Work Text:
--
I see it in your teeth again
There's a tightness when you're smiling
It creeps in through the backdoor when
You play pretend and break down crying
--
He knocks his tea mug off the kitchen counter that morning.
It's by accident; he's diving for his phone as it chimes. He texted Charlie when he woke up but he hasn’t had a reply yet, and as he checks the screen and reads, fuck overslept I'm going to miss the bus, he turns too fast and knocks his favourite tea mug off the counter, shattering it on the tiles and spilling tea and ceramic shards everywhere.
He stares at the mess, then back at his phone screen, momentarily torn between what to deal with first. Then he sends Charlie a shocked face emoji and goes to deal with the spill.
--
Charlie isn't in form, because Charlie missed the bus and as a consequence Nick has to do both without his morning tea and without seeing Charlie's smile first thing in the morning. It makes the day feel wrong as he walks to his first lesson, and he shakes his head at himself because he'll catch up with Charlie later and it isn't important, not really.
First period is French, which Nick can sleep through if he has to, so when he gets called on, at least he can give the answer unthinkingly. But then Mrs Jones makes him repeat it, pouvez-vous répéter plus lentement pour la classe, Nicolas, not once, but twice, so the rest can follow along, and he absolutely hates her saying his name like that.
He's in a foul mood by the time the lesson is done, dragging himself through the next class and the next one, until it's finally time for lunch.
--
Tao is holding court by the picknick tables, being dramatic about something or other that Nick gathers after a moment has something to do with an art house film he's seen on the weekend. Charlie is laughing as he's listening, interjecting the odd comment.
"…you can't just decide to changes styles mid film! It's unheard of, it's barbaric, it's unwatchable!"
"Tao, he didn't do it to annoy you personally."
"Yes, he did!" Tao spreads his arms. "I've seen every film he's made, I went on opening weekend, he can't just disappoint me like this!"
Isaac sniggers from behind the novel he's reading as Nick sits down next to Charlie. Charlie glances at him briefly, and Nick gives him a smile. Charlie smiles back and then frowns, tilting his head at Nick before his attention is once again drawn away by Tao.
"I deserve better." Tao sits down with a theatrical sigh. "My loyalty should be rewarded."
Charlie laughs again. "I'm sure it will be. The next film…"
Tao interrupts. "I might not even watch the next one, if this is the respect he has for the art form."
Nick gives up on getting any time with Charlie, and just lets Tao talk as he eats his lunch. Charlie is laughing and happy. Nick can wait.
--
He gets a B- in science, and a note on his lab report that says, come see me, and Nick gets up and trudges to the front of the class where Mr Farouk is sitting at his desk.
"Nick Nelson." He glances at the paper Nick is holding. "Ah, yes. Electromagnetism."
That's the section of Nick's work that has a lot of red marks all over it. He steels himself for the lecture, or whatever extra assignment will be coming his way.
"Pull up that chair."
Nick blinks, but brings the chair over and takes a seat.
"Looks like you didn't quite get on the same page as the rest of us. So let's go over it again."
--
He's late getting to rugby practice, head swimming with gravity and magnetism and all of the calculations he doesn't fully understand. He's last into the changing room, Charlie already there in his usual spot, already changed and pulling on his shoes. He gets a quick smile, and he smiles back, and Charlie frowns again.
Nick drops his bag on the bench and gets his kit out, knowing Coach Singh isn't going to be pleased if the team captain is the last one on the field. Charlie looks at him and opens his mouth, but before he can speak Harry has to have something to say.
"Oy, Nick, what was Farouk keeping you about for so long?"
He starts unbuttoning his shirt. "It was nothing."
"Nothing? You were there for most of the period."
Harry can't ever let anything go, and Harry has a nose for weakness. Nick doesn't want to give him anything, doesn't want to feel the way he feels about the B- and not getting it, so he shrugs as he takes off his uniform shirt and exchanges it for his rugby top.
"Awww, did you need help?"
It stings, and normally he'd shrug it off but today it's just another thing that hits him wrong. He knows what it'll take to get Harry to back off and he doesn't want the hassle and the jostling.
"Leave him alone." Charlie's voice is soft but clear.
