Chapter Text
Ace was watching Marco sitting in front of pops’ grave, probably telling him what happened the last two months since they buried their father. To say that Ace wasn’t having the best time of his life was an understatement. For starters, he felt extremely guilty about everything. If he hadn’t disobeyed pops’ orders, he wouldn’t have been arrested. But, and it was a big but, at the same time, if he hadn’t tried to hunt down Teach, that son of a sea witch would have gone after Luffy. And Ace would have never forgiven himself. But his little stunt cost him the life of his father and lots of brothers and sisters. It almost cost him Marco’s too.
So, summing everything up, Ace was an idiot and didn’t deserve his family. He didn’t deserve Marco. But, at least now he no longer felt like his existence was a burden for everyone. He no longer felt like he should have never been born. He felt loved and cherished. Even if he wasn’t getting better. Or so he thought. The self-loathing would take a lot of work to go away, and his issues would probably never disappear. But maybe he was getting better? Marco was… Marco has been so patient and helpful… He has been so caring towards Ace that sometimes he gets mad at him for not blaming him for everything. For not giving him the cold shoulder. But Marco stood by Ace’s side all this time, either when he was having a nightmare about Impel Down or Marineford or when he was having a panic attack at seeing pops’ chair empty.
Marco was smiling. Ace could see that clearly even from afar. He had that soft look in his eyes and was smiling so brightly. Ace blushed because he was sure that Marco was talking about him. Would pops have known that Marco had feelings for Ace? He hinted at something that day in the infirmary, but he didn't know for sure. Again, pops used to know everything, even before his sons did. Ace remembers how happy Marco was after that kiss that Trafalgar (ugh) interrupted. He laughed and smiled like they hadn't lost everything a few days before. Like he didn't almost lose a hand because of Ace. He smiled like Ace was the best thing that had happened to him. And Ace didn't know how to deal with that. It made him feel warm inside, loved. But his self-hatred was screaming at him to open his eyes, that if he got too close to Marco, he would lose him too.
So, being the little shit that he was, Ace listened and started to distance himself from Marco. Not a lot, in the end, Marco was his brother too, only for Marco to notice that he wasn't interested in a relationship (even if he was dying inside to be held by the phoenix again). But Marco, who was almost as stubborn as pops and Ace, was having none of it. For every step that Ace took back, Marco took two steps forward. No matter how much distance Ace put between them, Marco was making it shorter and shorter. Until the day that Ace snapped.
---
Ace was sitting in the crow's nest, enjoying the peace and quiet that you could only find at sea. But, also trying to get away from Marco. It was getting harder by the day. Not because Marco was being an asshole, he could never. But because Marco was being so patient and caring Ace was having a hard time denying his feelings.
Every time that Ace felt a panic attack, Marco was there to ground him. For every nightmare that Ace was waking up from, Marco was close enough to hold him. Ace had tried a couple of times to tell Marco that he didn't feel anything towards him and that what happened at the infirmary was a spur of the moment. Marco didn't believe him any of those times. He just looked Ace in the eyes, without saying anything and waited. Then Ace would groan and pout while stomping out of the room while Marco laughed wholeheartedly. Ace knew that getting rid of Marco would be an almost impossible task now that he knew how Ace felt, but he had to try. He couldn't let Marco die because of him. Just like pops, his mother and Sabo.
Marco's head popped up from the stairs "Ace-yoi Luffy's been looking for you" Ace sighed outwardly and spoke softly without looking at him.
"It's okay, I'll get down in a few. Thanks for letting me know." Marco stayed silent for a few moments.
"You good?" And Ace snapped.
"No, I'm not" He turned to look at Marco who was actually surprised at the confession.
"Why, Marco? why am I pushing you away with everything I have, and you keep coming to me? WAhy can't you take a hint? Can't you see that I'm trying to keep you safe? I'm the devil's spawn, I don't deserve to be alive. I'm only going to taint you. You'll get away from me, either because you'll get tired of me or because someone will take you away from me. Like pops, like Sabo."
