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Kazuki had a knack for getting into close scrapes and narrowly escaping. It both baffled Rei, and allowed him to put up with his troublemaking partner knowing whatever trouble he was in they would get out. All Rei had to do really was point and shoot and Kazuki would take care of the rest. It was leagues better paying than his contract killing alone which admittedly was needed less than espionage most of the time.
Rei was there for backup and that suited his taciturn personality, and desire to work less and game more attitude.
Unfortunately, the fact video games were his only expense besides take out and rent made him too reliable. Too valuable. He should have known by Kazuki’s skirt chasing, and gambling that the only reason he could have a lackadaisical attitude about every loss was that Rei was not just the professional backup, but a personal safety net.
Rei found this out when Kazuki showed up, soaked to the bone, sobbing and begging to stay.
Every alarm in his head went off and he’d allowed Kazuki into his apartment like a stray as the man laughed at himself with wet eyes, recounting his woes.
“You’re getting water on my floor,” was Rei’s only contribution to the conversation.
Kazuki had asked where he kept the towels and Rei had pointed him in the right direction, naturally following the other man like a shadow like he did on the job.
Kazuki dried off his hair and unpacked his duffel bag, stripping down and drying himself. Rei stood in the doorway because he was just Kazuki’s captive audience, caught in his path. Kazuki showered and was still talking to Rei who abandoned hi. Later Kazuki appeared in fresh clothes and went straight to his fridge.
“You don’t have any groceries.”
Rei pointedly put on his headset and ignored him.
With a heaved sigh he couldn’t hear, Kazuki left the apartment. Rei only got up to lock the door behind him, a bit bewildered by the whirlwind but soon settled into a night of playing Xbox until he heard pounding at his door an hour later.
He grabbed his handgun, approaching the door carefully only to hear Kazuki yelling for him to open up.
He did and let Kazuki trudge into his house, grocery bags hanging off his arms.
Rei closed the door after him and watched as the other man started putting things away and asking him questions he wouldn’t answer.
“I don’t have places for any of that so I don’t care where you put it.”
“Really? What do you even live off of?”
“Conbini bentou.”
“Ah. Well I can make something way better than that.”
It was really good food it turned out, but Rei only remarked, “It’s okay.”
It was worth seeing the other man blow up, frustrated, “Liar! Ungrateful!”
Rei took his plate to the living room.
They went on like that. Kazuki harping at Rei until he had him trained to put his laundry in the new hamper, to put the dishes in the sink, to remember to eat. Kazuki took over the finances and Rei found that he liked not worrying about it. He entrusted everything to his partner and lived even more carefree than before if you could call it that.
“With combined finances we could—“
“Okay. Just stop talking, I want my headphones on.”
“You-! Listen to me, it’s not as easy as that! Look.”
Rei sighed heavily and paused his game, eyeing Kazuki warily.
“Marry me.”
“Hah?”
Kazuki was wearing one of his shirts under his house apron. He recognized the soft, worn black fabric. Rei noted the shirt was too small for his partner’s broader frame. He was looking at him with those determined, maroon eyes that for once lacked any playfulness.
“Rei.”
“I’m listening.”
“If you marry me, we could wash our money easier. Since it’s forged anyway we can divorce at any time, but also. Our money can go to the same place and I wouldn’t have to ask to borrow from your share all the time.”
“My money is my money.”
“What about groceries? And with both of us here—“
“I pay my rent.”
“Utilities have gone up with me here, Rei. And I…have debt. We’re both alone. Aren’t we, Rei?”
Why should I help you with that is his first thought, but he glances around. He’s started keeping plants again. The curtains are open to let the light hit them. He forgets, but Kazuki remembers to turn them for him so they don’t grow lopsided. The air smells fresh, this time it’s teakwood and something. Some kind of plug-in that Kazuki changes. Rei had picked this one because it smelled like Kazuki’s cologne a little bit. He’s still full from breakfast. It had been his favorite, mackerel and rice with an egg cracked over it. His game console had been dusted and cleaned so it wasn’t making that weird sound anymore. His clothes were softer now, and he had more choices ever since the implementation of the hamper. He no longer used his fourteen in one shampoo and noticed his scalp wasn’t so itchy from being dry as hell. Kazuki had practically screeched that he was putting industrial strength detergent on his head. His skin was cracking less because of that too. Kazuki had also introduced him to strawberry flavored toothpaste and it wasn’t until then that he realized he hated the sensory nightmare of mint. He thought of Kazuki starting a bath for him after particularly hard missions and making sure it was scrubbed down for Rei to sleep in later.
“Do what you want.”
Kazuki just threw up his hands as Rei threw on headphones.
Married huh. It didn’t really matter since he couldn’t…
He had never loved anyone, and didn’t think he was capable. He had loved his father the way any child did and yearned for his affection. Like a kicked dog who was just happy to see his owner home.
He briefly looked to Kazuki who was at the kitchen table typing away on his computer.
If anything he was surprised the skirt chaser was the one suggesting it. He seemed like the kind of guy to play around too much and knock someone up. Although, Rei could admit Kazuki was much more responsible domestically than he has presumed. He hadn’t thought about the Kazuki outside of of work before they cohabitated. A dark thought took hold of Rei once he entertained that maybe Kazuki just needed a strong partner. Someone to cast a shadow on his light and keep him from straying too far. Someone to pull him back a bit.
The old ball and chain.
Rei flushed with embarrassment at how appealing that sounded to have a hold on someone like that. He couldn’t.
Kazuki was going to gamble. Kazuki was going to buy drinks and pay for hostesses’ time. There was no changing that regardless of if it was written somewhere on a forged marriage license that he belonged to Rei.
So Rei just forgot about it eventually in between the release of Call of Duty Warzone and Elden Ring. The only difference was that the occasional dating sim was thrown in. He had decided to try the genre.
He forgot all about the marriage.
That was until Miri came along and they had to forge her documents to join preschool. It had been some time since they faced something like this and Rei didn’t see what Kazuki was whining about when he was the one who’d been kicked awake by their kid.
He took up a napkin to wipe at Miris face, sighing, “What is it?”
“Having different last names makes it a little harder on us than other parents. When it was day care it was a little easier.”
Rei remembers their fanfareless engagement then.
“I didn’t see you jumping at the chance to take my name.”
“HAH?!”
“Suwa Kazuki,” Rei intones.
“Suwa Kazuki Papa!” Miri chimes in, and Rei pats her head.
Kazuki splutters, “No! That—I meant Miri’s name!”
“Unasaka Miri!” Miri cheers.
“Suwa Miri and Suwa Kazuki.”
“Usuwa Miri!” Miri half-agrees thoughtfully and Kazuki just stares at them before exploding.
“You can’t just slap your name onto everything!”
“Kurusu Rei. Kurusu Miri.”
Kazuki’s mouth hangs open as Rei lets the syllables drag out before tickling fingers into Miri’s side with a dull, “Don’t want it.”
Of course she chants it back at him with a screech over and over giggling and Rei looks to Kazuki.
