Chapter Text
While Maya was in her own session, Carina was also meeting with a therapist. She had wanted to come to the inpatient facility to support Maya, but after her reaction to everything she knew that she needed help too. To better support Maya as well as herself. Everyone always told her that she needed to take care of herself to take care of her family. Now, she knew it to be true.
Carina sat in the therapist's office, her hands clasped tightly in her lap. She felt a mix of nervousness and relief, knowing that she was finally taking the step to seek help for herself. She had recently tried being the strong one, the one who held everything together for Maya and Lucia. But now, she realized that she needed support too.
The therapist, Dr. Sofia Alvarez, had a warm and welcoming presence.
“What brings you here with us, Carina?” The doctor asked kindly.
“My wife was abducted ten months ago and we all just assumed she had died. Really, she was held captive, tortured, and assaulted before she escaped and found her last month. She’s been so lost and sad and I don’t know how to help her, not to mention I gave birth to our daughter while she was gone. For the last month we’ve basically just been on the run trying to survive,” the Italian rattled off the events of the last year.
Dr. Alvarez listened attentively, her expression filled with empathy. She could sense the weight of the past year's events on Carina's shoulders, and she knew that it had taken a toll on her mental and emotional well-being.
"That sounds incredibly difficult, Carina," Dr. Alvarez said softly. "You've been through so much, but I asked what brings you here.”
“I just told you.”
“No, you told me what happened to your wife and how she’s been feeling. I want to know how YOU are coping with everything that has happened.”
Carina sighed. “I’m not. I'm not coping," Carina admitted. "I've been so focused on taking care of Maya and Lucia, making sure they're safe and supported, that I haven't taken the time to process my own emotions. I feel like I'm constantly on edge, like I'm just going through the motions without really feeling anything."
Dr. Alvarez nodded understandingly, her gaze filled with compassion. "It's understandable that you've prioritized Maya and Lucia's well-being, but it's important to remember that your own well-being matters too. You can't pour from an empty cup, Carina. How have you been feeling lately?"
Carina took a moment to collect her thoughts, her eyes gazing down at her hands. "I've been feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, and scared," she admitted. "I'm scared for Maya's recovery, scared for our future, and scared of what might happen next. I feel like I'm constantly waiting for everything to fall apart."
“It’s okay to feel scared. I couldn’t imagine not feeling that way after everything that has happened to you. But you certainly don’t have to hide your emotions.”
Carina nodded, her eyes welling up with tears. "I know, but sometimes it feels like I have to be strong for everyone else. I don't want to burden Maya with my own fears and anxieties when she's already going through so much."
Dr. Alvarez leaned forward, her voice gentle. "Carina, it's important to remember that vulnerability is not a weakness. Opening up about your own struggles can actually strengthen your relationship with Maya. She needs to see that you're human too, that you have your own fears and worries. It can create a deeper level of understanding and support between the two of you.”
Carina took a deep breath, her shoulders sagging. “I’ve been told that before. But Maya…she hurts when I hurt. If I tell her the truth I’m afraid it won’t make anything better, it’ll only worsen it.”
Dr. Alvarez nodded in understanding. "It's natural to have those concerns. But keeping your emotions bottled up can also have a negative impact on your own well-being. It's important to find a balance between supporting Maya and taking care of yourself. Have you considered discussing your concerns with her?”
Carina sighed, her gaze fixed on her hands. "I have, but I'm afraid of burdening her even more. She's already dealing with so much, and I don't want to add to her pain."
The therapist leaned back in her chair, her expression thoughtful. "It's important to remember that relationships are built on trust and open communication. By sharing your own struggles and fears with Maya, you're allowing her to support you as well. It's a two-way street. You don't have to carry the weight of everything on your own."
Carina nodded slowly, her mind processing Dr. Alvarez's words. She knew deep down that the therapist was right, but it was still difficult to even think of talking to Maya about it.
