Chapter Text
The TARDIS doors clattered shut as the Doctor bounded over to one side of the console. Rose watched his movements and quickly followed his lead, taking the other side. Both fell into the natural rhythm of button pressing and lever pulling that followed most of their adventures, a sequence Rose always thought of as putting the TARDIS in neutral. The Doctor had described it as finding a safe little pocket of space-time where they could ‘park’ for a bit to rest and recuperate between trips. Having decided he’d rather Rose didn’t rip open the TARDIS again, the Doctor had decided to teach her some basics over the week they’d spent on Earth following their Christmas day adventure. She wouldn’t be able to fly on her own yet, but she knew enough now to assist him with sending the TARDIS into the Vortex.
“Tell you what,” Rose said as she carefully turned a rusty dial exactly 13 degrees to the left in the precise manner the Doctor had shown her. “It’s good to be back in my own head again.”
The Doctor looked across at her with a wide grin. “It’s good to have you back in your own head again.”
Rose knew she should be concentrating on the controls, keen to prove that she was capable, but her mind was elsewhere. It had been an eventful day for many reasons, as most of her days were. Despite all that had happened though, the thing she couldn’t stop thinking about was Cassandra (in the form of the Doctor) telling her that she knew she’d been looking at him. That she liked him. The words came from the Doctor's lips; had he heard them too?
“Doctor…” she said hesitantly. He glanced up at her. "How much do you remember? You know, from when Cassandra was in your body?”
“Um, a little, some, nothing significant,” he replied, not meeting her eyes. “Why?”
“Just wondering.” She tried not to sound too relieved. The idea he had heard Cassandra implying that she fancied him was far too embarrassing for her to bear, even if it was true.
“How about you?” The Doctor asked.
“What do you mean?”
“How much do you remember from when she was in your body?” He clarified, flicking a switch from purple to seven.
“Same as you. Nothing really,” she lied. In reality, she remembered everything. She wondered if that meant he had lied too.
“Hm,” was all the Doctor gave in response. They were quiet for a moment, both back to to busying themselves with the controls.
Why exactly Rose was lying about how much she remembered, she wasn’t sure. All she knew was that, for some reason, she didn’t want the Doctor to know that she'd heard the passion in his voice when he demanded Cassandra release her. The way he had said “give her back to me” like she belonged to him, the look of fury on his face. She knew he cared for her deeply, he always had, but ever since he’d regenerated she felt it more strongly than ever. A shiver shot down her spine as she remembered the way he’d caught her in his arms when Cassandra finally left her… but it was dangerous to think about this. No matter how much he cared for her, he’d never truly reciprocate her feelings. How could he? She was just one insignificant human. No, it was better not to dwell on these moments, they meant more to her than they did to him. That was why she lied.
“Really? You don’t remember anything?” The Doctor asked suddenly, pulling her out of her thoughts. “Not even when you - well, Casandra - kissed me?”
Rose’s heart leapt into her mouth. Of course she remembered that, but she thought that by both feigning mild memory loss they had an unspoken agreement not to talk about it. They never talked about these things. She knew this new incarnation was different, but he couldn't be that different.
“Uh… Now you mention it I guess I vaguely remember a kiss, yeah. I don’t remember any details though,” she said, struggling to keep her tone casual as her heart thumped in her chest.
“Oh. That’s a shame,” the Doctor said nonchalantly, not looking at her, instead working intently on the console even though she was fairly certain he’d completed everything he needed to do on that side.
“It is? Why?” she asked, shocked. Unlike the Doctor, she had now given up any pretence that she was still focused on pressing buttons, and looked straight at him.
“Oh… just it was a good kiss, that’s all. Great, in fact. One of the best I’ve ever had. Maybe the best,” he rambled on casually as he span a rusty wheel on its axis.
Rose stared at him, mouth agape. He was still acting as though all they were talking about was the weather.
“Really? 900 years in and that’s the best kiss you ever had?” She asked.
“What can I say? It was one hell of a kiss.” His tone remained casual as he pulled a lever down at exactly 0.02 miles per hour.
“Guess it really is a shame I missed it then.” She was still in disbelief.
“Yep,” was all the Doctor said in response. Then, with a little shake of his head, he finally looked up at her.
“You should get to bed,” he said suddenly. “Not easy, having someone poking about your head all day. You need to rest. I can finish up out here.” He gestured to her side of the console, where she had only completed half of the required sequence.