“See?”
Kazuki has gone red in the face and grumbles as he washes his breakfast plate so hard Rei thinks he’s removing the pattern. He stops tickling their daughter to move over to the sink and puts his hands over Kazuki’s gently.
“Let me do it. You made breakfast and you’re the one that likes doing paperwork.”
“I don’t like it!” he protests, “I’m the only one who doesn’t make sloppy work of it!”
He still eases tanned hands away with one hand as the other gently digs fingers at the small of his back, unlacing his apron in one deft movement that snaps the ties against his hand.
“H-hey!”
“Relax. Play with Miri or paperwork.”
At that Miri runs over the way he knew she would to tug at Kazuki’s hand, “Play with Miri Suwa Kazuki Papa!”
“Apron.”
Before Kazuki can, he’s sure to brush cold fingers along his nape to pull it up over his head. Kazuki hisses and sends him a look that reminds him of a wounded cat.
His hair is soft as it always is and Rei finds himself thinking about it for far too long that he’s startled when Miri and Kazuki add their dishes to his work with a squeal and boyish laugh respectively.
It goes by quickly as he watches them play airplane and spin in so many circles in the living room even Rei feels dizzy and buoyant with it. Like he could fly too and he does when he’s done. He lifts Miri over his head as Kazuki makes the plane sounds for them both because Miri has decided he does them the best.
Later, Rei is playing games long after Miri and Kazuki have gone to bed but the hairs on the back of his neck raise.
He takes off his headphones and lets his game play, almost grabbing the gun he keeps strapped to his ankle before he sees Kazuki blearily walking into the kitchen. He waves at Rei sleepily and Rei awkwardly raises a hand.
He resumes his game, headphones off when the other man plops down beside him, much too close and leaning against him. Rei sees “YOU DIED.” appear on the screen but isn’t mad because the hair on his arms is standing to attention. He wants to lean into him back. He desperately wants Kazuki to do that thing again. That thing he did last time he had a nightmare where he had run his fingers along his arms and threaded them with Rei’s. He’d felt like he’d filled more than the empty spaces between his fingers. He’d felt safe.
His brain is buzzing with these thoughts. He thinks of taking the other man’s hands in his own. He’s frightened with the same thing that’s been plaguing him this past year when they get close like this. They’ve become casually intimate with their touches even without sharing a bed which has become more common. Sometimes he’ll even wake up in the blond’s arms or vice versa and it frightens him to be caught. Even though he’s sure Kazuki knows that they gravitate towards one another when no one is watching. He knows he is the reason they’ve cast whatever this is into the shadows no matter how positively Kazuki reacts.
Before he can move, Kazuki is rubbing his face into Rei’s shoulder with a little hum. His voice has gone whiny in a way that Rei knows his daughter has started to copy to get her way from Rei. It has a terrifying success rate.
“Were you serious?”
“About what?” Rei starts his game again and Kazuki threads his arms over Rei’s right, his fingers grazing the inside of his wrist. He can’t help the tremor that goes through him. His gut flutters.
He bites his lip, “You know I hate when you play with my arms when I play.”
“That’s news to me. Come to bed, Rei. Please? We have to look at the preschool tomorrow and enroll. Early.”
“Mm.”
“It’s so cold by myself Rei Papa, please?”
He shivers at the warmth of his best friend’s breath at his neck. Curse him for being taller. He’s looming over him right now and he knows what he’s doing. Rei doesn’t have to look at him to know the expression on his face. He chances a look out of the corner of his eye and yup.
He looks back to the screen, seeing he’s died again.
Kazuki looks sleep soft and smug. His cheek is pressed to Rei’s shoulder and his blond hair is messier with sleep.
“After this.”
“Yay.” Kazuki yawns.
“What,” His throat is dry and he swallows hard, his jaw working around what he wants to say when Kazuki stands. He says a too soft, “Wait.”
“Just getting water for you.”
He stares after him. He watches tanned arms move in his grey thermal that’s much too tight on him. It hugs his muscles and when Kazuki catches him staring, he just smiles, “You keep saying you want to play but seem distracted. Did you want to play with me instead?”
Rei scowls and opens his mouth to deny it when Kazuki skips over with his water and a wink, offering it with a flourish like one of his hostesses, “Just kidding~!”
Rei downs the glass in a couple of swallows and wipes his mouth, “What were you asking me about?”
“Hm?” Kazuki blinks cutely but Rei pats the place next to him and he obediently sits. Rei pauses, giving his partner a chance to scoot close. He doesn’t know how to ask for it. He knows it would sound stupid coming from him. He’s never been able to articulate his wants clearly but Kazuki always waits. Or he fills the silence until Rei is ready.
As always he can’t say it. I want your hands on me. I’m cold too. Can you go back to how you were?
Can you hold me?
Do you think if you held me long enough you could start to love me?
Kazuki stays where he’s at and Rei’s side feels colder without him pressed to it. Then again, Kazuki is more cuddly the less awake he is.
He goes back to his game, but doesn’t enter the boss door again. Instead he runs around in the level, “Was I serious about what? What were you asking me about?”
He looks to the other man who laughs, rubbing at his nape, “Miri taking your name.”
“Of course.”
“And,” Kazuki takes a breath, voice softer than Rei has ever heard it. He can’t look away from dark, red-brown eyes, “And me? What about me?”
“You know the answer.”
Kazuki deflates with a soft laugh, “Oh.”
He takes his hand, “If you’re that disappointed we can take your name.”
Kazuki looks up from his lap, happiness transforming his face into something boyish and fond. Rei knows why hostesses want to pick on and bully him so much for money.
“Suwa is perfect.”
“Okay.” Rei says. He saves his game and seeing this Kazuki takes his glass to the sink for him before trotting off to their room.
He rolls his eyes and follows him as the screen and his console go dark to find his partner. He huffs irritatedly to see Kazuki spread eagled across the bed. It’s just so they can play a little before sleeping, reminding Rei that Miri is also Kazuki’s daughter and uses this tactic against him too.
He manhandles him to his side, or tries before they’re wrestling one another, Kazuki giggling and Rei cursing. Rei tries to pin him down or shove him back to his side of the bed, but Kazuki is heavier than him, broader. Rei ends up trapped under him and it’s Kazuki that ends up pinning his arms to his sides in a bear hug. Rei isn’t complaining because he physically can’t with the way his face is squished between clothed pecs and a heaving chest. That is until he manages to dig his fingers into his sides and hips and Kazuki has to clap his hands over his mouth to keep his laughter quiet.
He’s whisper-yelling, “Stop! Stop! I give up!”
Rei rolls his eyes and settles down, both of them are side by side, staring at the ceiling and panting.
“What time do we have to be up tomorrow,” Rei asks.
“Eight.”
Groaning, Rei turns away from him but the blond catches his shoulder to turn him back, “I’m sorry okay? But this paperwork needs to go through!”
“You just want to be a Suwa so bad.”
