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Language:
English
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Published:
2023-12-21
Updated:
2023-12-31
Words:
4,150
Chapters:
6/?
Comments:
104
Kudos:
175
Bookmarks:
29
Hits:
1,419

WelcomeToTheCastle5.0

Summary:

Dust starts a Youtube Channel because Star Sanses blocked the gang on every website, and he needed to send a message to them. It was a one-time video, for one reason only.

Except, whoops, people find the channel and actually subscribe.
So why not oblige the people?

Chapter 1: to the stars: shove off.

Chapter Text

Dust adjusted his phone sideways on the desk for a moment, trying to prop it up with an eraser. After a few failed attempts, he just decided to try to hold it steady with his hand.

And.. click.

“Hey, fuckers,” he greeted flatly.

“Welcome to the channel. If you’re not the Star Sanses, then I recommend you get the fuck out, ‘kay?” he said smoothly. “‘Cause this isn’t your war.”

He paused for a few moments. “…Okay, I’ll assume whoever-else left. Or if you’re still here and haven’t been recruited to the Stars yet, then go ahead. Stay, if you really wanna. I hope you’ve checked the news in the past 3 years, ‘cause you should know that yes, I’ve killed people.

“Welp, anyways. For the Star Sanses— can you just shove off for once? I mean, god fuckin’ damnit, can we not fight all the time? Horror and I were just at the bloody grocery store,” Dust spat, throwing up his hands.

“I get it. We’re criminals. But we were jus’ gettin’ food. Y’know. To live. And yes, we were PAYING. With REAL G.”

He paused to sigh. 

“…‘Kay, here’s a proposal: if ya don’t see the team painted red and dusty grey, then chill the fuck out, and get your bloody asses out of our business,” he hissed coldly, eyelights flaring up in red and blue.

“Welp, that’s it. ‘f anybody else is still watchin’, then uhh… I dunno. This is a one-time message. No need to subscribe or anything.” Dust considered the possibility for a moment.

“…Actually, that would help the algorithm get it to the Stars. Fuck it, actually, go ahead. But don’t expect anything else from me. ‘Cause I literally only created this channel because the Stars blocked us on everything. Uhh…”

Was there anything else he should say? No?

“…Bye, then.”

Click.

 

He sighed heavily. Goddamn, that message better reach the Stars.

Chapter 2: why are you weird

Summary:

People like criminals, apparently. Dust is confused.

Chapter Text

Honestly, Dust had completely forgotten about the message.

So it was a bit of a shock when he woke up 3 days later. with notifications flooding his phone. …Well, not flooding. But 67 comments was still far too many.

It was all basically the same format: ‘holy crap, is that THE dust??? the murderer one????’ Along with a concerning number of ‘can you give me a shoutout if ur gonna make yt videos?’ Like… this was just a message to someone. Why would he…

Some idiots had actually liked the video. Why on earth that would ever happen, Dust had no clue.

Damn, chill, why are you excited about a murderer? But hey, people liked it.

…Wait. They- they liked it. They LIKED it.

Of course, there was other shit. ‘you have the nerve to show your face online after what you’ve done?! people are shameless.’ ‘you killed everyone, and you’re just here making videos? how much of your mind have you lost, you bitch?’ 

But surprisingly, that was only about 40% of the comments. Which… weird.

Dust knew he was definitely insane. But he had to say, this was probably was probably 2nd place on the list of Stupid Things I Did.

He set up his phone, and clicked record for the second time in a week. You couldn’t fully tell what people were thinking without a good data set. Or maybe this was an excuse to see what would happen.

Click.

 

“So…” Dust paused. “…okay, what the fuck?” he blurted. “This was s’posed to be a one-time-only message to the Star Sanses, an’ everyone in the comments are just— hold up, lemme pull them up.

“Some bitch with bad spelling said that ‘wow, I can’t believe it’s the real Bad Sanses!—’ People call us that? ‘—hope to see more content from you!’ What part of ‘Not gonna be a thing’ do you not understand?” 

Dust glanced over the comment again.

“…Oh, and they wanted a bloody shout-out. Because making yourself known to a gang of criminals is exactly the perfect, smartest choice to make. Well, shout-out to that bastard. …Even though, let’s be honest, nobody cares about shout-outs unless it’s their own, so the whole thing is really fuckin’ stupid.