Nick glances at him, touched but also worried, because Charlie in Harry's line of fire is terrifying on a good day, even if Harry knows better than to go after Charlie when Nick's around. But Charlie is looking straight at Harry, looking completely undaunted even if Nick knows he's not feeling like that at all.
Harry starts laughing, and Nick braces himself. He can't take much today, and definitely not a jab about him and Charlie. He just wants to get through this day and get home and maybe find a minute in there somewhere, if he's lucky, to give Charlie a hug.
"Yeah, lay off, Harry. It's not like you're so good at science." It's Sai, and Nick sends him a grateful glance.
Before Harry can respond there's a knock on the door. "Did you all fall asleep in there?"
"Sorry, Coach," a few of them chorus, and they start filing out.
Nick hurries to get changed, catching Charlie's concerned glance as he dawdles by the door before following the others out.
--
"And what time do you call this?"
Yeah, she's not pleased, and Nick doesn't bother offering excuses. "Sorry, miss."
Her frown says she's not impressed. "Go get warmed up with the others."
He nods and jogs out to where the rest is doing laps, Charlie at the front because Charlie's long legs are the fastest. When she switches them to doing sprints from one side of the field to the other, it's Charlie who beats everyone to the other side every time. Nick gets a stitch in his side by the sixth pass, and tries to breathe through it as Charlie already touches the line.
His eyes meet Charlie's when Nick gets there, and he can see Charlie can tell. He's more perceptive than Nick wants him to be sometimes, and Charlie opens his mouth. Nick gives him a small shake of the head, and the whistle blows. Back to the other side, his lungs burning and his legs feeling like lead, the stitch in his side making everything harder.
It's only at the end, when she yells, "And one more!" and blows the whistle again, looking straight at him, that he realises this is punishment for him being late and all of them dawdling in the changing room. He gets to the line last, bending over with his hands on his knees, catching his breath. Someone pats him on the back, not Charlie, and he straightens up, once again catching Charlie's concerned gaze.
"You alright?" Otis asks, and Nick turns back to him.
"Yeah, I'm fine."
He gets another pat on the back, and then they're off to practice scrums.
--
It's dusk by the time they're done, and Nick knows Charlie has a bus to catch and keeping him back would be unfair. He changes quickly, feeling Charlie's eyes on him, but they never get any time to themselves. Finally, Charlie says, voice low, "I have to go. Text me later?"
Nick nods, dredging up a smile. "Sure. See you tomorrow."
Charlie holds his eyes for a little longer, then grabs his bags and goes.
--
He doesn't text Charlie until after dinner. Sorry about today, and then he backspaces and tries again. I miss you. No, that seems stupid. Finally he just sends, hey.
Charlie comes online quickly. Hey.
Nick sighs, wishing Charlie were here. Can we get together tomorrow?
Of course. There's a pause and then the next message appears. You okay?
Fine, Nick writes back. It's all stupid, small things that he shouldn't get hung up on. Just tired.
Monday blues? Charlie writes back with a smiley face, and suddenly Nick is laughing a little.
--
The next morning Charlie is in form, and Nick's shoulders only relax when he sees him. He smiles, and Charlie smiles back, sliding into his seat. "Hi."
"Hi," Nick replies.
Charlie is looking at him, searching his face for something, and Nick isn't sure what he sees. "Yours or mine later?" Charlie asks.
Nick shrugs. "Doesn't matter as long as we get together."
"Nick…"
Charlie is frowning again, and Nick shouldn't do this, should be shaking off the day before. "Never mind."
Charlie wants to say something, but Mr Lange starts doing the list, and they fall silent.
After a minute, he feels Charlie's finger tap against his hand. He looks up, and Charlie is giving him a soft, encouraging smile. He can't help but smile back, feeling buoyed up.
--
At lunch he sits closer to Charlie than he should, but he's tired and they haven't been alone together since Saturday, and what he actually wants to do is put his head on Charlie's shoulder and close his eyes. He doesn't do any of those things, but he presses his leg against Charlie's under the table and leans his shoulder against Charlie's, and Charlie doesn't say anything but quietly lets him.
