Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The first time it happens, you get crushed by a rock. It hurts, and you maybe freak out, just a little. You meet Loop. You learn about the loops.

You try again.

You get accidentally shoved into a tear.

…

You’re going to be at this for a while, aren’t you?

The first time it happens, they get crushed by a rock. You panic, no one screams - there wasn’t really time to scream? But then, it hits you. He’s gone.

…You will never get to tell them.

You blink, and you’re standing in front of the favor tree again. You breathe, just like Siff does.

The next time it happens, Siff gets shoved into a tear. You still haven’t told him. 

You blink, and you’re standing in front of the favor tree again.

You’re going to be at this for a while, aren’t you?

The first time it happens is a surprise.

“Tails.” Asserts Isabeau. You flip the coin. It lands on tails.

“Huh.” You say. You blink. You’re standing in front of the shelves in the shop of Dormont.

You’re confused, but then it happens again. The coin lands on tails - you’re back here. Then, it lands on heads, finally.

Things after that are… hazy. You know you spoke, and were spoken to, but what was said eludes you. You don’t know how you got back here again, but what’s going on is clear.

Apparently, there is some weight to it after all.

You ask around in town, discreetly. Against all odds, it exists. You pay well for it. Or, you would, if they would even let you - instead they insist you take it. Maybe it will bring you luck, they say.

Later that night, in the clock tower, you pray to the Expression of Search and the Expression of Luck.

You turn the two tailed coin slowly in your hand, and think.

You may be at this for a while, won’t you?

The first time it happens… is rough. Siffrin… he- They were doing their job, because you asked them to. You were scared of that corridor. Now, you’re more scared.

Isabeau is… not taking it well. He hardly seems aware of anything going on around you all. You take a breath, just like- You take a breath. You continue. Bonnie and Odile don’t know what to do, how to help. Odile tries to distract Isabeau with a coin flip, which she wins. Bonnie tries to feed him. It’s… mechanical, almost. Spooky, but well. It was a terrible thing to see.

You’re holding it together because someone has to.

Then you forget that the Head Housemaiden keeps the key in her desk. You’re stuck in front of a locked door.

You didn’t even get to the King.

You blink, and you’re looking at your papers in front of the library again. Was… that just a bad dream?

The next time, the corridor makes your throat tighten like nothing else. You can’t say anything, you can’t say anything, you’re trying you’re trying, and finally-

“WAIT-” They’ve already led you all halfway into the room. He hardly reacts to your warning. Click.

CRASH. Oh… there’s the rock. It hits no one this time, and you’re so shaken, that you barely hear Siffrin’s question. You answer anyway, but all you hear is your heartbeat.

They get further, this time. He points out a tear, and Bonnie explains quickly before trying to rush the group further. They trip. Siffrin trips.

Isabeau goes mechanical again. You keep going. Odile tries to distract him (she wins the flip). Bonnie tries to feed him.

You remember the key, but you look, and look, and look, and can’t find it anywhere. You want to cry. You can’t find it.

If Siffrin was here, he’d find it. He would! You don’t let yourself think about the death corridor.

You blink. You’re back in Dormont. You don’t think it’s a dream anymore.

You’re going to be at this for a while, aren’t you?

—-----

You blink, and there’s the vegetable field.

What were you thinking about again?

Something about a dream. Something about a promise you made. Something about a wish.

It slips away like a bad dream. Must not have been important.

You have dinner and snacks to prepare. You’re thinking… samosas! You nod, and rush off.

It’s not every day you and everyone else goes to fight the king after all!

Chapter Text

Loop 3. Alright, you can do this! The first time it happened, you’d asked Odile if she’d noticed anything… weird.

She’s super perceptive, and immediately turned the question back on you. You’ll admit that you may have panicked, just a little. Backtracking wildly, but it was a good test.

She’s super perceptive, after all. If anyone else knew the loops were happening, it’d be her! And, since she didn’t, that means no one else did either. You didn’t want to ask them and be proven wrong, or looked at weirdly, or or or

Focus, Siffrin! Loop three. Remember the rock in the death corridor. Don’t touch the tears. Two things. Really easy! You won’t forget.

You won’t. (You repeat them to yourself anyway.)

Mirabelle comes by, and you’re enthusiastic about the sleepover idea. You go, and tell everyone - even if you don’t have to it’s nice to have something of a routine.

It’s why you save Isa for last. You love that routine. You love that joke. You… are still confused at the hand thing, but he moves on past it, like always, and after a brief chat, you talk to Loop.

Loop is… still weird. Not a friend, you’re not sure you like them like that, but they are helpful. Even if their help boils down to ‘get to the king, and don’t die on the way there’.

Rock, tear. You can do that.

You go to the clocktower, enjoy dinner, Isa wakes you up, and doesn’t say whatever it is, and you’re still very curious, but you say “Okay.”

The house again. Loop three, you remind yourself. Rock, tear. You go through the tutorial. Routine, per usual.

Rock, then. Click goes the button, and the rock crashes down, kind of spooking everyone, but they calm quickly, and you move on.

Tear. You pass by it, and Isa comments on it - you merely smile at him. Progress! You’re making progress! The rest of the floor is straight forward, the powerful sadness is handled, and then, a room that’s calm, quiet.

You all decide to take a snack break there. Odile asks Isa to pick heads or tails.

“Tails.” He says confidently. She flips the coin. It lands on tails.

“Huh.” She says, going quiet. Isa blinks, glancing at the rest of you in confusion. You shrug.

Mirabelle has a weird look on her face, but she smiles when she sees you and Isa looking at her.

Bonnie interrupts with snacks. Odile takes the oginiri, and starts to eat, deep in thought. You try one too. That’s definitely… interesting?

Bonnie seems upset with the general lack of enthusiasm, so you loudly compliment their cooking. Everyone else chimes in, though Odile must be very deep in thought. Still, she comments positively, and Bonnie is thrilled.

You continue to the second floor. Progress. Your fingers fiddle and tap at your knife - far less suspicious under your cloak than the wide grin threatening an appearance would be!

Mirabelle points out the Head Housemaiden’s office, saying she always keeps the key there. You all head in, and you look around, curiously - you thought Madam Odile would also be curious, but she appears to still be thinking. What about, you have no idea. After satisfying your curiosity, you get to work, looking for the key as the others chat.

You look, and look and look. Mirabelle chatters happily, and you don’t really want to interrupt her. Maybe the Head Housemaiden moved the key. You lead the way out of her office and a rock crashes down behind you all.

…

Well, there was nothing important in there anyway. You check out the doorway right nearby, and it is indeed locked.

“Oh, Siffrin, you got the key right?” Mirabelle smiles brightly at you, and you stutter.

“Ah, um… no?” Her face falls and you stumble to keep talking. “I looked for it! It wasn’t anywhere in there! Maybe she moved it - we didn’t check the other side yet, I’ll bet it’s there.”

She seems… unconvinced. Isabeau pats her shoulder. “It’ll be alright Mira, Siff’s got a sense for these things!” She nods, and follows you to the other side of the house.

You pour over every inch of every other room on the floor. There is no key.

She knows, before you even turn to look at her in the last room you can access without a key. “It’s not here.” She says. You shake your head, feeling awful at the way her face just… crumples. “We’re stuck… we. We aren’t even going to get to the King, are we?”

You shake your head again, and feel even worse for how her face goes from crumpled to completely flat. You look to Isa, and he nods seriously, ushering a quiet Mirabelle, a quiet Odile, and a subdued Bonnie together. He tries to cheer them up.

While he’s distracted, you touch the nearest tear.

You wake in Dormont. Loop four. Rock, tear, key.

You follow routine. Click for the rock, pass by the tear, complete floor one. Odile loses the coin flip, says “Huh”, goes quiet. Floor two, Head Housemaiden’s office.

Mirabelle insists the key is there. You know she’s right, so you look. And you look and look and look. And…

It’s a whim. You check the underside of the drawer. That… sure is a key. Stars you're a fool.

Satisfied with the success at least, you make to leave. Mirabelle pipes up, and asks if you found the key. You hold it up proudly - glad you can reassure her, this time. She grins brightly, and you all continue.

You find the next key in a book. Odile’s been quiet for a while… You thought she’d be thrilled about a library. You glance from her to the other adults. They are also concerned, you can see. But no one says anything besides Bonnie, looking at a recipe in a book, curiously.

You take a deep breath. You’re second oldest, which means you’re the adult that is going to have to do something about it. Besides, Odile and you… there’s an understanding, there, you’re pretty sure. You’re friends.

You motion the others away, and Isa nods, taking Mira and Bonnie loudly over to another shelf - something about diaries? Some light reading, it sounds like.

You turn to Odile. You open your mouth.

You… can’t say anything. She looks…

She looks like she isn’t even there. Your gut clenches, a tug that’s quickly becoming familiar to you.

The words fall from your lips, unbidden. “We can’t beat the king like this.” The chatter on the other side of the small library falls silent. They heard. But it’s true.

Mirabelle disagrees, loudly. “We can still do it! We haven’t even gotten to the third floor! There’s time.” Bonnie seems uncertain, shaken by the disagreement. You take a deep breath, in, and out.

You meet Mirabelle’s eyes. “Mira… we need Odile’s strength, and she…” You look back at her dead gaze. “She can’t do that, right now. We need everyone.”

You look back at Mirabelle just in time to see the pain in her gaze. She knew. She didn’t want to admit it, but she knew. Mirabelle closes her eyes, pained expression on her face as she nods.

When she opens her eyes, her gaze is dead. “Belle?” Bonnie asks, scared.

You’re a little scared, yourself. Isabeau is quick to reassure Bonnie. You don’t know what’s going on, but you know that going back should fix it. Everything will be alright, you just need to go back.

You find a tear nearby.

When you wake, everything is back to normal. Or, normal enough. Mirabelle doesn’t meet you right at the bridge, but you can see her there by the library, and when you approach her, and she notices you, the routine begins. It’s nice. Comfortable. You don’t notice the pinch at the corner of Mira’s eyes. You don’t want to notice.

Loop five. The routine is followed, the tutorial gone through, rock, tear, break room. You watch Odile, concerned.

She prompts Isabeau to pick heads or tails. “Tails.” He says, confidently. She flips the coin.

Heads. Huh. You know it was tails before - it’s always been tails. Maybe things that are based on luck can change? It’s the best explanation you have.

Isa blinks, and there’s a beat of extended silence before he huffs. “Boo.”

Mirabelle seems to be doing much better this time around, at least. Less… stressed? That’s probably the right word. She asks what the coin flip is about, and Odile explains about her wish to the favor tree. It may be a silly favor, but it’s small, so you like it. You knew you two were similar!

Then Odile and Isa quip back and forth a bit. He owes her books, apparently. He laments his betrayal by a friend. Odile smirks, and says…

…

Allies, at best. You keep the smile on your face, but those words… They find a home right beside your heart, and dig in deep.

You will never forget that. Not even if you tried.

It’s fine, though! Odile is here. She’s not dead eyed, barely responding, lost so deep in her thoughts you can never find her. She’s here. And that’s enough.

The second floor is nearly chipper in comparison to previous loops. Like you thought, Odile is curious. She asks about things in the Head Housemaiden’s office, she questions the diaries in the library, you make progress!!!

Then, the worst thing that could ever happen to you does.

There’s a split in the path. Everyone looks at you.

You HATE being the tie breaker!!!

“Can’t we just get along?” You stutter, nervous.

“No.” Mirabelle states with a firmness. “This is war.” The light in her eyes is playful, but she sounds so serious!

Age, or beauty. Those are your choices. Isn’t… isn’t there a saying about that? There is, you’re sure of it. How, exactly it goes, you’re not entirely sure, but…

You just got Odile back. And Bonnie… they don’t remember, but the last loops have been tough. You can do something nice for them, can’t you? Isa and Mira will understand, won’t they?

“Age alliance?” You offer, still unsure but wanting to try.

Isa and Mira snip at you a bit, and well. You’re not sure what face you make at that, but they reassure you that they’re just kidding.

You relax, and use the star crest on the left hand path.

…

You picked wrong.

You loop back.

Chapter Text

You turn the coin in your hand, theories spinning in your head. What’s happening is clear. The why is a bit more nebulous.

The Expressions of Search and Luck are with you at least this far, though. At least you now control the odds. Assuming, of course, that odds have anything to do with it. You take a deep breath, and try to go to sleep.

Try, being the operative word because sure enough the children get into a spat in the middle of the night.

