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She was standing right next to Tim when Aaron's mistaken report came over the radio.
That's what Lucy keeps on telling herself, even if it's now exactly a week from the day they discovered that Jake was dead. It's what she has to do to keep herself from panicking about it.
Still, Lucy knows that there was half a second where she jolted. She spun around quickly to face her boyfriend, who had his usual annoyed scowl on his face as he grabbed his walkie and barked out that he was definitely not dead
The team gave Aaron grief over the mistake when the case was wrapped up and of course, Lucy joined in. She did her best to ignore the anxious flutter of her heart, tried not to let his words echo in her mind. Hearing someone say that the love of your life was dead, even if she always knew it wasn't true, was hard. What's going to happen when he actually dies? Lucy's never had to think about that before, and him being in Metro is more dangerous than his daily Sargent patrols . . .
It was the same night of Jake's death that she had her first nightmare about it. She was able to hide it well, though. Tim didn't need to deal with this. He had enough on his plate, adjusting to Metro, and already deals with all her nightmares about Rosalind and Caleb. He doesn't even think that they look like Jake and Sava, so it doesn't matter. It's nothing. She can handle it.
The next few days pass by without any nightly interruptions. Work is normal, home is normal. Lucy carries on until today, where she's working on one of the files towards the case Angela and Nyla are building against Jake's murderer, Sava's best friend Lisa. Angela's asked her to compile a file for Jake and Sava's hit-in-run in the hopes that they can prove that Lisa was behind it. Lucy is sitting in a room to herself, going through all the evidence, when she stumbles upon a photograph that's definitely in the wrong file.
It takes her a second to realize what it's a photograph of - the body of the man who looks identical to Tim lying dead and bleeding in a dumpster.
Nearly choking on a shrill gasp, Lucy drops the photo and yanks her hand away like she's just touched acid. Tim. It's not him, but at the same time . . . She shoves her chair back, winces at the sound it makes, scraping against the floor, and stands, starting to pace. Nausea fills her stomach as she wrings her hands, shaking them in the air. It's not him, it's not him, it's not-
The image of him - Jake - is seared into her mind, almost like the Day of Death tattoo on her stomach, she realizes bitterly.
Lucy feels tears in her eyes and she wants to curse herself at how stupid she's being. Get it together, she tells herself. Tim's fine. He's over at Metro right now, probably kicking someone's ass.
Forcing a sharp breath, she turns back to her desk and flips the photograph over before grabbing it. Holding it fills her with dread and Lucy's grateful that she manages to find Angela and shove it into the Detective's hands quickly.
"Oh, wow. Thank you. I'll put it where it belongs. I'm sorry you had to see that," Angela says sincerely after Lucy explains, fixing her with a knowing look before nodding. She leaves quickly to do just what she says she will.
Lucy stands there for a moment, wavering. I'm sorry you had to see that. Because she's his girlfriend and no girlfriend should ever have to see something like that. It makes her wonder, briefly, if he ever saw the photos of her when they had to build up cases against Caleb and Rosalind. Or even the video.
She shakes her head, deciding that she can't think about Caleb, Rosalind, and Jake's death. She needs to work and right now, that means finishing the hit-and-run file. Lucy steers herself back to her desk, head down and working until her shift is over. In the car, she still can't let her thoughts drift, so she forces herself to listen to the boring radio.
When she finally gets home, she orders takeout (most of which she doesn't end up eating, but she tells herself that Tim can have it when he gets home). Lucy throws herself into studying for the Detective's exam, only pausing when Tamara arrives. She assures the younger woman that she'll be fine, just had a long day, even though they both know that Tamara doesn't believe a word for it.
Tamara decides not to push and retreats to her room. There, she texts Tim, asking when he'll be home that evening. Lucy's going to need him, she just knows it.
//
When Tim gets the text, he has the feeling that something's up. Tamara hasn't ever texted him to ask him this before. He responds, telling her that it'll be a late night. A glance at the clock and he knows that Lucy must be home by now. They've fallen into a pattern of checking in via text when she gets off shift but, Tim chooses tonight to call her instead. He tells himself that he misses her voice, even if he knows that text has him also worrying the slightest bit about her.
The phone rings for so long that, just before Lucy picks up, Tim starts to think that it'll go to voicemail. "Is everything okay?" She asks quickly, sounding almost breathless.
Yeah, something's definitely up, he thinks. "Yeah, yeah. I'm good. Are you alright?" He asks gently. God, he wants nothing more to leave work now and be home with her. It's been forever since they've been able to have dinner together.
"Yup," Lucy says, popping the 'p' and chuckling. Tim can tell that it's her nervous laugh, not her real laugh. "I just had a long day, working on case files. So boring. I'm sure you don't miss that."
