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Ted Lasso sits in the Crown and Anchor pub having dinner, as usual, but he’s alone, which is not common. He smiles, says howdy to the regulars and enjoys his fish and chips while being sure to clean his trade-mark mustache. A strange man enters the pub and everyone turns to stare. He’s tall with long white hair and beard wearing a purple suit and two-toned leather shoes straight out of the ‘50s.
‘Is there a comic-con nearby?’ Ted thinks to himself.
The man comes to Ted and shakes his hand. “Hello, I’m Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster of Hogwarts School… thank you for agreeing to meet me,” then sits down.
“Well shucks, I don’t remember making such a meeting but here we both are,” said Ted with a smile.
“Yes, well, you’re here and unaccompanied so that will do,” observed Albus.” I’ve greatly admired what you’ve done with the Richmond team over the past few years. I get the sense that it's about much more than football for you, and now for them.
“Erm, well, thank you for noticing! But it’s really much more about them than me” replies Ted.
“Yes I can appreciate that,” Dumbledore nods, “being Headmaster at a school may seem boring to some, but when I can guide a student to finding their true self, … it’s like magic.”
“Exactly!” Nods Ted.
“Now, getting them to live that true self…” Dumbledore sighs
“… that’s another thing entirely,” Ted finishes and they both have a drink, lost in memories of mentorship.
“So, nearing the end of your third season, I’m curious if you’d tell an old man your plans?” Asks Dumbledore.
“Oh, well, not going to be a big surprise really, going back home to be closer to my son.” Ted shrugs, “I was running away from somethin’ and left the most important piece of me behind. I’m finished doing that now.”
“What if I said you could bring Henry along on a remarkable journey for the two of you?” Dumbledore pitched. “You see, um how do I explain this… the students in our school are gifted and often have powerful parents.”
“Well that’s a bad combo if I ever heard one..”
“Exactly. We’ve tried various things but a lot of the problem seems to revolve around our, err, basketball league. Instead of sportsmanship and teamwork we often end up with accidents and bullying. I think we need the Richmond Way at our school.”
“Richmond Way… I like that name, puts the emphasis on the team as a whole…” said Ted to himself, thoughtfully.
“If you and Henry could come to Hogwarts for just a couple of years, I bet you could really make a difference. And you could spend time in the Scottish countryside helping young people, which is clearly your calling,” continued Dumbledore.
“So Henry could go to your school? Be part of this?” Asked Ted.
“Well, it’s a school for gifted children, is Henry considered gifted?” Asked Dumbledore, even though he already knew the truth.
“Ahh, not really”
“There’s a very nice private school nearby that hosts a lot of international students. But even so, Henry could certainly be part of your work at Hogwarts,” mused Dumbledore.
“Wow, uh, that sounds like an amazing opportunity. Tell you what Albus, I’ll talk to Henry’s mom about it. Try to sell it as a year abroad learning experience or some such. Oy, mind if I bring my Assistant Coach Beard?”
“Perfect! I can’t wait to receive your ow- letter! Please let Coach Beard know that psychedelics are not allowed on the school grounds or in students,” replied Dumbledore with a wink.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Moray, Scotland, July 31
“Well Henry, we finally made it to Scotland…” comments Ted. Henry, however, was long gone, playing football with some others in the park across from the train station.
Just then Dumbledore approached with a knowing look, “Why don’t the four of us take a walk around the park? There’s something more I need to explain before we get to Hogsmeade.”
“Hogsmeade? I thought you said it was Hogwarts? Did ya throw out the warts and bring in some bees?” Ted and Beard chuckled, Dumbledore smiled.
“Hogsmeade is the village that supports the school. I’ve arranged some accommodation for you there for now, although you can live here in Moray if you prefer. This is where Henry will go to school.”
They started to walk. “I’m curious if any of you believe in magic?” Dumbledore said, looking at them over his spectacles. Ted, Beard and Henry looked at each other with various expressions of ‘who is this guy’ and ‘of course’ on their faces.
“Of course,” said Beard, “I see magic happen all the time.”
“Well so do I!” Exclaimed Albus. “Would you care to share something recent?”
Beard looked at Henry, “well, ah, Jane and I were having a lovely cup of tea and I noticed the walls of our apartment had gotten pink and soft like a marshmallow.”
Dumbledore had steered them into a shrubby area of the park. “Something like this then?” He asked as the shrub beside him turned into a giant pink marshmallow.
Three jaws hit the ground.
