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“God, I just helped you clean a few weeks ago, how did it already get this bad again?” Having forced his way inside after Ritsu had been too avoidant about answering about the state of his apartment, Takano stood amidst a horrible mess.
“Don’t just barge in here whenever you please!” Ritsu had walked in after him, unhappy that the rest of his evening was now guaranteed to be eaten up completely by his not-quite lover forcing him to clean. “I know where everything is, so what difference does it make?!”
“It’s unsanitary, and honestly a huge fire hazard. Knowing how shit you are in the kitchen, you’re one fuck up away while using the stove from burning the whole building down. I’m doing everyone a favor when I help clean all this shit up.”
“The stove? When do I ever-” He cut himself off, realizing that it would just open the door to raiding his freshly stocked fridge full of jelly packets. He couldn’t risk losing all of those again.
Unfortunately, the damage was already done, and Takano stomped towards his kitchen, straight to the refrigerator, easily wrestling Ritsu off of him when he grabbed him from behind, begging him to just leave it be.
“I swear to god, I need to put a tracker on you or something to stop you whenever you go to that grocery store. You can’t be left unattended in there, all you buy is these, every fucking time.” Takano plucked one of the many jelly packets out of the fridge, marveling at how full Ritsu had managed to get it since the last time he’d raided it. “Looks like you’re going to single handedly stock the entire section of that food bank again first thing tomorrow morning! How generous of you.”
Fridge door slammed shut behind him, Takano grabbed a trash bag and started getting straight to work, beginning to gather up the obvious trash from the piles of clothes and other belongings scattered about.
“Oh, come on, just let me keep them this time, please!” Ritsu was right behind him, bargaining despite knowing how fruitless an effort it was. “Do you know how embarrassing it is to always walk in there when all I can hear is mumblings that the ‘jelly packet guy’ is back again?!”
“Heh.” Takano made no attempt to hide the stupid grin on his face as he shoved a pile of instant noodle bowls into his bag. “Jelly packet guy.”
“Takano-san!” At his side, Ritsu was hitting his arm lightly.
“It’s an order from me not only as your boss, but as a person who loves you. You can’t keep living off of that stuff.” Upon Takano’s tone becoming more serious, Ritsu’s shoulders slouched in defeat. There was no changing his mind when he spoke like that. “After we clean for awhile, I’ll grab some food from my place and we’ll eat a real meal, how’s that sound?”
“...Whatever.” Ritsu turned on his heel to go do some cleaning off in some other corner.
“I was expecting a ‘thank you so much Takano-san, I love you so much for everything you do for me,’ but that works too, I guess.” Takano couldn’t hold back the amused breath that came out of his nose as a huge pile of trash was knocked over behind him alongside one of the usual irate Ritsu noises he knew all too well.
As with any time Takano came over to help clean, they ended up tackling things in sections.
First, they would clear out the obvious trash and bag it up to take downstairs for disposal.
Then, they’d make a huge pile of all of the clothes that had begun to pile up and start a load of laundry, because even the clothes that had been clean weren’t worth wearing from the smell of the trash from their surroundings sticking to them.
After that, what usually remained were more miscellaneous things; impulse buys that had yet to be taken out of their packaging, books that Ritsu started to read in what little free time he had, and other random things Takano couldn’t imagine needing to be around.
Ritsu still remained in the living room, but Takano had ended up in the bedroom. There were the usual offenders, like more clothes and garbage, but at the very least the stack of magazines that continued growing from the floor to about his waist was still steadily growing upward and had no need for cleaning.
Turning to attempt to begin stripping the bed of both its linens, but also the stupidly tall stack of god knows what atop it, Takano ended up slipping on some of the crap on the floor, causing his foot to knock over a large pile, a book jabbing into his foot.
Takano let out a small grunt, because that probably just stubbed his toe a bit, but he couldn’t help but be curious, because in all the times he’d helped with cleaning or been over for…other activities, he’d never seen this book before. It didn’t have anything on the cover or spine, so he had to take a closer look to get an idea of what was inside it.
“Takano-san, are you okay?” Ritsu called out from the living room, and Takano almost voiced a complaint, but upon opening the book that had landed atop his feet, he stopped himself.
