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Kaveh could not afford to get sick.
He had a lot on his plate. From the debts he had to pay, to the rent that was due and the several work projects he had, these things weren’t going to sit and get resolved on their own. He was already two months behind on his debt payments, three months on his rent, and while he was on time with projects, he had several with deadlines coming up soon. He just needed to finish them, then he would get his money and would finally be caught up on his payments.
No, Kaveh could not afford to get sick. He couldn’t afford any break. If he didn’t meet his deadlines, he'd be behind once again, and he wasn’t sure how much longer Alhaitham and Dori were going to wait. They couldn’t wait forever. And so, Kaveh pushed through. If his head hurt, he took medicine to alleviate the pain. If his wrist was stinging, he’d switch over to his other hand to give it a rest. If the world around him were collapsing, he’d press on. Time waited for nobody, and it certainly would not wait for Kaveh.
Alhaitham placed a hand on top of Kaveh’s blueprint, snapping him out of his focus. He looked up to meet teal eyes that looked down at him with concern.
“Stop,” Alhaitham commanded.
Kaveh huffed, brushing Alhaitham aside as he continued to draft his blueprint.
“You are not the boss of me,” Kaveh replied.
“You’re going to burn out,” he warned him. “So take a break while you still have some control over your actions. You don’t want to be unable to work.”
“I’m fine,” Kaveh insisted as he placed the protractor on top of the print. “I may be busy, but I’m not overworking myself.”
“Even if that was the case, you still aren’t taking care of yourself.”
“I am—”
“You go to sleep at three in the morning,” Alhaitham interrupted, “and wake up at sunrise.”
“So?”
“That’s hardly four hours of sleep. How you are still able to function is beyond me.”
“It’s nothing,” Kaveh scoffed. “I’ve been doing this for years and I’ve been fine.”
“Just because nothing has happened, doesn’t mean it won’t,” he said. “You need proper rest to prevent yourself from burning out.”
“And why do you care?” Kaveh snapped.
Alhaitham looked at him in disappointment. It seemed like that was the only look he could give him lately. Just a look that indicated he knew Kaveh could do better. It made his blood boil.
“I don’t know what came over you to make you suddenly care about my well-being, but you can drop it. I am perfectly capable on my own and don’t need anybody’s help. Least of all yours,” Kaveh continued as he stared up at Alhaitham.
“Continue as you please, then. If you get sick, I’m not taking care of you,” he disgruntledly grumbled before walking away.
“Fine by me,” Kaveh huffed. “I don’t want you to.”
He heard the front door slam shut and footsteps retreat outside. Alhaitham was mad, that was for sure, and he felt the same. These days it seemed like that was how all their conversations ended. One of them storming out, while the other was left behind to brood.
It wasn’t always this way. They used to be best friends. Soulmates, even. Inseparable in all forms but physical. Kaveh cared deeply for Alhaitham; he may have even loved him. He was sure his junior had felt the same way. And then it all fell apart. Everything that they once were crumbled, and what remained was the debris that had been swept aside.
Stupid Alhaitham. Why was he so concerned? He’d been seeing this behavior for months. If there was any need for actual concern, he would’ve brought it up sooner.
Images of torn pieces of paper along with the distorted sounds of an argument flashed across his mind. No … this wasn't the time to think about that!
Kaveh started coughing uncontrollably as he shook the memory off him. The memory of that event always left him feeling uneasy from the amount of regret and guilt that lingered. He pushed forward with his work, ignoring the lump in his throat, the way his heart was pounding against his chest, and the sweat running down his back as the room got hot. He continued sketching, the world becoming a dizzying mirage, as he forced his brain to work twice as hard to remain focused.
He had just finished outlining one of the parameters when he began to sneeze. It was strong and caught him by surprise. At the same time, a tingling feeling began to bloom in the back of his neck. The sensation quickly spread down to his limbs. Kaveh recognized this sensation. He had felt it before. It was the warning sign his body gave when his body was starting to shut down from illness. Horror began to sink in. Was he actually getting sick? He couldn’t fall ill in the middle of his work! He had deadlines to meet! He had already come so far, and if he couldn’t push through to the end, all this hard work would be for nothing. To think that he was looking forward to finally being caught up with everything…
If he could at least finish the work that had deadlines coming up within the week, then he could allow himself a short nap before continuing. As he tried to fight it, new symptoms began to emerge. His head was starting to hurt, his stomach was beginning to churn, and when he pressed a hand on his forehead, it was hot to the touch.