“I’m already awake.” Silence descends rapidly. “And if the noise does not stop, I will get up.” You’ve said this before. It’s worth saying again. “You do not want to know what will happen if I get up.”

There’s a chorus of apologies, and silence falls blissfully. You close your eyes. You sleep.

Going through the first floor of the house is simple enough. You give reminders where reminders are due, ask some questions again - the explanations you got before were helpful, but you feel you haven’t quite grasped the concepts yet. It’s oddly like reviewing your notes. Ideal, really seeing as the notes you took those other times no longer exist. You write them again anyway, trying to make it stick, this time.

Snack time. You take a breath in, and out. It’s time for your experiment. You take out the coin you’ve just gotten in Dormont. You can feel the grooves on either side of it. Two tails. You look at Isabeau.

“Heads or tails.” You ask him. He doesn’t startle, just thinks for a moment before declaring - like the times before - for tails. You hold your breath, and flip the coin.

It is tails on both sides. It is not possible for you to win this coin flip. The coin drops into your palm, for a moment balanced on the edge - but just a moment. It falls over. Tails. You smirk. “Huh.”

You blink, and you’re in Dormont again. You bring out your notebook, and make a few shorthand remarks about the experiment, and the results. You buy what’s needed for dinner that night, and relocate the two-tailed coin.

You offer, again, to pay for it. It’s owner declines - maybe it will bring you luck, they say. You smile. “I think it will.”

You help with dinner, mostly just supervising to ensure that Boniface doesn’t get themselves burnt. You all gather, and eat, and sleep.

The shouting wakes you, you make your ultimatum, you sleep.

The first floor is smooth. Snack time.

Part two of your experiment. You open your book, review your notes. Losing the coin flip puts you back in Dormont. The time you won felt like a fever dream. So, win again.

“Isabeau, heads, or heads?” You ask him. He opens his mouth, and then pauses, frowning.

Siffrin and Mirabell also stare at you, confusion evident.

“M’dame?” Isabeau asks, unsure. You smirk, waving them off to put them at ease - no one is reassured.

“Just humor me.”

“Well… alright, then. Heads!” Isabeau grins.

You flip the two tailed coin. There is no way you don’t win this. It, of course, comes up tails.

“Boo.” Isabeau pouts.

“Hm, interesting. You now owe me.”

“We were betting!?”

“One thousand.”

“One thousand what!?”

“Books.”

He seems distraught, and you enjoy needling him. All the way from friends to allies. Ah, poor Isabeau. A good sport, though.

The second floor goes well, also. When Isabeau puts in his instinct for the right path and Boniface disagrees, well. The Opposite sides of the Age Spectrum Alliance must live on.

Siffrin is the tiebreaker, as usual.

They stutter and stammer, and eventually side with Isabeau and Mirabelle. Boniface threatens him with potatoes, and you play along - Siffrin looks distraught, and you pause.

“We’re just joking, Siffrin.”

“I’m not!” Boniface disagrees loudly and immediately. Siffrin takes a guarding position, Boniface takes an attacking stance, and you can’t help but smile fondly at their antics.

The key is on Isabeau and Mirabelle’s side anyway - a good choice there.

Another strong sadness. Well, a pair. A rather self sacrificing pair. Eventually, you defeat them, and move on.

Not so much further is another quiet room. You’re thinking it might not be wise to stop, but then.

You all stare at Isabeau. He flushes in embarrassment. “Sorry. Snack time?”

Boniface is eager and gets right to it. After a few minutes of just quietly sitting together, Isabeau calls to the kid. “Bonbooooon how much longer until snacks are doooooone?”

“Five minuuuuuutes!” They call back.

Assured with a bit of privacy, Isabeau turns back to the rest of you. “Hey, so… There’s something I want to ask about, i-if we’re sure Bonbon won’t hear.” This is… curious, so when Siffrin calmly proclaims the preteen’s cuteness you have no argument - it’d surely get their attention, if only to complain about it. It doesn’t. Isabeau nods. “Okay. So.”

The look on his face is serious. The topic proves a serious one. “If someone dies, what do we do with your body?” It startles you, a bit - and the others seem just as surprised. Isabeau panics, and rushes to explain. “I-it’s just! We’re going to fight the King. If… if the worst happens, and we’re able to honor your body… How do we do it?” The others seem uncomfortable with the question, so you may as well start.

You explain gem crafting to them, and they seem both surprised and impressed. Mirabelle explains how the Change belief advocates for a specific type of burial. Isabeau shares that he has no real preference - he and Siffrin are looking at each other in an oddly intense way at the conversation…

No. Isabeau is looking at Siffrin intently. Siffrin themself is just looking back. He smiles, and offers something about ashes to the sky. Isabeau nods, and takes a moment for a deep breath, and - oh. Oh gems, that’s right. You school your face quickly, but the compassion still swells in your chest. You take your own deep breath. Isabeau is the one to continue the conversation.

“A-and… and what about Bon-”

“No.” Mirabelle interrupts. “Nothing will happen to Bonnie.”

“Over our dead bodies.” You agree. Everyone nods.

Boniface calls, “Snacks are done!” And the conversation is moved past quickly. You have some madeleines, Boniface and Mirabelle have some pineapple slices, and Siffrin and Isabeau try the fish heads. After a time, it’s time to move on.

It turns out to be a good thing you all took a break, there’s a lot of running around - the third floor is the largest floor so far. Things are explored, and a mirror is found. It takes a picture of you all, and you offer it to Siffrin to hold on to. They smile so wide you’re concerned his face will stick.

Doors, and stories, and questions, and eventually, another ‘weird smelling’ sadness.

You all look at the one crest. “We’ve seen three paths for it.”

You, and the other adults all look nervously between each other. One try. Three paths. “Perhaps a vote.”

Eventually, the five of you all managed to decide, by way of majority, that this crest is probably for the pathway just beyond the mirror’s hallway.

It… isn’t.

There’s no key in this room, just piles of papers, half written poetry, and a horror anthology that Mirabelle explains to you all. Boniface is looking at one of the books on the desk, and Siffrin looks with them - or well, they would, but Boniface gets defensive over his peeking. Siffrin, predictably, yields to the preteen.

But… there’s no key here. The realization seems to fall over Mirabelle first. She closes her eyes, looking pained, and Isabeau goes over to put a hand on her shoulder. “I’m okay.” She says, not sounding okay at all. “I’m okay.” She repeats, and opens her eyes. She looks tired, beyond her years. And then, absent.

Isabeau is, of course, concerned. As is Boniface. “Mira? Mira, come on, it’s alright, we can still do this!” He starts trying to console her, Boniface tugging at her dress in poorly concealed fear.

You… don’t know what to do. You look towards Siffrin, seeking the solidarity of another who’s bad with emotions, only.

Where did Siffrin go-?

You blink. You blink again. The shelving looks back at you. Right. The experiment. You cast your memory back. Back, back, back. It still feels like a dream, but you push through the fog. You won the flip, traveled through the house, and took a wrong turn on the third floor.

The more you think about it, the more the fog lifts, clearing up and resolving into something sharp and present.

The sharper, and more present it is, the more you can feel your expression souring. Siffrin disappearing right before you went back. Mirabelle confidently siding with Isabeau in the vote. Isabeau himself, not anywhere near as startled as you at the look on Mirabelle’s face.

Someone has some explaining to do.

You march right out of the store, not having bought anything - just the time it takes to gather your bearings. You spot Mirabelle and Siffrin just by the bridge, the one that leads to the meadow Siffrin went to nap in. Siffrin’s in the middle of saying something about an amazing idea, and you interrupt.

“Mirabelle. Siffrin.” Your voice is sharper than you maybe intended and they both jump like startled cats, whirling to face you. You cross your arms, and wait. Your expression must be thunderous, because they both seem scared stiff.

“A-ah, M’dame! Hello! Ah, um, did - did you need something?” You’ll give her points, she tried. The stuttering, darting glances, and the way she clutches her hands to her chest all give her away. You smile, and it is not a nice smile - you can see them both swallow.

“As a matter of fact, I did. Follow.” You turn, and start marching. A beat, and then one set of footsteps starts to follow you. You stop your step. “Siffrin.” There’s a muffled sound of startlement, and then two sets of footsteps are following you. Good.

You head for the favor tree.

They really will give you an ulcer, at this rate.

Chapter Text

The woods again. The favor tree right there. The feeling of - don’t think about it. Deep breaths instead. Like Siff!

Calm down, Isa. Calm down. He’s fine. She’s fine. They’re all fine, and you’ll be invited to a sleepover in the clocktower, and laugh at a tree pun, and try try try to get the courage to actually-!

Oh who are you kidding? You’ll never get the guts to do it. Maybe… maybe when you finally beat the King. Like you promised! Yeah, just like you promised, you can do that.

Deep breaths. Iiiiiiin, and ooooooooout. Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiin, and oooooooooooooooooooooooooooout.

Okay. Siff should be here-

That’s too many feet.

You open your eyes to see a truly terrifying sight. M’dame Odile is, for lack of a better word, storming up to you, a nervous Mira and Siff behind her. This is not- that’s not how it usually goes! You can’t help how your shoulders rise up to your ears. “M-m’dame?”

She stops in front of you, Mira and Siff joining you in what is obviously misery and nerves, but it’s Odile who speaks. “Would anyone care to tell me why they thought it was a good idea to hide this?”

Hide? Hide wha- OH CRAB SHE KNOWS. She locks on to you immediately. “Isabeau, thank you for volunteering. Explain.” She demands.

You freeze. She won’t take silence, you know her you’ve been traveling for long enough to know that she will not accept no answer and the answer you have had better be a good one, come on Isa spit it out say something! “Detective-ology?”

Odile blinks.

Mira blinks.

Siff blinks.

You blink.

You… really just said that, didn’t you.

Siff cracks first, sputtering out a puff of air that turns into a full belly laugh. And crab their laugh is just infectious, and you can’t help it if you start laughing too. Which ends up making Mira laugh, and Odile tries to stay serious, you can see it on her face, but really she’s cracking up inside. She’s got that smirk on her face, even as she sighs and shakes her head.

“Gems alive, I can’t take you anywhere.”

You get out the last few giggles and then the four of you are staring at each other - none of you know how to talk about this.

If you even should talk about this. Siff has shrunk into his cloak. Mira is trying to not bite her nails. Odile is looking down at the grass between you all. You cross your arms, holding yourself, and look away. Someone has to talk about it. And sure, you had to start the last hard conversation, but… Someone has to talk about it. It may as well be you.

“So…” Everyone looks at you.

“Time loops?” The relief on faces reflected back at you is immense. Siff and Mira are probably just relieved that they’re not alone. Odile, because she didn’t have to break the topic, which is a uh. Touchy one! For sure!

“Time loops.” M’dame Odile sighs, shaking her head, and getting right into the meat of it once the ice has been broken. “Really, we all know each other, it should have come up the first time.”

Mira tucks her hands down, away from nail biting range. “I! I didn’t want to worry anyone!”

“You mean if no one else was looping?” You ask. She nods, and Siff dares to nod with her.

“Well. What’s done is done. We need to decide what we do now.” Odile continues.

“Isn’t it still just defeat the King?” Siff asks.

You all look between each other, gauging the room, so to speak. You nod. “Sounds good to me, Siff. Like. This is very obviously time craft, the loops I mean, and if we beat the King everyone gets unfrozen, and we get unstuck. Right?” Right.

“Still, we should at least know why we loop, shouldn’t we? I doubt you all go back based on a coin flip.” And she raises a good point, there, but… you look away. It’s not an easy topic. Probably not for anyone but the m’dame.

She looks between the rest of you, and the hesitance is at least obvious enough that she sighs. “I don’t need details, if you’re uncomfortable with them, but… the best way to beat the King is to get to him. And someone looping at the wrong time will not help that.” Everyone takes a moment to come to terms with that fact.

Mira speaks first. “I… I go back when we can’t beat the King. When we get stuck.” You nod, because that makes sense with what you’ve seen. Then, you offer, softly hesitantly…

“And…?”

And she looks at you, confused for a moment what you mean, before she realizes. “Oh… and um. When someone else has looped. S… Siffrin was right.” And that seems to startle them. “We can’t beat the king if someone’s… gone.”

“Gone?” Odile questions.

“Oh um! It’s just. When- when someone loops back they um. They get this um. Look? This look on their face and it’s just… It’s really obvious. They… you’re gone.” She looks at Odile, and then at you, which startles you.

“Huh!? I’ve had that look?” You don’t remember it. She nods, and opens her mouth, and says… nothing.