“But, uh… yeah, I’m recording this other video for one reason only— a data set. First time’s a mistake. Second time’s a fluke. Third time’s a pattern.

“So if this bloody video has the same results as the last one, I’m gonna very confused, because you do realize that we’ve killed people? We’re on the run from the Stars, which, by the way, good luck finding our base, motherfuckers. We’re criminals? How do you like this shit. Like just- how.”

Dust paused for a moment to sigh heavily.

“…Or, maybe those were all jokes,” he realized. “…Yeah, that- that makes more sense, actually. Fuck, how did I not think of that.”

Click.

 

————————

 

[🍀] don’tclickmypfp
Okay but I genuinely want more criminal gang content, like ✨influencer vlog style✨


[🏳️‍🌈] STAB-THE-BITCH
DUST LMAO TF ARE YOU DOING HERE??? YOU COULDVE JUST ASKED ME TO SEND A MESSAGE FOR YOU???
show replies:

[🌌] welcomeToTheCastle5.0
killer, why do you have the stars’ numbers. like how.

[🏳️‍🌈] STAB-THE-BITCH
I DONT HAVE THEIR NUMBERSIUEWKJ I HAVE LUST’S NUMBER, LUST IS FRIENDS W/ BLUE, BLUE IS IN THE STARS. EASY.

[🌌] welcomeToTheCastle5.0
…oh. yeah, actually. welp. too late now.


[👁️] twink-ly
wtf is this? you’ve committed heinous crimes, and you’re just here recording youtube videos?! you should go to jail. i’m reporting this to Youtube, there’s no way they can let this slide.
show replies:

[🌌] welcomeToTheCastle5.0
youtube didn’t care about showing dying dogs. seriously, how tf do videos of dead dogs slide under the radar, i actually cried.
…but ignoring that- dw, im not planning on making this a thing. the first video was a message, this video is just me saying that whoever likes my shit is about as insane as i am. i honestly agree with you. 
except jail. rlly trying to avoid that rn. sorry.


[🤌] YourStereotypicalItalian
mamma mia, what the fuck

Chapter 3: please stop

Summary:

Dust rebels against the will of Fate.

Chapter Text

Click.

“Hello, bastards. Uh.” Dust stared at the camera with an intense, imploring look. “Being 100% serious. Like- not even kidding— What. The ACTUAL. FUCK.”

He brandished a taped piece of paper angrily, before slamming it onto the wall behind him where it stuck. Printed on it was a screenshot of that first video, circled in furious red pen— ‘60k views, 200 Likes, 306 comments.’ 

“HOW FUCKING INSANE ARE YOU,” he hissed. “ARE YOU MAD, OR JUST CONCUSSED, YOU FLASH-BASTARDS? 이게 도대체 뭐야?!”

“I- I just- you DO realize who this is?” he asked. “You know this isn’t a sick faker? I- I’ve actually killed people. And there’s a concerning amount of people who want bloody shout-outs, and I have no fucking clue if they’re joking or not.”

He sighed heavily. 

“What. The Fuck. Stop watching that bloody video, I only said to like it so that the Stars would see it, why do I see goddamn SUBSCRIPTIONS. There shouldn’t be subscriptions.”

He waved a hand vaguely, with no clue how to continue. How do you even respond to THIS. What’s the fucking procedure here?

“Yknow,” he mused casually, a completely switch from the tone before. “I think it’s pretty obvious I’m fucked up. Mentally. I’ve definitely done some shit. But I think it really says a lot about me, considering that I’ve never subscribed to a goddamn serial killer.

“If every person on the planet competed to find out who’s The Most Mental, you fucks would win. By a long shot. So, actually fuckin’ BEGGING here- get off of this bloody channel and find a different criminal to harass, because I’m not dealing with this shit.

“Like- go find what’s-her-name, musical bastard, with the guitar or whatever, if you want to support a soon-to-go-to-Hell bitch. Not me. Find someone who actually WANTS the attention.”

Dust paused.

“…This video isn’t gonna work, is it? But like- please. Politely, fuck off.”

Click.

