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Black engulfed the streets as shadows of swaying trees decorated the pavement, contrasted by the shining street lamps. A path of white light shone through the darkness, void of any human activity except one.
A pair of piercing blue eyes scanned the area, sweeping over the familiar layout. The same rectangular building to his right. The same willow tree towards his left. Yet the peaceful scene did not set him at ease. His eyes darted around in search of something, ears straining to hear anything.
The road ended abruptly, and there it was. A looming creature walked out of the shadows, drooling at the sight of his next meal. The crackling of lightning from his sword was his only source of light, as the monster’s agitation knocked out the street lamps. Sparks exploded from the sword, struggling to stay lit, just enough for him to take in the sight of his opponent.
Without hesitation, he jumped on the creature’s shoulders and slashed it in the side, handicapping it. Followed by a stab to its eyeball, the creature fell with a loud thud. It was automatic, almost mechanical, and if he couldn’t feel the beating of his heart, he would have been convinced of it too.
Crimson red spilled from its disfigured body, and that’s when he knew that it was dead. He doesn’t spare another glance, knowing the sight of its pitifully humane appearance will do him more harm than good.
It is just how the world works, he reminded himself. Kill or get killed.
He could almost hear his father’s reprimanding voice, though he wondered vaguely how trustworthy an alcoholic’s words were. Especially an alcoholic who was never home for months on end.
The light in the street lamp flickered back again. He chuckled humorlessly as he followed the path of light once again, bordered by the shadows of trees planted beside the sidewalk, enveloping the light with darkness. Almost as if it was taunting the light for being powerless. This interaction goes unnoticed by the residents tucked into their beds and the wandering sword-wielder, deep in thought.
He wonders what orange would look like to him in the midst of endless black and white. Where would it stand on that range?
He answers this question himself. It was a nuisance to his battles, too bright and loud. A weakness. A rotten colour belonging to the rotten monsters who hid in the dark. And with this thought, he kicks the fallen autumn leaves into the darkness, clearing it out of his path of light. Out of his sight.
The world spins in a circle.
The cycle continues.
Teru wonders when he’ll be able to escape this.
–
1:25am.
He was almost done with his nightly patrol, and the supernatural scent in his neighbourhood finally ceased. Would his father be proud? Teru’s thoughts strayed. A metallic taste of blood filled his mouth, as he bit his tongue. It wasn’t a good habit, but he was far from good. All that matters was that it distracted him.
Should he feel proud or disgusted for the monster he has become?
Even if it was for the greater good, what exactly could he be proud of? He didn’t deserve the flowery praise for the perfectly moulded appearance he hid behind. Not when he himself was a coward, who only knew how to speak with his sword, with words as sharp as its blade.
The name Minamoto weighs heavily on his back. He shakes these thoughts away, biting his tongue again.
Teru reaches the end of the neighbourhood, surprised by how he managed to do so without collapsing. Driven only by his sheer willpower, working as motor oil. He thinks that there is no difference, and wonders what would happen if it ran out.
He wishes he never thought of that.
Teru wishes he never learnt how to feel. Yet the aching pain in his heart always leads him back to the boy with the brightest brown eyes, with a tinge of teal. The boy whose devotion was a volcano. Teru wishes to drown in its lava.
He wishes for many things he can’t have, was that selfish?
Teru looks towards the moon for consolation, searching for a non-existent answer in its bright light. To follow its path. To attempt to be the righteous person Akane effortlessly is.
The moon’s silence was unnerving. Teru interprets it himself, fully aware it was his wishful thinking. But no one was around, no one would be able to ever find out.
Teru finally picks up the leaf he was eyeing for the past few minutes. Guilt of giving into himself washed over, but his soul escaped with every breath, and he finds his carefulness slipping away with it.
The rough edges of an auburn maple leaf met his hand and he only spared it a few seconds of inspection before pocketing it, hiding it from his sight. A sign of betrayal towards his morals, lying on the undefined space between black and white. He never wants to see it again. So why does he protect it, as if it’s the only thing he ever knew?
Teru’s head hurts, his heart even more so. Just another reminder of his failure to keep his emotions out of the way.
He resorts to something that has always worked. And thus decides to go further with his exorcism duties today.
His arms burned in protest, his feet numb from the rough concrete, his core aching with every breath intake. But he had experienced this pain his entire life, and decided that he’d rather fall to his muscles than let his thoughts swallow him whole.
He dragged his legs forward and narrowed his eyes. Calculating, focusing on the threat of the monsters ahead. He still had things to lose, things to live for. The castle he built out of the crumbs he gingerly put together over the years of training will not be blown over by a boy with the brightest brown eyes and teal highlights. Never.
Teru doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to outrun this cycle.
–
2:05am.
