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- A Different Kind of Vow -
Biting_the_Sun
- o -
The Big Day.
Vows, speeches, ridiculously expensive flowers, obscure relatives and a legally binding contract.
But there were other days in Stiles life he considered Big as well.
The day he got his first pet, the day he met Scott, the day his mom died, the day his mom's Jeep was his to drive-
And the day he fell in love with Derek.
With the wedding encroaching, everyone had been referring to it as the ' Big Day' , and Stiles found resentment building towards the innocently overused word.
It was as if nothing else Big had occurred in his life, like the only significant thing in life was to settle down, and anything after wouldn't be deemed as important.
Maybe he didn't want his life remembered in increments. Maybe he didn't want specific events to weigh heavier than every other day of his life - the days he'd pushed and struggled through.
So despite today being kind of big, he won't let it eclipse him.
The door behind him opened softly, bringing in the sound of everyone else outside; chatting, laughing and excited.
The Sheriff walked in, then closed the door, muffling external sounds.
Stiles could still hear them.
"You alright son?"
Stiles noted one of the flower arrangements in the room had one less rose than the other bouquets.
"Yeah, I'm okay."
His dad looked unconvinced. "It's almost time. People will be expecting you back soon. Derek asked where you were."
Stiles rubbed and kneaded his hands, faced his dad, giving him a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. "Good crowd out there?"
His dad saw right past his deflection. "You know, if this is too much for you, you don't have to do it."
Stile's shoulders sagged. "I can't do that. Not today, not to him. Derek's happy dad. Genuinely happy."
"And what about you? Don't your feelings matter?"
He smiled a tired smile. "This is what he needs me to be. This is what I can give him."
The Sheriff sighed, looked equally tired in a manner a father would knowing he couldn't make things different. "Okay kiddo. I'll see you out there soon."
Stiles stayed inside for a few more minutes, adjusted his tie and tux and stared at his Lydia-styled hair in the mirror. The cards in his pocket screamed at him like an alarm which was overdue . He knew he'd have to face them now.
It was supernaturally sunny outside for a winter wedding.
The outdoor area was arranged with red and white roses. Derek had wanted a surprisingly traditional wedding with close friends and family, nothing too complex, and Stiles was happy to make it happen.
He made his way through the crowd of well-dressed guests and back to the main table in the room.
Derek was still seated in the centre, talking to those also seated at the main wedding party table. His usual stubble had been shaved in favour of a clean-shaved looked, his handsome face further distinguished by the sleek black tuxedo tailored to his form.
And Stiles could see.
Derek was happy. The past no longer weighed down on him to the point where he drowned in self-imposed guilt. He now had a future to look forward to, and a sense of hope he'd believed had extinguished in the fire alongside his family.
The man in front of him was a new man, a better man.
Then what am I?
Derek turned and caught Stiles looking at him, and smiled.
So Stiles walked back to the table, and sat in his designated seat beside Derek. Then, he took out the cards, smoothed out the crinkles set by his hands when he'd written them, stood up, and clinked his champagne glass with his fork.
The murmuring stopped, and all eyes were on Stiles. He cleared his throat, feeling clammy all of a sudden.
It was a good gathering. Families, closed friends and plus ones who all seemed to be having a genuinely good time. He scanned all the tables, passing over the centrepieces and flower arrangements, till he found his dad.
He dad nodded and smiled, giving him that last piece of strength needed to continue.
"I hope everyone is having a good time." Several people raised their drinks and replied positively.
"I know the chicken looks questionable - but I assure you it's cooked , and that the pink is only cranberry glaze for those unfamiliar with fancy cuisines." Small laughs came from the seated crowd.
"Well, potential food hazards out of the way, let's talk about a past hazard: Derek Hale."
Derek rolled his eyes and nudged his leg playfully.
"Now, we all know he wasn't always this chatty, or community driven as he is now. He wasn't always this open, friendly, and trusting. If someone had told me five years ago that Derek would write a best-selling novel about a group of teenagers who actually communicated, I'd have bet all my organs that would've never happened - and maybe that was the problem."
Everyone was silent, listening. Derek as well.
"Maybe we all shouldn't have given up so easily, so uncaringly. Maybe what he needed to become the person he is today was more assurances that everything gets better, and that it's always the darkest before sunrise."
Derek looked at him with eyes which said. ' You've never given up on me .'
"You've been in some dark places, gone through things I wouldn't wish upon my enemies, but you survived. Some part of you never gave in to the darkness."
He paused. "When I found out I had cancer two years ago, you gave me the strength to make it through my chemo treatments. You told me not to stay in my pajamas all day, and that I'd been rocking the close-shaved look for so long, being bald wouldn't be much different. Sure, it's not the same struggle as everyone thinking you were a serial killer a few years back - but dude, I'd have gone on a killing spree had you not rescued me from hospital food - no offense Melissa!"
He raised his toast to Mrs. McCall, and she smiled back warmly.
"But seriously, you never gave up on me, just like my dad and Scott, and our friends, you never gave up hope that everything would get better when I needed it the most."
His dad mouthed silently, 'I love you son' and Scott's smile beamed.
"I know I can be a pain in the ass - and my affair with your car will get between us sooner or later - but I want you to know I'm proud of you, proud of the man I always knew you'd become. I'm proud of what we have, and all the ways you've helped me overcome my demons. Also, kudos on writing a non-annoying protagonist who isn't romantically inclined with the first boy she sees. Like seriously. That's a breath of fresh air in the literary world."
