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Chuuya left the bar when he couldn't stand the repeating Christmas music anymore. Despite his hopeful thinking, not even alcohol could make it bearable as time passed. At least not as fast as Chuuya wished it would. He decided he had suffered enough just as the fourth loop of the same five songs started. He never was a big fan of Christmas and all those awful songs didn't help to raise his excitement for it. It had quite the opposite effect, really. Oddly enough, he thought that today, just a few evenings before Christmas, he might enjoy the company of strangers in a bar more than being alone at home. Oh, how wrong he was about that. It was almost impossible to expect cheerful, good spirited people in a bar at a time like this, that much, he knew. But he didn't expect it to be miserable to this extent. Most people in there were either extremely alone and with no one to celebrate, deeply indulged in self-pity or drunk pseudo-philosophy or they were extremely ungrateful, having people at home waiting for them while they rather drank themselves unconscious, rambling about their shitty life before they pass out. It was all in all just a depressing place with even worse music. How could people listen to those songs for almost an entire month? He lost it after not even an hour. While he hadn't had the best life so far either, he couldn't bring himself to spend his time like this. Sighing, he put his hands in the pockets of his coats and, since there was no where else to go now, headed straight home. He would've frozen his ass off, without said coat. And yet, no snow had fallen. It was a shame. Snow made everything seem cleaner, empty and sterile, in a way. Snow buried everything under a white cap and hid shit nobody wanted to see, it was the only good thing about winter. But no. There was all the usual Christmas and winter shit except for snow. What a joke.
While he couldn't stroll through the snow due to it not existing, he still took his sweet time to get home. It probably took him longer than usual, though he couldn't really tell. Whenever he visited that bar, he did so directly after work. When he went home then, he was normally too drunk as if to remember how exactly he got home, or how long that took him, for that matter. To his credit, that didn't happen to often. Once every few months. Basically every time when he had the overwhelming desire to feel normal, for once. Sitting in a bar filled with strangers who didn't care about each other at all was a welcome contrast to running around as an executive of the Port Mafia. It was a pleasant feeling, not being known. Once in a while, he needed that. He knew it wasn't smart, his way of handling things. Going there after a job well done, at least he hoped it was well done everytime, wasn't save, neither for him, nor the poor bastards in the bar. It was most likely that someday, someone would follow him in an attempt to take revenge. And maybe this person wouldn't wait until he'd stumble out of the bar, drunk as fuck, though that would be the smartest choice. But people didn't always act smart or rational, especially when it came to strong longings like revenge. Some people tend to just get caught in them, focusing in on their goal while not seeing the big picture. That day on which Chuuya would be that goal wasn't today, though, and probably wouldn't be for quite a while. Still, that didn't mean for him to provoke it by drinking himself into oblivion in a public bar. It wasn't even really worth it. His visits there barely ever eased his mind and yet, he tried it over and over again. After all, someone pretending to be normal was still not normal.
So it was a first for him, following this path home almost sobber. The little alcohol he had before the music chased him out wasn't nearly enough to get him drunk. But when he arrived at the apartment complex he lived in, he questioned his own alcohol tolerance. Maybe the christmas music had gotten to his head, twisting some of his synapses. He was seeing things. Surely, he was seeing things. He must've been seeing things, otherwise, there was no explanation for whatever the fuck was going on in front of the door of the building. Someone was sitting there, seemingly asleep, head hanging low, face hidden beneath brown hair. Still, Chuuya immediately recognized that all too familiar way of slouching. The cold really got to him now, as he froze in place. He was torn between leaving, turning around and just walk off would've been so easy, really, or confront the man in front of his door. His inner fight with himself ended in him crossing the distance between him and his visitor in god-speed, thoughts running wild as he stared down at him. Holy fucking shit, that really is Dazai. What's he doing here? I thought that waste-of-bandages had left for good. Damned traitor. I should kick his face in right now, at least kick him so hard he'd have trouble breathing for months. How could he just leave me like that? I should kill him, I should really fucking kill him and serve his useless head on a silver plater to Mori. I missed him but why the fuck is he here? He's not supposed to be here. Is leaving the Port Mafia just a joke to him? Does he really think he can leave and reappear whenever he feels like it? Why can't he think about the consequences of his own damn actions for once? He vanished for months. Why didn't he find me sooner? Why did he come here at all? What the fuck am I supposed to do now? I should- I should-
His spiralling thoughts got interrupted by an almost too loud yawn. "Chuuya?" Dazai looked up at him, mouth hidden behind his hand, as if to stifle another yawn. Chuuya couldn't tell if this man had actually been asleep or if he had just pretended to be asleep. Both options were highly possible. Dazai didn't look too worried, as if sitting in front of Chuuya's apartment building couldn't cause any trouble for both of them. However, he had to know. Though he acted like an idiot once in a while, he was smart enough to know that he didn't put only his life at risk with this, but Chuuya's as well. He probably enjoyed seeing Chuuya like this, traped in an endless predicament. He was caught between relief and hatred. He was glad Dazai seemed to be doing well and he hated him for running away. Chuuya couldn't just ignore Dazai sitting in front of his door, so he had to deal with him, in one way or another, and that meant he had to betray someone. No matter what he would do know, he'd either betray the Port Mafia or Dazai. Sure, being an executive brought him to his knees sometimes, pushed him down and made him feel like shit but that was who he was. There was a role he had to fulfill and a responsibility he had to bear. It was a twisted relationship between him and the mafia, but at least it gave him purpose. That's what he had chosen for himself. He belonged to the Port Mafia and nowhere else. But at the same time, the man in front of him was Dazai. When he was still around, he made life a little more bearable and stressful at the some time. They were a team, and a damn good one at that. They were a good match, despite their differences. Or maybe precisely because of their differences. They fit together like they were made for each other. And then, Dazai decided to leave. The only message he left behind was a bomb in his car. All things considered, it should have been easy to figure out what to do with the traitor. And yet Chuuya hesitated.
