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Age 6 and 9
He went to the same primary school as Dan, just a few years above. The small boy with the blue eyes and black hair to contrast to his pale face. He always seemed so happy, like a little ray of sunshine. Dan often wondered why the boy never got bullied or even teased for always smiling, when Dan himself had seen the bigger kids go after the ones always with a smile on their faces. How come this boy was safe? Dan had experienced some teasing the very first day of primary school, but that was about it. At least for now.
Almost every day for a year Dan had seen the three years older boy in school and figured out that they were in fact next door neighbours. He wondered if the older one knew. Dan had friends his own age, but they weren't even near as fascinating as his black haired neighbour. Dan really looked up to this boy. He convinced his mum to buy him Pokémon shirts to match his newfound idol, he tried his best to style his hair the same way, everything to look like the boy and hopefully catch his attention. Unfortunately the boy never seemed to notice Dan or his attempts to impress him, not even when Dan very loudly had talked to his friends about how many Pokémon cards he had when the older boy walked by. It was making Dan a bit sad to be honest.
Then suddenly, one day, Dan's wishes came true, just not in the way he'd wanted.
Dan was sitting on the steps outside school waiting for his mum to come. His class had ended 30 minutes early and his mum was to come when it actually was supposed to end. So he had no choice but to wait. He had his gameboy, so it was not like he would die of boredom… He had almost defeated the level he was on when the gameboy was snatched out of his hands. He looked up shyly and his gaze was met by two older guys. Dan didn't recognise them, but he didn't like the way they looked, dressed all in black with mean smirks. He stood up to take his property back, but of course they were taller than him and the guy holding the gameboy just reached his arm a little higher and Dan couldn’t reach, not even if he jumped. Dan felt frustrated tears starting to form in his eyes, but refused to let them slip in front of these guys.
“Look, Brad, he’s letting the smile slip!” one of them said and his nasty smirk grew wider. Dan felt foolish for thinking that they wouldn’t come after him and his smile when they went for everyone else. The one named Brad threw the gameboy to the other boy and grabbed Dan’s arms, locking them behind his back. He was locked against Brad’s chest and no matter how hard he was fighting back, kicking, spitting, screaming, he was stuck. The boys seemed to find all this really funny, Dan couldn’t see why. He didn’t have control over his tears anymore and they were streaming down his face. Why couldn’t they just give him his gameboy back?
Just as Dan was giving up for real, the gameboy was snatched out of the boy’s hand.
“Wow, really funny to mess with a guy half your size. Got some real humour there guys!” Dan recognised that voice. It was the voice he’d been secretly - not like a stalker! - listening to for a year. He looked up and just as he guessed, he was met by the black hair and the blue eyes. The two older guys rolled their eyes, but let him go. Dan stumbled and lost his balance.
“You’re not very scary, Lester, you know that right?” Brad said and he and his friend finally left, throwing the gameboy next to Dan on the floor. Dan shyly looked up at the guy who was now even more idolised in his eyes. His signature smile was plastered on the face and his hand was reached out. Dan took it, enjoying the warm feeling against his own cold hand.
“Are you okay?” Dan nodded, still in shock and a bit starstrucked by the guy in front of him. “I’m Phil, I think we’re neighbours!” he knew! He knew they were neighbours! That meant that he’d noticed Dan!
“I know” Dan whispered almost inaudibly. Phil’s smile grew bigger.
*
“Phil!” Dan whined as the older boy had beaten him in the videogame for the seventh time that evening. He threw his controller on the bed beside him in defeat.
“Aww, don’t give up! You almost won this time!” Phil said, giggling to himself at the little boy’s small tantrum. Dan crossed his arms and turned his head away from Phil. He wasn’t really mad at the other boy, he just wanted him to suffer a bit after beating him in the game. Phil wasn’t giving up that easily though. With a mischievous smirk on his face he moved closer to Dan and surprised him by starting to tickle his sides. The younger one let out a squeal and tried to move away, but he forgot that he was on a bed. A bed with an edge. Dan fell off the bed and Phil who was kind of leaning on Dan while tickling him fell off too. They ended up together on the floor, laughing. That’s the point where the door opened and both boys freezed and looked towards it.
