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Neuvillette does not understand human emotions very well. He’s known this for a long time. Still, as he looks at Wriothesley’s shaking crying figure next to him, he knows he can use logic and put aside their differences for a while. He loves this man. And although he doesn’t understand emotions he knows that the painful clenching of his heart when he looks at the distraught figure is something he needs to address.
Neuvillette frowns and reaches out to Wriothesley, softly cupping his face and brushing away some of his tears. He knows it’s fruitless, as more tears flow down his supple cheeks but he tries to offer some comfort.
Wriothesley doesn’t seem to know he’s there, and he only sobs harder, his hands pressed painfully to his ears to block out noise. His mouth is open and his eyes squeezed shut, like he wants to scream.
Neuvilletes slowly brings his hands down to Wriothesley’s sides, and hoists him up into his lap, so his legs wrap around Neuvillette’s waist and their bodies are flush against each other. Neuvillette then gently guides the man’s head onto his shoulder. He rests his hands on top of Wriothesley’s, hoping to release some tension. The Duke is a little big to be sitting on his lap, but he makes it work, not wanting them to be separated.
Neuvillette’s not quite sure why he’s crying. He had come home after work to the sight of Wriothesley curled up in the corner of their room on the floor trying to cover his sobs by biting painfully into his arm, his other hand wrapped around the top of his head, clutching a fistful of hair. It had been a shock to the Iudex, seeing the man’s facade of strength and steadiness broken, but he had managed to coax the shaking figure onto their bed. It was frustrating, because he wanted so badly to make his love stop crying, but he had no idea how to.
Now, the Duke cries into Neuvillette’s shoulder, wetting the man’s clothing with salty tears and snot. Neuvillette pays no mind to it and simply strokes the back of his head, carding gentle fingers through Wriothesley’s hair. Wriothesley grips hard onto the Iudex’s clothing, crumpling the usually soft fabric. He’s hiccuping and coughing and gasping as he cries and Neuvillette lets him, rubbing circles into his waist and whispering soft nothings into his ear.
They sit there for a long while, as Wriothesley tries to calm down. The sound of his cries filling the room hurts Neuvillette’s heart. He tries again and again to kiss away the pain, or whisper praises and loving words to him, but Wriothesley doesn’t seem to comprehend any of it, stuck in his whirlwind of thoughts, and the darkness of his mind. Rain splashes the window of their room.
When Wriothesley finally manages to calm a little, his figure still shakes, but his crying has pretty much subsided and he just hiccups and tries to steady his breathing all while still gripping onto Neuvillette’s clothes. Neuvillette pulls back a little to study Wriothesley’s face, brushing his damp hair away from his tear stained cheeks.
Wriothesley’s eyes start to water again involuntarily at the display of affection and Neuvillette guides his face back to his shoulder and continues to brush fingers through his hair.
“Deep breath my love. Follow me,” He takes a large breath, and smiles softly as he feels Wriothesley try his best to follow him. The Duke’s breath shudders as he breathes in, breaking into smaller gasps, but he seems more calm as they both breath out together.
“That’s it…there you go. It’s okay. I’m here.”
Wriothesley pinches his eyes shut at the words and bites his lips as tears sting the back of his eyes. He’s just managed to stop crying, he won’t let Neuvillette’s soft words make it start again.
When he regains control of his breath, and it seems like he can talk again he chokes out a small, “I’m sorry.”
Neuvillette pulls away from him again, and studies his face, eyebrows knitted together in worry, “why…why are you sorry my love? There’s nothing to be sorry about.”
Wriothesley brings his hands up to his eyes, pressing his palms to them as more tears escape. God, how did he find someone that comforts him so kindly. His head thumps on Neuvillette’s chest as he finds himself unable to speak again.
Neuvillette’s tender hands come up again to the back of his head, and start to massage the back of his neck. Wriothesley sighs as tension releases from his back and neck.
