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Clover wasn’t stupid.
They were young, but that didn’t mean they had no sense. When they set off for Mt. Ebott, they knew they’d probably never see the light of day again. Despite that: they went. If they died on the way or in the realm of monsters, well, that just meant that they’d tried. That meant the idea of it was worth something, because at least they’d tried.
Five kids, not much older or younger than them, had vanished up there. Down there. Whichever. They knew that. It was all they could think about. How five kids had disappeared and not one person was doin’ a single thing about it. No one who was supposed to have power, anyhow.
So it fell upon someone like them. Someone with the drive to get it done, with the will to do what others wouldn’t. And it was a fool's errand, sure, but knowing that was half the battle. If you knew something was a suicide mission, it softened the blow. That’s what they told themself as they leapt into the unknown.
Clover’d kinda expected to die to the fall, to be honest. They didn’t , though, which meant they could keep moving. So they did. They moved through the Ruins, keeping a careful eye out the whole way. The flower… they didn’t trust him. He gave them a fallback they couldn’t ignore, was all.
There was Dalv, too. He kept saying things about someone else. If they had more time, they would have questioned him more. Had he met a human before? Was that why they were familiar to him? It was too late to ask those things, now, but the idea kept them going.
Going all the way to Snowdin, first. They’d been making pretty good time! According to Flowey, the fact that they’d managed to avoid dying so far was almost impressive. Not that they believed much of what he said. Thinkin’ that way got them burned, was all.
Uh. Sorta literally, in this sense. Not that Martlet burned them. Just… killed them. From the way it’d been explained, they’d kinda expected to not notice themself dying. That they’d be struck down and turn back around as if nothing had happened. It’d probably be easier if that were the case, but they supposed it was probably good it wasn’t. Just so the power of death not having much consequence didn’t go to their head.
Martlet killed them and they didn’t die instantly. Clover watched their little yellow soul crack, felt it in their chest like what they assumed a heart attack felt like, and then saw it shatter. It hurt to high hell. Still didn’t kill ‘em quick. Naw. They felt their body slump, and saw her react to the fact that she’d killed them. How she ran forward and grabbed their body. She was so much bigger than they were. Her feathers were awful soft for how sharp they’d seemed in combat. Maybe they’d just gone too numb to tell.
That’s when they’d actually died the first time.
They popped back up, right as rain, just before the fight to Flowey mocking them. It rubbed them wrong but they didn’t want to pick a fight with a plant, so they kept on going. It wasn’t all that hard to wait Martlet’s confusion out once they knew how she attacked. She gave them a ride on her boat, talked some about her life. It was nice for the time it lasted.
They crashed. She left. And off they went. All the time hanging around monsters was clearly getting on Flowey’s nerves. So they got through the Dunes as quick as they could. Obviously not as quick as they would’ve liked, considering the detour with the Wild East.
Clover wasn’t sure if they were flattered or offended by it at first, to be honest. Something about North Star’s passion won them over in the end. They were content being a show piece for a while, anyhow. It let them confirm some stuff about monsters. Only a few of them saw Clover as an actual threat, most monsters instead being happy to hold conversation. Not that they were much of a talker.
They’d done a pretty good job not thinking back to the surface for most of their journey. It’d been maybe two days, which was pretty good time as far as they were concerned. Maybe they’d get lucky. It’d be like they’d never left! Hah. Not that people’d really notice either way.
They’d been too busy to think about home, was what they meant. Going through the Underground as quick as they were made it easy. Until it wasn’t so easy. Between North Star’s training, they’d walked into a building to see the rest of the Feisty Five getting some rest. All in the same little space.
Clover eyed the couch, feeling something twist in their gut. It was an awful small place for so many folks to sleep. Not somewhere real suited for it, either. Reminded them of what they had to look forward to getting back to the surface. Hey, being a kid without a real clear place to stay was what made them doing this possible in the first place. This was a reminder of what they were there for.
