Chapter Text
y/n's pov:
I was sitting with my family at a restaurant when it happened. I was scrolling through twitter and saw a thread on how to lose weight quickly. The tag said edtwt. I didn't know what that was so I looked it up. What I found was a community of people praising someone named Ana for helping them lose so much weight so quickly.
I was never the skinny kid by any means. I never liked how my body looked, I couldn't stand mirrors. It couldn't hurt to lose weight. I weight 180 lbs at 5'8'. I figured I would research when I get back to the compound. For now I'm going to enjoy family dinner.
~💕~
Dinner was good and the second I knew everyone was asleep I went back onto twitter and searched up edtwt. I found results and went through them. One said something about ana being short for anorexia and so I searched it up. Apparently anorexia is an eating disorder characterized by relentless drive for thinness with a fear of gaining body weight associated with self induced behaviors towards thinness. I mean it doesn't sound so bad. I could become anorexic and then stop once I'm comfortable with my weight. Right? I look at some of the thinspo on the site and some of them look super skinny but I'm not gonna go that far. I decide to look at threads of how to become anorexic. Mostly just restriction and exercise. Plus the occasional fasting of some people.
I decide to make an account. I'm not gonna use my real name just incase. I make the username @ wannabe. I don't know why it's the first thing that came to mind and log on.
I saw people who asked for moots on a tweet. Which I learned was short for mutuals and decided to make one.
You can call me n/n
not gonna say cw bc im very new to edtwt
looking for moots plzzz
Also plz someone help me im very new to ed's in general
I decide that's good and post it. I edit my page a bit to make it more decorative and I scroll a bit more. A minute or two later I see something about BMI's. It will tell you if you are overweight and by how much I decide to look one up and put in my measurements. 27.4 the screen lit up. Not far away from obese. How the fuck could I let myself get like this.
I am disappointed in myself and quickly download two apps to my phone. MyFitnessPal and Life the first one counts calories and the other one is a fasting app just incase. I log off for the night and go to bed.
~💕~
The next morning I decide to just eat like usual and see how much I eat so that I know what a good starting calorie intake would be. I go downstairs and get some cereal like usual quickly look at the serving size of 1 cup even though I usually have double that so double the cals meaning 320 just for breakfast. I eat my cereal and head out to Happy's car where Peter is late per usual.
"Where is Peter we have to leave now." He asks me. I shrug my shoulder just as Peter comes out the door and runs toward the car.
"Sorry I'm late guys. Forgot my homework in my room and had to go back." He explains.
"At least you remembered it before we started driving this time." I say in a joking manner.
"Oh haha so funny." Peter replies sarcastically.
The way to school is so boring and mostly we just listen to music.
The school day goes on like normal until lunch. I usually get school lunch and today was pizza. I look at the cafeteria page on the school website and see they have the calories listed. The pizza alone was 340. The drink I got was 190. Then Ned gave me cookies he made, which there was three and that is estimated 210. Plus adding ten just incase. 220. I eat it all anyhow then go back to classes.
The rest of classes go by blah blah blah. Then once Peter and I get home we usually go get a snack together in the kitchens. We go down and find some chips we both take a bag and sit down. I took original which the bag said 150. After that Natasha walked in and the three of us were talking until I went to go do some homework.
Just as I had finished the last question FRIDAY called me down for dinner. Usually we had someone on dinner for the week and everyone who was at the compound would eat together and today Sam, Bucky, and Steve were out so Tony had cooked but most other people were there. The guardians were in space, Carol was out somewhere doing something, Strange was out at the sanctum. But other avengers were here and it was loud. Tommy and Billy were running around, Wanda trying to make them stop. Natasha and Clint were in the corner looking like they were judging everyone. Bruce and Tony working on something while Pepper made them quit it and eat. Everything was as chaotic as normal. Peter walked in on the celling all Pepper did was give him a look and he got down.
After a second or two though everyone was sitting down and eating. There was breaded chicken and a couple sides. I took a piece and some veggies like usual and sat down. I quickly pulled out my phone.
