Work Text:
Noah braced himself.
He knew what was coming, he knew what he had to do— why was it so hard?
It was just a door, a stupid plank of wood that was painted red.
Yet it was scarier than anything he’d ever faced before.
Music could be heard inside, a generic pop song. Noah couldn’t help but hum the tune as he tapped his foot. He needed to move, it would look weird if he kept staring up at the door without doing something.
It wasn’t that the neighborhood was particularly bad, if anything it was generic. The drive over had garnered houses of similar design and color. Somehow the one he stood in front of felt different, livelier than all the other cookie cutter houses he’d passed. That could have been the bright lights strung up on the gutters and, the various blow up decorations shielding the house from outside eyes.
They were pretty noticeable, pretty different.
Christmas time was nearing, with that came the snow. Noah wore a scarf around his neck, head ducked into the fabric like a turtle. He’d slipped on a coat as he left his house, grabbing mittens as well. He knew better than to pretend that it wasn’t cold, knowing Canada they were probably days away from a freak snow storm.
The tapping— his tapping— got more incessant the harder Noah stared at the door. He shoved his hands in his pockets, trying to stave off the cold— it would be avoidable if he could just reach over and knock. It wasn’t something difficult, with his advanced intellect it was child’s play.
He was still frozen.
Behind the door was everybody he’d wanted to get away from since he met them. The original cast of Total Drama, the people he’d dealt with for a shot at fame— a lot of good that did him. It had been years since he’d seen them, he wasn’t even sure they remembered him— not that Noah was complaining. He could only recall a couple of people himself—mainly the ones with the more colorful personalities.
He didn’t want to relive his teenage experience of going away to summer camp and riding on a death trap with all of them. It was a thing he could look back on to scoff at in his stupidity. It wasn’t something he wanted to seriously deal with again.
Besides, he figured they’d all moved passed it— the show. He assumed that they changed from
The people they’d been.
He’d changed, gone from bitter to more bitter. Oh, he was older too, that was something he supposed. It didn’t matter as
They’d all moved passed the show, changed from the people they’d been—it was what he assumed anyways.
All he really knew was that he’d changed. Changed from being bitter to more bitter. Hey at least he was older. It didn’t matter as he still wasn’t anymore comfortable with himself than he had been. It was natural he supposed, his apathy was a shield for any negative emotions to bounce off.
He simply didn’t care anymore. His life hadn’t taken off how he wanted it and he was fine with that.
He knew that was a lie, everyone knew who he was after every reality show he’d been on— they meant nothing to him, not anymore. For one, brief, shinning moment he thought things were going well. He and Owen were winning, they were making friends, he was almost having a good time— he had a girlfriend for crying out loud, he hadn’t expected that.
Then it all fell apart, everything. It was routine at this point, like he was still at Chris’ whim waiting for the trap door to open underneath him. He didn’t need Chris to screw up his own life, he was doing a great job on his own.
It was just how things went, everything was great until it wasn’t. Noah hadn’t expected anything less given his luck.
They ended up losing, it wasn’t like he’d expected to win. That wasn’t the finishing blow. It came when Emma got accepted into law school. Noah knew it was coming, he knew what she wanted and he was fine with that. He had aspirations too, only he wasn’t doing a very good job at living up to them.
It was out of the country, over in the U.S. Noah was happy for her, they had went out to celebrate. It was meant to delay the inevitable conversation about what was going to happen next. Noah knew he wouldn’t like whatever it was.
They’d tried to make it work— more like he tried, as hard as he could. Noah told her he would move to America, get a place in the state where the school was located. They could make it work, he was willing to do whatever it took to stay with her, maintain the peaceful life he wasn’t sure he would ever have.
He’d gone too far, he knew he was desperate— she knew that.
That night, after a long discussion, she ended things. She claimed that she didn’t want to put up with him anymore but he could see the look in her eyes. She knew that he would move across the world for her, uproot his life for her and her alone— she was setting him free, doing what she thought was best.
Noah could only remember crying after, ugly tears he was unable to mask. He shouldn’t have acted so desperate, he shouldn’t have tried so hard. Why had he bothered trying to keep the one good thing in his life?
From then on he didn’t try. He didn’t try to reach out, he didn’t try particularly hard to do anything other than sit around in his apartment and work his part time job with minimal effort. He was fine, life was like that, feeling things was over rated. He could simply survive feeling nothing at all, he had made peace with that the day Emma left, eyes blotchy as she stormed out of the apartment.
Noah inhaled sharply, a breeze drawing him back to the present.
He needed to stop thinking about things. Why had he even agreed to come to some stupid Christmas reunion party anyways.
He’d gotten the invitation in the mail a couple months after the breakup— how Geoff managed to find his address was beyond him. He regarded it lazily, sticking the invitation up on his fridge because he felt bad tossing it. He hadn’t planned to go, let alone stand in front of the door frozen at the thought of seeing so many familiar faces.
There had to be a reason he’d slipped on his boots and wooly hat to get in his car— to drive 45 minutes to a random address in rural Ottawa.
There had to be a reason, the reason that he was terrified at the thought of knocking on the door.
The tears were building, the repressed tears that came when he thought about anything other than the present.