“What if we spoke to her together?” The doctor suggested. “A sort of mediated conversation. I’m sure there are things she may be too afraid to admit to you. Perhaps this could be a good way to start fresh.”
Carina considered the therapist's suggestion, realizing that it could be a way to create a safe space for both her and Maya to express their fears and concerns without feeling like a burden to one another. It would be an opportunity for them to start fresh and rebuild their trust and communication.
"I think that could be helpful," Carina replied. "I want us to be able to support each other through this, and if a mediated conversation can help facilitate that, then I'm willing to give it a try."
Dr. Alvarez smiled warmly. “Perfect! She’s waiting across the hall!”
“What? Now?”
“Dr. Blaine already asked her if it would be alright and Maya agreed. We figured with spouses here together that it would be a good chance for you two to talk openly.”
“O-okay. Let’s go.”
The two women got up and traversed the hallway. Dr. Alvarez knocked on the door and entered upon confirmation from Dr. Blaine.
Maya looked up as Carina and Dr. Alvarez entered the room. She was a little surprised given how the doctor had only just mentioned talking together with Carina a little earlier. Still, she was happy to see her.
Carina took a seat beside Maya, their hands instinctively finding each other's. Maya squeezed Carina's hand, silently conveying her gratitude for being there.
Dr. Blaine smiled warmly at the couple. "I thought it would be beneficial for both of you to have an open conversation, to express your fears and concerns in a safe and mediated environment," she explained. "This is an opportunity for you to say the things you are too scared to say, which you both have expressed.”
Maya and Carina exchanged a glance, both of their nerves palpable. They knew that this conversation could be a turning point, a chance to truly understand and support each other.
“The main reason why we’re doing this is because we believe one of your biggest obstacles, for both of you, is your fears about upsetting the other.”
“How would you know that if you only just met us?” Carina asked.
“Am I wrong?” Alvarez countered.
Carina and Maya just looked at each other, both shaking their head at the truth.
“Who would like to begin?” Dr. Alvarez asked.
Carina glanced over and saw Maya looking down. She knew that she had to start, to show her wife that everything was okay. That they could talk and continue moving forward.
“I will,” the Italian said with a reassuring smile to her wife. “I haven’t-uh been handling all of this well. I spent nine months thinking you were dead. I went to therapy to try to come to terms with it before Lucia was born. And I did eventually, as well as I could. And then you were back and alive, but all that time you were alive and being tortured. Since I found out, all I have wanted to do was protect you, to be strong for you. Then every time we feel safe, things go wrong. We haven’t had a moment to really decompress…and I think I got lost along the way here.”
Maya listened intently, her heart aching for Carina as she spoke. She gently squeezed Carina's hand, silently encouraging her to continue.
"I've been so focused on being there for you and Lucia, making sure you both feel safe and supported, that I haven't taken the time to process my own emotions," Carina continued. "I've been feeling overwhelmed, scared, and exhausted. I'm scared for your recovery, scared for our future, and scared of what might happen next. I feel like I'm constantly waiting for everything to fall apart. And I feel like I’m not enough to make sure you’re safe.”
Maya's eyes filled with tears as she realized the weight Carina had been carrying all this time. She had been so consumed by her own pain and trauma that she hadn't fully recognized the toll it had taken on Carina. She had noticed, but didn’t do anything to alleviate it. Maya reached out and gently cupped Carina's face.
"Carina, you are more than enough," Maya said. "You have been my rock, my support, and my anchor throughout all of this. I'm so sorry that I haven't been able to fully see and acknowledge the pain you've been carrying. And I don’t want you to hide your feelings from me…I-I couldn’t have made it this far without you. But that’s a lot of pressure on you…”
“And I wouldn’t have it any other way, Bambina. I want to be there for you. But I don't want you to feel like you have to protect me from your pain. I can’t be there for you if I’m guessing how you’re feeling. It only hurts me more when I get it wrong. When I see you slipping away from me…I-“
Maya nodded, tears streaming down her face. "I'm so sorry, Carina. You’re right. You can always talk to me, I don’t want you to hide it all away. You deserve to have someone to listen to you.”
