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A chill passed through the autumn night, causing the sakura tree’s winding branches above Rin’s head to rattle loudly.
Stray leaves shed down and fell onto Rin’s hair from where he sat hunched over their bricks. He let the leaves nest in his thick maroon locks, barely noticing them.
Winter was rapidly approaching and the seaside town had been battered by cold fronts since Rin had returned to Iwatobi, with Haru and Makoto.
Rin didn’t know for how long he would stay in Iwatobi. He was here with Makoto to stay with Haru, for as long as he needed before he started to feel well enough to return to Tokyo.
After being in the hospital for almost a month, neither of them were taking any chances when it came to making sure Haru was okay.
Nobody had been affected more by the chaos after the Fukuoka tournament than Haru himself.
Rin couldn’t blame him in the slightest. His heart hurt for Haru every day. He was doing everything he could to help him, and yet hated himself for his inability to do more.
To suffer such a serious medical crisis, to be stuck for almost a month in a sterile hospital filled with overstimulating lights and prodding doctors, only to emerge into a world of more flashing lights and imposing chatter as he was hounded by reporters left and right.
Tokyo had become Haru’s personal hell, and no matter how fiercely himself or Sousuke tried to protect their teammate from the media, the endless barrage of rumors and invasive questions regarding their historic victory, and Haruka’s historical collapse in front of millions of onlookers, was simply too much.
But Haru had surprised Rin. For someone Rin had always expected to run from even the slightest inconvenience, Haru had stood his ground against a situation that was surely agony for him to endure. Rin wished he would’ve felt pride, but he had only felt more worry.
In the end, it had to be Rin and Makoto that ultimately convinced Haru to return to Iwatobi for the time being. The two of them had to practically smuggle Haru out of the city, taking refuge in their rural hometown until the storm of intrigue from the sports world in Tokyo died down.
Makoto, who looked to be in a constant state of jitteriness since Haru’s hospitalization, had hoped that a return to Iwatobi and to his grandmother’s house would be enough to return Haru to any sort of normalcy.
But to Rin, it only seemed to worsen matters. Being at his late grandmother’s house for his twentieth birthday had filled Haru with an incomprehensible sorrow that Rin couldn’t even begin to understand.
Haru had put on a brave face for the party, but that night, Rin had woken to check on Haru, only to hear the unmistakable sound of him crying in near hysterics. The sight of Haru, the picture of cold stoicism in Rin’s mind, curled up on his grandmother’s old bed like a frightened child was burned in his brain forever.
He knew Haru didn’t know he had witnessed it, and Rin hadn’t spoken a word of it. He wasn’t sure if he ever would.
He was too much of a coward to want to know the depths of Haru’s grief, knowing his own grief would bubble back to the surface and congeal into Haru’s own. He hated himself for that weakness most of all.
A loud groan drew out of Rin’s mouth as he let himself fall backward against the soil underneath the sakura tree. He closed his eyes tight, one hand drawing up his forehead as though he were a fatigued Victorian maiden.
You said you’d be honest.
You said you wouldn’t try to be cool anymore, you lying son of a bitch.
So why won’t you?
Why is it so hard for you to talk to Haru about these things?
You’ll hold him like you did, you’ll spend a month living in the hospital for him, you’ll move back to Iwatobi for him… but you can’t talk to him?
What the fuck is wrong with you?
Do you even really love him at all—
“Are you pretending to be dead, Rin?”
Rin’s favorite activity of insulting himself in his head was interrupted by Haru’s unimpressed cadence above his head.
His eyes flew open to see Haru standing directly over him, peering down at him like he was observing a bug on a sidewalk.
“Augh—!” Rin gasped, shooting upward into a sitting position. “Haru?! How did you get all the way out here?”
Haru blinked very slowly, like a cat would. “Walked.”
“No, I mean—” Rin sighed, swiping his hand over his hair hurriedly and feeling oddly embarrassed for Haru to be seeing his hair with it so tangled with leaves.
“Damn, you know what I mean! What are you doing out here so late?! It’s like, two in the morning!”
“I woke up and you weren’t in the house.” There was a hint of a scowl on Haru’s face. “I knew you’d be here.”
“You came looking for me in the cold for that?!” Rin blanched, rubbing the back of his sweaty neck with his hand,
“Shit, Haru, it’s not—it's not like I live with you.” Embarrassingly, the words caught in Rin’s throat.
“You and Makoto have been staying in my house since we came back to town,” Haru pointed out curtly. “So you might as well be living with me.”
Rin’s fingers dug into his neck subconsciously as he exhaled with a dry chuckle, trying to play off his nervousness and save face.
“Well, what, am I not allowed to leave?”
“You can leave. But I can come looking for you.”
A somewhat tense silence lingered between the two men before Rin groaned in defeat. He glanced up at Haru and felt concern flicker onto his face as he noticed Haru was wearing only a cotton shirt.
“Oi, you came all the way out here in that?”
Haru suddenly narrowed his eyes, looking offended. “What’s wrong with what I’m wearing? Are you Kisumi?”
“N-no, I mean,” Rin started to hurriedly shrug his coat off. “Aren’t you cold?”
