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It started with a headache.
A sore throat.
And then the dreaded cough.
Dick tried to push through because he didn’t miss school, it wasn’t an option and it would never be an option… ever. So as he clumsily fixed the tie for his uniform he bit back a cough to not alarm Alfred. “Master Bruce will be home today,” Alfred said as he handed Dick his jacket.
“Oh?” He hated how congested he sounded.
Alfred’s brow raised, he seemed to have noticed. “He’s got the flu.”
Uh...
Well damn, maybe he shouldn’t have stolen Bruce’s mug of coffee the other night. Did Bruce get him sick? “I hope he feels-” Before he could finish his sentence it finally happened. The cough he tried so very hard to suppress escaped and he found himself experiencing an unfortunate coughing fit, the kind that made you feel like the layers of your throat were being ripped off.
Alfred stepped back and Dick immediately covered his mouth with his elbow. “I’ll inform the school you will be absent.”
Dick’s eyes widened, “Alfred no!” His voice hoarse, “I have to get perfect attendance if I don't Barbara will have all the bragging rights and-” And another coughing fit, glorious. God bless January and its lovely illnesses.
Alfred’s eyes narrowed and he couldn’t tell if that’s what gave him the chills or the possibility of it being a fever. He’d assume both, Alfred’s glare brought the fear of God into anyone. “Okay…” and truth be told he’d like to lie down, everything hurts.
While it was nice to just stay in bed and do nothing it got incredibly boring after an hour or two. Dick liked to be on the move or at least have someone to talk to and he didn’t want to get Alfred sick, Wally was at school so he couldn’t call and pester him. That meant Bruce would be his only entertainment for the day and Dick doubted he’d be much fun, for a man who’d get shot, bones broken, and thrown off buildings he really turned into a mess when he got sick.
‘twas the dreaded man cold.
So he soon made his way to Bruce's room, he softly knocked before cracking the door open.
“ Venessa, I'm leaving you for your mother.”
“No Stan, how could you! I adopted a Baby from the North Pole, we were supposed to have a family!”
Dick’s brows furrowed, “What are you watching?” He asked, Bruce sat in bed stuffing his face with goldfish crackers as he was completely engrossed in the strange show on his tv. Bruce just slowly looked at Dick and he seemed almost embarrassed that he’d been caught watching…
Whatever that was.
He cleared his throat, “The Ties That Bind.” Dick just walked closer, hands shoved in his sweatshirt pocket. “It’s the season finale, so if you’re going to stay in here….keep it down.” Bruce turned his attention back to the TV and continued to munch on the goldfish crackers. Dick stood there at the edge of the bed, he debated going back to his room or maybe even to the cave. But he found himself sitting next to Bruce, he was already here.
While the show looked stupid and boring, it’s not like Dick really had anything better to do.
“Stan!” The woman fell to her knees, “You cannot marry my mother!” The man turned his back to her and a tall blonde woman walked into the room and dramatically flipped her hair. “You RAT, you TRAITOR!”
“Oh Bethany, I’m not your real mother.” Her hand tore a mask off her face revealing a person with an eerie resemblance to Bethany. “I’m your long lost secret EVIL twin!”
Roll credits.
“I can’t believe it,” Bruce muttered, “I didn’t see that coming.”
Dick sat there frozen, what the hell. “That was the stupidest thing I’ve ever seen,” he replied. “Who wrote this?” Bruce shrugged got out of bed and stretched.
“If you watched it from the first season it would make sense.” And without another word he left his room, presumably going down to the cave. Dick stayed put and moved to Bruce’s spot and grabbed the remote and closed out of the episode, looking for the first season.
Well….once again.
It’s not like he had anything else to do.
****
His eyes were on fire.
Dick blinked and rubbed his eyes, he’d been watching that show for the entire day and night. Bruce never returned so he assumed he either was working on going through reports or went out on patrol. Alfred had come earlier to summon him for something to eat but Dick wasn’t hungry, no he was hungry for more of these episodes.