"Y/n no phones at the table." I heard my mom say.
"But-" I tried to say before she used her magic to put my phone on the fridge. Luckily I had turned it off expecting something like this. I sigh and tried to mentally calculate the dinner. Breaded chicken prolly around 500 with all the oil and stuff, next was corn most likely low cal and around 90. Sure lets go with that. Meaning dinner is 590 cals. Lets round up to be sure with 600. I eat it all while talking with everyone. I always loved having dinner with everyone. There was always so many people and stuff that even if I had a shitty day I knew I could just chill and take my mind off it.
After that everyone decides on a movie night. Tony had bought one of those stupid wheels and written everyone's names on it since we could never decide a movie. It landed on Peter and I automatically knew we were gonna be watching star wars. I sat in the back so I could go on twitter because plot twist shit is addictive. My mom brought me popcorn with butter on it and so I looked it up and I think it is around 200 calories. I log it into the app and watch the movie.
After the movie I head to my room to see the calories and see I ate 2,010 calories. What the fuck is wrong with me. I don't like working out so I don't and yet I really thought I could eat that much. I quickly take a shower and go to sleep.
~💕~
I wake up and decide a good calories limit would be 1,000 still high but I don't have to hit my limit. I skip breakfast and since it's the morning and no one is that awake nobody notices. I head out to school with Peter who was talking with Ned on the phone the entire way as if they weren't five minutes away from seeing each other anyhow.
I go to school and get through all my classes easily. I always have been smart and gotten through school with all A's so it usually was like this. I go to lunch and eat the sandwich I brought an made sure at home it was 300 calories. I also brought a water bottle instead of juice. I quickly log it in while no one was looking. Luckily Ned didn't bring me food so I didn't eat snack.
The rest of my classes went by and I was really hungry but I didn't bring snacks with me so even if I wanted one I couldn't have one. When Peter and I got home we went to the kitchen and he got crisps and I grabbed an applesauce which is only 90 calories so I ate it slowly. I was still really hungry so I went on twitter and someone said something about gum. I decided to get exercise and walk 15 minutes to the store. Also fifteen minutes back so 1/2 hour walk. And I got two ice breaker packs of gum which come with a lot so I'll be good for a while.
I put a piece in my mouth and arrive home going straight to my room for homework. Then when I'm done like clockwork dinner is ready. I head downstairs with my family and we all sit down. I usually sit near Peter and Sam while my parents sit near Natasha. My brothers sit near Morgan and so we are all spread out.
Tonight was Pasta with sauce and so I get myself a small bowl.
"Y/n that looks small you feeling alright." Natasha says getting the attention of my parents.
"I'm fine, anything looks small next to Peter's portions" I joke and everyone who was listening laughs a bit.
"I have an enhanced metabolism if you don't shut up I'll eat yours too." He said. Oh how I wish he could but I was hungry. Then again I always am.
Of course you are you're a fatass
Oh? Ok fun thought
Not incorrect though
Also accurate I guess. My pasta looks like about 325 calories but then I have another bowl. It was good and also I was hungry. So that's about 650 calories for dinner.
Your disgusting
Where are these thoughts coming from. Like I already know that dumbass. I look over just to make sure no one suspects anything. Especially my parents. They have enough to deal with as is.
My mom doesn't usually go in my mind because she doesn't like to invade people's space but just incase I've been working on a ring that makes it impossible to read my mind. I really hope it works otherwise I'm fucked.
After dinner most people just sit in the living room and chat. After about half an hour Carol comes in with about 10 gallons worth of ice cream. Granted there is a lot of people and we most likely will go through all of it tonight but still 10 gallons is excessive. Everyone goes to grab a bowl and my dad brings me and the boys ours. Billy of course automatically dug into his before Tommy gave him a weird look and slowly eat his.
