Chapter Text
“Yeonjun, could I speak to you, please?” the dance instructor had requested.
TXT was working on their album that had yet to be released. It was titled “The Name Chapter: FREEFALL” and was scheduled to be released on October 13, 2023. The group was practicing on one specific track, which was “Chasing that Feeling”. The dance wasn’t extremely difficult, for professional dancers at least, but the dance had some tricky parts. Yeonjun felt proud of his members for being able to overcome those challenges. Then there was him, who couldn’t even get the first part of the dance correct.
Yeonjun simply nodded and followed his dance teacher to the conference room. He was anxious, because he knew he was constantly messing up. Would something happen to his contract? Will he not be able to continue the life of an idol? He wouldn’t be surprised if that were the case, he would have seen that coming. He was just… upset with himself because he’s BigHit’s “legendary trainee”. If he were such an amazing trainee, he could do much better than what he’s giving.
“Yeonjun, I would like to talk to you about what I am seeing from you,” the dance instructor began.
“Will I be getting my contract terminated?” Yeonjun asked, quietly. He didn’t want his dance teacher to hear his embarrassment. It was bad enough that he was pulled into this room.
Which was something BTS even warned them about. They told TXT that if you were ever pulled into that room, it meant you were constantly messing something up. It was almost never a good thing if you had to be talking to the dance instructor in private. Usually, when a member makes a mistake, he would call for a break. Then, after that, he would discuss the errors he sees with the member or members. Very rarely would he privately want to speak to you, unless you’re doing something painfully wrong.
“No, Yeonjun, your contract is still intact,” the teacher assured, “all I would like to do is address some things with you. Firstly, it has come to my attention that you are constantly making mistakes in the “Chasing that Feeling” choreography. This has been occurring on a daily basis, Yeonjun, so I think it is better for TXT to take a break altogether.”
“A break!?” Yeonjun exclaimed, “I don’t think that’s necessary!”
“It is necessary, Yeonjun,” came the calm response, “not just for you. All of TXT could take a break for a week. You all need to get your heads back in the game. And that’s okay, because this is natural with idols.”
“We won’t have enough time to work on the album, then,” Yeonjun tried to reason, “it’s set to release in three weeks!”
“The only major thing that has to be fixed is the choreography, Yeonjun,” the dance instructor responded. “Even the company has agreed to this action.”
Yeonjun couldn’t think of anything else convincing. He couldn’t explain the amount of guilt and anger he felt because he put TXT on a break. He was already expecting disappointed faces when he would get back to the dorms.
“Look, can’t we just—” before Yeonjun could try to reason, he was cut off.
“Yeonjun, I am not going to take this conversation any further,” the dance instructor announced. “There is nothing wrong with taking a short break.”
“A week is too long, though,” Yeonjun tried to persuade, but failed.
“A week is not too long. Additionally, you haven’t been getting enough breaks lately. It will only be for a week, Yeonjun. No longer than that, alright?”
Yeonjun couldn’t do more than sigh in defeat. He nodded and began to make his way to the exit. How would he be able to face his members after this? They would be so upset with him. They would be so disappointed in him. He was their hyung, for the love of all. He was supposed to be a role model. Not an incompetent idiot who can’t get anything right. What level has he dropped down to? Yeonjun couldn’t help but think about it.
He left the studio and prepared himself for the disappointed faces.
“Yeonjun-hyung! You’re finally back!” Hueningkai exclaimed, enthusiastically. He was so happy that Yeonjun finally came back. He was confused as to why it took him so long to get back. Whatever the case, he’s just happy Yeonjun wasn’t kidnapped (he had begun to think that around half an hour after their practice ended, when Yeonjun still didn’t come back).
“Yeah dude! What took you?” Beomgyu complained, as he lay on the couch. He took in Yeonjun’s facial expression and assumed something didn’t go well when he stayed. What could have happened? Did he just attend a funeral? he thought.
“Sorry about that,” Yeonjun sighed, as he set his bag on the ottoman. He looked around and noticed that Taehyun and Soobin weren’t present.
“Where are Soobin and Taehyun?”
“They went out shopping,” Hueningkai responded. He wondered why Yeonjun looked—and sounded—so sad. Did he do something wrong? Then again, Yeonjun looked like that the moment he came through the door. Did he not want to be here? Did he want to go somewhere else? Hueningkai had a lot more questions than answers.
“Oh,” Yeonjun responded, quietly. Beomgyu thought he was jealous at first, but it didn’t sound like jealousy in his tone. To Beomgyu—and Hueningkai—it sounded like Yeonjun was distressed and tired. They wondered what was wrong.
“Are you alright?” Beomgyu questioned, now sitting upright. He could tell Hueningkai was thinking the same question.
“I’m fine,” Yeonjun responded, “it’s just… I spoke with our dance teacher and… he wants us to take a break.”