Teru rests his palms on his knees, bending forward to catch his breath. Maybe he had overestimated his abilities, but it was all he believed in, so admitting to that will be a defiance to his own self worth. Teru has enough to think about already, so he pushes this thought away.
Just as he lifts his head, he sees a crown of ginger hair approaching him, wearing the same black framed glasses and a bright smile.
What the fuck. What is Akane doing here?
Teru wants to run, but his feet were strangely rooted, mesmerised yet again by Akane’s effortless comfort of a presence. He was half supernatural, yet he was still more human than Teru could ever become. (He reeks of supernatural scent, way more than normal, Teru notes. Something inside Teru told him to tear his eyes away, that this Akane was different, but Teru doesn’t listen to it.)
“Akane?” Teru asked cautiously, unable to believe his eyes. He is just like the sun, and everyone close to him turns into Icarus. Akane was too close, and Teru doesn’t want to see yet another person fall.
“Teru! Does your night shift usually end this late?” Akane replied, his bright smile widening at the sight of Teru, his voice full of enthusiasm and surprise.
Teru frowned, thoroughly baffled. Akane would never smile at him like this. He would be lucky to even approach Akane without being glared at. And the enthusiastic voice just makes him even more confused. The alarms in his head blared, but not louder than the heart beating against his ribcage.
Akane asked him about his night shift. Akane cares for him.
“No, not usually. What are you doing out here?” Teru replied, still gazing at Akane. (Akane’s smile didn’t reach his eyes, and his eyes were a darkened, monotonous colour, Teru notes. He frowns a little more.)
“Hm, nothing!” Akane says as he leans forward, and presses his hand against Teru’s forehead. “Are you sick? You seem paler than usual, and you’re frowning.”
Teru could feel Akane’s ice cold hands against his skin, and he instinctively leans into his touch. (Teru has a closer look at Akane, and realises his glasses were slightly broken around the edges. Akane always took good care of it, this was strange.)
“No, I don’t think I’m sick.” Teru says and pulls back from Akane. Finally returning to his senses, he realises something is fundamentally wrong about this Akane. Akane would never offer his touch, nor would he worry about Teru.
This doesn’t stop Teru’s heart from pounding even faster, but it does give him enough common sense to back away from Akane and wield his sword.
“You should get more rest then.” Akane smiled brighter, though his eyes didn’t shimmer like it usually would. “Isn’t your house quite far from here? What if I walked you home, does that sound good?”
Teru nodded absentmindedly, it did sound good. He was so alone, and true company was something he always dreamt of. True company, instead of people who put him on a pedestal, like an object of desire.
Akane stepped closer towards him. So close, so unnecessarily close, that Teru could feel his cold breath. Everything about this Akane was so cold, and Teru doesn’t like it. (The one thing he likes about Akane was his unconditional warmth. His fingertips held magic, emanating warmth, and evidence of his selfless heart helping others manifests as callouses. His smile melted Teru’s once cold, unfeeling heart. His fiery glare was filled with scorching heat, passion, and other things Teru could never put into words. If there was only one thing Teru liked about Akane, it would be his unconditional warmth.)
In a blink of an eye, the Akane in front of him took advantage of his distraction and pulled out a knife from his pocket, attempting to slash Teru. Luckily, years of experience taught Teru to deflect this attack with his sword, and he managed to pin Akane down to the ground after some struggle.
He should’ve known, all the signs pointed to this fact. The overly strong supernatural scent and cold touch were all clues, and the gears in Teru’s mind clicked into place, because this Akane was just another supernatural being in disguise.
“Why? Why would you do this?” Teru asked ‘Akane’.
‘Akane’ slowly transformed underneath Teru, fingernails extending to claws, face deforming into a demon’s, smirking despite the circumstances.
“I know you want it. I can hear your thoughts, and I thought I was doing you a favour by helping you achieve your impossible dream, you know?” The monster replied.
They both knew what dream it was referring to. Teru refuses to acknowledge this, and channels his anger into his exorcism, as he uses the lightning on his sword to exorcise the supernatural.
All that was left afterwards was the sight of the monster evaporating, and the thoughts circling in Teru’s mind.
Harrowing silence suffocates Teru, and he blindly follows wherever his legs take him.
He didn’t want that at all, the monster was wrong.
But why did his palms sweat and his heart pound at its actions? What was wrong with him?
Maybe he did want it more than he thought. But he couldn’t, he shouldn’t, he wouldn’t give into this dream so easily. (His hands unconsciously wander to the maple leaf in his pocket, and his hands roam the rough edges of it, caressing it softly.)
The streets were scattered in black, and the wandering sword-wielder headed home, in the same path of light he came from.
The path of light was all he had ever known, and he couldn’t stray from it, no matter how tempting the beautiful maple leaves on its sidewalk were.
He couldn’t, he shouldn’t, he wouldn’t.