Chapter Text
It was funny that years of training and hard work came down to a polygraph test.
“As you know, every person applying for a hero license must complete and receive a passing score on a polygraph test.”
The test wasn’t a surprise. Everyone knew a polygraph interview would be required to receive their licenses.
“The test is designed to help ensure that you are not only fit for active duty as a hero but also obtain pertinent details for the hero commission and your future employers to ensure you can carry out your responsibilities effectively. The purpose of this test is not to incriminate you.”
Bakugo raised an eyebrow in disbelief as he looked at the man across from him.
That wasn’t true.
He had nothing to worry about, but Aizawa had frankly informed them that they would dig and uncover as much information about them as possible. There wasn't anything off limits: background checks, financial transparency forms, drug tests, interviewing friends and family, checking social media, and beyond.
The interviewer gave him a non-committal shrug before continuing with the introduction. “I’m going to ask you a series of questions. The first set of questions will establish a baseline before we move into heavier questions.”
He knew that. They’d discussed how a polygraph test worked in multiple classes and studied their use.
“However, this will be slightly different from a standard polygraph exam,” he continued. “While most of the questions can be answered with a simple yes or no, I might ask you to elaborate or explain further. This line of questioning might feel conversational, but I urge you to remember that everything you will be of record and must be answered honestly. Do you understand?”
Bakugo barely resisted the urge to mutter “no shit” under his breath. “Understood.” He clenched his fist, squirming a little in the plush lounge chair.
“Once the exam begins, you are not allowed to leave until we have finished,” he continued with a firm nod. “Leaving the exam before it has been concluded will cause your score to be marked as inconclusive, which means you will be unable to obtain your license. Refusing to answer a question could result in an automatic failure. Deception could, also, result in an automatic failure.”
There was no way that Bakugo would allow years of hard work to come down to a pathetic lie. He had nothing to hide.
“I urge you to answer truthfully no matter how tempted you are to withhold information,” the examiner explained. “With this in mind, would you like to start the test?”
“Yes.” Of fucking course.
He nodded, signaling to the polygraph operator behind him. “My name is Mitarai Seikou. I will be the primary examiner for hero license applicant number 092-83674. Sano Ban will be acting as the secondary examiner. This test is being recorded and will be reviewed by a separate panel to corroborate any information uncovered and review the applicant’s behaviors during the interview.”
Students had been told that the test would be given to them by someone with a lie detector quirk of sorts while being hooked to a polygraph machine and being analyzed by experts in human behavior. The Hero Commission explained that they wanted to ensure the findings were conclusive. The more tools they used to measure an applicant, the more accurate the findings.
“It is January 17th, 2072, at approximately thirteen hundred hours,” he recorded before looking at Bakugo with a smile. “Let’s begin.”
Bakugo nodded, forcing himself to relax in the chair.
“What is your name?” Seikou questioned, looking up from his clipboard.
“Bakugo Katsuki.”
He nodded. “Age?”
“Seventeen.”
“What school do you attend?”
“UA High School.”
“Parents’ names?”
“Bakugo Masaru and Bakugo Mitsuki.”
“Alright. Good.”
This was gonna be a piece of cake.
Seikou nodded, making a note on the clipboard before meeting the teen’s eyes. “Tell me about your relationship with your parents.”
Or not. “Fine?” Bakugo wasn’t sure how to answer that question in normal circumstances. “My m-” He stopped himself as Seikou’s eyes seemed to glow. “The hag-” It was one of the few times he felt weird about the name he used to address his mother.
His mother knew that he didn’t mean anything by it.
In the same way, she called him an ‘ungrateful brat’ and a “little asshole’, Bakugo called her a hag in some twisted display of affection. “-and I knock heads because we’re unfortunately so alike.” It was hard for a lot of people to understand his family dynamic. “My old man is alright.” Bakugo was used to the disapproval.
Seikou hummed as he made some notes.
Though it was more alarming at the neutral response.
“Are you close with any other family members?”
He found himself wishing he could see what Seikou was thinking or at least what he had written. “Not really.” Other than the mandatory visits for holidays, milestones, and funerals, he didn’t really see other members of his family.
“Okay.”
Well, what the hell did that mean?
“What about friends?”
Bakugo blinked, shrugging a little as he turned his palms up as if he were shrugging.
