Chapter Text
It felt like someone had reached into Erik’s chest and ripped his heart out. All along, he knew this wasn’t going to be easy but, for some reason, it never entered his mind that it would be like things and everything could hurt so much.
He and Charles had met eight years previously, both struggling actors searching for their big break. Both had stumbled into auditions and, at the time, presumed they were going to be arch nemesis, competing for the same role but, a couple of weeks later, they were reunited again. They had been cast for different roles and were nemesis for a whole new reason. Their characters supposedly hated each other, one the hero, one the villain—though Erik still insisted his character was the hero while everyone knew Charles’s character was supposed to be.
The show had turned out to be both of their big break and, for five years, they kept up the show. Many insisted it was just on the back of the two of them it managed to last so long, but Erik wasn’t so quick to sell their co-stars short, and neither was Charles. But the chemistry between the two of them was impossible to deny.
Rumors had started flying after the first episode aired. Magneto and the Professor, everyone was quick to ship the two of them and, if Charles and Erik were honest, they were right there with the fans, egging it on. Of course, that ship quickly spread to their personal life, helped by the fact that the two of them were growing closer and closer.
It wasn’t planned, really, but there was a lot of press touring and time spent together filming. They couldn’t help it, practically living in each other’s pockets 24/7, shared hotel rooms, sometimes with only one bed. It was clear to everyone how close the two men were.
Erik had never been one to enjoy his personal life being on blast, projected for the world. While he would promote the ship of his and Charles’s characters, he wouldn’t stand for people to confuse the two of them with the fictional beings they were playing. Nor would he stand by and let people guess what he and Charles were to each other. They were dating and happily in love, but that was for the two of them and their close friends and family.
Of course, like with most things, their relationship only stayed private for so long. Three years into the show, there had been an accident, a crash where Charles had been returning from some party he had gone to. When news got back to Erik he—rather publicly—broke down. The news got out from the hospital that he was Charles’s emergency contact, and people from the party were posting everything about him panicking. It wasn’t pretty but was something they had to deal with. Not that it was on the top of the list of things, but they were too busy coming to terms with the extent of Charles’s injury and discussing moving, an accessible house, and what their future looked like.
Two more years of the show and Erik was ready to throw in the towel and take a step back from all of that. He loved acting, he did, but he didn’t love being in the spotlight with everyone knowing everything about him. That was something he and Charles didn’t have in common. Charles loved the attention and having all eyes on him. He always had a story to tell and a smile plastered on his face, ready to slip into his persona and perform. Erik often got exhausted just looking at him.
Nevertheless, when the show ended, Erik went into semi-retirement. He had saved back enough from the show and the residuals that he could live comfortably for the rest of his life. Maybe the occasional cameo from time to time or smaller parts, theater, he always loved being on stage in front of an audience.
Charles took a year off, claiming he was going to follow in Erik’s footsteps. They got married, adopted two children—twins, a boy and a girl—and settled in. But it didn’t take Erik long to notice Charles becoming restless and, just like that, he was back in the game, one movie to a show, back to a movie, a string of failed pilots, and then a couple of plays.
Meanwhile, Erik was at home, chasing after their children and sleeping in a cold bed. That wasn’t something that particularly bothered him, not really. He knew the lifestyle, he knew Charles, and that a showman’s life could be lonely and just as bad for a partner.
It wasn’t bad until Charles landed himself in a new show, one that, after the first episode was signed on for a second season.
Day after day, it was the same. Erik’s phone would be blowing up with photos he was sent from god knows who, friends, family, past colleagues, and journalists looking for a story. Photos of Charles and three other men, Shaw, Logan, and Summers. The fearsome foursome, as people had taken to calling them.
At first, Erik had dismissed it, it seemed innocent enough, they were colleagues, of course, it was nothing. But, the more he thought about it, the more he remembered how the two of them started. The same talk was going around the four of them that he had heard when he and Charles had first started talking.
“I think you’re overreacting,” Magda said, looking across the kitchen island at him.
“I’m not overreacting. This is under-reacting, if anything. I mean, I know he’s Charles and I want to trust him but can I? Honestly, can I?” Erik asked, frustrated and angry and hurt. Possibly a little drunk. He was just glad the twins had gone to bed without a fuss tonight.
Magda looked at him, pushing her plate to the side to reach across the counter where she was sitting on a stool. Her hand rested on top of his, that was clasped around a glass that had been filled again and again with whiskey. “This isn’t under-reacting. Erik, the two of you have been together for seven years. Married for three, two beautiful babies. He’s your husband and he loves you.”
Erik shook his head, as much as he wanted to believe her, he couldn’t. “They’re posting photos and making jokes about fucking each other, bets on who can take the other three. I haven’t talked to him in almost a week. I messaged him three days ago after watching the season premiere alone, to tell him I was proud of him and nothing. He said he wanted to get married more than anything, that he had always wanted kids and a family of his own. He has that now and it’s like we’re nothing. The kids haven’t seen him in almost a month. He doesn’t call, he doesn’t text. They watched his show with me and didn’t even recognize him.”
With a sigh, Magda moved around the island to sit next to him. “I know this is hard, but I think you should just find a way to talk to him. You know how he gets, losing track of time, tunnel vision when he starts something.”
“Except a family. No tunnel vision there I just…” Erik sighed, rubbing his hands over his face as Magda rubbed his back, “He’s the love of my life and it kills me that I’m not the love of his.”
“I still think you are and he’s just lost sight of the bigger picture. Maybe because he’s too short to see it all,” Magda suggested and Erik smiled a little, though it was still sad and maybe a little too small.
Erik’s eyes met hers and he started to lean in, focusing on nothing but her. With only a breath between the two of them, a hand on his chest stopped him. “You don’t want to do that.”
“But I do,” Erik whispered, “Come on, it was always comfortable between us, safe. You have to admit there was something right about that.” It had been years since their relationship ended, both of them realizing that they weren’t made for each other, that they were nothing more than friends discussing marriage because that was what they were led to believe they had to do.
“It was a safety blanket, honey, and one we both needed to get away from in order to find ourselves. We were never in love, even if I do love you,” Magda said softly but it didn’t matter how she said the words, somehow Erik still felt rejected. Even if he knew she was right. He loved Charles in a way he could never love her and yet, somehow, even that hurt more.
He buried his face in his hands as he said, “I love you too.”
“Listen, I think you should go to bed. You’ve had enough,” She stood up, grabbing the empty glass that was in front of him. “I’ll go check on the twins and stay in the guest room for the night. Some rest should do you good.”
Erik wanted to protest. He wanted to run, to get away, to find something to distract him. He wanted to find someone and make Charles feel the same hurt Erik was living through but, instead, he stood up and made his way to the shower. A good night's sleep and some time should help him make the right decision. At least, he hoped so.