Work Text:
Rui was heading home after a tough school day.
The last thing he needed was to face his feelings for Tsukasa, right in front of the latter, on the way to his house with no escape.
"I... Tsukasa-kun..."
He tried to soften the disappointment in his eyes as he stumbled over his words.
"It's- It's fine if you don't tell me right now! I know you might need time... Just tell me when you can."
Tsukasa started to show his worry but didn't let it get to his head. Even a bold, loud, stubborn guy like him knew that out-of-the-blue love confessions needed more time for an answer.
"I don't want to make you uncomfortable, Rui-kun. You can say no, I'll understand."
Rui decided not to respond to that, instead choosing to stare at his feet.
He hesitantly tapped Tsukasa's shoulder, trying his best to look into his eyes. Why did his eyes have to be such a deep shade of yellow? They almost hurt to look at, and with Tsukasa staring back, deep into his heart, without holding back his love, Rui couldn't take it. It was too much.
He had to look away. He hoped Tsukasa didn't think badly of it. He rubbed his eyes with one hand, and let his other hand slip away from Tsukasa's body. He felt like he needed to run away, so he did. He stumbled and tried not to make it look like he was escaping.
"See you tomorrow." Tsukasa softly said to no one, slowly turning and walking back towards the school.
***
Rui tried to sleep that night, but couldn't get that moment out of his mind.
Did he like Tsukasa? Yes. Did he... love him? He didn't know. He could ask him how it feels, if he could even show his face after what happened. Why didn't he say anything? He probably broke Tsukasa's heart by running away like that.
He sat up in bed and grabbed his phone. Tsukasa - online.
He always talked better online.
Hi
hi
I'm sorry about earlier
it's fine, i understand
dont worry
No, I probably made you
feel bad. I didn't want to
do that
I just don't know if i have
the same feelings
i get it
I'm not saying no btw
I just want to figure it
out
so that's a no
No! it's not, I really
mean it
i know how it works rui
I don't. i wouldn't make
you wait like this if i didn't
want you
wdym you don't?
do you mean youve never
had a gf???
yes
how.. ur literally the ladies man
I mean, they all think I'm crazy
so that's something
You think I'm a ladies' man? lol
ur the hottest guy in school so
i assumed
and that's not just coming from
me
Haha I'm flattered
Listen, about the whole
thing
I'll tell you tomorrow. Don't worry
ok
thankyou
Just one more thing before
that though
?
How did you know you liked me?
Tsukasa typed for a much longer time than usual. His icon switched from online to offline. Rui frowned and waited for a minute. Then five. After 20 minutes, he gave up and went to sleep.
***
Rui woke up to his phone ringing. He picked up and was surprised at who he heard.
"Rui-kuuun!!! Morning, sleepyhead!"
"Emu-kun..? Why are you calling me?"
"Tsukasa-kun told me to!! He wants to meet early at your school for a group meeting, in… 10 minutes!"
"10 minutes?! It takes me 10 minutes to get to school! Couldn't you have called earlier?"
"Hey, Tsukasa-kun only told me now, it's not my fault."
Rui sighed. "Okay, I'll be there."
"Have a wonderhoy-ful day!"
He reluctantly got dressed, feeling a little grumpy from the sudden wake-up call. After eating as much breakfast as he could in a record time, he opened the front door to find Tsukasa, sitting on the stairs, waiting patiently.
"Tsukasa-kun." Rui said his name, softly and almost raspily.
"Rui-kun! I hope you're not too tired, because I have something great planned for today!"
Tsukasa sounded like his usual self; loud, not caring about judgement by passersby.
"Didn't you tell Emu-kun there was a group meeting?"
"It's the only way I thought of getting you out of bed so fast. There's no meeting, don't worry." Tsukasa held out his hand, smiling brightly.
"I have something better. We've got half an hour until school starts, and where I wanna go is just on the way."
Seeing how he was holding up, Rui supposed he forgot about yesterday and fell asleep. He could forget about it too. He took Tsukasa's hand, still clueless as to where they were going.
"By the way… About what you asked last night."
Oh, he didn't forget. Of course he didn't. He made sure to trap Rui with him, tell him how it feels, so he'd have to answer and make a fool of himself again.
"It's… very- very complicated. But I can try to explain. There's the usual: You always make me smile, my day's better when I talk to you, I think about you… a lot."
Rui was desperately trying to look at something else than Tsukasa. How far away was this thing anyway?
"But there's also the kind of love I've only had with the best people."
He sighed. "It… It hurts. I don't want to tell you how much. It doesn't feel like love at first. It feels like you're gonna die, very slowly. You want to curl up into a ball and never exist… It feels like hell. But I suppose… It's in exchange for the happiness you get when they like you back. Suddenly, the pain's worth it."