Occasionally, he catches Charlie's eye and sees that frown again, and Nick should get over himself instead of worrying Charlie like this. When the others are talking, Charlie takes a moment to pitch his voice low. "Everything okay?"
Nick nods. "I'm fine. Just…" He doesn't have any answers, swallowing.
"Did something happen yesterday?"
"Not really." He isn't being fair to Charlie, so he makes himself say, "Bad grade. And I missed you."
Charlie looks touched at that, smiling a little. He puts his hand on Nick's arm. "I'll make it up to you this afternoon."
That really can't come soon enough.
--
They go to Nick's at the end of the day, walking home together, and for a while Charlie fills the silence with the day's events, orchestra practice and Isaac being brilliant in English, and it makes Nick laugh a little. Listening to Charlie's voice is soothing, and he appreciates what Charlie is doing. Finally, they're on Nick's road and Charlie says, "You've been quiet."
Yes, he has been. He smiles at Charlie as he's digging out his keys. "I'm okay. I promise."
"No, you're not."
He knows that tone in Charlie's voice, the one that says that Charlie has seen him and isn't believing the front Nick is putting up. The keys slip from his hand and land on the paving stones with a crash. It's one more thing and he winces at the sound, bending over to pick them up and fit them in the lock.
He busies himself with opening the door and letting them in and taking off his shoes and coat, keeping his face turned away from Charlie, leaving Charlie's comment hanging in the air. Charlie follows, dropping his school bag and toeing off his shoes, finally taking off his coat and putting it up on the hook.
"Nick." There's nothing left to busy himself with and he's not sure he can explain what's going on to Charlie, not sure he knows how or has any right to feel this way. But Charlie takes his hand and tugs him into a hug, and that is exactly where Nick needs to be. He presses his face into Charlie's shoulder, holding Charlie tightly, breathing in the smell of Charlie's shampoo and the faint scent of laundry soap that clings to Charlie's jumper.
Charlie holds him, letting Nick recharge, until they finally come apart. Charlie reaches up and strokes Nick's hair from his face. "Come on," he says softly, and takes Nick's hand to lead him upstairs to Nick's bedroom.
--
He kisses Charlie when they're there, because he hasn't for days and because Charlie is so sweet he can't resist. They wind up making out on Nick's bed, and he's entirely ignoring the fact that they left their school bags downstairs and aren't even pretending to think about homework today. He's got one hand on Charlie's hip and he can't stop thinking about how he could tug Charlie's shirt out of his trousers and touch Charlie's skin.
It's Charlie who pulls away first, breathless and looking at him, and Nick leans in to kiss him again, feeling Charlie breathing hard under him, moving away from kissing Charlie's mouth to kissing his cheek and his jaw and feeling Charlie shudder under him when Nick kisses his neck.
Charlie's tie and collar are in the way and Nick thinks about undoing them, about how illicit it would feel to do that and kiss Charlie under his collar where no one will be able to see, but Nick will know.
He has to stop, then, pull away before he gets himself too worked up and Charlie will notice. Not that Charlie won't notice, but there are some things that have gone unsaid between them so far and Nick doesn't want today to be the day to say them. He covers it by sliding his hand into Charlie's hair and smiling at him. Charlie smiles back, all dreamy and wide, watching him with that unwavering affection that Nick could drown in.
"Feel better?" Charlie asks.
He laughs at that. "You…"
Charlie looks pleased with himself, running a thumb over Nick's cheek. "It seemed like that's what you needed."
"It was," he admits.
Charlie is watching him, just waiting, just being Charlie, and Nick had almost forgotten that he's is like that, that that's why he fell for Charlie. There was never any pressure with Charlie, never anything other than the genuine concern he can see in Charlie's eyes.
"It was just a shit day yesterday." He shifts onto his back, staring at the ceiling, glancing briefly at Charlie. Charlie props himself up on one elbow, putting a warm hand on Nick's stomach. "You weren't in form, I fucked up in science, and then practice…"
"What happened in science? You were pretty down when you came to rugby practice."
"I…" Nick sighs. "I'm just having a hard time keeping up."
"Did you get a lecture?"
Nick swallows, because in a lot of ways he wishes he had. "No."
"Nick?"
