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"I know that she loved me, there was a lot of things she did that proved it. But I think that... in her eyes, I was simply lacking." Xiao listened intently; his form slightly transparent, a gentle teal light encompassed the edges of his body.
There was nothing around them, or at least, that's the closest to a simple explanation Venti could get. Royal blue surrounded them, or perhaps it was Lapis. The two shades blended together, a glittery kind of shine to them, a failed attempt at recreating stars. Only flowers were beneath their feet. Cecilias and Qingxins; ivory, pearl, with little specs of feather white here and there.
It was serene. There was no one else but them here, there was nothing else but them here. No sounds apart from their voices, no senses apart from those which they allowed themselves to feel at any given moment. They could pick and choose what they wanted to feel, what they wanted to register. They could pick and choose what they wanted in their presence, and what they wanted no semblance of even.
They liked to dream. Both of them. They could meet here, in this place, in this distant land created by their minds mixing together. Their paradise and escape from crushing responsibilities and everlasting pain and agony. A moment of peace and quiet, a break from the real world.
Time flows differently in their dream realm. A bit like real dreams. They could spends hours upon hours talking to each other, or just silently staying in each other's presence, or playing music together and writing poems, sparring, reminiscing; whatever it may be, and then they'd wake up and realise, that only a couple of hours at most have passed.
It was perfect. They didn't have to worry about the outside, about the people who counted on them, about the desperate calls and prayers. They could just bask in the company of their lover, savoring each moment of tranquility and a weird sort of lightness, the lack of pressure and pain in their bodies. It was just them
"In what aspect could you possibly have been lacking?" Xiao's voice was a bit distant, like he was speaking underwater. A bit of an inconvenience, but they've gotten used to it by now and barely even notice it anymore. In fact, it's weird to hear the voice of their beloved without those slight distortions.
Venti laughed bitterly. "Alles," he said and then paused for a second. It was a beautiful place and the ethereal and peaceful aspect of it helped both of them relax and vent out their feelings. And today, or moreso tonight, Venti was feeling under the weather. "At least... everything that mattered to her."
Xiao hummed in response, sitting down in the flowers and picking at their petals. Venti remained standing, looking at a spot a little in front of Xiao, unable to quite look at his boyfriend. "And what could have mattered to her more than power? You were the strongest Archon at one point, stronger than Rex Lapis, stronger than the Raiden Shogun herself. What did she see in you that she found to be not meeting her standards?"
Venti shook his head, a joyless smile on his face; more of a grimace. "Oh, Liebchen, sie-" He stopped for a second. "Ah, entschuldigung... it's not what was missing, at least for the most part, it was what was there." Venti sat down too, right next to Xiao, pressing his cheek against the other's shoulder.
"I don't understand," Xiao confessed quickly. He raised one of his hands and placed it in Venti's hair, untying it from the braids and playing with each strand separately. His nails, even through the gloves, gently scratched at Venti's scalp, providing a soothing sensation.
"Mitgefühl," Venti simply said. "I meddled in human affairs even while Mondstadt was mostly under her rule. Das gefiel ihr nicht..." Xiao stayed silent as he played with Venti's hair, pressing a little closer to him as he listened. "She told me I was too soft hearted, that I was focusing on the wrong things. She told me that I needed respect from people, not their love... I thought those two went hand in hand."
"How could she hate compassion? Didn't she help many others? Isn't that what you told me?" The story wasn't quite adding up in Xiao's head, but he would never even dare question his lover's truthfulness. He had no reason to lie, after all.
Venti laughed, spitefulness behind it. "She gave them just a taste."
"I still don't quite understand?" Xiao was beginning to get frustrated. Not at Venti, but at himself for not being able to comprehend the words easily. It must have been hard for Venti to say anything at all, forcing him into saying more- well, Xiao was feeling quite guilty and upset at himself.
"Das ist okay," Venti said softly, "I know I can be confusing." He took a deep breath and thought for a moment, before continuing. "She was the goddess of time. She was capable of manipulating every moment, every second, every event that transpired. She could pick and choose, and yet, she only did the bare minimum. Do you know why, Liebling?"
Xiao shook his head, not daring to speak.
"It's because she wanted to keep people dependent on her. If she solved all their problems in the snap of a finger... then they wouldn't see her as the powerful deity she is. They wouldn't live through countless catastrophes, barely making it out alive because she saved them, they wouldn't praise her for her kindness because she was the only one who helped, they wouldn't say her name in awe and protect her from any profanities or such because she's their guardian... no, they wouldn't see her as all powerful, they wouldn't respect her as much, and she didn't want that."
Xiao hummed in understanding. "So she gave them just a taste?"
Venti nodded. "She despised my hobbies. She hated that I love musik. She hated that I enjoyed wandering around, picking apples and flowers. She hated seeing how I played with the ink on paper. Oh, she hated everything about me which wasn't molded to her, which wasn't like her. She despised how I was so human-like in nature, rather than Archon-like...
...aber sie liebte mich."
"Are you sure?" It came out of Xiao's mouth before he had time to think about it, and he wasn't sure if he regretted the words or not. Venti pulled away from him slightly, Xiao's hand, which was in his hair, falling limply at his side. Venti raised his eyebrow in a challenge.
"Ich verstehe nicht."
"You say she loved you, but she hated the parts of you which are the most prominent. You say she loved you, but she hated seeing any part of you, she only loved seeing herself. You say she loved you, but she hated your mentality. You say she loved you, but she hated seeing anything human-like in you, she only loved seeing her Archon power flow through you. So that begs the question,
Did she love you? Or just the her she saw in you?"