I got cookies and cream ice cream about two and a half cups worth. (The reason we need so much ice cream is there is a lot of people and we eat a lot) I look over on the counter and luckily the nutrition facts is facing me. I see 370 in bold text so I "accidently" drop my spoon onto the carpet and go to get another. I sneak a look at the carton. 1 cup is the serving size. x2.5 and that equals...925. I didn't want to eat the ice cream before and I definitely don't want to now. Well okay I want the ice cream yes but I can't have it. I ask the boys if they want mine with the excuse my stomach is starting to hurt. My mom automatically puts her hand on my forehead.
"Vision is it just me or does she feel fine." My mom asks.
"I wouldn't be able to tell." He replies.
"Right, Tash?" She asks and Natasha responds with a hand to my forehead.
"She's fine." Natasha replies.
"Ok well why don't you go upstairs and try to get some rest honey." My mom says before kissing my head and letting me go to my room.
I don't go to bed. I instead work on the ring. Yes it is possible to block my mom out of my head and it's not likely that she is gonna be in there anyhow but I don't want to take any chances. I have been working on this ring for a year now. I wanted it then but I need it now. No one even knows I have this project. Once I look at the clock and see it's midnight I put my stuff back and get ready for bed.
I decide to weigh myself as a before and after. I go in the bathroom and look under my sink. There is a scale there already for some reason and so I step on.
172.0
The numbers glare back at me. I deicide I will start working out tomorrow. I go to my bed and look at my daily calories as my stomach rumbles.
I add everything up anyways and see it's 1,040. I was over my limit. God can I not even better myself correctly.
You mess everything up. Everyone at dinner saw you. They probably thought you were fat too.
I hadn't even thought about that before.
Everyone has to see your body. They suffer by simply being near you.
Ok never showing my face again.
I decide to just go to bed and I would try again tomorrow.
~💕~
It's been a week. I have only been under my limit once. I decide to cut out my after lunch snack and dessert as they are unhealthy anyway. Peter questions the after lunch snack but nobody notices the dessert thing.
No, they notice it's more not giving a fuck. In fact they are probably happy you are trying to be healthier.
Oh! That's another thing. Stupid thoughts won't go away but it's fine. They just help me be better. Based off twitter friends I've made water will fill you up quickly so I've been drinking tons. Also, gum helps but I still have a ton of that. I have started wearing baggy clothing too so no one sees me. I can wear cute clothes when I reach my goal weight.
Anyhow it's currently 1 a.m. and I'm doing a workout. I've been working out for an hour so I decide to head to bed. I calculate my calories from the day 1,345.
I hate myself.
Lower your limit. Then you'll lose quicker.
Ok listen here. You got a point but I can't even hit this limit I would fail worse then I already am.
Exactly you'll feel worse and be more likely to hit it.
Solid point.
I lower my limit in the app and it gives me a warning but I dismiss it. I don't give a fuck if it's unhealthy. I weigh myself in the bathroom quickly.
170.5
Only 1.5 pounds. I need to lose more. Maybe it is a good thing I lowered my limit.
~💕~
The next week I feel worse and worse. At my limit of 900 I can hardly reach it and it makes me feel terrible. Today I studied in the library during lunch so I didn't eat but I did however have a snack when I got home so 150 calories. Dinner was burgers so around 400 for all of it. I escaped dessert with homework I hadn't done yet and went upstairs. I didn't eat at all the rest of the day so 550 calories was my total at the end of the day.
I felt so proud of myself.
See it isn't that hard fatty. Do that more often and maybe you will actually lose some of that weight.
I will
Good now workout. Any calories are still calories.
~💕~
It's been a month. I am officially at 160.0 as of last night. I am still wearing baggy clothing but I can feel the difference. Nobody has noticed. In fact just last night we were watching a movie and it was after I weighed my self and my mom said I looked happier and she's is happy for me. So clearly this is the right thing to do.
The fasting app has been on my phone for a month but I haven't done one yet. I quickly went to twitter and got some tips and decided to only do a 15 hour fast starting right then. I would be sleeping for most of it so it'll be easy. I can do this. I quickly started the timer at 10 p.m. the fast would be over at 1 p.m. the next day and with that I do my hour and a half long workout shower and go to bed.
