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“and that, jotaro, is why the act of lobotomizing a person fell out of style.” kakyoin continues, “see, there were too many complications with the procedure. it wasn't exactly solving anything, so,”
jotaro stands abruptly, sporting the usual unreadable look that comes natural to him, and turns to leave.
“hm? where are you going, jotaro?”
“out.” is jotaro’s only response. “thanks.”
kakyoin looks mostly unbothered. he offers a small smile to jotaro--who is already half way down the hall towards their hotel rooms--and turns instead to continue the conversation with a very disinterested polnareff and a sympathetic looking avdol.
none of them really spare him a second look as he hurries off. maybe avdol, but it’s barely a split second glance in his direction. maybe it helps that they're just used to him leaving rooms without so much of a word. or maybe it's because they know they’ll get no answer if they ask him what's wrong, and so they don't bother.
whatever it is, jotaro doesn't really care. because what matters is that no one has followed him all the way back to his and kakyoin’s shared room, where he now busies himself with having a full staredown with his reflection in the bathroom mirror.
in his head he can still hear kakyoin prattling off facts about tarot cards and about what gestures are rude in what country, and the most random trivia about the most unpredictable topics, and have you ever had authentic french cuisine, jotaro? and all of it pisses jotaro off to no end.
or, not really. it doesn’t piss him off, exactly. because he likes listening to kakyoin talk about anything that pops into his mind. all of that is fine, he thinks. the problem is that it makes him feel a weird kind of feeling in his chest and the pit of his stomach, and that's the part that pisses him off.
jotaro grips the edge of the sink, and scowls at his reflection once again. he doesn't like this at all. the fact he doesn't know what he's feeling and the name he's supposed to put to it.
he wants to punch something. or someone. just wants to do some sort of punching, because that's the only problem solving technique he's super familiar with. at least, it’s the one that's been the most effective, as of late.
he calls out star platinum, but when it shows up, it doesn't seem to be in any immediate hurry to help jotaro destroy this hotel’s property. which, were he to be rational, is for the best. on the other hand, however, a little destruction would do wonders for his frustrations right now. it’s a shame star platinum doesn’t seem to want to oblige.
that seems to be about normal for star platinum. it doesn't really listen to jotaro, sometimes. it’ll do certain things when he tells it to, and when he's really, genuinely angry, it'll go berserk without much of jotaro’s input. but outside of fights—or more broadly, any situation that isn't life or death—it will mostly do what it wants.
that probably means something. stands are a part of the soul, or something like that, so it probably says a lot about how he is deep down, or what he really feels or what he really wants to do, or whatever. it's not really jotaro’s area of expertise, and he tends not to think about stands too hard past the point of this thing punches stuff for me, when i need it to . but maybe kakyoin would know. kakyoin knows a lot of things.
and ah, fuck. it had all circled back to kakyoin, and back to the indecipherable feelings that came with the thought of him.
jotaro glances over at star platinum, with the hope that maybe it’ll start punching something for him, because maybe a little property damage can help him figure this out.
but star platinum just looks at him with those big, sparkly eyes that look exactly like jotaro’s own, but without the hard edge that he thinks scowling all the time gives him. it's like his stand knows something. like it's already figured it out or embraced it or whatever, and is just waiting for jotaro to catch up.
that's infuriating, because the longer it looks at him, the more pissed off jotaro feels by his own damn stand. why are you acting all tough, jotaro? is what jotaro imagines it’s probably trying to say to him. you already know exactly what it is you feel for kakyoin.
it pisses him off. star platinum isn’t actually saying any of that–the damn thing doesn’t talk much. he remembers once kakyoin had said that if it did, it would be interesting to hear what it is it’d say—but it pisses him off, anyway. jotaro wants to punch something. someone. preferably star platinum for looking at him like that. is it even possible to fight your own stand? would it count as fighting himself?
jotaro mumbles, “good grief.” and pulls his hat further down to cover his eyes, then decides to put star platinum away for now. getting angry at his stand—at a physical manifestation of his own self, as avdol had described it—isn’t solving anything.