Ever since Emma left he couldn’t seem to stop them, they built up whenever they felt like it. There was probably a psychological explanation but, he didn’t want to analyze himself like some sort of lab specimen. It was probably nothing, nothing important anyways.
Noah dragged one of his gloved hands over his eyes, collecting any bits of water that may have escaped. He brought his other hand up to the door, finally giving it a loud knock.
It was rather unceremonious for his heart to be practically beating out of his chest— Noah could live with that.
A small part of him hoped no one had heard his pathetic attempt at a knock. That wasn’t the case.
The door handle jiggled, twisting until it was pulled open.
Crap.
He felt like he was on the verge of passing out. Noah pressed his face into a frown, trying to keep any emotion from escaping. It was just some dumb party, he wasn’t some socially inadept looser— he’d been to parties before, he knew what he was getting himself into.
Then he was hit with Geoff’s smiling face, the party going on behind him.
“Ohhh heyyy dude nice to see I didn’t think you were coming!” Geoff said. He held a cup in his hand, face slightly red and body swaying. It looked like he was a bit later, probably because of how long he’d stood on the porch contemplating life.
“Come on in dude I gotta tell the others.” Geoff said, moving away from the door so Noah could enter.
Noah obliged, stepping out of the cold. The heat was nice, soon overshadowed by the chaos inside.
People were dancing, people were talking, people were passed out drunk on the large couch Noah could see from the entrance— people, or person, in question being Duncan who looked to have gotten a couple more piercings since Noah had last seen him.
“Yeah it’s a little wild in here.” Geoff said, shutting the door. The sound drew the attention of the small crowd hanging out near the front.
“Hey guys look, Noah’s here!” Geoff said, holding up his cup.
“Oh cool man nice to see you” Tyler said. He looked the same as he always did, red track suit replaced for athletic clothes instead. He was leaning against the wall next to DJ.
DJ gave him a polite nod as well— wearing a festive necklace and wearing the same clothes Noah had last seen him in.
Geoff’s house had an open floor plan, as Noah could clearly see, meaning practically everyone downstairs could see the front door. Noah wondered if it was a good thing to get introductions over with all at once.
“Yeah..”Noah said, eyes flitting around to the others. Not only were the people chaotic but the house itself was near blinding. Geoff had at least three Christmas trees in different rooms and lights lined the staircase leading up to the top floor.
It looked like an elf had thrown up, the lights were hurting Noah’s eyes.
“Hey babe Noah’s here!” Geoff called through the house, Bridgette appearing from behind a small wall leading to the kitchen.
“Oh hey, it’s been so long, thanks for coming!” She said, nodding to him.
“The parties just getting started..a couple people decided to show up early though and then—“ Bridgette sighed.
“It went down hill from there.”
“But it’s nice to see you, I’m sure Owen’s around here somewhere if you came to see him.” Bridgette said. Noah felt his jaw twitch. It was a jerk reaction, fear being the precursor.
It had been forever since he’d seen Owen in person. They lived far apart and Noah didn’t have enough energy to keep in touch once the Ridonculous Race concluded. That didn’t stop Owen from trying, it hurt every time Owen messaged him, Noah knowing that he didn’t have the will power to respond. It had only been a couple months, maybe everything hadn’t sunk in yet, Noah hoped it hadn’t. Despite his shortcomings he knew he needed Owen, he just didn’t know how to say it.
“Okay..”Noah finally said.
“There are refreshments in the kitchen and we got a pool installed in the back that Justin and Izzy have been going nuts over.” Bridgette explained.
“You got a pool installed?” Noah asked. He knew those weren’t cheap, even ignoring the cost to upkeep them during the winter months.
“Yeah, Geoff used some of the winnings he split with Brody—“ Bridgette began as Geoff slung an arm around her shoulder.
“There were plenty to go around dude but I used a lot of it to throw this sweet party…and higher a PI to find you guys.” Geoff said casually. Noah wasn’t sure if the guy heard himself sometimes, Noah hoped that he was just drunk and not serious about what he’d just said.
Bridgette gave Noah a forced laugh.
“He’s kidding..I think.”
“Well I’ll leave you to it, thanks for coming again I know parties probably aren’t your thing.” Bridgette guessed, correctly at that.
“Yeah, no problem..” Noah said, finally turning his eyes towards the others again. They had gone back to partying, the new arrival only drawing their attention for a moment.
Noah took a deep breath. He unwrapped his scarf from his neck, placing it on a rack along with his hat, coat and, gloves. Lastly he took off his boots, fluffy socks hitting the hardwood floor. He wasn’t about to track mud and grass into the house, he wasn’t a slob like Duncan apparently was with his red converse set right on one of the cushions.
Everything was alive as Noah walked down the decorated hall. He felt dread brew in his stomach, dread that shouldn’t have been there in the first place. Things would be fine. He’d decided to come, this was no one’s fault but his own. Maybe he secretly wanted to see Owen? Maybe he wasn’t as bad of a person as he thought.
The internal crisis was more than he wanted to think about for the night so he grabbed a couple snacks from the kitchen and headed for the pool deck. Along the way he passed by a couple more past cast members— the most important of which being Gwen and Courtney. They were talking like they were old friends, playing some card game on the coffee table placed in the center of what looked to be Geoff’s second living room. How much money did he win on that show again?