You and Odile look between each other. “Mira?” You ask. She looks very uncomfortable with this, but… you need to know. “Mira, please tell me.”

“A-after… after the first time, we…” She trails off, looking at Siff. He’s concerned, and confused, and clearly doesn’t know what Mira means by that, but you.

You remember. “Oh.”

When Siff died. When the rock fell, and the tear was a surprise and and and and and-

“Isa?” Their hand brushes against yours and your heart starts again. You shake it off and smile at him. They're still here. You can still-

Your hand moves without your say so, and you want to stop, you really really do - Siff doesn't like to be touched, or touch other people, or any of that! But you can't help the thought of, he touched you first, so this is okay. It's not selfish to ask for more than they would give you on their own, right? But your pinky hooks onto his fingers anyway, and he jumps. Like he always does, and you drop his hand like it's a hot potato, because you could never stand to make him uncomfortable. 

“Sorry, sorry!! Just um. Memories!” You laugh, and don't mean it at all. They frown, but nod, and step back away from you. Back to their comfort zone. The fondness hits you. He's so brave, to reach out like that when you clearly needed something - even something that he hates. “Thanks Siff.” You mean the smile, this time, and he nods, tucking into his cloak again.

There's a moment of silence and Odile clears her throat. “Right, so. No coin flips, and try to not get lost.” She casts a significant look your way, and it's not lost on you that yes, you will be having a talk with her to explain that whole thing, but that can be a little later. Once you're all done here. “Anything else?” She directs this to Siff.

They freeze at the combined attention, and shakily respond. “Ahmm, no? Those seem like good rules.” They grin to play it off, and you're going to let it slide. You haven't seen him loop, at least. You don't let yourself consider why that might be.

“Right. Now, what about Boniface?” The way the rest of you freeze, the thought hadn't even entered your minds. You look frantically between each other, trying to decide what to do, and Odile sighs. “I doubt Boniface is looping like we are. The question is, do we tell them?”

“No.” You jerk, and Mira jolts. Odile merely raises an eyebrow.

“And why not, Siffrin?” They are the most sure of themselves that you have seen this entire conversation. That doesn't mean he manages to meet Odile’s gaze.

“They're just a kid. If… if they don't remember, should we really make them?”

“There… has been some bad stuff, M'dame.” You mention cautiously. “Not… not really for kids stuff.”

“And again, I doubt they're looping the same way we are.” She turns to Mira. “They seemed… afraid, the last time. When you went back, it was like they hadn't ever seen it before. But you have gone back several times, haven't you?” Mira wrings her hands together, and nods. You nod too, because you've seen it, every time.

“Yeah, you're right there M'dame. It seems new to them, every time.”

“Then again, for someone Boniface's age, a sample size of five is not really telling, one way or the other.”

You're nodding along in agreement when you freeze. Mira frowns, and Siff looks at Odile concerned. She blinks. “What?”

“M'dame… there’s been more than five.”

She frowns at you, like you’re lying to her, and turns her sharp gaze on the others. Mira nods, and after a brief moment, Siff does too. Odile thinks that over - visibly so. After a time, she nods.

“Alright. I loop based on that coin flip, and apparently, I’ve missed some. As far as I’m aware, I have - in order - lost the flip twice, won once, another loss, and a win. So, what have I missed?”

You think back, and shake your head. “I’ve seen all of those.” Mira is frowning in thought, and then nods to herself.

“You won twice - before all that.” She offers.

Odile opens her book, and makes a few marks in it, writing quickly. She pauses. “The times that I’ve won the flip have felt more like dreams when I come back. Even this most recent one, where I knew I needed to pay attention. It’s clear now, of course, but when I first came back…” She trails off, and then shakes her head.

“We can come back to this later. Letting Boniface remain ignorant for now,” She emphasizes with a sharp look at the rest of you, “Will do no harm. But we will tell them, when we know more.”

You and Mira both nod. Siff remains reluctant, and says nothing.

“Now, in case of emergencies, I will be going and fetching my… lucky charm.” Odile makes a face even saying the words, but well. You are in a time loop, so anything goes? “Isabeau, come with me.” Crab. You were sort of hoping she’d forgotten. Too much to ask for, you suppose.

“Of course, m’dame!”

“I’ll be in front of the library, still, if any of you need me!” Mira offers, and darts off.

“Siff?” They smile at you and Odile, and wave you away.

“I wanted to look at the favor tree anyway. Sleep over tonight.” You chuckle, and nod, and follow Odile away.

She lets you be while she walks to a specific Dormont resident, and has a brief conversation. She tries to pay them, but they refuse, saying something about luck. She smiles, thanks them, and rejoins you. You smile at her. “What’s this about luck?” She smirks.

“Oh, just a little something to put the odds in our favor.” She shows you the coin, and it looks… normal? She chuckles when she spots your confusion, and turns the coin over. Wait, that’s- “Tails, on both sides. You like tails, don’t you?” You chuckle.

“I do.” She nods.

“Good. Just to make sure I don’t get… foggy with important things.” You nod seriously. “Now. Your turn, Isabeau.” You sigh, and close your eyes so you don’t have to meet her gaze.

Siff’s at the favor tree, which means the meadow is clear. You lead Odile there, and sit heavily in the grass, collapsing back to sprawl out. Odile sits next to you in that careful way of hers - you can practically hear her complaining about her knees already.

You both sit in silence, for a time, the day passing you by. A small break from the House. You take a deep breath, and sigh out a halfhearted laugh. “I’m pulling a real hat trick, aren’t I? Three, emotional conversations! All back to back!” Odile merely opens her book, and you’re glad for that space, as small as it is. As pointless as it is, it’s easier to talk about this when you can pretend it’s just you. She waits.

“Siff dies.” You don’t like how your voice said that. High, and warbling, and almost in tears. You don’t like how you can feel them prick at your eyes. Odile draws in a sharp breath, and you continue before she can because if you don’t the words will never leave. “Siff dies, and I see it - every time. I-” You swallow.

“I don’t want to tell them, because I don’t want them to have to remember it.” You whisper to the sun. “No… no one should ever have to know that.”

Odile, Change bless her, tries. She sets a hand to your shoulder and softens herself. “And you shouldn’t have to know it either, Isabeau. I… I can’t imagine what that’s like, to see…” She trails off.

“I died once.” You say, out of the clear. You shock yourself with it, and you shock her too. “I… I don’t know if I died first, or if Siff did, but… I still felt it. It was…” Awful, terrible, sticky, dizzying, any number of words. Odile is quiet, letting you speak.

“...rewinding is worse.”

“Rewinding?”

“Yeah. That’s, I mean - is that the right word? Unraveling, maybe.”

“Isabeau, if this is too much right now-”

“Oh it absolutely is, but… I still need to say it? Yeah. I have to say something or I might just lose it.”

…

“Alright… do you mind, if I take notes?” You shake your head, staring up at the clouds slowly scudding across the sky. You hear her move around, and when it’s been silent for a while again, you explain the feeling as best you can.

“I think I’m the last one, a lot of the time. And um. When I see Siff, like that, it’s like… it’s like my world’s falling apart? And then… it does. Like. Actually fall apart.” You close your eyes, and try to remember, to the sound of soft scratching on paper. “It starts with Siff. They go pale, and then transparent, and then they’re just gone. And sometimes, I’m looking out for you, or Mira, and Bonbon, only when I look for you all, you’re already gone. And then the House starts disappearing, like it never existed. A-and… then I get stretched, and squished, only nothing’s touching me? And I… unravel. It feels like I break in a million pieces, but only one by one, from the outside in.” You blink, and search for Odile’s gaze. “Does that make sense?”

She meets your gaze evenly. “Well… not truly. It sounds like a nightmare.”

You laugh despite yourself. “It feels like a nightmare. It doesn’t really… hurt? It’s just very unpleasant the whole time.”

She nods, and writes that down.

“And then… I wake up in front of the favor tree.” You end, somewhat anticlimactically.

She sits with you for a while, just being quiet together, and then she speaks.

“I want to be able to share something like that back to you, but, well. I suppose I’ve been lucky enough to not experience that.”

“I’m glad for it.” At least someone’s getting by mostly unscathed.

After another while, she sighs and stands, her joints creaking. “Come along, Isabeau. Let’s go see if Boniface needs help - we could both use a distraction.”

You chuckle, and stand up, brushing off grass. “Samosas again?”

“Probably. If we catch them early enough, maybe we can request something else.”

Now there’s a thought.

The pair of you head off.

Chapter Text

They know they know they know theyknowtheyknowtheyknow theyknowtheyknowtheyknow

THEY

K N O W

“Stardust!” You startle out of your spiral with a gasp. Loop.

Left the favor tree?

They’re standing out here.

With you.

In the open.

They k n   o     w

“Siffrin!” Your name in Loop’s voice - you snap back again, watching them. “Breathe, Stardust.”

You try. You do. They know you do. It still takes so, so long to feel like you’re actually getting air. And even when you do manage to breathe, staring at Loop looking back at you so calmly… all you can say is,

“They know.”

“I heard.”

“What- what do I do? They can’t know. ”

“Well they do, and I don’t think anything will change that, at this point.”

“They want to tell Bonnie!!!”

“I heard.”

“Loop!!!” They sigh, and lead the way to the favor tree - sitting in their spot. They wait for you, and, eventually, you join them, feeling… awful.

“One step at a time, Stardust.” You nod, you can do that. “I’ll even recap it for you!” 

You’d like that. 

“Alright. So! You’ve been looping in time. As best we know, you’re going back in order to manage to beat the King. You thought you were the only one looping. You were, apparently, wrong! Now, I know it feels like the end of the world, letting your friends in on the secret, but you didn’t even tell them! They already knew.” Allies.

You nod, because all of that is true.

“The Fighter’s suggested that the King is at fault for this little mishap, so your goal remains the same.” Loop closes their eyes happily at you - smiling without a mouth. “Get to the King without dying, and stop him!”

“...” They look at you curiously, and you refuse to meet their gaze.

They wait.

“Do you think…?”

“Stardust, if they don’t yet, they will soon.” You flinch. “I know you don’t want to hear that, but it’s the truth. It’d be pretty hard to hide something like that from them!”

“There’s still two paths to check on the third floor, though. What if-”

“Is there a point to worrying about it now?” Your jaw clicks shut and you reel backwards. You’re afforded a moment enough to gather yourself for a rejoinder. Loop cuts you off.

“Does it matter? They will find out, Stardust. One way or another, you can’t hide this from them.” Then, they take the weight out of their own statement, giggling gleefully behind their hand. “Unless you win the fifty fifty! Then they might not realize it!”

You hear the ‘but’ there. You ignore it. If you ignore it hard enough, it will stop existing, right? Right. Fifty fifty, to keep your secret. It’s not great.

“But, it’s also not terrible.” Loop chimes in. That’s… true. You make a face at them and they merely wink at you.

“So! Anything else I can help you with, on this wonderful new loop, Stardust?”

You think about it. Questions, questions… Oh!

“Should… should I tell them about you?” Loop seems shocked.

…

…

…

“Loop?” The expression is hard to read without a mouth, but it’s some kind of reluctant.

“I’m not sure how wise that is, Stardust.” Then they grin again, pointing out their following statement. “Besides! I’m not here to help them! I’m here to help you!”

Your brow knits in concern, and you go to speak when they cut you off again. “Oh, my turn!”

They raise a pointed eyebrow at you. “So, now that you know, and the Fighter knows… you could find out what he wants to tell you so bad!”

Oh! You hadn’t even thought about that! You wonder where Isa and Odile went off to. You want to get up and go find Isa immediately, but at the same time…

You’ve already been waiting a while, you can wait just a little longer, can’t you? It’s not like you don’t know where he will be. You smile to yourself, that’s a good plan.

“Well, best of luck Stardust!” You startle.

“Huh!?”

“You need to get a move on to find out - who knows where the Fighter’s gone off to at this point!” Oh. You smile.

“I can wait a little longer - it’s not like I won’t see Isa tonight.” Loop leans back, shocked again.

“But you’ve been waiting so long already!”

“And tomorrow we’ll go to the house, and go all the way up, and fight the King. This…” You didn’t realize it until you were about to say it, but it’s true. “...there will be time to talk with Isa later. There might not be time to be here with you, though…” Because they’re here to help you with the loops. What happens if the loop ends? Loop stares at you. You think they might not have thought of that either.

You laugh, and try to play off the vulnerability. “Unless you need some space!” They stare at you, and then snort.

“That was terrible.”