“Oh. Right then. Yeah, I guess I should,” she replied, but neither of them moved. Instead they just looked at each other. A moment ago he'd casually told her that a kiss between them was the best kiss he’d ever had. Now he was trying to get rid of her, telling her to go to bed as though she was a child. Rose couldn’t understand it.
*
The Doctor looked back at her and wondered if she knew the power she held over him. Especially when she looked into his eyes the way she was doing right now. All rational thought left him and there was only her, only Rose. He snapped his gaze away from her quickly before he could say anything else stupid. He’d mentioned the kiss just to get a reaction out of her. He knew she had feelings for him, and instead of doing the sensible thing and deterring her, he selfishly encouraged it. He couldn’t help himself sometimes, and it wasn’t fair of him. He'd been bad enough in his old body, but in this new one he was even worse. One of the first things he'd done after recovering from his regeneration was ask if he was sexy and wink at her. Sometimes he really was no better than a monkey-brained, validation-craving, egotistical human.
He flitted over to her side of the console and picked up where she had left off. She didn’t move to go to bed though, she just stood, watching him. Acting as if this was of no consequence to him, he focused on the task at hand.
“Doctor,” she said quietly. Evidently his deflection hadn’t worked. He’d pushed it too far this time, telling her how much he’d enjoyed the snog she didn’t even know she’d given him. Of course she wasn’t going to just go quietly to bed, she was going to want to talk about it. He cursed himself for being so stupid.
She’s a human, he reminded himself, not for the first time. A twenty-year-old human. A twenty-year-old human who trusts you wholly and completely. You cannot exploit that trust. It doesn’t matter that you ache for her. That she is the first being since your people were wiped out who makes you feel like life is worth living. It doesn’t matter that you regenerated for her, to look like her perfect match. It doesn’t matter that since she absorbed the time vortex, there is something almost Time Lord about her. She’s a twenty-year-old human who trusts you.
“Doctor,” she said again and he couldn’t ignore her. Finally stopping fiddling with the controls, he straightened up to look at her, and immediately, he knew it was a mistake. She looked up at him with big round doe eyes and it was too late; any capacity he had for rational thought was quickly disappearing.
*
Rose gulped. The Doctor’s stare was so intense, she felt as though he was looking into her soul. Maybe he is she thought; it sounded like the sort of thing he would do. Determined to get a straight answer for once though, she didn't let it deter her.
“Why would you say that to me? About the kiss?” She asked.
“I don’t know.” He said. He sounded angry, but not with her. Angry at himself.
His stare grew even more intense but she didn’t look away, she just stared right back, unwilling to let this go. She had dismissed so many of his actions as meaning more to her than to him, but not this time. He could’ve easily never mentioned that kiss again, and yet he did. He wanted her to know about it. He wanted her to know he had enjoyed it. He wanted her to react. So react she would.
“Show me then,” she said. She felt sick with nerves, and it took every ounce of confidence she had to get her words out. It wasn't the first time she'd been forward with a man but the Doctor was hardly like any other man she had met. “Show me what I missed.”
“Rose, I can’t,” he said through gritted teeth. She could've stomped her foot in irritation. There he goes again, playful and flirtatious one moment, tortured, lonely Time Lord the next.
“Why not?” she asked. If it was plain and simple rejection, maybe she would’ve accepted it. Felt the embarrassment, moved past it. But she knew that wasn’t it, he didn’t want to reject her, he just felt he had to for some reason. "Why?" she asked again when he didn't answer.
“I just can’t,” he repeated.
“But you do want to?” she asked.
He said nothing, just swallowed and tensed his jaw, continuing to stare at her.
”I just don’t understand what you want from me,” she said, her tone almost begging. “Sometimes I feel like we’re… but then you-” She cut herself off and, despite her exasperation, took a deep breath and tried to think.
She could insist on an answer. She could even cross the short space between them and kiss him herself, he wouldn’t stop her. She knew she had him wrapped around her little finger; she could make him do whatever she wanted. But no, she thought, that’s what he wants. He wants her to initiate. He wants her to take the moral burden off his shoulders, and he likes it when little humans make him feel important. Well, not this time. If he wanted her, he could do something about it himself.
“Ok, fine,” she said, “you stay out here deciding what we can and can’t do according to your superior Time Lord ethics, and I’ll put myself to bed like a good little human. Goodnight, Doctor.”