“Here,” he said, holding his coat up to Haru.
Haru looked away bashfully. “Keep it on. I don’t need it.”
“Haru, c’mon,” Rin’s voice was exasperated as he put his hands on his knees and stood up.
“I’m not letting your body catch a cold after all it’s been through. Put it on.”
Haru’s eyes turned back around to glower at Rin. “Don’t treat me like a frail old man.”
“Then put the coat on, jii-san.”
“Oi—Rin!”
Haru’s voice turned into irritated huffing and puffing as Rin strode forward, pulling Haru close to him by the arms and forcing the warm red coat over his head. His hands worked fast against Haru’s wriggling to slip it down his torso.
Rin used to be so hesitant and embarrassed, perhaps even afraid of touching Haru, even in rare moments of playfulness between the two.
He had always kept Haru at a sort of arm's length, never because of Haru himself, but because of his own weakness.
But ever since Haru had collapsed into his arms after his race with Albert, well—things were simply different now.
Once Rin’s coat was securely on Haru’s body, he gave his friend’s sides a playful pat before stepping back.
He couldn’t suppress a giggle at the sight of Haru, looking like a pissed-off toddler swaddled in a puffy coat.
“Hehe. You look cute, Haru—” The word instantly strangled itself in Rin’s throat as he said it without letting it pass through his filter of shame.
FUCK! Who says that about their friend?! Now he’s going to think I’m being a fucking freak about him wearing my coat!
Rin’s racing heartbeat only quickened further as the ghost of a smile flickered onto Haru’s features.
“It looked better on you.” Haru said simply before stepping past Rin, ignoring his flustered expression.
Haru stopped in front of the tree and peered up at it, an unreadable look in his eyes. He shoved his cold hands into the fluffy pockets of Rin’s coat as naturally as if it had always belonged to him.
“What were you doing out here, anyway?” He asked softly, looking over his shoulder at Rin.
“Me? Uh…” Rin struggled to get his nerves back, swallowing thickly. He felt utterly humiliated, out here with Haru stuttering like an anxious schoolgirl in a way he never quite had before.
Trying to salvage his dignity, he walked back over to the bricks and plopped down in front of them.
“Came out here just for some time to myself, I guess.” Rin said coolly, wrapping his arms around his head and stretching out a little.
“I guess you can't hear it since you started sleeping in your grandma’s old room, but that Makoto has started snoring like a freight train.”
Rin found himself beginning to ramble as a way to mask his anxiety.
“Honestly, I’m a little worried. He’s never snored like that before, has he? Maybe his tongue is just getting too damn big… er, I mean…”
Fuck’s sake, who says that? Why am I being so weird tonight?
Haru blinked down at Rin. “Am I bothering you?”
“E-eh?” Rin removed his arms from his head, looking up at Haru in bewilderment.
Haru’s expression was unreadable. “Am I bothering you?” He repeated calmly.
“N-no!” Rin wasn’t able to control the shocked volume of his voice. He hadn’t expected Haru to ask that, or even worry about something like that at all.
“Haru, you… you don’t bother me.” Rin emphasized seriously. He felt anxious to wipe the idea from Haru’s head. A part of him felt upset at the idea that Haru even thought that at all.
He bit his lip. “You don’t… think you bother me, do you?”
To Rin’s dismay, Haru hesitated for a moment before his eyes averted.
“...No.” Haru promised after another moment. His gaze turned back to Rin. “But you said you came out to have time to yourself.”
“W-well, yeah, but…” Rin was quiet for a heartbeat as he struggled to get his words together. “But it’s fine if you’re here, Haru, I…”
He took a deep breath in frustration at his mind’s instinctual urge to act cool despite his promises from before.
“Haru, I like being around you.” His pale red eyes were earnest when they looked up at his friend. “Really, I do. I wish we could do it way more than we do.”
Rin felt relief as Haru’s unreadable expression disappeared, a soft look replacing it.
“Rin… I do too.” Haru meekly smiled at him, and Rin’s chest tightened in the same way it always did at the sight of those damned little smiles.
The two were silent for a moment before Rin scooted to his left a little. “Oi, come sit with me.”
“It’s a little weird for us to be talking with you just standing there, don’t you think?” He grinned good-naturedly up at Haru.
Haru hesitated for a second before giving a small agreeable nod, walking over to Rin and sitting down directly beside him on the bricks.
Their closeness meant their knees were gently touching. Rin cursed himself at the instant butterflies stirring in his stomach at such a normal thing that most people would think nothing of.
The pair was quiet for a time before Haru broke the silence, his eyes glancing down between his legs.
“...We’re sitting on each other’s bricks.”
“U-uh, we are?” Rin craned his neck over himself to confirm. Sure enough, he was sitting on Haru’s “free” brick. He felt a surge of embarrassment.
“Sorry… do you want to switch?”
To Rin’s surprise, Haru tittered unexpectedly with a closed-eyes smile, a sight that made Rin’s heart utterly soar.
“What, do you think I’d be mad at you for sitting on my brick?” Haru’s voice was light-hearted, clearly finding the idea funny.
