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Scar sat silently, counting the minutes until Grian was to return. He knows where Grian is at. It's the same damn place Grian has always been at. He fidgetted anxiously with his shirt, unbuttoning and rebuttoning it. A green life cheating with a red life. That definitely sounded an interesting arrangement.
He sighed heavily, glancing outside. It was going to get dark soon. As much Scar wanted to turn his back and not allow the avian into the home, he knew he couldn't just do it. He loves him. In fact, always kinda has. You can imagine his face when he found out they're soulmates...
And when he found out his soul bound wanted another.
Scar needed to bring it up to Grian, but Grian never seemed to be up for talking. It frustrated the hell out of Scar.
Scar had thought that they were together. Did Third Life mean nothing to Grian..? Well. He did say in Last Life it didn't mean anything. He made it pretty clear he wanted things to start anew..
Scar narrowed his eyes before standing. He should get some sleep. Grian might be late getting home and if he's not going to get sleep, Scar might as well. As soon as he was about to start walking away, he heard the door creek open and Scar turned to face the avian who walked in.
He felt his stomach drop seeing that happy smile on the others face fall upon seeing Scar. "You're awake" Grian commented. Scar opened and closed his mouth before saying "I couldn't sleep. But.. I'm going to sleep now. I'm... Tired again.."
He narrowed his eyes, digging his shaking hands into his pockets. "Sounds great. I'll be up soon.." Grian responded back.
Scar paused for a second before saying "How was your date with BigB?"
A heavy silence filled the room before Grian broke It by saying "It wasn't a date; just two friends discussing topics. Can't a guy just be friends with a red life?"
Scar knew he was lying. He's seen the way Grian smiles around BigB. How it always seems to drop the moment Scar even said a word. He knows Grian isn't happy with Scar.
"Of course." Scar said through gritted teeth. His heart was hurting so much and he wasn't even sure if Grian noticed. "You're more than allowed to have friends."
Scar knew he was jealous. He wasn't going to push that agenda onto Grian, no matter how badly he wanted to. He already answered his own question of whether or not Grian thought them to be together. Grian didn't.
"Glad we can make that clear" Grian said once again. Scar could feel his eyes burning Scar's skin. The way his eyes flick over every single molecule of Scar's body. He's reading for Scar's body language - something they both got used to doing back in Third Life.
It was why Scar thought they were still together..
Scar nodded silently, trying to avoid any eye contact with the other. "Is.." Grian started, taking a hesitant step towards Scar, but it fell short and silence floated in the room.
Scar could already hear what the question would be. 'Is everything okay?' Grian would ask and Scar would have to push everything down for Grian's sake. For them both to be happy...
Scar heard his voice crack a little as he said, walking away "I'm heading to bed now. Good night, Grian." This was all too much. He wanted to just hide away.Maybe he himself was the reason why they could never talk about the damn subject. Why it was always left to small snippy comments of jealousy.
"Not yet, Scar" Grian suddenly spilt out - like he needed to say it or else it would've killed him. Scar stopped in his tracks, scared to turn to face Grian. If he did, he wouldn't be able to fight the tears wanting to just spill out.
"I.." Grian started, Scar hearing him come closer. Grian continued his words "What... Makes you think I am cheating on you with BigB?"
Scar's stomach dropped. What.. Was Grian trying to do..?
When he didn't respond, he felt a hand on his arm and Scar turned to face Grian. Grian's eyes looked so.. Warm... Like he was genuinely interested in what Scar needed to say.
"I.. Have noticed you have been spending a lot more time with him.." Scar spat out, swallowing a lump in his throat. "How you gift him things and.. You smile so much. You look like you enjoy spending time with him.."
Grian's eyes grew sad at Scar's words and was going to say something, but Scar continued "I know.. Friends act like that around each other, but.. You've spent more time with him than with me. You're gone for hours at a time, like today..."
Grian narrowed his eyes before they shut, breathing in a deep inhale before letting it go. "I need to.." Grian started before twisting his hands into holding Scar's "I have to come clean about something. Something I.. Should've told you way before"
Scar swore he could feel his heart shatter. Grian was going to tell him that he was in love with BigB, wasn't he? He was going to announce he's leaving and-
"I'm scared to be around you" Grian admitted, cutting the thoughts that were spiraling around Scar's mind. Scar's eyes grew wide before they softened, his voice just as soft "What..?"
Grian quickly shook his head, squeezing Scar's hands "Not.. In the way I'm terrified of you. But.." He cut himself off with a sigh "More like.. I'm scared about hurting you again, like.. In Third Life..."