You shrug, and the grin comes over you. “Maybe, but it was a star-t.”

“Alright alright Stardust, you win! You can stay here a while, but if I hear one more bad pun, I’m putting you out on your asteroid.”

You laugh, and just… sit.

Quietly together.

It’s nice.

Soon, you’ll have to meet everyone else at the clocktower, but for now… For now it’s just you and Loop, beneath the favor tree.

“Thank you.”

“Any time.”

The five of you look down at the star crest resting in your palm. Fifty fifty. Odile is trying to logic out the answer, of course.

“Mirabelle, do you know which way to go?” It's worded carefully to avoid the curious child's attention. Mira shakes her head.

“The House has shifted - nothing is where it was before, and what with the thread in the way… I'm sorry, but I really don't know.”

Ah yes. The thread. On a whim, you'd approached it this time. You cast a sharp glance at Bonnie, and they flush, avoiding your gaze, but still poking at the star crest. At least it's not your knife. At least they didn't get hurt! You even got a little laugh out of them!

The thought makes you smile, and you tune back into the conversation happening over your heads.

“-a coin?” Isa suggests. He'd gone so dark when you asked him what it was he wanted to tell you. You'd worried he would pass out! But no, he just deflected again. Doesn't want you to worry about it, or be distracted by it, and you'd let it go. For now. You are going to find out though.

“No.” Odile's sharp voice cuts through your thoughts, and you startle, snapping back into the conversation again.

“Oh, right. Sorry.” Isa looks embarrassed, but you missed what about. Bonnie also seems confused. No one seems to think it was a very big deal, because they just move on.

“We could try to… toss someone over the tears? See which way is the right way?” The group sends a considering glance your way at Mira's suggestion.

“Me!?”

“Well you are small enough that it would likely work.” Odile smirks at you, and you stutter.

“But what if it's the wrong way!? How do I get back!????”

She frowns, and sighs. “You have a point, it's simply too risky. We'll just have to guess, or put it to a vote.”

You all settle on voting again, though you wonder why no one suggested flipping a coin. Oh well, you'll remember to suggest it next time.

Bonnie votes for the path across from the pottery classroom, and the rest of you breathe a silent sigh of relief. Mirabelle votes for the path closest to her room. Odile joins her. Isabeau teams up with Bonnie.

Team Nicknames and Team Bookclub turn their gaze on you, and you freeze.

“U-uh.”

“Well well well, here we are again, Siffrin.” Odile smirks. “Clearly, Team Bookclub is the correct choice.”

“Hey no fair!!! The Bookclub is girls only so Frin should pick Team Nicknames!”

“We are a very inclusive team.” Isabeau nods seriously.

“Siffrin can be an exception! Right M'dame?” Mira clasps her hands hopefully.

“Oh, of course. Siffrin could even be our test audience for new books.”

You make an embarrassing sound, but no one has time to comment on it before you stutter out, “H-horror books???”

“Well. Yes. But I suppose if we can make one exception we can make another.” Mira nods determinedly with a fire in her eyes.

Stars, this one is hard. There's consequences, here. No one minded playing up the team picking on the second floor, but all of you knew what the right answer was anyway!! Here? You have no idea.

And if you guess wrong…

“C-couldn't we just flip a coin?”

Odile stares flatly at you, her expression cursing you out with the fires of a thousand novas. Isabeau pipes up from your other side.

“Absolutely not! This is a matter of pride now, Siff.”

“Yeah!” Bonnie agrees. “And my pride says if you don't pick Team Nicknames, your nickname will be unvoked!”

“Revoked.” Odile corrects.

“Revoked!!!!”

You can feel the anxiety clawing up your throat. You can't even just pick the Age alliance because they're on separate teams now!!!!

You don't know what to do. Stars you hate feeling like this. You spit out the first thing that comes to mind.

“Team Bookclub?”

Bonnie stares at you for a second. Then, they say, completely calmly, “You have chosen death, Siffrin!” Oh…

“Noooooo, whatever has happened to my dear Siff? My Siffarooni?” Isabeau sobs, “Only Siffrin, for now and evermore!”

You duck your face down into the hem of your cloak.

“Yay, Bookclub!” Mirabelle cheers.

“Well done, Siffrin, now I think the first book on our list…” Odile trails off, the entire group goes quiet.

“Frinn, it's just a joke.” …is it? “Crab I called you your full name once and my tongue nearly fell off! Frin's much cooler!” They nod, assured.

“Yeah Siff, we're not serious.” Isabeau smiles at you, and you smile back even if it feels tight on your face.

“Right!” You chirp. “I knew that!”

You take the lead, and ignore ignore ignore the gazes burning into your back.

Down the hall, hang a left, and the set of tears near Mirabelle's room show themselves. Please please please please please please please be right.

You use the crest.

It leads you into a room with another door. You breathe a sigh of relief, and can hear it echoed behind you in three other voices.

“What is it!?” Bonnie demands.

“The right way.” You reply, smiling and leading on.

The high of success is gone pretty quickly, because that is Mirabelle's friend. Who saved her from the curse. She needs a second to compose herself, and only when she's ready do you approach the door.

It's locked.

You have no key. How do you blinding forget you have NO KEY- there's a note.

You take it. Read it.

“Siffrin?” Mirabelle asks, hesitantly. 

You open your mouth, but nothing comes out.

Isabeau takes the note from your hand, careful not to touch you. He reads it. His expression shutters. He shows it to Odile. Her own expression flattens. They both look at Mirabelle. She looks back at you all, concerned. But she's not stupid. You can see a hint of it in her eyes.

You don't want to see it at all, so you close yours.

“We're stuck. Aren't we?” Mirabelle asks. Silence. Then…

“Belle!?” Bonnie panics. Odile and Isabeau do their best to distract them, but you don't want to see this. Your gut gives an unsettling lurch.

…guess Loop was right.

You walk out of the room quietly, avoiding looking at anyone. Everyone's distracted, so it's easy to find a tear, and reach out.

You pause. Should you really be doing this?

But… you have to. There's no way forward, from here. You… you have to. There's not even a hope of ‘forward’ from here. The floors close behind you. You have to go back, to go forward. Stop hesitating. You know this.

It's just like going to sleep. You reach out.

“Siffrin, there you- WHAT ARE YOU-”

No way to snatch your hand back in time. Wide eyed, wild. That's how you feel when you turn - so so very slowly.

Oh, you think.

She looks scared.

You wake up in Dormont. You dreamt about silver coins.

Chapter Text

You're looking at your papers again. You sigh, and set them aside. You had them out in the first place to distract you from, well… everything.

But the longer this goes on the more… pointless? Is that the right word? It seems pointless.

You don't know what that note said, but you know it was nothing good - the way Isabeau nodded at you, you just… you close your eyes, and take a deep breath.

The sound of a door slamming startles you out of your reverie and you turn to see.

Oh crab.

You're not proud of your reaction, but well. You can only take the M'dame storming out of the shop so many times in a row. You hid behind your papers like that would change anything at all, but she strides right past you towards the meadow.

Oh crab.

You gather up your papers and sprint for the favor tree. You're not fast enough to avoid the inevitable.

You can't make out the words, but you can hear Odile shouting.

You shout for Isabeau as soon as you can. “Isabeau! Isa-” He meets you right near the sign, warm hands holding your shoulders.

“I know.”

You both nod at each other, and take off for the meadow. You can't hear what Siffrin's saying - if they're saying anything at all - but you can hear Odile just fine by now.

“Of all the shards- DO YOU REALIZE HOW YOU SOUND!?”

…

“THERE IS NOTHING FINE ABOUT ANY OF THIS, SIFFRIN!”

You don't hear the response. The two of you get to the meadow just in time to see the reaction.

Odile raises her hand. Siffrin flinches. 

Everything stops.

Odile’s hand goes to pinch the bridge of her nose.

There's an awkward silence where everyone just breathes.

“I shouldn't have done that. But this… Siffrin, you need to tell us something like this so we can help you.” Odile sounds pained.

Siffrin looks pained. “I didn't want you to worry…” He glances at you and Isabeau quickly before looking away. “I didn't want any of you to worry…”

Odile and Isabeau both look devastated. But this… you know this. “Siffrin…” You reach out, but hesitate to actually touch them. “We want to worry.” They startle, and stare at you like you're not speaking plain Vaugardian. You give him a sad smile. You may not know exactly what caused all of this, but you know it started with you going back. You take a deep breath, just like Siff does. “We don't want to be worried, but we want to worry.” They still look confused. “If we can't worry, how can we show you we care?”

That seems to click, realization spreading across his face, before the stubbornness sets in. “You shouldn't have to worry about this - there’s nothing you can do about it, and it's just hurting you for-” Their breath hitches. “For no reason.”

Odile seems taken aback. “Siffrin, you are reason enough! I want you to be safe . Not… not this.”

“I am safe! I'm perfectly fine! I have all my fingers and toes, and it's not like it's permanent!!!” …oh, you think. You know where this is going.

“Siff…” Isabeau closes his eyes, and swallows hard. “Just because you come back doesn't mean dying doesn't hurt you, or the people around you.”

Your expression pinches, but… he’s not wrong.

Siffrin doesn't reply, and doesn't meet any of your gazes.

And, just because he isn’t wrong, doesn’t mean it’s helpful here. You take a deep breath, just like Siffrin does. He tries to say something, you see it, but. Looking at Odile and Isabeau, you start to realize… maybe this isn’t the way to do things, either. Everyone’s hurt, and lashing out, even if they don’t really mean to. You swallow. Come on Mirabelle! You can be the leader here. You can. You just need…

You cast your gaze about, looking for… something. What it is, you're not sure, until you get the idea. “Siffrin?”

They look at you, but it's clear they don't want to be. You smile, and it's probably still sad, or pained, or something, but you're trying. “Let's go see if we can convince Bonnie to make fudge tonight.” Siffrin's eye lights up, and he takes the offered distraction eagerly, leading the way out of the meadow.

You share a determined look with Isabeau and Odile, and you can see how neither of them wants to let this go. You try to tell them with just your eyes that you’re not letting it go. Eventually, they nod. Isabeau mouths something about catching up. Oh! Yes, that's smart. You nod, and take over the Siffrin watch.

You have to run to catch up to them, but Siffrin’s waiting by the library for you. You slow down, and smile at him, and then look at your papers, abandoned there on the bench and sigh. You gather them up with Siffrin watching curiously, and sit on the bench.

“Mira?” You look up at them with a questioning hum. “...weren’t we going to go ask Bonnie about tonight?” Oh right!

You smile at him. “We are, I just thought that maybe you wanted to get out of there, first? Ah! I don’t mean like - running away or anything!” You panic. “I just mean that you looked like…” Like that, actually. Surprised, and shaken, and… definitely about to run away. You sigh. “Sorry, Siffrin.”

“It um… it’s okay?” It really isn’t, and both of you know it. You look at the cleared seat next to you, and then at Siffrin. They blink at you.

“Um. Sit with me?” Oh, there he goes. Okay, you can do this. You take another deep breath. The first step is with you.

“I’m sorry, Siffrin.” They jump, and you can see they want to speak, so you do first. You have to say this. “No, let me finish, please.” He closes his mouth, looking uncomfortable. And! You don’t want that! But… it’s not really something you can avoid? Not with this anyway. “I’m sorry if it felt like all of us were… attacking you, or ganging up on you, or just not listening to you. That’s not fair to you.” You look them straight in the eye. “And it’s not fair to us either, when you brush us off like that. When… when we’re worried about you, hearing that everything is fine is… It feels like maybe you don’t trust us? And I don’t know if that’s true or not, and if it is you can tell me to back off! But… if it isn’t true… I would really like it if you talked to us about it.”

You breathe, having managed to get all of that out without crying, though you certainly feel like you could cry at the drop of a hat right now! And maybe Siffrin doesn’t look much better either.

“And! It doesn’t have to be with me! If you don’t want to talk to me about it, you can talk to Isabeau, or M’Dame Odile, or- or Bonnie I guess? But! I really do think you should talk to some-”

“Mira.” Your mouth snaps shut almost against your will.

He takes his own deep breaths, and you follow along subconsciously. Once you’re both calmed down a little, they speak. “I… I do trust everyone. But… I don’t want to make you worry.”

You shake your head. “That’s not possible, Siffrin. We can’t care about you and not worry. That’s not how it works - with anyone! Not just you!” He looks confused again. You think about how to explain it.