“I thought you troublemakers were asleep” mrs Lester said sternly, although the smile on her face was entirely genuine. The boys sat up and looked down at the floor. Mrs Lester smiled wider at their cuteness. “Have you at least brushed your teeth?” they nodded eagerly and mrs Lester gave them a look of approval. “Good, now off to bed with you!” she blew them kisses and closed the door behind her. Dan and Phil looked at each other and burst out laughing again. Man, they loved their weekly sleepovers.
Over the course of a few months they had become the closest of friends and Phil did not seem to be bothered by the fact that Dan was three years younger. Their mum’s had become great friends as well and they were spending almost every minute together. They had so much in common, it was impossible for them not to be best friends. Although Dan always had the gnawing worry that Phil would realise how much smaller and boring Dan was and decide he wanted better friends.
Age 8 and 11
“What’s so special about this friend? Why can’t I join?” Dan whined as he watched Phil fix his fringe in front of the mirror for the millionth time. He was sitting behind the older boy, on the bed to be more exact. He’d come over, ready for their usual sleepover - the one they’d always had every Friday to Saturday for two years - refusing to believe his mum when she said Phil had other plans. Now Phil had just told him the shocking news himself and Dan didn’t want to believe it. How could this friend be more important than him?
“Because, it’s a girl I really like - or at least I think I do, I’m not quite sure what it means - and we’re going to the movies” Phil explained brushing invisible dirt off his button up shirt.
“A girl? But girls have cooties” Dan said matter-of-factly. Phil sighed and sat down next to his friend on the bed.
“Dan, you’re eight, you should know better than to think that girls have cooties” Phil scolded softly. Dan was confused. How could they not have cooties? How could Phil rather want to spend time with a girl than with Dan? He knew Phil was starting Secondary School soon, Dan was always afraid he would grow away from Dan, but didn’t think it would happen yet. It was obvious that Phil was more developed than Dan, since Dan had never seen girls in any other way than the weird aliens with cooties.
“Is she going to be your girlfriend? Will you kiss her? Do you like her more than me?” the last question was asked almost inaudible and Dan was afraid of the answer.
“Dan, I could never like anyone more than you!” Phil assured him, but the younger boy still wasn’t convinced.
He ended up going back home with his big bag, crying himself to sleep that night.
*
Dan thought that girl was a one time thing and that things would go back to normal soon, but oh, how wrong he was. Slowly Phil grew up and Dan was left behind. The older boy started to find more interest in girls and now their weekly sleepovers had become a monthly thing and Dan suddenly felt very alone. He still saw Phil pretty often, since they were neighbours, but it was not the same thing as he didn’t have his full attention like before. His worst fears had now come true. He’d tried to spend as much time with Phil as before, coming over to his house every day after school, but he was always with a girl and didn’t have time for Dan. In fact, Dan had started to feel annoying, like an annoying little kid who was just stalking his idol.
So he stopped trying.
Phil didn’t seem to notice.
Age 11 and 14
Dan was confused. Just as soon as the girls had come, they had disappeared again. Dan suddenly had Phil’s full attention again. It was weird, but he didn’t really mind. He’d missed it a lot these past few years.
“Phil, what happened to that last girl you dated?” Dan asked at about midnight from beside Phil. They had taken up their old tradition of sleepovers again. Sure, it had gotten a bit crowded in Phil’s queensized bed, but they didn’t see it as a problem. Phil turned towards Dan who was lying on his back, staring at the ceiling.
“Susan? Dan, that was ages ago” Phil sighed. “I didn’t really like her that much, there wasn’t really a spark” Dan nodded, even though he didn’t really understand.
“Have you ever, you know…” Dan trailed off, too awkward to finish the sentence. Phil understood anyway.
“No. Never more than second base, I don’t want to rush into something. Sex is something you do with someone you’re really comfortable with. Someone who you trust” Phil explained. He wasn’t sure Dan knew exactly what sex was, but he should’ve had some kind of sex ed in school already, right? He should know something about how babies are made.
“Like how I trust you?” Dan asked, turning towards Phil and looking at him with big innocent eyes. Phil’s breath hitched slightly at how close they were.
