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Dazai Osamu is, objectively, both very good and 'really shit', to quote his undoubtedly, indelible partner for life in crime and all other things, at keeping promises.
Most of the time - these days, anyway - it's unintentional. He's a busy man, despite appearances and Kunikida's criticism. For a small promise to slip his mind is not unexpected when the fate of a densely populated city rests on his shoulders and his sharp mind. The really big ones, like letting Chuuya be the only one allowed to end his life, are engraved in his brain and shine into his mind's eye like a supernova, preventing him from ever forgetting. Birthdays, anniversaries and other such more or less trivial dates don't really take much time to memorize but he often doesn't commit to the celebrations of such, not wanting to end up being a liar just because the next lunatic after the Book, one of his friends or just anything and anyone else in Yokohama prevented him from attending Aya's birthday or something.
(He and Ango both have to constantly remind themselves that Oda's grave no longer needs visiting.)
(Dazai reminds himself each and every day that he did not promise Dostoevsky the mercy of his presence to alleviate his boredom just because he decided to spare him some.)
Still, there are promises that fall somewhere in the in-between area: he remembers them, but he can't fully or at the moment commit to them. Or he intends to but he's temporarily busy with something else so he puts them off until he feels like fulfilling them.
His promise to visit his grandmother more kind of falls into that category. It's not urgent; Tsushima Kiye is a woman of impeccable health and Sebastian is a force to reckon with, indeed. It's also not a promise he can brush off; she's done too much for him to ever be so rude and unkind to her, even if he doesn't count in the additional deals she made with Menu-san. She's also, as far as he's concerned, the only family he had left until the Armed Detective Agency's bunch of weirdos accepted him as one of them and until he got his partner and then, later, his best friend - and other really good friend he was doing his best to forgive because being a shithead is part of being a human - back.
He does have to admit, though, that it kind of ... slipped his mind, for an embarrassingly long while.
Until, of course, the various pastries and snacks started invading Yokohama. Or, well, at least the places Dazai more or less frequents. And they were mostly sweets, catering to various preferences, not just his own.
It first started when Kyouka and Ranpo received a literal ton of crepes.
Then the cafe downstairs had expertly made, fancy cakes for a whole week that were clearly too expensive for them to sell. It sure made them a popular spot, to the point that Yosano had to start chasing people out just so the Agency could chill in their favorite establishment for their breaks.
Then the office was flooded with all kinds of pastries and homemade sweets; Kunikida had been unlucky enough to be inside the Agency when the overflowing delivery had been made, early in the morning, burying him under all that sugar and making him so traumatized that even a single cube of sugar had him flinching, to Dazai's and Ranpo's amusement. Not that Ranpo had all that much time to be amused, so busy was he stuffing himself on all his favorite cupcakes, pancakes and other treats. The next time he jumped to tackle Poe, the poor American had to be brought to Yosano to heal his wrist from where it snapped when Ranpo knocked him over, something he hadn't been expecting since Ranpo's never managed it before. Mushitaro had been horrified, as a witness - and constant third wheel, poor man - and had hidden in the Sky Casino with Sigma, who was also thriving on the overflow of food he got to serve his customers. He also had to have a seemingly infinite cookie jar wrestled from him lest he start resembling some of his older, glutinous customers, which was how they all discovered Sigma was at his most vicious when: 1) you try to take his Casino 2) you try to take the vintage poker set Dazai bought him as a welcome to the Agency gift and 3) you try to take his cookies.
Mushitaro was promptly as traumatized as Kunikida, thus hating the mere mention of sugar or doe.
Dazai found it all hilarious, if he was honest. Though Odasaku did come to complain to him when the goodies started arriving at his house, too, and he had to deal with five kids on a sugar high from dusk til dawn and then having to wrestle the sugar crushed kids to school while also admitting to gaining a kilogram or two himself.
Atsushi and Kenji at some point got chazuke and beef katsudon respectively along with their sweets and Yosano started getting too many vine-based cakes in her office, so she's not the most sober these days.
In fact, even Fukuzawa got some specifically made for him, shaped like cats or cat paws and so cute to the point he felt bad about eating them.