“Like… like Bonnie! We all care about Bonnie. And even if nothing is really wrong, we still find reasons to worry. Like, did Bonnie eat lunch today?” Wait did they - you suddenly realize you don’t know. “We know that Bonnie’s not hurt, but we still wonder if they’re alright, even if we aren’t nearby.” At least Siffrin’s nodding along to the example.

“And, it’s the same with everyone else, too! And they don’t have to be big worries, but they always exist. Like, does M’Dame Odile know about uh… bonding earrings!” You both know she does, but for the sake of the example! “Because if she doesn’t, I think she’d find it interesting, you know? So I want to make sure I ask her so we can share that if she doesn’t know! And Isabeau! Does he know how much I care about him? I want to make sure he knows, so I like to just… check in, sometimes. And usually nothing is wrong, but if something is, he knows he can tell me about it!” You look at Siffrin and he looks back at you, and it seems like he understands? You’re not sure. “Does that make sense?”

They visibly think about it for a while, and then nod. “Like… I want you all to be happy, so… I make jokes?” You beam at him.

“Exactly!!!”

They smile at you, and then frown. “...but you won't be happy. About um. That.” An unnameable sadness wells up in you.

“No.” You tell him. “I won’t be happy to hear that you have to deal with… with dying, and knowing things people shouldn’t ever have to know. But… I know that without you telling me anything. And, I want to help you with it. I know I can’t fix it. But… if I can help you get it out, in the open… I want to.” They shift under your gaze, and you look away, letting him gather himself. You don’t expect him to speak.

“It’s… really okay, Mira.” You look at your hands, fisting in your dress. You let them speak. “It’s not okay. But it is? …I… I don’t want to... B-but the tears… It really is like falling asleep. And it’s… okay. Really.” You look up at him. They smile at you. “The dreams are a little weird, though.” He jokes a bit, and despite yourself you give a tiny laugh. Tension falls from them, like that’s what they needed to hear.

“Okay.” You say back, smiling. “Okay. But um!” The determination comes back again, and you clutch your hands in front of your chest, staring determinedly into Siffrin’s eye. He looks nervous, but not about-to-run nervous. Surprised nervous! “If that ever changes, you can tell us!” They get that smile they do when they're a little uncomfortable, but they nod and you nod back.

There's silence, for a while.

“So…” Siffrin starts. “Bonnie?”

You jump. “Crab! You're right, let’s go!”

The afternoon passes very quickly after that. Bonnie is easy to convince once Siffrin mentions the boulanger has pain au chocolat. A quick stop for some information, and you and Siffrin are deep in helping Bonnie stir and mix and cool. The clocktower's kitchen is busy and bustling, chatter between the three of you, and some laughter and groans.

At the end of the night, when Isabeau and Odile join you again, the hunted look in Siffrin’s eyes has vanished. You know it's not gone, but at least it's laid to rest, for now.

The three of you stare blankly when Odile asks if you made anything else for dinner. You didn't, you absolutely forgot. She sighs, and smiles something half indulgent and half worried.

“Just for tonight.” She says. 

“Thanks, ‘Dile!” Bonnie cheers.

You're all careful about how much sugar you have, taking your time to chew through the fudge.

The night comes, the sun rises, you set out for the House.

Siffrin leads the way, smoothly evading the Death Corridor trap, that really makes a bit more sense to you now. You took a psychology class once - trying to better understand why you liked horror books so much. You had learned some interesting things about pain, and negative reinforcement.

Siffrin is still forgetful. They forgot that coin flips are banned almost immediately after learning about them. 

But they don't forget this trap. Ever.

And maybe that says something, about how it feels, but they know they can talk about it, if they need to. And… maybe you’ll have to say that a few times for it to actually stick, but you’ve said it at least once and that’s a start!

Isabeau and Odile look at you, concerned, and you’re not sure what your face looks like right now, but you try to tell them with a smile that you’re okay. Maybe not perfect, and no one really is right now, but okay! They just nod at you. You hope that means they understood.

You continue through the house, and Siffrin doesn't forget where any of the keys are. Maybe it's just repetition, and maybe you're not so sure about that, but you don’t know what else it could be. You make sure to breathe.

Isabeau pulls you aside on the second floor, when Odile is helping Bonnie with a cookbook, and Siffrin is watching avidly. Siffrin glances over at the pair of you, and you give him a thumbs up - which, after a beat he returns - and then he goes back to the cookbook stuff helping distract Bonnie.

Isabeau leans against the wall just outside the doorway of the library. Luckily, the Sadness that lurks this hall hasn’t reformed just yet. There should be enough time to talk.

If only you knew what to talk about. Isabeau also stands in silence. You take a deep breath.

Isabeau’s started a lot of the hard talks recently. Your turn. “It’s…” There’s really no better way to say it than Siffrin did, actually. “It’s not okay, but it’s okay.”

Isabeau frowns, crossing his arms and waiting for you to explain.

“They told me about the tears. He said it really is like going to sleep.”

“And… you believe them?” The question shocks you, and staring at Isabeau… you can’t be sure if he’s doubting Siffrin or not.

“Yes, Isabeau. I do believe them.” You reach out, and gently take one of Isabeau’s hands from where he’s wrapped his arms around himself. You run your fingers over his knuckles. “He didn’t say anything about the rock. Maybe they were going to, but they didn’t. But he did say something and that’s better than nothing.”

He nods, and you're both quiet there together for a while. From inside the library, Bonnie exclaims something loud and vaguely frustrated, and you can hear Siffrin very carefully Not Laughing when they reply. You catch yourself and Isabeau smiling at the sound.

“Are you okay?” You ask him eventually.

He sighs loudly, slumping and looking up at the ceiling. “No. I… I told Odile too, but… it’s not fun, being the last one to go back. It doesn’t hurt … but it’s not comfortable. But… it’s okay. We’re going to get the key on this floor, and then we’ll be ready for the third floor.” He smiles at you, bright, proud, and eager. “And then, we’ll defeat the King!” You can’t help but beam back at him.

You both rejoin the others, and continue.

Siffrin pauses in the classroom, staring at the key for the third floor door for a while. The adults share concerned looks, and it ends up being Bonnie who nudges Siffrin out of the funk with a peach. He smiles, and eats the peach and makes some bad puns, and the mood lightens considerably.

The rest of the floor is simple, and soon it’s snack time again! You never get tired of the pineapple, and Isabeau likes to try the fish head every time - trying to get used to it, maybe? The Madame gets her madeleines and Siffrin joins her this time - maybe a little bored of the fish heads? You’re not sure.

Still, you all get to the third floor fine, and no one minds playing up the team split for voting on which path to use the tear on. Siffrin still stammers and panics at having to choose, but it’s all in good fun, and no one except maybe Bonnie really minds that he picks the right way.

They use the key from the second floor on the door, and you finally get to read that note, and… oh. That…

It’s hard to keep your smile after that, but everyone takes a bathroom break and you get a moment to compose yourself. Breathe, Mirabelle. You’re getting there.

The path dead ends at the only unbroken statue of the Change god you’ve seen.

Siffrin gets a knife.

The door to the king is opened.

You fight the Ring sadness, and proceed, rushing forward now.

You’re so close, so close.

Then… Claude.

You can’t possibly describe the pain you feel, seeing her like that. You want to help her, you don’t want to stop, you have to keep going keep going keep going, don’t get stuck, you’re almost there the King’s just ahead you can do this you can help her and help everyone - save everyone save Vaugarde save all of Vaugarde you’re right there he’s right there and he’s crying why is he crying he doesn’t deserve to cry for what he’s done how dare he regret it now of all times if he really regretted it he would take it back he would undo all of this you wouldn’t have to be the one to be chosen to be given this power that doesn’t even fully work because even if you’re moving you are stuck aren’t you the King is right ahead of you and if you mess up between now and then you will go right back to the start to those stupid crabbing papers that don’t even matter and all of those beautiful people who are just pictures on a page to you and the King is real your friends are real here and now is real until it isn’t because what if you mess up what if you don’t defeat the King then everyone will stay stuck like this frozen in time or looping in time and if you win if you win what happens then everyone’s saved and you’re talking you’ve been talking and it’s all too much why is this up to you you never asked for this why did she pick you

you

you!

You scream. It is about all you can do with this feeling.

Your friends try to help, but you forge ahead moving forward forward forward not stuck not stuck save Vaugarde you can do this-

Isabeau pulls you to a stop in the next room. “Mira, wait. ”

“I CAN’T WAIT! I have to- have to!” His hands are warm on your shoulders.

“Breathe with me.” He says, a warm smile on his face. “Like Siff does!”

Like… like Siff does. Okay.

Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiin

…

Ooooooooooooouuuuut

…

You repeat the breathing until you feel like you aren’t about to shake out of your skin. Slowly, quickly, snappish and regretting it, the story is pulled from you.

You don’t know why the Head Housemaiden picked you.

When Siffrin asks if you doubt her choice, though…

You can’t say anything. Because for all that you feel like you were not the right choice, she did choose you. And you look up to her so much. You want to believe that she would never make a mistake like that, and yet… you feel like you are a mistake, here.

But Odile… She makes a good point.

Mistake, or not, you are the one that’s here.

Not any other Housemaiden. Just you.

Just Mirabelle.

Just Mirabelle, and your friends. And that… that has to be enough. You take another deep breath, and nod.

And then M’Dame Odile’s tummy rumbles and Bonnie takes over snack time. It gets a little giggle from you.

Siffrin’s uncharacteristic overreaction to some… malanga fritters? Gets a proper laugh out of everyone. Bonnie is thrilled, and Siffrin looks like he’s the cat with every canary they could possibly want.

You take some deep breaths, and keep your fingers out of your mouth. Eventually, everyone is ready.

It’s time to face the King. You can do this.

When you see him, you’re sure. You can do this!

You say the words you’ve had in your mind for longer than two days. The King is unrepentant, trying to sway you to his side of things! You refuse to be swayed by crocodile tears.

Then, a shiver runs right up your spine when the King stares you down, and calls out the traveler. A moment of confusion, looking at Odile and Siffrin, because which of them does the King mean???

“Bright one.” Ah, Siffrin then. The sense of dread does not leave you.

“Do you remember?” Asks the King.

Siffrin, dear startled Siffrin asks, “Remember what?”

“So you don’t.” The King says. “We will do battle then. The Universe will choose the victor!”

The fight begins. The King offers a platitude about mercy. You nearly scoff.

Everyone puts their best foot forward, Isabeau helping you all defend, Siffrin striking true, Odile and you starting to stack up a jackpot.

The King strikes.

It only takes one strike to put all of you on the ground, too weak, hurting too badly to continue the fight.

Someone croaks for Bonnie to run. You hear their feet patter off and away.

Your body resists moving, but you manage to see everyone. They are in no better shape than you. Breathing hurts. But you’re all alive, still. You can-!

“Bright one.” The King speaks, and has the attention of everyone. None of you can stand, though you’ve tried. There is no continuing the fight. The King speaks to Siffrin. “What do you see, as you lay there dying?” Wha- what is he trying-? Does it matter!?

“...the ceiling?” Siffrin offers, in that voice they get when they’re not trying to make a joke, but what they’ve said is unintentionally funny regardless. Isabeau, struggling to breath like the rest of you, still manages to laugh. Siffrin laughs back, breathless.

The King is not so amused.

He strikes. You do not see it land.

Chapter Text

You gag, your grip tightens beyond your conscious thought, papers shred in your hands.

Your head swims, your eyes cross.

You feel ill. Gasping for air, your eyes snap open.

Siffrin! The King!!

Siffrin!!!!

You stumble to your feet, and pay no mind to the concerned calls of Dormont residents. You stagger towards the meadow.

You gag, and your knees give out from beneath you.

You hit the wooden flooring hard, scraping your hands to keep yourself from shattering your own glasses. The shopkeeper shouts in concern and comes to your aid, helping you to your feet.

You sway anyway. Your stomach lurches. You feel ill.

The King… one strike. A-and then-

Siffrin.

You need to know they’re alright.

You shake the shopkeeper off you, ignoring them and heading for the meadow.

You need to be sure.

You gasp, and cover your nose “Aughgh!”

Who’s burning sugar? That’s not how you caramelize things! The smell makes you feel sick, and you decide to stop leaning on the fence.

You go to the clocktower, and no one’s here yet, but the smell’s followed you. You dig out the pineapple you were going to use for snacks tomorrow, and have some now - just to get rid of the stench.

Something feels… off. You still feel sick, the smell is still lingering, and you feel…

You feel like you forgot something important.