besides. star platinum, though it hadn’t actually said anything, is right. jotaro knows exactly what it is he feels for kakyoin.
though, he'd be damned if he said what that feeling is out loud, even if his only audience is star platinum.
he probably needs to talk about this with somebody first. just to make sure these are the right feelings and not just a slight tolerance of another person being mistaken for something else. but there's not really a lot of options here. he considers avdol, and though avdol could be a good choice, he finds himself reconsidering it based on the fact that avdol likes polnareff, and the last thing jotaro wants to do is talk about something like this with someone who has willingly chosen to be with polnareff.
so then his only option is his grandfather, which is probably the worst possible option, but there's no one else, and at the very least, he’s not polnareff.
-
“gramps,” jotaro says. he says it with the same sort of air he's always used before and will continue to use after. as if joseph is annoying him just by being there.
joseph looks up from the far too expensive camera he’d been inspecting before jotaro’s arrival. he doesn't seem all too fazed by jotaro’s sudden appearance, nor does he even question how he’d gotten into his hotel room.
setting the camera down on the table before him, joseph asks, “something the matter?”
jotaro looks away from his grandfather, the hands in his uniform pockets balled into fists as he stands there, trying to figure out how to say what he wants to with as little words as possible.
“kakyoin,” is all that jotaro ends up saying, which only elicits a very puzzled look from joseph.
“kakyoin? what about him?”
jotaro takes one hand out of his pocket, pulls his hat down as far as he can to hide his face, and then shoves his hand right back into his pocket. joseph just looks at him, a blank, slightly confused smile on his face as he waits patiently for his grandson to expand on whatever thought he is so obviously having.
“i feel… something … for him.”
he had pointedly avoided using the word like, or anything that could imply it at all, but joseph somehow sees right through him, because he brightens up at that. like, really brightens up at that. he just about jumps out of his seat when jotaro says it, sporting a huge, goofy grin on his face that makes jotaro wish he’d followed common sense and gone to avdol after all.
“you like him?” joseph exclaims, much too loud for jotaro’s own tastes. it is a question, and when jotaro doesn't respond he takes his silence for an answer. “is that it? that is it, isn't it? aha! who would've thought that my handsome grandson would find love on our trip to egypt?”
“shut the fuck up, old man.”
joseph throws an arm around jotaro’s shoulder, pressing their faces so obnoxiously close to each other that their cheeks touch and jotaro can feel joseph’s beard prickling his skin. he really wants to punch something now. he's pretty sure that if he calls star platinum out now, it wouldn't hesitate to do it.
“there’s nothing to be ashamed of, jotaro!” joseph exclaims, laughing as he does. “something like this calls for celebration! my baby boy is now a man in love.”
jotaro grimaces and jerks himself out from joseph’s grasp, throwing a dirty look in his grandfather’s direction. “are you senile or something? i didn't fucking say i loved him.”
joseph doesn't seem to be bothered—or really, convinced—by jotaro’s words. he just waves a hand dismissively, and laughs again. “don't be so shy, jotaro!”
“fuck off.”
this time, a serious expression falls over joseph. he looks as though he's just figured out something important, something that he should've considered from the start. he lifts a hand to his chin and rubs his beard, nodding to himself in a self-important way, and jotaro immediately begins to dread whatever it is he'll say next.
“are you upset because liking kakyoin could mean you're gay?”
jotaro hadn't even considered that, but if he had, he would have definitely chosen someone else to talk to, because this is not a conversation he wants to have with joseph of all people.
“no.”
“because there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. i might not agree with it completely, but i respect it, and if it's you, then of course i'll support my grandson.” joseph babbles on, completely ignoring jotaro’s one word of protest. “in fact, you might not know this, but i did a lot of experimenting back in my day. old joseph’s been around the block, y’know. there was this guy—”
“i don't want to hear about wham again, old man.”
joseph immediately shuts up, a very puzzled look falling on his face.
“wham?” he asks, confused. he thinks on something for a minute, and then his face falls. “wait, did i tell you about wham but not caesar?”