She turned on her heel and made for the door that led off the console room to the rest of the TARDIS. She had only taken a couple of steps when she felt the Doctor's fingers close around her wrist as he spun her back round to face him. She managed to catch a glimpse of his expression, the fire in his eyes, before he leaned down and pressed his lips into hers. She almost fell backwards but his arms wrapped around her waist, his hands pressing into her lower back, holding her to him. At first she didn’t respond, too taken aback. Quickly, though, she realised what was happening and responded in kind, melting into him.
A year’s (or maybe two’s - she wasn’t sure exactly how long they had been travelling together now) worth of tension and pining poured out of each of them and into the other. Thoughts they'd both had were suddenly confirmed - every look, moment, feeling they had shared was real. And this new Doctor, he was the same man, but with one important difference. He was Rose’s Doctor, he was made for her. And it felt like it.
Too soon, the Doctor pulled back, looking down at her. If she thought he'd been looking at her with intensity before, it was nothing to how his eyes burned into her now. It was as if he was asking her if she was happy now, now she’d worn down his stoic sensible exterior and made him give in to what he really wanted. She stared back and bit her lip.
“Ok, you were right, that was one hell of a kiss,” she quoted his previous statement with a nervous laugh, her voice shaky, "best I ever had."
He was enthralled by her. He didn’t care anymore if it was right or wrong, there was no point stopping now. He wasn’t sure he’d be able to even if he wanted to. He needed her completely.
“Oh, Rose Tyler,” he breathed, and she gasped as he lifted her up and carried her over to the jump seat. “Just you wait.”
*~*~*~*~*
When she woke up a few hours later and took in her surroundings in her sleepy state, she was confused for a moment. She recognised the walls of the TARDIS, but this wasn’t her bedroom. After a second, everything came flooding back to her.
This was the Doctor’s room. It was seldom used as he didn’t often sleep. Rose hadn’t been in here much except for the time he was bedridden with some sort of space bug that humans were immune to and she'd had to nurse him back to health. Last night though, they’d come here together for a very different reason. The very memory of it sent a thrill through her; it had been like nothing she'd ever experienced before.
Turning over, she looked at the empty space in the bed beside her. He'd been there when she'd fallen asleep; she remembered drifting off warm and satisfied with the feeling of his arms wrapped around her. If he were another man, she might've taken offence at his disappearance, but as always, things were different with the Doctor. She supposed it would be unfair of her to expect him to stay all night given his lack of need for sleep. As far as she was aware, he usually used the time she was sleeping to fix things or research in the TARDIS’s library.
Without him there to reassure her though, she panicked a little - what if she went out there and he pretended like this had never happened? Or worse - he regretted it and sent her home? Last night had been amazing, all she'd ever dreamed of and more, but in the (metaphorical) light of day and with the overwhelming sense of desire passed, she couldn't help but worry. As she'd already established, things were never straight forward with the Doctor. Before she could panic herself anymore, she jumped out of bed and hurried to her own room to put on some clothes.
Torn between wanting to look her best following the events of last night, and the desire to just see him as quickly as possible to placate her doubts, she settled somewhere in the middle. Hair and teeth were brushed, mascara and concealer hastily applied, jeans and a t-shirt (that could easily be passed off as casual, but she knew for a fact made her figure look particularly curvy) were thrown on. With a final glance in the mirror, she headed for the console room. She paused and took a deep breath before opening the door, unsure of what to expect on the other side.
“Ah, she’s finally awake,” the Doctor called from his position at the console. “I’ve been ready to go for ages.”
“Sorry,” she said as she slowly made her way over to him. “I know I don’t sleep as much these days with all the time travel energy or whatever, but I was just tired out.”
“Oh you were, were you?” he said, and she could see the trace of a smirk on his face, causing her to blush like a school girl as she realised what she had said.
“Ok, where are we off to then?” she asked, changing the subject.
“Oh I’ve got an amazing trip planned for you today, Miss Tyler, but first I thought we could go to that little place on Zeross-Eight you liked so much for breakfast? My treat.” He gave her a wink that made her heart skip.
“Sounds perfect,” she replied with a grin.
“Off we go then,” he said, returning her grin with a shining one of his own, and she knew from the look he gave her that something had shifted. He wasn’t going to send her home. He wasn’t going to pretend it had never happened. He was embracing it. They were embarking on a new chapter of their relationship, and she didn’t know exactly how it would go, but she had a feeling it was going to be fantastic.