“I don’t think it’s quite the same actually, Dan” in Phil’s opinion Dan was too young to know about any of these things. Phil on the other hand, had his suspicions (okay, more than that, he was almost sure about it) that he was head over heels in love with the boy lying next to him. Sometime last year he had realised that no matter how many girls he met, none of them could ever compare to Dan. Whenever he was kissing a girl he unintentionally thought of Dan. It scared him to death at first and he tried to push it away, ignore it. Though, over the last year it became more obvious and now there was no denying it anymore. But Dan was a boy. Was it possible for two boys to even be in love? Phil had heard about homosexuality, but mostly in negative tones, by classmates. He didn’t really care about his sexuality though, he thought it was rather unnecessary to put a label on everything. Why couldn’t he just be allowed to be in love with his best friend, without being special or different? But Dan was so young. Phil was way too old for him right?
“Dan, I’m scared” the older boy’s voice was quiet and shaky.
“Why?”
“Because I’m different. People don’t like different” Dan took Phil’s hand without a doubt as that was what they had done when they were little and one of them got scared of the dark.
“It’s okay Philly, I like you just the way you are!” he snuggled closer to the older boy, who wrapped an arm around his friend. Soon the brunette’s breathing was getting slower and more regular - he was asleep. The darker haired boy had more trouble falling asleep though. Despite the warmth and comfort of having Dan so close, he was still terrified about what everyone said. While he didn’t really care about his sexuality he’d seen people get bullied real hard for being different. He was already partly bullied as he constantly had a smile on his face, which apparently was not allowed in school, and he was nice to people. Other students already called him gay and fag, what would they say if they saw this?
Phil took comfort in the knowledge that Dan would still be by his side and looked at the younger boy, peacefully asleep.
“Never change, please, never change” he whispered as he kissed the boy’s temple before actually being able to fall asleep.
That morning they woke up in a tangled mess of limbs and sheets, but no one minded.
Dan had no idea what was going on inside his best friend’s head, but he had his full attention and that was all he ever wanted. Phil had started to really show a friendly affection for Dan and the younger boy was thriving. He was no longer worried that Phil would grow sick of him, not at the moment anyway. He had completely forgotten about the last few years when they’d grown apart. Only the present mattered and in the present, they were closer than ever. In a way Dan had never even imagined.
Age 14 and 17
Phil had come to terms with his sexuality. He embraced it and wasn’t very bothered by people’s words anymore. He was showing Dan more affection than ever, shamelessly taking his hand in public, hugging him, constantly keeping an arm around his shoulder. (He may or may not have been sneaking in a kiss on the cheek here and there on special occasions) Dan on the other hand was just starting to explore it. He realised on his 14th birthday that while all his friends had had several girlfriends, he hadn’t had one. Was something wrong with him? He had never found a girl interesting enough to actually make an effort to make her his. Most girls seemed to stay away from him as well, which contributed to the issue. He had just never found anyone worth prioritising over Phil. He had always thought their close relationship was normal, that everyone had that same kind of relationship with a friend. And Phil had done everything in his power to hide Dan from the bullies, to not allow him to hear the harsh and hateful words. For such a high age, Dan was blissfully oblivious to the whispers that occurred whenever he let Phil wrap an arm around him or take his hand.
Until one day.
Phil had caught a terrible cold over christmas break and had to stay home from school. As Dan was happily making his way to his locker on the first afternoon of his best friend being absent two slightly bigger guys approached him. He greeted them with a nod and a smile, eager to get home, so he could go and see Phil. The guys had something else in mind though.
“Where’s the boyfriend?” one of them asked. Dan looked at them in confusion.
“Boyfriend?”
“Yeah, your little faggot of a boyfriend. The one with the weird hair - kind of like yours - always with his arm around you, whispering in your ear” the other one made a face while talking.
“Oh, you mean Phil? He’s ill today” Dan was still oblivious to their intentions, which caused him to be really confused when the two boys laughed.
“At least they know it’s a sickness” the first one said, making the other one grin.
“The worst one” the other one filled in.
“Oh, I think he’s just caught a cold, nothing that terrible. But thanks for your concern!” Dan tried to get past them, he was really anxious to see Phil, but they blocked his way.
“Oh, we weren’t talking about a cold. We were talking about your gayness. That’s the worst sickness of them all!”
“What? I’ve never heard that homosexuality is a sickness, that’s crazy!” Dan really wanted to go now, he wasn’t very fond of these guys. To be honest, they actually scared him a bit.
