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If he had been in his normal state, Connor would have probably put the pieces together in time and stopped the whole thing. It would have avoided him a frankly unpleasant conversation and a painful headache.
Credit had to be given when credit was due: Stewy was good at throwing parties and had gone all in for Kendall’s bachelor party. He was taking his duties of best man seriously. At least on that front. A real bacchanal in the French quarter of New Orleans. He had made sure the guests present would be provided with unlimited alcohol and the best drugs available to mankind. Did Stewy know a drug dealer in every city around the world? Probably. Connor wasn’t sure it was such a good thing. But screw it! Kendall was about to get married.
Connor was the oldest and on the PJ coming from here New York, some of Kendall’s Harvard buddies asked Kendall why he even was coming. Kendal defended him of course, saying he was cool and that if they had a problem with his older brother being there, they could step outside to test the air quality at 10.000 feet.
“You kids have no ideas what it was like partying in the early 80’s,” pointed out Connor. “The things we did that you pricks can’t even begin to imagine.”
When they landed, a fleet of chauffeured cars was waiting for them. The groom and best man took one of the cars together and Connor found himself carpooling with Roman, who at 21, could legally drink now and kept talking about how he had planned to get fucked up.
Their first stop was the Ritz Carlton where a series of suites was waiting for them but they ended gathering in the groom’s one, the penthouse suite, where they drank the complimentary champagne while Stewy briefed them on the night’s itinerary. A bar crawl through the French Quarter with ‘surprises’ along the way that would end in some night club. Before leaving, they emptied the small bottles of the mini bar into the champagne for Kendall to drink. They cheered as he executed himself, in a true frat boy fashion.
At each bar, a very beautiful waitress with a rather prominent cleavage was waiting for them holding a tray of various shots that they had to drink before she planted her lips on the groom’s cheek, leaving a very visible lipstick stain. Then it was followed by a drinking game before they moved to the next bar. When they arrived at their fifth stop, a night club, the hostess guided them to the VIP area where a table with buckets of ice with champagne bottles in them chilling.
Maybe it was the amount of booze he drank, or the edibles Stewy provided freely, or the molly he gave you if you asked, but Connor didn’t react when he saw him and Kendall disappeared together, the later pulling his best man by the sleeve of his jacket. If he had clocked their disappearance, he would have been able to stop Roman when he stood up and said that he was going to look for them. And he would have avoided the upcoming mess.
Roman came back rather quickly, his face paler than usual. He took a bottle of champagne and drank from it directly. He then sat down next to Connor, ignoring some of the looks he got. Connor was thankful for the loud music at the club that made so nobody heard what the youngest Roy asked him then:
“Is Kendall a fag? Since when is he screwing Stewy?”
The two questions made Connor’s eyes almost pop out of his eye sockets. He took a sip of the expensive whisky he was holding but didn’t answer. It wasn’t his question to answer. Roman shook his head and asked:
“And did you know?”
“Rome, what did you see?”
“I didn’t see anything. But I heard them banging and moaning each other’s name in one of the stalls. That is enough to traumatize me for life.”
Connor didn’t know what to say. That was reckless. Kendall and Stewy were playing with fire there. They were in a public space for God’s sake. But the mix of booze and drugs probably played a role in that recklessness. Connor finished his drink and flagged a waitress for another two other. The whole time he could feel Roman’s eyes on him and then he shouted:
“You knew!”
“Romey…”
“You fucking knew! Since when?”
“Quiet!”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“First, what ever you heard, forget about it. Because, second, it’s not of your fucking business.”
The waitress put the two glasses in front of them and Connor handed one to Roman, encouraging him to drink it. Actually, he wanted Roman to get as drunk as possible so he wouldn’t run his mouth to Kendall or Stewy and, by doing so, ruining the night. The combo of Roman’s light physique and the amount of booze he already had made his job easier. By the time, Kendall and Stewy were back with them, Roman was slurping and not really able to make proper sentences.
The rest of the night went rather crazy. Roman and Kendall paid a hobo to get a tattoo of the latter’s initials and the whole group cheered the whole thing on. When they came back to the hotel, the dark sky was starting slowly but surely to get clearer. They all managed somehow to go back to their suites.
They were supposed to leave for the airport at 2pm and, at 1.30pm, Connor was making his way to the door of the Groom’s suite to see if Kendall hadn’t died choking up in his own vomit and if he could manage to get ready on his own. He was about to knock when the door opened and Connor almost bumped into Stewy. His hair was messy – that was an usual sight – and he was wearing the previous night’s clothes. He had spent the night there. He noticed that he seemed surprised to see him and, for a moment, seemed to lose that almost natural self-confidence he had.
“Ken’s in the shower. He should be ready in half an hour.”
He nodded. Stewy opened his mouth, probably to explain himself but Connor raised his hands and shook his head while saying:
“I don’t want to know. I’m not here. I don’t know anything. I didn’t see or hear anything.”
He seemed thankful and passed him to go back to his own hotel room. In the end, Connor didn’t see Kendall until they got to the airport and he stepped out of his own chauffeured car, sunglasses and baseball cap on, probably to handle the massive hangover he had. Like most of the members of the bachelor party.
On the way back, most of the passengers were sleeping on the plane. But Roman made his way across the plane and sat next to Connor who was pretend-napping. He hit his arm with his elbow while saying:
“I know you aren’t sleeping old man.”
Connor sighed and opened his eyes. He glared at his younger brother who was chewing gum and looking at him strangely.
“What is it Rome?”
“So how long have you known that Ken is a faggot?”
He immediately elbowed him into the ribs, prompting Roman to let out a small sound of pain. Thankfully, the rest of the plane was asleep, Kendall even had those big headphones on his ears that tuned everything out.
“Ouch! Why did?...”
“Listen to me. If anyone asks, you didn’t see anything. You didn’t hear anything. Ok?”
“And why would I do that?”
“Can you imagine if Pop hears only a whisper of this? What he’ll do to Ken?”
Roman’s eyes widened, probably all the memories of his childhood coming back to him at that moment. He had been on the receiving of quite a lot of abuse, just like the other Roys kids. There was no need to say more. There always had been competition between the siblings but none of them wished the others their father’s wrath. Connor nodded to him, confirming his scary thoughts before adding:
“So, you shut your mouth kiddo.”
Connor thought that would be it, but each time he was alone with him, Roman asked over and over since when he had known about Kendall and Stewy, being, frankly, a real pain in the arse. On the reversal dinner, Connor had enough and he pulled Roman into an empty room and gave him a firm talking to. He surprised himself by the almost violent he used. He never did that to his siblings but he couldn’t let his father hear about it, not even as a rumor. Roman looked at him like a beaten dog and apologize.
“It’s ok. Just, whatever you saw, it’s over. Ken is marrying Rava tomorrow, everyone’s happy.”
Kendall did marry Rava the next day and Stewy stood at his side as the best man, putting an Oscar worthy performance. But Connor had known the kid for 18 years now. He noticed how, when everybody was watching the bride walk down the aisle, Stewy was staring at the groom. He noticed the pitch perfect best man speech he gave, throwing enough anecdote to remind everyone that he was the one, outside of the Roy family, who knew Kendall the longest. He also noticed how, as soon as it was polite, he made his exit, leaving his best friend and now former lover start a new chapter of his life with his wife.