At this point, Ace was panicking and full-on crying himself out, but Marco wasn't moving. He didn't move an inch. He kept his eyes trained on Ace's and stayed still while Ace cried and rambled for minutes on end about how he was undeserving of any love that Marco held towards him. Ace kept almost screaming, to the point that he was sure anyone on deck could listen to him, until he shut up and cried, weeping loudly with snot and tears running down his face. It was then that Marco pushed himself up the stairs and sat behind Ace, pulling him towards his chest and wrapping his arms around him, letting him soak his shirt with tears. All those tears that he hadn't shed for years. Until Ace fell asleep. And still, Marco didn't utter a single word.
Ace woke up sometime later, still wrapped in Marco's arms but didn't say anything. He kept quiet, listening to Marco's heartbeat and enjoying the warmth of his embrace, knowing that it was going to be the last time that he was held like this.
"I know that you're awake-yoi. You literally snore the whole time you're sleeping."
"That's literally not true."
Ace was pulling away frowning to look at Marco's face when he saw him looking softly at him smiling. The moonlight bathing his face made him seem ethereal and Ace's breath got caught in his throat along with his retort. Ace knew then and there two things. First, Marco was the most handsome man to ever exist, even more while exposed to the moonlight. And two, he was fucked. There was no way in hell that he could ever get over Marco, that he could push him away and keep living like before.
"Ace, I'll tell you this every day if it's necessary to drill it into your mind. I love you. I don't care who you are son of, I don't care about whatever bullshit your brain has been telling you for years-yoi. I know who you are. You are a man who is so selfless that was going to sacrifice himself to save his little brother. And that situation happened because you're so caring that you could stand no one badmouthing your father. because I don't care who your sperm donor is, Edward Newgate was your father as it was mine, Izou's and Thatch's. And you were there, being held prisoner for trying to avenge your brother because you care-yoi. Because you love. And would really be a devil's child someone like this? I think the fuck not." Marco moved a strand of Ace's hair away and smiled.
"Ace, you're you. You made yourself. You're Luffy's big brother, Whitebeard's son, Whitebeard pirates' second division commander and the love of my life because you are you. Because you decided to be how you are. Not because of your blood or because of whatever bullshit people said to you when you were a literal child. You deserve love and you deserve a family. And, most importantly, you deserve me ." Marco held Ace's cheek, stroking it with his thumb.
"And if you don't believe me, that's fine. I'll help you see it. I’ll keep telling you every day the same thing. I don't care if it takes years or days. I'll stay with you until you see how deserving of love you are. Until you see that no one's going to take me away from you because I'm not going to let go. Never-yoi. I’ll stay by your side until the end."
And there it was. Ace was throwing himself at Marco's lips again, kissing him with everything he had. Tasting his own salty tears but not caring, because Marco, somehow, had said every word that Ace needed to hear (and Ace knew that Marco would say them again and again every time that he needed to hear them). Marco only held Ace tighter and kissed him with everything he had, as Ace was doing. Trying to show in that kiss, how much love for Ace was held in Marco's heart.
---
When Marco was discharged by Trafalgar, Ace told Marco and the rest of the commanders everything that happened on Banaro Island. How he lost control when Teach mentioned capturing Luffy and how Teach’s devil fruit worked. Marco got visibly upset at that, fighting Teach it was almost impossible now that he even had pops’ devil fruit powers. In exchange, Marco explained what happened with his hand. How he didn’t even flinch at the thought and didn’t even regret making that sacrifice for Ace.
“I would do it again with no regrets-yoi.” Had he said that night when they were alone. And if Ace cried himself to sleep in Marco’s arms after, only they know.