~💕~
The next day I woke up and was really tired. I really didn't want to go to school but I knew it would be easier to complete my first fast. I got up and but on really baggy clothes per usual, I wasn't allowing myself to show anyone my body until I was pretty.
I went to school and somehow go through classes awake. I don't eat lunch, I take a lunch with me when I leave the house to not raise suspicion but I give it to a homeless person on my way to school since happy drops us off two blocks away. I went to the library during lunch and I was gonna work on homework. That is until MJ sits across from me and just stares.
"Ok this is getting weird I know I'm hot but fuck off." I tell her. I always joke around saying I'm hot near my friends but recently I've been at least trying to make it true.
"Y/n." She says. I was starting to get uncomfortable. Usually if MJ has a problem she'll say it but instead she is staring into my soul.
"Yes?" I ask
"Just because everyone else is oblivious doesn't mean I am." She says. I start to panic. She can't know. I've been eating a normal amount of food infront of them. "You have to eat." She states simply.
"I don't have to do anything." I tell her.
"Ok let me put it this way. Eat or I'm gonna tell someone. Probably Peter who would tell your parents." She says.
"Fine." I say already planning how to still lose weight. Or how to get out of it. And calculating how many calories I would have to eat to still get under my limit. I know my limit is not that many calories but now I feel like a failure if I hit it. It could be 890 calories and I would add another 1/2 hour to my workout.
That's not a problem. It's normal. I'm fine. I'm not sick enough to need help. Or food.
"Good here." She says handing me juice and an apple. Apple is 100 calories and MJ took the label off the juice.
"Snapple?" I ask.
"Your favorite" She replies. Little did she know I have memorized it as 110. That's 210 calories overall. Meaning if I eat 400 calories at dinner I could still be under my limit. I slowly eat my apple taking sips between each bite. Once I'm finished MJ seems satisfied. "Wanna meet the boys in the lunchroom?" she asks. I tell her I'm good and I'm gonna do homework. She just shrugs and tells me this is happening again tomorrow.
I feel a pit in my stomach. I probably gained from that. What the hell is wrong with me. And as if that wasn't already horrible I also failed my fast. I had an hour to go what the hell Michelle.
MJ just wants to make you fat.
I know thanks for that. Anyhow I did my work and still had five minute until the bell rang and I had gym with Peter.
I went on twitter and made a new tweet.
My irl is on to me and making me eat, how do I make her think I'm ok??
I decide that's good and head to the changing rooms.
~💕~
The next day I check my twitter. Someone said eat the food then purge it. I have always been afraid of purging. I know it's damaging to your body but there is only another month of school then it's summer. Desperate times call for desperate measures am I right.
At lunch I sit in the cafeteria my new plan ready to do whatever it takes. Plus if I needed to I could also throw-up after dinner if I eat too much. Not gonna go over my limit still even if I am purging. I have completely cut breakfast out of my diet so I usually don't eat from after dinner till lunch. Also, this weekend I have decided to say I'm going to eat at a friend Ava's on Friday and tell her I already eat then not eat till Saturday dinner. So for my first fast it's going to be 12:30p.m. fri.- 5:30p.m. sat. so that is a 29 hour fast. Obviously only water during the fast though. And so I've been mentally preparing. Ava and I plan to be walking around near shops and stuff anyhow so I'll be getting exercise.
Back to lunch though. MJ knew I wasn't gonna bring food with me if I didn't wanna eat so instead she brought me a school lunch. It had a sandwich, apple, and snapple. The sandwich is most likely around 400, apple is 100, snapple is 110. Quick math to see it's 610 all together. And most of the calories are from bread. I can't eat this. I look at MJ as she puts the food in front of me.
"I can't" I whisper so the Peter and Ned don't hear me. Although they are talking about this Lego star wars thing they are building together so I doubt they would hear me anyhow.
"You can." She says.
"Actually I can't it's too much." I argue.