 

—————

 

[🧋] spill_the_tea
bitch we’re gonna haunt you, deal with it
show replies:

[🌌] WelcomeToTheCastle5.0
i dont want more ghosts, thank you

[🧋] spill_the_tea
too bad lmao

[🌌] WelcomeToTheCastle5.0
i would say ‘im gonna kill you’ but thats not gonna go over well is it

[🧋] spill_the_tea
pls dont

[🌌] WelcomeToTheCastle5.0
yeah exactly. maybe you should leave thhis goddamn channel because i dont want this


[🫠] D!zzyD!zzyD!zzy
make a collab with the Zodiac killer


[🧕🏼] society
I’d say you’re the most insane one here..
show replies:

[🌌] WelcomeToTheCastle5.0
we’re on the internet, EVERYONEs insane here. i’m almost normal compared to certain bitches.

[🏳️‍🌈] STAB-THE-BITCH
WIJOVEIUCNEW THIS FEELS AIMED, I-

[🌌] WelcomeToTheCastle5.0
it is.

Chapter 4: annoying brother rambling

Summary:

Killer rants about Royal Guard shifts and living statues.

Chapter Text

Dust sat down across from Killer, took a sip of water, and stared at him flatly.

“I’ve made the worst mistake of my life.”

Killer glanced up, blinking in confusion. “…What, worse than committing genocide? Worse than the time we crashed a wedding? Please do tell, I wanna know,” he said with one of those pure-evil grins that only he could do.

Dust sighed. “…So that message I sent, to the Stars. It was public.”

“I know.”

“And a lotta people saw it.”

“I know.”

“And they have the fuckin’ nerve to ask for more content. Like I’m a Youtuber or something.”

Killer hummed. “Well, you uploaded a video to Youtube. That makes you a Youtuber.”

“God fuckin’ damnit.”

“But the thing that’s really confusing is… okay, to be sure I didn’t just hear you wrong— people commented. And they said.. more.”

“Somehow, yeah.”

…

. . .

“…Did you run out of meds?” Killer blurted.

“We have the medicine cabinet of a nursing home,” Dust pointed out. “It’s physically impossible to run out, at this point.”

Killer considered that. “Yeah, actually. But hold on, why would people like you?”

“Rude.”

“But I’m not wrong—!”

“True.”

“But just- they do realize who you are, right?”

“Yeah.”

Killer paused. Dust took the opportunity to get up so he could leave before Killer started rambling.

“Hey, wait,” Killer started, giggling. Dust sat back down. Damn it.

“What if you actually went with it?”

“…What.”

 

———

 

“Hey, welcome to hell,” Dust sighed. “Killer suggested that I just roll with the punches. By some form of contagious insanity, not everyone was immediately against me ever appearing on the internet again. So, uh. …Killer, you do it, you’re good with people.”

“Hello, motherfuckers~!” the murderer sang out, before Dust shoved him roughly out of frame.

“Great, now they know you exist, that’s enough out of you—”

“Oh, you just want the spotlight all to yourself?”

Dust paused at that, before dragging him back into the camera’s range. “…‘kay, take it away, buddy, don’t fuck this up. I’m gonna get some coffee, ‘cause I’m too tired to deal with this without socially-acceptable drugs.”

“…Wait, what am I s’posed to talk abou—”

“Bye.”

…

Killer shifted in his spot awkwardly. “…So, uh. Did you know that people who speak tonal languages are better at telling the difference between pitches? And people who DON’T speak tonal languages are better with, like, rhythm. Pretty cool! So, uh… fuck, Dusty’s room is DARK, gimme a sec-”

He got up, and slammed the light-switch.

“Yep, theeerrreee we go!” He plopped back down, crossing his legs. More silence.

“…Okay, so Dust did NOT give me any information, does this video have a topic or something? ..Fuck it, if the world’s gonna see me, they’re gonna know me.

“Hi, my name’s Killer, yes the name is accurate, and fun fact, I once stabbed Dust. …A lotta times, actually, we’re not that good at being traditionally ‘civil,’ as I bet you know, but I mean, we can HEAL each other… which, I mean, really, Cross can heal us, bet he’s tired of doing that though-

“Oh, yeah, right, Cross, if ya don’t know, he’s a monochrome-ish guy with a four-yard stick up his ass. Real nice (but kinda boring) guy. Used to be in the Royal Guard. Which, by the way, how do people decide to become a guard? Like, imagine being 6 and thinking-” Killer cleared his throat, putting on a mock-country accent. 