“You hear that, Brad? Seems like we have to get some sense into this faggot” the first one said as the other one pushed Dan into the lockers.
Okay, now he was really frightened. The two guys then continued to take turns kicking and beating him until he fell to ground where they continued to kick him until he went numb. When they’d gotten bored they just spat on him and left, kicking his schoolbag, that had ended up a short distance from him, on their way out. Dan slowly sat up with his back against the locker. The numbness had started to fade and now everything hurt. The words they’d said still clouded his mind. Faggot. Gayness. Sickness. They didn’t make any sense. Why would homosexuality be a sickness, that was the real question. He was also wondering what the word Faggot could mean, it didn’t sound positive, but he’d never heard it before.
When he finally mustered enough strength to get home, he looked up the word and was shocked by it’s meaning. He was shocked that someone could think that homosexuality was something negative - a sin even. He hadn’t even thought of his sexuality up until this point. Was he gay? How would he even know if he was? Did it seem like him and Phil were a couple? Were they really acting that way? Was Phil gay?
Dan didn’t visit Phil that afternoon, but Phil was too ill to notice. Or, almost too ill to notice, he did feel the absence of his best friend who’d promised to come over and cheer him up with sweets and soup.
In fact, Dan didn’t visit Phil at all that week. He got beaten up in school every day and he didn’t want Phil to know. Besides, he was really scared that he might be homosexual, because apparently that was a bad thing. Maybe he should try and get some distance from Phil while he worked it out.
By the weekend Phil was feeling a lot better and decided to visit his friend. He was surprised to see mrs Howell open the door instead of her son.
“He’s had a rough week, I hope you can cheer him up” was all she said as she gestured to the stairs. Phil climbed them in a rush, worried about his friend. When he opened the door to Dan’s room he was shocked by the darkness. Usually Dan’s room was well lit, as he was scared of the dark, but now, not a light was on. Phil carefully entered the room.
“Dan?” he called out. No answer. He decided to turn on the lights, as with his clumsiness he was bound to trip over something any minute. He let his eyes adjust to the brightness and noticed a black clothed figure in the corner of the room.
“Dan, are you okay?” the boy straightened out from his crawled up position and Phil immediately noticed the black eye and the wounds on his face. He rushed to Dan’s side and took his face in his own hands.
“What happened?” Dan refused to answer and simply turned his head away. “Dan, who did this to you?” Phil tried, but the younger boy refused to open his mouth. “Why would someone do this?” Phil sighed and wrapped his arms around the wounded boy. Dan was hesitant at first but gave in to the gesture and leaned in to Phil’s side.
“I’m disgusting and weird. I don’t belong in this society” Dan whispered. Phil froze.
“They said that to you?” Dan nodded slowly, a tear slipping down his cheek which he furiously wiped away. “Why?”
“Because they're right. I'm a disgusting faggot who doesn't deserve the good things I have” Phil let go of him.
“Dan, don't listen to them! There's nothing wrong with you, you're perfect! And who cares if you're homosexual, that doesn't make you a different person!” Dan looked up at his friend.
“It's your fault!” he said, louder than when he'd spoken before. Phil was taken back by his sudden outburst. What was his fault? “It's your fault I have this disgusting disease. You spread it to me!”
“Wh- Dan, what are you talking about? What disease?” Phil reached out a hand to touch Dan's shoulder, but the younger boy slapped it away. “Dan?”
“Get away from me you filthy faggot!”
“Dan? What's going on? Please talk to me!”
“GET AWAY FROM ME!!” Dan shouted as he started hitting Phil furiously. Phil scrambled to his feet as he hurriedly made his way to the door. In the doorway he cast one last glance at his best friend, who was back in his curled up ball sobbing violently. Phil wanted nothing more than to comfort him, but he knew that Dan wouldn't let him come near.
I'll just talk to him tomorrow. Phil thought as he made his way back to his own house.
He tried the next day, but Dan wanted nothing to do with him. So Phil tried the day after that, and the day after that and so on until he saw Dan maybe a week later making out with a girl in the corridor. He came to the conclusion that Dan didn't want him in his life anymore. Maybe it was better this way, he was starting university soon anyway, which meant he'd be moving. At least that process might be less painful now.