“Yeah, don’t worry, I’ve got things under control.” Takano responded, holding what as far as he could tell was a journal of sorts.
“Alright, don’t hurt yourself at my expense!” Ritsu grew quieter, but Takano still heard his next words. “...If anything, if you could leave, that would be wonderful.”
“What was that?” He feigned ignorance, knowing full well the effect it would have.
“N-nothing! Agh!” Another pile collapsed in the other room, but Takano was certain he was okay if he could still yell just fine, so he didn’t feel the need to go check on him.
There were more pressing matters at hand, like finding a way to sneak what he was holding out of here…it looked old, so he couldn’t imagine Ritsu was still using it. He didn’t even have time in the day to eat or sleep at times, so what time would he have for journal entries in his current state?
Opening the cover and flipping through it briefly, the dates atop each entry revealed they were around when they would have been in middle school and high school…suddenly, the idea of sneaking a long peek at it became many times more enticing than it already had been.
“Onodera,” He called out into the living room. “I want to borrow a few of the books I found, is that okay with you?”
“Oh, sure!” The response was far more enthusiastic than he’d been expecting. “Uh…just bring them back eventually, I guess…”
Takano piled a few random books that were laying around without paying much attention up in his arms atop the journal and headed out of the bedroom.
“I’m going to drop these off at my place and come back with some food.” He held the stack in his arms in a way that Ritsu wouldn’t see the contents as he passed him.
“...Thank you, Takano-san.” Ritsu forced out with immense effort on his part.
“Sure.”
After they ate dinner and cleaned for another couple of hours, Takano headed back to his place for the night, different from most times where he said his fee was to use Ritsu as his own personal body pillow for the night. Ritsu had seemed to notice things were different from usual, but didn’t comment on it, probably just happy to finally be spared for the night.
Once Takano retreated into his bedroom, he felt as if he had successfully pulled off a heist. Whatever other books he grabbed could wait, he wanted to read some of these entries.
Perhaps it was a massive invasion of privacy, but if Ritsu really hadn’t wanted him to find this, he shouldn’t have let it become part of his mess. It was natural, really.
Flipping open the first page, Takano settled in for a long read, seeking out any entry that might have been relevant to himself.
April 0X, 20XX
…Today when I was commuting to school, I saw a person who wore the same uniform doggy earring the latest issue of Koharu on the train. I had been thinking of changing routes because of how busy it was, but I think I’ll stick to this one. Maybe we could be friends. I don’t know anything about him other than our shared interest in Koharu, though…
April 1X, 20XX
…Today I saw the same boy from the first day of the school year in the library. He helped me by grabbing a book that I couldn’t reach from one of the higher shelves. I looked at the check out cards. His name is Saga Masamune. He’s two years ahead of me. It doesn’t make any sense, we haven’t talked one bit, but I think I’m in love… At least this certainly feels like what they say falling in love is like in all those novels. I can’t quite say yet. Maybe it’s just a temporary phase…
April 2X, 20XX
…Saga-senpai has such interesting taste. Every time I find one of the books he’s already checked out, I have to read it for myself. I wonder if he has a lot of books at home. I bet he has a nice bedroom full of books. I wonder if he goes to any particular bookstore after school if there are new releases. Maybe I should follow him to find out…
May 2X, 20XX
…It’s been more than a month now. I don’t think it’s a phase anymore…
June 0X, 20XX
…We switched to our summer uniforms today. It’s the first time I’ve seen Senpai’s bare arms outside of physical education, but this is much easier to see than having to look from a distance when he’s on the field and I’m inside my classroom peeking out the window. It was exciting for some reason…
July 2X, 20XX
…Since I didn’t fail any courses or exams I have no reason to go to school during summer break. I miss watching Senpai every day. Will every break be like this until he graduates high school? I wonder what he’s doing right now. Does he do all the homework assigned over break at the start, work on it gradually, or just wait until the last minute? I want to know more about him…
August 0X, 20XX
…There was a new release today so I went to the bookstore Saga-senpai usually visits. I saw him at the checkout line and almost fainted. I didn’t think it’d be so hard just to go a few days without seeing him but I missed him so much. I followed him to the train station and watched his train leave. I hope I can bump into him again soon if Mother will allow me to go out more often…
September 0X, 20XX
…I’ve never been so excited for a break to end. I can finally be around Senpai regularly again. I missed him so much. I feel really creepy, though…I hope he hasn’t noticed me following him around more than usual…
October 0X, 20XX
…We're back in our winter uniforms. Senpai looked nice in the summer uniform, but I think he looks best in the full uniform when it’s colder outside. I think he’ll look even better in the gakuran next year once he’s in high school. Black seems like it would suit him…
October 1X, 20XX
…Saga-senpai wasn’t around today in his class or in the library. I hope he isn’t sick. I wish there was some way to know…
November 1X, 20XX
…While we were waiting at the train crossing today, a leaf fell in Senpai’s hair. He didn’t notice it, but it stayed up there for a few minutes. When the train finally went by, it was blown off of him and onto the ground. After he left, I picked it up and put it in my bag. I’m going to research how to preserve them…
November 2X, 20XX
I did it! [A flat, but otherwise perfectly good red leaf was pressed into the page.]
