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Something's wrong with Nami. Something's been wrong with Nami, maybe, since… Zoro isn't sure when it started, actually, and that bothers him more than he expected. Was she like this when they got to Skypiea? He doesn't think so, but then again, Nami is a con woman, an actress. She can hide something for a long time before she breaks.
She hasn't broken yet, but something's still wrong. It's there in the bags under her eyes, in the way she oscillates between intense focus and complete dissociation. It's there, too, in the way she tolerates Luffy's more tactile brand of company, leaning into him instead of shoving him away.
Zoro isn't quite sure what to make of it.
He should talk to her, probably, since no one else seems to be doing anything, and he’s not sure if they even notice. Then again… they’re friends, he’s pretty sure they’re friends, but they’re not talk about your feelings friends. They’re laugh at Luffy’s appetite friends, roll their eyes at Sanji friends, drink a little too much on every island friends. So before Zoro decides if it’s time to make that jump, he needs to be sure that he’s right.
So he braces himself, and he goes to find Robin.
She’s sitting on the deck, reading a book Zoro’s never seen before, a colorful drink at her side that Sanji surely made for her. And, as usual, she doesn’t even look up when he approaches.
Zoro doesn’t mistrust her, anymore, but he certainly still doesn’t understand her, and he’s not sure he’ll ever be as comfortable with her as with the rest of the crew. But she’s maybe the only one who can help him right now, so he sighs, and says, “Robin.”
She looks up, calm as anything, and smiles at him. “Is something wrong, swordsman?”
“Maybe,” he says, and then he hesitates. What if he’s wrong? What if he’s unknowingly betraying Nami by revealing something she’s trying to keep secret? Well, he decides, he’ll never know for sure if he doesn’t do something about it first. “Have you noticed… I mean, does Nami seem okay to you?”
“Nami?” Robin repeats, and tilts her head. “Why do you ask?”
There’s something in her eyes, and Zoro has the distinct impression that he’s being evaluated, and he doesn’t like it. This was a mistake, he thinks. “I’m just,” he starts, and then he shakes his head. “Never mind,” he mutters, turning to go. He’ll figure this out on his own.
But then Robin speaks again, and it stops him in his tracks. “Zoro.”
She doesn’t do that- doesn’t call them by name, except for Luffy and, sometimes, Chopper. Another quirk that he doesn’t understand. But the use of his name now is enough to make Zoro turn around, shut up, and listen to what she has to say.
“Our navigator hasn’t been sleeping through the night since we got back from Skypiea,” Robin starts, and this, at least, is what Zoro expected. “I’m a light sleeper, and usually, she sleeps like the dead. I asked her if she was alright, the first time, and she told me she just needed some air, that she would be back soon.”
“She didn’t come back,” Zoro guesses, and Robin nods.
“I didn’t hear her again, and when I woke up later, her cot was still empty, and she was on the deck, working on her maps. Every night since then has been the same,” she finishes, still looking closely at Zoro.
“I think something happened in Skypiea,” Zoro says, mostly to himself, and he hates that he doesn’t know for sure. “And, ah, thanks. Now I know how to find her so we can talk.”
Robin nods, and Zoro thinks that’s the end of it, but then she speaks again, her voice softer. “Remind her that she’s safe here. That all of us will make sure she is.”
There’s that feeling again, the one that’s become more and more common since the day he decided to start sailing with Luffy. That sharpness in his chest, that warms him from the inside even while it aches. “Yeah,” he manages, “I’ll tell her.”
She can smell the ozone in the air, can feel the electricity dancing on her skin. Eneru is talking, but Nami can’t hear the words anymore. The ship keeps getting higher, and her friends keep getting farther away, and there’s nothing she can do. She saw the way that Zoro collapsed, and she… she doesn’t think he’ll be getting up again,
The voice gets louder, and since when was Eneru that close?
“We’re going to build a new world,” he says, and his smile is sharp. “And you’ll build it with me, little girl.”
“No,” Nami says, or she thinks she does, but Eneru doesn’t stop, so maybe her voice doesn’t work at all anymore.
She feels it, then, a tight grip on her wrist, nearly hard enough to crush, and she tries to pull away, but she’s suddenly so much weaker. So much smaller.
She’s nine.
The grip tightens again, and the voice says again, “We’re going to build a new world,” and she looks up, and it’s not Eneru anymore. It’s Arlong. He bares his teeth at her, and laughs when she flinches. “Silly little girl,” he says, and the lightning flashes above him. “Did you really think you were free?”
Nami wakes with a gasp, her heart racing in her chest. The fear lingers, burning like acid in the back of her throat, even while she registers her room on the Merry, Robin asleep on the couch next to her. She’s fine, she’s safe, Eneru is gone, Arlong is gone, she knows this, but she still feels trapped and small and afraid.
She loves this room, with her desk, her maps, her surveying tools, her work, but looking at them right now just brings back thoughts of a different desk, different maps, and she can’t stay.
Robin doesn’t seem to have woken up this time, so Nami quietly pulls on a robe and slips out of the room, padding on careful feet up to the deck of the ship.
It’s a quiet night, stars glinting in the sky above, and Nami feels the peace of it settle into her bones almost immediately. Just as quickly, though, she realizes that she’s not alone.
Because there’s Zoro, moving fluidly through forms with two of his swords, illuminated only by the light of the moon.