Tim hums - she seems eager to switch the conversation off of herself. "Can't say that I do. Are you sure that it was just a long day? It's fine if there's something else," he says, prodding a little more. If it were anyone else (except Angela or his sister, maybe), he'd leave it be. But it's not. It's Lucy. The desire to comfort, soothe, and protect her is hard-wired into him.
"It's . . . I don't want to think about it," Lucy admits, sighing heavily. It's impossible to stay stubborn when he's being so sweet.
"Fair," Tim says, knowing that there's been plenty of days where all he's wanted to do is shut up and withdraw into himself. He plans to say more, hoping to come up with something reassuring, when he hears his name being called by his boss. Damnit. His boss quickly follows up with a demand for him to get there now, letting Tim know it's urgent. "Shit, I'm sorry Luce, I have to go. I'll be home tonight."
"Oh-okay," Lucy says in an airy tone.
"I love you, bye," Tim rushes out, taking long strides towards his boss as he quickly hangs up the phone.
Back in her apartment, Lucy can't help but sigh again. She knows Tim's job in Metro is for the best, and is great for his career, but it's making her miss him so much. She tells herself not to linger on that, for now, and goes back to studying.
As the hours go by, Tamara eventually exits her room to say goodnight. That gets Lucy's attention, as she realizes that it's almost eleven-o-clock, and she also realizes that Tamara's only saying goodnight for her sake. Packing up her study material, Lucy's heart deflates as she checks her phone and sees no texts or calls from Tim. They must be working him hard and it's a little worrying.
There's nothing she can do about it right now, though. All she can do is head to bed. Changing into pajamas, the exhaustion from the day and the studying starts to weigh down on her. Lucy curls into her side of the bed, staring longingly at Tim's empty spot, until her eyes droop shut.
Her sleep is far from restless - soon, a nightmare plagues her mind. She's back in the barrel, struggling for air. She's damn near close to hypoxia, and struggles to stay onto consciousness, until finally a blinding light shines overhead and rough hands yank at her. It's different from how it actually happened - in reality, she was unconscious when they found her, and hadn't felt a thing. But, Lucy's seen the video, her mind fills in the gaps in a twisted way. She's dumped onto the harsh sand, the sun glaring down on her and making her eyes water. Someone starts to do chest compressions on her, and all she wants to do is scream that she's alive, but nothing comes out of her mouth. They push down on her chest hard, making it more difficult to get any air in. Then, the worst happens. The radio crackles, Aaron's voice booms into ear, shattering her eardrums: "Seven Lincoln seven, I just found a body . . . It's Tim Bradford." Her head is thrown to the side, cheek pressing into the sand, and there, facing her, is Tim's broken body. A scream fights it's way out of Lucy, one that she chokes and splutters on.
//
Tim yawns as he practically jams his key into the lock, turning the handle and shuffling inside. All he's been thinking about since calling Lucy is getting to cuddle up with her in their bed and now, he's so close to getting to do that. He drops his stuff by the door, thinking he'll deal with it in the morning. He wants to make a beeline for the bedroom, but forces himself to make a pitstop at the bathroom, so Lucy doesn't have to deal with stinky breath when he kisses her. Making quick work of brushing his teeth, Tim then slips into their room. He smiles as he sees Lucy asleep and turns to their closet, stripping out of his work clothes to throw into the hamper. It's when he's quietly slipping on pajama shorts that he notices Lucy's restlessness.
Out of the corner of his eye, she starts to squirm. Thinking she might be waking up, Tim stops his movement and watches. In a split-second, her squirming turns to thrashing and suddenly, she's gasping and crying. Shit, shit, shit!
Tim gets onto the bed, not wanting to loom over her by her side. He tries to get as level as he can be with her, then wraps one of his arms around her in the hopes that it'll help. "Lucy, wake up," he says, trying to be loud enough to wake her but not loud enough so that Tamara hears (Lucy hates it when she wakes Tamara up with one her nightmares).
Lucy's thrashing continues and when she notices Tim's touch, she starts pushing at him. Usually he'd back off but, with how much she's now moving and nearly struggling to breathe, he doesn't want her to accidentally hurt herself or fall off the bed. "Lucy!" He exclaims desperately.
Tim's not sure if it's his voice or her own nightmare that wakes her up but either way, her eyes fly open and she scrambles to sit up in bed, panting heavily. Her eyes find him and she stares, absolutely terrified. "Luc-" he starts to say, but she catapults herself into his arms, nearly knocking him flat on his back on the bed.
Tim holds her in a bear hug, trying to make sense of what's going on as she sobs into his chest. Rarely does she thrash so much when she has nightmares and he can't remember the last time she cried like this. A million thoughts are racing through his head, wondering what exactly she saw in this dream, but he doesn't say anything because she can't answer while she's weeping. Tim maneuvers them so that he's sitting against the headboard, Lucy nestled into his chest as he calmingly strokes her back.