Noah wasn’t bitter he just wanted to know how they split it.
Another pair he spotted was Lindsay and Sierra. Sierra was sitting next to Cody on the couch chatting with Ezekiel of all people while Lindsay was taking small sips of some fancy drink. They all looked older, Sierra’s hair cut short and Cody finally growing a couple inches. Don’t get him wrong he still looked wimpy but he wasn’t as pathetic. Lindsay was the one with the longest hair of the group, blond locks curled and her signature blue bandana still secured around her head.
Noah knew it was stupid to look surprised when he saw they had grown. The last time he’d seen them they’d been 17 it had been years. They all changed, at least tried to grow passed Total Drama. He was thankful he’d only been through two seasons of that shit show. Sure he’d gotten roped along for the spin off but, that show wasn’t nearly as bad— no one could beat Chris in sadism.
Ignoring any conversation, Noah slid the sliding glass door open. He walked out onto the pool deck, chill warded off by the heaters placed around the screened in area.
How some of them were swimming was beyond him.
Justin was laid out on one of the fold out chairs, shirt off. He looked the same. Noah was impressed he’d managed to keep his physique. It’d been a while since he’d seen him given that he didn’t make it onto World Tour.
His train of thought was lost as a large splash of water sprayed onto the deck— curtsey of Izzy who was apparently trying to get a running start for her cannonball.
Noah jumped back before the water could hit him, watching as Leshawna stood up.
“I know you did not just splash me.” She scolded.
“Whoops sorry haha I didn’t realize you were so close.” Izzy said.
“You almost got my darling Leshawna’s hair wet!” Harold added, standing up to her defense.
“Easy there Harold, why don’t we move somewhere else before the deck becomes a pool.”
“Okay..”Harold sighed. Noah predicted that a couple others had already had to do the same things. Izzy didn’t change, it would have been weird if she had. She was wearing a skin tight suit this time around, googles on like she was going scuba diving. She had come prepared but, Noah wasn’t sure what exactly she expected to do with her get up.
“Oh hey honey how’ve you been?” Leshawna asked, sitting up at the small outdoor bar run by Trent of all people. Lights were strung around the base of the counter and a large wreath sat on the shelves. Trent himself was wearing a Santa hat that almost covered his abnormally large forehead— almost. It was pretty festive, Noah was impressed.
“I’m good..just walking around.” Noah said carefully, Harold taking notice of his appearance as well.
“Oh that’s wicked, it’s been so long you look ..”Harold tried to find the right words to say.
“The same..I know.” Noah said.
“No man I meant to say older, did you get a hair cut?” He asked.
Noah looked at him surprised. He didn’t think he looked any different. Maybe he hadn’t noticed himself changing.
“Yeah, let it grow out then trimmed it a bit..”Noah said awkwardly.
“Well that’s wicked..I’ve totally been using this time apart to focus on myself too I learned three knew types of fighting, karate, jujitsu and most importantly Kung Fu!” Harold said, pulling up his leg and making chopping motions with his hands.
“Oh Harold.” Leshawna said, smiling. They seemed better off. Noah wondered if they were dating, it was hard to tell with them.
“Hey guys what can I get for you?” Trent asked, leaning in the counter like a bartender from every movie ever.
“Oh some pop for me.” Harold said.
“Give me something strong so I can forget about miss crazies dives.” Leshawna sighed.
“Anything for you Noah?” Trent asked.
“Uh..no I’m fine I’ll probably head back inside..nice seeing you guys.”Noah said, ducking out before he could get roped into a conversation with people he tolerated. He was craving peace, maybe the pool deck wasn’t the best idea.
Why had he even bothered to come if he didn’t want to strike up a conversation? He knew he hated small talk.
Noah’s path forward was blocked when he nearly ran into someone, a blubbery someone.
“Little buddy?” A voice cried.
Noah swallowed down his anxieties, meeting Owen’s eyes.
He was in the process of opening the sliding door when Noah caught him.
It was almost routine when Owen leaned in and wrapped his arms around him.
“I missed you so so much! I almost forgot what you looked like haha Oh it’s so good to see you!!!” Owen said happily. His hug wasn’t as bone crushing as usual, more tender. Owen always had that certain quality to him, Noah was used to it.
“I tried to call and text and send you letters and email you but, I don’t think you got any of them…” Owen said. He released Noah slowly, making sure he was set on his feet before letting go.
“Or you were busy but I understand I’m just glad you’re here now.” Owen said, calmer this time. He didn’t look too different from when they competed in the race together. Noah hadn’t expected him to change much.
“Did you see all the snacks, I’ve been helping Bridgette make them so it won’t look as bad when I eat them all.” Owen said, smiling.
Noah couldn’t do anything but return it, face twisting unnaturally. It probably looked stupid but Noah didn’t care.
“How are you?” Owen asked. He moved aside so they could both walk back into the house. Noah was grateful. He could hear Izzy do another cannonball in the background and didn’t feel like getting wet.
“Fine..just working— going to class.” Noah said with no hint of emotion.
“Oh, that’s cool my little buddies always been super smart!” Owen said. He ruffled his hair, Noah shoving him away with all his might.