Like deja vu! Deja vu about… running? Did you dream you were late to something?

Your head hurts. You have some water, and some more pineapple slices, and get started on dinner.

You’re thinking… not samosas.

Something with cheese.

You get started.

You gag, and stumble back against the rock. Breathing hard like you were just running.

You feel sick - for multiple reasons.

What? What was that? That wasn’t… that wasn’t unwinding, it wasn’t snapping back, it wasn’t- wasn’t anything normal. 

You’re thinking about that because it’s easier than thinking about the King raising his fist and-

Siff’s fine. He is. Just breathe, Isabeau. Just…

You might be sick.

No, it’s okay. Breathe.

You get off the rock. Need to see them. Have to make sure.

You head for the meadow.

You watch the Fighter leave.

You don’t know how things got this… twisted. You feel a little light headed yourself after that one, but it will pass. You breathe, and wait.

Things are changing. That’s terrifying.

But maybe, it can be good.

You settle more firmly against the trunk of the favor tree. Just wait.

The King raises his fist.

And in that split moment, you know you’re just first.

The others will be next.

You can hardly breathe as it is, so the sudden stabbing pain doesn’t get your scream. It’s like someone’s taken a fishhook to your gut.

No.

A harpoon.

You feel like you’re being stabbed. The King’s fist comes down. The crushing is no better the second time as it was the first.

The harpoon rips out.

Your eyes snap open, and you’re immediately gagging even as your body is catching up with the pain, every piece of you screaming.

But you can’t scream, the most you can do is flop to your side and gag, gag, gag, something too sour too sweet too warm trying to come up.

Nothing does.

You curl around yourself, trying to breathe through the storm inside you.

You’re not strong enough.

You pass out.

Chapter Text

You meet M'dame Odile and Mirabelle at the bridge. None of you are moving very fast. You wonder if they feel ill too, but everyone’s focused on one thing right now.

You know Siff’s alright. He has to be. That’s how the loops work, everyone comes back and you’re fine again!

You ignore how you feel the exact opposite of fine right now, and all of you make your way into the meadow together. You offer a stabilizing hand for the M’dame if she needs one, but you’re all doing… better. Ever so slightly.

Your illness is entirely forgotten when you see Siff curled on their side - not moving.

“Siff!” The others are right behind you, and your calls for the rogue go unanswered. You make the decision yourself, scooping him up in your arms without much thought.

Odile and Mira work quickly, healing craft going off as Odile searches their pulse and checks their forehead.

“Unconscious.” Is Odile’s assessment, and Mira nods.

“He’s not hurt though.” Mira reassures you. “There was nothing to heal, so… so this is temporary. They’ll wake up soon.”

She sets her hands on yours and that’s when you realize you’re shaking. You take a few deep breaths - helped by the fact that now you’re looking for it you can feel Siff’s breathing too.

“Let’s… let’s get to the clocktower. He needs to lay down, right?” You ask.

Odile nods, and her hands hover as you get to your feet with your too-light armful. You do sway, just a bit - your own condition catching up to you now that you can spare it half a thought. A few more deep breaths, and you’re walking out of the meadow.

Mirabelle runs interference with the townspeople, reassuring them that yes, we’re alright, everything will be okay, there was just a bit of a… scare.

Odile helps you get Siffrin across the broken bridge, and Mira catches up with you.

Walking into the clocktower, you’re all met with the sounds of food preparations.

You freeze. M’dame Odile seems confused as to why for a moment, but Mirabelle - change you love that woman - is already on it, bustling into the kitchen. You wait until you can hear her and Bonnie talking, and Bonnie sounds very concerned, but it’s better than them seeing Siff like this without warning.

Mira reappears shortly and nods, and with some relief you can go into the room next to the kitchen and set Siff down on the couch there. You frown, and go to sit next to them, but Odile stops you with a hand, and sends you into the kitchen. Which is… probably smart? You’re worried to death, but sitting and stewing in it won’t help Siff.

You can help Bonnie, though.

You step into the kitchen and try to stick a grin on your face, and be playful and everything that Bonnie might need - and it goes out the window almost immediately. “Uh, Bonbon? What’re you making?”

They scowl at you, and knead the dough again. “ Pizza, ‘Za! You know what pizza is! You and Mira both!!! So why’re you looking at me like that!?” And you look at Mira and she also seems… amused? Concerned? Definitely off center, because, well…

“But you hate cheese?”

They stick their chin in the air and reply in their adorably snooty way. “And my sister says you gotta eat the things you don’t like sometimes to grow big and strong and I’m gonna be bigger and stronger than you one day!” They look back down at the dough, and go a little quiet. “Besides… Frin likes cheese.” You think you may have made a sound at that. Mirabelle definitely did. Bonnie quickly covers for themselves, nearly snapping at you both, but it’s all fluff. They don’t mean it. “A-And anyway! A pizza’s only like!! One fourth cheese anyway!!!!!!”

“Right you are, Bonbon.” The grin is easy, now. Nothing is perfect. And you can see Siff is still passed out on the couch, if you look through the door. But Bonnie and Mira are here, and you punch your palm. Let’s go Isabeau! “Alright! What can I help with?”

Bonnie sets you and Mira to work, and you chatter, and throw flour at each other, and get tomato sauce in more places than it should be, but the pizza is made. Bonnie decorates it with: pineapple and ham on one quarter, pineapple and pepperoni on another quarter, then olives and mushrooms, and finally mushrooms and sausage. The remainder of the pineapple is sliced for snacks tomorrow, because of course, pineapple is amazing.

It’s about when you can start smelling the cheese cooking that Siffrin wakes up. None of you notice it, still bickering about the proper distribution of ingredients. M’dame Odile’s muttering is the only tip off, and when you look over… “Siff!”

They jump, because anyone would when they suddenly have a faceful of a child, a housemaiden and a defender.

“Are you okay!?” You burst out because it’s been sitting in your throat for what feels like days at this point. “I was so worried, I- the King! And you-!” And Siff’s eye has gotten very very wide, and he’s shaking his head, but you can’t - you HAVE to talk about this! You can’t keep quiet, can’t keep doing this, you NEED to talk about it, about Siff dying and being OKAY with dying and making you- “Siff! We have to talk about this, it’s not okay, I don’t want you to- to keep doing this, or- or feel like you need to, or something but you have to stop!” They look pale, and they’re shivering, and you don’t want to scare them, but!

You look at Mira, seeking back up, but. She’s covered her mouth, staring at you in wide eyed horror, utterly silent. And that’s not-!

Your head snaps around for Odile, steady, logical Odile! She’ll be on your side about this, she has to be! Except… she has this look on her face, like you’re the fool among fools, and when she registers your gaze, she just… pinches the bridge of her nose and sighs. And that hurts, because she’s been here for you through all of- all of this crabbing disaster! You lean back, looking at the three of them, and you know the hurt is plain on your face, but you can’t hide it, and just when you gather yourself enough to try and say something-

“What did Frin do?”

Oh.

That makes much more sense actually.

The fact that you freeze up like you just got caught at something does not deter Bonnie in the slightest.

“‘Za!!! What did Frin do!?” They demand to know, and you can’t really do anything but stare silently.

“Well.” M’dame Odile apparently does still have your back about this, because she interjects with calm cool logic. “Seeing as the cat is already out of the bag, we may as well tell them.”

Siif sulks at that, grumbling unhappy nonsense into the collar of his cloak, while Mirabelle gives an embarrassed chuckle. Your face is burning, but well. You did kind of let the cat out of the bag, didn’t you?

“TELL ME WHAT!” Bonnie demands.

“S-sorry Bonbon, we uh. Didn’t want to worry you…?” They stare at you like you’re stupid and you really feel like you are, right now.

“‘Za.” They say. “That’s dumb.”

You can’t meet their gaze, an awkward smile on your face, hugging yourself.

“I was already worried anyway.” Bonnie says, and you swear you can hear everyone’s hearts crack at that. You tuck your chin, smile falling away, and the others also fall into their thoughts.

“But um. My sister says you should talk about what you’re worried about, so you can get help.” Bonnie continues, looking at all of you. “S-so… you should just tell me the thing!”

You freeze. Absolutely not. And they read you like a cookbook. “‘Za!!!!!! Tell me the thing!!!”

You can’t. You can’t do that. “No, Bonbon. It’s… it’s adult stuff. You’re not allowed.”

They are offended, but Mirabell and Odile back you up on this.

“Yes! Isabeau’s right, it’s not for you, Bonnie.”

“Not that part of things, certainly.”

Bonnie stares at all of you, and then turns their earnest gaze on Siffrin. “Frin. Can I know?”

And Siffrin meets Bonnie’s gaze, and you know Siff knows what you meant, but they still manage to smile at Bonnie and shake their head.

“Oh.” Bonnie looks him dead in the eye, and… settles? “Ooooooooooooh! Okay.”

“Why did it take Siffrin telling you for you to realize?” Odile asks, confused and maybe a bit amused about the exchange. 

Bonnie has no mercy “Oh, sometimes Frin lets me do things when you all tell me no. But if Frin says it’s not allowed, then it’s really not allowed.” 

“Siffrin!” Mira shouts. Siff gets a startled look on their face. “What the CRAB did you let Bonnie do when we said no!!!”

“He let me drink some vodka once!” Bonnie volunteers. The startled look upgrades into panic. 

“HUH?!?”

“WHAT?!?”

“SIFFRIN!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“I don’t really get why Odile likes it though. It tasted just like boring water.”

“…”

“…”

“……”

Okay you feel a little bad about it. And also… “Sorry. That sounds like an amazing practical joke to play on a kid, actually.”

Siff gets a pleased little grin on their face at that. The moment stretches out into silence just for a bit.

“Right, well. Aside from questionable jokes and allowing or not, there is something we can tell you about it, Boniface.”

They perk up. “There is?”

“Yes.” Odile meets all of your eyes. You and Mira nod firmly. Time to tell the kid. Siff still doesn’t agree, it seems like, but well. Majority rules.

“We’re in a time loop, Boniface. We didn’t want to tell you, because it didn’t seem like you remembered previous loops, and we didn’t want to worry you if you didn’t.” Bonnie’s frowning in concentration.

“What’s a time loop?”

“Ah…” Odile is surprised, but she finds the words to explain fairly quickly. “It’s where you repeat the same day.”

“Oh! So like if you went to school on Monday and then the next day was still Monday!?” Mira giggles.

“Yes, kind of like that, Bonnie.”

“Do you remember?” Siffrin asks, tucked into the collar of their cloak. Your breath catches, and concerned now, you look at Bonnie too. They think it over.

“Um… I don’t think so?”

“How about you walk us through your day today, and we’ll see if we can figure anything out?” You offer. Odile nods, because that’s as sound a solution as can be made.

“Okay.” Bonnie agrees, and puffs their cheeks to think about it. “Okay! So! We woke up on the road, and got to town like. Mid-morning!” You nod along, because you remember this. “And we all said we’d meet up here for dinner, and then we split up!” Mira nods and blushes - probably because of the idea of the sleepover. “And I went to the fields, and helped the blind one with some weeding and they said they’d let me take whatever veggies I wanted! And then…” They pause there, and Odile raises an eyebrow. “And then I was taking a break, on the fence… and then I smelled something bad. Like someone burnt sugar!” Siffrin jerks at that, head coming out of turtle mode and watching Bonnie wide eyed.

“Burnt sugar?” Odile asks.

“Yeah, and it was really weird cause I could smell it, but there wasn’t anyone cooking nearby?” They rub at their head, eyes screwed up in confusion.

“Okay, but what happened after that?”

“Um… I came here, the smell followed me? And I had some pineapple, and some water.” They pause again. “And I was… running? Maybe??? I don’t know.”

You know all of your hearts just stopped for a second. Odile recovers first. “Running?” She asks.

“Huh?” They look at her, confused.

“You said you were running?” And Bonnie shakes their head.

“I think I dreamed that.” Odile’s eyebrows rise considerably.

“A dream, or like you were forgetting something important?”

Bonnie perks up and grins. “Yeah, that’s it! I forgot something! …about running??? I know how to run!” And they’re confused again.

Odile huffs a laugh and plants her hand on their hat, ruffling it on their head - Bonnie squawks their disapproval, but doesn’t actually try all that hard to get her to stop. You sit up a bit straighter, because Odile’s figured something out. “What is it, M’dame?”

“I mentioned before that when I win my coin flip things get foggy. And Mirabelle recalls me winning two coin flips before I ever lost - two coin flips I don’t remember at all.” She smiles down at Bonnie. “Which means that dear Boniface is not looping the same way the rest of us are.”

