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The sunlight pools in through the too thin curtains, making Whizzer rumble out a low, annoyed groan and roll over in an attempt to shield himself. The action brings him closer to Marvin, who is somehow still snoring away. Whizzer chuckles to himself, which alarms him once it registers. He leaps out of bed, as if suddenly burned by the mattress, and practically runs into the bathroom.
One of the barrage of sounds he makes wakes Marvin up–he always jokes that he used to be a deep sleeper, but became an annoyingly light one the moment the kid was born.
Whizzer hears the creak of the bed and groans. Marvin hears it, of course.
“Whizzer?” he calls. “What’s going on?” his voice is thick with sleep, and it makes something in Whizzer’s heart flutter. He groans again, louder this time, and begins to pace. The bathroom isn’t an idle place for such movement in any case, but Whizzer makes it work. It’s pacing or biting his nails, and he’s already down to the quick.
Whizzer has lost his mind.
He doesn’t know how everything went so wrong. Marvin was only ever supposed to be someone he could have a little fun with. Like they all are. He had money, he was attractive, and once he managed to calm his nerves, he knew exactly how to touch Whizzer. But then the nights went from rushing him out the door to letting him stay. Letting him hold him, laughing along to his bad jokes. Making him breakfast. Conversing. Letting him stay until the afternoon. Convincing him to tell his wife he had to go on a work trip so they could spend a week in bed together. Whizzer doesn’t know how it turned into that, but it did. Marvin went from a man who sucked his dick once to a man who worshipped all of him. And Whizzer found he enjoyed being worshipped.
He never meant for it to turn into this. Into waking up next to him and finding his snoring cute. Into wanting to hold him tight, nuzzle his nose in his neck and feel the warmth of his body. Into wanting to create a life together, the two of them and Jason and, fuck, maybe even Trina and Mendel, if they can manage to call a truce.
A gentle knock at the door jerks him out of his thoughts.
“Whizzer? Are you okay?”
“Yeah,” he manages to choke out. But he knows better than to think that Marvin will believe him.
“You don’t seem okay. What’s wrong? Can I come in?”
“No,” he snaps. He can’t let Marvin see him like this. “I’m fine, Marvin. Drop it.”
He hears Marvin sigh, but no reply comes. He doesn’t hear his footsteps either–he must still be standing outside the door.
Fine. Whizzer has other things to worry about, like this giant, looming problem he’s been avoiding for months now.
Whizzer is in love with Marvin.
He can’t be. He shouldn’t be. But no amount of delusion in this world can make him think otherwise. After years of running, he has finally been caught.
He knows Marvin loves him. If the amount of times he says it, and tries to get Whizzer to say it back, isn’t enough, then the way Marvin looks at him sure is. With those wide eyes and that even wider smile. The way Marvin nearly falls out of his chair every time Whizzer makes a joke over their burnt dinner. The way Marvin holds him after sex, like he wants to stay melded together for all eternity. Marvin is in love with him.
And it’s terrible. Whizzer thinks being in love with him must be the worst curse that can be dealt out. Marvin doesn’t deserve something so terrible.
Whizzer can’t give Marvin the love he wants. The love he deserves. Whizzer can’t be that person for him. Whizzer isn’t that person. He’s sharp around the edges, all harsh words and fiery heat. When he bites, he draws blood. He can’t be tamed. He can’t be domesticated, molded into the perfect partner Marvin wants him to be. He can’t be Marvin’s.
And Marvin can’t be his.
Finally feeling calm again, Whizzer takes a deep breath, runs a hand through his hair, and opens the door. Marvin stands on the other side, looking concerned.
Whizzer’s resolve immediately crumbles.
“Are you–”
“I’m fine,” Whizzer interrupts, but his voice is unrecognizably soft. He can barely hide his fondness for Marvin anymore. His love. “What do you want for breakfast?”
Marvin pulls him close. “Is it cheesy if I say you?”
Whizzer laughs despite himself. “Very.”
They both laugh as they lean in for a kiss, soft and gentle and so sweet it makes Whizzer’s head spin.
He’ll have to face the consequences one of these days, but for now, he lets Marvin guide him back to bed. For now, he’s still Marvin’s man.