The rest of their time in the Wild East was a bit of a blur. They bid farewell to Starlo and then were off to the Steamworks with Ceroba. She was hard to read. The type to act level headed but to have a lot more on her plate than she’d say out loud. She really seemed to bug Flowey, though they were beginning to think that was just the flower's constant state of being.
Axis was different from the monsters. It was a robot, of course it was different, but there was something about it that made them uncomfortable. Everything about Steamworks did that, to be real honest. The only mechanical nonsense they needed was the cool metal in their pocket. Which hardly even counted, considering they hadn’t needed to actually shoot the thing other than for practice.
Monsters all seemed to react to them bleeding. It was something they’d realized pretty quick that only humans did. Martlet when they’d died, the four during their time ‘roughing Clover up’. They learned that monsters were made entirely of magic. That made them still using it make sense, since humans sure didn’t anymore.
Axis didn’t seem shocked to see blood at all. If it was made to be a Royal Guard or something, that made some sort of sense. It probably had to be familiar with human anatomy to an extent. So they ignored it, even if it made their skin crawl. It was just a hunk of metal, doing something unsavory to it wouldn’t help them figure out where the five kids had gone.
(They knew where the kids had gone. They’d known the whole time. Those five kids were dead and gone. Clover weren’t no fool — they could pick up on context.)
They kept going. There wasn’t anything else for ‘em to do other than trudge forward. Which was what they’d been thinking the whole time, really. That philosophy had carried them so far, no point in changing it!
Ceroba… it was kinda strange, her case. The whole time some gut instinct had told them that she was tricking them into something. They weren’t nearly as surprised as they could’ve been when Starlo and Ed showed up to tell her off. Or when Ed dragged them back to the East again. Just going through the motions.
They weren’t trying to come off as detached, truly! They’d grown to care something fierce for the monsters they’d met on their journey! Articulating that kinda stuff had just never been their strongest suit.
Where were they? The… stuff with Ceroba’s family. Right. The experiments Chujin had done, how he’d died and left his wife and child behind. How… one of the kids they’d been searching for had killed a monster. Martlet seemed to know that story when they asked her about it.
Then they were on the move again, trying to track Ceroba down. It left Clover’s thoughts in a tangle. Could human souls really be used to preserve a monster's life like that? They knew that they needed seven for the barrier to break. They had five. Five missing children meant five souls. Two more before monsterkind could be free.
New Home. Ceroba.
She was desperate to get ahold of them, to use them to save her daughter. Could they blame her? A mother who cared so deeply for her child that she was willing to do anything for it. Was that itself not the kind of justice they strived for? She wanted to save Kanako so desperately that she nearly blasted a childhood friend off of a rooftop!
They died. A lot. Ceroba was no pushover. It made sense, from all the attacks they’d seen her throw before ever fighting her themself. Every time, Flowey grew a bit more impatient with them. Every time, they lost a bit more of their resolve.
Eventually, though, they beat her. She panted on the ground, energy drained. It didn’t feel good, it didn’t feel like a triumph. They didn’t gain anything by outlasting her. She just gave up the fight, believing in the good of them.
That was about the moment they knew what they had to do, to be real honest. It wasn’t a hard decision to make. One life for the lives of thousands? It had started as a suicide mission, it just so happened it’d end that way, too.
They didn’t cry when they said goodbye. The truth was staring them right in the face. One day, maybe a long time away, another human would fall down into the Underground. One day, they’d get to see the sun rise. If Clover died for that, wasn't it a noble cause?
Like before, giving up their soul didn’t kill them instantly. They guessed Flowey’d decided their choice was a good enough ending, too, because he didn’t try to talk them out of it. He monologued on for a bit, but they were sure he could tell they weren’t quite listening. They would if they could’ve, it was just…
They hadn’t exactly died, had they? Their soul had been removed from their body, but it still persisted. There was a cold that had spread through their body, starting from their chest. It wasn’t unlike dying, at first. Something about was more final.
Freedom. They hoped their friends liked it.