"Hey y/n. Can I have your sandwich. I'm hungry" Ned asks and I push my tray toward him. I smile at MJ who looks like she wants to slap both of us.
"Thanks y/n." Ned says. No Ned, thank you.
MJ just rolls her eyes and hands me throws her goldfish at my face. The bag says 140 plus the apple and the juice is 350. I eat the food and drink the juice then I excuse myself to the bathroom. I quickly look up how to make yourself throw-up (then proceed to delete my search history) and find an empty bathroom. I stick my fingers down my throat but only spit comes out. I do it a couple more times and finally my lunch comes out.
I quickly rinse my mouth with just some water I had. I'll bring something tomorrow to help with the breath thing. I wash my hands for now though and chew some gum. 5 calories for a single piece.
Most people were on a mission tonight I decided to just have a mac and cheese cup for dinner and some water. 220 calories for that. Then I log those calories in the app and go upstairs. I have completed the ring and tomorrow hopefully I'll see if it works.
575 calories total for the day.
Lower you limit and change your workouts to two hours.
I have been doing well though
But you could be doing better. You could look better. Thinner
I lower my limit to 650 and start to do my workout.
Later on I take a shower and weigh myself. 161.5 I gained a pound and a half in one day. What the fuck
Failure. You can't do anything right
I don't know how this happened. Stupid MJ.
~💕~
School is finally over. I weigh 147.5. That's a BMI of 22.4. I'm extremally high in the normal weight range. Luckily everyone has had lots of missions and I purge at school so skipping meals and not intaking many calories has helped. I make sure never to go over my limit or I would have to burn it off. I have been doing fasts also. Gum and diet coke are what I live off of at this point. Stark has seen my liking (addiction) to diet coke so he keeps it well stocked in the fridge.
Since it's summer I decide to fast for three days. Edtwt is currently going crazy and doing so many body checks which isn't helping me. I know the scale says I lost but I definitely look like I've gained.
My clothes have been more baggy then usual as well. I need new ones but don't want my mom to know how much I've lost.
"Y/n your parents need you in their room" FRIDAY alerts me.
"OK tell them I'm coming" I respond.
I go downstairs and see my brothers already down there.
"Y/n sit" My dad says. Are we in trouble? I don't remember doing anything bad.
"OK so most of the avengers have a mission that goes on for five weeks. You can't come with us because it's wayyyy to dangerous and we don't want you guys getting hurt. But we also can't have communications so we wanted to know what you guys thought. I'm sure me and vis could skip out if you guys wanted us to stay." My mom explains.
I could miss out on meals for five weeks. What the hell, why is that my first thought. What is wrong with me.
"Y/n? Are you alright?" My dad asks me snapping out of my thoughts.
"Oh I'm fine. Anyhow I'm sure the boys and I will be fine while you guys are on a mission. You wouldn't of had this mission if they didn't need you." I reply to their earlier statements.
"Yeah plus Billy and I are 11 now so we don't even need y/n," Tommy says.
"OK then" Wanda says. "Your dad and I leave tomorrow." She says smiling at the boys as they run out of her room to go do something else.
"Keep an eye on them while we are gone please." My father says. My mom is giving me a weird look beside him.
"I will." I promise.
"Hey vis can you leave y/n and I alone for a bit." Mom says.
"Of course love I will be outside." He says and drifts through the wall.
"Why can I not read your mind?" She asks.
"Why are you trying to read my mind." I asked.
"Well you father and I told you about the mission and you turned silent and didn't zone back in even after I said your name twice." She explains. "If you aren't ok with this mission then your father and I don't have to go." She says.
"No no it's fine" I say quickly.
"Ok??" She says slightly alarmed at my outburst. She hugs my by my side and we both freeze and I pull away. She looks at me. "Have you lost weight recently?" She asks.
"I don't know. I've been more active recently so I might have but I'm not trying to." I quickly lie never being more thankful for my ring.
"Are you sure? You're eating well aren't you?" She says
"Yeah you see me eat dinner and ask Peter I'm eating lunch." I knew she wouldn't actually ask Peter and Peter hadn't noticed anyways.
