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It all started at some party. Spencer probably should have remembered who threw it and why, but that info was drowned out by the memory of everyone getting incredibly wasted. At first he was uncomfortable as all hell. Needless to say, the guy with “never leaves his gaming rig in the basement” vibes was neither a drinker nor a partier. He was out of his element in the biggest rager he’d ever seen (although that wasn’t saying much). Then it hit him: no one would remember anything in the morning. Spencer could do anything. The whole cast could have a fucking orgy, and they’d all still be able to look each other in the eyes come Monday because Spencer would be the only one to remember. He could easily get a little action without having to worry about anyone catching feelings.
As for who? It wasn’t exactly hard to pick. Tommy was flirty, even sober. It couldn’t take too much convincing for him to fuck a straight coworker. Not that Spencer was straight, really, but calling himself bi seemed wrong. He wasn’t convinced he liked guys enough, or girls enough, for that matter. Besides, it wasn’t worth bothering people with coming out when he didn’t even like dating. Hookups, on the other hand? He might normally be too awkward to initiate them, but he did enjoy them. This time, because he had the easiest target imaginable, he even had the courage to make the first move.
Spencer couldn’t remember what he even said. The lines didn’t matter. He could say anything he wanted, because as soon as he started talking to Tommy, Tommy would hit on him. Spencer just had to respond in the affirmative.
Except when Tommy said he was adorable, instead of flirting back, Spencer listened to his impulses, grabbed Tommy’s face, and kissed him hard. The second Tommy pulled back, the surprise on his face betrayed that he wasn’t nearly as drunk as he’d pretended to be.
“Woah there, tiger. Somebody’s eager.” At least Tommy was smiling. He couldn’t have hated it that much, then.
Spencer couldn’t even pretend he knew how to respond. He was completely frozen. His face was definitely red, and he was painfully aware that he was already half-hard. He hoped to God Tommy wouldn’t notice. Or maybe he hoped Tommy would. Spencer honestly wasn’t sure which would be better.
Tommy dropped his smile down a couple notches to something slightly serious. “So are we getting out of here, or were you planning on just taking me up to a bedroom?”
Spencer had planned on the latter. That way when Tommy sobered up, he’d have no evidence it even happened. But if Tommy wasn’t wasted and still wanted Spencer, he was going to take it as far as he possibly could. “My place,” he answered. “I’ll drive.” Tommy definitely still had some alcohol in him, even if it wasn’t enough to forget everything in the morning.
Spencer couldn’t remember the last time he woke up with someone else next to him. He usually asked people not to stay. He wasn’t much for the whole sleeping in the same bed thing. It was just that kicking Tommy out would definitely make things even more awkward.
Spencer woke first and attempted to act normally. He grabbed a kickstart from the fridge, went into his living room, and scrolled on his phone. It was roughly something a person would do. Hopefully to Tommy, he wouldn’t look nearly as stressed as he was.
At least, he would have looked chill if he'd noticed Tommy coming into the room. Instead, Tommy suddenly appeared in the doorway and scared Spencer half to death. “Is this it? Or are we gonna do this again?”
“Jesus. I didn’t see you.” Eventually, Spencer caught his breath enough to speak. “Is it that easy?”
“Buddy, you’re a straight boy who woke up next to a man. I’m gonna make this as simple as possible.” Tommy was leaning against the doorframe, hair somehow perfectly messy, looking impossibly hot for a man who’d just gotten out of bed.
“I’m not actually straight,” Spencer offered.
“Really? I'm stunned.”
Spencer just rolled his eyes. “You don't have to be an asshole.”
“Now where’s the fun in that?” Tommy’s eyes glinted the way they always did when he got a chance to tease someone.
Tommy sat next to Spencer on the couch. “Should I leave, or are you taking me to breakfast?”
Tommy was a hair too close, and Spencer wanted to move away, but he knew how that would look. Instead, he answered, “I don’t really like dates.”
“Who said breakfast is a date?” Tommy asked.
“Me.” Spencer wanted to play it cool, but the idea of going out with Tommy made him uncomfortable. Going out with anyone made him uncomfortable. It was very unhelpful when pretending to be a mature adult who wasn’t at all afraid of commitment.