“Hey it took gel to get it to stay.” Noah complained despite the fact that his hat had already ruined it.
“Oops sorry haha.” Owen said. He drew quiet.
Noah allowed things to fall silent. He could hear the chatter in the background, and the loud music. It was almost comforting for one moment before Owen spoke again.
“So..how are things with Emma?” he asked. They made their way to the newly freed couch, Sierra and Cody acting out something in the center of the room. It was probably charades, Noah didn’t care.
What did he say to that? He didn’t feel like lying to Owen but, he also didn’t feel like bawling his eyes out because Owen decided to bring up a sensitive subject.
“She’s..” Noah swallowed again. He hadn’t felt so anxious since his first day living alone.
“Away, the important part is she’s fine.” Noah said. He hoped Owen had matured in the couple months since he had seen him— matured enough to read Noah’s face and see that he was uncomfortable.
He did no such thing.
“Oh that’s good we should totally all meet up after this there’s this new pasta place near my house that I’ve been eyeing for weeks, you should both come down and visit whenever she comes back, where is she anyways?” Owen rambled.
“That sounds good—“ Noah held a false smile. Why had he come, why hadn’t he just stayed home and mindlessly scrolled through his phone.
“And she’s off at law school she got into this fancy place.” Noah said. He wished he had gotten a drink to delay in further responses, it was the adult thing to do. Noah wasn’t sure if he could call himself an adult. He didn’t feel like one.
“Oh that’s great buddy I’m sure you were super happy for her, you won’t have to work once she becomes a big shot huh?” Owen said, elbowing him playfully.
Noah reciprocated it statically.
“Yeah…”Noah finally said.
“So when is she coming back? I bet you’re counting down the days, I know I would be with a catch like that.” Owen whistled, Noah only sighed. He was trying to muster up as much fake enthusiasm as he could. He wasn’t the best actor but the faster he looked content the faster they could move away from the topic.
“I don’t know probably during the next break, I’m pumped!” Noah said. He realized he had said things too loud.
Shit.
“Oh Noah hi OMG I didn’t see you there.” Sierra said, stopping in the middle of her elephant impression.
“Oh hey dude.. what’s up? It’s been a while.” Cody greeted as well, smiling nervously.
Noah gave them a half hearted nod.
“Wait, is that Noah I didn't even see you come in, how have you been?” Gwen asked politely, stopping her card game with Courtney. It felt like a spotlight was put in him, why couldn’t they all just go back to ignoring him— he preferred that.
“My little buddies been doing great he was just telling me when his girlfriend’s going to get back from law school.” Owen said. He thought he was helping, he was only making it worse.
“Girlfriend? Good for you I didn’t think you could get someone.” Courtney said. There was the backhanded comments Noah was used to. It provided a strange sense of comfort.
“I know shocking.” He responded.
“Well what’s her name?” Gwen asked.
Noah’s mouth felt dry. He couldn’t just lie to them. Emma would probably be furious if she found out he was still telling people they were together.
No, she wouldn’t be furious.
She would be disappointed. She would give him that same look she did when she left, the one that told him everything he needed to know about himself.
Owen butt in before Noah could decide how screwed he wanted to be.
“Her names Emma they met on the race me and Noah did a couple months ago.” Owen said.
“Oh the one Geoff went on?” Cody asked.
“I watched every single episode of that show they were so cute!!” Sierra squealed.
“I mean the fan art is off the charts and I think people were drawing you two getting married and—“
Noah looked away. Hot tears were building in his eyes.
Stupid Sierra and stupid Owen for trying to make him feel better. He just needed to be alone, he just needed peace and quiet. He didn’t want to think about Emma or anything else. He should have just opened up, told Owen what happened and let him deal with it how he will. That was the smart move but, that was too much work.
“I have to go to the bathroom.” Noah said quickly. He stood up, hands shoved in his pockets.
The others regarded him confused, probably seeing the look on his face. Screw them, he didn’t feel like being cornered.
Noah ran away— walked fast more like it.
“Where’s the bathroom?” Noah asked as he approached Geoff— he was taking shots in the front room, Duncan watching with a smirk on his face.
“There’s one right there but, I think DJ’s puking in it so try upstairs.” He said. Noah was surprised he could form a coherent sentence.
Whatever.
Noah’s eyes traveled up the stairs. It was perfect. He didn’t think anyone would bother using the second story when all the action was taking place on the ground floor. He just needed a second, then he could answer their questions.
He began his trip up the stairs, hand trailing along the rails lined with lights and tinsel. Christmas was coming but, Noah didn’t feel the holiday spirit.
He felt nothing at all.
Noah stopped to catch his breath as he reached the top of the stairs.
The room he’d come to was dark, expanding into two hallways leading in opposite directions.
Noah didn’t waste time thinking about which way Geoff had pointed so he went right.
The hall was dark, sketchy almost. Noah didn’t care for the suspense so he reached for a light switch. The pathway illuminated quickly.
It was creepy how silent everything was compared to downstairs. It wasn’t like he was complaining.
It was hard to tell which door led to the bathroom — if any—but, Noah noticed a small closet next to one of the rooms— probably for towels. It would make the most sense if a door adjacent to it was, in fact, the bathroom.