“...caesar?”
joseph stands there, a guilty look on his face, before suddenly perking up again. he looks just about ready to launch into a story of some kind—probably relating to whoever caesar is—which means then that it's about time that jotaro made his escape.
he leaves without a word, and joseph—who is somehow already halfway into a brand new retelling of his adventures in italy—barely notices.
-
jotaro makes his way back to the hotel lobby, where surprisingly, kakyoin and the others are still seated. the conversation seems to be now dominated by polnareff, which jotaro can tell from where he is based on polnareff’s animated body language and the fact that kakyoin looks not only uninterested but borderline disdainful, while avdol is listening intently with what seems to be an odd combination of annoyance, disinterest and admiration.
he rejoins the three of them, sitting down in the seat next to kakyoin without much of a greeting. avdol nods in his direction, and kakyoin turns to smile at him softly, the latter of which just makes jotaro look away.
“jotaro, my man!” polnareff greets him, choosing to be unnecessarily loud, as always. “welcome back! that was a pretty long shit you took.”
jotaro decides not to humor him with a response. which won't do anything to deter polnareff, but it's at least a little better to ignore the clown than to engage with him.
“we were talking about whether or not bras actually make a girl’s boobs look bigger.” polnareff says, and jotaro instantly understands why everyone else had seemed so disinterested.
“well, you were.” kakyoin points out. “i have no thoughts on the topic.”
which, again, doesn't deter polnareff at all. he launches into another tangent about whatever, because jotaro is not really listening, and he doubts anyone but avdol is right now. which is fine and dandy for jotaro, because polnareff being busy with whatever it is he's talking about means that he can talk to kakyoin without much interference.
“kakyoin,” jotaro says, and kakyoin immediately turns to look at him.
“yes?”
“i want to talk to you about something.”
kakyoin looks right at him, a look on his face that jotaro doesn't really feel like trying to figure out right now. “hm, is that so? what about?”
“not here,” jotaro mutters, casting a quick look towards polnareff, who is still going on and on about… something.
kakyoin smiles, and is about to say something in response, but whatever it is, jotaro doesn't get to hear it, because polnareff stops talking abruptly.
turning his attention back to polnareff, jotaro notices that he's now staring at them both, a huge shit-eating grin on his face as he does.
“you two’re close.” polnareff points out. he grins even wider, and gestures between himself and avdol with his thumb, “kinda like me ‘n avdol!”
jotaro’s expression darkens. “we're nothing like you and avdol.”
beside him kakyoin nods, a similar expression on his face.
“yes. no offense, avdol, but i would really rather not be in a relationship that’s similar to yours.”
avdol doesn’t seem to take any offense to it. or maybe he does, but has nothing to say to defend himself. jotaro supposes there's not much someone can say to defend having romantic interest in polnareff, of all people.
polnareff deflates. “aw, so you're telling me you two aren't besties like me ‘n avdol here?”
“besties…” kakyoin repeats, annoyance in his voice mixing with the astonishment at polnareff’s obliviousness.
“yeah. besties. we’re best friends. you’re too young to not know the word ‘besties’,” polnareff says, “or is this our first ever instance of a language barrier…?”
kakyoin glances over at avdol, expression of bewilderment on his face. avdol smiles weakly, “i am not sure polnareff fully understands the feelings i have for him, even after i’ve shared them with him. frankly, i’m not sure he understands the feelings he has for me, either.”
“there’s no way he’s that dense,” kakyoin marvels, trying his best to understand that concept, “how can someone not understand that you like them?”
polnareff decides, at that moment, to take the opportunity to prove that he is indeed that dense.
“whoa, avdol,” he says, and on his face is an expression that has somehow succeeded to be several things all at once. a part of jotaro wishes he were less annoyed, because then he could try to make sense of and list some of them. “there’s someone you like? ”
kakyoin’s face has one very clear expression on it—visible disgust. at polnareff for being polnareff, though he knows not to expect much else from him. “you. he likes you .”
