Work Text:
It felt a little quieter in the office today.
Nothing was out of order — all of the documents were signed and piled (somewhat) neatly near the edge of his desk, files of forms and records all tucked and arranged rather decently into the shelves that lined the walls. Phantom was dozing off at the corner of the desk without a care in the world, choosing a spot where the sun’s rays didn't hit for his late afternoon nap.
Nothing was amiss, but it felt empty.
A gentle breeze from the open window lightly caresses the cheek that wasn't resting on his palm. Bettel glances at the clock near the door, narrowing his eyes to read the time. Well, tried to. (God, he really needed to get his eyes checked soon, or the whole Bettelion’s gonna get on his ass.)
5:07PM, or something.
A scowl had bore onto his lips before he even realised it, and he sighs, opting to slump in his creaky ass office chair to stare up at the ceiling.
It felt a little quieter in the office today, because a certain bird hadn't been sending the door almost flying off its hinges after bouncing into the room — just to check on him, to be with him until they could retreat into one of their rooms to rest after work was over. Hakka always kept him company while stress bubbled out in muffled screams and groans, whenever mission reports weren't projected into words properly from his brain, or from reading the same dumbass complaints with crops again in the guild’s emergency aid forms. Like what? Do they look like farmers, or people even remotely qualified to give tips for that? Well they sure are coming to the wrong guild if that's the case.
To be fair, maybe Hakka would know a thing or two…
As soon as a dazzling smile, shaded under a sunhat in a lush strawberry field flashed across his vision, Bettel sprang up immediately from where he almost slid off his seat, hitting his stomach against the edge of his desk, making him fall back again. He instinctively curled his arms around his middle as he hissed swears at himself, shrinking into this stupid office chair that felt too small and uncomfortable to writhe in agony in.
He can't be thinking of Hakka right now. It already hurts enough to rely on memories as if he were here.
Bettel recoils slightly from his position, mindful of how fucking bad his abdomen hurt now, of how his heart jumping in his chest easily carried over to the rest of his limbs. Fuck all honestly, because it still didn't hurt as much as missing his husband.
He wasn't even going to act like he wasn't bothered about it anymore, because he really wasn't. He missed him. He missed him so goddamn much, and it hadn't even been a week yet since Hakka had left to visit his family in his hometown. Feeling the absence of Hakka’s presence felt wrong. Like something fundamentally was missing, making things seem tilted and so off kilter, even if the rest of life was still threading along smoothly. His definitely wasn't, not when Hakka wasn't around to walk along beside him.
Call him a dramatic bitch or whatever, he couldn't give less of a shit at this point. It was getting insufferable to wake up to an empty, cold bed, void of any warmth pressed close to his chest, right to his heart. Bettelgoose barely filled that gap for him anymore, mostly left neglected at the foot of the bed for another bird that made him feel more whole — with a cheeky, single-fanged grin and eye-rolling worthy quips that he found himself missing so much now.
Fuck.
God, he just wants to scream so bad.
This thinly veiled yearning for his songbird was about to erupt into the most primal scream of his life, one that would probably continue to ring throughout the guildhall’s walls for weeks, and would likely be joined by more if Hakka didn't come back during that time frame. The worst part of it was, that everyone else in this guild knows how tightly strung and agitated the jester had been without his partner, despite his best efforts at staying nonchalant when asked about it, or keeping his husband withdrawal symptoms under wraps. He honestly thought he was doing such a good job at acting like it never affected him this badly.
Magni had been trying to take him out more to get drinks, remembering how the alchemist had been nagging at him for being cooped up in his room after work, a fussy hand on his hip while the others — human and mechanical — tried to drag his lovesick ass out of bed.
He never thought he'd say this, but no booze or any kind of drink would drown out the emptiness that the exorcist had left in his chest. Just Hakka being by his side again would be enough for him.
The others have also tried their best to make it easier for him — Altare kindly reducing his burden of paperwork and assuring him that he doesn't need to finish them if he wasn't able to (he felt like such an incompetent lovesick fool) , Axel…still being Axel but somewhat nicer? (still trying to wrap his head around it) Flayon dropping by his room occasionally to distract him with some romance visual novel (seeing any kind of emo character fucked him over) , Shinri checking on him constantly to make sure he was properly, or at least somewhat properly taking care of himself ( which just made himself look more pathetic in his opinion) , and Vesper offering different teas that would help soothe his nerves and offset the imbalance in his heart, even for just a bit. (he's got nothing else at this point, so he may as well try some even if he still feels like they taste like ass.)
He swears on Phantom that he's a fully functional adult man with some shred of responsibility. Kinda. It's hard to tell at this point.