December 24th, 20XX
…Winter break is soon. Senpai somehow looked lonely today even though he’s always sitting alone. I wish that I could just approach him, but I’m not sure if he would like that or not. It might just be troublesome if a random underclassman approached him, so I won’t bother him. I wonder if his family does anything for the Christmas and New Years holidays. I hope he has a good break, but I’ll miss him, even if this break is way shorter than summer break…
December 3X, 20XX
…Family is in town for New Years and mother brought up for the first time that she and father were looking into sending me overseas for high school for the experience. I don’t want to leave Japan until Senpai graduates, so I refuse to do that until I finish my first year of high school in Japan. I hope they allow it. When I think of Senpai graduating and never seeing him again though, I get very sad…
February 14th, 20XX
…An-chan confessed to me today. I’ve never seen her in that light. I told her that I loved someone. She didn’t ask who, but I don’t know if I’ll ever tell her about Senpai. I’ve never been interested in anyone else. I don’t see that changing any time soon…
April 0X, 20XX
…Senpai is wearing a different uniform now and is in different hallways, but at least I can still see him on the train and in the library…
As Takano continued to flip through the journal, the sheer amount of entries that had been about him alone were strange. He had thought that at the very least he could get insight into other parts of Ritsu’s life when he was younger, but it was as if he had centered his entire life around him from the moment they crossed paths for the first time, which was also intriguing to know the origins of as it had been something he'd never asked about before.
Many of the entries followed the same pattern, describing what Ritsu saw him do that day, what book he had read that Ritsu had checked out, or just general paragraphs upon paragraphs on why Ritsu was so drawn to him. When he had said when they were teenagers that it would take three entire days to explain why he loved him, Takano no longer doubted him. It was bordering on insanity. Were his feelings even a fraction like this now? He hoped as much, because it would certainly make things easier.
Finally, though, he hit the year that he became a third year in high school, and Ritsu a first year. There weren’t many pages left. This was the time period of entries that intrigued him the most.