Carina wiped away her own tears, feeling a sense of relief wash over her. It was a relief to finally be able to share her true feelings with Maya, to let her know that she needed support too.
“Maya, what would you like to tell Carina?” Dr. Blaine asked after a few moments.
“Uh y-yeah,” the blonde stuttered. “I-I’m obviously having a hard time with everything too. I have definitely been hiding my feelings. I feel like a burden, like I’m ruining your life.” She took a deep breath, trying to collect her thoughts. “W-when I saw you at the carnival, you looked so happy. You had no worries in the world. But when I escaped, when I came back into your life, everything went to hell. We’ve been hunted down ever since, and you've had to deal with so much because of me. You almost died, twice, because of me. I even put Lucia in danger! And all I can think to do to make it better is to just disappear. It’s not so much that I want to die, I just want to make your life easier. I want it to be what it was when I saw you that day.”
Carina's heart shattered as she listened to Maya's words. The pain and guilt in Maya's voice were almost unbearable. She reached out and gently took Maya's trembling form in a hug, refusing to let Maya disappear into the darkness of her self-blame.
"Maya, none of this is your fault," Carina said firmly. "You didn't ask for any of this to happen. Yeah, maybe we looked happy that day, but we were at an event honoring you. I just was happy to be able to share a piece of you with our daughter. Nothing made me happier than learning you were alive. And I don't want you to ever think that you're a burden or that you're ruining my life. You are my life, Bambina. I love you, and I will always stand by your side."
Maya's tears flowed freely now, her grip on Carina tightening. She buried her face in Carina's shoulder, seeking solace and comfort in her embrace.
“What else, Maya?” Dr. Blaine asked, shocking Carina. There was more that her wife was dealing with alone, she could only assume what it was. Unfortunately, she was right.
“I-I-um,” this one was harder for her to say. She still hadn’t come to terms with this part of her captivity. “I feel dirty. Broken. What they did to me…”
Carina's heart broke as Maya's voice trailed off, her words filled with pain and shame. She held Maya even tighter, her own tears mingling with Maya's. Her remembering her sexual assault had caused her so much pain since the moment that memory came back to her.
“…I’m damaged. I’m not worthy of…I can’t…”
Carina couldn't bear to see Maya in so much pain, blaming herself for what had happened to her. She gently lifted Maya's face, her voice filled with love and compassion.
"Maya, you are not dirty or broken," Carina said firmly. "Do you think that of me because of my past?”
Maya's eyes widened at Carina's question, her tears still streaming down her face. She shook her head, her voice barely a whisper. "No, of course not.“
“Then why should you think it of you?” Carina continued, her voice filled with conviction. "Your worth is not defined by what happened to you. What those people did was a reflection of their own darkness, not a reflection of who you are as a person. You are so much more than what they tried to take from you."
Maya's tears continued to flow as Carina's words sank in. She had never considered that perspective before. She had been blaming herself for what had happened, feeling dirty and unworthy of love and support. But Carina's words challenged that belief, offering the ideas of hope and helping.
The two wives held each other in the embrace, everything that needed to be said out in the open. Both of them felt lighter, like the future truly would be better. The weight of their shared pain felt a little more bearable now that they had each other's full support. They knew that healing would take time, but they were committed to facing their fears and working through their trauma together.
Dr. Alvarez smiled warmly at the couple. "I'm glad that you both were able to express your feelings and fears to each other. Remember, healing is a journey, and it's important to be patient and kind to yourselves as you navigate through it."
“And now there’s one last thing we wanted to share with you,” Dr. Blaine continued as the two women looked on curiously. “Ryan Sanchez, or Dixon, was killed in a shootout with the FBI this morning.”
Carina and Maya exchanged a stunned glance, both of their faces breaking out into smiles.
It was over.