“Okay. No dates. But you still haven’t answered the earlier question.”
That was not the answer Spencer expected. From everything he’d seen of Tommy, the man was a hopeless romantic. He didn’t seem like he’d let himself be strung along by someone with a Peter Pan complex. “You don’t care if we don’t date?”
“It’s adorable that you think I have anything else to do.” When Spencer didn’t answer, Tommy reached over and ruffled a hand through his hair. “You’re cute. I like you. I’ll take whatever I can get.”
Spencer couldn’t say he loved having his hair played with, but Tommy was already tolerating so much of his bullshit. Spencer could put up with Tommy being touchy-feely in return.
“So… friends with benefits?” Spencer had never actually done it before. He’d always wanted to, but inevitably gotten lost in worry that they’d want something more.
Tommy pasted on a shit-eating grin. “Why do we need benefits? We’ve already got the same healthcare.”
“That was terrible. Even for you.” As a silence settled, Spencer came up with an idea. “I don’t usually eat breakfast, but if you don’t want to leave, we could play Mario Kart?”
Tommy sighed. “Fine, but you know I’m going to lose.”
Tommy definitely understood there was something different about Spencer, but he never requested further details. All he did was ask permission before he did anything Spencer might not like. When Spencer said no, that was it. Tommy didn’t ask follow-up questions. It was refreshing compared to how Spencer’s parents incessantly pushed about when he’d settle down, or how Courtney and Kiana were always trying to get him to talk about his non-existent love life. They all meant well. Spencer knew that much. If he explained things to them, they’d all drop it immediately. Sure, Courtney would send him a thousand links and YouTube videos about whatever the hell he had going on, but that was because they cared. It was just that Spencer didn't want to explain himself. His life plan had always been to just exist. He didn't think he needed a reason to leave marriage out of that plan. Tommy certainly didn’t think so.
They ironed out their rules pretty quickly. They didn't make dates, just texted before they came over. Either of their places worked. They'd never stay the night. Kissing was fine; hand-holding wasn't. They were friends or friends with benefits or “the guy I'm sleeping with,” just not boyfriends or partners, and they didn’t tell anyone that they were together. Theoretically they weren't exclusive, but practically neither of them had slept with anyone else since the whole thing started. They were together so much that there wasn't the time even if either of them wanted to. Spencer certainly didn't. Tommy’s attention was enough for his introverted self.
At some point, Tommy suggested that since they spent so much time together, it might be more convenient to share a two bedroom apartment. The horror must have shown on Spencer's face. “It's okay, bub,” Tommy had said. “It was just an idea. I thought we could save some money. But not if you're uncomfortable.” Spencer felt like an asshole letting Tommy continue paying for his own place when they could be splitting rent on one, but Tommy wouldn't hear it. “It’s all about what you want. I get needing your own space. I like my space too.”
Spencer hadn’t thought he’d ever find someone who’d put up with him. On paper, they were just sleeping together, but Tommy didn’t mind if he called him over just to play Pokémon and all their clothes stayed on. He wasn’t annoyed by Spencer playing the same five Weezer songs over and over. Hell, he even didn’t roll his eyes when Spencer deadpanned “Achievement get!” after he got to bend Tommy over the kitchen table. Tommy had even laughed at that one. The only price required of him was listening to rants about Dance Moms and watching Drag Race reruns whenever they were bored, and that wasn’t any price at all. Spencer hated to admit it, but he was becoming obsessed too, if only because Tommy’s enthusiasm was infectious.
It was nearly midnight, and they were very comfortable under Spencer’s sheets. Spencer wouldn’t even deny how sleepy he’d gotten. His eyes were barely open.
Tommy let out possibly the world’s biggest yawn. “Okay, that’s my cue. I’d better go.” Tommy sat up to leave, and suddenly guilt ran through Spencer.
“You don’t have to leave, you know.”
Tommy stopped getting up, but he didn’t crawl back under the covers, either. “Are you saying that because you actually want me to stay?”
