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"Loki. To what do I owe the pleasure?"
"Can't a father drop in to see his son?"
"Maybe, but we both know that's not why you're here."
"I could be." Loki pouted.
"You're not. What do you want?"
"I wanted to meet the man that you think is good enough for you."
Tony sighed. "Ian!" he yelled, knowing exactly how the sniper would react to that. Sure enough his lover bounded around the corner, gun at the ready and quickly aimed at Loki. Tony half expected Ian to shoot, but he was too good of an agent for that.
"Is this guy bothering you? Do I need to show him the door?"
"He wanted to meet you."
Ian shot Tony a startled glance before glowering at Loki. "Who are you?"
"He doesn't scare easily, does he?" Loki murmured, tapping his elegant nails against his chin contemplatively.
"Why should I be scared of you?" Ian tilted his chin up defiantly.
"Because I could kill you in less than ten seconds."
"And I could do the same."
"Oh you think I'm human. That's precious. Does he not know about you, Anthony?"
"Don't call me, Anthony," Tony hissed.
"Oh. You're that one. I understand what you mean now, Tony."
"I told you, you would."
"What? What have you been telling people about me?" Loki demanded.
"The truth."
Loki sputtered. "You will prove to me that you are worthy of my son's hand."
Thus began the sniper versus the God trials. Sometimes Loki was so embarrassing. Tony was an adult. He didn't need his father coming in to judge his partners.
With a sigh, he settled in to watch this travesty. He knew better than to interfere in his father's fun even if he did wish the other man would leave him alone sometimes. Sadly, even with all his issues Loki was a better father than the adoptive father he'd known most of his life.
He wasn't even planning to marry Ian. This was all overkill in his book. Though, he was serious about Ian, so knowing whether his father approved could make future conversations easier.
Loki started by challenging Ian to come up with a wager that Ian would win. Tony frowned, well aware that the God of Mischief and Lies definitely had the advantage in this task. Ian wasn't one you could just count out even if it was something that shouldn't be a strength of his, he frequently managed to come out on top of a variety of things that he simply shouldn't be that good at. It was impressive.
Loki and Ian bartered back and forth for a bit, coming to agreement on terms of the wager. Finally, they shook on the wager. Now, it was time to implement the deal and see who came out the winner.
Tony honestly wasn't sure if Loki would be more impressed if Ian won or lost. His father could be a little weird when it came to expectations at times. Tony thought it had something to do with not wanting someone like Thor as a son-in-law.
With this particular challenge, it could be an attempt to humble the mortal or it could be a case of seeing if the mortal would attempt to pander to Loki in some fashion or it could simply be a case of trying to see what the mortal's strengths were. It's even possible that the whole purpose was to see how well the human did at bartering and keeping up with Loki. After all, most mortals Loki could talk rings around and easily get them to agree to a challenge that had a loophole Loki could easily exploit and thus win the challenge without even trying.
From what Tony had seen, Ian had done a good job of holding his own in the bartering portion, which should win him points with Loki. His father definitely preferred being challenged to someone who just rolled over and let him do whatever he wanted. As the purpose of these trials were to determine the worthiness of Ian for Tony, Tony knew his father would be taking into account Tony's preferences as well.
The two of them were currently sniping targets with rubber bands as supposedly neither of them would have the advantage that way. Tony doubted that was true on either side, but hopefully whatever experience they had that would give them the edge would balance out. Tony loved a good show, after all.
Loki had decided to add some pizazz and his rubber bands leaving his fingers started fireworks all around them. Some people would find it very distracting, but Tony knew Ian could handle it and wouldn't even be phased by it. Tony couldn't really tell who was winning, but they stopped ten minutes later and Loki dipped his body in a very small bow of respect to Ian.
Tony cringed as soon as he heard the next challenge that Loki issued. "Hey! Keep me out of this. I'm not involved in this craziness."
"But you are the only one who knows the correct answer to the questions about yourself. So it only makes sense for you to judge this contest," Loki pointed out.
Tony sighed. "Fine. I'm not asking the questions though."
"No problem." Loki waved a hand and an illusion appeared to play announcer for them.
Tony knew he would regret this. His father would definitely not hesitate to try and embarrass Tony with the questions asked.
"We'll start with an easy one. What are your intentions towards Tony?"
"Loki!" Tony exclaimed loudly in protest.
"What? Don't tell me you're not serious about him. I know better."
Tony could feel his cheeks hitting up. "Next question," he hissed.
Ian glanced at Tony and then back to Loki. "Ask me later and I'll tell you."
The God of Mischief glanced at the human, intrigued. "Be careful. I just might take you up on that offer."
"I'm counting on it." Ian grinned shark-like and all teeth.
