Chapter Text
Hongjoong started falling in love with Seonghwa the minute they met.
Seonghwa was introduced to the four trainees in the middle of their dance practice. Hongjoong first noticed how attractive he was. Not attractive in the traditional, standard sense; no, Seonghwa was boldly beautiful. His harsh gaze met Hongjoong’s immediately upon entering the practice room.
Hongjoong, sweaty and heaving from dancing, felt wary of the other. With each addition to their growing team, Hongjoong had feared that KQ would come to regret their decision to take on trainees. With Yunho, Mingi, and San, everything had worked itself out.
But Seonghwa?
Seonghwa seemed different.
After about a month of living together, though, Hongjoong would no longer be able to tell you why he had felt such dread.
Seonghwa took care of everyone, naturally filling into his position as the oldest in the group. He always knew when Mingi was feeling insecure, when Yunho needed a friend to talk to, and when San was feeling lonely.
Seonghwa’s smile could instantly lighten any rehearsal or lesson.
“I’ve already met my soulmate.”
Hongjoong nearly dropped the mug of tea he had been drinking. He could no longer recall how they got onto the topic of soulmates, but this was so far from where he could’ve ever imagined the conversation going.
“Does the company know?”
Hongjoong cringed, embarrassed that his first response was to go into leader-mode.
“No,” he sighed. Seonghwa shifted on the couch, turning to face Hongjoong better and tugging the fuzzy black blanket further around his body. “There’s no reason to tell the company. I don’t know who my soulmate is.”
Hongjoong must’ve made a face because Seonghwa continued to share.
“It was around when I first joined the company. I started seeing flashes of color every once in a while out of the corner of my eye. I know that is something everyone experiences,” Hongjoong nods, “but they started becoming more frequent. They were steady enough that I started to recognize colors. But…” Seongwha trailed off.
“But?”
“But I have no idea who it could be. A lot happened when I joined the company. I met so many new people, and by the time I realized what was going on, it was too late to figure things out.”
“That sucks,” Hongjoong said in response. He felt like he was a million miles away, a mere spectator to the conversation that he was a part of.
“I really honestly don’t know who it could be. I haven’t felt a strong pull towards any particular person since I’ve been here.”
Hongjoong was silent. His head was flying through countless scenarios, countless names and faces from the company, only coming back to one.
“Apart from you, of course,” Seonghwa joked, bumping their shoulders together.
“Yeah,” Hongjoong forced out a chuckle.
“I just can’t help but wonder who it could be. If I will ever know who they are.”
Hongjoong stared at the other. He had only one thought.
“But even if I never get to meet them, I’m glad they have come to love me. The world is really beautiful like this.”
Seonghwa, emerging from his black cocoon, stood up and stretched his arms out, allowing the blanket to fall back to the couch. He turned back towards Hongjoong.
“Well, this is too sad of a conversation to be having so late at night. We have practice early tomorrow, I’m gonna go to bed.”
Hongjoong muttered some sort of farewell. He felt like he couldn’t move.
Hongjoong knew that he was Seonghwa’s soulmate.
Hongjoong saw color for the first time a little over a year later, while filming the music video for Wave.
The group shots were done, and now the staff wanted to take individual shots. Hongjoong was seated with one of his managers, watching Seonghwa dance to their new song.
Hongjoong was entranced. He couldn’t help but stare at the way Seonghwa moved. With every closeup shot, he couldn’t help but wonder if Seonghwa would ever look at him that way.
Hongjoong didn’t even realize that Seonghwa’s filming wrapped up until the other glanced in his direction. Instantly, upon seeing Hongjoong’s silent observation, Seonghwa’s face lit up.
He strode over to Hongjoong, who was trying to compose himself so as to not let on that he had been staring at Seonghwa for some time now.
“What do you think, captain?”
“Yea-f course,” Hongjoong fumbled. “Yes, I mean. You looked great. I’m sure Atiny will love your parts of the video.”
Seonghwa beamed. “I think I—”
Hongjoong had stopped paying attention. Because out of the corner of his eye, way off in the distance, he had seen a shimmer of something.
At first, he assumed it to be some bird in the sky, but it persisted. He couldn’t look away, convinced that the moment he did, the mysterious thing would disappear. So he stared, and stared, and stared until his eyes could hardly distinguish the shimmer from the rest of the sky.
“Hongjoong, are you okay?” The concern in Seonghwa’s tone snapped him back.
“It’s fine, I just thought I saw something,” Hongjoong shook him off. “What was it you were saying?”
As the colors grew more vibrant and sustained over the next couple of months, Hongjoong knew that he had to say something to Seonghwa.
The elder was growing to love Hongjoong, that much was evident, and he didn’t know how much longer he would be able to hold everything in. It had been almost two years at this point, two years of Seonghwa knowing that his soulmate loved him but not knowing who his soulmate could be.
Hongjoong didn’t know, if put in the same situation himself, how he would be able to go about living with the same positivity Seonghwa clearly did.
But now was not the time.
Hongjoong knew that, being in New York for KCON, confessing his love to Seonghwa would not be good for them, the staff, the rest of ATEEZ, or anyone.
And besides, he had other things on his mind, like his work for the upcoming album. Or, you know, the massive performance he was about to put on.
After their music show win with Wave, Hongjoong was starting to feel like their little group was going to make it somewhere. He was certain that this performance could only grow their popularity.
Hongjoong was starstruck.
Although ATEEZ didn’t have their own dedicated lightstick, the crowd of people was still filled with thousands of waving lights in all different colors. Cheers and chants almost drowned out their own singing.
Hongjoong couldn’t imagine anything more beautiful.
And then, in the middle of Wave, all the lights seemed to die.
What had once been a crowd of colors became a sea of white and grey.
Hongjoong was almost concerned that they were getting an infamous black ocean, but the others were still dancing and singing as if nothing was amiss.
For the rest of their performance, the lights glowed dim shades of grey, and Hongjoong couldn’t help but feel his heart do the same.
It was obvious. Seonghwa was falling out of love with Hongjoong.