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The burning fire crackled in the stone fireplace as Friedrich added another log to it. The brightness from the flames filled his small living room with a comfortable orange glow.
He glanced at a small calendar hanging on the wall above the mantlepiece. 6th of December 1946. A Friday evening. Friedrich walked to the window and looked out into the night. The icy blue glow from the almost full moon reflected off small patches of snow which covered the grass in the small courtyard outside.
It would soon be Christmas. Friedrich was not particularly feeling very festive but he had made an effort to put up some decorations. He had a small tree standing on a chest of drawers and some red and green lights fixed around the edge of his window. Life was by no means perfect in post war German, but Fredrich, now twenty, did his best to get by.
A lot had happened since he was kicked out of Allenstein in 1942. He now occupied a small ground floor apartment in the suburbs of West Berlin where he lived alone. Grateful for the life he had, when so many of his classmates and countrymen had given up theirs for the fatherland.
There was a knock at the door.
Fredrich took a deep breath. It seemed his expected visitor had arrived. He made his way through to the kitchen and opened the door. He smiled as he recognised a familiar face.
"Christoph"
"Hi how are you?"
Christoph stepped forward and pulled his former classmate into a hug, squeezing him tightly
"So good to see you" Christoph continued.
The former schoolmates had met entirely by chance earlier that week. Friedrich had been walking to work near the Lehrter Stadtbahnhof when Christoph had passed him, going in the opposite direction. Although Friedrich was initially unsure, Christoph had been very warm towards him and asked if they could meet later in the week.
"Here, I brought you this" Christoph continued after releasing Friedrich.
He held out a bottle of Schnapps that he was holding in his hand. He had tied a small red bow around its neck.
"Merry Christoph-mas" he joked.
Friedrich smiled taking the bottle. He looked Christoph up and down. He was still the same person he remembered from his days at Allenstein. The smart groomed appearance. The confident smile but with the slightly nervous eyes.
"Thank you. Please, come inside"
************
"I couldn't believe it was you when I saw you" Christoph said as they made their way through into Friedrich's small but comfortable living room. "I never stopped thinking about you after you left. I always wondered what might have happened to you"
Friedrich switched on a lamp to give a bit of extra warmth to the glow of the fire as Christoph sat down on the small two seater sofa opposite the burning logs. This being the only comfortable place to sit, Friedrich sat beside him.
"After I left, I came home to Berlin. My father beat me and threw me out. Thankfully, my old boss took me in and gave me a job. My father was killed in an air raid in March of forty-four and my mother and brother moved away to live with my aunt in Essen. My father had forbidden them to contact me while he was alive but since he died my mother writes to me. I miss Max a lot but at least I know they are safe. Max is thirteen now.
"Could you have gone with them?" Christoph enquired
"I decided to stay here. It was easier for me to find work. I was in Berlin until the end of the war. This apartment is all I have. Somehow it escaped the bombs"
Christoph looked around him, studying the sparsely furnished room.
"And do you still box?" he continued
"After I left Allenstein I, I lost my passion for it. I didn't train or pick up my gloves for nearly a year. I helped my old coach set up the boxing club again. We get a lot of street kids, orphans in there now. It's rewarding to see them work hard and try to better themselves. It feels good to be able to help them"
Christoph smiled
"I always knew there was a kind heart under that killer exterior" he joked "After you left Vogler was furious. It was like he became a different person. I think he felt a personal sense of failure. He once beat a student who disobeyed him. He was still there when I left.
"What happened to you?" Friedrich enquired.
"Wow. Well, I stayed at Allenstein until nineteen forty-four when I was transferred to the seventh army. I fought in the Ardennes Offensive where I got cut off from my unit and taken prisoner. I spent the last months of the war in a prison camp and I finally made it home in June this year. I feel like I was really lucky. I heard that most of my unit were killed after they were surrounded and refused to surrender"
Christoph paused for a moment, looking outside before looking back at Friedrich
"So much has changed"
"It will take a long time to rebuild" Friedrich replied
Both of them paused as if spending a moment with their own thoughts. Their experiences had been so different in their years apart but it was as if they were back at Allenstein, catching up after a mornings lessons. Only now they were not just tired from the early start. They were war weary. Older and wiser. They had experienced so much for men so young.
