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Mobius let out a sigh as he rolled his jet ski magazines together and placed them in the cardboard box with the rest of his belongings. A sad collection of all the small knickknacks he’d accumulated over his many centuries at the TVA. Paperweights and his favourite mug. Nothing unique but it was stuff that had always lived on his desk; And his magazines, but no one else had anything like those. Those were his alone. He looked down at the piles of files and stray papers. The last time he’d sat at this desk the problem had been so much smaller. Simpler times. The diagrams and notes they’d scrawled, trying to figure out that tempad. Mobius picked up a piece of paper, nothing special just musings of what they could try, a sketch of the components drawn haphazardly but with enough detail to remain useful. Nothing special at all; except it was Loki’s scrawling.
A bittersweet dullness settling in his chest. A fondness for the memory, the way they’d bicker light-heartedly with each other over some silly schematics; warring with the grief that he’d never get to have it again. No more heartfelt discussions over Keylime pie. No more silly goofs. He smiled to himself, remembering Chicago. How he’d managed to convince Loki to ride the tandem bike he’d never know, but the image of the God of Mischief on that bike was not one he’d forget. It was certainly one of the happier memories. His heart heaved and tears threatened to spill. He loved the TVA, he’d said to Loki that this was his life, his home. And it was, but somehow Loki had worked their way into that bubble of ‘home’, laid their roots and anchored themself to it with infectious grins and disarming charm. Now the TVA wasn’t home. Not without them here as well.
He stared down at the handwritten note, the futility of it lurking behind all their efforts. He sighed. Folding the paper and tucking it into his jacket pocket.
Sentimental fool.
As he gathered the box into his arms he heard B-15 approaching him. He looked up at her, taking in the slight expression on her face, nervousness and sorrow.
“Look, B-15, I know you want me to stay; but I can’t... I just can’t.” He didn’t want this conversation again. He didn’t want it to be harder than it already was.
“I know Mobius” Her expression was filled with sympathy; she’d seen the toll Loki’s absence had taken on him and while she didn’t want to see him go, she understood why. She slid a tempad out from her pocket, running her fingers hesitantly over the ridges before placing it in his box. “Just... You’re always welcome here, whatever happens, whatever you find out there. We’ll be here for you if you need us.”
Mobius nodded, not quite able to find the words to respond to that, turning and carrying his box to the elevator, wandering down the walkways, heading down towards the employee residences. He paused briefly outside of the Archives, the memory of searching through lists of apocalypses still fresh in his mind. He smiled to himself, remembering how Loki had fallen asleep, resting their head on the files like they were pillows. How that was comfortable he didn’t know but they’d drifted right off, most likely exhausted. It had been sweet, though he’d never dream of saying that to their face. For all the comments Loki let him get away with during that time, that one certainly would have gotten him a knife in the ribs.
He shook his head, shaking away that small feeling of happiness, unwilling to let his current situation make the memory sour. Pressing on he continued down the halls, ignoring any other landmarks that would drag memories to the surface. Staying focused on reaching his apartment. He eventually came to stop in front of one of the doors and unlocked it.
Stepping inside and placing the box down by the door, he paused for a moment letting his gaze drift across the furnishings. It was bittersweet really. He’d lived in this apartment for five hundred years; although it was probably longer considering he’d had memories taken from him. There was no way to know how old he actually was. He tried not to dwell on that; choosing instead to focus on the task at hand. Packing.
Looking around the room there weren’t a lot of possessions he had to take with him, his clothes predominantly. Opening the wardrobe, he started the laborious task of folding the clothes, placing each item down on the desk once folded. Why he had so many of the same brown suit he had no idea.
Briefly he considered leaving some of them here, in case he did decide to come back, but decided against it. Someone else would need this room eventually, there were new people joining the TVA every day now that there was an actual recruitment process instead of people just being kidnapped. If he did come back, it wouldn’t be this room he’d be returning too. That was fine, it was a small comfort to know that there would even be a room at all. B-15's offer wouldn’t be forgotten.
He sighed again as he reached for the small suitcase under his desk, lifting it up to rest on the desk next to the pile of haphazardly folded clothes, unzipping it to begin packing them away.
“Mobius”
His hands stilled.
It was a lie, he knew that. A trick conjured by his brain. The part that was too afraid to leave the only home he’d had. He couldn’t let it convince him to stay. But he really wanted it to be true, for Loki to be behind him. Despite everything that he’d seen in the last few days, despite every ounce of logic telling him it wasn’t possible. That Loki was gone.
“Mobius please”
He didn’t want to be wrong; he didn’t want to turn to find an empty room, devoid of warmth and life like every time before. He braced himself against the edge of the desk. Damnit, it would be so much easier if he didn’t keep hearing their voice everywhere.
“Just look at me? Please give me at least that?”