“‘Oh, gee willikers-’ oh, I’m NEVER saying that again ‘-I can’t wait to sign up for 30 weeks of yellin’ and torture! Oh, boy, that sounds amazing, mister!’ Just- HOW DO THEY LIKE THAT?” he burst, throwing his hands up.

“I’VE SEEN THE SORTA ‘I-DON’T-NEED-SLEEP’ SHIT CROSS PULLS— or maybe that’s just the trauma— AND HAVE YOU EVEN SEEN CLIPS OF, LIKE- THE QUEEN OF ENGLAND’S ROYAL GUARD STUFF?

“I mean, it all LOOKS cool, I guess? But you gotta stand there for hours! HOURS. I once looked up how long a shift is, it’s like SIX TO EIGHT HOURS. HOW DOES ANYBODY STAND IT.

“I think that’s just workplace abuse, honestly, there’s gotta be a law against that, right? Because I, personally, I would die,” he said innocently.

“That’s- that’s literally it. I’d just take my soul, and self-destruct,” he insisted, cupping his furiously-writhing soul in his hands as a demonstration.

“It’s like those people dressed up as statues, yknow? Where did that even come from, actually?” Killer mused. “Like- what DISEASE made a million people decide ‘oh, you know what would be cool? DRESSING UP AS STATUES AND STANDING FOR HOURS IN A PARK! AND NOT MOVING! AT ALL! YIPEE!’

“I once went to this pretty cool AU, don’t remember the name, but it was pretty green and plant-y, and I saw one of them. And it was a human, so it had to breathe, right? HE WASN’T BREATHING. Like- I didn’t see ANYTHING. Kinda thought he was dead, and that was just rigor mortis settling in.”

He paused. “…Damn, this went from healing magic to dead bodies. Huh. Well, anyways, uhh… fuck. I dunno. What was I even gonna say. Uh.” He thought for a few moments. “…Screw it. Bye!”

Click.

 

—————

 

[👾] ¡Glitchbuster!
damn you talk a lot. kelly kapoor vibes honestly, love it.


[👯‍♀️] &TheyWereRoommates
EXACTLYYY IURWINJLJLSD HOW DO THEY DO IT. WHAT SORCERY IS THIS. MY ADHD ASS COULD NEVER 😭😭😭


[🍄] mushroomdance
mushroom dance..

mushroom dance..

whatever could it mean?

it means you’ve lived a life of sin. get off the internet, please. nobody wants you here, murderers.


[🐭] squeak squeak, bitch
stop, i should NOT be relating to criminals *crying sobbing throwing up rn*
show replies:

[🥨] twistykissy
wtf, why are you roleplaying on youtube? go do that cringe shit on Discord, i-

[🐭] squeak squeak, bitch
CRINGE IS DEAD

Chapter 5: channel rules. oh, yeah, also addressing our FAQ but then it spiraled out of control so whoops, sorry about that guys

Summary:

Dust and Horror respond.

Chapter Text

Click.

 

“Uhh… hi.” Dust waved with his left hand lazily. “I guess you insane fuckers are still here. Next to me is Horror.” 

“…hi.” Horror nodded slightly. “so… this is what you’ve been.. doing in your free time. …weird. but okay.”

“I didn’t want—” Dust cut himself off with a sigh. “…Yeah. Somehow, shit hit the bloody fan and now I’ve officially become a Youtuber. I have no clue how. And they won’t leave.”

Horror hummed. “…delete the channel?” he suggested with a tone of ‘are you an idiot?’. 

“Yeah, ‘cept I dunno if the Stars saw the message yet.”

“…oh. isn’t killer—”

“Lust is completely unreliable.”

“sure,” Horror said, like Dust was a small child who didn’t see sense yet. “absolutely. you sure.. it isn’t just growing.. on you?”

“Anyways, we got shit to talk about,” Dust reminded him.

“dust, answer—”

“So the whole, uh. Thing.” Dust paused. “To answer our frequently asked questions, yes this is real. No, I’m not posting this from the asylum, thank you soooo much, Anonymous, for spreading that rumor around.

