Chapter Text
"I forgive you," Aziraphale's voice broke, his hands half reaching out towards me before falling limp to his side.
My eyes studied his face, before falling down to look down at the dark glasses in my hand. My fingers toying nervously with the lenses.
A lashing of pain ripped through me, clawing deeply into my ribs like nails into dirt. The pain bolted all throughout me, zapping me again and again with its torturous continuation agony. Reminding me again and again that this was indeed reality and my dearest friend was choosing them over me.
"Don't bother." I hissed out, the agony ripping through my teeth.
I lifted my hand and slid my glasses back onto the bridge of my nose, letting myself have one final look at the teary eyed Angel that broke down in front of me. Every molecule in my body screamed to reach out to him, to comfort him, to do what I usually did and to save him.
Instead, I stood my ground and turned on my heel. The carpet let me move silently across the floor to the front door, the bell tinkling above it ringing it out loud, vibrating deep into my being as I reached out and pulled the doors open.
I didn't turn back as I stormed through the doors, stopping only when I saw a familiar face standing across the street. A smirk sitting perfectly presented on his smug face. My hands curled into fists but I said nothing, using deep breaths to contain my inner fury. My shoulders began to smoke but I rolled them back before turning away from the sight of the Almightys voice.
I strode towards my car, the Bentley sitting snug in its usual parking space. The reminder of yellow paint flashed across my minds eyes and I shuddered, as I reached her. I turned my.gaze back to the street, just in time to see Metatron walk into the Bookshop.
I turned back to face the bookshop, letting my hand reach for the roof for support, leaning on it slightly.
It wasn't all that long ago, it had been raining and I had been telling the Angel that I would not even think of him. The world had been ending then.
The bookshop was quiet for a moment before two figures emerged and the last shred of hope was ground under heel as Aziraphale followed Metatron to the nearest white doors. I raised my chin, taking a deep breath as I watched Aziraphale stall.
He turned his head slightly and our eyes met. My fingers tightened on the roof of the car. My heart thumped wildly before dying completely as Aziraphale turned away and stepped inside the magic doors with the voice of God.
I waited a moment, letting my gaze fall to the crack pavement before me. Closing my eyes, I counted to ten before turning my head to look inside the coffee shop. Nina waved with a polite smile, but my throat closed up.
Turning away, I opened the door to the Bentley and slid in. I turned her on, autopilot mostly taking over. Familiar music played over the radio and my heart clenched. For a moment, I listened before reaching across to turn off the radio. My eyes moved back to focus on the small splatters of water on the windshield. She was mourning too. Without another second to waste, I pulled away from the kerbside and melded into the traffic.
My fingers gripped the steering wheel tightly, eyes focused on the road in front as I wove in and out of Soho traffic. Pedestrians wandered like the entire world hadn't just imploded, and for them, it hadn't.
I shouldn't have said anything, maybe if I hadn't made it personal. Aziraphale would've stayed. Six thousand years of friendship had disappeared in a moment, a betrayal sitting low in my sternum. Countless miracles, millions of moments, thousands of lunches and dinners all gone within a blink of an eye.
My mind hurt, my eyes prickled until I could feel the warm wetness that trailed slowly down my cheek. I angrily brushed them away because there was no way in Hell I was going to cry about this of all things. Except the one tear turned into two and them they just kept coming.
I ripped my sunglasses off with a frustrated roar and through them towards the passenger seat. My hand smashed into the steering wheel as the road blurred. An agonising yell erupted from my throat as my hands gripped the steering wheel until my knuckles turned white.
I screamed, shaking the wheel, shaking myself back and forth until I grew hoarse.
It all meant nothing. Everything I'd felt, everything I thought he'd felt. Nothing. Sold out for a position that would use and abuse him until he was lost.
I'd lost him.
Why couldn't he see the toxicity of Heaven? Why couldn't he see that I had been standing right in front of him? Willing to help him, willing to always be right there. Hand reaching for him, always? Why would Aziraphale choose Heaven over me? After everything we'd been through, everything we'd felt?
I was betrayed, worse than that I was heartbroken and betrayed.
I had no one left on this godforsaken planet, no reason to stay. I didn't want Heaven, I didn't want Hell. All I had wanted was a cottage somewhere and forever with an Angel I knew.
The betrayal and hurt broke inside me, as I wiped at my cheeks and focused back on the road. The traffic had paid no mind to my breakdown, not caring to the fact that I was now the most unloved thing in the world.
I forgive you.
Not the three words I had been hoping to hear. I really had done it this time, I'd lost him and there was no getting him back.
Aziraphale had chosen Heaven and I had walked away broken.
He'd absolutely torn me apart.