“That’s not bad, right? That’s a good thing!” Hueningkai smiled, “if anything, we needed a break! We haven’t had one in a long time!”
“How long is the break?” Beomgyu enquired, curious.
“It’s a week,” Yeonjun replied. Right when he expected disappointment and annoyance…
He instead got cheering.
“Yes! I’ve been waiting for this day forever!” Hueningkai exclaimed, “I’m literally so happy! An entire week off!”
“Yeah! Dude, we can play games or sleep all day now!” Beomgyu cheered, full of happiness. He and Hueningkai ran to give Yeonjun a hug.
Why are they so happy about this? Yeonjun wondered as he hugged both of his dongsaengs.
“What’s on your mind? Why do you look so sad?” Hueningkai wondered, sadly. He didn’t want to see anyone sad; it made him sad too. To top it off, they had just received amazing news, so it didn’t make sense to him. Yeonjun should be happy about it.
“It’s… nothing. Excuse me, I’m going to my room,” Yeonjun excused himself as he headed up the stairs. To the younger two, it sounded like Yeonjun was about to cry. Why was he so sad? What could have happened that was so bad?
The two shook off those thoughts and began to play Mario Kart.
Taehyun and Soobin entered the dorms around 5 pm. The two boys had a lot of bags, mostly for them. Although there were some things for the other members. They would never forget the members like that. They were confused as to why Beomgyu and Hueningkai were playing Fall Guys.
“You two do know we have a schedule?” Soobin confusedly asked, closing the front door.
“Not anymore,” Beomgyu replied, keeping his attention on the game.
“What do you mean, “not anymore”?” Taehyun asked, setting the bags on the ottoman.
“Yeonjun-hyung arrived and told us that we’re on break,” Hueningkai explained, trying to beat the game, “for a week.”
“Did he say why?” Soobin asked.
“No,” Beomgyu answered, “maybe because we haven’t had a lot of breaks? I don’t know.”
“Wouldn’t our manager speak to Soobin, then?” Taehyun wondered. This was so weird, to happen out of the blue.
“Come to think of it, he would have,” Hueningkai hummed, finally setting the controller down after he lost. He faced Taehyun and Soobin.
“Hyung didn’t explain much. He looked very sad when he arrived.”
“Yeah,” Beomgyu responded, looking at the other two. “He’s been upstairs for hours. Hasn’t come down once.”
“Oh… I’ll go speak to him,” Soobin announced as he took off his shoes. He headed up the stairs, for Yeonjun’s room.
“Hey, Taehyun, do you want to play with us?” Hueningkai asked, “we have five controllers in total.”
Taehyun smiled brightly and sat in between Beomgyu and Hueningkai. He took the controller Hueningkai offered him and they began playing Fall Guys with each other.
Meanwhile, Soobin was knocking on Yeonjun’s door. He knew Yeonjun was in there; he had to be. Where else?
“What?” came the response. Soobin felt relieved that Yeonjun answered. Although he was confused as to why it sounded like he had been crying.
“May I come in, Yeonjun?” Soobin requested.
“Why?” Yeonjun responded, the door still closed. Soobin knew it was obvious he didn’t feel like talking.
“I’d like to talk about our schedules.” Soobin responded. He felt satisfied when he heard shuffling in the room, indicating that Yeonjun was moving. Then, the door opened abruptly.
“Hey, are you okay?” Soobin asked, patting Yeonjun’s head. He was confused when Yeonjun flinched and moved away from the touch.
“Just… come in, Soobin,” Yeonjun sighed, looking at the younger with a tear-streaked face.
Soobin widened his eyes at the sight of Yeonjun. His eyes were red, his face was puffy, and he sounded terrible. Soobin followed Yeonjun and entered the room, slightly closing the door once he entered. He sat down on the edge of Yeonjun’s bed and pouted.
“Yeonjun, why were you crying?” Soobin frowned.
“I’m not. I wasn’t,” Yeonjun responded, wiping his face.
“What did you want?”
“I wanted to know why our schedule was changed. In other words, why do we have a week-long break?” Soobin asked. He didn’t want to sound rude, but he knew that was what he sounded like. He hoped Yeonjun didn’t take it the wrong way.
The reason why that happened is because I’m a fucking failure, Soobin, Yeonjun wanted to say. Instead, he snapped.
“Since you’re the leader, why don’t you go find out yourself?” he demanded.
“The studio is closed right now,” Soobin replied, “we had a shorter day today. Hueningkai and Beomgyu had told me and Taehyun that it changed. You never told them the reason, so I came to you.”
“It’s not important, Soobin,” Yeonjun responded.
Oh, so he thought I was being mean, Soobin frowned. “Yeonjun, please. I didn’t mean to sound rude.”
“That isn’t the point, Soobin!” Yeonjun shouted, looking angrily at the younger.
“Yeonjun, calm down—”
“Don’t you fucking dare tell me to calm down!”