He only speaks in sweet nothings, giving her all the time in the world to let it out. He's so tired he can feel it in his eyes but sleep is the last thing on his mind right now.
It takes a few minutes for Lucy to calm down and by the time she does, it seems to have exhausted her pretty well. As she draws back and just looks at him, Tim thinks she might fall asleep, until she whispers, "You're alive."
Tim's caught off guard so much that he just nearly stops himself from chuckling at what she says. "'Course I am," he says, matching her whisper.
Lucy nods, as if reassuring herself that her eyes aren't lying to her. Tears bubble up in her eyes and she sniffles.
Anxious to get to the bottom of this, Tim gently wipes her eyes with the pad of his thumb. "Hey, talk to me. What's going on in your pretty little head?" He asks, brushing strands of hair from out of his face.
Lucy sighs and places a hand on his chest, over his heart. "I was in the barrel, dying. I got pulled out, but it wasn't gentle, and someone began doing chest compressions on me even though I was alive. Then-" she explains and, despite speaking very softly, her voice still breaks, "-I heard Aaron's voice over the radio, saying that you were dead. I looked to the side and it was you-well, technically Jake-and you were dead. In that dumpster."
Ah, there it is. Tim takes a breath. "I didn't know that affected you so much," he admits sheepishly, feeling like he should be more attentive and aware. It's this damn Metro job occupying all her time. He's about to tell her all that, and how he promises to do better, when she replies first.
"I-I know it's stupid, but then I accidentally saw a photo of Jake's body today and . . . It really freaked me out," she says.
Tim furrows his eyebrows, more concerned that she thinks it's stupid. "It's not stupid, Luce," he states, not allowing any wiggle-room with this,
"It's not?" She echoes, raising her eyebrows in slight skepticism. She tells herself it's not, she knows that, but she's not sure that Tim really thinks the same way.
Tim nods his head. "Definitely not. I'm so sorry I made you think it was," he apologies, cupping her cheek in his hand. He really sees how he messed up - he never, ever wants to make Lucy think that anything she thinks or feels is nothing less than completely valid.
Lucy smiles a little. "I guess . . . Since you insisted that we don't look like Jake and Sava, I thought you wouldn't see it as a big thing," she explains.
"Well, you do have a point . . . Personally, I didn't see it as a big thing because . . . Well, I knew I wasn't dead, but . . ." he says, trailing off as he thinks for a moment, puts himself in Lucy's shoes. "If I'd heard someone say you were dead, even if you were right in front of me, I know I'd definitely be affected. And if it was Sava who died and I came across of her . . ." He wants to bring himself to finish, to be strong for her, because Lucy did actually experience that, but the image of her seeing her in some dumpster . . . Almost like how they found Isabel and thought she was dead . . .
Tears almost come to Tim's eyes and he pulls Lucy as close as possible to himself. She burrows her head in his chest for a moment and they both take solace in the fact that they can feel each other and be in each other's arms.
"It's too much. I'm so, so sorry Lucy. That you had to go through that and you felt like you shouldn't tell me. No matter what it is, you can always tell me whatever's going on. I'll never think it's stupid or silly or any of that. I'm sorry," he whispers into her hair, then tilts her head back so that he can kiss her forehead.
"I know," Lucy murmurs. "I-I thought it'd go away, but I still get shaken up over Caleb . . . the barrel."
"Me too," he assures her, knowing that it'll never go away. Not fully.
"I really miss having you around at the station," Lucy admits further.
"I miss that too, and seeing you more often. Metro is great but . . . God, I'm so tired," he says, reminding himself that he can be vulnerable again with Lucy. That's one of the many reasons he fell for her, anyway.
Lucy peers up at him. "I want you to know that you can talk to me about Metro, about anything too," she says, and he nods. Really nods. "I think this weekend we shouldn't make any plans. No work, no nothing. Just us, all cozy here, catching up and making a plan to see each other more."
Tim beams. "I'd love that," he says, kissing her sweetly on the lips. She reaches up to hold his face and they stay there for a little bit, passing the love between each other.
When they finally pull apart for air, Tim asks, "How're you feeling now, after the dream?"
"Still a little shaken, but . . . I do want to go to sleep," she answers.
"Sounds like a plan. I'll keep the nightmares away, I promise," he vows, pulling the covers over both of them. Lucy shifts a bit to get more comfortable, then settles back against his chest.
They fall asleep like that and stay that way for the rest of the night. Due to the late hour, they're definitely still tired in the morning, but it's a start for them both to working through this new change in their relationship.