Spencer stayed quiet. Tommy already knew the answer to that. They’d only talked about it a million times.
“Spencer. You can have boundaries. It’s allowed.” Tommy’s tone was flat. He sounded almost like a father scolding his child.
“You also have needs.”
Tommy sighed. “For us to do things, we both have to want them. Not just me.”
“That’s how sex works.”
“It’s how everything works.”
Spencer knew he couldn’t argue. If it were Kiana or Courtney talking about doing things they were uncomfortable with for a partner, he’d automatically tell them they didn’t have to. But that was because he didn’t know their partners. He didn’t care about their partners. He cared about Tommy, and he knew Tommy wanted things Spencer would never give him.
“Tommy?” Spencer asked.
“Hmm?”
“Why do you stay with me?” It was the question Spencer could never get away from, no matter how well they seemed to work.
“Because I like you,” Tommy said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “I like you a lot. Whatever relationship you’re comfortable with is the one I want, even if it’s missing some things. It's worth it to have you in my life.” His smile was unabashedly dorky. It was beautiful. He was beautiful. Not just physically (although he certainly was), but as a person. Spencer knew Tommy better than he knew himself, so he knew that Tommy wanted to say “I love you.” But Tommy didn’t say it. He knew it made Spencer uncomfortable. And Tommy cared. Spencer still didn’t know how on earth he found someone who despite all his quirks still cared.
“I love you, you know.” They weren’t words that came easily to Spencer, but they were the truth.
Tommy sighed. “I told you. You don’t have to say that for me.”
Spencer sat up so he could meet Tommy’s eyes. “It’s true. I don’t like saying it because people think I mean something I don’t. But you know me. You understand me, even the shit that no one seems to get. I can tell you that I love you because you know what I mean.”
Tommy smiled, a soft, gentle smile. Not the shining grin of someone deeply in love, thank God, just a little gesture of happiness. Proof that he heard everything Spencer said. “Can I say it back?”
This time, Spencer didn’t feel bad. “Please don't.” Spencer knew that it meant something different when he said it himself. He couldn’t say the same for Tommy.
“Okay.” Tommy finally pushed himself up. “Are you ready for me to leave?”
Tommy was sweet, but Spencer was exhausted. “Yes.”
“Can I kiss you goodbye?” Tommy was kind and understanding, but Spencer could still see a want in his eyes. It wasn’t some massive, uncontrollable desire, just slight excitement at the prospect, but it was still there.
Spencer would let Tommy have that one. He didn’t mind kisses. “You can.”
Tommy grabbed Spencer’s chin and gave him a peck. Spencer couldn't say it did anything for him. He didn't really see the point of kissing if it wasn't making out. But the way Tommy’s eyes lit up? That was worth it. He’d do a thousand gestures he didn't understand if they made his friend feel like that.
Tommy paused for a minute after he pulled back. “I hope this isn’t too romantic for me to say, but I’d choose you every time, in every universe—if we were best friends, if we had a one night stand, if we got married, if we never talked outside of work. I'd take any relationship we could possibly have. You're my best friend and you’ve got a great ass. What more could I want?” Tommy smiled.
“Thank you,” Spencer managed, hoping Tommy would know he meant it for everything and not just the kiss. He was too sleepy to string words together, but Tommy at least deserved thanks.
“Any time, bub. I want you to know you're enough.” Tommy made his way over to the door. “See you Monday,” he said before flicking the light switch and closing Spencer's door.
Spencer had never liked the idea of soulmates. There were hundreds of good people in the world, so how could anyone belong with just one? The entire appeal of alternate universes was that in every one, things turned out differently. But Tommy had transformed the concept into something he finally understood. It wasn't about belonging together; it was about falling together because of random chance and making it work no matter what. Maybe in some other world, he and Tommy were a normal married couple. In another they never saw each other after the first time they fucked, and their lives were a little worse for it. In this one, they were so different, the hopeless romantic and the cold-hearted, and yet they made it work because they were also the same. If they could be something in this universe, even if that something wasn't partners or boyfriends, maybe they really would end up together in every timeline. For once, Spencer didn't hate the thought.