It was all fun and games even when the goods started appearing in the apartment Dazai shares with Chuuya. Dazai's body burns through anything so quickly he can't really gain weight while Chuuya's a gym junkie so he burns through all the calories he consumes. Still, a lot of the food would go to waste if they kept it, so Chuuya started bringing it to the Mafia when he goes to work.
It took a couple of weeks before the ginger confronted him.
"You need to make this stop, Osamu. Elise got cavities. I don't want to tell you the state of everyone else besides Akutagawa, who hates them since none of the sweets have plums in them."
He also got a very serious call from Aya.
"One of Bura-chan's fangs fell out because of all the sweets he kept eating just because he wanted to try them all! Please do something, Dazai-san!"
And so, like always, it was Dazai who was out to save Yokohama from the latest attack.
Of pastries.
And there could only be one culprit.
So! Here he was, both fulfilling his promise and dealing with the problem! Two birds with one stone.
Efficiency, thy name is Dazai Osamu.
Well, when he feels like it.
Anyways!
Here he is, at his grandmother's mansion's door, just having rang the bell and waiting to be let in. He knows Sebastian, if no one else, will be there promptly. His grandmother only hires the best, after all. In the meantime, his brain whirs with thoughts and theories of what might have just sent Sebastian on such an insane baking and cooking spree. He actually has to jump back from the doors when they finally open with some difficulty and a bunch of wrapped or boxed up sweets nearly topple down on him as they spill to the outside world.
A sheepish yet pissed off Sebastian greets him, a neat white apron over his usual all black butler-like uniform. "My apologies for the mess, Dazai-dono. Please do come in. I've just been ... Very busy these last few hours, I suppose my confectioneries did not reach their intended destinations before piling up."
The brunet eyes the veritable mountain the avalanche of which had threatened to bury him had his reflexes been any slower. He could have ended up like Kunikida!
"I'm actually here to talk to you about that. I hear you've been sending all sorts of food all over the place," he says, carefully avoiding the boxes and bags as he enters his grandmother's home. Kiye prefers a traditional Japanese mansion compared to the manor he personally grew up in, which was a western style house half the size of Kiye's. His parents preferred sturdy walls while they had a little genius running around, after all, and their previous lifestyle ensured they had plenty of enemies to be wary of. So, reinforced concrete walls and bulletproof windows instead of paper sliding doors and tatami mats. Still, both homes were beautiful and Dazai greatly preferred the Yokohama estate compared to the Tokyo one, where most of his other relatives lived. Kiye preferred Yokohama, too, as it was more like a relaxation home rather than a work environment.
It's probably why she never opened up a big branch in Yokohama for Tsushima Corp, so the hyenas they called family wouldn't come to disturb what little peace they could get in a place like Yokohama.
"Too much?" The assistant asked, probably only just now realizing he could have been inconveniencing people with his excessive but still superb baking. "I must apologize, but it was the safest and most profitable, beneficial way I could manage my anger."
That had Dazai pausing as he toed off his shoes. "Anger?" That ... was not what he was expecting.
Sure, he's heard of stress baking, but never angry baking. Then again, he personally doesn't bake much. That was truly Verlaine's thing. Even Rimbaud or Chuuya didn't bake as much as Verlaine did and even Verlaine's stress baking back when Dazai had to find a way for the Assassin King to actually converse civilly with the former King of the Sheep or following Randou's revival - which was more relief baking, now that he thinks about it - couldn't possibly match up to just one batch of Sebastian's anger baking, apparently.
Then again, perhaps Verlaine's early ventures into baling after he joined the Mafia was actually angry baking, but still, it was absolutely no match for the hurricane of goodies that was Sebastian's angry baking.
Now, the question of why is the real problem.
"Yes, you could say I've been rather ... ticked off, these past few weeks, Dazai-dono. And, as I said, I had to work through that negative energy somehow."
"And you ... chose to feed Yokohama?" He arched an eyebrow at the black haired man. "What could possibly anger you this much, anyway?"
"Well, I figured something positive was better than going off on some rampage and more or less accidentally committing murder and I'l already made the mansion spotless. So ... baking and cooking it is," Sebastian replied in a tone that suggested he would shrug if he were any less of a proper gentleman and perfect butler.