"Ok I love you so much." She says letting me go.
"Love you too." I respond and get out of there as fast as I can without raising suspicion.
~💕~
My parents leave us the next day. The only person who is in the compound all day with us is Sam but he said he will let us try on our own and be independent but to tell FRIDAY to get him if we need anything. We obviously agreed to this and went to our section.
Billy and Tommy got chips and went to go play video games in the living room.
"I'm going to be in my room, don't die and go to bed at a normal time or I'm telling." I told them.
You are so fat. For the next three weeks only eat if you are about to pass out and workout in the workout room with the machines since no one else will be there.
Got it.
~💕~
For the next three weeks I never actually ate a full meal. I ate small bits here and there for survival but that was it. I always made sure Billy and Tommy ate the normal amount for their age and some snacks because who doesn't love ice cream and cookies. Occasionally Sam would come check on us once a day to make sure we were alive. I was working out for an hour a day. After an hour I felt I was about to faint and I knew I couldn't
About two weeks in weighed myself with the scale in my bathroom and saw I was 135.0.
OMFGGGG FINALLY. I did a little happy dance and accidently knocked something over.
"You ok y/n?" I heard Billy ask from outside the bathroom door.
" I'm fine" I respond quickly and hear him walk away
I'm finally in a normal weight range.
You still could lose weight. You still look fat. You're still worthless.
I think about the thinspo threads I had seen on twitter. Those people were so pretty. It couldn't hurt to try and be underweight. I've been doing so good this far.
Lower to 500 calories a day
What. Why. Once my parents come back I can't do that.
Find a way. You've purged before.
Ok. Right I've got this.
~💕~
The day my parents come back I weigh 125.0. I have been fasting for three days now so I eat a small kiddie oranges. I think they are called clementines. My parents walk into the kitchen at the point. I was wearing a short sleeve shirt and a puffy sweater even though it was summer because I didn't want mom to get worried again. I was sweating but I pretended I wasn't.
"Hey y/n. How are you? Where are the boys?" My mom asks as my dad puts their bags away.
"I'm fine the boys are in their room playing video games." I reply.
"Ok, I'm gonna tell them we are home and then Pietro will hopefully be done with dinner." She says and leaves the kitchen. Dinner. Fuck. Forgot about that.
"Hello y/n" My dad says as he enters through a wall.
"Hey dad" I reply
"Are you alright you seem off. You also seemed this way before we left and Sam said he was worried about you also." He tells me.
"I'm fine dad just a little tired. Guess summer really messed up my sleep schedule." I lie. I have been getting scarily good at that recently.
"Are you sure?" He asks
"I'm sure dad" I say. I feel guilty for lying but I'm doing the right thing.
"Ok well if you wanna talk about anything your mom and I will always listen." He says.
"I know. I love you." I say.
"Love you too." He says before going to talk to the boys.
Now I can think about what I'm going to do about dinner.
~💕~
It was dinner. I had no plan.
I put a small 300 calorie amount on my plate and hoped no one would notice if I ate it slowly. I also had my diet coke.
"So I was thinking. Who wants to go to the beach tomorrow?" Natasha asks which earns cheers from around the table. "Ok that's that I guess." She laughs.
The beach.
Everyone is going to see how fat you are.
I can't go to the beach yet. I'm not perfect yet.
"I don't like the beach." I say which makes multiple heads turn my way.
"You don't what." Stark asks offended.
"I just don't like the beach. It always so hot and sand get everywhere." I explain. To be honest I quite liked the beach but I couldn't go looking like this.
"Well I guess you could skip out this time but next time we go somewhere you have to come ok?" My mom says.
"Ok I will." I say. Perfect tomorrow I will fast.
When I get to my room my stomach hurts. I'm not used to eating so much. I go to the bathroom and throw it up. When I'm done I hear my mom coming in my room.
"Y/n FRIDAY told me you were throwing up. Why didn't you tell me you were sick. Vision and I could have stayed home with you tomorrow." She says and I panic.