He weakly rolls over to his side, the couch in the office coming into his line of sight and he hardens his stare at it, as if his frustrations would manifest into lasers and vaporize the offending furniture, even if it had nothing to do with it.
Until it did, when memories of what they did on it last week slowly crept into his mind along with the heat that climbed up to his cheeks.
Bettel quickly shakes his head and frantically slaps both his hands over his warming cheeks, wincing at the impact. He's not gonna fuck himself over by adding sexual frustrations on top of the ever growing list too. He's not some sort of masochist. Well, not that much at least.
God, he still needs to scream.
An hour left on the clock was all he had left to make it through.
Afterwards, he can just head straight back to his room to bury himself under the covers with some ice cream that wouldn't be pried off his hands by Hakka, replaced by kisses instead. He could start mindlessly consuming movies he's seen before, ones that he could no longer enjoy fully without the exorcist by his side to throw in his own unhinged comments about nothing and everything related. He could continue moping about the absence of his lover over and over, and some more, for good measure.
He really underestimated how well he could handle Hakka being up and just, gone for that long like that. If he thought he was prepared before, he sure as hell didn't prepare enough to get through the absolute hell his heart was putting him through.
All he could do is yearn, painfully waiting where he remained stuck from where he was left. Until his songbird comes bounding back into his arms, where Bettel could hold him tight in his embrace and never let him go again.
A deep sigh escapes his lips, and he runs his hand through messy silver locks, longing for it to be someone else's deft fingers right now to massage all of his stress away.
Keep it together, idiot. You can do this. You have to do this. Do it for Hakka.
Today was going to be a long day, and the rest of the week was going to be even longer.
He really missed Hakka.
—
Bettel flopped face first into his bed as soon as slammed his bedroom door behind him, laying motionless and letting his mattress suffocate him. Maybe if it did, he wouldn't have to deal with every pang of sadness that came whenever he came across something that reminded him of Hakka.
A slight dip in the mattress accompanied by the tinkles of bells made him look up into the dull glow of a yellow eye, staring back at a pink pupil silently studying him. He took a deep breath in, buried his face in the sheets again,
and fucking screamed.
…
He still felt like shit.
Whoever said that screaming into a pillow relieves stress was a fucking liar.
Phantom had barely moved from spot on the bed, despite that pathetic show of a lovesick fool manically screaming into his bed. Just what he needed, another pair of eyes (or just singular) to judge him when he's at his worst. He knows that Phantom was probably used to all his antics and fits from how long he's been by his side, but it didn't make it any less humiliating for being in the state he was in.
Being in love sucked. Being married and more impossibly in love sucked more.
He really felt like he couldn't live without Hakka. It was killing him.
He was no more than a weak man hopelessly in love with the brightest star in the sky, and the sun could only dare to dream to take his place.
Suddenly, he hears the sharp jingle of Phantom’s bells, before he feels his weight disappear from the bed. When the ringing of his bells ceased, Bettel slowly turns his head to where he thinks the little guy was, eying Phantom near the window and—
—a flash of purple and black.
He immediately pushes himself up from his bed, pushing past the white spots that appeared in his vision from how quickly he got up, rushing to open his window. Sure enough, purple and black feathers had been scattered all over his windowsill, and in the middle of it all was a letter signed with an all too familiar name on the front of the envelope.
Both of them have been doing this bit with each other, based on the one time Bettel had lost connection and all forms of communication to the guild while on a mission, where Bettel could only rely on one of his dove’s loyalty to relay letters back and forth. Afterwards, Bettel and Hakka had started sending letters to each other while they were away on short missions, just for fun in the beginning, but it eventually became something that sustained the both of them while they were apart. Just receiving any word from Hakka that he was well and alive would be enough to soothe his restless nerves, and he needed that reassurance bad.
He wondered if Hakka was also going mad without him, though he already knew the answer.
Quickly swiping the letter inside before his luck gave him any chances to lose it, he starts opening the envelope as carefully as he can, but the rush of adrenaline and shaky fingers made it hard to contain his desperation, translated into uneven tears and crinkles. A familiar handwriting greeted him as he opened up the letter, and he felt some tension from ease from shoulders. Wasting no time, he brought the letter close to his face, absorbing every word he could read and piece together past a foggy mind draped with exhaustion.
-
Dearest Betsy,
Still remember me, sweetheart?