April 0X, 20XX
…I had given up on ever approaching Senpai a long time ago because of how close he was getting to graduating and I never really saw myself with him, but today I went and opened my big mouth and confessed to him. I feel like I’m going insane. He didn’t even know how I knew his name, but he asked me out. I can’t tell if he was joking or not. Why would Senpai want to go out with me? All I’ve done is follow him around for the past three years, I don’t know how somebody like him would even be interested in me. If he’s in the library tomorrow I’ll ask him if he was joking or not. I’m scared to hear the answer, but if he wasn’t joking then I’d be so happy. I just love him so much, I don't even know where to start on telling him…
April 0X, 20XX
…Senpai helped me by ordering for me at Usaway. I was so happy to share a meal with him. It made me feel just a bit closer to him. We talked about Koharu and Usami-sensei. I was so happy to finally be able to talk with him about it. I’ve wanted to talk to him about it for such a long time, ever since the first time I saw him on the train. I hope we can talk about it more together soon. He said that he didn’t get to read the beginning of Usami-sensei’s most recent serialization, so I’m going to bring it to school as soon as I can. I hope that he’ll be happy…
April 1X, 20XX
…I brought the magazine to school to lend to him, but Saga-senpai called me annoying and gross. I’ve never seen him do anything like that before, so I think he might have been having a hard day. I was upset at first, but I’m sure that something was wrong for him to lash out like that. When it started raining after I got home, I went back to school with two umbrellas. I hope one day we can share an umbrella together, but I can’t even handle holding hands…when he held my hand today I thought I was going to die. I ran the entire way to the train station so he wouldn't see how embarrassed I was…
April 1X, 20XX
…I walked into a pole while walking to the all school assembly today because I was too busy looking at Senpai. I feel like a total idiot. He even laughed! I think it’s the first time I’ve seen him laugh and smile. My heart felt like it was going to stop! I hope I can see him smile again soon…
April 1X, 20XX
…When Senpai invited me to his family’s home, I answered like a total idiot. I wanted to say yes right away, but other things kept coming out of my mouth against my will. I just get so nervous around him, but it's really because I’ve wanted to see his room for such a long time. The cat that I saw him pick up in the rain before was living with him, but neither of his parents were home. Apparently he named the cat Sorata. Senpai seems to like cats. His room was exactly how I had imagined, filled with books…I even got to smell his pillow. But I’m so embarrassed, because he actually saw me do that!
And after that…I feel like I might faint just thinking about it again. I have a fever now that I’m back at home because I can’t stop thinking about it. Senpai kissed me and held me and called me by my first name. I'm still wondering if it was all just a dream. If Senpai told me that he likes me back even just a little bit, I think I’d be so happy that my heart would stop…
April 2X, 20XX
…Senpai locked the door at the library and turned off the lights and we did it there. At school! I felt like I was going to die! Thankfully we didn’t get caught, but I was so nervous that we would, so I tried to be quiet. Senpai seems to be so much more experienced than me that I can’t help but be nervous. I hope I'm not annoying to have as a partner.
Even after that, he took me back to his house and we did it even more. When I had to leave, he seemed a bit lonely, so I wanted to stay around longer. I don’t know how much I can help him, but things don’t seem to be very good with his family. I want to help him as much as I can so that maybe he can be happier, but I don't want to be annoying or gross or anything like that, so I'll do my best to keep my distance…
May 1X, 20XX
…Senpai invited me to his house after school again tomorrow. It’ll be Friday, and I asked Mother if I could sleep over for the weekend. She said yes, but she’s starting to ask me why I’ve been asking so much to stay over at friends' houses lately. I just made up some dumb lie. I’m so excited even though I’m sure I’ll be nervous once we meet up. I hope it’s not too obvious to him, but Senpai is kind, so even if he did notice I think he wouldn’t tease me for it.
I’m always happy to be around Senpai, but I think I’m going to ask him tomorrow if he has feelings for me. I’m already so happy being around him, I can’t ask for much more. But if he likes me back, I would be so ha-
That last page was ripped in half with smudges in the pen ink. It seemed as if there had been a few more pages, but they had all been torn out with varying degrees of success. What little amount of writing that was left was fragmented and impossible to decipher with all the smudging and tearing. He could imagine what had brought such a thing about for what had otherwise been a well taken care of journal.
They had broken up around that time due to Ritsu’s misunderstanding, so this must have been right before that day…
Takano glanced over to his phone, seeing that it was already past midnight. He had been going through years worth of journal entries, so it was no wonder well over an hour had passed. He might have already been asleep, but he needed to see Ritsu now.
He headed back out into the hallway and insistently called Ritsu’s phone and rang his doorbell until he opened the door, somehow having already developed his usual spiky bed head.
“What could you possibly want at this hour, Takano-san?” Ritsu glared up at him. “I was already asl-w-woah! What?”
He was pulled into Takano’s arms in a bone crushing hug.
“Um…Takano-san?” Ritsu squeezed out. “Can you loosen up a bit? I can hardly breathe…”
“You really loved me a lot when we were younger, huh?” He put it so simply that Ritsu wasn’t sure that he’d heard him correctly.