"Why are you sitting in front of my door?" Chuuya asked in an attempt to buy himself some time to sort his thoughts. Deep down, he knew he couldn't kill Dazai now, not if the other wouldn't let him, but at the same time, Dazai wasn't a direct threat to him either, so he had at least not to worry about that. But Dazai's mere presence was a danger in itself. If the Port Mafia would've find out, he might've been done for. At the very least, they would view him as a traitor too.
"Well, you would probably kick me out if I had just broken into your apartment, so I'm waiting for you to let me in on your own." Dazai shrugged, still sitting on the ground in front of Chuuya. He looked up at him, probably contemplating a joke about Chuuya being taller than him for once. “You let me wait a long time though. I thought I might freeze to death out here. Not that I would complain about that, but it was boring and-”
"You know damn well I wasn't asking about that." Chuuya was getting sick of the other playing dumb while he selfishly put Chuuya at risk. Dazai sat there for a long time? If that was true, god knows who could've seen him by now. He pictured it in his head already, some little bootlicker sucking up to Mori by telling him he saw Dazai at Chuuya's. This wasn't fair. Dazai decided to leave, so he should've just stayed wherever he ran off to. Why did he always had to make everything so damn complicated? There was no need for him to come back, he didn't need to look for Chuuya, as if nothing had happened. They weren't a team anymore. With Dazai leaving, that should've just been it. It was other, everything they had.
"No? What were you asking me, then?" Dazai even had the audacity to smile at Chuuya, which made the redhead just angrier. He really was enjoying that bullshit. If the situation would've been different, Chuuya might have enjoyed their banter as well.
“You should've just fucking killed yourself already, you piece of shit,” Chuuya hissed, hands turning into fists. He could feel his nails digging into his skin even through his gloves. Only Dazai was talented enough to piss him of that much and that damn prick was probably proud of it.
"I'm sure we both would've enjoyed that. Sadly, I haven't managed yet but don't worry, I'll make sure you'll be the first person to know as soon as I actually pull it off." With that, Dazai finally stood up. For someone who claimed he almost froze to death while waiting for Chuuya, he managed to sit surprisingly long on the the cold ground. As he moved, a paper bag rustled behind him.
"What's in there?" Chuuya asked, gladly jumping at the distraction while crossing his arms in order to stop penetrating his poor palms. Their was nothing weird about the bag itself, but since Dazai was the one who it belonged to, it was suspicious as hell. Especially since he mad an effort to not let Chuuya see it's contents.
"Are you sure this is important right now?" Dazai questioned while he mimicked Chuuya's pose. He took a step back, hiding the bag completely with his body now as he started to look around. "So, what's your guess? What will the Port Mafia decide on when they see the two of us together?"
"You're the worst person I've ever had the displeasure of meeting." Chuuya couldn't resist looking around as well now. To his relief, the street was still empty besides them. Dazai grinned at him. He looked so pleased with himself and Chuuya hated when he made that face because usually when Chuuya was on the receiving end of this face, it meant he had Chuuya wherever he wanted him to be. The worst part wasn't that Dazai had him under control, the worst part was that Chuuya knew it. It could have been so easy to just say “Go fuck yourself." He could have just sent Dazai away. Sure, that still probably wasn't what the Port Mafia would expect from him, but it was better than just let Dazai do whatever Dazai wanted to do. But Chuuya couldn't. He couldn't let Dazai go now after he came back after months without knowing why he came back in the first place. Chuuya was intrigued and Dazai knew it and used it against him and Chuuya knew it and hated it but couldn't do anything about it because of his own curiosity. So he fell right into that trap just because he wanted to find out what would come next.
Chuuya fiddled his key out of his pocket, all the while glaring at Dazai who in return just smiled at him. As he felt the urge to kick that smile out of his face, he instead turned towards his door, unlocking it. He didn't even need to tell Dazai to get his ass in there because he immediately walked past Chuuya, that ominous bag in his hand. Chuuya watched him as he naturally disappeared into the hallway, walking towards the elevator that would bring them up to Chuuya's floor. He remembered Dazai taking this path without a care in the world when he was still part of the Port Mafia. Back then, Chuuya hadn't felt this torn. He felt annoyed, sure, watching how Dazai walked around as if he owned that building, often inviting himself by breaking in. But that was about it. They were still partners, after all. He had gotten used to it, to Dazai's presence. He had gotten used to coming home to find Dazai sleeping on his couch or watching TV or writing the reports he always complained about. Hell, he'd even got used to Dazai disappearing for a week only for him to randomly show up in his apartment again. If he would let it, this situation would've felt far too familiar. He had to admit, he was tempted to just pretend this was one of Dazai's usual disappearances, only that it was a bit longer this time. But he knew that this was different. Dazai hadn't just taken a break, he left. He left and he shouldn't be here, yet he was back.