Rei regrets saying it because Kazuki stops touching him and his face is hard to see in the dark.
“Not at all.” Kazuki says and Rei doesn’t want his eyes to adjust anymore than they already have. He turns his face away from his partner, “Go to sleep.”
“Sweet dreams, Rei-kun.”
Kazuki is such a bad liar. How is he not as embarrassed as Rei is? That nervous “Not at all” might as well have been a confession. But that just leaves Rei suddenly wide awake with the knowledge that Kazuki does want his last name.
Kazuki…doesn’t quite belong to him. But this is close.
He still falls asleep before Kazuki.
He wakes up to Miri stepping on his head. He doesn’t get any time to recover before she’s falling onto him, “Rei Papa! Breakfast! Breakfast!”
Groaning, he explains to his daughter that that’s no way to wake anyone up but she starts crying when she learns that she hurt him.
Rei sighs, talking lowly to Miri with patience and letting her wet his shirt with tears and snot.
It’s still six in the morning.
What the fuck. He wasn’t expecting to have to get up until seven. How far away is the preschool? Or are they changing their names today? Fuck if he knows.
He brushes his teeth with a sniffling Miri on his hip and the only time she cheers up is when Rei tells her, “Let’s spit together.”
“I already brushed my teeth!”
“We can still spit anyway.”
“Ohhhh!”
It’s stupid but it works. They end up spitting longer than Rei intended because Kazuki comes looking for him and Miri makes him spit in the sink too.
At his partner’s quizzical look Rei starts a monotone chant of “Just do it! Just do it!”
Sure enough Miri follows along in bullying Kazuki even if she’s too cheery of a kid to copy his monotone it’s no less intense. He hi-fives their daughter once Kazuki complies as he knew he would.
Miri insists on eating while sat in Rei’s lap and he holds back a sigh. This is his punishment and he knows Kazuki thinks the same from his smug grin.
Sure enough Miri accidentally slaps him with a spoonful of omurice when telling him how excited she is for preschool and gets her sticky little kid hands on his pajamas and his face. At least the omurice is good. He and Miri both need a bath though.
Kazuki watches them from across the table on his laptop as he eats, content to listen and laugh.
It’s as he’s clearing away the plates that it happens. Miri is complaining about the bath until she learns she’s sharing with Rei Papa to save time that Kazuki touches him. He sweeps back his hair, pulling it, and hums standing over him.
Rei freezes, eyes looking to him as Kazuki tugs his hair. He bites his lip, “You need a hair cut, Rei. Your sides are coming in. Want me to do it after your shower? We have time.”
“Yes.”
“Hurry up then, partner.”
He pulls his hair again before letting go to take his plate and Rei’s breath comes out shaky, heart pounding. Miri barrels out from the bathroom naked to ask him what’s taking him so long to start the bath and Rei tries to forget nails scraping against the shorn part of his hair against his scalp.
He wants to ask Kazuki to do that whenever he wants but doesn’t know how. It gets bottled up with every other unanswered request to Kazuki because he’s not brave enough to ask. What if he had asked and Kazuki never wanted to?
A lot more water ends up outside of the tub than in and Kazuki scolds them both. Rei is knelt on the floor with Miri, contrite until he asks irritatedly, “Can I put clothes on now?”
“Ah—“ his face goes red, but he shakes his head. “Just wear a towel. You’re going to have to rinse off the hair, Rei.”
He just grunts at him in response, complying after telling Miri to pick a lucky outfit for the preschool interview.
Kazuki has him sit in a chair away from the kitchen and tuts at him, “It’s not dry enough.”
“It needs to be wet to cut it!” Rei gripes but Kazuki is already leaving to grab a towel. He dries Rei’s hair than drapes it over his shoulders.
He can’t help the tremble of his body when Kazuki smooths the towel purposely over his chest, or when he starts combing his hair back. Rei let’s out a too soft sigh when strong hands brush over his sensitive neck. Then a groan as Kazuki rolls his thumbs into a firm massage against it, “You’re so tense, Rei Papa. Maybe when we’re done today you’ll let me make it better hm?”
He can’t answer with more than a sharp little hitch of his breath when Kazuki finally starts on his hair.
Tease, he wants to say.
Kazuki is always teasing him without knowing it. His body aches for him wherever he’s touched, starting fires and just letting them burn out of control for Rei to deal with. Typical.
His head is cradled as Kazuki buzzes his hair. He closes his eyes, trying to memorize the feeling of strong and oddly soft fingers against his jaw, his temple, and his neck. He feels dreamy. Like he’s absolute putty in Kazuki’s hands.
“Voila! Perfecto.” Kazuki says, rubbing the life back into him through the newly shorn sides of Rei’s head. Rei thanks him and goes to rinse off the hair, Kazuki’s soft “Any time,” making him walk faster.
He knows.
Kazuki always does this for him now.
“Now my hair! My hair!” Miri barrels out from her room as Kazuki is sweeping away Rei’s hair. She clambers into the chair and Kazuki gives her a fond smile.
“I’ll grab her hair ties, Kaz.”
“Thanks Rei.”
When Rei is decent again, hair up and casual suit on, so is Miri.
Kazuki has put her hair in space buns and Rei clips her little bangs back with bunnies and stars. He tugs at her little mochi cheek, “Get your coat on, little bun.”
She scurries off and Rei stands to look at Kazuki who’s smiling dumbly at him, “You too. Get your coat on.”
“No nickname for me?” Kazuki laughs and Rei scowls.
He stalks over and Kazuki holds up his hands, “Just ki—“
Rei grabs his cheeks roughly and pulls a little meanly, “Get your coat, husband.”
Kazuki goes still until the pain in his cheeks is too much to ignore and he pulls away whining, “Stop!”
His face stays red even as they pile into the car.
It went well.
Rei thinks. He let Kaz do most of the talking but the people conducting the interview had roped him in.
“What are you hoping for Miri?”
“I want her healthy. I want her happy. She’s so smart we could put her anywhere and she would be fine. But we want the best.”
People were always put off by how blunt he was but this time everyone was delighted. All smiles. Uncomfortable, he looked to his partner but looked away. There were stars in his eyes that Rei wasn’t used to.
They left the preschool, Miri holding either hand to link them.
They must look like a family.
“Rei Papa was so cool back there! Wasn’t he!” Kazuki fake-gushes and Miri squeezes his hand tight.
“Papa Rei is always cool!”
Kazuki laughs at his embarrassment. He must know from the hunch of his shoulders. He dips down to pull Miri into his arms and Kazuki protests, “What about Papa Kazuki!”
They ignore him as Miri clings to Rei’s neck and he hugs her to his chest, “I’m glad.”
“But you’re not smiling!”
Kazuki singsongs, “How are you glad if you don’t smile?”
“I’m happy.” Rei insists, “I’m always happy when Miri is here.”
Miri giggles, “Me! Just me.”
Rei runs a fond hair through her hair, “Just you, little bun. And Papa Kaz.”
He reaches for Kazuki’s hand but diverts to pat his shoulder instead.