"Mom please I'm almost seventeen you and dad don't have to stay home because I'm sick. I'll be fine. I don't even have a fever." I respond and she puts her hand on my head to make sure.
"Are you sure you're gonna be fine. You look pale. Maybe we should get you to the doctors." She says and I take her hand.
"Ma I'm fine I swear." I say.
"Ok" She says
"But just incase you should probably distance incase it's contagious." I lie. Otherwise when she wraps her arms around me she'll feel all my fat.
"Ok I love you hon" She says blowing me a kiss and leaving.
"Godammit FRIDAY" I mutter under ny breath.
"Is there something wrong Miss. Maximoff?" The A.I. asks.
"Don't tell anyone if I throw up unless I have a fever, ok?" I say.
"Got it." FRIDAY replies.
~💕~
A week later and I'm 119.0. Finally out of the 120's. Not that I was in them for long. My BMI is 18.1 meaning I'm underweight. I can only somewhat tell I lost weight but I still feel fat. And I hate mirrors.
My mom comes in my room one day and tells me some "great news". Natasha and my parents decided we could go to the beach. And obviously Peter.
"Oh um... I really don't like the beach." I said.
"Oh it'll be fun. Family time and also It won't be that hot out I promise." She says.
"Ok" I agree.
Fatty. Now everyone is gonna see it. no one is going to love you.
This is great just great. I go over to the mirror. Oh god. My mom and Natasha are so pretty. How the hell am I gonna look next to them.
~💕~
Once we get to the beach we set our stuff down. Tommy and Billy run into the water with Peter and I sat down with a book.
"Y/n Take that sweater and your pants off. You're gonna get heat stroke and we are at the beach so you need sunscreen."
"I don't need sunscreen." I reply not making any move to take off my layers. My bathing suit is new since my old one didn't fit. I look horrible in it though. I look horrible in everything.
"Um your gonna get skin cancer then." She jokes. Natasha laughs. I sigh.
"Ok seriously though take that off then put your sunscreen on." She says as she uses her powers to take my book.
As I take off my hoodie I hear a gasp come from the adults.
"Y/n..." My mom trails off.
"What you told me to take it off so I did." I snap at her.
"When did you lose so much weight. And why?" Natasha questions.
"Y/n you couldn't have lost that much that quickly" My mom reasons.
"I haven't even lost that much I'm only 119 pounds calm down." I say before I can stop myself.
"Why do you know the exact number?" My dad questions.
"Umm.. I'm guessing" I lie terribly. Godammit why can I not lie this time.
"Y/n that's not healthy. You're underweight. I can see your ribs." My mom says. I can't help but laugh.
"Yeah right, you know that's really funny Wanda let's all make fun of how big I look. As if I didn't feel like shit already." I yell and feel bad. I haven't called her Wanda in years. I only called her Wanda before she adopted us three years ago. I can't deal with this so I storm off to the shops near the beach after grabbing my sweater.
Wanda's pov:
Big. Y/n couldn't actually think that could they. How did I not notice sooner. My poor baby.
"Hey it's ok" Vision says next to me rubbing my back. I hadn't even realized I was crying.
"I think Y/n has an eating disorder. Actually it's obvious she does. Should I call Dr. Cho" Natasha asks beside me. Of course she wanted to take action.
"Uh no it's fine let the boys have fun we take her when we get home." I respond weakly. If I could've read her mind this never would have happened. How could I let it get like this. Now that I think about it there were so many signs but I was too stupid to see them.
"Hey no one knew. They are good at hiding it." Natasha says like she knew what I was thinking.
"Hey mommy why are you crying is everything ok?" Tommy asks as the three boys come closer.
"I'm fine boys don't worry." I say wiping my tears and smiling at them. I can tell they don't believe me when they both cuddle up against me.
"Hey where is y/n?" Peter asks looking around.
"She went to the shops. Can you go find her actually." I ask him.
"Yeah I'll go look." He says putting his shoes on and running off.