“Where’s our base? Fuck you. Am I diagnosed with insert-mental-illness-here? Fuck you also. And to that one batshit nuthead, do your bloody research, autism isn’t a mental illness, I’m pretty sure. Fuck everyone except those of you who aren’t even watching. They did the right thing.”

“that’s a bit rude,” Horror muttered. “…but understandable.”

“Yeah, people are crazy,” Dust agreed. “…And I know it’s weird coming from me.”

“it would be weirder… coming from killer,” Horror pointed out. “you’re not the one who snuck.. into a party and.. started a fight.”

“Wait, he did what—?”

“oh, i thought you knew.”

“I did NOT? Explain, please?”

“…anyways, there’s a few.. more questions here—”

“I NEED ANSWERS, YOU PETTY BIT—”

“maybe lay out some ground.. rules?” Horror suggested. “the questions are kinda.. horrible. just- real shitty.”

Dust paused. “…Yeah, they are. Fine, fine, fine. Ground rules. Uh… how do I do that. Uhh… okay, okay okay, I got a few ideas.”

“like?”

“No talking about murder?”

Horror considered that. “i’d say ‘s fine, but.. considering it’s us—?”

“Well, yeah,” Dust admitted. “But just.. yknow. Really don’t want people asking how I killed people. Not really something, uh.. nice.”

“…people asked you that?”

“As I said, people are crazy. Which, another point, apparently there’s a forum or two talking about why murderers did what they did. …And there’s a lot about me and Killer.”

“glad i’m not there.”

“I mean, you had a pretty good reason, honestly, pretty understandable.”

“yeah.”

“But people are trying to diagnose us with mental disorders, apparently,” Dust said in a would-be-casual tone.

Horror stared. “i… huh?”

“Yyyyep, that’s a thing. But, uh, not important, anyways—”

“are these people at least.. qualified? like… medical experts? therapists?”

“…”

“…dust.”

“…No,” he admitted. “Not as far as I know.”

Horror sighed, exasperated. “people are fucked up.”

“No need to tell me. So.. rule number 2, then: don’t fuckin’ diagnose us, unless you’re Ccino or Sci, ‘cause they’re qualified. Oh, yeah, also I have morals. …Somewhat. So that makes rule 3.”

“…explain…? there’s a story there.. i bet.”

“Rule 3 is knowing that I don’t tolerate certain crimes.”

Horror considered that. “yeah, makes sense. so.. rule number 4..” he suggested, “no harassment or.. bullying. i think we’ll need that one. …should’ve been rule #1.”

“Oh, yeah, we definitely will,” Dust agreed. “I nearly forgot the obvious- Good one. Anything else?”

There was a beat of silence.

“mm… don’t think so.”

“Nah, I think we’re good.” Dust shrugged. “Welp. Last chance for any fuckers watching to leave, ‘else I’m dragging everyone to hell with me. …Because, yeah, the whole thing is growing on me.”

“knew it.”

 

Click.

 

—————

 

[🐕‍🦺] !bondo-sweetie!
AHAHAHAH I KNEW YOU LIKED THIS CHANNEL, YOU CANNOT ESCAPE FROM YOUR FATE OF BECOMING A YOUTUBER, DUST!!

 

[🏳️‍🌈] STAB-THE-BITCH
 YOU HEARD NOTHING.


[🐣] iamgoingtokillyourfamily<3
bold of you to assume i’d be going to heaven in the first place.


[🦷] puppythepizza:)
what does shit mean, guyz?
show replies:

[🌌] WelcomeToTheCastle5.0
it’s a very bad word that only adults can say. do me a favor and block this channel, okay? really sorry, but i dont think your parents would like that you’re watching this. there’s a much better channel that i’ll link right here. it’s pretty good, i think you’ll like this better. have a good day.

Chapter 6: how to disarm your enemies, ft the most boring guy alive

Summary:

Dust drags Cross onto the channel. He promptly gets K.O.ed.

Notes:

sorry for the wait weodaijnfheq i didn’t know what Cross could talk about, so i eventually scrapped the whole “conversation” format and wrote this instead

Chapter Text

Click.

“A- are you sure this is a good idea?”

“It’s definitely not.”

“WHY are you doing this?”