There’s Zoro, collapsed in a heap of charred limbs, swords tumbling from suddenly nerveless fingers.
Shoving that image away, pushing it back and down until she can almost pretend it doesn’t hurt, Nami takes a cautious step forward. “Zoro?” she calls out, and this feels like a fragile moment, so she keeps her voice soft.
Zoro lowers the swords, turning to look at her. “Nami,” he says, “it’s late, isn’t it?”
“I don’t know, you tell me,” she shoots back, and Zoro rolls his eyes.
“I napped most of the day,” he says, sheathing his swords and hanging them by his side. “Besides, we’ll be making land soon. Makes sense for someone to be awake. What’s your excuse?”
Nami opens her mouth, and then shuts it and shrugs. “Don’t have one.” Eneru, Arlong. Luffy falling from a ship, Luffy buried in rubble. A straw hat hanging from her belt loop, or pressed onto her head. “Just couldn’t sleep.”
She almost expects him to argue, to call her out, but instead he just shrugs back at her. “Well, if you want to grab your staff, or your maps, or whatever, I don’t mind the company.”
“Think I’ll just sit for a bit,” Nami answers, and she’s still hesitant, feeling a little wrong-footed. This isn’t how her conversations with Zoro usually go. Sure, she knows that he cares- they’re crew, and that means something. He’s saved her ass more times than she usually likes to admit, and before Robin joined the crew, he was usually the only other voice of reason she could find. But they trade insults more often than compliments, and she doesn’t think they’ve ever had a real genuine conversation, just the two of them.
As she settles onto the deck, soft breeze in her hair, and watches as Zoro starts again on his forms, Nami starts to think that maybe she should change that.
“I stopped dreaming about Arlong when we got to the Grand Line,” she says, the words slipping out of her mouth, and Zoro freezes. She keeps going. “Used to dream about him all the time, growing up. And even after we… after Luffy beat him, part of me still thought maybe he’d come after me again. But then we left East Blue, and for the first time, I was finally far enough away.”
Zoro starts moving again, slow and steady, his swords slicing through the air with their usual grace, and there’s something calming about it. “Something changed,” he guesses.
Nami nods, even though he’s not really looking at her. “Eneru. After he beat you, I went with him. I thought I could… find a way to trick him, or use him. And I thought that getting him away might give you and Robin and Chopper a chance. But I just got stuck, again, and it was… it felt the same.”
“I’m sorry,” Zoro says, and it’s so unexpected that all Nami can do is stare at him and hope he explains. He looks back, and must see her expression, because he sighs before starting the next movement. “I should have stopped him. If I was stronger, I could have stopped him before you had to do that. So I’m sorry.”
“Dumbass,” Nami snaps, pushing to her feet. “None of that was your fault. That guy was way too strong for either of us.”
Zoro’s arms drop, and he turns back to her. “Yeah, that’s what I’m saying,” he presses. “I shouldn’t have let him be stronger than me.”
Nami tugs at her hair, frustrated. “Sometimes we’re gonna find people who are too strong, Zoro! Sometimes there’s nothing we can do! That’s the way the world works!”
“It shouldn’t be!” Zoro exclaims, stepping forward, and he’s almost shouting now. “Dammit, Nami, don’t you get it? You were scared, and you’re still scared, and that’s…” He stops, then, and exhales, and when his voice comes again, it’s so much softer. “I don’t want you to be scared anymore.”
As quickly as it came, Nami feels the fight drain out of her, leaving her shoulder slumped. “Oh,” she breathes, because… because yeah, she is scared, isn’t she? Even when she wakes from her dreams and remembers that Eneru and Arlong aren’t coming back, she still knows that there are other men like them, just waiting on the seas. And maybe Luffy has been able to win so far, but she knows there will come a day when even he can’t, and then what will happen to them? What will happen to her?
“You should be safe here, with us,” Zoro says, and it sounds like he’s quoting someone else. “You are safe here. You know that, don’t you? That all of us will do whatever we can to keep each other safe?”
“That scares me, too,” Nami admits, and again she sees Zoro crumpling on the ground, Sanji shoving Usopp out of the way, Luffy falling from the ship. “We’ve all got a bad habit of putting ourselves in danger.”
Zoro shrugs, a little, like he knows he can’t argue with that. “Yeah,” he says, “but that’s why we’re crew. You buy time, so that Robin can get us to safety. I pull Chopper away from danger, so that he can treat me later. You drive the waver, so that Luffy can reach Eneru. Crew.”
“Crew,” Nami repeats, and then she grins. “Always knew you were a softie under all that.”
Snorting, Zoro rolls his eyes. “Yeah, well. Don’t tell Sanji. Dumbass would never let me hear the end of it.”
“Cross my heart,” Nami swears, still smiling.
Quiet falls on the deck, and slowly, Zoro starts to move again, his swords cutting through the air with silent precision. Nami watches, and that warmth, that calm, starts to bloom in her chest, spreading through her limbs. You’re strong enough already, she thinks, and then she speaks, “I think I’ll get a little more sleep tonight. Wake me if anything happens, alright?”
“Alright,” Zoro agrees, turning his head just enough to nod at her.
Nami nods back, just once, and then she turns and heads back to her room, back to her cot, back to sleep.
And when she dreams, there are no hands grabbing her wrist, no grating laughter, no lightning. There is only her crew.