“What the…”
“Cool!”
“Smells like strawberries…”
They came over and started touching it, promptly getting gooey stuff all over their hands, which of course turned into a food fight between the three of them, Albus laughing but staying out of the way.
When they finished he explained “I need to tell you a secret and that means no one can know, including your Mom and friends Henry.”
They nodded.
“What if I told you, Hogwarts was a school for witches and wizards, and that magic was a real gift for a precious few of us?”
They all started talking at once and over top of each other.
Albus patted the air in front of him like trying to quiet the Great Hall. “Please, please, let me just get you cleaned up and you can ask me all the questions you want in the car - but one at a time,” he looked at them sternly. In the car Albus fielded all sorts of questions and had to do a few more demonstrations but eventually, they were convinced.
Eventually, Ted pointed out that “it doesn’t matter if they’re magical, they’re still kids in need of a basketball coach.”
“Well, actually,” Dumbledore started, “about that, I’m sorry ol’ chap but I may have misled you a bit. We, well not me, the magical world plays a sport called quidditch. It’s similar to basketball, I’m told, so I’m sure you’ll get along fine.”
“What’s it called? Kwiwitch?” Asked Ted.
“More like kid - witch!” Giggled Henry.
“What!” Exclaimed Ted. “Have you hired the witch from Hansel and Gretal to make sandwiches out of your students?”
Everyone laughed.
“Well who’s been the coach lately?” Asked Ted.
“Err, well Madam Hooch teaches flying….”
“Like on brooms?”
“Yes.”
“Cool” replied Ted.
“… as I was saying Madam Hooch teaches flying and referees the games. Each team has a Captain that’s one of the students. That’s about it, I guess they coach themselves.”
“Let me see if I’ve got this straight partner, you organize a bunch of teenagers into teams, give them competition and presumably weapon-like objects with little adult supervision? No wonder they went all Lord of the Flies on ya.”
“Well, when you put it like that, maybe I should read this Lord of the Flies,” said Dumbledore thoughtfully.
~~~~~~~
The next morning the three of them met Madam Hooch at the front door of Hogwarts. They’d all been terribly impressed when the apparent ruin magically reconfigured into a castle after they passed through some barrier.
First she took them to the Great Hall.
“What’s with the lions, snakes and such,” asked Beard, “team mascots perhaps?”
“They’re for the four houses…”
“What! You’ve got houses INSIDE a castle? That is extra-delux right there,” quipped Ted.
However, Madam Hooch didn’t have much of a sense of humor, so she just went on to explain about the sorting and the houses.
“So let me guess, each House has a quidditch team.” Said Ted.
“Yes,” she replied, “they compete for the Quidditch Cup and the House Cup.”
“I bet you had a long and illustrious career in a professional quidditch league, didn’t ya?”
“Unfortunately no. I’m a good flyer but, well, let’s just say, Hufflepuffs are not known for their competitive edge.”
“What’s a Hufflepuff?” Asked Ted.
“They’re the badgers,” replied Beard.
“Right, right.”
“Shall we carry on?” She asked and led the way to the quidditch pitch.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Standing in the quidditch arena was truly an impressive sight.
“So how high can you fly?” Asked Beard. “How stable is it? What’s the top speed and turning radius?” He went on without drawing a breath.
Hooch looked at him with glee. “I think it’s best I just show you. She grabbed her broom, kicked off and went soaring around the pitch. As her audience warmed up she started doing tricks, flips and feints. Finally, she started slowing down, way up high, then went into a steep dive right towards the group! They scattered in alarm as she pulled out just a foot from the ground.
“Any more questions about flying?” She asked with a shit-eating grin.
“Oh wow!”
“That was amazing!”
Hooch explained quidditch, however when she got to the part about catching the snitch ending the game and giving 150 points…
“Could you come again like an Arby’s sandwich?” Asked Ted.
She explained the rules again.
“OK, so I realize these are not your rules, are they?”
She shook her head.
“Then fill my in-between-the-ears-place with why you have a team sport where only one person matters?” Asked Ted, and Beard nodded.
Hooch sighed, “well, years ago there was a popular book that described the game in some detail. People started playing it in real life, and now, well we’re stuck with it. It’s a great plot device if you're writing a hero story.“
“Ya, well I can see that.” Nodded Ted.
“Do you have books on quidwitch?” Asked Beard.
Hooch ignored his error and simply took them to the library.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In early August, Hooch took Ted, Beard and Henry to a professional quidditch game.