“Tell me about your friends,” Seikou smiled.
“They’re morons,” Bakugo responded instantly.
Seikou chuckled with a nod as he looked down at the notes in front of him. “Tell me about them.”
This didn’t seem like the time to tell an employee of the Hero Commission about all of his friends’ stupid antics. As funny as it watch watching Kaminari and Kirishima trying to test out if rock type Pokemon would really be weak against electric types, Bakugo didn’t feel the need to relive it. “Not sure what to say.”
“Midoriya Izuku.”
Fucking Deku.
“You two have been friends since you were children, correct?”
Bakugo squeezed his eyes shut for a moment. “We weren’t fucking friends,” he muttered. “I was a little shit and he was annoying as fuck, but we’re kind of friends now I guess.”
“Who would you say is your best friend?”
There was no point in denying it. “Kirishima Eijirou,” Bakugo huffed, looking up at the ceiling. Thank the gods that the results wouldn’t be made public because knowing Kirishima, he’d have this statement framed and plated in gold.
“What about Uraraka Ochako?”
Bakugo felt his body stiffen as his head snapped to the interviewer.
Seikou raised his eyebrows as an amused smile made its way on his face.
His fingers twitched as he forced himself not to clear his throat. Bakugo knew that no single behavior could indicate something suspicious. “What about her?” he questioned, trying to sound uninterested.
“Is she one of your friends?”
“I guess.” That was true.
“Would you describe her as something else?”
Bakugo’s brows furrowed. “Aren’t you supposed to be asking me about what drugs I’ve taken? Or the drinks I’ve had at parties? Shit like that?” Suddenly he found himself ready to talk about his family.
Seikou laughed, “We don’t care about the two sips of champagne you’ve had at your parents' New Year’s Eve functions.”
That was oddly specific and accurate.
“And those questions would be a waste of time for you,” he continued, leaning back in his chair. “Normally, we don’t disclose the reasoning behind our questioning, but I have a feeling that we won’t get anywhere until I address this.” Seikou raised his chin, folding the clipboard to his chest. “We already know you don’t do drugs, drink, or steal.”
There was that time when he was six when his mother refused to give him money from the arcade, and he swiped some cash from her wallet.
“Asking you that would be a waste of our time and yours.”
Bakugo blinked.
“Based on what we already know about you, your family history, lifestyle, psychological evaluations- you’re considered low risk for that behavior,” Seikou informed him. “Add those facts to your history with the League and the series of events during your first year; you’re also considered low risk for criminal behavior.”
Well, that shocked the shit out of him.
Bakugo had prepared himself to be grilled about his desire to become a hero. Even after he’d proven himself ten times over, an overwhelming number of people still said it would only be a matter of time before he became a villain.
He couldn’t blame them.
He was aggressive.
Intimidating.
Violent.
Well, his words were violent. He rarely acted out on his threats unless he was against a villain.
The image he had cultivated was far from family-friendly.
“I have to say you’re one of the most transparent applicants I’ve ever interviewed,” Seikou nodded before turning his head to the side, “except when it comes to your personal life.” He narrowed his eyes at Bakugo.
“That’s a goddamn oxymoron,” Bakugo scoffed. How the hell is someone transparent and still private?
“Perhaps.” Seikou wasn’t going to argue with him. “But the Commission is curious about your relationships.”
“I’m not gonna compromise a mission because the hag wants to know if it's safe to go to the mall.”
“Funny enough, we’re not too concerned about that.”
That sounded like a trap.
“I don’t think anyone would blame you or any hero for telling their mother to stay away from danger,” Seikou reasoned. “Personally, I’m not a fan of morally gray questions with no objectively correct answer designed to trick someone. More importantly, this exam isn’t trying to trip you up. So-” Seikou lowered the clipboard. “-tell me about Uraraka Ochako.”
Bakugo didn’t believe a word out of that fucker’s mouth. “Her face is round.” But he didn’t have a choice.
“Her face is round?”
He nodded.
“Is that why you call her ‘Round Face”?”
“That isn’t fucking obvious?”
Seikou smirked, “You know what they say about assumptions.”
Bakugo was quite sure this guy was an ass without his help.
“Was that the first thing you noticed about her?”