You breathe a sigh of relief and you hear it echoed by Mira and Siff. Bonnie pouts. “That’s not fair!!!”

“Well, no…” You start. “But it’s safer for you.”

“But I want to remember!”

“And, you might.” Odile becomes a bit more serious. “However, that shouldn’t be necessary.”

“What!!! But I want to help!”

“You do help, Bonbon! Your snacks are the best, and the pizza’s gonna be so good!” You enthuse, and see Siffrin perk up at the mere mention of pizza.

They cross their arms and pout like anything else. “B-besides! No one else is looping the same way either, Bonnie!” Mira tries to cheer them up.

Odile nods. “Exactly - we all loop based on what we asked the favor tree for.” You blush, recalling that particular conversation. But you take a deep breath. You will. When the loops are over.

Bonnie brightens too. “Really!?”

Odile smiles. “Yes - if I don’t win the coin flip I asked for, I ‘restart school.’”

…Bonnie’s face falls. You panic and reach out. “Bonbon? What’s wrong?”

“‘Dile remembers when she doesn’t get what she wanted… I- I should remember. Shouldn’t I?” They look at you with big eyes and you offer a hug. They burrow into your gut and hold tight. “My sister’s not safe - I should remember!!!”

Your heart breaks, and you. You have to find the words for this. Right now. “Bonbon… it’s okay. Your sister will be safe soon. We can do it this time!” You meet Mira’s eyes and the fire in your heart matches the one in her eyes. She nods.

“Yes! Isabeau’s right. We were surprised, but we know better now, and it won't happen again. I promise Bonnie, we will save your sister.” They nod into your gut.

You take a second to check in on the rest of the group. Siffrin looks uncomfortable, and Odile looks like she’s thinking. “Alright. That’s a lot of stuff to talk about, so how about we just take it easy for a bit, yeah? Besides, pizza won't be done for a while, right Bonbon? We still have to add peppers and corn and fish to it!”

They pull their face back from the hug, giving you a disgusted look. “Those don’t go on pizza together!”

You feign surprise. “They don’t!?”

“NO!!!” Bonnie starts on a rant about proper pizza making procedures, and you make eye contact with Siff. You glance at the door, and the tension melts off them immediately. He smiles at you, and you can feel your heart flutter, and then he’s gone. Out the door.

Everyone could use some time to calm down. And Siffrin and Odile do that best alone - uninterrupted.

You won’t intrude on that. Besides, it’s not like Siff won’t come back later tonight. There’s pizza to be had!

You laugh at Bonnie’s antics, and the three of you get back to cooking.

Chapter Text

You breathe.

Bonnie doesn’t remember. Good. You don’t want them to ever remember- don’t think about it.

You need to talk to Loop.

Luckily, everyone else is occupied in the clocktower. And you’ll meet later for the sleepover, of course but right now.

Right now you can’t be there. Not even a little bit. Just the thought of Bonnie- no, no no, it’s fine. Just… get to Loop.

They wait for you under the favor tree, like always. “Stardust! Missed you last loop- you didn’t forget about little old me, did you?” They cover where a mouth should be coyly, and you squint. Ew.

Last loop though? Last loop you… oh. You think you might be sick, and Loop just looks at you with this- this knowing in their eyes. You look away.

Loop lets the silence continue on for an awkward amount of time. “Well! At least it’s over with! You won’t ever have to do that again- isn’t that nice?”

You make a face at that and take a deep breath. They’re trying to annoy you, you think.

“So, how can I help you on this wonderful new loop, Stardust?” They ask, and you relax into the routine of it, even if you didn’t manage to come by last time.

“Um, the King, and that attack…” It was so powerful, it just. Destroyed you all. And you know, you know everyone needs to beat him this time, but how do you survive that?

“It is a nasty thing, isn’t it? Maybe you could find a way to guard against it?” Loop suggests.

“Like a shield?”

“That could do it!” 

Hm, but where to find that… maybe the townsfolk know something? You remind yourself to check that out before the pizza party tonight.

Okay, so find a shield, and then the King’s gone, easy as that. But… “Loop…”

They look at you calmly. You open your mouth to ask about- about that feeling you had, but. You can’t do it. Besides, you reassure yourself, it’s not like it matters what that was, does it? You’ll beat the King this time, and the loops will be over.

The loops will be over. You find your words again.

“Thank you.”

Loop looks shocked, then their expression goes pinched. “...for what, Stardust?”

You blink, not sure yourself why you said that, at first. “Uh… for… being here?” Yeah - yeah that sounds right. You nod to yourself, and to them. “It… it’s really nice, knowing that you’re here to help. And um.” Oh- you suddenly know what to talk about, now.

“I want to know how I can help you.”

Loop’s eyes are so wide, the edges of them rippling like a disturbed pond. “Help… me?”

You nod. They look away, their expression pinching again. “I’m not sure you can, Stardust.” They put on a smile, eyes squinting shut at you. “I’m not sure what would even happen to me! Maybe nothing!” You tuck your chin into the collar of your cloak, unable to stop the thought. Maybe everything. Maybe nothing good. Maybe just… gone forever. And sure, you haven’t known Loop that long - not anywhere near as long as the others!

But…

But sometimes, it feels like you do. Know them, you mean.

And it wouldn’t be fair, if you got out of these loops only to leave them behind. Because it’s not just you and your allies stuck here. Loop’s here too.

“Stardust, is there any reason to worry about it, right now?”

You jerk up, staring at them. “Of course there is! This is it, Loop, this is the last loop! If I don’t figure this out now I may not have a chance to before-!”

They laugh at you. “Aw, Stardust! You really do care about little old me! Teehee!!!” You are offended. Firstly, ew, emotions, and secondly-! “Relax, Stardust.” They say in a perfectly calm tone. They smile at you, and it seems more honest, this time. “I’ll be fine - just worry about you and your friends, alright?”

Oh. The conversation you had with Mira comes back to you just then, and suddenly it makes perfect sense. You’re a blinding fool, aren’t you? You give Loop a soft smile. “Okay.”

“Anything else?” They ask, and you consider it. Let’s see - oh! You almost forgot with everything that happened the last couple loops, but…

“Bonnie doesn’t remember…” You start. 

“A good thing.” Loop nods.

“But there was that book they looked at, on the third floor…” You’re so curious about it, but you can’t try and look at it on the third floor because that’s the wrong way to go.

“Maybe there’s another copy somewhere else in the House?” Loop suggests, and that - that’s true, you haven’t looked at every book in the house. You nod thoughtfully.

Let’s see, was there anything else you wanted to ask, on this last loop? You tick your fingers beneath your cloak. Shield, book, weird loop but that doesn’t matter, um… you think that’s it!

You shake your head to Loop’s questioning look, and stand to go ask around about a shield.

“Oh, Stardust!” Loop calls, and you pause, looking back. Loop grins at you. “Don’t forget - you’re allergic to pineapple!” Your confusion must be obvious because they continue. “Your Researcher thinks the kid might start to remember some things! It would be really upsetting if something like that was the first loop they remember!”

Something like…? “How do you know I’m allergic?”

“I know.” They assert confidently. Their eyes flick open and pin you in place - they answer the question like you’d already asked it. “And you’re very allergic. You’d just die!” They laugh at you again. “So don’t forget! No pineapple for you!”

The fact that you want to test that - just to see if Loop’s right - is.

Not something you want to think about, actually!!!

So you just nod, and turn back to town.

You wander around, talking to the townsfolk again, and you stop by the library as well. Everyone you speak to is very chipper, and wishes you well, and you squirm uncomfortably with all the attention. At least the librarian is normal!

You ask about how to craft a shield, and what they say in response is. Oh.

You’re going to lose it, you think!

Instead of doing that, you go to the fishing one, and accept the invitation to try it. You need to calm down, and fishing, and catching nothing is a good way to do that. You focus on your breathing.

In for four, hold for four, out for four. Four four four.

The rock trap.

The Head Housemaiden’s key.

The crying key.

And now, the secret blinding library in the house.

Ha ha ha!

You’re… terrible.

You’re terrible at your job.

Can’t find a blinding switch, can’t find some blinding keys, can’t find a secret library that could have important information you need to know!!!

You pack up the fishing supplies and return them to the fishing one with your thanks and a fake smile that no one knows isn’t real. On the way back to the clocktower, you veer suddenly off course. You ask the artist for something to take with you, and smile at the picture they make for you. You love it. Then, you stop inside the flower shop, and you don’t ask for one, but you’re given a free flower anyway.

You head back to the favor tree.

You offer the flower to Loop.

They scowl at you. “I’ve told you before Stardust, I don’t want your blinding flower.” You don’t let it deter you.

“Please?”

“...”

“...”

“Fine.” !!!

You’re a little surprised they agreed so easily, this time, but well. This might be the last time you see them. And you want them to know they’re important to you. You drop the flower into their palm. They look at it quietly and don’t say anything.

That’s okay. You understand.

You smile, and go to catch up with the pizza party.

Chapter Text

You step away from the pizza shenanigans, and spot Siffrin slipping out of the clocktower door. That’s fine.

You all could use a breather. Isabeau is a bright man - good with emotions where you and Siffrin both struggle with them. It’s good he’s here.

It’s not good that he’s struggling to deal with what he’s seen. But this has not been a picnic for any of you.

You sit on the couch, and crack open your book, and just. Think.

Between Isabeau and Mirabelle having seen… things. Siffrin’s own lack of a blowup about the things that have happened to them, and your own inability to guide these young ones through those things.

No one is having fun. But as long as you keep an eye on things, you can keep it from becoming destructive. Isabeau needs to talk to Siffrin about things, clearly. Mirabelle… she’s holding up well, but it hasn’t escaped you that the loops you don’t recall are also ones that Isabeau and Siffrin only know part of.

You visualize the pain that gives you onto the page of the book. You can do something about it, and you will, but first you need to set everything out where you can see it. Organize your thoughts and feelings. You turn the page away from your grief, and move on to the next.

What else is there, what else do you need to do?

You need to get your good luck charm back. You can likely find them tomorrow, before you leave. You still need supplies, too. You glance up at the trio in the kitchen and judge off the sounds…

Supplies should be handled. There was enough to make pizza on a whim, food is certainly covered - the leftovers will be snacks for tomorrow, of course. The only thing you could possibly need would be tonics and such, but the House is plentiful in those. You’ll simply have to be thorough this time through.

The plan forms around you, and the surety of it eases something in you. You know what you’re looking for, and you know where to look for it.

Now that you’ve prepared yourself, it’s time to tackle the hardest parts of your plan.

“Boniface?” They look up from pizza making - why they all decided that more than one pizza was necessary you don’t know, but Boniface is a mess, flour on their nose and in their hair. The fondness wells up again, and you are again so grateful that they got away. That nothing happened to them, even if the rest of you… no use dwelling on it. “Might I borrow Mirabelle for a bit?”

“Oh!” She sounds surprised, and Boniface looks between her and Isabeau.

“Sure ‘Dile! Me and ‘Za can handle it! I won’t let him make a gross pizza, either.”

“Hey.” Isabeau feigns hurt, and you smirk.

“Oh good, we do need someone to keep an eye on that.”

“Hey!” You chuckle, and stand from the couch, bones readjusting as you do.

“Mirabelle?”

“Oh, right!” She trots to catch up to you, and you slow down so she doesn’t have to match your stride. You head towards the rooms, and settle down on the bed that’s been yours for loops now.

She sits on her bed across from you, and she works her hands into her skirts. You… don’t know how to start, now that you’re here. But you can always try.

“I wanted to ask how you’re doing, Mirabelle.”

“Wha- Me!? I’m alright, I’m just worried about Isabeau and Siffrin! They’ve just been so-”

“Mirabelle.” She squeaks when you cut her off, and the sound is adorable, but you keep focused on the goal here. “I know I’m not the most emotional woman, but I’m not blind either. You remember things that I don’t. That Siffrin, and Isabeau don’t.” Her expression sours, hands clasped tight in her lap as she looks away. “I… I wanted you to know that I’m here. If you want to talk.”

You can see her jaw tick. You can see her thinking, brow furrowing and finally she slumps with a sigh. You hope. And Mirabelle doesn’t disappoint. “You’re right…” She covers her face and slumps forward propping her elbows on her knees and it’s so unlike her that it takes you aback for a second. “You’re right, I should be taking my own advice, but…” She laughs, and it sounds like she’s crying.