"Did you freeze in place or why are you still standing around there?" Dazai had turned towards Chuuya when he stopped in front of the elevator, waiting for Chuuya to reach him. Even from the distance, Chuuya could see his face twist into slight impatience when he discovered Chuuya hadn't moved an inch from where he originally stood. Just what was this man's deal?
"Fuck off" Chuuya muttered to himself, yet he made his way over to the elevator. Satisfied, Dazai turned towards the the elevator again, pressing the button that would call it down. Just as Chuuya stopped next to Dazai, it's doors opened. Dazai gestured for Chuuya to enter first, as if Chuuya was his guest and not the other way around. Chuuya rolled his eyes at him but managed to hold back any insult that threatened to leave his mouth. When the elevator stopped again on the selected floor, Chuuya left first, key to his apartment firm in his hand. Firstly, the sooner he had Dazai in his apartment, the more unrealistic would it be for Dazai to be discovered by anyone and secondly, he spent enough time with Dazai to know well enough that this bandage-wasting-device would just break into his apartment if Chuuya wouldn't unlock it fast enough. That being said, he heard Dazai sigh quietly next to him when he managed to open the door himself. With a key. Not a lockpick.
When Chuuya let him in and closed the door behind them, Dazai immediately rushed past him into the living room. This man had zero respect for privacy. Not that Chuuya would've expected him to in the first place. It bothered him less than he'd ever admit, mainly because that would probably be enough confirmation for Dazai to know Chuuya had missed him. It was only natural, though. They went through a lot of shit together. When he followed Dazai into the living room after hanging up his coat, he could barely contain the yelp that almost slipped out his mouth. Walking into his living room just to see Dazai laze around on his couch was a scene all too familiar to Chuuya's liking. He somewhat expected Dazai to greet him with "Welcome home" like he used to. When he didn't, Chuuya wasn't sure if he was glad about it or not. Dazai straightened up without taking his eyes off Chuuya, who was still standing in the doorway. For once, Chuuya couldn't tell what was going through that suicidal maniac's head. Maybe, and that was a big maybe, Dazai finally realized that his visit to Chuuya was more than just a silly little joke. Though if that were the case, than Dazai would be extremely good at hiding it.
"So? Care to explain yourself now?" Chuuya asked, leaning against the doorframe. He couldn't bring himself to walk over to the couch just yet, so instead, he made himself as comfortable as he could in the frame, hopefully looking less troubled than he felt.
"You won't hate me less than you do now just because I tell you a heart-wrenching story why I left the Port Mafia." Chuuya expected an answer like this, one that wasn't an answer at all. Oddly enough, Dazai's shallow excuse didn't anger him. He'd rather not get an explanation than being lied to. It bothered him, sure. But Dazai being a bother was nothing new to him.
“I didn't ask why you left, I asked why you came back.” Forcing Dazai to reveal to him why he left would've been futile now. He wouldn't tell him. It would either lead to Chuuya getting lied to resulting in him kicking Dazai out or Dazai being a persistent fuck doing everything he could to stay in Chuuya's apartment. If Dazai thought Chuuya didn't need to know why he left, then Chuuya accepted that for now. The fact that Dazai came back was proof enough for Chuuya that his old partner was still attached to him. He'd get another chance to get the truth out of him.
“Actually, you asked me why I was sitting in front of your door. Which I answered, by the way.” Dazai straightened up, a grin plastered on his face. He looked very pleased with himself.
“For fucks sake, Dazai,” he groaned. Even now, Dazai didn't fail to annoy Chuuya as much as he could. Dazai laughed while Chuuya sighed. Despite all the stress he caused him, Chuuya felt more at ease now. At least Dazai was still Dazai. Chuuya made his way over to the couch, dropping himself next to the laughing idiot. This thankfully caught his attention, distracted him enough to stop laughing. He cleared his throat as he looked away from Chuuya, reaching for the paper bag he dropped near the couch.
“So. You wanted to know what's in here, right?” He didn't wait for Chuuya to answer, probably reminding him that Dazai hadn't told him why he was there in the first place. Instead, he started to rummage through the bag. As his hand seemed to touch what he was looking for, he let out a satisfied hum. He dragged out a little box with fairy lights and immediately offered it to Chuuya, who took it perplexingly. “Well. It's stuff we need to celebrate Christmas,” he explained while he took out several more boxes of fairy lights.
“What? But it's not even Christmas yet!” Chuuya looked up from the lights he examined curiously and shot his questioning look at Dazai instead. “That's why you're here?“ That was a joke, right?