"And while that is highly commendable, I'm afraid I have to ask you to stop. Even Elise-chan got cavities from all the sweets you've been sending out. And she's an Ability!" Sebastian even looked extremely sheepish at that and Dazai was really confused now, because he'd really absolutely never seen him act like this in the year or so since he met his grandmother's assistant/butler. Now that he looks at him more closely, he seemed ... tired. Which makes sense, since not even Sebastian could bake faster than an oven can cook, or however that actually goes. Dazai's not really allowed in the kitchen, after all. You experiment just once and suddenly you're banned for life. But that's not the point here. "Seriously, though. What's got your knickers in a twist so bad?"
"Perhaps it would be best if you see for yourself." With that, Sebastian bowed slightly at the waist and gestured for Dazai to follow him. The brunet let him take the lead, slightly apprehensive as to what might await him if it had Sebastian this rattled. He also did not like that he could tell Sebastian was leading him towards his grandmother, further inside the mansion.
They passed Menu-san - a short, stout lady in her early thirties who is as kind as she is devious, with short, extremely curly strawberry blond hair, pretty gray eyes and lots of freckles over her nose - who paused in waving at Dazai in greeting when she caught sight of his wariness combined with the polite smile on Sebastian's face that did nothing to hide his irritation and barely suppressed aggression towards whatever had him anger baking. Or would the better term be rage baking? Either way, Menu-san showed just how brilliant she was by nope-ing the fuck out of there, off to whatever room she was gifted in the mansion.
(Menu and Kiye have really become such good friends and Menu was a good asset for Tsushima Corp, the incredible power of her Ability notwithstanding her value as an ally and employee. Dazai's been contemplating it over the past year to just tell his grandmother to start training the woman as her successor because, no matter where or how, Dazai will remain entangled in the Tripartite system, so it would be best to have a proper successor. And Menu was trustworthy. Her months with them have proven as much. Dazai will still remain as the owner of the company and a major shareholder, but he doesn't have the time for a busy job like being a CEO. Menu ought to be better for it, in the long run.)
Dazai now knew he really wasn't going to like whatever he's about to see.
He also knew Menu was involved, with how Sebastian showed that aggressively polite smile to her and how she outright fled.
He already figured it out by the time Sebastian opened the doors for him to the biggest living room in the house, but by then it was too late to turn around and leave, making everyone else deal with the confections Sebastian swarms them in.
Instead, he had to face the consequences of introducing Bernadette Menu into their lives.
The consequence being one Tsushima Shinji, father of Tsushima Tane, husband of Tsushima Kiye.
Dazai's grandfather and the previous Port Mafia Boss.
The man he'd helped Mori kill.
He already had a hand on the gun rare few knows he always has on him when his grandparents looked up at him and they both beamed.
Dazai's not sure he has a conscious memory of his Ojii-san ever looking at him like that but he's not blind to the happiness radiating from his Oba-san. He's also sure he doesn't quite remember a time the old man didn't have an insane glint in his eyes. He was already pretty far gone by the time little Shuuji's parents died and the loss of his favorite daughter and favorite in-law tipped him over the edge into the madness that had Yokohama's streets flowing with a sea of blood. He also looked a bit younger and quite a bit healthier compared to the last time Dazai had seen him alive.
And he was alive now, too, which explained why Menu had fled the second she'd seen Sebastian leading Dazai this way.
It also explained why Sebastian was so pissed. His primary job was to take care of and protect Tsushima Kiye in every way imaginable and her former Port Mafia Boss, back from the dead husband was most certainly a danger. And he's been here for about a month, if Sebastian's rage baking was anything to go by.
Dazai really should pull the trigger right now and end this miserable situation.
He doesn't. Not yet.
"Shuuji-chan!" The old Boss exclaims happily, springing to his feet as quickly as his old bones allowed, with Kiye also already scurrying over to their grandson, both acting like they didn't notice that specific glint in Dazai's eyes that belied his bloodlust. "Look at you, all grown up now! Such a handsome lad, you look just like your parents! My, I can't even pinpoint which one you resemble more! Though it's certain you have your father's eyes. It's so good to see you!"
"I wish I could say the same," he deadpanned before turning his attention to Kiye. "Obaa-san, what's the meaning of this?"