He could wait this out, he didn’t need the reminder that Loki was gone. He just needed to wait till the incessant voice stopped-
A hand came to rest hesitantly on his shoulder. Slowly and gently as if it was afraid of scaring him, as if trying to ease him into its presence. ‘Of course it was being gentle’ a bitter voice inside his head snarked ‘You're shaking like a leaf’. He looked over his shoulder; his body turning to follow after him, trembling under the weight of this impossible hand. Bright green eyes met his, outlined by worried crinkles and tensed eyebrows and pursed lips, not frowning but neither smiling. The very picture of worry and concern. The hand drifted from his shoulder to the bend in his elbow, the other hand reaching up to mirror the other. Holding him and keeping him grounded in the same manner that Mobius had done when Loki was panicking. To calm and to reassure.
It only served to make him burn more.
The tears that had threatened to rise earlier made their brutal reappearance. Dripping down his cheeks, he forewent the gentle touches on his arms and collapsed against the warmth that was Loki. Burying his face in the crook between their shoulder and neck, hiding his tears despite the knowledge that they were both aware that he was crying.
Mobius’ arms were pulling him closer, pressing them into his skin, scared that this was just another level of the trickery his mind had played on him over the past few days. But it couldn’t be faked, it was too real. The feel of the fabric beneath his fingers, the scratch of their cloak against his nose and cheek. The smell of them, the comfort it provided. Your brain can’t replicate smell. This was real. It was real!
He felt Loki’s arms wrap around him, one settling between his shoulder blades, the other coming to rest against his neck. Cupping the back of his head, their thumb working soothing circles against his skull. Leaning his cheek against Mobius’ head, cradling him in their arms.
“Didn’t think you were coming back” he said it quietly, muffled against the cloak he was pressing his face into.
“...I didn’t know if I’d be able to” They were slow to respond, cautious and careful. “I’m not staying, I can’t stay but... you deserve a goodbye”
Mobius pulled back from their embrace; staring at their face, memorizing the different edges and the laugh lines. Smirking light-heartedly as he replied.
“Oh, I deserve a goodbye, do I?”
Loki cocked their head, mirth dancing in those beautiful green eyes. A mannerism he’d seen them do often. One he’d come to love. One he’d missed so much.
“Well, I wanted one either way” Their grin had returned as well; not as wide as it used to be, but there. A note of the cocky arrogance they’d first had when they came to the TVA sneaking in.
He sighed, his voice gentle and coaxing “What happened Loki? We had a plan, one that would work. The throughput multiplier!”
Loki’s face fell, the mirth that had crowded his features being pushed aside by overwhelming sorrow. “The throughput multiplier never works, Mobius. The loom was never supposed to support more branches...it was always going to meltdown as soon as the timeline started branching.”
“How did you figure that out? We never even got to try you just went all self-sacrificial on us!” He tried to keep the frustration out of his voice, but it was difficult. Loki had left, acted on his own and left behind a group of confused and scared people. None of them knowing what was happening. Well, Sylvie seemed to have some inkling but when had she ever told them anything.
“The timeslippling. I learned to control it.”
“The timesli-? Loki, we fixed that, I know we fixed that. I almost lost my skin for that!”
“Yes, I know very complicated, lots of different things happened. I might need a white board and some sticky notes?” They winked at Mobius, the mask of mischief returning “Maybe another salad?”
Mobius laughed, a proper laugh that started deep in his chest, as he recalled the wonderfully awful metaphor that was the Ragnarök salad “No, no more salads. Stop ruining my lunches!” His gazed softened slightly before he spoken again in a hushed tone “You’re deflecting Loki. Tell me, what happened?”
Loki’s expression dropped; the mischief gone, leaving behind a man with worry and fear etched into their face like a scar.
“You were gone Mobius; you were all gone. And I was timeslipping and I found you all again, but it wasn’t you. And the timelines were disintegrating and-” He took a shaky breath “You died Mobius, all of you died and I was alone, and everything was dying. But then it wasn’t because I slipped.” Another breath “I came back here but we kept failing. For so, so long. And when we finally succeeded, after so many deaths. It meant nothing. It could never work; you can’t scale for infinity. That’s what he said- what Timely said!” Their panicked breathing cutting them off. Trying to maintain their composure against the weight they were carrying.
Mobius let his hands drift from Loki’s shoulder blades to their sides; His thumbs drifting over the faint impression of ribs under their jacket, soothing their breathing with every movement. “I take it that’s the heavily simplified version? So what now, you sit at He Who Remains seat? Holding it all together?”
That happily sad smile again “Yes”
“Why Loki? Why do that?” His tone was hushed, barely a whisper. Afraid that if he tried to speak his voice would break beneath the weight of all the emotions he was feeling.
“The branches would have died otherwise; it would have all been for nothi-”
“Don’t give me a hero’s excuse Loki!” He cut them off, his words escaping his mouth before he could think them over. “I don’t want to hear about ‘the only option’ and ‘nothing else to be done’! Why did you leave?!”
why did you leave me ?
They smiled at him. Oh, so sadly, “So that you can live, so that you can have a choice. So that everyone gets a choice... I didn’t want you to die Mobius”
Loki’s eyes were tracing over his features, memorising what he looked like, reminding him that they weren’t staying.
“But you’re alone?”