“and i like him. we’re friends aren't we? what, you don't like jotaro?”
jotaro is about to say something to that, but kakyoin takes a breath, and soon after his face returns to its usual expression. he nudges jotaro’s arm and jerks his head towards the exit, says, “let’s just go.” and starts to leave before jotaro can even ask where to. which doesn't really matter, honestly, because it's an excuse to leave this conversation and jotaro’s happy to take it.
polnareff shouts, “where’re you going?!” after them as they leave, and all kakyoin shouts back is, “out.”
and other than that, their sudden departure is met with little reaction. as they make their way down the hall, jotaro sees that joseph’s joined avdol and polnareff, and hears polnareff’s loud voice announce, hey, mr joestar, didya know there's someone that avdol likes ?
--
they end up back in their hotel room, since there’s not a lot of places that they can go if they want a moment of privacy, so this is about as good as they’ll get. jotaro doesn’t mind at all, though. the lobby is full to the brim right now, and any time they could spend in the hotel’s restaurant is time jotaro would rather spend looking at the fish in the aquarium near the entrance instead.
kakyoin proposes that they talk about whatever it is that jotaro wants to talk about on the balcony instead of inside the room itself, because it’s supposedly less awkward that way. jotaro has no objections to this, and follows him there with his hands balled into fists in his pockets. it makes no difference to him—it's just a conversation. he doesn’t really care where they do it.
kakyoin leans against the balcony and stares out at the view before them, smiling at nothing in particular, and jotaro lingers a little bit behind. the sun’s about to set, he notices. there’s a lot of pinks and yellows and oranges bathing everything around them right now, and kakyoin seems to be enjoying it. probably has something to do with the decision to talk outside, then.
and again, jotaro has no problems with that. even he can admit that the view of the sunset is beautiful. it’s a sight that makes it easy to forget just how rough they’ve had it up to this point, and just how tired they all are. it is a single moment which allows them to stand back and take a breather, to enjoy each other’s company and be glad that they’re all together. it’s a simple reminder that when all’s said and done, the trip to egypt probably wasn't so bad, after all.
“you're staring at me.” kakyoin says suddenly, not even bothering to turn to look at jotaro.
jotaro doesn’t flinch. “i always stare at you.”
“so you do.” kakyoin admits, finally turning to look jotaro in the eye. “it feels different this time, though.”
jotaro doesn’t say anything to that, and kakyoin doesn’t really follow up with any kind of clarification, either. they just stand there, making eye contact for what’s probably longer than most people could stand.
jotaro likes that that’s something he can just do with kakyoin. that he can just sit there and let kakyoin fill the silences for him, and kakyoin doesn’t care that he barely responds because kakyoin already seems to know what it is he’s thinking or what it is he wants to say. he likes that they can just not talk to each other at all, and still understand each other just fine. he just likes the fact that they’re often on the same wavelength. it’s nice having someone that understands you like that.
“you said you wanted to talk to me about something?” kakyoin says, finally breaking the silence after about five minutes of purely telepathic communication.
kakyoin does not break eye contact with him. jotaro is in no real hurry here, so he doesn't say anything right away. instead he takes his hands out his pockets—when had they gotten this sweaty?—and decides to let them hang at his sides, instead.
“yes,” jotaro says eventually. he does not break eye contact either. usually this is something he can’t stand to do. right now it’s something he has to do, and it is surprisingly so easy with kakyoin. “i have feelings for you.”
“what kind?”
“not sure.”
kakyoin smiles ever so slightly and nods. “me too.”
jotaro says nothing after that. he’s not quite sure what any of that has solved, or if anything has changed, but at least he now knows that kakyoin feels the same.
kakyoin turns his attention back to looking out at the sunset—the sun’s almost completely set by now—and jotaro decides to join him, leaning against the rails of the balcony as well. jotaro doesn’t say anything more, because there’s nothing left for him to say.
apparently, there is for kakyoin, however.
“did you know that homosexuality’s been around for as long as the world’s existed, and that it’s been discovered in countless other species, not just humans? when you look at it that way, it almost seems kind of normal, doesn’t it, jotaro?”
jotaro just hums in response.