"Do you know what happened to the others?" Friedrich finally asked, almost as though he had been avoiding asking the question
"So many of the guys are gone. Christian, Peter, Tjaden. All dead"
"Tjaden?" Friedrich sat up. He had hoped that Tjaden might have survived
"He left Allenstein just before I did to join the Fallschirmjäger. He was killed in battle in July fourty-four"
"And Hefe?" Friedrich enquired
Christoph laughed
"The fat shit managed to survive the war. He applied for the Waffen SS but failed the medical. He got himself sent home. He helps to run his fathers meat business now. Always knew he'd be lucky"
Friedrich smiled. Even after all this time Christoph couldn't say anything positive about Hefe without including an insult or two.
"Do you remember how we all used to wind him up?" Christoph continued
"Of course it was the best part of the day" Friedrich laughed "He was so easy"
"I heard that Jaucher was killed too. I know this sounds bad, but I didn't feel sorry for him. Not after the way he treated all of us. And Siggi"
"Siggi" Friedrich exhaled slowly as he remembered their tragic classmate. "Poor Siggi"
Even though Friedrich had seem a lot of people die during the war, something about Siggi's death affected him differently. Friedrich often wondered if it was because he felt guilty for not doing more to try to help him. Or maybe it was just because the circumstances surrounding it were so tragic.
"A hero in every sense" Christoph said "If it wasn't for him I hate to think what might have happened"
He turned to Friedrich
"Do you ever think of that day?"
"Sometimes yes" Friedrich responded. "I always remember Siggi looking up at us right before the grenade exploded. I remember the look on his face. It's almost like he was saying goodbye to us." Friedrich paused for a second before finishing. "I try not to remember the rest"
"Pieninger should have been court-martialled for that" Christoph replied angrily. "Running away like a coward"
"A coward and a bully" Friedrich responded as he recalled the day he had punched the smug arrogant PE teacher square in the stomach.
"I heard that he was conscripted and that he managed to run away during a retreat. I was told he escaped to Switzerland. He probably has a job in a school there. Bullying the students like he did us. People like him always seem to get by"
"You know. Seeing you. Its brought so many things back to me" Friedrich said "I have tried to block a lot of what happened at Allenstein out of my mind. Can i ask you something?
"Of course"
"Do you miss it?"
"Honestly?"
Friedrich nodded. He wanted to hear how Christoph really felt
"Yes I do. I miss the location. That old castle. I miss you guys. I miss the comradeship that we had. We were lucky that we were all put together. As for the teachers, the regime, the classes. I don't miss that part. What about you?"
"The same. I miss the place. I miss you guys. Most of all. I miss Albrecht"
Friedrich bowed his head and took a deep breath. One of the reasons he had tried so hard over the years to block the memories of Allenstein from his mind was so that he didn't have to remember his time with Albrecht. As he's got older, Friedrich had learned to accept that Albrecht probably hadn't survived the war. He knew that the chances of a soldier having survived the Russian campaign were slim. Christoph, seeing that Friedrich was upset, placed a supportive hand on his shoulder.
"I'm really sorry. I don't know what happened to Albrecht. We wrote to each other a few times after he was sent to the Eastern front. I know that he was trying to find out where you lived so that he could write to you too, but then his replies stopped. I wrote to him a few more times but I heard nothing"
"I tried to find him after the war" Friedrich replied "I tried everywhere I could think of to see if I could find anything out but there was nothing. I went to the British, The Americans The interior ministry but no one could tell me anything. I mean, to them what's one more name among millions?"
"If Albrecht didn't make it. I think you should know that his actions did some good. His father was hanged for war crimes. You remember that night in the forest?
Friedrich nodded
"Albrecht's mother kept the assignment that he wrote. The American's found it after the war when they searched his house. His own son's assignment led to him being found guilty. Kind of poetic don't you think?"
Friedrich smiled. He found some comfort knowing that Albrecht's brave actions had served some good. He could feel tears starting to well up in his eyes.
"I just miss him so much" Friedrich sniffled "Christoph there's something I really need to tell you"
"I already know" Christoph cut in, sensing what Friedrich was about to say. "Me, Tjaden, Hefe, we all knew"
Friedrich sniffled. This news came as something of a surprise to him. He turned his head to face Christoph, the light from the fire causing the tears in his eyes to glisten.
"You knew?"