I hope you're not missing me too much when I’m away. Sorry for writing this letter super late, shit got realll busy back home but I finally have a bit of time to rest! I’m gonna be honest, it fucking sucks that you're not here with me right now. Don't get me wrong, I missed my family and my hometown so much, and it's so good to finally be back again after all this time! I've been catching up a lot with all my family and relatives, telling them all about my adventures, our missions, everyone in the guild, and all about you. Especially you. They're really eager to meet you, so you bet the next time Leader gives me enough days off to go back, I'll be pulling you along, Betsy. Don't think you can escape, mi amor hehehe >:3c
But let's just keep that in mind for later. When I can actually talk to you face-to-face about it, and tell you about all the cool stuff I did in Xenokuni! Even though I really wanted to go back, it's so lonely without you here with me, it just doesn't feel right. Home isn't the same without you in it. I miss you holding me, I miss your smile and all your dumb jokes, I miss waking up to you every morning and seeing your beautiful face first thing to start off my day. I just wanna go back already and jump into your arms, and hug you so tight and never let you go again.
I miss you so much Bettel. My ahnds are tremlign as I’m wrting this, and it's hadr to see paast my tears hahaah…
I’ll be back soon, I promise. Maybe about 2 days if everything goes smoothly! Please take care of yourself, mi vida. Hoping that everyone back at the guild's doing alright too! I seriously miss you all, damn. (you especially, of course!!! :>)
I love you, so so so fucking much Bettel. I can't wait to come home to you again <3
Your beloved bubbo,
Hakka <3
-
The letter crinkles around his fingers, his grip tightening barely.
He's not gonna cry. He's not going to cry right now.
But he misses him so goddamn much.
He hears the faint jingle of bells at his ear, feeling a rare, but familiar press of Phantom nuzzling against his moist cheek.
Wait, fuck. He hadn't realised when he started crying.
Desperately trying to wipe away at his eyes, he sniffles his way through all of his tangled emotions. As the waterworks keep spilling, he gives in and finally allows himself to feel the mess that was the love that weighed heavy in his heart, interwoven with the sight of sunshine and a beautiful voice that could shake both heaven and hell with all of the love poured from it.
He wants—no, needs the love of his life here with him now, or he feels like he's about to fall apart. The silence in his room feels too suffocating now, like the noise of his audiences that only come for a show — not for him, and he wishes for nothing more than to fill it up with the sound of Hakka’s full laughter and Bettel’s name from those soft lips instead.
2 more days…
“Just come home quickly already, dammit…”
He can last for two more days. He needs to. For Hakka.
Any longer, and he feels that his swelling heart may actually burst.
—
For once in his life, he felt like the universe took pity on him this time and kept his horrible luck at bay, because a familiar nest of purple hair burst through the guild’s main door barely a day later.
Bettel stood paralyzed in the grand hall, watching as Hakka, breathless and winded after probably running back to the guild where he was dropped off, went around giving hugs to everyone welcoming him back in their own ways at the entrance. However, Hakka seemed to be preoccupied with looking for someone else if all of his frantic glances around the boys said something, before landing on Bettel, still stuck where he was.
He instantly saw a wave of relief wash over his features as his gaze softened, a beaming smile settling on his lips.
Before he had a chance to process it, Hakka was running straight at him, and he opened his arms instinctively to catch the exorcist hurling himself at his chest. The impact knocked him off his heels and he felt the wind getting knocked out of him as his back hit the ground, pinned by another weight on his chest. However, he couldn’t even be bothered by the pain, not when Hakka was holding him so closely, one hand on the back of his head when he fell, the other gripping his cloak tightly as giggles rippled from his chest.
He looked as beautiful as he remembered him, even with the newly formed eyebags under his eyes that were squeezed into crescents. His mouth was open with the sight of a cute, singular fang as more of his endearing giggles and confessions of how much he had missed Bettel poured out endlessly. Hakka’s feathered hair that he missed carding his hands through so much fanned out across his back instead of his usual ponytail, as if it was ditched in a hurry.
Hakka’s cheek pressed against his chest, over his heart, and he snuggled impossibly closer into him, finally calming down from his giggling fit. His weight grounded Bettel, and he finally got back to his senses.
Hakka is here. Hakka is here in his arms again. Hakka is home.
He wraps his arms around the smaller man, pressing him tightly to his chest as Hakka erupts into another fit of giggles. He doesn't know when he started running his mouth, but when Hakka cups his face gently, swiping his thumb across a tear that ran down his cheek, he notices Hakka's eyes pooling with tears of his own, lips trembling softly amidst a smile.
“I missed you too, Bettel,”
For the first time in that week, Bettel finds himself smiling genuinely, and he leans into Hakka’s scarred hands, holding his face with all the care in the world.
“Welcome back home, Hakka.”