Chapter Text
Since the day he had been sent out from the only place he could even slightly call “home” (in the most disconnected sense of the word) to the cold, apathetic universe, Dan Heng has had this scroll with him. After having a spear that could slice through the heavens pushed into his hands, he remembered being given a scroll that had been tied shut with a seafoam ribbon that also had a crimson maple leaf attached to it. It was a small thing, easy enough for him to keep in the pocket of the simple but warm jacket he had been given.
He didn’t know what it was, nor did he have time in the moment to open it to see what it contained. No, all he knew about the scroll were words whispered to him from the man who gave him the scroll. A man with eyes brighter than the sun.
“A gift from the past. You will know when to open it.”
Dan Heng had wanted to ask so many questions in that moment. Why did this man have it? Why did he still have the weapon of one of, if not then the definite, greatest traitors within the Xianzhou? What was he supposed to do when he left when he had only spent his life chained away in the dark? How would he know when the time was right to open the scroll?
Would he ever see this man again? This man whose eyes were that of liquid gold and whose smile was so kind yet horribly muted with sadness. Would he ever see him again without this melancholy? Or would his only memories be of how the other’s face held a grim acceptance that he couldn’t understand? And why did his heart ache so much at leaving him behind when he truly was nothing more than a stranger?
The Vidyadhara wanted to ask so many questions, but he couldn’t. All he could do was nod and take the items, giving a small but nonetheless genuine, “Thank you” before he turned around to board the next starskiff that was set to leave.
He looked back briefly, and saw that the man had vanished, but Dan Heng could feel the other’s eyes still on him. He knew that that golden gaze was watching, making sure that he left safely.
Dan Heng didn’t know this man; he didn’t know why he was so invested in the well-being of a traitor. Why he had given him clothes to keep him warm and a weapon to defend himself when he could have just let Dan Heng completely fend for himself.
He didn’t know, but Dan Heng could say that it felt. Nice to have someone care for him in some way after having spent his entire life in the dark and silence.
So, with some more confidence than before in knowing that someone was looking out for him, Dan Heng took a deep breath and stepped onto the starskiff. He made sure to take a place by the window, and when the small craft finally left the dock, he kept his eyes glued to the outside.
He watched as the shipping containers of Cloudford became smaller and then as the buildings on the Luofu turned into pinpricks until finally the ship itself and the entirety of the Xianzhou Alliance disappeared amongst the stars.
Sighing, he sat down and pulled his hood up, trying to hide his ears and make his horns at the very least less obvious. He didn’t know how to hide his more draconic features yet, and he knew that it was something that would need to be learned sooner than later if he wanted to easily travel through the stars. But for now, this would do.
He gingerly pulled out the scroll and stared at it, his hands turning it around and around for a few moments before he let out another quiet sigh as he placed it within his jacket pocket. He wasn’t sure when the right time to read it would be, but he knew for sure that it at least wasn’t in that moment.
He’d think about it later. For now, what mattered was figuring out where to go and where he was going to get his next meal.
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And now here he was, decades later and much like he had all that time ago, he was turning the scroll again and again in his hands.
Years of running from a ghost that claimed he had a debt to pay for a crime he didn’t even remember. Years of never feeling safe, of almost losing himself to madness and of bandages wrapped around bleeding fists. Years of honing the control of his cloudhymn magic to a razor point, able to fold the power of Imbibitor Lunae into a human form.
He spent so long never knowing when he could stop, or even if he should stop as he had no idea if he’d be able to get back up again.
But when he finally ran into a young girl with fiery red hair and a stern man who knew something about what felt like everything, Dan Heng finally found the time where he could stop running. Where he could finally see the answer to what would happen if he finally took the time to stop and rest his weary feet and soothe his aching soul.
From there he met the small but stern and capable conductor of the legendary Astral Express. He met a girl who had been frozen in ice with no memory of her past. And they had welcomed a grey-haired human who held a Stellaron within them who had no memories from before meeting him and March.
A place to sleep and eat, and a place where he found people who he would die trying to protect.
And so, here he was. Sitting on the floor of the Express’ archives, everyone else having gone to bed long ago so the only noise that kept him company was the low hum from the servers around him.
Despite having been with him through countless years spent running and surviving be it from a shattered blade or an explosion that he had had the misfortune of being nearby, the scroll was practically in pristine condition.
Again, it was small, so maybe he shouldn’t have been surprised since it had always been easy to store away. Still, looking at it, it looked almost exactly as it had when it had been given to him.