More laughs, while Derek blushed at his compliment.
"So this is me, telling you, thank you , and that I'll never give up on you, never abandon you in your darkest moments, and that I'll try to repay back the kindness you've shared with me. This Stilinkski has got your back - now and for always. Except if you touch my Mets card collection!"
"So to end this speech, congratulations on no longer being a sourwolf, and getting married!"
Stiles looked over to Braeden, sitting in a stunning white gown on the other side of Derek, their fingers intertwined.
"I wish the both of you eternal happiness and literary sequel success ! A toast to the married couple!"
Cheers were given, champagne was sipped and the applause was loud.
Stiles smiled and nodded in thanks, then sat down, let out a small breath of air he didn't realise he'd been holding in, and fiddled with his napkin. Derek placed his hand on Stiles arm, and squeezed gently. "Thank you."
Stiles placed his other hand on Derek's, and squeezed back. "Yeah yeah , now go dance with your new wife." Derek laughed.
The rest of the evening was bathed in sunset tones, painting the dancing guests in rich golden hues.
Stiles stood next to one of the huge oak columns holding up the giant outdoor pagoda, and felt the beginning of evenings chill. No one else seemed affected. Perhaps he was the only one feeling the cold.
Derek was dancing with Cora, his dad was dancing with Melissa, and Scott and Kira were wrapped up in their own world.
Stiles hadn't danced yet.
Then Derek was walking towards him, and when he reached him, his hand was held out.
"Dude, you sure you want to dance with me? Because my two left feet are not prejudiced, and will hurt you regardless of today being your Big Day."
Derek just laughed in amusement at Stile's quirks. Stiles heart tightened. "Braeden made me take dancing lessons, so I think my feet will be fine. Besides, I haven't danced with you yet."
Stiles couldn't say no. Not today. Not to Derek.
They reached the dance floor with hanging faerie lights. The music changed to a slow tempo, and others began slow-dancing with their partners.
Derek placed his hand easily on Stiles waist, and all Stiles could feel was the heat of Derek's hand melting into his skin through his suit.
They danced slow for a few seconds, then Derek spoke. "Thanks for helping with today - with the last five years really."
Stiles could feel his heart race. The remaining sun light hit Derek's eyes, making them seem more gold than hazel. They were beautiful in the way the sun was - warm, bright and painful to stare into.
He felt constricted, felt trapped in a room and situation he'd imagined before, where this dance was their First Dance, where today was their Big Day.
And today was a big day. For all the wrong reasons.
Today, Stiles still made his vows, shared his devotion, but still wouldn't get a happily ever after. Derek could no longer be his.
Derek's brows lowered in concern. He knew him to well. "Hey, what's wrong?"
Everything.
"Nothing. Just tired from being awake since 5am sorting flower arrangements for your wedding and getting pricked to an inch of my life ," he joked, brushing aside Derek's concern.
Derek stopped dancing. "Stiles, I know a lot will change, but it won't change us. We'll still be us. I'll always make time for you, and you know Braeden adores you as well."
Stiles quirked his eyebrows and smiled, hiding the turmoil within. "Well who wouldn't adore me. I'm like the bestest Best Man of all time." Then he looked at Derek and spoke honestly. "I hope today was everything you wanted."
Derek leaned in, smelling of pines and mints and warmth, and pulled out one rose from within his waistcoat.
The missing rose from the change room.
Not a red rose, but a white one.
Derek brought it to Stiles suit, and as he pinned it onto the front, he said, "You are the best, Stiles.
The next thing Stiles felt were Derek's arms around him, holding him tight.
Stiles closed his eyes, brought his arms up to cling onto Derek, and for a second -only one- let himself pretend that today was their Big Day, that all these guests were their guests, that they shared identical golden bands on their lefts hands, that Derek did love him back -no don't go there-
-then he let go.
He looked at Derek, took in his features one last time - in a way he'd never allow himself after today - and prepared himself for goodbye. He thought back on the first thing he'd said to Derek when he realised he was in love with him. A beginning and an end.
"You're some kind of awesome, Derek Hale. Thanks for being in my life."
Derek's smile was unreserved, big and all-encompassing, as if Stiles words were everything he wanted and needed to hear. It wasn't fair .
But then Derek hugged him again, and his next words seared into Stiles neck and very being.
"I love you Stiles. Thank you for everything."
Something in Stiles chest - some barrier he'd built - shattered. And as the flood poured through the cracks, as his eyes grew wet, and as the sun finally set, Stiles managed his first real smile that day.
Because today was a big day.
Today Derek loved him back.
It may not have been the same kind of love, the same adoration or heat, but Derek was still giving Stiles something equally unconditional and priceless.
A different kind of vow.
Stiles looked down at his white rose beaming bright against his black tux, touched its delicate and soft petals, and looked back up at the man who'd eclipsed his life in every way, yet still offered light.
Maybe it would be enough.
"I love you too Derek."
.
.
.
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A/N Thank you for reading! This one-shot is the first in a series of three. Comments and Kudos are greatly appreciated!
Next installment in this universe : A Different Kind of Truth (coming soon)
Come say hello on tumblr! ----> http://biting-the-sun.tumblr.com/
Thank you for your readership,
Biting_The_Sun