Scar reached forward and pulled him into a hug "Oh Grian..." He whispered as Grian continued on, his voice breaking "I look at you and ask myself why you're still here. I was the cause behind almost all your deaths that game. I lured that creeper behind you.. I.."
Scar heard him start sniffling and felt his shoulders rise and fall. He was crying... Scar pet his back, whispering soft sweet nothings to him "Hey.. No.. It's okay, Birdie.. It's all okay.."
"It's not okay..! I.. I killed you!" Grian breathed out between his tears "You should be terrified of me, but you aren't! You still smile at me like how you did back then.. You.. You act like I didn't win that fist fight!"
Scar narrowed his eyes before pulling from the hug, taking Grian's face in both hands. He wiped his tears with his thumbs as he said "I don't blame you for what happens in the games. It was down to me and you and we had to do what we had to do. I don't blame you for winning, in fact.."
Scar looked away from Grian as he admitted under his breath "I pulled my punches so you'd win.." Grian's eyes grew wide as he said "You did what..?"
Scar nodded and sighed "You deserved to win that game, Grian. You were absolutely amazing and the only reason I got that far was because you protected me through it all. I swore to myself that if it came down to me and you... You deserved to win."
"You.." Grian started and Scar nodded once again "Yeah." He whispered. Grian shook his head "No.. I.. You.." Scar shook his head "I started missing my punches a while in, G.. You didn't notice." Grian whispered "You willingly lost..? You made me think I won fair and square all this time..?"
"I didn't think it would affect you this badly, Birdie.." Scar whispered "All I knew in my heat fried brain was that you deserved to win and that you would be happy winning.."
Grian shook his head "I hated myself after I killed you.. I.. I just murdered my only companion during that game. You didn't think I wouldn't have grieved you..?"
"At the start of Last Life I did, but you seemed fine talking about it, so I assumed you were over it.." Scar admitted, kissing Grian's cheek.
"I wasn't.. I was just bottling the thoughts of what happened the game before through it all" Grian shook his head, remembering what the start of this conversation was supposed to be about "Which is why I turned to BigB."
Scar went quiet, urging him to continue and Grian did, swallowing heavily before he said "I.. When I found out you were my soulmate, all the thoughts I repressed during Last Life came rushing back and I couldn't stand the thought of being near you again. What if it came down to me and you again..? And.. I would have to kill you again..? I couldn't handle that.."
He looked away from Scar and continued "BigB happened to be nearby and... I started going to him for comfort. To get away from you so I could clear my thoughts of all that happened and just.. Be able to think properly."
Scar felt ashamed to even think that Grian was cheating on him with BigB. He felt like an absolute idiot.. He pulled his hands away from Grian's cheeks, resting them around himself
"I'm sorry for.. Thinking you're cheating with BigB.." Scar whispered and Grian immediately looked back at him, holding Scar's cheek "Hey.. I completely understand why you would think it. I.. I was just.. Suddenly talking to him all the time. Keeping away from you. I don't blame you for thinking that way"
Scar leaned into his touch and Grian hummed "At some point, I did think I liked BigB, but it was nowhere close to the truth.. I just enjoyed the fact he was there to listen to me, in a friend way. We aren't at all together."
Scar looked at him, murmuring "I'm glad you clarified it.." Grian nodded silently before Scar asked "What... Brought up this conversation now..?" Grian half chuckled, moving his hand to wrap around Scar's back "BigB. He... Noticed the way you would glare at me and told me I needed to eventually tell you.."
Grian sighed "So I decided right now..! You... Looked upset and you had been in a mood, making jealous comments about me cheating with him and I knew now would be best.."
"Glaring? I did no glaring" Scar jokingly scoffed, trying to lighten the mood. "Oh yes you did" Grian ruffled his hair "You looked like you were going to become chaos Scar"
Scar huffed "Well maybe I've been repressing chaos Scar, you don't know that" Grian chuckled "Uh huh. And what was burning down the ranchers home?" "Uh. They stole my horse, so. They deserved it" Scar said, flashing an innocent grin.
Grian raised an eyebrow "Right." Scar laughed and Grian shook his head "We should get to sleep now. Today's been a long day" He said, taking Scar's hand. Scar nodded in agreement and the pair left to go to their beds.
Scar crawled onto his bed and lazily sprawled out, hearing Grian moving about as he got ready for sleep. Thoughts were roaming all about his mind. Mainly about how relieved he is to know that Grian wasn't cheating with BigB.
He rolled in his bed, watching Grian get into his own bed. Tonight was a good night. He smiled a little and Grian noticed him staring. "What?" Grian asked, getting under his covers, a smile on his face.
"Nothing.. Just.." Scar smiled even more, turning to face the ceiling "I love you"
There was silence in the air before Grian broke it by saying,
"I love you too"