A seafoam green ribbon was tied around the scroll, keeping it shut. The ribbon itself was slightly frayed at the ends, but its color was as vibrant as ever. Attached to one end of it was a crimson maple leaf that looked as bright as it did the day he got the scroll.
“You will know when to open it.”
The past week had been…long, to say the least. Unique, for a long-life species to see a week as being long. But, Dan Heng couldn’t think of any other description that fit.
From running into the Luofu to sneaking onto the ship to ensure his friends’ safety to then having his identity as a Vidyadhara being revealed and then the matter of suppressing the Arbor to fighting Phantylia and then redoing the seals along with making sure Bailu wasn’t assassinated to the twisted reunion of the remaining Quintet members…
Yeah, Dan Heng thought that it was within more than enough reason to call the week long (and if anything that adjective felt like an understatement).
Still, it was in a way cathartic to have this all finally come to light. He had never wanted to hide his past from the rest of the Crew, but the fear of not knowing how they’d react had always kept him from ever revealing who he really was. Finally having that festering wound of worry lanced so it could heal felt amazing, and Dan Heng was even more fiercely willing to keep his small family safe.
It also felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders regarding the Luofu. He was finally able to walk through the ship as himself if he so pleased, no longer having to worry about being sent to the Shackling Prison. He didn’t have to take up the mantle of Imbibitor Lunae and he was assured that Bailu would be safe from those within the Vidyadhara who wished her harm.
And he had also been able to properly meet and talk to the man who had set him free all those years ago. To finally be able to try and know about the man who was a friend from a past that he didn’t have memories of.
Everything just. Fell into place in a way where Dan Heng felt for the most part content. Tired, yes, and of course he still had worries in his heart over certain matters. But he felt okay, and it was a feeling he relished after having spent so long in some form of distress.
So as he looked at the scroll in his hands, he finally knew that it was time.
Slowly, slender but calloused fingers gently undid the ribbon that kept the scroll shut. He delicately placed the maple leaf and ribbon onto the floor next to him, making a mental note to put them somewhere better.
With the scroll held in his hands, nothing keeping it shut, he only had to open it.
Still, Dan Heng couldn’t help but feel his hands tremble. He wasn’t sure if it was from fear or anticipation, but he took a breath to steady himself.
It was too late to back down now. And from the events that were bound to happen soon from going to Penacony to the words of Jingliu about the death of Yaoshi, Dan Heng wasn’t sure when he’d have another true moment of peace before his worrying got the best of him.
Slowly releasing the breath, Dang Heng carefully unrolled the scroll.
It was simple, the parchment was nothing fancy and lacked any embellishments on it. Cream-colored, if not a little more yellow from its age. But as he looked at what was on the scroll, Dan Heng couldn’t help but suck in a little bit of air.
To my next self,
It was only four words, but they told Dan Heng enough to know who wrote this scroll. Opening the rest of the scroll more quickly, he was met with lines of Dan Feng’s flowing calligraphy written in dark ink.
Immediately, Dan Heng felt the urge to close the scroll and never look at it again. To just. Pretend like he never had it in the first place.
He had come a long way with accepting himself, but he still wasn’t sure what to think about Dan Feng specifically.
However, he thought back to the Quintet. To the vicious fight between Blade and Jingliu, to the knowledge that those happy memories from long ago would always be shattered. He thought about the obvious…care that Dan Feng had for Baiheng and how he was willing to sacrifice it all for her.
And he thought about Jing Yuan. How the tall and powerful Arbiter-General seemed…small. Small and vulnerable as he stood and watched his master and old friend fight, uncaring if he was caught in the crossfire as he bowed his head and had messy bangs cover his eyes.
He thought about the tired but gentle smile that the General had given him when he asked if he was to be held responsible for Dan Feng’s sins. How the man had assured him that it was something only he, Dan Heng, could decide in a voice that sounded far too brittle.
And how the conversation had revealed to Dan Heng that Jing Yuan had always seen him as Dan Heng and no one else. How Jing Yuan had done all he could to ensure that Dan Heng could be free.
Jing Yuan had done so much for him. And he had been the one to give him this scroll.
Frowning, Dan Heng shook his head.
If Jing Yuan cared enough to give this to him, then surely the least Dan Heng could do is read it. He owed the other man so much, this was the least he could do.
So, steeling his nerves, he once again turned his eyes to the ink running across the scroll in elegant calligraphy.
To my next self…