“It's almost Christmas, I think that should count.” He shrugged. “You don't have a tree, right? We'll just wrap one of those around one of your plants and scatter the other ones inside this room.” Chuuya felt his brain short circuit. Did he step into a parallel universe? What the fuck was going on. Maybe he didn't go home from the bar but drank himself into some weird hallucination. That would be the most logical explanation he had for any of this.
"Hey, you better leave my plants out of this!" Hallucination or not, Chuuya's complain came immediately. He barely managed to keep those plants alive, there was no need to threaten their existence even more by misusing them as a Christmas decoration. Though Dazai seemed to think differently about this.
"Oh come on, just one? It won't take any damage by it, I promise!" When he looked at Chuuya, he did it as pleadingly as he probably could. Chuuya huffed.
“If you kill one of my plants, I'll kill you!” Chuuya threatened. He could already picture the dead plant in his head, strangled by fairy lights, irretrievably dead. He couldn't let that happen. That poor plant was innocent. And buying a new plant would've been to much of a hassle. Chuuya had far too less time already, he didn't want to spend his few free time plant shopping.
"Oh, is that a promise? Maybe I should accidentally kill one." Chuuya knew Dazai wasn't actually considering it though he tried very hard to pretend like he was. He wouldn't risk it, since it meant that Chuuya would actually kick him out. That would probably defeat the whole purpose of his visit. And yet, Chuuya felt a slight rush of panic when Dazai stood up to get a plant for his plan.
"Dazai!" He warned, grabbing the other man by his arm. Dazai gently shook off his hand and went off to the other side of the room. Chuuya stood up as well, eyes following every movement Dazai made. If he was honest, he didn't even know which kind of plant Dazai was just picking up. It was green and had leafs, that much, he could tell. But even despite that, he had a slight urge to save it from Dazai's murderous hands. Dazai turned to face Chuuya again, the plant secure in his arms.
"See?" Dazai smiled at him. "I didn't do anything to your plant." Yet, Chuuya liked to add. When Dazai made his way back to the couch, he walked as slowly as he could, feigning extreme caution. Chuuya rolled his eyes at him. "Alright. We have a plant and we have lights. Combining them might be a bit hard though."
"Are all of those the same length?" Chuuya asked as he pointed at the fairy lights. Dazai shook his head. Great, so maybe he could convince Dazai to just use the shortest one. Dropping that around the plant shouldn't do any damage.
"No, but even the shortest length might still be to long," Dazai answered, as if he had read Chuuya's thoughts. He set the plant down on the table in front of the couch, then knelt besides it to take a better look. "Maybe we can knot it around the pot and then just wrap it around somehow."
"Here," Chuuya said as he passed Dazai the shortest light he could find. Dazai took the fairy lights, wrapped them around the pot and made a knot. It took him multiple times to get the strings correctly but finally, it worked. "That seems wonky." He shouldn't even be helping Dazai with this bullshit in the first place.
"It's the best I can manage. I'll just wrap it around the plant and hope for the best." Dazai fiddled with the strings some more, adding a few more knots around the pot itself and then started to loosely wrap it around the plant. As he predicted, the fairy lights were too long, so instead of wrapping it fully around the plant, he let the ends hang over. When he finished off his decorating by draping the lose ends on the table, he stood up, looking proudly at his work and then at Chuuya.
"Well, that looks...weird" Chuuya stated. It didn't look like the fairy lights would stay on for too long. For that, Dazai's construction wasn't stable enough. Dazai frowned, almost as if insulted. "That doesn't mean it's ugly though!" Dazai hummed. He didn't seem to believe Chuuya, but nonetheless, he hit the little switch on the battery box. The lights lit up, but that didn't manage to make it look less weird. But still, Dazai tried his best. His creation had something to it. It wasn't a masterpiece, but it was certainly something.
"I mean, it's not a tree, obviously, but I think it's great. And now that we're done with that, we should find spots for those" Dazai said, making a gesture towards the remaining fairy lights. Chuuya was glad that all of those had the simple white light. His room would probably look like a circus had exploded in there if Dazai would've brought the ugly colorful ones.
"We could hang on up by the window? I'll keep the curtain closed, though." Chuuya grabbed on of the lights himself. "And maybe one around the door frame? I don't know if that will hold, but we can try."
"One on top of your shelves" Dazai added. "And the last one... In front of your TV." He chuckled. "To be honest, I didn't think you actually let me pull this off, let alone help me with it."
"Shush." Chuuya waved him off. "Get to work already, this was your idea." He turned away from Dazai, using his sudden need to decorate the window as an excuse. He heard Dazai chuckle behind him, but besides that, he didn't comment further on it. Chuuya didn't exactly know why he went with Dazai's plan to celebrate Christmas so easily himself. It was so random, really. Dazai probably just used it to have a reason to bother Chuuya. But if that's what brought Dazai back, then so be it. Just this once he'd let him off the hook easy. Next time that waste-of-bandages would show his face again, he had some explaining to do. But for now, he'd just let him be.