Kiye frowned, as though only now noticing how tense her grandson was. "Is something wrong, Osamu-chan?"
"Right, you go by Osamu now. I apologize."
Dazai stared at the old man incredulously before turning back to his preferred grandparent. "What is he doing here?"
"Surely you know about Menu-kun's Ability by now," huffed the lady of the house.
"Yes, considering I'm the one who had you find her, I do. What I meant was why is he here?" Dazai growled out. "Why was he revived? I thought even you agreed he was a bastard. Why waste Menu-san's power on him?"
Sebastian, to the side of them, growled in his own agreement.
(What Dazai didn't say, though, was why haven't his parents been resurrected. They were far more likable people than Tsushima Shinji. They deserved a second chance far more than the former Port Mafia Boss.)
Kiye seemed to understand her grandson's unsaid question and frowned mournfully. "Menu-san's powers have their limits, too, Osamu-chan, as you know. Maat only works on those who not only pass the test but want to take it. It's a chance for those with regrets to right their wrongs. And your parents were invited to take the test, but they rejected Menu-kun's offer as soon as they learned that you are happy now. They had no regrets; they've worked those out while they were alive. They just wanted to know that you were safe and happy. That was all they needed."
"I, on the other hand," his grandfather began cautiously as he approached them, eyeing Sebastian warily who was basically glowering at him like a guard dog. He's lucky Chuuya isn't here; he would be throwing punches by now. "Have many, many regrets, but the ones I care about the most are the ones regarding my family. I won't be staying forever. In fact, I was going to leave by the end of the week if you didn't come here today. I have many things to apologize for; I have done you many wrongs Shu- No, Osamu-chan, after I descended into madness, but that is no excuse."
"You're right, it's not," Dazai said with the same decisiveness he'd told Akutagawa that his actions towards him when they were teenagers were inexcusable. But he supposed that, like himself, his old man deserved a chance to make amends, too. It doesn't mean that Dazai will forgive him. He wasn't as kind as Akutagawa-kun in that regard and he hadn't adored his grandfather nearly as dearly as his apprentice did him. "But since you're only here for a short while, I'll allow you to try and make amends. I warn you in advance: you can't do anything to earn my forgiveness. But I suppose I owe you an apology, too, for plotting against you with Mori-san. Though, just to clear that up, that was kind of an accident. I'm not saying sorry for punching you in the throat from the inside with a Tsushima reinforced steel makeshift cast, though."
" ... Huh?" Both of his grandparents intoned and Dazai groaned.
It was going to be one hell of a long explanation.
Still, he sat down with his grandparents and watched them interact, for the most part. As stated earlier, Dazai did not have a single concise good memory with his grandfather, but that didn't change the fact Kiye had loved him and no doubt missed him, for all that she called him a dumbass in any and every way she could manage. They had still spent so many years together. They grew old together. And now that madness was not clouding the old man, Dazai could tell they still loved each other.
He couldn't help but wonder if he and Chuuya will be able to achieve something like that. Not for a lack of devotion or want, but because of their lives. After all, being Soukoku was infinitely more dangerous than even being the Boss of the Port Mafia. Even if they are the unstoppable duo, neither of them is actually immortal. But for once, despite how tired of life he is even with all the miraculous returns and amazing victories they've managed over the past year or so, Dazai wants to be blessed with a long life by Chuuya's side.
'Huh. Who would have thought?'
Then again, the first time Dazai wanted to stay around a little bit longer in this world was after meeting Chuuya. He guessed it made sense.
You can't get a dog for life and not, you know, spend your life taking care of him.
You can't be a life partner without being alive, either.
"You've really grown up," his grandfather suddenly said, snapping Dazai out of his thoughts. He hadn't realized he'd zoned out. Kiye was nowhere to be seen, so it was only Shinji and Dazai left in the living room. A new serving of tea and finger sandwiches indicated that Sebastian had dropped by and Dazai had been completely unaware of it. It was unsettling, especially in the presence of the man who'd almost burned Yokohama to the ground in his madness, but Shinji really didn't look anything like that man at the moment. He hasn't since Dazai had laid eyes on him. Death really changes people, huh ... "I'm glad."