They get ice cream and go home.
It’s when they’re alone after Miri has gone to bed after two bedtime stories and a shut door behind them that Kazuki tugs his hair.
Kazuki smiles at him, “Your…ears? They’re pierced? How have I never noticed that? I saw today when cutting your hair.”
“Mm.”
“Why don’t you wear earrings huh? It seems a waste.”
Rei’s mouth twists, “It was stupid to get them.”
He’d gotten them to spite his father and had been beaten within an inch of his life.
“I think you’d look handsome. If I bought you some would you wear them?”
“…maybe.”
Kazuki hummed thoughtfully tugging at Rei’s earlobe, “Silver.”
“Sure?”
Kazuki goes off to his own room as Rei heads to the living room to game.
Rei doesn’t take Kazuki up on that offer of a massage that he offered during his hair cut but he thinks about it too much and needs to distract himself.
Rei has started the Last of Us 2. He reads the comments online and becomes defensive of Ellie and Dina. They just care for one another so deeply what does it matter if they’re women. He knows it’s more than that. Ellie and Dina are in love. They’re in love and it takes everything in Rei not to take up his keyboard to argue that there is nothing wrong with that. He considers watching the show but it’s getting review bombed hard by people who hate people like him. It makes him watch out of spite and he wants to cry only a little. He knows those reviews are there and wishes he could tell them they’re dead wrong.
Instead he stays a lurker without a voice.
It bothers him. As he wakes to the smell of breakfast and goes to his daughter first to let her know it’s ready. As he holds his and Miri’s plate out for Kazuki to fill. As Kazuki sits across from them and they scarf it down he realizes he’s angry for no reason.
He and Kazuki aren’t like his games.
They don’t stare into each other’s eyes and make declarations. They aren’t lovey dovey.
Kazuki doesn’t love him but they’re married.
That for all intents and purposes Kazuki acts as his wife even though he will galavant with hostesses. Even though he prefers women even though…
He’s never loved women the way Kazuki does. Rei doesn’t love anyone.
They had drunk together once. Kazuki had lamented that hot guys like him had all the luck.
Then why don’t I have any luck with you, Rei had thought.
Rei was always himself and that worked until Kazuki.
He thinks of Kazuki with every unsent response to the hate. Why can’t you love another (wo)man. Why is that your problem because it isn’t something you know or understand? Isn’t art about sharing experience. Isn’t video games at its core about having fun?
He isn’t having fun now and is in a foul mood that Miri alleviates. She wants to watch him play and only interrupts to tell him she wants to play Mario Party.
He loves Mario Party and even more that Kazuki sucks at it but still takes up a controller.
Kazuki tries hard but even Miri beats him. Soon she gets bored and quits to nap and Rei turns on his game, unresponsive to Kazuki as he silently fumes without Miri to distract him.
“You okay?” Kazuki asks, “You’re more brooding than usual.”
Rei almost says nothing, but instead he opens up his phone, the tabs are still open and hands it to Kazuki. He watches his reaction carefully.
“That. Aren’t you playing this one, Rei?”
Rei nods and takes his phone back to open the bombing reviews of the show to show to Kazuki again.
Kazuki’s frown is more pronounced, “What assholes.”
A bit of the tension ekes out of him at that and Kazuki goes on, “They’re wrong. There’s nothing disgusting about love you know? It doesn’t matter what shape it comes in when two people fall for one another. Like why would someone choose to have a harder time?”
Rei nods emphatically, then it hits him.
“You chose to though. I know it was for laundering the money, and easier since we live together but—“
“What.” Kazuki looks shocked.
“People look at us that way you know? But you like women so I don’t see why you wanted to be tied down to me when you don’t have to be. It was working out before, wasn’t it?”
Rei wishes he had never spoken. Kazuki lets loose an airy laugh. His smile doesn’t reach his eyes that now dart away from Rei’s, “You want to divorce me already? Haven’t I been good to you, Rei?”
“Sorry.”
“No you, you’re right. I was being selfish and I didn’t think of your feelings or if you wanted to pursue someone when I…I didn’t think you cared what I did.”
“I don’t.” Rei says, frustrated with himself. “It’s just I don’t think you put much thought into it.”
“I’m sorry.” Kazuki says and Rei sighs to turn on his game.
“It’s fine.”
“Can we hold off until the next school year?”
Rei’s throat is tight, “For Miri, yes.”
That isn’t where he wanted that conversation to go, but it clears up a lot Rei was worried about. Maybe he’ll stop feeling this way. Maybe Kazuki will stop being so sweet and go back to being the most aggravating man he knows. Maybe Kazuki will go back to nagging and dragging him along and it won’t pull at his heartstrings.
The next day Kazuki announces they have work. The only problem is that they need someone to watch Miri for two days. Rei is itching to pull the trigger on someone but his gut is in knots with the anxiety of being away from Miri longer than a day.
“If we finish early it will only be a day,” Kazuki tries to reassure him.
Rei just sighs, “We need to vet this sitter hard.”
“I know that. Full background check and everything, Rei.”
“Okay. Keep me in the loop.”
Kazuki looks at him puzzled, “Rei, she’s our baby. Of course I want you there with me. Us divorcing doesn’t change that.”
Rei’s mouth twists on that, “You’re not going to move out are you?”
“Ah. Did you want me to?”
“No, I want you to do what you want.”
“I like it here…both of us and Miri. We’re still her Papas.”
And after? After she’s in college? After she’s grown into a woman will you leave me?
Rei feels sick, but he’s done this to himself. This is better for Kazuki who still gambles. Who still comes home smelling of perfume and cheap wine. Kazuki who plays the honeypot role too well because he enjoys it. Kazuki who has a faded hickey on his neck from their last job. Kazuki who makes him so frustrated and angry with jealousy he has no right to act on because he was born a man.
They find a sitter. She’s an overachieving college student going into childcare with no criminal record who needs the money. Rei isn’t surprised when Kazuki provides a thin folder of Miri’s routine and lets her know where there’s wiggle room. He lets her know what constitutes an emergency and when to drop off and pick up Miri from daycare. Rei stares at her as she answers, ready to shut this down at any time as Kazuki leads the conversation.
He sees the way her eyes linger on Kazuki as he gives a house tour with Miri on his hip. She blushes when they brush hands and sweeps her hair behind her ear when she responds. Rei supposes she’s pretty. She’s too young for Kazuki but he doesn’t know if college age twenty two year olds are his thing. It’s the kind of scenario he sees in otome games more than his regular dating sims. Your Name the baby sitter falling for the single dad.
Single huh?
That thought depresses him.
He’s startled out of his thoughts as they move to Miri’s room.
“She’s really good at sleeping alone,” Rei says, “But if she wakes up you might have to read her something or call us to read her something so she can wind down. Kazuki is the reader. He does all the stupid voices.”
Kazuki’s mouth drops open, “Hey!”
“If she just seems like she needs reassurance, call me.”