"And that's enough of that," Tony ordered before Loki could escalate even more in his curiosity. "Next question."
"Spoilsport," Loki complained.
Tony glared at his father, silently ordering him to drop it.
"Oh very well." Loki huffed.
"What's Tony's favorite pizza?"
"Pepperoni, Sausage, and Extra Cheese,' Ian quickly answered.
"Everyone knows that," Tony protested.
"Boxers or Briefs?"
"Briefs," Loki answered.
"Wrong. Neither," Ian countered.
Tony smiled slightly. "Ian has it right."
"I didn't need to know that." Loki shot Tony a disappointed glance.
"You're the one who challenged Ian to a trivia competition about me." Tony rolled his eyes. "Serves you right."
"Impertinent son."
"You know it." Tony waved the announcer on.
They went through a few more questions that Tony didn't mind with Ian consistently getting them right and Loki only managing about half right. Tony should have known that Loki had a trick up his sleeve.
"It's time for the bonus round. All point values are doubled."
"What was Tony's dog's name when he was a kid?"
"He didn't have a dog."
"Wrong." Loki crowed gleefully. "His name was Fenrir."
"There's no way Ian would know that one, father. That's an unfair question."
Loki pouted, but Tony was unmoved. He gestured for the announcer to give the next question.
"What is his favorite childhood memory?"
"None. Senior was an asshole."
Loki snarled. "Do not mention that name in my presence. He stole my child from me with the help of Odin. However, I do believe Tony's favorite childhood memory was when his adoptive mother would take him to the movies."
"Good guesses, both of them, but you're both wrong." Tony smirked.
"Not possible." The God of Mischief narrowed his eyes at his son.
"Did you hear a lie in my answer?" Tony prompted.
"No. How do I not know your favorite childhood memory?"
"No one does.. It's not something I share as Senior ruined every single other happy childhood memory I had whenever he heard me talk about one."
Ian clenched his fist and glanced at Loki. "I'll help you kill him."
Loki's eyes flashed as a mad grin spread across his face. "Oh I do like the way you think."
"Yes, yes, you're both bloodthirsty when it comes to me. This is not an admirable quality."
"I disagree." Loki's lips curved into a devilish expression.
"Are we done with this farce then?"
Loki shook his head. "A couple more questions still."
Tony sighed. "You do realize I'm perfectly capable of picking and vetting my boyfriend without your help, right?"
"I know, but I have to make sure they're properly house broken."
"Ian is not a puppy." Tony crossed his arms and sent Loki an unhappy look.
"Tony's favorite gift," the announcer interrupted before they could get derailed anymore.
"Honey dust," Ian murmured.
"Happy memories," Loki countered.
"Hm." Tony mused. "You're both right, but in different ways. Thus, a tie."
"Final Question: What is the deepest desire of Tony's heart?"
"That's a tough one," Ian murmured.
"No cheating, dad," Tony warned.
Loki raised his hands in surrender. "I would never."
Tony just leveled him with a look, more than aware of just how much of a lie that was.
"To find a place where he belongs," Ian finally offered.
Loki huffed. "Fine. You win. You know my son well."
Ian winked at Tony. Tony smiled back, but he knew Loki wasn't done, yet. He just hoped that it would be over soon. It was Christmas and he wanted to go back to cuddling with Ian. His father could join them or not, he really didn't care.
"Lie to me," Loki ordered Ian.
Ian gave Loki a once over. "I am insanely attracted to you," he trailed off.
"That's not a lie." The God of Mischief glanced at his son in confusion.
"r son," Ian finished.
"Oh very well played, mortal."
"Thanks. Do you want to stay for Christmas dinner?"
"If you don't mind. I still need to pick your brain about your intentions, after all?"
Tony groaned. He'd known that Ian could hold his own, but he hadn't realized how well he would get along with his father. At least, neither of them would ever invite Senior.
"Let's get this holiday started then," Tony commanded, leading the way back into the house he shared with Ian.
Tony headed straight for the TV and popped a Christmas movie in, hoping that it would prevent Ian and Loki from collaborating too much while he made snacks for them. He quickly ran upstairs to grab the gifts for both Ian and his father and sneak them under the tree before starting on the popcorn and other snack foods. Once he was satisfied that there was plenty even if his father ate his weight in it, Tony brought the food out and sidled up to Ian, holding one of the larger bowls out towards his father to take while putting the second one next to Ian.
"Thank you," he muttered under his breath to Ian. "I know he's a bit much."
"Oh. I think he and I have an understanding."
"Perfect." Tony dropped a kiss on Ian's lips, relaxing against the other man and smiling appreciatively at both Ian and Loki. For once, he felt like this was what a family Christmas was supposed to feel like, even if his father was an unexpected and last minute guest. He wouldn't change any of it. This was perfect.