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"Do you want to talk about it?"
Ricky had seen it coming, yet he still startles the slightest at his voice.
"I don't know what you're talking about." He quips.
There's a sigh from behind him, footsteps drawing closer to his spot on the balcony then a shift in the air beside him. "Ricky…"
The blonde feels his left eyebrow twitch slightly, the first telltale sign of his resolve cracking under pressure. "Fine Gyuvin, no, I don't want to talk about it. Now can we just forget it ever happened?"
"Ricky," he repeats once more, tone firmer this time. "I want to, trust me, I really do. But your…" Gyuvin trails off after the glare receives. "It's messing with the whole dynamic. Did you not see how spooked everyone was after your outburst?"
Ricky thinks back on the events that occurred just a few moments ago. "You're overreacting."
Wrong move.
"I'm overreacting?" Gyuvin looks at him like he's grown three heads. "You damn near got into a fight with Taerae!"
Ricky can't honestly say he doesn't feel guilty for suddenly grabbing the poor guy by his collar, pulling him to a stand and threatening to pummel him to a pulp in front of their members.
Seeing the scared look on Gunwook and Yujin's faces had left a bad taste in his mouth, one that refuses to go away even when he takes another swig of the fruity alcohol in his hands.
But he also can't say he didn't feel sick satisfaction from how Taerae had looked at him with confusion and genuine fear in his eyes, a complete 180 from when he was draping himself all over Gyuvin, calling sweet nicknames, calling him honey as if it wasn't that big of a deal. As if it wasn't burning Ricky from the inside out, bile rising in his throat at every syllable of the word.
Ricky chooses not to say anything, instead he gazes out into the darkness, down at the bustling city below, teeming with life and vibrancy. He feels like throwing himself off.
"You're unbelievable." The other mumbles.
Ricky finally looks back up at him, regretting it almost instantaneously.
The way Gyuvin stares at him, it's like he doesn't recognise the person in front of him anymore.
Like this isn't the Ricky he knows.
The Ricky he knows is soft spoken, the Ricky he knows is secretly goofy and silly, the Ricky he knows loves and cares for his members, is someone who would never want to actually harm them in any way.
At that, it doesn't take long for Ricky's self hatred to set right in.
A few moments of dead silence pass, his resolve finally shattering to the floor under Gyuvin's scrutinizing gaze.
"I'm sorry."
Gyuvin shakes his head, eyes staring right into the depths of Ricky's soul. "You don't mean that."
"I do, I swear I do." He tries to reach out but Gyuvin flinches away, almost instinctively.
Oh…
"No," Gyuvin says when he sees Ricky's hurt expression. "You don't get to do that. You don't get to paint me out to be the bad guy because I'm not Ricky. I'm not."
A silent tear rolls down the blonde's face.
Gyuvin sighs again, like he can't stand being in Ricky's presence any longer.
"You said you'd figure it out." He begins. "You said you'd fix it-"
"Well I can't!" Ricky finally snaps, not even bothering to wipe his tears away when more take their place. "I tried Gyuvin. I promise you, I did." He sobs. "But I can't change the way I feel. I can't change the way I love y-"
"Don't." Gyuvin shuts him down and turns away from him. "Don't say that."
Ricky sniffles, head starting to pound from an impending headache and the heaviness in his heart spreads throughout his chest. "I love you Gyuvin. I love you I love you I love you, I'll say it as many times as needed for you to believe me."
Gyuvin scoffs out into the darkness. "It's not that I don't believe you Ricky. I just…"
"You don't feel the same." Ricky finishes off for him.
A simple shrug, the pity in his eyes nauseating. "I don't."
Ricky nods to himself and turns away, like he isn't affected in the slightest. "Okay. I'll respect that."
"But you don't respect it, do you? If you did, what happened three minutes ago wouldn't have happened at all if you really did respect that, respect me, if you actually loved me…" Gyuvin mutters.
Another tear. "I'm sorry."
"Keep your sorrys to yourself Ricky," The Chinese boy watches his lips tug into a mildly disgusted scowl. "And get your shit together for fucks sake."
Just like that, Gyuvin storms out and bangs the door behind him.
And Ricky's legs finally give out beneath him.