The handle was a shiny gold color. Noah placed his hand on it, intent on taking a moment to gather himself, when a sight caught his attention.
Out of the corner of his eye he saw that the last door in the hall was cracked open. It wouldn’t have been strange if not for the fact that every other door upstairs was shut.
Curiosity was what compelled his feet to move further down the hall.
Checking things out sounded better than sulking in the bathroom. If no one was there he would resort to his earlier plan— maybe sneak out the second story window before Owen went up to check on him.
Noah reached for the door.
It slid open, letting out a low creak that only made Noah cringe. That was louder than he thought.
The room was dimly lit, a bedroom by the looks of it with a bed pressed against the wall. The picture frames displayed were collecting dust, no one had been in the room in a while. Noah understood given that Bridgette and Geoff lived in the house by themselves.
Noah noticed someone standing in the room, sheathed in moonlight streaming in from the windows.
They were overlooking the street in front of the house, hands pushed into their pockets. Noah’s rather loud entrance managed to draw them away from the sight.
“Hello?” The person asked. A person Noah recognized very well. The cast member he had been referring to when thinking of the few colorful personalities on the show.
“Alejandro?” Noah questioned aloud.
He looked different, recognizable, but different.
For one he wore a turtle neck— like the old Alejandro would every refuse an opportunity to show skin. He also had longer hair, immaculately groomed like always. The small clump of hair on his chin was a bit thicker, taking up more of his face. He looked the same yet older, his face filled with more emotion than Noah could dissect.
Maybe he should have just gone to the bathroom. Alejandro was a piece of work that Noah didn’t feel like dealing with.
“What are you doing up here?” Noah asked. He hated how personal it sounded, like they were friends and Noah had chased him upstairs intent on comforting him.
Noah shut the door, walking up to Alejandro’s side.
“Getting some air.” Alejandro said. It sounded dodgy.
Odd.
“Right, Mr. Life of the party is getting air…sure.” Noah said dryly.
“I should ask what you are doing up here.” Alejandro rebuked gracefully.
“Same as you.” Noah said, giving him nothing to work with.
“I see..”Alejandro said. He turned back to stare out the window, lips pursed.
“You look different.” Noah said as an off handed comment.
“…nice turtle neck.” He added.
Alejandro seemed to be caught off guard, giving him a laugh.
“You like it? I think it suits my frame quite well.” Alejandro bragged.
Noah looked him over seeing that he was right. It was snug in all the right places, leaving nothing to the imagination. It looked nice, Noah could admit that.
“When did you get here..I thought I arrived on time but I guess no one got the memo it was supposed to start at 6 p.m.” Noah said. It was small talk. Something to do. He knew things were bad when he would rather catch up with Alejandro than talk to his friends.
“I arrived hours ago..I am never tardy to anything.” He said.
“Right.” Noah said.
“And how long have you been up here.”
Alejandro paused, shuffling his feet almost awkwardly.
“I told our lovely hosts I had to go to the bathroom and never came back down..I doubt the others care.” Alejandro said. Was that self deprivation Noah heard? What had happened to him?
Noah knew about the robot suit and the volcano but he looked fine— wasn’t he fine?
“I’m sure Heather probably cares.” Noah commented. It was probably stupid seeing as a lot could change after All Stars had ended but he didn’t care. There were no stakes, no reason for Alejandro to deceive him anymore— at least he didn’t think so.
Alejandro’s breathing hitched.
“She could not make it to the party—“ Alejandro began.
“Oh that sucks..”Noah commented.
Alejandro looked away from the window, away from him.
“Because I told her I would be going.” He concluded, hands moving to toy with a loose strand of his hair.
“Oh.” Noah said.
“What happened?”
Alejandro looked hesitant to speak but, he opened his mouth none the less. Noah hated how he could relate to the feeling, trying so hard to bottle up your emotions while simultaneously wanting to just let it all out to the person next to you. It was a never ending fight.
“We got into a fight after the All Stars finale..we simply couldn’t see eye to eye so..” Alejandro scratched the back of his head.
“We decided to take a break…which for her means traveling around the globe on her own terms.” Alejandro said bitterly.
“She wanted to get away from you that bad huh?” Noah asked. It was meant to sound joking but, it ended up just sounding dull.
“Sí I suppose so.” He said.
“But, what about you amigo it has been a long time no? I didn’t take you as someone who enjoyed parties.” Alejandro said. He turned the charm on, like a switch had been flipped in his head. His smile was blinding, Noah nearly squinted.
“I’ve been fine..and I don’t like parties..I just figured I should come.” Noah responded. He messed with a loose string on the side of his shirt. He hoped Alejandro would get the memo and leave him alone. He wanted to talk about anything else other than his pathetic life as of the past couple months.
“I watched the show you and Owen competed in.” Alejandro said. Noah didn’t like the train of thought he was following.
“I understand that you finally found someone to put up with your snarky personality.” Alejandro said. His cruel grin made Noah’s face furrow in annoyance. He may have looked different but, his personality hadn’t changed at all. He was the same old Alejandro, tuned down a notch with money no longer on the line.