“She-” What was the first thing he noticed about her? “First year, she threw a ball out of the damn stratosphere like it was nothing.” He remembered seeing her name after the entrance exam scores, but Bakugo hadn’t put it together until the Sports Festival. “And she nearly buried me alive at our first Sports Festival.”
Seikou’s eyes widened. “That’s an interesting introduction.”
“No.” What was so interesting about that?
“What was the first thing you noticed about Kirishima?”
Bakugo blinked. “Fuck, if I know.” Even though they had met at UA, it felt like he’d known Kirishima longer. “His hair is really fucking bright.”
“That’s why you call him ‘Shitty Hair’?”
What the hell did this have to do with him getting his license? “It’s a shitty dye job.” It had improved, but Bakugo still hated the obnoxious color.
“What about Todoroki Shouto?”
“What about him?”
“You call him ‘Scarface’, correct?”
In his defense, Bakugo had called Todoroki that before he knew and understood the history behind the scar. “Not when I’m in the fucking field.”
“Of course,” Seikou nodded. “We’re just curious about your use of nicknames for your classmates.”
“I’m not good with names.” That and he hadn’t bothered to make an effort to learn their names. “I had to call them something.”
“No one is criticizing your use of nicknames to identify your classmates. I will say that it’s interesting that you still use them, but,” Seikou shook his head as he stared at Bakugo, “it seems like all of the nicknames you’ve chosen for your classmates are derogatory except for Uraraka Ochako’s.”
The scratching of the needle on the machine suddenly seemed to echo in the room, ticking across the paper in hurried passes.
“Intially we thought the name ‘Cheeks’ was sexual, describing her-”
“What the fuck?” Bakugo yelled, feeling his hands begin to sweat. “How fucking old are you?! And you’re creeping on fucking high school girls! How the hell did you get a job working for the Commission, damn pervert!!”
Seikou held up his hands to stop him. “I’m not interested in your girlfriend-”
Whoa, the fuck! “She’s not my damn girlfriend!” Bakugo yelled, voice cracking like it had when he’d first entered puberty.
“May I ask why you’re agitated?” Seikou questioned calmly, picking up his pen and resuming his notes as if nothing happened.
“You were-” Bakugo waved his free hand around in front of him as if his gestures made sense. “-about Uraraka.”
“Why didn’t you call her Cheeks?”
“Huh?”
“You used her name this time. Why?”
“It’s her damn name.”
“You said you’re not good with names.”
“I know her name!” She had ensured he hadn’t forgotten it since that day at the Sports Festival.
“And yet you still call her Round Face, Maru, Cheeks, and-” Seikou paused, lips twitching. “Angel Face?”
Bakugo felt his face ignite in a hot flush. “So what?”
“You don’t deny using those names?”
“N-” Bakugo stopped the denial, biting his tongue almost painfully. He dropped his head, chin touching the top of his chest and giving a nod.
“Do you have feelings for Uraraka Ochako?” Seikou questioned casually.
Bakugo raised his head, snorting as a bitter smirk curled on his lips. “You’re seriously asking me if I have a crush on some chick in my class in a polygraph test for my hero license?” It was absurd.
But Seikou nodded seriously. “I am.”
Bakugo shook his head.
“On the surface, this seems trivial. Why would the Hero Commission be so invested in a high school crush?” Seikou scooted forward a little bit, looking Bakugo in the eyes. “It seems trivial, but it’s not. You’re not special; you’re not the first applicant we’ve grilled about their personal feelings.
We’re not asking about Midoriya Izuku because even though the two of you have a long, complicated history, you two are able to work professionally in the field without any incident. Over and over again, the two of you work seamlessly together.
Kirishima Eijirou, your best friend, is another person you’ve worked in the field with without incident. You’ve both witnessed each other being injured and endured quite a few close calls, but still you both were able to act responsibly and professionally. And yes, I am including your abduction. He and Midoriya Izuku did not engage with the suspects when they had the opportunity to.”
Aizawa really wasn’t kidding when he said the Commission did their research.
“And it’s pretty much the same story with other classmates. Todoroki Shouto, Kaminari Denki, Jirou Kyoka- I could keep going. However,” Seikou continued, “I’m curious to wonder what would happen if you and Uraraka Ochako were in the field together. The two of you have been amongst a group without anything significant, but what would happen if you witnessed her being injured? Would you be able to commit to that same level of professionalism?”
