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The bed creaked as if to greet her. Hera winced at the barely-there flickering light in the corridor, apparent for just a second before her cabin door slid closed. She turned over in sleep, rolling to fit a more comfortable position; on her front with a leg poking out behind her and the other tucked in.
A fleeting cold sent a shiver through her, but the slight movement of blankets didn’t bother her, not when she knew who was sliding in beside her. Kanan said he’d be late back and he was, plus his arms were apologetic as they wrapped around her stomach.
Hera yawned into her arm as she leaned into it. Sleep was definitely within reach, even if she’d only managed to get into bed a half hour before Kanan arrived. He was so warm around her, safely enveloping her as he nestled into the space between her shoulder and neck.
No matter how sleepy Hera was, there was something stopping her from falling unconscious completely. Greedily, she wanted a kiss from him because he was there . Something had changed within her since the start of their relationship. It turned out that touches could cure a bitter mood and kisses were more revitalising than any super juice that Zeb made could be. It was difficult when she couldn’t just kiss him in the cockpit or embrace him immediately after a trip where they’d been separated. Hera on the ground at the base and Kanan a planet-away putting his all into her cause.
Kanan certainly didn’t expect anything, not when he barely greeted her out of respect for upsetting her sleep. He’d been quiet as he pulled her body against his, only his hands were smoothing along her stomach and hips.
Pursing her lips, Hera decided to temporarily pause her dedication to rest. The arm that was fuzzy and asleep under her managed to wriggle free, and escaped along Kanan’s arm that was heavy on her side. As she trailed higher up his arm until she had to turn it around to reach his face. Slowly, she fiddled with the hairs on his chin, poking and prodding because her mouth just wasn’t working. If Kanan was truly tired, she would leave it because she was also struggling to stay awake.
It took just a second for him to respond, his ducked head lifted from the crook of her neck and he might’ve said something quietly, but Hera wasn’t focused on that. Not when Kanan’s warm hands were working their way along her body, his tepid touches evoking a fire within her.
It wasn’t uncommon for Hera to let him take the lead, especially now that she was so comfortable with it. Words were useless between them when they already knew what the other wanted and needed.
With her eyes barely open, she angled her head further against his chest, leaning back to feel the burn of his skin against her naked lekku.
If they were really getting into it, his hand would’ve slid from her stomach to her chest to eventually wind loosely around her throat. Yet everything was slow, mostly because of exhaustion and, Hera assumed, Kanan’s need to hear a verbal confirmation before proceeding with anything that exceeded playful touches and light kisses.
“Mhm,” she murmured as she moved against him, too sleepy to roll her hips. Instead she guided her head under his, a lekku poured over his shoulder to encourage him closer.
“Yeah?” he whispered into her earcone. The soft, tender skin was incredibly delicate, only allowing a brush of lips or a quiet word.
Hera wriggled a hand up to tug at his hair, loosening the locks that were held in an untidy bunch.
“Mhm, alright then.” Kanan moved slowly down her form, gifting warm kisses to her skin that reacted with goosebumps. The recycled air was difficult at night, especially in the winter when Hera sacrificed the space heaters that belonged to her and Kanan’s cabins. Ezra and Sabine needed them more anyway, plus it’s not like Hera didn’t have a body to curl up to when it got it chilly.
Kanan didn’t begrudge her for it, he couldn’t. There was nothing more he appreciated than spending the nights with her, not just the art of indulging in each other’s bodies, but being able to call someplace home after a frustrating mission or a tiring Jedi training lesson gone wrong was all he truly wanted.
At least that’s how he explained it to Hera. The man had a heart of gold but his insides were soft and delicate, even if his exterior was an impenetrable surface. What he needed was what he’d been robbed of in his youth; love.
The first or second accidental sleepover encouraged him to open up, pour his heart out as he should see fit. He didn’t beg for her attention, yet explained that a strict relationship focusing on physical intimacy wasn’t going to cut it. It wasn’t an ultimatum, because he couldn’t do that to her.
Hera turned the idea over in her mind for a few days, and then realised at the very end of all her thinking how silly it had been. There was no resolution where she would be truly happy without being with Kanan in a romantic sense, because when they crossed the line from friends to more, they couldn’t simply go back. Actually, living around Kanan as just a friend would be far more difficult than she could imagine.
It was strange that she even went away to think it over. She enjoyed kissing him and touching him and everything else that went with it. Perhaps it was because she hadn’t had a proper relationship before, but there was no way she could just be physical with someone with nothing else to go along with it.
So, Kanan’s urgency to label their relationship was understandable. It was obvious he couldn’t deal with just a sexual relationship, and that was obvious in the present, when he sought her out for emotional comfort more than anything else.
It worked for them.
There would be hours where they would go without a touch but at least at the end of the night, Hera would hear the rustling of a familiar sweater and the thumping sound it would make as it hit the floor of her cabin. When arms would curl around her and lips would press into her shoulder, she would sink into a slumber she didn’t want to wake up from. Yet when she did, Kanan would be there with all his messy dark hair and morning kisses and nothing could make her more awake.