Soobin was taken aback by the sudden outburst of Yeonjun. At the same time, he felt saddened because Yeonjun was yelling at him for no reason. He felt like he was being rude to the older. He felt like he was going to cry—which he was—so he stood up and left. He knew he was probably being overdramatic, but Yeonjun never yelled like that at anyone before. He sounded so angry. Soobin closed the door and let the tears fall from his face.
He desperately hoped that the younger members didn’t hear that.
Unfortunately for him, they did.
“What was Yeonjun yelling for? What happened up there?” Taehyun asked, protectively. He didn’t want Soobin to be hurt. Although he knew that Soobin was crying.
“I don’t know why he started yelling at me,” Soobin replied, “it’s the first time I’ve ever heard him shout like that.”
“Should I go to him?” Beomgyu asked. He was determined to get revenge for Soobin.
“No! Don’t,” Soobin immediately warned, “Yeonjun is seriously unhappy with something right now. When I went to see him, there were tearstains all over his cheeks. His eyes were so red, too!”
“Did someone make him cry?” Hueningkai pouted. “Well, he’s been like that since he came here.”
“That still gave him no right to yell at Soobin like that!” Taehyun defended, upset. Yeonjun was the oldest of the group, he should know not to do stupid shit like that. Then again, this was Yeonjun. He wants to speak to the older now to clarify any issues.
“We can just leave it alone for now,” Hueningkai suggested, “before this escalates and gets worse.”
“Yeah, Hyuka’s right,” Soobin agreed, “maybe Yeonjun is tired from overworking himself. I don’t know.”
“Don’t make excuses for him, though,” Taehyun warned, “he knows why he’s acting like this.”
“Guys! Enough with the seriousness!” Beomgyu complained, “let’s loosen up a bit.”
The other boys couldn’t do anything but agree.
Yeonjun hated himself for what he did.
Why the fuck would you do that to Soobin, you idiot! He mentally slapped himself so many times.
Yeonjun groaned. Why was he acting like this? Soobin had no reason to go through that. He then received a call from his health instructor.
“Hello, Yeonjun. I have some news for you.”
“Is there something wrong, Dr. Jung?” Yeonjun asked. He didn’t think he could take any more “news” today.
“I’ve been looking at your tests, and you’ve been doing well, until recently.”
“What’s wrong?” Yeonjun wondered. Was he doing something wrong somehow? Again?
“You’ve gone overweight, Yeonjun. For your health, I have put a diet on for you until our next meeting. If you want to use your diet that I have approved for you, you can follow that one if you’d like to. Thank you for understanding.”
“It’s not a problem,” Yeonjun responded. The call had ended, and Yeonjun could not believe his ears. How did he get overweight? Since when did he? He’d been checking the scale, he was fine!
Fucking hell, you’re so pitiful, Yeonjun sighed. He was a K-pop idol for fuck’s sake, he should never go over the belt. How narcissistic could someone get? All he did was eat and eat, like a fucking pig.
Maybe you should stop eating altogether, fatass, Yeonjun thought, have you not seen the increased fat in your cheeks? The underarm fat? The way your thighs had become larger in size? Come to think of it, your clothes have been feeling tighter, haven’t they? All you do is eat, that’s why. Maybe it’s also the reason that you’re failing the choreography.
Yeonjun felt tears fall down his face. He knew he was failing himself. He was failing his dongsaengs. He was failing his own parents, who fucking told him he wouldn’t be able to handle being a K-pop idol. Why the hell didn’t he trust them?
Yeonjun couldn’t do any more than stare at the dull ceiling.
“I think he’s lying,” Taehyun sighed. He knew it was rude to assume things, but he was just guessing. Nothing wrong with that, right?
“What do you mean? How would hyung be lying?” Hueningkai wondered. He always thought of Yeonjun as an honest person. Never would Yeonjun ever lie to them about something. He knew Yeonjun would rather die than to do so.
“Well, isn’t it obvious? He keeps telling us nothing is wrong. He keeps saying that he’s fine and that he has everything under control.”
“You actually believed him on that?” Beomgyu nearly snickered. He knew since day one that Yeonjun didn’t have it all under control. That wasn't how it worked. Everyone has those days when something goes wrong. He knows no one is perfect. Neither is their hyung, Choi Yeonjun.
“I think he’s lying to us about something else,” Soobin frowned. He already knew that Yeonjun wasn't fine. He knew that Yeonjun hid a hell of a lot of things from them. Sure, people can hide personal things from others, but Yeonjun hides almost everything. He often wondered if it was because they were younger than him.
“I mean, it’s wrong to assume,” Hueningkai pouted, “but what do you think he’s lying about?"
Soobin sighed as he began to speak, “I don’t mean to hurt anyone’s feelings, but…”
“But what?” Beomgyu asked, curiously.
“I think he’s lying to us about loving us.”