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Third year is known to be difficult, but Izuku recognised the warning signs. He felt himself drawing away from the things he once loved doing, from the people he once loved spending time with. He knows he started spending way too much time training and putting way too little food on his plate. He's aware that the dark thoughts that he has to physically shake his head to dispel are appearing a little too frequently.
He knows that he's going into a bad place. He noticed it ages ago.
He just doesn't have the energy to do anything about it.
The worst part is that Izuku knows he has people he could go to- Aizawa-sensei, his friends, anyone in the class really. Not to mention Katsuki.
He's desperately trying to avoid thinking about the fact that he knows how much Katsuki would beat himself up if he knew how his boyfriend was feeling. He doesn't want to burden anyone with his issues. It's fine, he's fine.
Except he's not, because he's currently stood under a scalding stream of water in the dorm's communal showers with a shiny new blade in his grasp. The water's hot enough that his skin is prickling as it turns red, but the pain isn't enough to distract Izuku, not in the way he wants.
Its nearing midnight so it's unlikely that anyone will walk in, and by doing this in the shower he's saving himself an awkward trip to the laundry room to get blood out of his clothes.
Steadying the shaking of his hands, Izuku brings the blade to his forearm. The way that the first incision breaks through some of the numbness enshrouding him washes away the few lingering reservations he'd held about relapsing.
The stinging of his forearms falls the wayside as he continues to slash at them, random in a way that will allow them to blend in with his other scars somewhat once they've healed. The blood-tinged water swirling down the drain is mesmerising until rapid knocking on the door of his stall breaks him out of his reverie.
"Um... someone's in here?", he curses the way that his voice shakes and his head swims as he turns to face the door, he must've lost more blood than he thought. The water's cooling down too- how long has he been doing this?
When it's Katsuki's voice that replies, Izuku doesn't know what to do.
"No shit dumbass. Let me in.".
It's not uncommon for Izuku and Katsuki to shower together, and it's generally not even sexual, the intimacy of washing each others hair just being a good way to unwind from the stress of school and training. Which is why Izuku knows that his boyfriend will find it strange if he doesn't let him in. He can't do it though, not when both of his arms are completely covered in fresh gashes and he knows there's no way he could reasonably explain them away.
When Izuku doesn't answer, Katsuki speaks again, and the undercurrent of panic in his voice has Izuku regretting his actions even if he did manage to temporarily stave away his dark thoughts.
"Come on baby, please, open the door or I'm going to have to break it open.".
Izuku still can't get himself to move, frozen in place as blood continues to drip onto the tiles below him. The blonde waits another 30 seconds before he makes true on his word, practically ripping the door from it's hinges as he forces it open. He's still fully clothed but he doesn't hesitate to enter the stall, turning off the water before pulling the shorter boy into his arms.
Something cracks in Izuku's chest as Katsuki gently wraps a towel around him and leads him over to a bench, all the emotions he'd been unable to feel for weeks suddenly rushing back and overwhelming him. A sob breaks free from his chest and suddenly he can't keep his tears at bay. He fists his hands in his boyfriends soaked tank top as he breaks down against his chest.
"Shh, shh, it's okay 'Zuku, let it all out. I'm right here, I've got you.", Katsuki's whispered reassurances only lead to him crying harder, but eventually his bawling simmers down into dispersed sniffs and quiet whimpers.
Carefully, Katsuki takes Izuku's arms, examining the damage done. He doesn't speak until he's finished cleaning and wrapping the cuts, lightly trailing his fingers over the bandages before pulling Izuku sideways into his lap, "Why didn't you come to me Zu? You know I'd do anything for you.".
The worst part is that Izuku knows it's true. Two years might have passed since the war but Izuku could never forget the fact that Katsuki literally died for him.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I just- I just didn't want to bother anyone. Didn't want you to worry, 'm not worth it.".
Izuku speaks quietly but Katsuki doesn't miss his words. A calloused hand finds its way to green hair, gently scratching at Izuku's scalp as the taller boy tries to calm himself down.
He'd woken up from a nightmare and gone to Izuku's room seeking comfort only for him not to answer the door. His first instinct had been to panic, but Katsuki had pushed it down, knowing that logically Izuku had to be somewhere in the dorms. After not finding him in the kitchen or common room his stomach was twisting with nerves, but sometimes Izuku would shower after a particularly bad nightmare, and when he'd walked into the changing rooms to the sound of running water he'd assumed that that had been what happened. He'd just started to relax when he spotted the pink-tinged water disappearing down the drain.
Forcing himself to focus on the fact that Izuku is alive and breathing in his arms, Katsuki finally manages to find his voice, "Izuku. You're never a bother. I would rather you wake me up at 3 am every day for years than have to walk in on you like this ever again. I worry about you either way, but I'd rather know what you're going through than be oblivious to it, get that?".
Izuku simply nods, burying his face in the junction between his boyfriends neck and shoulder. The hand previously in his hair moves to run soothingly up and down his spine, but he senses the exact moment Katsuki truly takes stock of just how much his bones are protruding from his skin.
"There is no way for me to explain just how fucking sorry I am for not noticing sooner, but how long has this been going on Izuku?".
Izuku sniffles before answering, "...A while. There's nothing you could do though Kacchan, I chose to hide how bad I was getting, sorry you had to find me like this, you deserve better.".
At that Katsuki pushes Izuku away by the shoulders, ensuring that he's making eye contact in order to get his point across, "Baby, as much as I wish that you had told me, I get why you didn't- I just don't want it to happen again, okay? Now don't you dare say I deserve better than you when you're literally the best of the best. If anything I don't deserve you, because you deserve the world and more.".
He punctuates his point by pressing a soft, chaste kiss against Izuku's lips. When he pulls away Izuku has the smallest of smiles on his face, and even though it's nothing compared to the blinding grin that usually lights up any room, Katsuki knows that it's the best he can expect for now. That's fine though, he has all the time in the world to help Izuku out of his slump, and anyone who thinks he won't be dedicating the rest of his life to ensuring that Izuku never gets this bad again- at least not without support- is insane.
"Come on 'Zuku, lets go to bed, we can talk properly in the morning and figure out how I can support you better.".
"Okay Kacchan, I love you so much, 'n I'm sorry.".
Katsuki lets one of those soft smiles that only Izuku is ever privy to slip onto his face as he hands him a pair of sweatpants, "I love you more than you'll ever understand, now stop apologising and lets go, I want cuddles.".
As they head upstairs, hands intertwined, Izuku tries to remember why he hadn't spoken to Katsuki before resorting to unhealthy coping mechanisms, and honestly, he can't think of a single rational reason now that he's reasonably calm.
He's not better by any means, he still can't fathom the idea of having to talk to his classmates or eat a full meal, but Katsuki's grip on his hand is firm and reassuring. He knows the blonde will be there for him, just as he would be if the roles were reversed.