“Ah, I see.” Kasumi, the sitter says carefully. She looks to him, then Kazuki, “Is there anything else I should call you for?”
Kazuki grabs his shoulder and Rei looks back at him to see his strained smile, “I’m the primary parent for most things.”
“Oh I see,” she seems to be embarrassed, twisting her pinky ring around her finger.
“That concludes the tour!”
They dress Miri for the park before they head out. Unlike Rei, Kasumi engages with Miri and smiles easily. Kazuki takes her aside when Rei indicates it’s time to go and Rei calls to Miri, kneeling down.
“Miri.”
“Rei Papa!”
He kisses her little temple, heart aching as he cradles her close, “We have work, Miri, remember what we talked about?”
“I don’t want you to go…”
“We’ll be right back. Day after tomorrow.”
“I want to today…”
“I know.” Rei sighs, pulling away, “Love of my life, I need you to be brave for Papa okay? And I need you to keep an eye on our new friend Miss Kasumi and keep her out of trouble okay?”
“Un.”
He holds her face in his hands, “I’ll be back soon.”
“I don’t want you to go…”
He pats her head and she starts to sniffle. He stands and Kazuki is staring at him with Kasumi at his side. Rei blushes, pushing Miri at him. She launches herself at Kazuki’s leg, “You too?”
He steps away and is irritated to see Kasumi has followed him, “I’ll take good care of her and—“
“You’ll call. I know.”
“You’re so sweet with her, I know it isn’t easy but I’ll text you updates?”
“Please.”
Kazuki has to drag him away and he waves to Miri, “Be good little bun.”
As soon as they’re in the car Kazuki stares at him like he’s grown another head.
“What.”
“Why are you so worried?”
“We haven’t spent a night away from her in months. Of course I’m worried. Kyu-chan can’t watch her.”
“I know but what else can we do?”
“I know it’s necessary. Stop harping at me.”
“I’m not! You just—you weren’t very involved or talkative even if you wanted to be part of things. And then the sooner it gets to go time you suddenly—“
“Just drive.”
“You…” Kazuki starts weakly but seems to think better of it. He starts the car and pulls away.
Rei keeps his head turned until Miri’s pink jacket is out of sight.
“Wake me when we get there.”
“You’re not even gonna stay up at all and talk to me?! It’s a long drive!”
“What’s there to talk about?”
Kazuki looks like a kicked puppy, his red eyes too wet before he blinks and it’s gone. Rei wonders if his mind played tricks on him but knows he was trained to be more observant. He hurt Kazuki but won’t take it back. Instead he lays back his seat and closes his eyes. Kazuki puts on the radio.
It’s night when they arrive at the hotel. Kazuki has their keycards ready. It’s the kind of place that plays at luxury with gold painted rails and hollow marble columns. It has red carpets and Ancient Grecian decor. It’s tacky.
Rei has his duffel bag slung over his shoulder and Kazuki has nothing but one of the key cards. They’re stopped at the desk, “Excuse me. Can I help you?”
“We’re headed to our rooms.” Kazuki and Rei flash the keycards and the staff member’s eyes go wide. He bows and apologizes profusely.
With his charm, Kazuki disarms the situation with a smile and they head towards the elevator.
The doors close and Kazuki sighs, “These hallway cameras will be a problem Rei.”
“Hm.”
“Come on man. You gotta give me somethin.”
“You need to take out the power.”
“I told you. We need the doors to work.”
“So I’ll bust it down.”
“It has to be discreet!”
“I’ll go through the balcony.”
“Street cameras Rei.”
Rei sighs.
“I’ve got a copy of the housekeeping key like I said I would. So just help me brainstorm here.”
I wish I had brought my 3DS was the only thing Rei could think of but he knew the street passes would give away their location.
They arrive on the second floor.
They’re supposed to kill the target in his room it’s just a matter of how. He’s supposed to be dead before the night is over because first thing in the morning he has a flight back to China. They’re already running out of time.
The best thing would be posing as housekeeping, but there are cameras everywhere and the target has his Do Not Disturb sign outside the door. Rei is very much in favor of going in, shooting him and then breaking into the security room to scrub the camera.
Kazuki always makes things too convoluted. It’s killing someone. Not rocket science.
The first thing when they get inside, Rei assembles his gun and takes out his bolt cutter.
“Here’s the plan.” Rei says as he lays back on the bed, and Kazuki lets out the most offended gasp.
“No!”
“What we’re gonna do is-“
Kazuki slaps a hand next to Rei’s head, looming over him, “We are not doing anything crazy and guns blazing. We’re losing the high paying jobs Rei!”
“Because you keep complicating simple shit. I love her, but Miri complicated and ruined a lot. We’ve got it now that it’s been almost a year, but you keep making bad calls.”
Kazuki’s eyes widened, “What? Rei?”
Rei put a hand to his chest and shoved him away so he could sit up. Kazuki’s heart beat a rapid staccato against his palm, “You heard me Kaz.”
“You don’t trust me.”
Rei looked into his red eyes and stared.
“You’re getting rid of me. Aren’t you? Little by little…”
“You’re the primary caregiver. Then I’m the lead out here.”
Kazuki jolts, “Rei you know I didn’t mean-“
“But you said it.”
He shoves him away, “Now you’re going to get your ass to wherever the security office is, slut yourself out or whatever it is that you do and shut off those cameras so I can do what I do. And then we lay low until we can leave to get my kid.”
Kazuki’s face hardens and he shoves Rei back, teeth bared as he spits, “That’s not fair when you’re the one who’s always pushing me away! You’re my partner! If you can’t trust me then why the hell are you still here?”
“Miri.”
Kazuki deflates, all the fight knocked out of him.
“What did I do, Rei?”
Rei looks away to grab for his gun, “Do what I told you. I want this done already.”
Kazuki instead grabs the front of his suit jacket, “No! Tell me! You’re so cold towards me now! What have I done? I’m sorry I said I was the primary parent just—I know you hate talking to people so I thought to spare y—“
“Spare me?” Rei growls, prying Kazuki’s hand away, “Spare me? You don’t think about me. All you think about is yourself.”
Kazuki’s eyes go wide, “What?”
Rei stands and grabs Kazuki’s shirt this time. He walks him backwards until he can shove him hard into the wall, “We’re on the job. Either help me with my way or end up cleaning up after me like you always do. Which do you think Kyu-chan will hate less.”
Kazuki’s eyes dart around his face, searching for what, Rei doesn’t know.
“Okay,” he exhales shakily, “Okay.”
“Good.”
Everything he’d bottled up came out wrong. He lets go of the other man and pulls back his hair. It’s time to put childish things away. He shouldn’t have given Kazuki that much. He’d shown him weakness and where had that gotten him? His face is hot with shame, his throat closing around the lump in it so hard that it hurts. Worse is his heart. It feels so wrong in his chest, hurting like he’s wounded. His eyes sting but he doesn’t cry. Not where anyone can see. He slicks back his hair and ties it.