Putting up the fairy lights was easier than expected. Sure, it wasn't perfect, but at least they made it work, somehow. Dazai turned off the lights of the living room, making them stand in the dark, the fairy lights as the only illumination. He whistled appreciatively. Chuuya knew his expartner was probably patting himself on the back right now. To be fair, it looked pretty cool.
"Since we're done with this," Dazai said, flicking the light back on, "We should start baking cookies." Chuuya felt his brain short circuit again. It was almost impressive how Dazai managed to cause that this often.
"We should start doing what?" Chuuya asked, unsure if he heard Dazai correctly. His mind playing tricks on him was far more believable than Dazai actually baking cookies. He'd either just buy them or let someone else make them.
“You can't celebrate Christmas-”
“It's not even-”
"You can't celebrate Almost-Christmas without cookies. And before you say Oh Dazai, I don't even have the ingredients for that fear not, I brought them as well." Dazai looked rather proud of himself. It seemed like he had really put some thought into this whole celebration ordeal. Sometimes, this man was unbelievable, really.
"Well." Chuuya hesitated. He was slightly worried for his kitchen. On the other hand, they'd just bake some cookies. Not much could go wrong. "Alright." Hearing Chuuya's agreement, Dazai immediately snatched his bag and made his way to the kitchen, as if he was scared that Chuuya would change his mind. Chuuya caught up with him and entered the kitchen first, looking around in slight worry. He hoped he wouldn't regret this afterwards.
"Okay, I bought vanilla, baking soda, flour and chocolate chips. You do have butter, eggs and salt, right?" With every ingredient he named, he pulled it out of the bag and put it on the kitchen counter. Then he crumpled up the bag and carelessly threw it in the trash. Chuuya huffed.
"I obviously have those. So we're making chocolate chip cookies? Shouldn't be too hard." He rummaged through his cupboards and fridge to get the missing ingredients and a bowl. "So do we just...mix the ingredients now?" Just because he felt like this should be easy didn't mean he knew what to do. He had no clue whatsoever.
"Yeah, we mix the sugar and butter with the eggs and vanilla first." Dazai went to wash his hands and Chuuya followed his lead. As Chuuya dried his hands with a towel, Dazai was already looking at the ingredients more closely, as if he hadn't seen them ever before. "Do you have a whisk? Or even better, a mixer?"
"A whisk, yes," Chuuya said, already moving to grab it. "How much of anything?"
"Uhm." Dazai looked puzzled for a moment. "Honestly, I don't know." Chuuya sighed. So much about Dazai being extremely well prepared. Was Chuuya surprised? Not really. But improvising the measurements would probably end in a disaster.
"Let me grab my phone, I'll look it up." He only managed to make one step towards the door before Dazai grabbed his arm, causing him to stop. Chuuya looked at him in confusion mixed with slight annoyance. Someone had do to the research here and if it wasn't Dazai, then Chuuya had to do that part.
"Can't be that difficult, right? We just use as much as we feel like." Dazai shrugged and let go of Chuuya's arm. Though he still felt like they shouldn't improvise this, he kept standing in front of Dazai instead of getting his phone from the living room.
"I don't think this is a good idea." No, Chuuya actually thought it was a terrible idea. Horrible, really. Absolutely shit.
"Oh come on, was I ever wrong?" This must've been a rhetorical question, right?
"Yes. Multiple times. A lot, actually."
"Are you afraid that the dough will come to life and eat you or what?" Dazai teased. Chuuya rolled his eyes at him, yet he handed him the whisk.
"Very funny. Alright then. Start mixing." Dazai threw him a look that screamed why me. However, before he could complain verbally, Chuuya silenced him with a wave of his hand. "It was your idea to bake and you're the one who didn't look up a proper recipe beforehand, so you do the measurements and mixing." If Dazai wanted to improvise, the he should do it himself. Chuuya had no idea about how much you need of everything to make edible cookies and he knew Dazai had no idea either. So if he fucked it up, that was completely on him. Chuuya had no part in this.
"Alright, alright." Dazai raised his hands in surrender. Then, he eyed the ingredients. He took the butter and, after contemplating for a few seconds, threw the whole batch into the bowl. When the butter hit the ground of the bowl, it made a loud banging noise.
"You sure that's-"
"Silence. I know what I'm doing." With that being said, he emptied almost the whole bag of sugar into the bowl as well, topping it off with the vanilla and some eggs. "You know," he said as he tried to mix the ingredients more or less in vain, "that's more tiring than I thought."
"Probably because the butter was in my fridge until 2 minutes ago." Not that Chuuya was to blame for that. Baking wasn't on his to-do-list for today. Also, he tried to warn Dazai. Maybe he should've listened to him for once instead of cutting him off immediately.
"Would you mind dissolving the baking soda in water while I'm doing this shit?" Dazai did look troubled alright. He desperately tried to mash the hard butter while mixing it with the other ingredients and neither seemed to work very well. He did that to himself though. Then again, Chuuya took pity on him.
"How much water, how much baking soda?" Chuuya eyed the little bags of baking soda with some serious uncertainty in his face. This was probably his first time using baking soda. How was he supposed to know the right ratio here? There was zero chance that Dazai might know, considering the last couple of minutes but still, if he gave him clear instructions, at least he could blame Dazai if that would go wrong.