They gave a curt nod “I know”
The thinly veiled pain behind their beautiful, shining eyes; It struck deeply into his heart.
“You feared being alone...” a scared little boy
“Not more than I fear losing you. You, Sylvie, B-15, OB, Casey. I don’t want to be alone but I’d rather you be alive. I can take the loneliness. I can take being alone if it keeps you all safe.” They pressed their forehead against Mobius’. Closing their eyes, letting the tears drip down their cheeks. “I can’t lose you Mobius. Not you. Not the man who looked out for me. Not the man telling me stories over pie, not our small little bickering, not the care that you’ve shown me. I’ve seen it before; I’ve seen you not be you. Not remembering me. Not knowing me. I can’t go through that again; I can’t bear the thought.” They were trembling now, tremors in their fingers and the shuddering of their shoulders. “I can’t lose you Mobius I can’t!”
Mobius scanned Loki’s face as they spoke, the trembling of their lip, the creasing of their brow. He let his hand drift up to cup their cheek, smoothing out the crinkling around their eyes with the soft, soothing motions of his thumb. The burning heat of their tears beneath his fingertips. He watched as their eyelids fluttered, head dipping slightly into his touch. An action that could have gone unnoticed; but Mobius was watching their every movement. Every twitch of their cheeks, every shaky breath that left their lips.
He didn’t think before softly pressing his own against them.
His hand still cupping Loki’s cheek as he kissed him, slowly and tenderly and soft enough that if they wanted Loki could push him away. Either way they were both leaving. Loki back to their unwanted throne and Mobius to his nowhere life. He had nothing to lose in this tiny act of foolish bravery. Nothing lost or gained.
His heart stuttered when he felt lips moving in response to his own. Loki’s arms snaking around his neck, their hand returning to the place buried amongst his hair, pulling him closer to them. Mobius felt like he was floating and falling all at once, the room around them becoming fuzzy and slipping out of focus. His attention only on Loki, the hand in his hair and the movement of their lips against his own, the steadily heating skin beneath his fingertips. Lost in what they could have had if only they'd realised it sooner. But they'd never had time for this, they’d never had the time for anything. Too busy trying to save the timelines. Too busy to realise that this was even between them.
Loki pulled apart first, their hands falling to rest on his shoulders and pressing their foreheads together again. Their eyes closed, refusing to look him in the eyes, subtly shaking their head. His other hand coming up to cup their other cheek, cradling Loki’s head in his hands. They blinked and more scalding tears fell from his eyes and down over Mobius’ hands.
“Loki? What’s wrong?” His voice was laced with concern, and it only seemed to make their tears fall faster. They seemed stuck, unable to decide whether they wanted to lean into his hands or push him away entirely.
“Don’t do that” They whispered, barely audible. “Don’t make me want to stay”
“Oh Loki” He pulled the god’s head down to rest on his shoulder, holding the back of their head, dragging them closer into a hug. “Neither of us are staying. I’ll leave because the TVA isn’t the same without you; And you’ll go back for the same reason you went in the first place”
He felt them let out a strained chuckle, their bitter tone muffled “Glorious purpose.”
Mobius lifted them from his shoulder, raising their head to look them in the eye. This time they didn’t hide, their green gaze staring back at him.
“Let’s just have this?” he stared at Loki’s face, looking for any signs of hesitancy. Instead, Loki took a few steps back, grasping Mobius’ hands in theirs and guiding him to follow them. They moved back till the backs of their knees hit the edge of the bed. They sat down, letting go of Mobius’ hands to climb further back on the mattress, leaving enough room for Mobius to join them. He smiled before doing so, climbing up to lay next to Loki and gently manoeuvring them so that they were lying half on his chest, their head tucked into the crook between his neck and his shoulder. He pulled him closer, fingers moving in soothing circles on his back, offering a sense of security and comfort.
“I’m not mad at you” He whispers in a hushed tone. “I never could be. I’m sad that you’ve left, but I get it”
Loki didn’t reply, but he felt their hands tighten their grip on him. Unwilling to let go as they both drifted to sleep.
Mobius didn’t know how much time had passed when he woke up, just that Loki was awake. Bright-eyed and staring up at him like they’d been watching him for a while. It struck him that this was the last he’d see of Loki for a while. If he saw them again at all.
That thought sent a sharp, piercing ache through his heart, that he might never see this beautiful being again, that this could be the end of their time together. He couldn’t fault Loki for staring now, he was doing the same.
He smirked, an undertone of sadness to it “So what? You’re just going to be watching me like this for the rest of eternity?”
Loki grinned, not the same Cheshire grin they always used to wear. One that was tired but still filled with laughter and mirth. Still ever the God of Mischief. “Not quite like this, And not just you, the entire multiverse. But yes, I’ll keep an eye on you Mobius” There was that ‘happily sad’ smile again, the same as the one they’d given everyone before they stepped out to the loom.
Mobius looked down into Loki’s eyes as he spoke. Bittersweet mirth dancing in his words. “For all Time?”
Loki smiled. “Always.”