He’s not a person anymore, he’s a machine. He’s a weapon loaded and aimed with lethal precision.
He focuses on putting the safety off his gun and speaks lowly to Kazuki, “Go.”
“H-how will I let you know the cameras are down?”
“You won’t. Twenty minutes after that door closes behind you, I’m heading to him to finish the job regardless of of it’s done or not.”
“Okay.”
Kazuki heads out, face blandly smiling. Rei sees it for the mask it is but he has his own firmly in place too.
It’s like when they first met.
Rei has to slow his breathing so he doesn’t panic as Kazuki heads out the door.
He should have stopped him. What could he even say if he did?
How could he even begin to explain how angry with himself he was? How angry he was with Kazuki?
How afraid he was to lose Miri and how stupid it was that against all instincts he had let Kazuki find a weapon to twist into his back.
It wasn’t like Rei was ever going to kick him out when he was feeding him like a kept pet. His stomach turned. Was that what he was? The cash cow? Ever since they’d married Kazuki had been paying down his debts by budgeting both of their money. He didn’t remember the last time Kazuki had mentioned getting his own place or saw a listing on his computer.
And now there was their daughter.
A lifetime’s investment of easy access to Rei.
It was the only thing that made sense except-
If he ignored the past year, maybe he could delude himself into thinking he was another of Kazuki’s marks.
A honeypot scam where the target was so stupid and affection starved he let him become someone he cared about without having even gotten any honey. Someone he wanted to raise a child with. Someone he wanted to love him back.
Rei checked his watch. He wanted to crawl into the tub and sleep when this was over with.
3…
2…
1!
He threw open his door with a gloved hand and shot someone’s door that started to open. They shut it immediately and Rei cursed.
He raced down the hall to the target’s door and slid the key card inside. It beeped and he gently pushed the door forward only to see the top latch was in place. He quickly went back, the door started closing but he kicked it hard on the handle and heard it snap.
“What!”
Rei heard the gunshot and felt it hit but kept shooting, eyes trained on his target and watching him fall. He caught the door before it shut, pressing his other hand down over the top of his shoulder to put pressure on.
The man was bleeding out, choking on blood. Rei had hit good spots. He’d be dead in minutes so he retreated, thinking to leave out the balcony when the lights went out.
Kazuki…
He headed out the door and walked into pitch darkness, arms outstretched to feel along the wall.
“Rei?”
He headed towards Kazuki’s voice, running into their open door before his partner pulled him inside.
Kazuki turned his phone light on and Rei winced, seeing spots when Kazuki gasps.
“Your shoulder!”
“I know.”
“Let me-“
“No.”
“Rei don’t be stupid! You’re hurt!” Kazuki whisper yells.
“I know. I’ve got it.”
“Let me do this for you. Please, just this last thing Rei? Rei…I’m begging you, man. Talk to me? Let me help you.”
“You can’t.”
He shoves Kazuki away and moves to shut himself in the bathroom. He turns on his own phone light and can’t really see the damage at first until he shines the light and sees the blood staining his suit.
Fuck. They need to leave.
He opens the door, hitting Kazuki with it and tells him, “We need to go. This is bad.”
“What do you mean it’s bad?”
“Police’ll be here and what do we tell ‘em?”
“It’s more suspicious if we go.”
The lights flicker back on and Rei isn’t ready to see Kazuki’s crying face.
His red eyes are liquid with tears that pool up but won’t fall because he keeps blinking them away, “You said cleaning up after you is all I’m good for so let me.”
Rei sighs, looking away, chest tight from too many feelings swelling with it. Also it’s hard to breathe right with a gunshot wound to the shoulder as the adrenaline keeping the pain at bay bleeds right out of you.
He’s been shot before. It’s no big deal.
Kazuki ushers him into the bathroom and has him sit on the edge of the tub.
Rei removes his jacket and shirt as Kazuki retrieves the first aid kit.
Rei leans back and hisses as Kazuki cleans it.
“I know. You’re doing so good for me, hang on.”
“Don’t talk to me like I’m Miri.”
Kazuki’s mouth trembles, “I’m not. I-I’m sorry.”
“I have to dig the bullet out Rei.”
“Stop talking and just do it.”
“I know!”
Rei grits his teeth as Kazuki digs the bullet out and he’s shutting his eyes against the pain of being sewn shut.
“Rinse off quick.”
“Why quick?”
“The police will be here soon.”
Rei just grunts and does as he’s told.
He disassembles his gun and puts the pieces away into the false bottoms of his travel size containers and such when he gets out.
“Put this robe on. Nothing underneath.”
“HAH?!”
“I know you don’t trust me, but this is my half of the plan.”
Kazuki’s eyes are hardened and Rei knows better than to argue.
He strips down, ignoring the way Kazuki suddenly turns away like it’s anything he hasn’t seen before. Like Rei is a modest, pure person. It’s begrudgingly endearing.
“You’re in one too.”
“Mmhm. When the police knock I need you to answer, and-“
Kazuki walks up to him, untying the robe, then doing it looser.
“-follow my lead.”
They hear a knock at the door and Kazuki jerks his chin towards it, face unreadable.
Rei hears him fall onto the bed but goes to answer the door anyway. He pulls it open, face impassive and before anyone can say anything, Kazuki giggles behind him.
“Don’t tell me you got room service? After that workout I could use the-“ Kazuki’s hands slip around Rei’s waist, one hand burning his chest as it slips beneath the robe. Being taller, Kazuki easily props his chin over Rei’s uninjured shoulder, “Oh.”
Rei freezes.
Kazuki unfolds himself from him looking as embarrassed as Rei actually feels. He sees out the corner of his eye, Kazuki closing his open robe with a hand, and silently burns.
The police officer looks shocked but finally recovers with, “Did you hear anything suspicious going on?”
“No. But the lights-“
“Was that what happened? I was seeing stars already so maybe that’s why hehe” Kazuki says rakishly. His hand strokes Rei’s hair as he traipses away.
Rei swallows hard, “They went out for a bit. But no. Suspicious like what?”
The police officer clears his throat, “It’s of no matter. Carry on. Or—well. Good day.”
Rei closes the door, and sways a bit.
God.
Is that what it would be like?
He knows how Kazuki’s casual touch was, but the hands at his waist, the devious one dipping into the collar of his robe to grope at his chest showed him what it was like to be touched like Kazuki’s lover. He was burning alive with that knowledge that threatened to turn him to ash with a concrete desire.
It was easier when he had to imagine it.
It was fucking impossible now that he’d had a taste and a sob broke out from him. He tried to smother it with a hand but it was his bad arm.
“Rei?”
Rei choked back tears, shoving past Kazuki to get to the bathroom. He tried to catch him, “Hey what’s wrong? Is it your shoulder?”
Rei shut the door behind him and locked it. He felt like a pathetic, wounded dog again. He’d yet again let his leash fall into hands that hurt him. He crawled to the tub, doubled over with misery and pulled himself into it. He curled in on himself like a dying bug and tried to stop himself from wailing into his knees.