He’d made it through the entire first season and now was starting on the second, but he forced himself to get up and go to his room. He was feeling so much worse and it was probably from the whole binging an entire first season while sick and not getting up to eat. So after eating the leftover soup Alfred had made for him he went to bed and slept.
The next morning he was still running a fever so Alfred called the school again and this time Dick didn’t complain, no he went right back to Netflix and continued watching the show.
Stan grabbed Bethany’s hand and the two walked down the boardwalk, “Beth I…I’m not the right man for you, I’ve got dark angsty secrets.” Beth shook her head, “Beth I’m serious It’s so angsty and so full of secrets. You’ll never be able to be happy with me.”
“Stan you’re the one for me, that’s what the paper fortune teller told me.” She pulled one out of her pocket, “What’s your favorite color?”
Stan stopped walking, puzzled. “Black…like my soul.”
“Cool.” She flipped it open, “Four….” She moved the fortune teller, “Ah see here, it says you’re destined to marry me and have all my kids.”
“Well, I cannot argue with that.”
“Ah, that’s my favorite episode.”
Dick jumped, Bruce was standing in the doorway. “Oh…it’s okay,” he lied. He totally wasn’t obsessed or anything, no way. “Why do you even like this…stuff? I didn’t expect it from you.” He always thought Bruce liked crime-centered shows, like Forensic Files or something.
“Everything else is predictable, I can figure out the plot in seconds and it gets boring. This show…it’s so absurd I couldn’t figure it out even if I really tried,” he replied.
Oh, that made sense.
“Mind if I join you?”
Dick smiled and scooted over, “Not at all.”
****
By the time he was over the flu and went back to school, he’d nearly finished every single episode, he just had the rest of the last season and he’d have to wait until the next one came out. “You lost,” Barbara commented as she took a seat next to him in the lunch room. Dick just frowned, “Sick?” She asked.
“Flu,” he grumbled.
“You don’t look any better.”
“I was up all night,” he replied, “Bruce got me hooked to this stupid show, so I binged the entire series.” Wasn’t his proudest achievement but he didn’t normally get time to watch shows on Netflix and just lounge around. So in a way, it was nice to just rot in bed for a few days, even if it left him feeling pretty sleep-deprived. “It’s called The Ties That Bind.”
Her eyes lit up, “I love that show, my dad and I watch it every Sunday together.” She grinned, “Have you got to the Ratman subplot yet?”
“Ratman?”
What on earth?
“Oh shoot, forget I said that.” She looked down at her lunch, “Just let me know when you get to that because boy, do I have a lot of theories…. it's similar to how Gotham has Batman and..” Her mouth snapped shut again, “There I go again, almost spoiling it for you.”
“That sounds so stupid tho, Ratman?”
“Just wait till you hear the sidekick's name.”
The moment he got home he tossed his bookbag aside flung himself onto his bed and turned the TV on, shoes still on. He needed to find out what Barbara was talking about. The suspense was killing him, he had to use all his self-control to not run to the bathroom and hide in there with Netflix on his phone.
“ The city is plagued by trash,” Stan said as he stood on the rooftop of a giant building, he slowly lowered a rat-shaped mask onto his head, “It needs Ratman to clean the streets.” He jumped off the building and used his cool rat tail to grapple from building to building until he landed in a dumpster.
“Knock knoc-” Wally flung the door open, but when he noticed the rat-man on the tv screen he froze, “What the actual hell are you watching,” he asked. Dick fumbled to turn the tv but before he could Wally already swiped the remote out of his hand and looked at the screen, “The ties that bind us?” he tilted his head slightly and looked back down at his friend, “My aunt is obsessed with this show.”
Dick sat up, “It’s….actually not that bad.”
Wally scoffed, “There is a man dressed as a rat flinging himself from building to building, that looks pretty horrible to me.”
“There is a rat-themed villain in Gotham, so to be honest. This isn’t too out there.”
“Oh…really?”
“Yeah, he’s pretty gross.” Dick motioned for Wally to join him and after a moment he did.
****
“Beth, you weren’t supposed to find out about this,” Stan cried out as Beth slammed the door shut, cornering him.