“Wh-what’s with you, asking weird questions all of a sudden?!” He blustered.
“You had a very nice journal from back then. Thanks for letting me borrow it. Problem is, I don’t think I’ll ever give it back. It’s made me fall for you all over again.”
“Journal? What journ…NO! WHERE DID YOU EVEN FIND THAT?” Ritsu struggled in his arms against his hold, yelling as he did so. “I thought I got rid of that thing ages ago!”
“Now why would you do that? It has precious memories of me. I can’t let you get rid of it now.” He stubbornly dug in his feet and remained in place, not allowing Ritsu to leave. “Besides, you could learn a thing or two from your younger self. You should be that obsessed with me now as an adult. Unless you already are, in which case, please continue.”
“You were never supposed to see that! Nobody was! But especially you!”
“I’m sorry that I put you through so much when we were teenagers, but I was a huge idiot who didn’t know how to accept love. I know better now. I’ll treasure you properly this time, so go ahead, love me as much as you want this time. I’m plenty ready now.”
“God, what’s wrong with you?” Ritsu just shook his head, looking down towards the floor. “You invade my privacy by reading my middle school journal, then you come over to bother me about it? What made you think this was a good idea?”
“It actually went up to our breakup.” Takano was quick to correct him.
“...Ugh, of course it did. What, did you come to tell me I was an idiot for misunderstanding your laugh again?” He spat out bitterly.
“The entries actually stopped right there. You seemed to write more, but it’s all torn up and what’s left is illegible. Seems you were going through it. Sorry.”
“Mm, yes, because a little apology is going to make me feel better after all these years, sure.” Ritsu grumbled into his shirt, the arms around him having gotten even tighter.
“I’ll make it up to you right now, how about that?” Takano threw him over his shoulder with slight difficulty, earning a yelp.
“What could you possibly do to…” Ritsu fell quiet as he was placed down onto his bed, unsure of where this was going. He couldn’t possibly think that…
“I wouldn’t have my way with you after pissing you off this badly if that's what you're thinking, I’m not that stupid.” Takano said, climbing onto the bed.
“Past incidents indicate otherwise…” Ritsu mumbled as Takano settled in beside him, throwing an arm over his center.
“I’ll just have to sit here and tell you everything I love about you until you understand that I’m just as crazy for you now as Oda was for his precious Saga-senpai, how’s that sound?”
“Eh?” Ritsu began squirming in his arms as he only cuddled closer, lips coming just centimeters away from his ear. “Y-you couldn’t possibly-”
“I’m happy to sit here all night if I have to, so I hope you’re prepared.” He whispered, undeterred.
“Takano-san?”
It was the last thing Ritsu was able to say before Takano started the all out assault on his heart, that true to his words, lasted into the early hours of the morning.
He would never question Takano’s love again, because now he knew if he did, the next time he might really have a heart attack. There wasn’t a single repeat answer in the hours they’d spent spooning! He didn’t even have to take time to think between anything he said! It was insane!
…Although, if you had asked Ritsu as a fifteen year old to do the same for Saga, he imagined that he could have done it just as easily. Was this some weird case of karma? Was the universe trying to tell him something?
Having resigned himself to listening to Takano until the very end hours ago, Ritsu was pulled out of his trance when he heard his alarm going off for the day…this asshole had kept him up all night on a work night!
“How am I supposed to work today when you kept me up all night?!” He sat up and reached for the clock on his bed frame to turn off the alarm.
“Huh? Who said you could leave? I’m not done yet. We’re taking the next two days off so I can finish.” Ritsu was pulled back down onto his bed, and paled at the news.
“Can’t I take a rain check? Better yet, could you please just stop already? I get it! You love me!”
“And I’m glad that you finally understand that, but I’m nowhere near done yet. And just so you know, once you get over yourself, I’m expecting the same from you. Anything less is unacceptable.”
“Huh?!”
The bar having been mercilessly raised for something that didn’t feel like it would be happening any time soon, Ritsu cursed his own fate for having fallen in love with such a ridiculous person.