“I can’t talk to Siffrin about them dying, and I can’t talk about it with Isabeau either, so I just-!”

You breathe. “And you didn’t want to approach me?”

Her hands curl up, taking up less space and she doesn’t meet your eyes. That would be a yes.

“Can I ask why?”

“Ah!” She jumps. “I-It’s just! It’s really not that impor-” You raise an eyebrow and she trails off, embarrassed. “It… it is important, I just… you were helping Isabeau, and it’s not fair to you?” It sounds like she’s trying to find an answer after the fact. She does sound more sure of it the more she continues. “It’s not fair to ask you to help us both, and Isabeau’s having a harder time with it. I’m… I’m not okay, but I’m managing?” She gives a nervous laugh. “It’s easier when I can just look over! And they’re right there!”

You look away, and consider a few things. You know you both share a common interest in books, so… “A bit like a book, isn’t it?” She looks confused. You offer a small smirk. “When you’re reading it’s as real as being there. But when you look up you can tell it’s not…” You trail off. “Sorry, that analogy got away from me.” It doesn’t fit - it’s definitely not the same, and things that happen in a loop are as real as anything else. And trying to say they aren’t is a bad idea.

“No, no! I think I get it! It’s… not a perfect fit, sure, but it makes sense!” Oh. Oh good. She smiles at you. “Thank you Odile. And- I’m sorry you don’t remember. AH! Not like! I mean!!!” 

You hold a hand up, smiling honestly now. “I know that’s not how you meant it. I’ll admit to being… frustrated, that I can’t remember that at all.” Not even a hint. Not even a lingering memory. Something about that thought scratches at you, and you snap open your book to note the thought for later. Mirabelle waits patiently, and when you set the book aside, you look at her. “I wish I was able to help you with it, at least. So that you wouldn’t be alone with it.”

She falls silent, and still. “It…” She swallows. “It wasn’t okay. No one was okay. S-Siffrin was-” Her breathing hitches, and you reach out, offering your hand. She clutches your hand and shakily breathes before she continues. “Siffrin was gone. And Isabeau was gone. And… we tried. We tried to get Isabeau to- to snap out of it. We didn’t… we didn’t know he was looping, then. But we tried. And Bonnie… they were so brave and I just want to hug them tight and tell them that. But- I don’t want them to ask me why…” She’s crying, but it’s the silent kind. They just build up in her eyes and spill over, and she doesn’t try to wipe them away. “It’s… easier, to not think about it. To- to think about my papers, or the King or the House, and just… ignore it. And I know that’s not okay-”

“Mirabelle.” She looks up at you, startled. “It is okay.” She goes to object but you cut her off. “We are still in this… mess. It’s a stressful situation. It’s normal, and okay for your brain to try and protect you from these things. Especially when we’re still not safe. For now, this response is okay. It makes sense. But once we solve this, we’re all going to need to talk about it. Okay?”

She gives a breath of a laugh and a teary smile. She wipes at her eyes and nods, giving your hand a squeeze. “Okay.”

You smile, glad you can help, even in this small way. “Take a breather, Mirabelle. Join us when you’re ready.” She nods again, and sets about cleaning herself up better. You stand and head back to the kitchen.

You lean against the doorway for a moment, just watching Isabeau and Boniface interact. It’s very cute. You clear your throat after a minute and the two stop their little slap war to look at you. “Boniface, might I borrow Isabeau for a second?”

They scowl. Adorable. “You already got Belle!”

“She’ll be back soon - and I only need to tell Isabeau something. Just for a second.”

They purse their lips, and nod. They point at you dramatically. “You come back im-eed-e-ate-ly!!!”

“Immediately.” You correct on habit, and smile at them. “And of course I will.”

They nod, and you wave Isabeau to follow you to the couch. You keep your voice low, but this is important. “You need to talk to Siffrin.”

He sputters and blushes, and you roll your eyes. “The other thing, Isabeau.” He blinks at you. “The thing you wanted to talk with him about earlier today?”

“Oh. That thing.” He crosses his arms and doesn’t meet your gaze.

“Isabeau-”

“M’Dame, please.” He’s downcast, refusing to look at you. “I… I know I need to talk with them. And I will.” He meets your gaze for that alone. “I will talk with him about it, I just… need to figure out what to say. And now… probably isn’t the time.”

Isabeau is better at this than you are. He’s likely right, but… “Are you saying that because you mean it, or because you want to avoid it?” He flinches.

“Maybe I am? Trying to avoid it, I mean. But I swear. I will talk about it. After we beat the King.” The smile he gives you is small, but you can accept that, for now.

You nod, and he nods back before rejoining Boniface in the kitchen. Shortly afterwards, Mirabelle rejoins them. Siffrin has yet to make a reappearance, but they’ll be here. You settle on the couch again and open your book, addressing the things you can right now.

The only things left on your list are fetching your coin, which you’ll do tomorrow before heading to the house, and that odd thought you had.

Rereading it, it’s just a fact.

You do not remember anything about the first two loops.

Except something about that is strange.

You don’t remember those loops. During them, you won your coin flip. You close your eyes and ponder on the things you know so far.

You loop based on that flip. You asked for that at the favor tree. The connection there is simple. Mirabelle wished to save Vaugarde. Isabeau wished to make that confession he's still sitting on - and to hold onto it for now is good, because you don't know what would happen if he didn't. Boniface wished for their sister to be saved.

That… is that right? Your eyes open, staring blankly at the page of your book. You flip a few pages back. No… Boniface said they wished for their sister to be safe.

Is there a difference?

Your eyes widen. You flip back another page.

There is a difference. There has to be.

Boniface wished for their sister to be safe. Mirabelle wished for Vaugarde to be saved.

Mirabelle is looping. Boniface is not.

This could be due to something like age. More likely, it's due to the wording of the wish. Your brow furrows. What is the difference between safe, and saved?

Safe… you are not in danger. Saved… you have been removed from danger. The King is a danger to Vaugarde. To save the country means removing the King - which you did not accomplish, last time around. Mirabelle remembers. But Boniface doesn't remember the loops. They just have deja vu - similar to you.

You frown.

Like you. Alright. What sets you apart from the others?

…you've gotten what you wished for, before. Specifically, you get that sort of foggy feeling when you do get what you wished for.

Hm. You'll need to check with Siffrin to confirm, though. No one has asked him what he wished for. You're not sure any of you want to set them off, accidentally or otherwise.

You glance at the door. No movement. You rearrange yourself so that you'll see him when he makes his appearance.

For now, you make a note in your book. When you get what you wished for, you do not recall loops, or you recall them only vaguely. You can recall them more clearly if you focus, but they are still foggy. Which means that Boniface’s wish has already come true.

…two things. Two things to ask Siffrin when they appear.

You reread the thought you had. You do not remember anything about the first two loops.

Something is still strange about that. But what?

You've established a general idea of how the loops work. Boniface’s wish has already come true. No one else's wish has come true except yours.

Boniface… only remembers the last loop. Vaguely, and lacking detail. But just the one.

What changed?

…what changed for you? Your wish came true in the time of the loops, but you didn't remember anything. And then, suddenly you were remembering it through a mist.

You lost. That's what changed.

…was their sister not safe in the last loop? What would cause someone frozen in time to go from being supposedly ‘safe’ to not? The Sadnesses ignore those frozen in time. Bambouche itself is deep in the curse, not many people wander frozen places. It doesn't make sense.

You're missing something.

You don't miss Siffrin slipping in the door nearly silently. You look up at him, and when he freezes, and lifts a hand in silent greeting, you gesture to the space beside you. They join you silently. It's something you appreciate about him. They know the importance of quiet. Sadly, you have to break it.

You're quiet, not wanting to draw the attention of the cooking crew - who are mid howling laughter fit. You smile hearing it, and catch Siffrin smiling too. “Siffrin?” He looks at you. “I have some questions.” They nod. “What is it like, being frozen in time?”

He freezes, and gets that uncomfortable looking smile on his face. “Um. I thought Mira would tell you?”

“We haven't spoken about it.” Not that, specifically.

“Oh… um, it's. Kind of like falling asleep?” They nod to themselves. “Like taking a nap.”

You take note of it. He stands, and makes to join the pizza party, but you call out to him. “One more thing.” They turn to look at you. “What did you wish for?”

And for some reason, that gets a wide eyed look, and he tucks into his cloak, but. You swear you see some shade on their face before it's hidden. Embarrassed about it? Oh gems please let it not be something mushy like Isabeau’s. After a second they reappear from their cloak with the fakest smile you've ever seen, and claim, “I wished for croissants to be eradicated!”

Your face goes flat against your will. Definitely something mushy then. And probably adorable, for how much he doesn't want to tell you. “Right. Thank you, Siffrin.” You look at your book again, and shoo them away. “Go on.”

And he makes his escape into the kitchen. You adjust your notes, and wait to be called for dinner. It's not long before it happens, at least. Siffrin has always had good timing.

Boniface sets two pizzas on the table - mirrors of each other, because as they claim, “There’s only so much pineapple you can dry for snacks!”

Everyone digs in, picking their preferred slices. You expect Siffrin to just dive in mouth wide open, but oddly, they hesitate, hand hovering over one piece, and then another.

“Frin?” He jumps, wide eye looking at Boniface. “Do… you not like the pizza?” They startle.

“No, I like it!”

“Then what's wrong?” 

He is definitely flushed, dark enough now you can see a stark difference between his hair and skin. You raise an eyebrow.

“Um.” They start. “I… think I'm allergic to pineapple??? But I don't remember?”

The meal just… stops. You set your slice of pizza down. 

“You don't…” Mirabelle starts.

“Remember…” Isabeau continues.

“IF YOU'RE ALLERGIC!?!?” Boniface finishes.

Siffrin flinches.

No one else seems to know what to do. Siffrin, under the weight of everyone watching him, panics. “I'm sure it's nothing!” They laugh. “I'll just-”

Your hand snaps down around his wrist, halfway to claiming a slice. He flinches, and pulls, but you firm your grip. “You know,” you start, and everyone's eyes turn to you, “there's a simple test we can do that's fairly safe.”

Once you have said your piece you loosen your grip enough that Siffrin can pull away. They don't, staring at you. “A… test?” You nod. “What kind of test?”

“Sometimes, when you have a food allergy, you can have a lesser reaction from touching it.” He blinks at you.

“Oh.” You watch him think about it, and he nods. “Can we try?” You nod back.

“Of course. Though, if this doesn't do anything it still might be safest for you to have something else for dinner.” They look devastated.

“W-We still have the ingredients!” Boniface pipes up. “We can make a Frin pizza!!! Just for you! And I'll wash my hands extra good!!!” 

Siffrin looks floored. “F-For-?”

“Yes!!!!!! Stupid! Of course for you! I want you to eat too!!!!!!!! Okay!?!?” Siffrin smiles fondly at Boniface, and nods. The kid beams at the agreement.

You take advantage of the momentary distraction, tugging Siffrin’s hand closer. You steal a single piece of pineapple from the edge of the pizza, and just using the juice that stains your fingers, you tap his wrist. They blink at you. And then again at their wrist.

“Oh.” His head tilts, a frown coming over his face. They still haven't pulled their hand from your grip, but you're watching their face and wrist for a reaction. He squirms in place, and you can see the small section of skin going dark. Their other hand comes up and you block him from scratching.

“That would be a yes on the allergy, Siffrin. Don't scratch. Go wash your hands, the rash should fade fairly soon.” You breathe a sigh of relief as he darts away. Far safer to find out this way, rather than the hard way.

Dinner resumes slowly, but the mood comes back when Isabeau asks, “Immunology?” You laugh, and shake your head.

Siffrin returns, and Boniface finishes their food quickly so they can wash up and make a pizza just for them.

Siffrin somehow manages to eat the entire thing in one sitting. You're honestly a little disgusted. “Where does it even go?” You ask.

Siffrin just gives you a cute grin. “I’d tell you,”

“Don’t you dA-” You don’t get to finish.

“But I don’t think you could stomach the answer.”

GEMS.

ALIVE.

Isabeau howls with laughter, Boniface shouts, Mirabelle is startled into a laugh herself, and you?

…alright you’ll give him that one. The small snort escapes you.

“‘Dile, NO!!!! THAT WAS BAD, THEY SHOULD FEEL BAD!” Boniface’s refusal gets a proper laugh from you, and you plant a hand on their head, scrubbing their hat into their hair as they protest the treatment loudly.

You look at the people around you and can’t help but think. Gems. You needed that.

You would do terrible things for these people.

You might even say the dreaded L word.