Y/n's pov:
I find an empty section on the beach and sit down. I automatically start crying. Why was I being such a bitch. Why did I have to look like this. Why can't I love myself. Why?
I hear a rustling behind me
"Y/n?" I hear Peter call out. I quickly wipe my tears as he comes up to me.
"What happened back there. Your mom was crying." He says which makes me feel ten times worse. I start to cry again.
"Hey I'm sorry." He says pulling me into him. He looks at me weird before releasing me.
"I'm sorry Pete it's not your fault." I reply. "I um lost some weight and she is freaking out but then I was a bitch" I sum up the conversation.
"You couldn't have lost that much." Peter says and I automatically want to hug him. He's so sweet. Instead I just take off my sweater. Peter then decides to hug me.
"You are too small. My arms overlap too much." He complains and it sounds like there are tears in his eyes.
All you ever do is cause people pain
"I'm sorry" I keep repeating till I can't breathe.
"Hey It's ok. It's not your fault." Peter reassures me.
"My mom is gonna hate me." I tell him.
"Well that would be impossible." Peter says and I tell him what I said. "I'm sure she understands you were just mad she found out." He says.
"What." I ask confused.
"Oh please y/n it's obvious you knew it was dangerous and did it anyhow. I love you and you know I do but I'm not dumb." He says. I look down. Peter stands up. "You gotta face her at somepoint." He states. I know he is right so I take his hand and he helps me up.
"Way too light" He says under his breath but I can still hear him.
Once we got back my parents were talking and Natasha was with the boys in the water.
"Y/n come sit down." My parents say and Peter the little traitor makes his way toward the water.
"Y/n this isn't healthy. You can't continue the way you're doing this. And you definitely don't need to lose more weight." My mom says.
"I'm sorry" I mumble and she pulls me closer.
"It's not your fault honey I'm sorry we didn't notice sooner." She replies which makes me cry more.
~💕~
Once we got back to the compound my mom made me go to medical which I fought against until my dad just picked me up and carried me. Once I got checked out I was asked a couple questions. Have I ever sh'ed. Nope. Ever threw up on purpose. Yes. And other stuff like that. Cho said she would be back and someone else walked in. I think her name was Susan. She was the therapist for most of the team and a couple shield agents.
"Hi y/n." She says and stands at the foot of my bed.
"Fuck off." I respond. I don't need a therapist.
"Y/n" My mom said. I forgot I wasn't exactly allowed to swear.
"Fine, Go away" I say fixing my sentence.
"Y/n just talk to her please. Just for like two minutes." My dad asks.
"Fine" I respond.
I talk with her for about two minutes and luckily she doesn't mention food. Which also makes me suspicious. Then Cho come back.
"Ok y/n based off your check-in I think you have ednos. Which means eating disorder not otherwise specified. Basically you don't fit into just one eating disorder." She explains.
"Ok how do we help her?" My mom asks.
"Well I am gonna set y/n up with a meal plan. Three meals a day and someone has to be with her for 40 minutes after she eats to ensure she doesn't just throw it up. Also no working out until she is back in a healthy weight range. And also check-ups each month do ensure a smooth recovery. I also advise you get her in with Susan occasionally." Cho says with a sad smile.
"I'm not seeing a therapist." I respond. I don't want to do any of this but I feel like I don't have an option.
"Are you sure? Susan is really nice and it could really help." Cho said.
"I'm not seeing a therapist." I repeat.
"OK well the rest I have sent you and vision and y/n is allowed back to their room now. She says to my mom.
~💕~
It's been two weeks. I hate this. Everyone who knows is trying to be supportive but it gets on my nerves. I hate feeling full. I hate the guilt that comes with every meal. At least the voice telling me I'm fat is a small bit quieter.
~💕~
It's been a month. I rarely listen to the voice. And today I didn't feel guilty about lunch. Improvement I guess.
~💕~
Another month later and I am a healthy weight. The voice shut up. I look forward to meals. And sometimes I see Susan. The last part was not my idea though. She's ok I guess.