"I don't think you can really fuck that up, so just do whatever. It should work out somehow." Dazai was still focused on his part of the dough. It seemed like the butter slowly started to cooperate but it would still take some time until it would be the way Dazai wanted it to be.
"Alright," Chuuya said, grabbing a measuring cup for himself. He filled it up with as much water he thought was needed and then added in the baking soda before he mixed if with a spoon. It went well, for a second. The baking soda dissolved within the water, changing it's colour slowly to white and forming little bubbles. Maybe Chuuya wasn't as clueless as he thought he was about this. Or maybe he was even more clueless, because suddenly, it started to overflow. "Fucking shit, what's it doing?" Alarmed by Chuuya's panic, Dazai looked up from his own mixing. His eyes grew wide as he saw the puddle forming around the measuring cup.
"We're baking cookies, not building a volcano for a science project, what did you do?" Dazai asked, yet he offered no help. Instead, he watched as Chuuya hastily threw a towel on the counter, wrapping it around the cup. Chuuya could choke Dazai to death for this comment alone.
"I added the baking soda to the water!" How the hell was he supposed to know that would happen? It wasn't his fault he didn't have any real instructions! Dazai should've just let him google. So much for it not being something you can fuck up. At least it stopped spilling by now. He was surprised there was still something left in the measuring cup.
"Oh well. That should still be okay to use. Probably." When Dazai saw the overflow stop, he returned to his own task of mixing. Chuuya, a little afraid that the mixture would rise again if he continued stirring, dropped the spoon next to the measuring cup and instead cleaned up the last drops of water and threw the wet towel in the sink. He didn't want to deal with that now. He rather waited for Dazai to finish, which took quite awhile. "Alright. Let's add that stuff together." Chuuya carefully picked up the measuring cup and poured it's content into Dazai's mixture. Thankfully, it just mixed in normally without creating another volcano-incident. "Great, now pour flour in."
“Let me guess, I just stir in whatever amount and we hope for the best?” Chuuya asked and Dazai confirmed his suspicion with a nod. With a sigh, Chuuya took the whisk from him and slowly added more and more flour. Couldn't get any worse at this point anyway. "You think that's enough yet?"
"Maybe?" Dazai looked at the dough a little more closely and wondered whether it should look like this. "Seems about right, I think. Only one thing missing now." He grabbed the chocolate chips and threw them into the dough while Chuuya gave the dough one last mixing.
“You know, maybe I should get one of those electric mixers. Doing this crap by hand with a whisk was pretty annoying.” Not that he planned on baking any more in the near future. But why shouldn't he have one? You never knew when that might come in handy.
"Tell me about it! I mixed that longer than you did!" Dazai looked at him as insulted as he probably could. "My arms hurt!" For this, Chuuya didn't feel sorry at all. Dazai brought this upon himself. He should be glad Chuuya even took over some of the tasks.
"Yeah, but who wanted to bake cookies in the first place?" Chuuya reminded and Dazai huffed.
"Anyway. Let's put the dough on a baking sheet." Of course he would avoid this question now. As if he would take responsibility for the consequences of his own actions.
"Just like that? We take some dough and just form cookies? The boring round ones?" There was nothing wrong about that per se. But considering Dazai's oddly festive preparations, Chuuya expected something different.
"They aren't boring! And also, do you have cookie cutters? Cause I don't." Chuuya couldn't remember the last time he used cookie cutters. Did he ever used them before? Probably not, if he thought about it.
"You brought so many stuff but no cookie cutters." That was almost disappointing. Only almost, though. The cookies still would taste the same, no matter if they are round or reindeer shaped. It's like with dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets. They taste technically the same, they just look cooler.
"Don't flatter yourself, I'd never go such lengths for you." Dazai crossed his arms and then shrugged. "But if you wanna bring some shape into the cookies, just use a knife." Chuuya imagined himself shaping cookie dough into a reindeer and immediately cringed. Also, that would take ten times longer than just making them round. Considered the amount of dough they had, that would take fucking long. They'd be in the kitchen the whole night.
"No, there's no need for that. Let's just make them round." And so they did. Little by little, they took small pieces of the dough, shaped them into round patches and threw them on a baking sheet. Chuuya hated the way the dough stuck to his hand but he didn't complain. Sticky dough meant it was good dough, right? He wasn't sure how it's consistency was supposed to be.
"Okay, so now, we put them into the oven for about fifteen minutes. That should be enough." As Dazai put the last piece on the baking sheet, he rushed to the sink, carefully put the wet towel aside Chuuya threw into it and scrubbed his hands aggressively. Chuuya couldn't blame him. His own hands felt disgusting as well. So instead of doing as Dazai said, he waited for him to finish washing his hands and did the same thing once Dazai stepped away. While he did, Dazai took matters into his own hands and put the cookies in the oven.
"We can use that time to clean up this mess." His kitchen didn't look as bad as he feared it would. Still, they couldn't leave it like that. They had to at least wash up the tools they used and definitely wipe across the counter.