“Woooooeeee! Did you see that guy chasing the little gold ball? He was so fast I could hardly keep my eyes on ‘im. And I didn’t need to either since there were 3 other balls to watch!!” Ted prattled on while Beard and Hooch had an intense conversation about tactics and Henry tried to keep his eyes open, totally overwhelmed by the day.
"I feel like we fell out of a lucky tree, hit every branch on the way down, ended up in a pool full of cash and Sour Patch Kids."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In September Ted organized a meeting of House captains in the quidditch locker rooms.
As they walked into the room Ted and Beard saw Draco Malfoy leaning the chair casually back on 2 legs, impeccably groomed but sneering at Harry Potter. Harry was half turned away from Draco, talking to Cedric Diggory, the Hufflepuff captain. Leaning against the wall apart from everyone and reading a parchment was Roger Davies the Ravenclaw captain.
Ted and Beard exchanged knowing glances. "I do love a locker room. It smells like potential," said Ted.
“Alrighty, welcome. As Dumbledore explained, Coach Beard here and I have been hired to help you improve your quidditch. Be a bit like a coach to the coaches as it were,” he chuckled.
Draco sneered at him now, “I don’t need any help from a bloody muggle and an American no less.” The others nodded but also glowered at each other as if they didn’t like agreeing.
“Well now, all I ask is that you give us a chance. We had real good success with the Richmond Way in football. Either Coach Beard or I will be attending your tryouts and practice sessions over the next couple of weeks to just learn what’s what and then we’ll go from there,” Ted said in a firm but kind way.
~~~~~~~~
“Well Albus, I agree your school’s broken. Over the past little while Coach Beard here and I’ve seen magic that’s wonderful to behold, and behavior, well, not so wondrous,” said Ted.
Dumbledore looked over his glasses, eyes twinkling, and smiled. “What are you proposing?”
Ted glanced at Beard, got a small nod.
“Well sir, sometimes good things fall apart so better things can come together… that’s Marilyn Monroe right there for ya’.”
Dumbledore tilted his head, “sounds like it’s worth a try….” Then nodded.
The next day the great hall was in an uproar at breakfast. Giant BELIEVE banners hung from the ceiling. Some students were crying, others yelling at the teachers, and some, like Ron, just sat stunned.
“I, I, can’t believe it…. On a team with Harper, and Cho… what’s Dumbledore playing at?” Moaned Ron.
“I dunno mate, I’m captain of the greyhounds team with Angelina at least,” replied Harry.
“Well, I suspect they’re trying to reduce inter-House rivalry,” said Hermione thoughtfully. “If you’re on a team with someone you’re going to have to get to know them, aren’t you?”
“SILENCE!!!” Dumbledore roared. “As the Coaches explained, these new teams are an experiment for the rest of the year. We ask that you embrace this as an adventure. Believe you’ll find your one true love in another House… or new best friend…”
“My faaaather…”
“The Board of Governors have been informed,” Dumbledor interrupted Draco, “dismissed.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Harry stepped into the unused classroom and everyone fell silent and stared.
“Um, hi,” he said nodding to Angelina, “right, looks like we’re stuck with each other for a while so let's do a round of names and sort it out on the field. Er, I’m Harry Potter.”
Everyone laughed.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Draco paced in the Slytherin common room, railing against these new teams. “Look you lot, just because most of you aren’t on our team anymore doesn’t mean you can help those others,” he glowered, “I don’t want to see any goals, let alone snitches caught from any of you, or you’ll get it.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
By late October the stats were:
Greyhounds: 2 win, 1 loss
Bees: 0 win, 2 loss
Seagulls: 1 win, 1 loss
Eagles: 1 win, 0 loss
“OK, you lot on the Seagulls better sabotage in our Seagulls:Bees game on Sunday!” Draco commanded the Slytherins in the common room. “Bees, what a stupid name for a quidditch team.” He muttered to himself for the thousandth time.
“Well who put you in charge anyways?” Spoke up someone.
“Ya, I don’t want to let my team down,” commented another.
Other heads nodded. “You might be king of Slytherin House but I’ve got new mates who’ll have my back. Just right that I should have theres’.”
Draco glowered and left.
Sunday came and the Seagulls brooms started bursting into flame randomly. Students screamed, jumping to the ground to escape. The brooms flew off and into the lake.
“Expelliamus!” McGonnagal confiscated all the wands from the Bees players. They hung in the air in front of her. “Priori incantatum,” only one moved in the form of incarcerous.