So he stopped trying.
Dan didn't seem to notice.
Only he did and it hurt more than anything ever had.
Age 18 and 21
Phil was almost finished with Uni by now and Dan had finally finished High School. They hadn’t actually hung out since that week four years ago. Sure, Phil had come home to visit his family as often as he could and then they would always have dinner with the Howell’s one night, but Dan wasn’t always there. And if he was there, he looked like it was the last place he wanted to be at and left as soon as he could. Phil knew that Dan had dated a lot of girls these past years and it hurt. Not only because he’d come to the conclusion that Dan didn’t want him in his life, but also because he couldn’t help but think that Dan was escaping from something. That something being his sexuality. The once happy boy, constantly with a smile on his face and always dressed in lot’s of colours, now had a frown as his favourite expression and wore nothing but black. The times Phil had seen him he actually looked pretty depressed and Phil was seriously worried. He’d tried bringing it up with his mum, but she just dismissed it as typical teen behaviour - Phil shouldn’t be worried. He was though. He was very worried.
Phil had dated some guys in university, even a girl once, but he never felt the spark he did with Dan. He missed his best friend so much it physically hurt. He hoped that Dan would eventually accept himself and come out of the depression he’d fallen into. Maybe it would be easier for him now that he’d finished high school.
*
It was summer holidays and Phil was really happy to be home, especially since this summer one of his best friends from Uni had come with him. PJ’s parents actually lived just about 10 minutes from their apartment building, so he saw them basically every weekend. Therefore he had decided to come with Phil to see the place where his friend grew up. PJ had already been introduced to Phil’s parents and brother who was home for once and he’d made a good impression. Phil was worried they might think PJ was his boyfriend or something, which was totally not true (yuck!) since PJ already had a boyfriend back at campus, but they seemed to be safe from that problem.
“Phiiiiil!” PJ whined and fell back on the bed as they’d just finished another game of Mario Kart on his fourth day there. “I don’t want to offend your beloved hometown, but isn’t there something else we could do besides playing video games? It’s summer, can’t we go outside, or at least let some sun into this room?” Phil chuckled and opened his curtains. His window had a view over the neighbour’s house and he recognised Dan’s figure behind the thin curtains of the opposite window. His smile turned into a frown at the sight of his old friend.
“Phil? Are you okay?” Phil woke up from his trance and looked at PJ. He’d told him there was a guy back home, but the details of the events were never mentioned.
“I think it’s time that I told you the truth about the guy I mentioned before”
“Dan?” PJ sat up straight and Phil sat down next to him. “Are you sure?” Phil nodded.
“It’s not that big of a deal actually, just a sore subject” PJ nodded, but remained silent to show that he wasn’t going to interrupt while Phil talked. So Phil talked. And he talked. All the emotions he’d been somewhat trying to push away came flooding back and without noticing, tears started falling down his cheeks. Oh God, how much he missed his Dan.
After Phil told PJ everything the friend thought that it would be convenient to take a walk, since Phil looked pretty pale and in the need of proper oxygen. Since the bedroom was a bit stuffy, Phil agreed. Therefore the two boys were now walking through the park where Phil pointed out spots in the playground and told PJ about all his childhood memories. It was nice to think of more happy memories. They stopped by the ice cream shop, since Phil wanted to introduce his friend to the local homemade ice cream. (“Literally the best in the world! You’ll love it”) And then sat down on a bench, looking at the playground and the kids playing in the summer heat. Phil was enjoying himself, feeling a bit like the sun on the cloudless sky, until he recognised a figure he’d seen not too long ago. Then his skies filled up with clouds. He looked down at the ground, hoping the person wouldn’t see him, and hoping they would. PJ was busy smiling at the kids dreaming about the ones he’d have one day.
“Phil?” Phil looked up from the ground and met the brown eyes of his dreams - and of his nightmares. This seemed to break PJ from his trance. He looked slightly beside the head of the person in front of him (not wanting to really look at the person he hadn't talked to in ages), addressing his best friend.
“D-Dan! Uhm, h-hi!” Phil averted his gaze to the ground again. PJ made a silent noise of realisation beside him.