“That you were Ratman? And that you brought my younger brother into this?” She hissed, “How could you, he’s only 13! He isn’t equipped to be your stupid Sidekick, Pigeon!”
A young boy dressed as a Pigeon ran into the room, feathers trailing after him. “No, you can’t stop this sister!” The boy screamed, “Ratman is nothing without Pigeon! And he doesn’t even love you, he’s sleeping with-” Stan shot the boy a RatGlare, and it shut him up.
Beth’s attention snapped back to Stan, “S-Sleeping with w-who?”
“No one, I love only you-”
“With me, Beth. Your MOTHER!”
“What the actual fuck.”
Both Robin and Wally jumped and turned around to see M’gann, Artemis, and Zatanna standing in the doorway, “I thought you were all out getting snacks…” Wally replied quickly, his cheeks flushing red.
“M’gann ordered online so we just had to pick it up,” Zatanna looked at the TV, “Are you two watching the Ties that bind us?” She quickly took a seat and propped her feet up, “I love this show, and cannot wait for the next season to be out next month.”
“I’ve seen clips of this show on TikTok,” M’gann commented joining them on the couch.
Only Artemis didn’t budge, “Well this looks stupid.”
“It was better in the earlier seasons,” Robin shrugged, “Really went off with the Ratman and Pigeon subplot. I mean the motivations are so unrealistic, no one does that cuz they’re bored. And who would name themselves after a pigeon?”
“Says you,” Artemis shot back, a small grin on her face.
“Well Robins are cool, pigeons are not.”
“Just shush, if you’re not gonna watch with us be quiet!” Wally finally snapped as he unpaused the show, he was dying to know what happened next.
****
“Can’t we speed this mission up? ” Kid Flash begged, “If we don’t get this done by 10 we’ll miss the season premiere!” If Batman was such a fan of the show why the hell would he send them on some stupid recovery mission tonight of all nights.
“Normally you beg for something to do,” Superboy commented as he ripped a door off the hinges, his way of speeding the process up.
“An episode of a new show drops tonight,” he replied. “Shit, we’ve got company!” He dodged as a bullet whizzed past his head, a goon stood in the hall gun aimed at them. Before the man could even comprehend what happened next he was thrown to the ground, the gun slid down the hall.
“Did you say n-new episode?” The goon wheezed, the air knocked out of his lungs.
“Yeah!” Kid smiled.
“Love that sh-” Before he could finish Kid Flash knocked him out.
“ Rob, did you get the damn flash drive yet?” Kid asked.
“A little preoccupied,” came his response via mind-link.
The two ran down the hall to see Robin and Artemis being attacked by more of Lex Luthor's men, the whole getting in here without being noticed thing didn’t go too well. But then again it never did. “Oh come on!” He whined, dodging an attack. “We’re gonna miss it!”
“I just can’t believe Beth had a secret twin,” Artemis replied.
The goons froze, “What the fuck, Archer Chick,” one hissed. “You go and spoil the whole fucking show just cuz you can’t see the new episode on time?” He crossed his arms.
“Yeah, Jim’s right!” Another cried out, “What the hell! Some of us have very demanding schedules.” He threw his gun to the ground, “Y’know what…I’m done Im going to go home and write a rant down on my reddit account. About YOU stupid assholes.” Soon all the goons had thrown their weapons down and walked out of the room, leaving the team alone.
“Well…..” Robin said quietly, “That’s one way to clear the room Artemis.”
“ Are you guys okay?” M’gann asked, “I heard a bunch of yelling.”
“Artemis spoiled the show for the goons,” Superboy replied amused.
“Truly a low blow Arty,” Robin commented as he was finally able to retrieve the flash drive needed. “But it did the job, we’re good to go.” Kid let out a victorious hoot and ran out of the room to the bioship, Superboy trailing after him.
Before Robin could follow Artemis grabbed him by the arm, “If you tell anyone about me liking that show at school…I will tell EVERYONE about your Ratman Twitter fan account.”
Robin paled, “How’d you find out?”
“You have 200k followers, and your excessive emoji use made it obvious who ran it.” She grinned and left the room.
“Shit.”