"We should, yes." Despite saying so, Dazai let Chuuya do all the work while he pretended to be useful. Chuuya did cuss him out for that, yet he was somewhat glad about it. Dazai's help would probably make everything worse. Either completely due to uther clueless or pretend clueless so he'd never had to help again. One way or the other, he'd be more of a nuisance than actual help.
"All done." After finishing his cleaning, Chuuya clapped his hands and looked around the kitchen. It almost looked like they hadn't even used it.
"Perfectly in time," Dazai said as he checked his phone. "Cookies should be done by now." He stood up from where he currently sat and walked towards the oven. Carefully, he opened it's hatch, using a towel. Chuuya, who stood basically next to him did his best to peek over his shoulder.
"Don't they look burned?"
"What? No!" Dazai protested and yet Chuuya still thought those cookies were in the oven for too long. They looked edible but their edges already had started to turn into a very dark brown. Dazai didn't seem bothered by that though. He already was about to grab himself a cookie freshly out of the oven.
"Hey, stop! Let them cool down first!" Chuuya slapped Dazai's hand and shushed him away from the oven. He got himself a bowl and transfered the cookies into it using a spoon and then set them aside. "Don't you dare touch them." Chuuya knew warning Dazai was probably useless, yet he still did. He didn't want to deal with Dazai burning himself on a hot cookie.
"Very rude." Dazai tried to push past Chuuya, making it seem as casual as possible by turning away from him first in some kind of surprise attack, but Chuuya, knowing Dazai, stepped in his way.
"Fuck you," he said as he blocked the cookies from Dazai. Who, in return, pouted.
"Thanks for proving a point." Dazai crossed his arms. Chuuya opened his mouth, ready to throw another insult at him, but Dazai interrupted him before he could get even the first syllable out. "You want to watch a movie? We can decide on which one while we wait for the cookies to cool down."
"Some Christmas shit?" Chuuya asked and Dazai confirmed his guess with a nod. He sighed. "Alright, count me in." He was glad Dazai didn't bring up Christmas music yet. The cookie forming process would actually have been the perfect opportunity for it. So maybe he was spared this by some divine grace. Or maybe Dazai just considered his hate for those songs, who knew.
"Back to the living room we go!" Dazai tried to grab the cookie bowl one last time but Chuuya still didn't let him. Instead Chuuya was the one who picked it up and took it into the living room with him, Dazai hot on his heels. He put the bowl down on the couch table and threw Dazai one last warning glance. Dazai sighed but didn't try to argue about it. Instead, he sat down on the couch looking up at Chuuya who in return looked down at Dazai, frowning. Then he slowly moved around the room to flick on the fairy lights while looking back at Dazai once in a while. As he turned of the lamp in the living room and went back to the couch, he expected to see Dazai with a cookie in his hands and/or mouth. Surprisingly, he hadn't taken one.
“So,” Chuuya started, “You wanted to watch something. Any particular movie?” Dazai shook his head to that. “Alright, then let's look at our options.” Chuuya sat down next to Dazai and grabbed the TV remote. His knowledge in Christmas movies was limited. Sure, he knew the basic ones, those were on TV every fucking year and people were always so excited for them, but any movies beside those, he never really payed attention to. So instead of naming any movies himself, he just zapped through every streaming service he currently payed for, showing Dazai which movies they could watch. Though Dazai knew more of those movies than Chuuya for some reason, there was still an impressive amount of christmas movies left neither of them had seen yet. Who would've thought there were so many movies including Christmas? In the end, they settled on a movie about a dude who accidentally killed Santa and took over his job.
The second Chuuya hit play, Dazai leaned forward and snatched a cookie out of the bowl. “What?” he asked as Chuuya looked at him from his side. “I said we can let them cool down while we decide on a movie. We decided on a movie. I can eat this. It's still warm, by the way.” Dazai bit into the cookie, chewed on it a bit and then his face froze for a second. Well, that was scary. Even though he continued to chew, Chuuya was pretty sure there was something wrong with the cookies. Honestly, that wasn't even a surprise for him. They looked low-key burned and the whole baking progress was questionable as well. Dazai finished his cookie and then took another one, offering it to Chuuya. “Try it,” he said with a blank face.
“Thanks, I pass.” After Dazai's reaction, Chuuya was more than sure that he didn't want any of those cookies. He cherished his taste buds too much for that. Dazai didn't seem to care about that though.
“Come on, try them. You took part in baking those and they aren't that bad, see?” Just to proof his point, he bit into the cookie he was just offering to Chuuya and then slid the bowl closer to him, as if to dare him take a cookie. Chuuya sighed.
“You're insufferable,” he said while he took a cookie out of the bowl. Before he could bring himself to eat it, he took a closer look. Because the living room was only illuminated by fairy lights, the cookies seemed less burned than in the bright kitchen light. Still, Chuuya knew what they normally looked like. He bit into the cookie and had a similar reaction as Dazai to it. He chewed, froze, chewed. It tasted like slightly burned cookie at first, not extremely great but still a cookie and then something else came through the more he chewed. It wasn't disgusting, it was just extremely obvious that they fucked up the measurements of probably every single ingredient. “Not as bad as I thought, I guess.”