Kaveh sighed before he stood up and headed toward the kitchen, quickly turning on the stove and grabbing a pot before pouring water inside and placing it on top. He then began to drop ingredients inside. When he was a kid, his mother often fell ill, and it was up to him to take care of her. She would sit at the kitchen table, instructing him to cook and prepare meals, and he did as told. A good soup was always good for the soul, as she used to say. This was how he learned the best remedies to cure just about anything. When she moved away, Kaveh carried what he had learned with him and had always looked after himself. It was thanks to her recipes that even if he did catch something, it went away fairly quickly.
Kaveh took a whiff of the air to take in the scent of the soup. Even the pleasant smell was already helping him feel better. “Smells good.”
Kaveh jumped to find Alhaitham standing behind him. He was gazing curiously at the pot before wrinkling his nose in disgust.
“A shame that I’ll have to pass.”
“Suit yourself,” Kaveh said. “This is my mother’s recipe that’s said to cure any illness.”
“Are you sick?” Alhaitham asked as he started preparing his own dinner.
“I’m just cooking; what makes you think I’m sick?” Kaveh asked.
“You said it’s a recipe to cure any illness,” Alhaitham pointed out. “That implies that you use it when you are not feeling well. You also look pale.”
“Well it’s nothing serious. I’m just going to have dinner and then I’ll be fine,” Kaveh insisted as he turned off the stove and began to serve himself.
“You need more than a good meal to get better. For starters, get some rest.”.
“Can’t,” Kaveh answered, taking a seat at the table. “I have projects to work on.”
“If you postpone everything and tell them why, they’ll have to understand,” he said. “No respectable client would get angry over the person they’re working with falling ill, since it’s out of their control.”
“I might miss my payments if I delay my work. I need to be paid on time.”
“We can postpone the rent you owe for another month. It’s not like you ever pay them on time anyway.”
“I don’t want to owe you anything anymore,” Kaveh mumbled as he stirred the bowl, waiting for his meal to cool off.
He desperately needed someone to help, longed for it even, and yet at the same time he wanted to do things for himself. He didn’t deserve other’s generosity, and he always felt like he had to pay them back somehow. Alhaitham had done a lot for him. He gave him a roof over his head, food on the table, and gave him company during his loneliest moments. He owed Alhaitham a great deal, and yet all he did was take more and more. Someone who enjoyed his peaceful life should’ve never gotten involved with the mess that was Kaveh.
He was stressed, overwhelmed, feeling under the weather, and Alhaitham’s presence was creating a war inside his mind. Part of him wanted to run into his arms while the other wanted to run as far away from him as possible. Like a pendulum, his polarized heart swung back and forth.
“Then let me help you—”
“No!” Kaveh yelled, slamming his fist on the table. Alhaitham paused, staring at Kaveh in concern. His face felt hot, his chest was beginning to hurt, and he felt his vision falter as he glared at Alhaitham. Gritting his teeth, he took in a deep breath and composed himself.
“I don’t need your help,” Kaveh said quietly as he picked up his spoon again. “I am fine. I’ve been taking care of myself for years. I don’t need a break; what I need is to finish the job. Just go away.”
“If that’s what you want, then I’ll leave you alone,” Alhaitham quietly replied as he placed his food aside and began to leave the room. He turned to Kaveh, his eyes filled with an emotion he couldn’t decipher. Was it hurt? Longing? He wasn’t sure. “I hope you get better soon, Kaveh.”
Watching him leave swung the pendulum again. He wanted Alhaitham to stay. He wanted him to fuss over his well-being and tell him everything was going to be okay.
“Wait,” Kaveh began, “I—”
Kaveh abruptly stood up, steading himself as his vision went black for a moment. The chair behind him crashed onto the floor which grabbed Alhaitham’s attention. Teal eyes met crimson as Kaveh gave him a pleading look.
“Kaveh?” Alhaitham softly asked.
It was now or never. He had to take the chance to tell him how he felt. Kaveh pushed himself off the table and stumbled over to Alhaitham. The world was tilting as he grabbed Alhaitham’s wrist. His junior stared down at him with worry as he pressed a hand against Kaveh’s forehead. It felt cool to the touch, but he was fighting back the urge to slap his hand away, all while suppressing the need to nuzzle into the touch.
“You’re burning up,” Alhaitham commented.
“I…” Kaveh began before his vision went black, and his legs gave out before he could utter another word.
As his consciousness faded, all he could feel was a pair of strong arms holding onto him as a gentle voice assured him that he was safe.
Upon waking up, he found himself in a room that wasn’t his own. He deduced that he was in Alhaitham’s room, lying in his bed and wrapped up in his sheets. The overwhelming smell of old books hit his nostrils, followed by the smell of coffee and a hint of the floral-scented shampoo they both shared. It was a comforting scent, something that was familiar and reminded him of somebody who made his heart soar.
The door opened, and Kaveh was greeted with the sight of Alhaitham entering the room with a tray of food. He sat up as Alhaitham placed the food on the nightstand. The bed dipped as Alhaitham leaned into him and placed a hand on his forehead.