“I’m sorry,” he says weakly again, “I don’t know what happened to me. I’m so weak. God I hate this. I hate this so much.”
Neuvillette makes a questioning sound in the back of his throat, and ceases his caressing.
“I…don’t know what you’re talking about. You’re far from weak my love. You could never be,” and ties his words off with a kiss on the top of Wriothesley’s head.
Wriothesley starts to shake again as he starts to cry, but this time from Neuvillette’s words and his comforting.
Neuvillette’s hand finds the nape of his neck, and he slides his fingers through the hair there and rubs circles with his thumb. His other hand rests on the Wriothesley’s low back, and pats it softly.
When his crying tapers off again Neuvillette asks, “may I ask what bothered you? I cannot say I wasn’t…distressed seeing you so…small.”
Wriothesley clenches his hands in Neuvillette’s clothes again, and shifts forwards to rest his face in the crook of the Iudex’s neck. He closes his eyes, and breathes in Neuvillette’s scent. They sit there for a few minutes as Wriothesley collects his words.
“...There was a new prisoner,” He starts, “And he looked so similar…so similar to him.” His voice breaks slightly at the end and Neuvillette hums and grips him tighter in his arms. His foster father. It goes unsaid, but they both know.
“I don’t…I don’t know. I was fine. I was…I was a little shocked yeah…but I was fine. He’s dead. I know he is. I know. Even now…looking back, the man didn’t even look that much like him. I went back to my office and I was fine. Then…i don’t know. Something broke. I couldn’t focus, and then I couldn’t see and I was crying. My head was spinning and I had to rush home because I couldn’t breathe…I couldn’t do anything. I don't know what happened.”
…I’m sorry”
Neuvillette just shushes him and kisses his head again, “Don’t be sorry.” He pauses for a second. Comforting was never his forte, but again, he loves this man, “I…I might not understand fully what you are feeling but I think I can start to. And moreover I know that it’s okay you feel like this. You don’t have to be strong for me, love. That’s what I’m here for okay? I’ll be here. Always.”
Neuvillette doesn’t mention what happened, just accepts him and Wriothesley’s grateful. He doesn’t want to confront his feelings now, doesn’t want to understand how the mere glance at a man similar to his foster father had him spiraling so far into the depths of his memories. He doesn’t think he’s ever fully processed what happened that day.
Wriothesley pulls his face away from Neuvillette, wincing slightly at the feeling of his damp skin peeling itself from the skin on Neuvillette’s collar bone. He looks up at the man and leans his head in. Neuvillette recognizes his unspoken request and leans in. Their lips meet and Wriothesley feels the rest of the tension release in his body. This is what he needed. He just needed Neuvillette.
When they break apart, Wriothesley fully assesses his destruction. He laughs wetly as he looks at the front of Neuvillette’s shirt, and halfheartedly tries to wipe away the dark damp spot.
“God, what did I do!” He sputters with a laugh, bringing up a hand to wipe at his eyes.
Neuvillette smiles, and grabs the back of his neck to bring him into another kiss, “I don’t care about that, darling.”
He pulls away and they gaze into each other's eyes for a few seconds before Neuvillette says, “I’m glad you’re feeling better, love.”
Wriothesley laughs again, and drops his head back onto Neuvillette’s shoulder. He feels kind of disgusting now, dried sweat across his body and some of his hair and his face still damp from crying. His eyes are puffy, and his throat hurts, but he doesn’t want to be anywhere else but in Neuvillette’s arms.
“I’m quite tired actually,” he says, and Neuvillette hums in response. The Iudex’s arms fall lax around the duke and he drops his head back on the headboard.
“Let’s just rest then,” He says, and when Wriothesley looks up, he chuckles at the sight of Neuvillette pretending to be asleep.
He rests his head again on Neuvillette’s chest, closes his eyes, and falls asleep to the feeling of his love’s heartbeat underneath him.