A good thing about the events that unfolded in Marineford was Luffy staying with the remnants of the Whitebeards for the last months, which has also been extremely helpful for Ace. He missed his little brother since he sailed from Boa Kingdom, he missed him even more during his time in Impel Down. And he was thinking of Sabo more often. Would Sabo be disappointed in him if he knew that infiltrating Impel Down had cost Luffy 10 years of his lifespan? Would he punch Ace in the nose? Ace was spiralling down, he was merely conscious that his breathing was getting worse by the minute and the pressure on his chest was overwhelming. He had to take control back. He didn’t want to interrupt Marco’s time with pops or annoy his brother and his (hopefully-nothing-more) friend.
After breathing deeply a few times his heart and breathing started to calm and he sat down on a rock where he could still see both Marco and his brother but also far enough from pops’ grave. Which he hasn’t gone near since the funeral. He couldn’t. He didn’t feel good, or strong enough to face his father. He knew deep down that Whitebeard never blamed him. That he wasn't disappointed in him, neither before the war nor after. But his guilt didn’t leave him anywhere near him. Even if he knew that Marco was sad about that. He wanted to, he really wanted to go, sit by his father’s grave, and talk to him. Cry. Scream. Ask for forgiveness. But every time he took a step towards the grave with that intention, he had an anxiety attack. In the end, he just hoped for a time when he would be healed enough to sit by his father’s grave and drink some sake with him again and tell him all he wanted to say. But more than anything he wanted to talk to him about Marco.
The scar on Marco’s wrist was noticeable enough for Ace and it was a constant reminder of how much of a disappointment he was (for Marco it was a reminder of what he almost lost and that he would never let something like that happen again). But somewhere deep in Ace’s heart, he was so grateful to Marco for that sacrifice. For getting him out of that situation. For saving Luffy’s life too. Ace sighed outwardly and looked back at the ship where Trafalgar (or Torao as Luffy likes to call him) and his baby brother were talking. Too close for Ace’s taste (it was his baby brother after all. He wasn’t even of legal age! What was this Trafalgar guy thinking?).
Said brother was leaning his head in fucking Trafalgar's shoulder.
"Oi, you two, air."
Luffy pouted (and that was not going to work again, no sir) and Trafalgar had the audacity to blush, to fucking blush. Ace was going to have a stroke, either that or he was going to murder Trafalgar Law for potentially corrupting his baby brother.
He closed his eyes groaning loudly and got up, walking in the opposite direction of the two lovebirds. He wasn't paying attention to where was going, he was only thinking about how to make Torao disappear when he noticed that Marco's voice was getting closer.
"... Oh, pops, and Ace is getting better. I mean, as good as he can get given the circumstances, but he's been more of himself lately. In fact, the other day, he and Haruta..."
Ace tuned Marco's voice out. Was he really getting better? Did Marco really think that? Ace didn't feel that he was getting better, nor worse for a fact. He thought he was only... living. Sure, he felt happy when he was bantering with his brothers or when he was close to Luffy. He felt whole when he was in Marco's arms. But was that enough to say that he was getting better? Ace wasn't aware that he was still walking towards Marco, his voice getting clear again.
"... And you were right." Marco chuckled.
"Ace felt the same about me. Even if he has not actually voiced it or if he tried to push me away. Me? Can you believe it-yoi? As if I was going to let him get away again." Ace felt his cheeks getting red and made a protest noise in the back of his throat that made Marco turn around and look at him with wide eyes. And Ace stared back, only now being conscious that he was a meter or so away from pops’ grave.
Marco looked at Ace with caution and spoke his name softly. But Ace was just looking at his father's name engraved in the stone. At his naginata standing proudly in the back, with his father's jacket waving in the air. Marco’s hand in his pulled him out of his trance but Ace didn't look at him.
"Hi, Marco. Trafalgar was again too close to my brother, so I started walking and... well" he signalled the grave as if that explained everything.
"And how are you feeling now, spitfire?" Ah, Ace was blushing again. That term of endearment that only Marco used (because someone else would have been punched in the nose).
"I'm fine don't worry." Ace touched the stone and smiled sadly.
"Hi pops, it's been a while."