Work Text:
Dear Nikola,
Sometimes I wonder why I chose John over you. Sometimes, I wonder why I put myself through all that pain of loving him, when the whole time, you were waiting patiently for me. It took me nearly 100 years to realise my feelings for you. Not many people can say they waited a century to be loved.
The truth is, after John, I was scared to love again. I was scared of getting betrayed and hurt the way he hurt me. In Rome, when the Cabal were chasing you and we were in the catacombs, you confessed your love for me. I thought you were just saying it to gain my trust, so that I would help you with your plans for World domination. But now I realise, that you meant it. There was honesty in your eyes that I had tried to ignore. I can’t ignore it anymore.
When you became mortal again, I told you that I wasn’t to blame for the mishap. But that didn’t stop me feeling guilty. I should have found a way to reverse the process, and believe me, I tried, but somehow it didn’t feel like enough. You being a human again meant that I was the only member of The Five left, and that was something I didn’t want to think about.
You keep exclaiming that since the East Africa incident with Afina that I cared for you because I wouldn’t let you die. I made you a vampire again, only to watch the queen awaken from thousands of year’s stasis and threaten to take you away from me. That is what scared me more than you dying; the fact that after saving you, you were contemplating going with Afina to take over earth with her and her army, like we – like I meant nothing to you. You said that I was jealous, and because you will never read these words, I can honestly tell you – tell myself too, I suppose – that yes, I was jealous. You had known me for over 100 years, and yet the woman you had only just met was taking all of your attention.
And to answer the question that always seems to come up with you, yes Nikola Tesla, I love you. I have always loved you. But I suppose, this is for my eyes only, so you will never know. But at least this will help me admit it so I can try to move on.
Which I know will not ever happen.
With all my love, now and forever,
Helen