Instead he bottled every sound and just shook with the force of the maelstrom building in his chest.
He had always held himself. Even as a kid he would fold his arms tight around himself to mimic a hug but now he knew what those felt like.
Now instead of some intangible thing his body aches for something it can’t have. His body is starving for attention no one will pay it. His skin screams that his own hands are not enough. They know what enough feels like and it’s not his.
“Rei? Rei talk to me! Do we need to go to the hospital.”
Rei doesn’t understand his own wounded cry of “No hospital.”
“I’m coming in.”
“I’ll kill you if you do.”
He wonders if Kazuki can even make out the words. He’s never cried this hard in his life. It feels like he can’t get enough air and how scary it is only makes him sob harder.
How disappointed his father would be turns his gut. His conditioning worsening his panic as he tries to gain control of the situation but can’t.
Every tear he’s ever held back until now makes its reappearance just to spite him.
He hears the lock click and puts his hands over his mouth like it will help. He can’t curl any tighter into himself. He doesn’t want to see Kazuki’s pity. His disgust.
“Rei!”
Instead he sounds terrified.
There’s hands pulling him up, pulling at him and he fights him off. It’s wrong. It’s right. He wants to crawl out of his skin. He wants to crawl right into his and stay.
“Please. Rei, what’s wrong? Just talk to me!”
Kazuki climbs into the tub and Rei tries his best to get him out but then Kazuki has always been heavier. Kazuki knows people and Rei knows how to end them. That’s how they work. Kazuki digs into his wounded shoulder with real force, and as Rei flinches away in retreat, Kazuki wraps his arms around him. He pulls him into his chest and presses his cheek to his temple, “Stop.”
“No-“
Kazuki nuzzles at his neck, lips grazing right under his ear and Rei stills.
“What’s wrong?”
Rei’s heart is thundering in his splintering chest full of needles and bricks. He’s gasping wetly, tears and snot running down his face. He tries to speak and another sob breaks loose.
He tries again “Let go.”
“Not until you use your words.”
That surprises a laugh out of him, “I told you. S-stop talking to me like I’m Miri.”
He feels Kazuki wince, “I talk to people I care about like that.”
Rei crumbles. It’s a lie. A bold-faced one too.
But that’s the lie he tells himself.
The truth is that Kazuki cares about him a lot.
Rei needed space to deal with the fact that Kazuki will never care for him the way he wants. Even with his body flush to Kazuki’s he’s too aware that it’s Kazuki. He wants to turn around in his arms and beg but he doesn’t beg.
He’s not even supposed to want. But he’s been an asshole, punishing his only real friend for something neither of them can control.
It’s hopeless.
His head pounds, and his eyes are swollen and raw. His breath shudders out of him and Kazuki just holds him, patiently waiting for him to speak. Instead the fight ebbs out of him the longer they sit there. Adrenaline and heartache beating him down.
“Rei?” Kazuki says worriedly.
Rei is out like a light, embraced and held.
Rei wakes with a groan. He feels like he got hit by a bus. Especially his arm they ran over it with all four wheels and then backed up. His head feels like he’d been bludgeoned and his eyes are crusted shut and hurt to open.
“Rei!”
Kazuki smooths his hair off his forehead, “You kind of had a fever but it’s gone down now. Water?”
Rei snatches it from his hands and chugs it. Kazuki presses pain pills into his hand then hands him a second glass before getting up to fill the empty one. Kazuki ends up making six trips until Rei sinks back onto the bed, pressing his palms over his aching eyes.
How pathetic to get comforted by the source of your heartbreak.
It’s Kazuki’s fault for not letting things be.
“You’re taking this divorce really hard,” Kazuki jokes.
He hadn’t thought he had anymore tears but they spring up behind his hands and he tries not to react.
Unfortunately Kazuki and Miri had pulled off his shell and he hadn’t bothered to grow a new one. He was too used to being safe. He’d gotten complacent.
Stupid.
“That was a joke…Seriously. Uh what’s? Do you want to talk about it?”
“For the millionth time. No.”
“I think we have to or else I can’t keep working with you, Rei.”
Oh.
There was something much much worse than being unloved.
The one thing he was good at being ripped from him.
Kazuki removing himself completely, not caring how deeply he had rooted himself in the framework of Rei’s being. Like a parasite playing at being symbiotic.
Rei swiped his hands off of his eyes, even though he knew new tears would well up in their place. He turned to Kazuki, “If that’s what you want.”
Kazuki’s unreadable face turned to pity, “What did I do to you?”
Rei shrugged.
“Why can’t you tell me? I’m really trying here, man. I miss you. Whatever I can do to win you back I’ll do it. Please. Haven’t I been good to you? We’re so good together—Please.”
Kazuki brushed his hands through the buzzed part of Rei’s hair and against his will, his eyes slid shut.
“Are you sick of me?”
His hand leaves his head and Rei wills himself still.
Kazuki’s voice trembles on a whisper, “Is it that…you love Miri and now you’re stuck with me?”
Rei’s eyes opened in shock, “What. Kazuki, no-!”
He really looks at him then. Kazuki’s usually tan complexion has gone pale, his eyes puffy red, and tired. His hair is a mess and his hands are clasped but Rei sees where he’s bitten his cuticles bloody. He’s unkempt and despite his bright personality, he looks small in the hotel chair by the bed. He looks uncomfortable and scared and miserable.
“I know I’m unreliable-“
“Stop.”
“I bug and nag you in your own home when I’m a freeloader-“
“Kazuki!”
“But I don’t know how else to reach you anymore when you hate to see me and look at me and you won’t let me touch you anymore-“
“You- what?”
“I miss you so bad and you’re right there but it’s like you’re telling me to move out without saying it. But you need me right? You can’t raise Miri alone because she’s got a lot of energy and I can make food she likes and make the right airplane noises and always pick good stuffed animals. I c-can change for you. I can be a good partner to you even if-“
Kazuki can’t keep his composure, dropping his face into his hands miserably, his usually cheery voice soft and dull.
Miserably he begs, “Please tell me what to do. I can’t live like this anymore. I can’t do it.”
“I’m sorry.” Rei says, voice thick, “It’s my problem I-“
“WELL I’M YOUR HUSBAND!”
Kazuki stands so abruptly the chair hits the wall behind him. He looks at Rei, face a mix of despair and anger, “I HAVE A RIGHT TO KNOW! WE’RE SUPPOSED TO BE DOING THIS TOGETHER!”
Rei’s mouth falls open, “Husband-“
Kazuki runs his hands through his hair, over his face, making his blond hair even more unruly, “You drive me fucking insane. I can’t read you! One minute you’ve got me by the balls head over heels for you and the next you want nothing to do with me and ask for a divorce? What did I do! I’m not asking again! I’m demanding to know why!”
“Kazuki…are, you want to stay married to me?”
Kazuki looks at him like he’s stupid, and Rei flinches, looking away.
“Oh shit.”
