Chapter Text
You wake up in a courtroom.
What the fuck.
You don't remember anything. Well, you do. But you have no recollection of how you got here, or the last thing you were doing. It felt a bit like waking up from a way-too-long nap. You were disoriented to say the least, with a strange feeling of urgency burning in your chest. What the fuck.
Even stranger, you weren't on the ground. You had just woken up- fully in a standing position. As if your body had decided to venture off wherever the fuck and you were just now becoming aware of it. You were dressed in regular clothes. Sweats, a hoodie, and-your slippers? What? Surely this wasn't a sleep-walking situation. Was it?
Maybe you were dreaming. Okay. Yeah. That made more sense. You were dreaming.
You blink. Once, twice, three times, finally becoming properly aware of your surroundings. You are, in fact, in a courtroom. But certainly not a modern one. It feels... medieval? High-backed chairs with golden trim line the rows. The only source of lighting comes from dozens of fancy candelabras around the room. There are odd designs on the walls. They resemble animals, you think. In between the illustrations are multiple tall, pointed windows opening out into a dark blue sky, scattered with stars and a moon that seems way too close to be normal.
But none of that keeps your attention for long.
A man is staring at you. He's tall, wearing some sort of red uniform adorned with ribbons and badges. His skin is a warm shade of brown, his hair a bit darker and in a style that reminds you vaguely of some mid-2000's emo bands. He stares at you with golden eyes, narrowed in concern. Wait, shit-he just said something. You weren't listening.
"...understandable. You've only just arrived, after all. As a human, it will probably take a while for you to adjust to things here in the Devildom." His voice is deep, but not really intimidating. More calming, really. Which you'd think would be impossible in this situation. But he gives you a kind smile, and if you weren't so goddamned confused, you'd be tempted to smile back.
"I suppose I should start by introducing myself," the man says. "My name is Diavolo. I am ruler of all demons, and all here know of me. And someday soon, I will be crowned king of the Devildom. This is the Royal Academy of Diavolo, though we just call it RAD."
Your mouth opens briefly to say something. Ask him to slow down, maybe. But he doesn't notice, and continues his spiel. He continues to explain something about RAD ('Royal Academy of Diavolo'? Really? Naming your school after yourself? A bit pretentious, isn't it?) and the apparent student council. Finally, he pauses, looking at you expectantly, obviously waiting for you to say something. But as much as you rack your brain, there's only one thing to say.
"What the fuck?"
Maybe your voice came out a little harsher than intended, but it wasn't exactly unwarranted. The man seems taken aback. His soft and kind expression turning into something harder to read.
"I will explain everything to you." A voice to your right says, causing you to jump.
You turn. It's another man. This one looks quite different from the first-Diavolo, though he is wearing a similar uniform, albeit in black. He's even taller, with pale skin and ink-black hair. His expression isn't kind. It's not unkind either. Just... neutral. Serious. It matches his voice. Diavolo speaks up at your apparent surprise.
"MC, this is Lucifer. He is a demon and the Avatar of Pride," Diavolo's voice is chipper, arms outstretched as though he were introducing a friend or a work colleague, and not... Lucifer? Lucifer?
This is definitely a dream.
Diavolo continues his introduction, naming Lucifer as his 'most trusted friend'. The two playfully banter back and forth. Your head is spinning.
"...I offer you a most heartfelt welcome, MC." Lucifer says, staring you in the eyes with a welcoming(?) smile. There's something... deeper behind it, you think. Something about Lucifer's demeanor makes him seem suspicious, but then again, that effect could also just be coming from his name.
"What the fuck? " You ask again. You probably sound like a parrot. You don't care.
"...Interesting. This one is quite different from Solomon," Lucifer says, probably to Diavolo. Solomon?
The following explanations from the two men don't exactly help your confusion. Devildom. Celestial realm. Exchange programs? Do they actually expect you to comprehend any of this? The ideas piece together, reluctantly, in your head. It's easier, you find, to treat this situation like a piece of fiction. Or like a dream. Which this is. Obviously. Totally. You fucking hope.
"So, I take it you've put two and two together at this point, right?" Lucifer asks you. No. No I haven't. What could possibly give you that fucking impression?
"You've been chosen from among the people of the human world to participate in this program of ours. You are our newest exchange student." More details follow. One year of living in the 'Devildom', tasks, papers, and more confusing shit. To sum up, in your understanding: you have been summoned to Hell to go to school. What did you do to deserve this? You thought you were a... decent person. Not bad enough to go to Hell, anyway.
"You need someone to look after you, and I think that someone should be my brother Mammon" Lucifer says. Ah yes, another demon name-naturally. Because he was a demon. His brother was a demon. And you were in Hell. To go to school. Obviously.
Lucifer soon hands you a small device, roughly the same size as an iPhone. Wait-is this an iPhone? No, you realize. It's quite similar though. You open the phone app, and he directs you to Mammon's contact. You press call. After only a few rings, a strangely laid back voice answers.
"Yoooo." You pause.
"Yoooo...?" You mirror his greeting back at him, trying to match his tone. But it ends up coming out more like a question.
"Are ya foolin' around? Who the hell are ya?" His accent takes you aback. Did they have accents in Hell?
"I'm... a human." You say, unsure of how else to answer the question. Was he not supposed to anticipate this phone call? This was his job, according to Lucifer. He was supposed to be responsible for you. Already you weren't feeling super optimistic about your odds of survival here.
"Whaaa? A human?" His voice echoes through the phone. "Geez, I was gettin' all chilly here thinkin' it was Lucifer again. Ya should've told me right away. So what business does a human got with THE Mammon?"
Okay. THIS fucker is pretentious. Your annoyance at his lazy self-confidence almost overpowers your fear and confusion at the present situation.
"You're supposed to be in charge of me? Lucifer said-" You start, only to be interrupted.
"AAH!" Mammon apparently seems to remember the situation. "You're the other human exchange student. G'luck with that. See ya."
You remember what he had said only a moment ago. I was gettin' all chilly here thinkin' it was Lucifer again. Interesting.
"Lucifer called for you." You say, hoping to spur a more engaged reaction.
"Pffft, whatever. Ya think THE Mammon would listen to ya just 'cause you're tryin' to scare me with that name?" Mammon says. but you know you his some kind of nerve, because his previously chilled out tone is tinged with uncertainty. Suddenly Lucifer begins to count down from ten, his voice apparently reaching Mammon over the phone, because he quickly shouts out a panicked "YESSIR!" and promptly hangs up.
For the first time since you woke up, you laugh.