It was private, not a secret. Perhaps that grew into something silly, especially when they began to go out of their way to disguise their relationship. But it worked for them, so it didn’t matter what anyone else thought. Over time, Hera realised that Kanan appreciated how lax she became in front of the crew. Although, there would be no passionate kisses on display in the kitchen but maybe she’d let his arm hang over her shoulders during breakfast or a long look shared would go a long way. The kids were perceptive now, smarter. Zeb pretended to be none-the-wiser but he knew from the start, nothing got past that nose of his.
“There,” she suddenly inhales, deep and caught in her throat. When her back arches, her nose tips upwards and it reminds her of how she moves under him if he were directly above her.
“I know,” he says easily, lifting his head just for a moment. “There.” He mutters in jest, a gentle kiss to the soft skin of her thigh, a place only for his eyes.
Every part of her is on high alert, awaiting the nearing bliss that Kanan is just keeping from her. Maybe just because he can, or to be a tease, or perhaps to remind her that if they weren’t together, the long part between nothing and bliss would be so much more than aching. Although, that’s a cynical thought. Something much too wayward for even her darkest moments to conjure. If they were to break up, and they wouldn’t, she would be deeply unhappy and she guessed the same for Kanan, but he’d cut and run because he wouldn’t be able to stand being around her without being with her.
There was no figuring out where the relationship started, unless it really was as black and white as a first kiss and everything after that…
When Kanan came to her one night after they’d been separated due to an extended mission solely for Hera and Fulcrum, their deal had been finalised. She smiled fondly at the memory, noting that absence perhaps did make the heart grow fonder.
Like their current situation, Hera was already tucked into bed, long past the hour when she told Kanan she’d be back. It was certainly eye-opening.
That could’ve been said for Gorse too and Hera thought Kanan was an idiot back then. She may have been proven wrong when the sleazy bartender turned out to be quite heroic, but Hera didn’t leave the planet with a thumping heart every time she thought of her new passenger.
Actually, Kanan was pretty uncertain in his early days and his love of the drink didn’t draw her to him. Although she would never hold it against him, not when his nightmares pulled her from her own sleep. In a way, being awake together in the depth of the night was encouraging their relationship. There was no formality in the dark.
Hera would do anything to have Kanan freed of the horrors that plagued him and woke him up. Then part of her also questioned whether their relationship would have blossomed at all if there were no nightmares to ignite conversation between them. It would’ve happened eventually, she knew deep down, because Kanan was the person she wanted to be with.
Plus, Kanan wasn’t particularly conversational during those post-nightmare early mornings. Hera would simply hold his head in her lap or cuddle him from behind, her hands would smooth over him in an attempt to calm his body down and her lips would kiss and catch any tears that fell.
Perhaps she realised she truly loved him when she suddenly wanted to be there for him, over any other person in the galaxy. How she might take offence if he complained about his troubles to someone else or if he went to sleep without saying anything at all. That was something they had to work through; talking.
Kanan was a good shoulder to cry on and his ability to be comforting was frankly always perfectly timed. He was able to sense Hera’s upset before she even clocked it, or maybe her facial expressions betrayed her. After Chopper would wheel away and the kids would go to bed, Kanan would hang around the cockpit in hopes of encouraging Hera to open up to him.
It always worked.
The one time it almost didn’t, Hera almost cried. And that was something that didn’t happen very often, at least not in front of others. He almost turned away from her, almost, but in the same moment of horror where Hera realised Kanan might just be content on his own, without her, she realised the only way she could reel him back in.
“Kanan,” she breathed sharply. A pitchy, frazzled high to her voice as she fought to lower the overall volume. “Kanan.” She repeated louder.
The heart that lived inside of her threatened to jump out as her vision whitened. The bedsheets were creased and untidy, unlike the inviting warmth they’d been before. Hera dragged her nails along the mattress and then into the heat of Kanan’s back. He gave another dip of his head before returning victoriously to meet her gaze.
“Good?” He asked smugly, one arm held him against the bed and the other ran up and down Hera’s waist.
”Uh-hu.” She sighed into his shoulder. Another pat onto his skin told him to sidle up to her, and Kanan did so obligingly.
”Just uh-hu, hu?” Kanan spoke after settling against her, taking both his arms to wrap around Hera. “I must be getting worse in my old age.”
”You’re twenty-eight, Kanan.” She murmured into his chest. Her eyes were still closed and heavy, still in recovery.
”Do you think I still get older if I don’t know my birthday?” He said wryly, one of his hands squeezed lightly on her hip.
”You do, that’s why we celebrate yours with mine.” Hera looked up at him, eventually. There was little lighting, yet she could make out the point of his chin and the jut of his nose. She smiled fondly at him.
“Ah,” Kanan hummed. With his pathetic human vision, he probably couldn’t see her, yet he found her mouth when he lowered his head. “Love you, sweetheart.”
”Love you.” She kissed him sweetly. “That was worth being woken up for, by the way.”