Tsukasa seemed to finally realize Rui was uncomfortable.
"Rui… Rui-kun, I'm sorry. I didn't want to force you."
Rui noticed his mouth was dry when he spoke. "No, I asked you. It's only fair I listen." He quickly glanced at Tsukasa before staring at the sky again.
"I see." Rui paused, trying to form the words.
"I don't want to lie. I don't feel that way. But I don't want to break your heart. I still like you, I just don't think I like you that way. Yet." At his last few words, Rui forced himself to look at Tsukasa, withstanding the storm that hit him when he met the other's eyes.
He broke eye contact as soon as he could. He felt himself shaking. "I'm sorry, I can't look at you like this. I'm so sorry. Can we stop walking? For a second?"
"Of course." Tsukasa led them to a nearby bench, almost carrying Rui at this point, holding his waist firmly so he couldn't trip.
They were silent for a minute or two, Tsukasa clearly trying his best not to talk until Rui was okay. Rui kept staring at the ground, slowly bringing his knees to his chest and holding them.
"I like you. I like you a lot. I don't want you to go away. I still want to be with you."
He lost the energy to stop himself from tearing up. His voice started cracking.
"I'm scared you'll go away if I say no."
After a moment of consideration, Tsukasa gingerly put his hand on Rui's back, rubbing it as slow as he could.
"I won't, Rui-kun. You're being so nice, I would never want to leave you for saying no. I understand. I'll still be sad, but being around you is enough to make it worth it. It's worth the pain."
"I don't w-want you to hurt…" Rui sniffled loudly, far from the composed, smug persona he'd always shown everyone and Tsukasa. "I wish I could… I wish I could make you feel good. I don't want you to feel bad. I'm being selfish."
"You're not, Rui. You're okay. I'm used to it. The fact that you still like me already makes it better. It's not as bad."
"Tsukasa-kun… Can I…?" He lifted his head, finally showing his red, crying, face, and raised his arms in an attempt at a hug.
Tsukasa gave him permission by finishing the hug.
His blond hair smelled strongly of oranges. It was sickening. Tsukasa was so warm; his breathing slow, slightly shaky, filling Rui's body with life.
His chest hurt like a fire started in his heart all of a sudden. It began to grow. He choked on his tears, making Tsukasa jump slightly.
"...I think I feel the pain now."
"...What?" Tsukasa raised his head lightly, his voice almost a whisper.
"I feel the pain. The burning, horrible pain. I don't think it's anything else."
Tsukasa inhaled sharply, starting to shake too. Rui assumed he was crying now.
"...How does it feel?"
A moment, and a sigh.
"It feels like I'll die if you leave. Like I'm having a heart attack. Like… I never want to let you go."
Tsukasa gripped Rui tighter.
"Sounds about right."
They held eachother for what felt like forever, counting each breath then forgetting the last.
"Do you want to skip school today? It's probably started by now."
Rui nodded into Tsukasa's hair.
"Wanna go to my house?"
"What about that thing you wanted to do?" Rui croaked out.
Tsukasa pulled away, lifting Rui's head to speak to him.
"We're in no shape to do it now."
Their eyes met, and Rui still felt like he needed to run, but instead, he started memorizing the color of Tsukasa's eyes. Their piercing yellow was rimmed with a fiery orange; they looked like the sun. They were just breathtaking. He couldn't find other words to describe them.
Tsukasa raised a hand to brush Rui's messy hair out of his eyes. He gently curled the strands, slowly playing with them before tucking them behind Rui's ear.
"Tsukasa-kun."
"Yes?"
"I love you." Rui fought the creeping fear once again.
"I love you too, Rui."
"Do I call you Tsukasa now?"
"You don't have to if you don't want to."
"No, I'll do it."
Tsukasa leant in to take Rui's hand.
"So, are we going to my place?"
"That works."
They held hands the whole way, Tsukasa regularly squeezing Rui's and swinging it back and forth lightly. Rui was back to looking at anywhere but Tsukasa, still not managing to keep his anxiety down.
“Are you hungry? I know you had to rush.”
“Kinda. I don’t want to bother you, though.”
“Nonsense! You need food, I have some. I’d never pass up a chance to make sure you’re well fed.”
Tsukasa’s usual yelling voice stayed when with Rui, but there was a softer touch to it. Rui could tell he meant every word he said.
"Come on, Rui. We'll get caught in the rain if we stand here for so long."
Rui realized they were standing in front of Tsukasa's house, and he'd been staring at the other since they arrived.
"Sorry."
"You don't have to apologize, Rui. I love you."
He let out a quiet "okay" before going in.