“They're not perfect but okay. They're edible,” Dazai said as he leaned back into the couch with another cookie.
Edible described them perfectly. Those cookies were nothing someone would look forward to, but if they were there, might as well eat them. The cookies in the movie they were watching probably tasted a lot better. At least the actors made it seem like that. Then gain, those were actors. They had to look as if the cookies were good, no matter if they really did or not. As the movie went on, Chuuya felt himself getting somewhat drowsy. Dazai and him didn't speak much while watching and the dimmed lights didn't really help to keep him focused. He managed to stay awake but nestled more into the couch, leaning his head against Dazai's shoulder in the process. Neither of them seemed to care. The two used each other as pillows or slept in the same bed often enough before Dazai left, so it was nothing unusual for them. They were partners, after all. They inevitable spent a lot of time together. So Chuuya almost falling asleep on Dazai's shoulder was just another of those moments. He barely registered how Dazai took his hand in his as his consciousness had already slid too far into sleep.
“Chuuya.” Dazai gently nuzzled his hair with his free hand, yet his voice had an urgent ring to it. Chuuya could tell that much even without being fully aware of his surroundings. He just felt so tired. Whatever Dazai wanted from him could wait. They would just talk about it tomorrow. But as Dazai continued to speak, Chuuya felt like he had been hit by a train wreck. There probably won't be a tomorrow, at least not one they'd share together. Dazai eventually had a habit of disappearing. "I left the Port Mafia, not you."
"I thought you didn't want to talk about this today." Chuuya opened his eyes now. His tiredness was still there but it had faded into the background. Slowly, he withdrew his hand from Dazai's grasp and crossed his arms while straightening up. After everything that had happen today, this was not the type of conversation he wanted to have now.
"Just wanted to let you know before you fall asleep.” Chuuya knew where this was going. He hated it. Everything about that, Dazai and himself included. Dazai dropped those affirming words on him, Chuuya would fell asleep and the next morning Dazai was gone. This happened whenever Dazai went away for a while when he was still with the Port Mafia. It was a habit of his that Chuuya figured out very quickly back then. Though this time, these affirming words angered him.
"Well, I am also the Port Mafia," he said, starring straight ahead. He didn't want to look at Dazai now because he knew he would feel sorry for him the second they would lock eyes. They were similar, in a way. Both of them completely fucked up, although different kinds of fucked up. He couldn't help but feel deep sorrow for the man, no matter how much pain he caused him. Sometimes, he regret that they have ever met. And then he always remembered just how much impact Dazai had on his life.
"Chuuya, I'm being serious." Dazai forced himself into Chuuya's vision, his face reflected Chuuya's own sadness. He displayed true hurt for once and it pained Chuuya. It pained him that he couldn't do anything to help Dazai. But how was he supposed to? He couldn't even help himself, how should he help someone else? He couldn't. He could neither help himself nor Dazai, just like Dazai couldn't help himself nor Chuuya. If fate was real, it fucked them over long ago.
"Yes, me too." He was being unfair and he knew it. Dazai tried to make amends. He didn't even break into his apartment for probably the first time ever in history but instead waited in front of it. Chuuya was the one who let him in volunteeringly. Sure, Dazai pressured him, but if Chuuya would've told him to piss off while seriously meaning it, Dazai would've done that. Still, he couldn't just ignore his own pain. He felt sorry for Dazai, yes. He felt terrible. But at the same time, his own hurt still stabbed him. Dazai had more or less abandoned him, without even giving him an explanation. He just left, for what should've been forever. And now, he was about to do the same thing again. “Do me a favor and just leave while I'm awake, will you? It's not that hard. Grab your things, say goodbye and get the fuck out.”
“Chuuya-”
“No.” He didn't want to hear anything else from him now. Their conversation was over, Dazai's visit was over. Dazai nod as he slowly stood up and collected his things while Chuuya just stayed where he was. Dazai moved around careful, painfully slow, as if he was scared the whole room might collapse if he moved too fast. Or maybe he was waiting for Chuuya to change his mind. That didn't happen though. Chuuya waited for Dazai to leave while he avoided to look at him once again. He didn't wanted this to happen, either. He just couldn't bear it if Dazai would've left again while he was asleep.
“Alright,” Dazai said as he grabbed all of his stuff except the fairy lights. “I leave the lights hanging. I brought them for your home, not mine so just keep them.” Chuuya looked up at him now, feeling like this was the right thing to do, and found that Dazai kept his face towards the ground. Then, Dazai sighed. “Look, I'm sorry, alright? Seriously. I'm sorry for leaving you without a warning and I'm sorry for almost doing it again. I know you're fed up with me now and I understand that. But next time, I promise I make it up to you.”
“Dazai,” Chuuya said, unsure what else to say. There wasn't anything he could say, really. He couldn't pretend that just now didn't happen and go back to watching a movie. Being around Dazai right now felt overwhelming in the worst way possible. It was too much. So when Dazai left, a silent Goodbye on his lips, Chuuya didn't stop him. As he heard the door closing behind Dazai, he let out a sigh, already knowing that there won't be much of the wine left in his kitchen after tonight.