He glances at Charlie. "No, Mr Farouk was really great about it. But…"
Charlie waits, watching him.
"We ended up going over it three times. I think I get it now, but it's not getting any easier. I'm putting in the work, it's not that I'm not, I just…" The frustration makes him blow out a long breath.
"There's nothing wrong with needing extra help." He cuts his eyes to Charlie. "And it doesn't mean you're never going to get it. You got through your maths GCSE," Charlie reminds him.
"That was half down to you and you know it."
Charlie's eyes harden. "You did the work, Nick."
The rebuke stings in a weird way, and he knows he's at risk of wallowing in self-pity and Charlie doesn't need or deserve that from him. He nods, pulling himself up to lean into the pillows. "You're right."
They're silent for a moment, and then Charlie shifts to put his head on Nick's chest, and he makes space for him, putting his arm around Charlie's shoulders.
"I'm sorry I was late yesterday," Charlie says, because Charlie is incorrigible.
Nick tries to think of a light hearted way to correct him, but fails. "It happens," he finally says after a long pause.
"Yeah." Charlie rubs his face against Nick's shirt.
He plays with Charlie's curls, watching them wrap around his fingers, listening to the sound of Charlie's breathing and the silence. He thinks back on the day before, on the rugby practice that left him winded, on the way science had made him feel like he was on the back foot, the way lunch had gone, and French…
He blinks at the ceiling at that memory that had got lost in the rest of the day. He slides his hand out of Charlie's hair, and Charlie shifts, looking up at him. Nick meets his eyes, the warmth of Charlie's concerned gaze suddenly a lot.
"Should I kiss you again?" Charlie offers. "Would that make you feel better?"
Nick laughs, taking the easy way out because it's more fun to kiss Charlie again than it is to figure out how to explain how French class made him feel. "Yes, yes, it would."
--
They end up down in the kitchen, Charlie making tea while Nick pets Nellie so she doesn't feel neglected. Charlie is busying himself with the kettle and the tea bags, and suddenly says, "Where's your mug? I can't find it."
Nick looks up. "Dropped it. Yesterday."
Charlie's face does something between adorable and amused.
"Yeah." Nick stands up.
"The universe really had it in for you."
Charlie turns back to the cupboard and roots around for another mug, using that instead. He stands by the kettle waiting for the water to boil, and Nick goes over and slides his arms around Charlie's waist. He presses a kiss to the back of Charlie's neck, and Charlie leans into the embrace. "Thank you," Nick says softly.
"For what?"
"Being here."
"Where else would I be?" Charlie turns in his arms. "Nick…"
There's that frown again he's seen too often in the past few days, and he's very aware that he's the one who's put it there. He reaches up to smooth his fingers over the lines, and Charlie's eyes try to follow his hand, confused.
"I'm worried about you."
Those are not the words Nick wants to hear, and he lets Charlie go. The kettle clicks off and Charlie ignores it, watching him before finally giving up and making the tea.
"I'm sorry," Nick offers. Charlie glances at him over his shoulder. "Really, I'm okay."
Charlie turns around and hands him a mug before leaning against the kitchen counter, watching him. No offers of kisses this time, just Charlie's unwavering gaze and Charlie showing him that he knows Nick too well for Nick to hide anything.
"Mrs Jones called me Nicolas in French class." It sounds exactly as stupid and inconsequential in the kitchen as it did in his head. He feels himself colour, taking a sip of the tea to cover it.
Charlie frowns, connecting the dots. "Nick…"
"It doesn't matter." He drinks more tea and turns away.
Nellie lifts her head in her basket, whining a little as she looks at him, sensing something. He swallows. Then he feels Charlie's hand around his own, lifting the tea mug from his fingers, putting it aside before Charlie envelopes him in a hug.
His face in Charlie's shoulder, he suddenly knows it isn't about the name. Charlie holds him tightly, lets him stay in his arms as long as Nick likes, and he does, for long minutes, until he finally feels strong enough to face Charlie's knowing gaze. Charlie smiles gently and cups his cheek, and Nick loves him so much for not making him explain.
He leans in to give Charlie a soft kiss. "Sorry. I didn't know how to… talk about that."