Rei looks to him out of the corner of his eye and Kazuki collapses back into the hotel chair, hand over his mouth, “I’m so fucking sorry Rei, I-I was the only one who felt that way.”
Rei turns to him, “What?”
“Oh god. I felt you up so much you must have felt--you love your personal space I just—I know you warmed up to me a lot since we moved in together but I thought—fuck.”
Felt him up?
While Kazuki was having a crisis and talking a mile a minute, Rei thought back on it.
I’M YOUR HUSBAND.
Possessive, demanding and betrayed.
You won’t let me touch you anymore.
Sad, petulant, accusatory.
I thought you felt the same way.
Forlorn, dismayed, embarrassed.
“Kazuki, I’m sorry.”
Kazuki stared at him.
He nodded, mouth wobbling and tears gathering in his eyes.
Rei ducked his head and opened his arms, “Come here then.”
“Rei…” he looked apprehensive, “If this is a pity thing I-“
“It’s not. I…words.” Rei could hardly get the words out, “Need you.”
Kazuki stood there.
“Now.”
He dove into his arms with a sob, “Reiiiii! I thought you hated me!”
“Never.”
“You acted like it!”
“No.”
“You did!”
“Mm.”
Rei finger combed Kazuki’s hair into some semblance of normalcy and Kazuki couldn’t seem to decide between crying or laughing. One would always dissolve into the other and Rei pressed a kiss to his temple. Rei soothed Kazuki the best way he knew how, chest full and warm.
“You were pulling away so much! I thought-hic-I thought I did something wrong!”
Rei sighed, smoothing his hair back and kissing his forehead fondly, “No, you didn’t.”
“Then what happened?”
Rei’s mouth twists, “I need a minute.”
“Yeah. This is a lot. My world ended just a second ago.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah I didn’t know what—“
“No, that’s a good way to put it.”
“Glad to help.”
“Mm. Well…you’ve always liked women and you don’t hide what you do. It was a marriage of convenience, I didn’t think it was serious.”
“It…wasn’t. At first. I didn’t think you’d agree when I was the only one getting anything out of it.”
“You’re my wife.”
Kazuki blushes a dark red that Rei catalogues for later, “HOUSEHUSBAND!”
“Right. After playing that game-“
“One of your Otome games?”
“I don’t play dating sims. I’m talking about The Last of Us 2.”
“Sure.”
“I don’t play dating sims. There’s no skill involved.”
“Okay.”
“I like FPS.”
“I believe you.”
“Then stop grinning at me like that, jackass. Well you said that people don’t choose to be gay. But as far as I knew you were straight-“
“Well so did I!”
“But you chose to be married to me and I had all the gear of a marriage but…”
Rei instinctively pulled away to hug himself but Kazuki caught and pulled him in against his chest, squeezing the breath out of him. He held him like he never wanted to let go, like his arms were inescapable and Rei found himself melting against his will.
“I missed that. The way you go boneless and soft in my arms. I missed you in my bed.”
Rei hooks a leg over Kaz and flips them, pinning the other man beneath him.
“Rei?”
“I don’t do that.”
Kazuki tugs at his ponytail, “You do.”
Eyes narrowing, Rei asks him, “ I’m going to give you something else to miss when you can’t have it.”
Kazuki looks at him bewildered until Rei dips down to kiss him. It’s brief, he can’t remember the last time he’d done it. Kazuki tries to pull him in, mouth opening on a relieved moan, but Rei shoves a hand up to shut his jaw, pale fingers splayed over a tan throat. Kazuki swallows hard and Rei can feel his Adam’s apple bob and his pulse.
“Don’t be greedy.”
“You make it really hard to want less.”
“Too bad. I’m tired.” Kazuki tries that puppy dog look on him and Rei drums his fingers over his neck, stroking lightly, “We need to get out of here.”
“Good. I miss Miri already too.”
“Mm.”
Kazuki surges up, choking himself a little to rub his cheek to his. Rei just sighs and takes the affection, eventually getting manhandled when Kazuki pulls him from the bed and gathers his duffel bag, his other hand grabbing Rei’s.
“I’m so happy.”
He squeezes at Kazuki a little and the other man makes a happy little hum in his arms.
The other half of the corridor is taped off as they leave. Maybe they ran into someone? Or police? Rei had just pressed his face into Kazuki’s shoulder feeling the vibrations of his words and hearing none of it. He squeezed at his partner’s waist with both hands, “Tired.”
“Ah, sorry. Um. We did speak with an officer but my husband and I were um, hehe celebrating our honeymoon a bit too loudly and, sorry!”
“Ah, I see.”
Rei is practically asleep standing up when Kazuki takes his hand and leads him out to the car. Rei slumps into the passenger and Kazuki sighs, “What am I gonna do with you huh?”
“Take me home?” Rei says hopeful, head falling to the side to look at his partner.
Kazuki laughs, “Yeah. Let’s go home.”
•••
Miri and Kazuki are too loud.
“MIRI!!!”
“PAPA!”
She crashes into their legs and Kazuki is lifting her into her arms.
Rei ruffles her hair as she talks a mile a minute to report on what happened when they were gone.
Kasumi looks up from her textbook on the table, the dancing vegetables show is on the TV, “Welcome back!”
Rei reaches into his coat for the money and hands her the envelope, “Your pay.”
“Ah. Thank you! I um. I’m also available weekdays for a few hours if you need me again I can let you know my schedule or we can work something out.”
Rei hums in acknowledgment.
She gathers her textbooks and he laments a bit having to wait for her to move from the couch so he can flop onto it and game.
Miri barrels into his legs, “Rei Papa! Ups!”
He dutifully lifts her, knowing Kazuki has wound her up with his affection. Sure enough she rubs her sticky little kid cheek into his with as much love as aggression and hugs his neck, “O-kae-ri!”
“Tadaimaaaa~” he answers with a yawn.
“We have to sleep together!”
“Mm.”
Kasumi speaks then, “She’s a joy to watch. I’m sorry I didn’t text back as quickly as I could have sometimes.”
“Ah. She needs the attention more than me,” Rei says, “It’s okay.”
“Do you need us to walk you to the station?” Kazuki offers, ever gallant.
“Oh, I’ll be fine! Thank you for sharing your home! Until next time!”
“Texting?” Kazuki says and Rei looks askance. “Textiiiiiiing? We’re you so worried, Rei Papa?”
“Leave me alone.”
“Huh?” Miri says, patting Rei’s cheek, “I’m okay!”
“I know,” Rei grumbles.
“I was with you the whole time! How did you get away with it!”
That’s just for Rei to know.
Kazuki needles him even as he settles onto the couch to boot up his game.
“Aren’t you tired?!” Kazuki asks and Rei shrugs.
Miri of course wants to play too so Rei hands her an unplugged controller. Kazuki sighs heavily, but he still goes into the kitchen and heats up leftovers. For once they eat in the living room, Miri scrambling to the floor. Rei and Kazuki are side by side, thighs touching and while it’s another peaceful evening, it truly actually is for Rei Suwa.