“You’d be wrong.” Noah said. He wasn’t going to go through another misunderstanding trying to weasel his way out of the question. He’d come upstairs to escape the chaos not get launched into another game of logic chess.
“I see…”Alejandro turned his body so that he was facing Noah. In the moonlight he almost glowed. It wasn’t a bad sight, Alejandro wasn’t a bad sight.
“Seeing as I told you my tale of woe I think it’s only fair—“
Noah broke away from him, scowling.
“I didn’t come up here to talk about my breakup I came up here to be alone..I just wanted to go to the bathroom..”Noah said. He walked towards the door, intent on leaving everything unfinished when Alejandro grabbed his hand.
“Wait amigo, I am sorry.” Alejandro said.
Alejandro, apologizing? Noah blinked trying to discern if anything was even real.
“It’s fine I just—“
“Not just for that, for everything I did during the competition..it was petty—immature.” Alejandro said.
Noah stopped trying to escape, arms relaxing.
Alejandro released him, staring awkwardly at his face.
“I have done some soul searching these past couple years…and I’ve been trying to be..”Alejandro looked pained just saying the word.
“Nicer.”
“Me and Heather both were until our fight..now it is up to me to finish things. I know my reputation and I knew this party was going to be a disaster but I wanted to come…I wanted to apologize.”
Alejandro sighed.
“I even brought cookies but, I think Owen ate them all as soon as I set them down” Alejandro said. Face twitching at the thought.
Noah was shocked. He knew it wasn’t a big leap yet it sounded so farfetched for the Alejandro he knew to be so nice.
“Are you sure you’re Alejandro?” Noah asked.
Alejandro leaned in closer. He gave him a wink, hands on his hips like he knew what the action did to Noah— nothing it was nothing it was simply cold upstairs.
“In the flesh, I am sure you missed me dearly Noah, and my muy guapo face.” Alejandro said jokingly.
It was meant to be a joke but, Noah found his stare lingering on him. He did look nice, objectively speaking. Noah would never admit to a soul that he even had a small , minuscule, crush on him during the competition. It was superficial, easily brushed off— yet those same old feelings were returning like they had never left.
Maybe fleeing was a good idea.
“Yeah, whatever.” Noah breathed. He knew his body was directed away from Alejandro, like he was afraid Alejandro was going to get closer, intimidate him. He was probably used to the Alejandro back on the show. The Alejandro in front of him wasn’t him, he was someone better—in theory.
The silence that followed the exchange filled Noah with more dread than standing outside the door debating whether or not he should walk into the party.
“I must say amigo, you have also changed a lot since I last saw you.” Alejandro said. Noah could see his eyes scanning him, almost admiring him. It was strange.
“You look…nice.” He said finally.
“The red of your vest really brings out your eyes.” He complimented.
Noah’s brain nearly short circuited.
Was Alejandro flirting with him?
Noah felt his cheeks warm, he couldn’t control the blood flow that showed Alejandro that whatever he was trying to pull was working.
“Thanks.” Noah said. Somehow Alejandro leaned closer, like he wanted something— a very interesting something.
Had Noah been back in the plane he would have analyzed the situation, assessed every one of Alejandro’s alternate possible intents behind the words, but he wasn’t on the show anymore.
Noah wanted to trust his first reaction— his gut. Overthinking things didn’t get him anywhere anyways.
Noah stared into Alejandro’s eyes. They were shinning, relaxed smile on his face.
Did he really want this?
Noah wasn’t sure if he wanted it.
It was weird but, something about it felt right. Maybe he was just tired.
Noah could feel Alejandro’s breath against his face, feel his heart beating nearly out of his chest.
It was a startling feeling, a welcome one.
Noah gave Alejandro a small smile, their faces leaning closer together. It was like they were in sync, Noah knew exactly when to move forward.
Their lips met in the middle. It was a soft kiss, a hesitant one. It felt strange but, right. A spark shot through Noah like a lightning bolt, sending the butterflies in his stomach into a frenzy.
It was nice.
Alejandro deepened the kiss, drawing his body closer to Noah.
Noah accepted the advances gratefully.
It felt amazing, Alejandro’s hands on him— his lips on his. He hadn’t been kissed in months, he’d forgotten what it felt like.
Then Alejandro pulled back, taking a breath. Noah craved more.
He was nice looking that was all. Everyone knew that. When else would he get the opportunity to kiss one of the hottest guys there, it was certainly a worthy excuse for why he had ditched the game of 20 questions downstairs.
Noah didn’t want to weigh his motivations too hard.
He didn’t even want to think so he kissed Alejandro— again.
Alejandro wasn’t expecting it, as evident by his jerky movement, but he made do. Noah wanted more, he wanted him. He wasn’t sure why. He hadn’t walked into the room with the intent of seeing Alejandro and he certainly hadn’t wanted to kiss him when he saw him. Why was he suddenly feeling so alive again?
It was a question Noah didn’t feel like answering as he was kissing him.
Alejandro acted pleasantly surprised at Noah’s willingness, drawing him closer with a hand around his waist— hovering right over the small of his back. His touch was warm, Noah felt tingles prick his skin. It was a nice warm, one Noah could get used to.
He returned the gesture by doing the same, holding on tightly to the back of Alejandro’s sweater. The fabric was thick, Noah ran his hands down it.