Christoph nodded
"Yes we knew. And it doesn't matter. We knew that you two were really close. I don't know what it was, you just seemed to give each other so much energy and happiness. It didn't take us long to realise that it was more than just friendship"
"Why didn't you say anything?"
"It was your business, and none of ours. Especially in that place. We just felt it better to let you have your privacy. But you should know that we were all really happy for you. I mean, you two spent a lot of time in that newspaper office. I'm sure you weren't just writing the news in there"
Friedrich smiled, the change in his expression causing a tear to be squeezed from his eye and run down his already damp cheek. He could always rely on Christoph to lighten the mood. He looked directly at his former roommate.
"I really loved him Christoph"
"I know. I know" Christoph replied "I miss him too. And I know its not the same but I'm here for you. If you want me to be. As a friend"
"Thank you" Friedrich said sincerely. He wasn't certain but he felt he could see a tear forming in Christoph's eye too.
"Its ok" Christoph responded with a sniffle, shaking his friend by the shoulder "I need to tell you something too. I just want you to know that I'm sorry for not supporting you and Albrecht when you threw the fight and he wrote that essay. All I'd known since I was a child was Nazi Germany, the Nazi ideology. We were brainwashed from being young. That night in the forest, when Gauleiter Stein murdered those children, that was the first time I realised the evil that existed. I realised what were were doing was evil and that it was wrong. I've never forgotten that dying boy. You and Albrecht. You were so brave to stand up for what you believed in. I just think if we had supported you we could have made a difference"
"It wouldn't have mattered" Friedrich replied "What would three people have done? Even four or five people? They would have got rid of you too. But thank you for saying that. It really means a lot"
"Honestly Friedrich I'm so glad to know that you made it. There are only a few left who can relate to what we went through. I um, I brought something"
Christoph released Friedrich's shoulder. He opened his jacket and reached inside
"I found this when I was sorting through my stuff" Christoph said as he pulled a photograph out of his inside pocket and handed it to Friedrich.
Friedrich's eyes lit up as he looked at the photo. Written in the bottom corner were the words "Allenstein - Winter 1942" and in the photograph was Friedrich and his room mates in their dormitory. Tjaden stood at the back with his long gangly arms around Friedrich and Christoph's shoulders. Christoph had his arm around the waist of Siggi, who was standing next to him. Seated on chairs in front where Albrecht and Hefe. Friedrich had an arm on Albrecht's shoulder. Friedrich looked at those faces. Those innocent smiles. A carefree moment captured forever. Friedrich remembered the photograph being taken. He remembered them goofing around and Peter who was taking the picture getting more and more annoyed with them as they tried to put him off. Just now Friedrich would have given anything to be back in the moment with his friends. Especially with Albrecht. Dear Albrecht, the only person outside of his family who he had ever truly loved. As he looked at the picture, Friedrich could feel another tear forming.
"I thought we could have a drink. For the guys" Christoph said softly.
"Um, I don't have anything" Friedrich replied, quickly wiping his eye.
"I think I saw some Schnapps somewhere"
"Of course" Friedrich smiled, remembering the gift that Christoph had brought him "It's a really nice idea. Why don't you open it and I'll bring some glasses"
"Sure" Christoph replied. They both turned their heads as there was a soft knock at Friedrich's kitchen door.
"Are you expecting someone?" Christoph enquired
"Not tonight. I'll be back in a moment"
Friedrich stood up and made his way through to the kitchen, pulling the living room door closed behind him to keep the heat in. He turned the light on and grabbed two glasses from the worktop, placing them on the table as he made his way to the door. He pulled the door open and stopped dead.
"Oh my god" Friedrich exclaimed
He looked at the person standing in front of him. The small thin frame. The dark hair with the side parting. The thin bony jawline and finally those eyes. Those blue eyes that he had seen so many times in his dreams and were now looking back at him. The person looked older and thinner but there was no mistaking who it was. Friedrich was frozen to the spot. His voice quivered as he spoke.
"Albrecht!"
"Am I interrupting anything?"