Shit, how am I supposed to know when you’re such an unpredictable guy? Rin thought bashfully, but the way Haru giggled gently caused an uncontrollable grin of glee to spread over Rin’s face.
Rin began to giggle along with Haru before it turned into a full-blown laugh, not even sure what he found funny but too giddy at the feeling of laughing with Haru to care.
He had never felt so happy to be teased.
After a while, once they were finally done giggling, Rin leaned back a little. He smiled up at the stars above their heads. He felt a lot more content and relaxed than he had been, even before Haru had come.
The two shared a comfortable silence before Haru spoke again with a thoughtful hum.
“It’s been a long time since we’ve been here together.”
Rin glanced at Haru in surprise. His face fell a little at the mere thought of the unpleasant memory.
“Yeah… last time was…”
He trailed off. Shame flooded his veins, and he felt uneasy at the memory of Haru’s piercing cold eyes filling his vision.
“...I’m sorry.” Haru’s quiet apology broke through Rin’s bitter memory. Haru’s expression was sullen, his eyes unable to meet Rin and instead staring at the pavement beneath them.
“H-huh?” Rin stammered. “What for?”
“For everything… everything I said last time.”
“Haru… no.” Rin’s fingernails clenched into his jeans. “I told you that night at the pool not to be sorry, didn’t I? I’m the one who didn’t—”
“It doesn’t matter what you did.” Haru’s eyes hardened seriously when they glanced up to look at Rin. “It doesn’t change what I said.”
“But what you said was true.” Rin stressed, his brow furrowing. “I was angry because I didn’t expect it—didn’t want to hear it.”
“I said it to hurt you.” Haru turned his gaze back to the pavement, reaching out and taking a stray twig to idly twist between his fingers.
Rin frowned deeply as he also looked away. “That doesn’t matter to me. I needed to hear it.”
Unexpectedly, Haru reached his hand out to forcibly grab Rin’s wrist, the sudden movement causing his friend’s eyes to turn back to his face in surprise. Haru leaned closer, a flash of anger crossing his expression.
“Rin, I don’t…” Rin could see Haru visibly grit his jaw. “I don’t like hurting you. It hurts me to hurt you, so…”
Haru’s face softened. “If you won’t let me be sorry for anything else that’s happened, can I at least be sorry for that? ”
Rin could feel his eyes practically melting under Haru’s soft, watery eyes, at his normally cool and calm voice now wavering with uncharacteristic feeling.
Without thinking, and without the voice of fear in his head, he reached his hand out to grip Haru’s hand holding his wrist.
Their fingers knotted up together, fitting like puzzle pieces. Rin squeezed him, tighter than he intended to.
“Only if you let me be just as sorry for every time I hurt you.”
Haru huffed, but Rin could feel him very, very softly squeeze back.
“You can’t be just as sorry. I’ll be more sorry than you, Rin.”
“Please,” Rin gave a teasing snort. “I have so much more to be sorry for. You’re way outnumbered.”
“Well, I’m more sorry about my one thing than everything you are sorry for.”
“Oh, yeah? Just wait until we’re in Athens. I’m going to be doing nothing but being so sorry, that you won’t even know what sorry is.”
“Well, I’m not going to race at Athens, because I’ll be too busy apologizing.”
“Hah! I’m not even going to Athens, actually. I'm staying home and writing you apologies.”
Haru’s mouth worked, trying to come up with a counter. Rin finally let out a playful laugh.
“Hell, what are we even talking about?”
The next smile on Haru’s face was wider than Rin had ever seen him smile before.
The two fell into another comfortable silence, their hands still interlocked with neither willing to make the move to untangle their fingers.
This time, it was Rin that broke the silence. “Hey…” he began softly, taking a deep breath as he turned his head. “Haru?”
When Haru met his gaze, Rin squeezed the hand wrapped in his fingers again, more gentle than before.
“I’m glad I met you.” His voice instantly strained with the emotion of his honesty, but for once, he didn’t care, barely even noticing.
“Thank you… for letting me be here with you.”
Haru stared at him, his blue eyes widening noticeably. His mouth worked as his frame stiffened like a deer in headlights, in a way Rin hadn’t expected him to look.
Rin felt his heart quicken in alarm, instantly worried that he had said too much, been too bold.
His mouth opened, but just as did, Haru sprang forward unexpectedly, his arms throwing roughly around Rin’s neck as if he were a lifebuoy in a typhoon.
It was Rin’s turn to completely freeze up as he felt Haru’s lips press hard against his cheek.
The pair stayed like that for several heartbeats before Haru withdrew his lips with a soft noise, but kept his chin resting on the crook of Rin’s neck.
Haru said nothing at all, but his breathing was quick and husky, unmistakably battling tears. Rin could feel the black-haired swimmer’s body trembling slightly, pressed so close to him.
Rin’s hands roped tight around Haru’s back, and he crushed his face into his own puffy coat on Haru’s shoulder, feeling hot tears of pure feeling easily slip from his eyes.
Another harsh gust buffeted the two, but entangled so close to each other, they hardly felt the cold wind.
But even with the strong breeze, the sakura tree held onto its leaves, only swaying gently in the night.