“What happened?” Kaveh asked.
“Are you so sick that you’re suffering a memory lapse too? You fainted and I had to bring you here.”
Kaveh cursed under his breath. “Why didn’t you wake me up?!”
“Why would I do that? Your body was forcing you to rest like I’ve been suggesting all afternoon.”
“Because now I’m—” Kaveh took in a deep breath as he attempted to quell the panic rising in his chest. “I’m behind! I’m not going to get paid on time, and—”
Alhaitham grabbed both of Kaveh’s hands, cutting off his train of thought. His face burned as he was forced to look into Alhaitham’s eyes.
“It’ll be all right. Once you’re rested, you can continue working,” he reassured him. “We can figure something out to make sure you catch up with your payments.”
Kaveh stared at him in shock as he released their hands and turned to the tray, placing it on the bed.
“It’s not much, but you need something in your stomach. I stored the soup you made in case you’re hungry later.”
Kaveh picked up a grape and popped it into his mouth. His sickness numbed its flavor, but the cool feeling in his mouth was a relief. Kaveh continued to eat in silence as Alhaitham walked around his room, grabbing things from his drawer.
“I have some medication that should help. If you’re still feeling sick in the morning, I’ll take you to bimarstan to get checked,” Alhaitham said as he placed an arrangement of pills on the corner of the tray.
Maybe it was his sickness talking, but Kaveh was so touched, a singular tear fell down his face. For years he had been on his own. The only person he could depend on was himself. He often took care of others, but he had never let anybody take care of him. He had gotten so used to it that he forgot what it was like to give in and depend on somebody else. His heart began to ache as he thought about how this was yet another thing Alhaitham had done for him. He was always doing things for him, and yet he’d never had anything to show for it.
“Thank you,” Kaveh quietly said. It wasn’t enough to convey his gratitude, but it was a start.
Alhaitham seemed to understand this as well, as a smile grazed his face. “I’ll leave you for now.”
Kaveh gently took his wrist in order to grab his attention. Alhaitham curiously peered down at him.
“Need something?”
“No,” Kaveh said, placing a hand on his rapidly beating heart. “I just wanted to say that I’m sorry for being difficult.”
“You don’t need to apologize for being yourself,” Alhaitham chuckled. He leaned into Kaveh, running a hand through his blonde locks as he gave him the most loving look that made his heart flutter. “It’s not difficult if it's you. I wouldn’t have done it otherwise. Now rest. That’s the only way you’ll get better.”
He placed his lips against Kaveh’s forehead, giving him a chaste kiss before pulling away. Kaveh’s face burned as he watched Alhaitham turn to leave.
“Alhaitham,” Kaveh weakly called out.
He paused.
“You should stay.”
Alhaitham turned to face him with an unreadable expression.
“Is that what you want?” he asked quietly.
“Yes.”
“Then I’ll stay.”
He came back to the side of the bed and began to climb in.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m doing what you asked me to.”
“I didn’t mean it like this!”
“You didn’t?” Alhaitham asked as a teasing smile formed on his face. “Could’ve sworn you did.”
“No! You’re going to get sick if you stay here!” Kaveh protested as he attempted to shove him off.
“Don’t worry, I have a strong immune system,” he said as he refused to budge, wrapping his arms around him. “If I do, then we can stay in bed like this all day.” Alhaitham’s lips pressed against Kaveh’s ear, sending shivers down his spine as he whispered, “Wouldn’t that be nice?”
Kaveh turned to face Alhaitham, resting his head on his shoulder and wrapping his arms around him. Their legs became tangled as they embraced each other. He looked up to meet Alhaitham’s eyes, and in turn Alhaitham looked down at him with love and care. For a moment, he completely understood what he wanted and how he felt. They both wanted the same thing from each other. It was what they had always sought; they just never had the courage to take the next step. Under the haze of his fever, Kaveh found just enough of it to take the leap. He leaned forward, capturing Alhaitham’s lips in for a sweet kiss. He hoped the gesture conveyed everything he wanted to say but couldn’t. He broke the kiss to whisper against his lips, “It would be nice.”
As he pulled away, Alhaitham stared at him, mouth slightly agape and his pupils blown wide. He tightened his hold on Kaveh, pulling their bodies closer. He definitely understood the unspoken words between them and returned them. Kaveh pressed his head against Alhaitham’s chest, listening to his heartbeat like a lullaby. He just felt at peace in his arms. Sure, he was sick and was falling behind on his work, and it was certainly a cause for concern, but if he got to be in Alhaitham’s arms like this, then he could make an exception.
He could afford to get sick and take a break if it meant more cuddles with Alhaitham.