“Uhm, Phil, are you done with your ice cream? Should I throw away the cup for you?” Phil nodded and gave his empty cup to PJ, thankful for his friend’s quick mind. Dan was actually acknowledging Phil, and if the younger boy was finally ready to talk to him again, Phil wasn’t throwing that away. He glanced up at the boy in front of him.
“So, you’re back” Dan said awkwardly, scratching his neck, a gesture Phil had learnt to recognise as nervousness over the years. He glanced at his feet again. “It’s been a while, huh?”
“Yeah… Well… I mean, I’ve been back here quite a lot the past few years, you just seem to have been too busy with other things to really take the time to notice” Phil couldn’t hide the bitterness in his voice. Dan flinched a bit at his once best friend’s harsh tone.
“Yeah, I’m sorry about that”
“No need to be, you probably had a great time with all the girls you banged while running from your true self” Phil was still not looking at Dan, but he could hear the wince and the pebbles under his shoes as Dan subconsciously took a small step back. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that” Phil sighed and finally looked up. His heart skipped a beat as he really took in the sight of the boy in front of him. He was dressed all in black, despite the heat, the sun was shining from behind him creating a kind of aura and his hair was slightly curly from him probably being so warm because of his clothing choice. Phil remembered what that hair felt like in his hands and his heart ached.
“It’s okay, you’re right” Dan sighed. “I was running away, hiding. I still am. I don’t know who I am, or how to define myself. I don’t even know why I’m telling you this, because you probably hate me and I don’t really blame you, but you’re my best friend even though we haven’t talked in ages, because no one else really likes me all that much and I don’t like them all that much either, and I’m sorry that I’m wasting your time, because you’re probably longing to get out of here and away from me, I’m sorry I’ll leave!” Dan took a deep breath after his little rant and started backing away from Phil before turning around and almost running away from there. When Phil’s brain had comprehended what just happened, it was too late for him to stop his friend. He was left on the bench with a heart aching even more than before because Dan thought he hated him. That thought alone was almost too much for Phil to bear. He felt as if his inside would collapse, why wouldn’t Dan just stay a little longer so Phil could’ve stopped him and told him how much he loved him. Because he did. Love him that is. He loved the brown haired boy so much, more than life itself, and it hurt to see him like this. Because Dan was a wreck, even more of wreck than Phil, and it was so obvious. Phil just wished he could comfort him.
*
A few days after their meeting in the park PJ had to go home and Phil was once again left alone with his evening thoughts. Although the thoughts came to an abrupt stop when he heard a noise he’d know anywhere. Dan was singing.
It had been so long since he’d heard the wonderful sound that was Dan’s singing. Phil walked up to his open window and pulled the curtains aside. The sun had started to set in the distance and everything was so well suited for the situation. Dan’s window was open too, which wasn’t really surprising since it was late June and the houses didn’t have air conditioning. His curtains were pulled aside and Phil could see into his room where he was sat at the piano with his back to Phil. Phil stood there by the window and just listened to the song he didn’t recognise and when it ended he realised he’d closed his eyes and quickly opened them again.
“I missed you singing” he said, just loud enough for Dan to hear. The younger boy swiveled in his chair with a look of surprise. “Was it a new original song? I didn’t recognise it” Dan nodded shyly, trying to understand why the man who probably hated him was making conversation. “I really liked it”
“Thanks” Dan wheeled his office chair to the window to get closer to his neighbour. “I wrote it a year ago, when I was really missing you” Dan said quietly, regretting the words as soon as they’d left his tongue. He looked down at his hands and played with his fingers. Phil noticed this and it was so adorable, because it reminded him of when they were younger and Dan got really nervous.
“You wrote about me?” Dan nodded, but didn’t avert his gaze from his knee. “Meet me by the swings, I feel like we have a lot to talk about” Phil said and left the window before Dan could protest.
The swings were a set of swings on Phil’s backyard, that had been there since the beginning of time. Years ago, that was their favourite spot to play in - and later, their “deep talk spot”. Phil wasn’t sure Dan would actually come down, but after slowly swinging back and forth on a swing alone for a short while, he was joined by the younger boy. The swings were placed in a part of the garden that was hidden from all other eyes, so they could have some privacy there.