"No. No"
And with that both of them rushed forward, pulling each other into a tight embrace. They squeezed each other so tightly as they both burst into tears, Friedrich wrapping his strong arms around Albrecht's smaller frame, almost squashing him against his own body. He remembered the last time they had been this close together, four long years before. The day Albrecht learned that he was being sent away. The day Friedrich had rushed to confront him and they had argued and then cried as they held each other on the bathroom floor at Allenstein. Friedrich had never forgotten that night. How it felt to have Albrecht in his arms. So many times he had cried at night as he lay in bed alone. Longing to be able feel it again, even if it was just once. To be able to hold Albrecht and keep him safe.
"Albrecht" Friedrich sobbed
"Friedrich" Albrecht sobbed back, firmly locked in Friedrich's embrace.
"I thought I'd lost you. Oh my god I thought I'd lost you"
Eventually they released their hug still holding each other by the arms, their eyes awash with tears which streamed down their cheeks.
"How did you find me?"
"I looked everywhere for you. I found your old boxing club. Your trainer told me you were here"
"I'm so glad you came. I looked everywhere for you. I thought I'd lost you"
"I thought I'd lost you too. I didn't know if you were alive or dead. Please can you help me? I have nowhere to go"
"You can stay here. Of course you can stay here. Albrecht I have missed you so much"
Albrecht threw his arms back around Friedrich and squeezed him again. They cried some more, holding onto each other for what seemed like an eternity. Albrecht buried his face in Friedrich's chest as Friedrich comforted him, squeezing his shoulder with one hand and gently caressing his hair with the other.
"I love you Albrecht" Friedrich whispered.
"I love you too" came Albrecht's muffled reply.
Unknown to either of them, Christoph had entered the kitchen. Not wanting to interrupt this special moment, he had leaned quietly on the door frame, allowing his friends to enjoy this long overdue reunion. He smiled, blinking heavily as he felt tears forming in his own eyes. This was the first time he had seen Friedrich and Albrecht express their affection for each other and it was very moving for him to watch them. He always knew, but to actually see just how much one meant to the other and how reciprocal that feeling was, moved him in a way he didn't think possible. He decided the kindest and most appropriate thing he could do was just to do nothing.
************
"I guess we'll need three glasses now" Christoph joked as he brought those glasses in from the kitchen.
Albrecht was sitting on the sofa while Friedrich threw another log onto the fire. A couple of hours had passed since Albrecht had arrived at the door and the three of them had spent an emotional time catching up. Christoph had to leave soon but he knew that Friedrich and Albrecht would probably talk long into the night. Just before he left they had decided to have that one drink as a way to honour the memory of their friends and the experiences that they had shared together.
Christoph had placed the photograph on the window sill, as the red and green Christmas lights flickered around the edge of the window. He placed the glasses down and started to pour the Schnapps
"How are you planning to spend Christmas?" Friedrich asked as he poked the fire
"I don't know. I'll be here in Berlin at least until March, maybe longer"
"Why don't you come here?" Friedrich offered
"Are you sure?" Christoph was a little taken aback by this kind offer
"Of course. Spend it with us"
Christoph thought for a moment
"Ok, yes. I will. Thank you, thank you so much"
Suddenly Albrecht stood up from the sofa and moved towards the window.
"It's snowing"
Friedrich moved across the the window and filled the gap between Albrecht and Christoph. He looked outside. It was indeed snowing. Not heavily, but small flakes were falling, starting to cover the frozen ground, thickening the frozen snow that already lay there and re-covering the patches where it had melted.
Christoph picked up the glasses and handed one to each of them.
"A toast" he began "To Christmas, to hope, and to absent friends"
"To absent friends" Friedrich and Albrecht joined in as the three of them brought their glasses together and downed their drinks. Friedrich looked down at the photograph again as he felt the dry burning sensation of the Schnapps going down his throat. He looked at his smiling friends as he thought of Siggi and Tjaden. He then looked at his hand on Albrecht's shoulder. His attention was suddenly drawn by a hand being placed on his own shoulder. Friedrich looked to his right to see Albrecht looking back at him. Those beautiful blue eyes and that nervous smile. Friedrich felt like he was in the middle of a dream. But he knew he wasn't. This was happening and Albrecht was in front of him once again. Friedrich placed an arm around Albrecht's waist and pulled him close. Albrecht rested his head on Friedrich's arm as they watched the snow fall outside.
Friedrich turned to Christoph and they exchanged a smile. It felt so good to be together again. He looked back to Albrecht. This was the best Christmas present he could ever have wanted.