Alejandro’s lips were rough, his face was warm when it was pressed up against him. Since when was he such a good kisser? Noah supposed he had never kissed him before but, that was beside the point.
They broke away for a moment only to return for another kiss. It grew more intense when Alejandro began to push against him. It was like he wanted more, wanted to control the situation. Noah wasn’t going to give in.
He returned the force, hands reaching up to his neck and holding onto the locks of his hair that had fallen over his shoulders. It was silky, a perfect texture and color. Noah didn’t expect anything less.
Alejandro tore his lips away from him, panting from the effort. Noah did the same, meeting Alejandro’s eyes as he breathed. They were wide, sweat beading his forehead.
“Care to take this to the bed?” Alejandro asked.
“Don’t get ahead of yourself.” Noah muttered, common sense returning for one brief moment before Alejandro kissed him again. Then all thought washed away, replaced with pure warmth.
Alejandro’s lips were on his, he was hugging his waist, nails digging into the fabric to hold him closer. It was nice, it was dangerous, it felt right.
There was no longer a long pause between kisses. Alejandro simply broke away before placing one back on Noah’s lips.
The next time he did it he placed one lower. Noah almost assumed that he missed— kissing him on the jaw instead. It was a different level of good, Noah couldn’t quite describe it. He knew what he was doing, that was for sure.
It was confirmed when he began working his way down Noah’s neck, ignoring his collard shirt or the way his head had to awkwardly bend to reach his exposed skin.
It was too late, Noah was gone. Everything was gone, he wasn’t plagued by his worries or by his lack of them. He felt the right amount of emotion, an overwhelming amount as Alejandro was touching his lips to his neck.
Noah couldn’t be sure but, he inferred that Alejandro was feeling the same way.
They were a lot more similar than he realized, the similarities only deepened the more they grew.
Alejandro began sucking on his skin, there was no other way to put it. Noah had never understood the appeal of it until it was being done to him. God did it feel good.
Noah moved his hands up, gripping onto Alejandro’s head and holding it tightly. His other hand held his waist, trying to keep himself steady.
When he pulled back, Noah could feel the skin swell, Alejandro’s heavy breathing cut off when Noah returned his affection, going for the lips and not letting go.
What was he doing? He wasn’t sure.
All he knew was that he was pushing Alejandro towards the corner of the room, a large piece of furniture forcing Alejandro’s legs to bend.
Noah didn’t care, following him on his downward spiral onto the sheets of the bed.
He didn’t know what was compelling him forward. Hormones maybe but, it was more than that. Alejandro was who he wanted in that moment. A convenient someone who was making it awfully hard to think when his lips were against his.
Noah liked not thinking about things, just doing them.
He hadn’t expected to end up making out with Alejandro at a party but, who cared. It probably wasn’t the weirdest thing to happen at the house anyways.
Alejandro relaxed against the bed sheets, pulling back to take a breath.
Noah steadied himself, stealing his hand away to hold himself against the mattress. For all intensive purposes he was pinning Alejandro— even if he could easily brush him off. By the look on his face he wasn’t going to do that.
It was almost too easy to go back to work, kissing him again— and again, and again.
Alejandro wasn’t doing nothing, he used his hands to toy with the buttons on the shirt Noah had thrown on before leaving the house. Why hadn’t he just worn that stupid band T-shirt in his closet, it was poor planing on his part.
With every button Alejandro opened the more Noah became undone. Laying against him, feeling the fabric and underneath his bare skin was doing things to him. Strange things.
Feel feelings that made him do stupid things.
Alejandro tore away his shirt, leaving his chest exposed where the shirt opened.
The next kiss Alejandro didn’t go for the lips but his newly exposed skin.
He grabbed onto Noah, forcing him to roll to the side without much resistance. Then he planted his hands over top of him, effectively pinning him instead.
Noah stared up at him with a strange look, a lovesick look. It felt unnatural in his face.
Noah gave him a wide smile, hands limp at his sides. It looked like Alejandro had recovered.
It was one thing to force Alejandro onto the bed but, it was another to actually stare at him as he kissed his chest, tracing lines with his fingers on the rare occasion that they came up for air.
Noah wished he would keep going, he needed him to. He wouldn’t elaborate any further.
It was only when Alejandro reached his stomach that Noah took the moment to reach for his sweater. It was hiding a lot more than Noah wanted it to.
He tore at it with his hands, moving the fabric up— Alejandro not giving much protest. He was too busy sending shivers up Noah’s spine with every touch.
Noah was about to pull the sweater over Alejandro’s head when he heard footsteps coming up the stairs.
The sound was low but, hard to miss.
Noah froze, Alejandro following his lead. All that could be heard was their frantic breathing as they listened for the person that was currently making Noah feel very frustrated.
He was worked up, face hot and skin tingling where Alejandro had brushed his lips up against him.
The footsteps got closer before fading out once again— like they had never been there in the first place.
Noah let out a sigh of relief, relaxing onto the gray comforter. That was too close.
Noah stared up at Alejandro. He didn’t resume the kissing, he just stared.
Then he stood up, releasing Noah from his place pinned between him and the sheets.