Bakugo didn’t say anything.
“While there has been nothing to directly indicate you wouldn’t, there are several things that contradict that assumption.”
The pulse of the needle along the paper increased.
“It looks like you have a soft spot for her.”
Bakugo clenched his jaw as the blood pressure cuff tightened around his bicep. He could feel his heart thudding against the back of his throat, making it hard to catch his breath.
“Out of all your classmates, why are her nicknames the least offensive? Almost cute?”
That was a rhetorical question. Well, it probably wasn’t, but Bakugo decided that it was so he was gonna keep his mouth shut.
“And, I’m not sure you realize this but,” Seikou started slowly, “you use her actual name more than any of your other classmates.”
“Her name is easy to remember.”
“Oh?”
Fuck. “When someone tries to bury you alive, you don’t fucking forget their name!” Bakugo barked, leaning forward before slumping back into his seat. “Goddamn it,” he hissed as he struggled to catch his breath.
The corners of Seikou’s mouth twisted down for a moment as he appeared to consider his answer. “Well then.”
The sound of the needle moving against the paper behind him whirled as the examiner behind Bakugo cleared his throat awkwardly.
Seikou sat his clipboard on the ground. He sat back in his chair, posture switching to something informal as he folded his hands in his lap. “Bakugo,” Seikou started quietly, “do you have a crush on Uraraka?”
Bakugo huffed, rubbing his forehead. “Fuck me.”
“Heroes are allowed to be in relationships,” Seikou explained gently.
“I fucking know that.”
“You’re allowed to have desires. It’s perfectly natural and-”
“No, no, no, fuck no ,” Bakugo muttered. Literally having his heart ripped from his chest was preferable to sitting through another sex talk. Bakugo had worked hard to forget his parents' oversharing in an effort to be sex-positive. He accepted that he’d have to live with the sight of Aizawa putting a condom on an oversized cucumber, but he wasn’t going to look back at the start of his professional career and be reminded of this.
Seikou sighed, nodded, and picked up his clipboard. “Alright.” He straightened up and started talking like the last few minutes hadn’t just happened. “We just want to know what to expect if the two of you are in the field together and something happens. While a heat-of-the-moment love confession in the middle of a combat or an injury would make your public relations team very happy, there is also a risk that your emotions could cause you to respond in a way that could compromise your career.”
They clearly didn’t know him. “I wouldn-”
“Just as we wouldn’t blame you for quietly telling your mother to stay away from threats, we wouldn’t blame you for reacting to the sight of someone you love being injured.”
The sound of the needle jumping sharply against the table made Bakugo gasp as his heart regulated itself once again.
“I’m not saying you wouldn’t be held responsible. There are consequences to your actions, of course. And the point of this and all the screening we do with applicants is to make sure we set you up for success,” Seikou informed him casually. “There are heroes who rarely work with family or significant others or friends because it can compromise their judgment. Outside of that, there are many other restrictions that can be put on a license and only lifted in a state of emergency.”
Bakugo considered the information.
Seikou huffed, rolling his eyes. “It’s not an official restriction. Nothing that gets formally printed with your license, I should say. We merely make a recommendation just in case you end up at the same agency as someone. As you know, you have to get a polygraph every few years, so these ‘restrictions’, these notes, can change.”
That made Bakugo relax a little. He didn’t need the world to know that he was madly in love with Uraraka before he had a chance to digest it himself. “I-” Bakugo’s mouth snapped shut, lips pressing together as his head twisted as if the words hurt him. “Fuck.”
Seikou sat patiently, subtly shooting a glance of amusement to the other examiner.
“I- She -” Bakugo forced the word off his tongue. “Uraraka, I-”
He couldn’t be the future Number One Hero if he failed to get his security clearance because he couldn’t man, woman, or person up to admit he was in love with the most badass girl he ever met.
“I fucking love her, okay?” Bakugo snapped, clicking his jaw shut with a growl.
Seikou nodded, smiling as he suppressed a chuckle. “We appreciate your candor.”
“This is bullshit.”
That was fair. “Indeed,” Seikou huffed, pretending to glance down at his form as he kept his eyes on the teen, “Uraraka confessed her feelings for you without hesitation.”
Bakugo’s jaw dropped, face going slack as the needle picked up speed again.
Seikou grinned, “Moving on.”
Fin