Dazai shrugged. "I've lived this long because other people made me. Now I'm trying to make myself. I'm still needed ... Plus, with each day, it's like people are piling up reasons for me to stay alive. I think they are, between Odasaku's and chibi's blabbering mouths and motherhen tendencies. But alas, as much as I want to rest, I guess I'm not quite ready yet."
And when he is, a little overly so, he has people to make sure he doesn't follow through with it. Mainly Chuuya, who is the first to see him at his worst and mostly the last, but the others help, too.
"There's plenty of time to rest, but not nearly as much time to live. I know it's probably asking too much, especially if it's coming from me, but try a little bit longer, okay? Your parents might love to see you, but I don't think they'll be over the moon if it happens so fast."
"Don't try to manipulate me. Mori-san can't do it and he's much better at it than you."
The old man perked up at the mention of his traitorous doctor. "How is ol' Mori-sensei, now that you mention him?"
"Getting old," was Dazai's first response, with a snort. "Not fast enough, though. He's still kicking. He's good for the Port Mafia, though. He changed it from what you made it, even before you went bonkers. The organization is practically government-sanctioned at this point. Deserved, considering the sacrifices made over the years." He paused. "I hated him, you know? For four years, I was one bad mood away from killing him. It has nothing to do with you, of course; you don't even cross my mind these days." Shinji nodded along, not offended, considering it was well deserved. "Now, I can't be as mad as I used to be. The lady who brought you back, Menu-san? She brought a dear friend of mine back, too, one whom Mori had killed. Or, well, arranged the circumstances for it, just to test me as his heir."
Shinji's eyebrows nearly disappeared into his hairline. "Does he know ... ?"
"Nope~! No one did, until about half a year ago and I doubt the news reached Mori-san. Otherwise, he might have scrapped all his plans for me and killed me already, despite his plans for me to take over Yokohama's underworld after him. After all, a legitimate blood heir to the Mafia could cause quite a bit of trouble. Especially considering who my parents were."
"Yes, I don't doubt that crafty, shady doctor would have done something like that. However, I heard that you're working at a detective agency; will you still return as the heir when Mori-sensei kicks the bucket or just decides to retire?"
Dazai had no answer to that, because it was a complicated question. It depends on too many factors and weighing the pros and cons. So he just shrugs.
His grandfather accepts it and that's when Kiye comes back.
With a very grumpy Sebastian holding a camera and an amused but a bit squirmy Menu in tow.
They end up taking a few pictures, at the old woman's insistence, before Dazai announces he has to leave. Chuuya will get stupid ideas if Dazai doesn't get home in time for dinner without having announced it beforehand and no one else knowing where he is.
His grandfather apologizes once more before the brunet leaves the old couple to their business. They only have a few days left, after all. He hopes Kiye doesn't buckle under the repeat of her grief. He'll have to visit with Chuuya a couple of days after Shinji leaves.
"I'll watch over her, in the meantime," Sebastian promises, much calmer than before, but still giving Dazai boxes of food to take with him. Not just sweets, though. There were at least five crab dishes in there. "I apologize for whatever inconvenience I might have caused, Dazai-dono."
"It's alright. It was funny at first, but it got concerning when even Ability manifestations started getting cavities." Sebastian definitely seemed sheepish at that and Dazai chuckled. "Take care of her, Sebastian. And yourself."
"Likewise, Dazai-dono."
Dazai and Chuuya did visit Kiye by the end of the week. They let her deal with the 'death' of her husband again for two whole days by herself before Soukoku dragged each other to her mansion and then spent the night there, calling in that they won't be coming to work the next day. Kiye took it all in stride, though she was considerably sadder than she used to be, which was expected. Grief does that to people.
"I've gotten over it the first time," she brushed their concerns off. "I'll do it much easier the second time around. After all, I have my Osamu-chan and grandson-in-law, Sebastian and Menu-kun. I'll be just fine."
And, basically, that's the story of Sebastian's baking spree and Dazai's very important realization. He doesn't tell it to anyone, not quite yet.
But he will, soon enough.
Chuuya deserves to know, after all.
For now, it's a secret between him and the dead.
For now, though, the whole of the Tripartite system just hopes Sebastian never rage bakes ever again.
After all, they need to be fighting fit.
OWARI