Alejandros face was furrowed, like he was suddenly conflicted about what they were doing.
He took a moment to push his turtleneck sweater back down, combing out the wrinkles in it with his hand.
Noah sat up on the bed. He looked down at himself, his fully unbuttoned shirt with red marks running down his chest. He began redoing the buttons, hands shaking from the earlier action.
Why had he just done that? And why did he feel a strange longing the second Alejandro pulled away. He had wanted Alejandro to keep going. He was cursing out the random someone who had interrupted them.
He knew it wouldn’t be wise to go anywhere with Alejandro. It wouldn’t make him feel better. Yet it had.
He felt alive, the burden of everyone’s questions rolling off his back. He would be fine, things would work themselves out. That was what he told himself.
Noah cleared his throat to dissuade the silence, slinking off the bed. What was wrong with Alejandro anyways. He’d been the one to initiate things, at least that’s what Noah thought.
“I …apologize.” Alejandro finally said.
Noah gave him a strange look.
“I don’t know what came over me I didn’t mean to—“
“I’ll stop you right there.” Noah said, putting a hand up.
“You didn’t do anything I wanted—“ Noah let out a long drawn out sigh.
“I wanted it too..” Noah admitted.
Saying it aloud made it real. He was rebounding with Alejandro of all people. It wasn’t somebody he would have even put on the list—or who he even thought about. Maybe that was why he was the perfect person for the job.
“Sorry..If I went too far I got into it and didn’t think about anything.” Noah continued. He didn’t want to turn Alejandro off, for whatever reason.
“Oh.” Alejandro said, like he was shocked Noah wanted him. Everyone wanted him, most of them just didn’t want to admit it.
“Well I must admit that you were quite..enjoyable to kiss.” Alejandro said, giving him a small smile.
Noah wouldn’t deny the red he felt coat his cheeks.
He continued fidgeting with the buttons on his shirt, to delay responding. He hesitated when he reached the top. His collar did nothing to cover the red mark on his neck, the one Alejandro had graciously given him — Noah not giving a word in protest.
“Did you seriously suck on my neck..”Noah complained. It was frivolous but, that was what Noah needed.
Alejandro cracked a smile.
“I too got lost in the moment amigo.. although it does look rather nice on you.” Alejandro flirted.
Noah sighed. He hiked up his collar, hoping no one would pay it any mind. Maybe he could grab his jacket from the rack on the way down, that would be sure to cover it.
“I should probably go..”Noah said carefully. Was that how things went? They kissed and then he got up and left. It didn’t feel very special, meaningful.
“I was supposed to be going to the bathroom..” Noah added, looking at an analog clock on the wall.
“Of course…I did not mean to delay you.” Alejandro said, giving him an apologetic bow. Noah wasn’t even sure what he was supposed to say.
Thanks for making out with me it was nice?
I wish we had gone further?
I need you to do it again?
None of those sounded appropriate. Noah didn’t want to go back downstairs. He didn’t want to answer their questions about the girlfriend he no longer had. He wanted to stay upstairs and stay with Alejandro, explore the feelings that emerged from him simply being there.
They were nice feelings, exciting feeling.
But he couldn’t. Not in the present.
Noah exhaled, looking out into the silent street below them.
“I want to see you again.” Noah finally said. It wasn’t flirty, it wasn’t joking, he was dead serious.
Alejandro pursed his lips, remaining silent for a moment. Noah could hear his heart beating out of his chest.
“I feel the same..” Alejandro said.
He looked around the room for a moment, spotting a desk in one of the corners with a small pencil holder. He scrummaged around for a pencil before ripping a piece of sole document discarded on the table. He quickly scribbled something before returning the pencil and waking over to Noah.
He held the paper out.
“My phone number..if you want to try something more—“ Alejandro looked to the side, face displaying an unreadable emotion.
“Serious.”
“Thanks.” Noah said. He took the paper, twirling it between his fingers as he shoved it into his pocket.
Noah turned towards the door, knowing what would await him downstairs.
“It was nice..catching up with you amigo.” Alejandro called out as he reached for the handle.
“Yeah..”Noah said.
“I’m glad we could talk.”
And he was glad.
He needed that, he needed him. He still needed him.
Noah shut the door behind him, heart rate finally quelling.
Everything he’d just done was a bad idea but, Noah wasn’t worried about it. Because he liked it. Because it was something new, something exciting.
The paper felt heavy in his pocket, Noah clutching it in his fist. He wanted to take Alejandro up on his offer. He wanted to continue where they left off. He already felt like he was missing something, his skin cold where Alejandro had kissed him.
It felt like he had been stuck since Emma left but, Alejandro had forced him to move. Noah liked it, he wanted to move on— desperately— but he hadn’t known how.
Alejandro was that way out, the someone to take away the pain.
Was it smart?
Probably not.
Did Noah care?
No.
He’d given up caring so hard about all the ways he could screw his life up. Most of them had already been done.
If things did happen to blow up he knew what it felt like, he could get through it. It was worth it if it meant feeling like that again, feeling alive.
Noah walked down the hallway, a strange hope swelling in his chest.
Things weren’t better. They weren’t even good.
Yet he felt great.
That was all that really mattered.
He would move on, he had to.