“Dan, I don’t hate you” Phil said bluntly. Dan sat down on the swing next to him and slowly started to kick himself off the ground. “I was just hurt by the way you act”
“I’m sorry” Dan whispered. An awkward silence settled over them and the only sound heard was the creaking of the old swings. Out of the blue Phil suddenly started laughing. It wasn’t just a giggle, it was a full on my stomach hurts laugh. He laughed so hard he fell off his swing, which caused Dan to start laughing too. Phil eventually managed to get to his feet and back on the swing, although still laughing.
“It feels like ages ago since we laughed that hard” Dan said quietly when their laughter finally died down.
“Yeah, I’ve missed you so much” Dan looked up at Phil.
“So you really don’t hate me?” Phil chuckled softly, shaking his head.
“I could never hate you, Dan! Sure, an explanation would’ve been nice, but you’re here now and I’d like to think that’s what matters” Dan looked back at his feet.
“I’m sorry-”
“Stop saying that, I told you, it’s okay now”
“Sor-” Phil reached over and put his hand over the younger boy’s mouth, shaking his head. The awkward silence returned and Phil removed his hand from Dan’s mouth and looked at his feet.
“So, how’s university?” Dan said, not being able to handle the silence. Phil wanted to laugh at their attempt to act grown up, but held it in.
“It’s alright I guess… I accidentally set the kitchen on fire, but otherwise, things have been quite good actually” Dan made a weird sound, trying to stop his laugh, not quite succeeding. The tension between them started to disappear and Phil relaxed. “It’s okay to laugh, when I think back at it, the situation is quite humorous. Sounds a lot like something I would do…” Dan laughed out loud this time, making Phil smile.
“How does it feel to finally be free from High School?” Dan’s laughter died out. “It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it, we can talk about something else” Dan gave him a thankful smile. The awkward silence returned for a while before Phil started talking about the breakup of My Chemical Romance and things were back to the way they were ages ago.
The sun had completely set by now, but the boys weren’t bothered by it. Their conversation didn’t stop for a second. It was like everything had always been okay. When the crickets started making their sounds the two boys realised that they'd talked for more than an hour.
“I should probably go back inside” Dan said,not really wanting to leave, not now when everything finally seemed to be almost back to normal. Phil whispered a quiet Yeah back, not wanting the brunette to leave either.
“So we’re friends again now?” Dan asked as he stood up from the swing. Phil nodded.
“Of course!” Dan smiled.
“Again, I’m really sorry for how I acted. I know it wasn’t fair on you and- “
“Dan, it’s okay, I swear!”
“No, it’s not! I acted like such a douche! I had no right to treat you like that and I’m- “ before Dan could react Phil had stood up from his swing and taken two long strides to him. Dan’s apology was interrupted by Phil’s lips on his. It only took a second for the younger boy’s mind to react and he was kissing back, wrapping his arms around the slightly taller boy’s neck as Phil’s hands came to rest on his waist. The kiss was soft and loving, containing all of the feelings they’d both bottled up for years. When it ended a few seconds later they were both slightly breathless.
“If you say sorry one more time, I swear I’m going to unfriend you on facebook and steal your Pokémon cards” Phil whispered, his forehead against Dan’s. Dan gasped.
“You wouldn’t”
“Do you dare to try me?” Dan shook his head - No he didn’t. Phil smiled with a happy sigh. “I love you bear” Dan’s stomach erupted in butterflies at the old nickname. He gently pressed his lips against Phil’s again, whispering an “I love you too” against his lips.
“I KNEW IT!” the two boys were woken from their trance by the outburst coming from the bushes behind them. The bushes started to move and out stepped Phil’s older brother.
“Were you spying on us?” Phil asked, not moving his hands from Dan.
“I’m telling mum! She’ll be so happy! Oh! Dan, tell your dad that he owes me ten quid!” Phil’s brother ignored the question and ran into the house, leaving the two lovers alone again.
“I can’t believe they bet on us!” Phil said in disbelief.
“Yeah, yeah - unbelievable! Can we please make out now?” Phil laughed at Dan’s impatient face and once again captured the younger boy’s lips with his own, this time grazing the bottom lip with his tongue. Dan smiled happily into the kiss as he let Phil into his mouth.
As the moon spread its light in the late June evening, the two boys were swallowed by their love for each other. A love that they had finally allowed to exist.
The universe was now in order.