Charlie nods, stepping back and handing Nick his mug of tea again. He smiles at that, and Charlie says, "When did you last hear from your dad?"
"He called a few weeks ago. It took him ten minutes before he asked about you."
"What did you tell him?"
Nick shrugs. "That we're still together. Then he asked what position you play in rugby."
He catches Charlie's double take even though Charlie tries to hide it. "Wow," Charlie says finally, just like he did that first time.
"I suppose I should be grateful he asks," Nick says, and it sounds too bitter to his own ears. "Maybe he'd call me more if I had a girlfriend instead." He meets Charlie's eyes. "Sorry."
Charlie just shakes his head, watching him, and Nick can't stop telling the truth.
"He always liked David better than me. Rugby and girls, and I only got half of that right." He puts the mug down and leans his hands on the kitchen counter, staring at the floor.
Nellie whines again, finally getting up and trotting over to them, but it's Charlie she picks, rubbing her nose against his trousers. Charlie sinks down and hugs her, ruffling her fur and telling her softly what a good girl she is.
Nick turns around and looks at them. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that."
Charlie looks up at him, mouth set in a line. "It's how you feel."
"Yes, but you… I wouldn't ever trade you, Char."
Charlie's voice softens. "I know that."
He sighs, leaning back.
Charlie's eyes are still on him, and he meets Charlie's gaze again. "Nick, he's doing absolutely the bare minimum by not rejecting you. Just because it might have come as a shock to him doesn't mean he shouldn't accept you as you are."
Nick shrugs briefly. "Do your parents? Accept you like that? Does your dad?"
Charlie's mouth quirks into a small smile. "Yeah. It wasn't always easy for them in the beginning. Sometimes, they… don't know what to say or do, but they try."
He holds out a hand, and Charlie takes it, letting himself be pulled up. Nellie whines again, finally retreating back to her basket.
"My mum's been good with it." He keeps holding on to Charlie's hand. "But your parents don't exactly love me."
"That isn't about you being bi."
He can't help saying it. "Isn't it?"
"You're older than me. They aren't thrilled about…" Charlie makes a gesture. "Anyway, they're coming around to you."
He doesn't ask what Charlie means, just holding Charlie's hand like a lifeline.
"And I wouldn't trade you for anything, either."
Nick smiles at that, stepping closer. "Good."
--
His mum comes home and they have dinner, and neither of them says anything about what happened before. When Charlie leaves, he can't help trading a few extra kisses in the doorway, until Charlie laughs against his mouth and says, "Nick, I'm going to be late."
He lets him go after that, watching until Charlie is at the end of the road before he closes the door, waiting until his phone pings half an hour later. Home safe.
He sends Charlie a love heart, then adds, thanks for this afternoon.
You needed it, Charlie simply replies.
--
In the morning he feels steadier, but then he thinks about only seeing Charlie in form and at lunch, with other people around and too many prying eyes, and he sighs. He sends Charlie a text on the way to school. Meet me in the library?
It's not something they usually do, but Charlie sends back, okay.
Ten minutes before form starts, the library is deserted, and Nick waits in the far corner until the door opens and Charlie comes in, coat still on, scarf firmly wrapped around his neck. He smiles just at seeing Charlie, who drops his bag and walks straight into Nick's embrace. "Hey."
"Hey," Nick replies, hugging him tightly. "Thank you for coming here."
"Is something wrong?"
That frown again, and Nick wishes he wasn't the cause of it so often this week. But he smooths his fingers over the lines on Charlie's face and Charlie huffs out an amused laugh. "No. I'm okay, I just wanted to get you alone for a moment."
Charlie ducks his head and smiles, like he's pleased at the idea. Nick leans in to kiss him, because days that start with kissing Charlie are better. "We shouldn't… kiss… at school," Charlie says against his mouth, and Nick laughs.
"Everyone knows, Char."
Charlie smiles, looking pleased at that as well, and Nick tucks a curl in among the other curls just because he can.
"Do you want to come to mine later?" Charlie asks. "Do homework?"
They'll have to actually do it this time, since yesterday they ignored it entirely. Nick smiles and nods, stealing one last kiss as the bell goes.
finis.