“Draco Malfoy,” sneered Snape as he walked over to the scene. “You disgrace your House. Someone could have been killed for your pride. You are banned from quidditch and will have detention with me for your remaining years at Hogwarts.
Draco sneered proudly.
“How are they, Poppy?” Severus asked Madam Pomfry. She and two students were frantically doing first aid, but she said “they’ll hurt for a while but scarring should be minimal.”
~~~~~~~~~
“Draco, stop being a lump and come with me to Drama Club,” said Blaise, “after all, quidditch is just an excuse to dress badly.”
“Fine, whatever,” Draco replied, “but I’m not prancing around like a peacock.”
The Drama Club stopped talking and stared when Blaise and Draco walked through the door. Blaise went off to practice lines, leaving Draco to slouch to the side. Luna walked over and tried to give him a hug but he pushed her away.
One by one he tried to bully the different people in the Drama Club from those building scenes, choosing music, and working the lights.
“We’re all the same here Draco.”
“Your father doesn’t care about Drama Club Draco.”
“That made me feel like shit, you know that?”
Were frequent refrains.
One late November evening Draco walked around the lake in the gloom and blowing snow.
“BBQ sauce!!” Ted called out, startled when he came around a tree and almost ran into Draco on the path.
“YOU! You miserable…. Immobilous!” Draco shouted, “because of you I haven’t got any friends left!!”
Ted relaxed into the holding spell and just listened to Draco earnestly.
“And I have to do my own homework and maintain my own broom! My father’s going to be right pissed off at my lack of power and influence around here,” Draco wound down as the spell wore off.
“You talk about your father a lot, did you know that?”
Draco shrugged.
“We don’t have the kind of relationship that makes me think you’ll answer this question to me. But maybe you will to yourself. How’s he treat you? Does he value your opinion? Treat you and your friends with respect? Make you do things for him that are demeaning or degrading just because he can?”
“I’m not weak,” he shot back, “power is for those who are willing to take it.”
“True, that’s one kind of power. But that kind of power leaves you alone, without true friendship or love, as you’ve found out over the past few months. I know I wouldn’t like to be looking over my shoulder at every Thanksgiving dinner, no suree-bob.”
Draco was frozen, listening, like Ted had hit him with immobilous.
“There are other kinds of power in this world Draco, and if you pay attention, you’ll see them. To try is scary you know, because you can end up losing a lot, but it’s also the only way to connect with people,” Ted walked away.
~~~~~~~
It was the evening of Dec 20 and Draco sat off to the side of the others, still lost, while the Drama Club ran through the dress rehearsal of A Christmas Carol. “It’s not bad, actually” he thought to himself. “I like that lighting change Ana made, and Chris’s costumes turned out amazing.”
He knew how hard everyone had worked because he’d been hanging out at the club rehearsals. Not harassing them, mostly doing his homework, but paying attention for that power Ted mentioned.
The big Christmas play night arrived and the great hall was transformed into a West End theatre complete with festive finery in silver and white.
Draco sat by himself.
“Well howdy partner,” said Ted as he sat down beside Draco.
Draco grunted.
“I hear you’ve been helping the Drama Club out, good for you!” Ted said.
Draco ignored him. Suddenly a paper airplane hit him on the head. “9-9-9!” Was all it said. He looked into the wings and saw Blaise gesturing frantically for him. Draco rushed backstage.
“Colin’s sick!!! How can we show the Christmas Carol without Tiny Tim?” They wailed.
“What about Dennis?” Ted asked, having followed Draco.
They turned to him. “Has he been hanging around the Club? Sometimes things just go in by osmosis. After all, I think we all know the story so if it’s not perfect that’s OK. Just need that last line: and god bless us everyone.” He looked off in the distance with his arms raised as if auditioning for the part.
“Sorry Sir, Dennis is also in quarantine and you’re a bit tall for the part,” said Blaise.
“Well how about Draco here? Learn any lines by osmosis?”
Draco had indeed been running through the script in his head for a few seconds now and did know the lines. “No way will a Malfoy…” he cut himself off, seeing the faces of Blaise, Luna and all the rest, “I mean, no way will I let my friends down.” They threw him into a hug and then hustled him into wardrobe.
“God bless me, everyone,” Draco said . The crowd pauses, shrugs, and gives a round of thunderous applause…
“Well, shucks, that’s just like Cady in Mean Girls breaking up the crown just to keep the largest piece for herself,” said Ted.