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Adam was staring out the passenger window of the BMW, a small unconscious smile on his lips, chin propped up in his hand while his other tapped out a silent beat on a jean-clad thigh. He looked content. Ronan was driving but in his own opinion he was actually combusting.
Looking at Adam in cars made Ronan feel like he was being set on fire for the briefest of moments, adrenaline kicking up his pulse while he fought the urge to start kicking and screaming. It was easier to drive Adam places than to have Adam drive Ronan anywhere; there was absolutely no way to fight the furious blush as he watched Adam's slender, careful hands on the wheel. He often daydreamed about teaching Adam to drive the BMW, showing him how to wrap his hands around the gearshift and tug, coaxing exhilarating speed and precision from the car. Ronan would blame his boner on the speed and adrenaline while Adam raised a knowing brow and soon they'd be pressed against each other in the small space, one of Ronan's legs thrown over the gearshift to allow their bodies better access, mouths meeting fast and hard, unapologetic.
"Eyes on the road," Adam sighed lazily, turning to Ronan with a smirk. "How do you even have a license?"
"I'm the best driver you know, Parrish." Adam hummed in reluctant agreement and stretched his arms above his head, knuckles grazing the top of the BMW's interior. They were quiet for a few minutes, the only sound heard being the faint, tinny electronica from the speakers; Ronan had turned the volume up all the way at first, to drown out distracting thoughts, and Adam, hands over his ears, yelled something about preferring to not be totally deaf, which made Ronan feel guilty enough to turn it down most of the way.
"To be fair," Adam started after a while, startling Ronan. His foot slipped for half a second on the gas, barely noticeable. "I don't know that many people. And Blue doesn't even drive."
"Neither does Noah."
"You're right but somehow I thought it went unsaid that a ghost wouldn't be behind the wheel of any moving vehicle." Adam flicked Ronan lightly on the thigh; it was one of the few ways he showed affection to Ronan that didn't involve dicks down throats or reverent mouths on chests. Not that Ronan was complaining about either of those things, but still. Ronan wanted arms around shoulders and hands in hands and faces pressed into necks in the booth at Nino's and maybe at the movies or like, at Starbucks or something. Going on dates at Starbucks was a thing, right?
Adam kept his hand on Ronan's thigh and squeezed. "Where are we going anyway?"
Ronan ignored him. "Is there a Starbucks in Henrietta?"
"Uh, I think so. If not, I wonder how far Gansey drives out of his way to get his frappuchinos." Adam mused, remembering the dozens of receipts constantly littering the floor of the Pig.
"What the hell is a frappuchino?"
"It's like milk and sugar and... more sugar. Some flavoring. In a big cup. They're like five dollars each."
Ronan made a sound like he was dying and Adam laughed, high and light.
It wasn't a Starbucks but it would do. Adam ordered a cup of plain black coffee and kept it that way and Ronan made a face at him for a full minute.
"What?" Adam snapped around a sip.
"That's disgusting and I might throw up for you," Ronan said while dumping four packets of sugar and at least half a cup of creamer into his own cup. Adam kicked him under the table and Ronan frowned. It didn’t hurt but it reminded him of why he'd brought them both here and how he didn't really want to do this but he felt like if he didn't, he would never feel comfortable in his own skin around Adam.
"So why are we here?" Adam asked, wrapping his hands around his cup of coffee to warm them up; it was winter and Henrietta never seemed prepared for the cold, heaters malfunctioning at first use and cold seeping in through locked windows and doors. "I thought we were going to mess around on Monmouth's roof while Gansey's out."
Ronan smirked, remembering when he suggested that to Adam and Adam had agreed after only a minute of exasperated exclamations of protest. "Yeah... I mean, no, not today." Ronan pretended not to notice the exaggerated pout on Adam's face. "I just wanted to..." He broke off, unsure of how to continue. Now that they were here, the whole thing seemed so stupid. Was he really going to sit in front of Adam and complain about their relationship after months and months of assuming that there would never be a relationship to complain about in the first place?
Apparently he was. "I just don't really know what we're doing here and I guess I don't like that." The confession left Ronan's mouth in a rush, his voice breaking slightly at the end. "Fuck, I don't know." He ran his hand over his scalp where his hair was starting to grow out, not enough to tug at though, which is precisely what Ronan wanted to do at the moment.
Adam ran his finger over his lip, a habit he obviously picked up from Gansey. It made Ronan squirm and remember the days when he was jealous of Gansey's newfound best friendship with Adam. "I don’t know what you mean," Adam admitted after a quiet moment. "You don't know what we're doing?"
Ronan sighed aggressively and almost accidentally knocked his cup of coffee over. He righted it like he did most things: angrily. "Yeah like. I don't know, we fool around and stuff and we sleep next to each other and you call me 'babe' sometimes," Ronan's face burned. "But I don't know what any of that means to you." Ronan starting ripping apart the empty sugar packets scattered on the table, not meeting Adam's eyes.
"Ah," Adam said a minute later. "Blue warned me about this."
Ronan almost flipped the table. "Blue?! Warned you about.. about what?" He spat out.
Adam didn't seem to take Ronan's aggression seriously. He usually didn't anyway. "Chill, she just. I mean, she knows about us. I don't think Gansey does," he added, seeing the question on Ronan's face. "But she told me that 'she isn’t stupid and Mark Watney could see the sexual tension from his base on Mars', whatever the hell that means." He shook his head. "She said we should uh, define the relationship or something." Adam was infuriatingly casual throughout the whole ordeal, stopping twice to take a sip from his bitter drink. Ronan was still considering flipping the table.
"And?"
"And what?" Adam was pretending like he was succeeding at hiding his smirk behind his cup. Ronan kicked him.
"Fine." Adam sighed and put his arms on the table, leaning closer to Ronan. "Sorry, I know I've been kind of a dick about the whole thing lately, but... I don't know, I mean, I've never done anything like this before and I guess I didn't want to say anything in case I accidentally ruined everything."
Ronan shook his head. "How would you ruin everything?" He said softly, more to himself than Adam. He took the last sip of his coffee."That's why I didn't say anything sooner, actually." He met Adam's eyes. "I didn't want to complain when you were already giving me so much.
Adam scoffed, a bit bewildered. "Ronan, I may not know much about this but I'm almost certain relationships don't work like that. Not the good ones, at least."
Ronan nodded, back to shredding the sugar packets and piling the pieces together. "So... relationship."
Adam sighed dramatically. "Yeah don't make a big deal out of it. I don't like clingy guys."
"Fuck you," Ronan responded lightly, a badly suppressed smile on his face. He kicked Adam again and Adam kicked back. They played footsie like losers and Adam poured two packets of sugar into his coffee so Ronan could share with him.
Getting up to leave, Ronan shrugged his coat on and eyed Adam's too-thin sweater. He'd do something about that tonight. Adam met Ronan's eyes and gave him a sheepish and mocking smile. "So, should we like, hold hands or something?" Ronan's eyes widened and Adam's grin did the same.
"No, that's gay." He grabbed Adam's hand though and refused to give him time to comment. "C'mon, we have an hour before Gansey gets back to Monmouth and I still wanna blow you on the roof."