“‘Cause it’s funny. Say hi to the little bitches who won’t take a hint.”

“…Um.” Cross shifted awkwardl. “…Hi.”

“This is Cross, the only one with common sense and sanity,” Dust introduced, gesturing towards the ex-guard. “And at this point, the whole thing is growing on me, this is funny. But seriously, fuck off.”

“X-cuse me?”

“The viewers. Was that a pun?”

“…I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Cross said with dignity.

“Damn it, you’re boring. Anyways, just… I dunno, the videos so far were just talking. Like a podcast or something. So we’re doing something different.”

“Okay, um.. why are we here?” The monochromatic gestures weakly to the padded walls and floor.

Surprisingly, this specific padded room wasn’t an asylum. A miracle, considering the gang’s overall abysmal mental health.

It was the basement that Cross himself had taken one look at, and decided to make it into something useful. The training room.

Personally, Dust thought that the whole project was just Cross’s compulsive need to be doing something at all times— a bit like Killer, except Killer liked doing useless, fun things, while Cross didn’t care how boring it was, as long as it was productive,.

“You’re a royal guard,” he pointed out. “You’ve had training. So go. Train the viewers.”

Cross stared at him blankly. “…We’re gonna send them to war?

“Wha- no? Of course not?” Dust studied him for a moment. “Are you okay.”

“I.. think so?” Cross tried.

“Goddamn. Well. Ignoring that. Go on. Show the viewers a basic move.”

Cross paused for a moment, studying the phone that was innocently propped up against the weapons stand.

“This, um- it’s not live or anything- right?”

“Nope. But we’re doing this uncut, because if I get an editing program, then it’s all over, and I’m officially a fucking Youtuber.”

“Yeah, makes sense,” Cross muttered. “So the internet can see me fail miserably.”

“You could literally hold your own against Dream and Ink. At the same time. Without even getting tired.” Dust paused. “…I mean. You can’t get tired, right?”

“‘One of the benefits of CIP,’” Cross quoted dryly, “‘you won’t know you’re tired until you’re already dead.’ The old man really didn’t think things through.”

“That sucks. Anyways, what’s the first thing a guard-in-training learns?” Dust asked. “Weak spots? Punches? Kicks?”

Cross paused to think. His first day as a guard-in-training… a bit fuzzy, since he was 13, but he generally had a good memory. If he remembered right…

“In the beginning, it was pretty simple,” he explained. “Team building. Taking care of our uniforms. Some ceremonial stuff, that we never really used. Guard-mounting. Etiquette and obedience. …A lot of that. Like… most of the first 2 weeks.”

“Sounds fun. When can I join?”

“I- I mean, you, um- you can’t, because of the whole..” Cross trailed off. “…The thing. With my AU. Also, they expect, like- peak condition. If you don’t meet the requirements for height or weight, or if you have asthma, o-or most mental health conditions like schiz—” he cut himself off, unsure if it would be polite to mention it. Is that just something you can say casually, like talking about someone’s eye color, or is that more of a sensitive thing? He had no clue.

“…Um. You know. Your… thing. So um. Probably not. Sorry. Although I could still teach you if you want, I-I mean, you couldn’t join officially, but everyone should know how to fight properly, and I’ve basically memorized a lot of it, like the defending and fighting moves obviously, but also ceremonial duties, obedience, rules, etiquette, so many rules—”

“Ladies and gentlemen, the so-called badass in shining armor,” Dust deadpanned. “He likes lessons in following rules. If you haven’t noticed.”

“Haha, um, anyways,” Cross quickly went on, “for the actual.. fighting stuff, footwork is pretty important. To make sure you don’t get off-balance.”

“Boooo, boring.”

Cross stretched his arms casually, and bent down, like he was going to tie his shoe, before swiftly sweeping Dust off of his feet with a well-aimed kick, and knocked him onto the floor with a thud.

“You need to have your weight evenly distributed,” he pointed out innocently. “Knees slightly bent, feet apart, about shoulder-width. It’s like the… the starting point! For any moves you make.”

“Cross, what the fuck—”

“How did you even make it this far in battle without being knocked over?” Cross wondered aloud. “Dream or Ink could’ve easily swept you over… although, their fighting styles are different from that, but Blue’s good with physical close-combat, I’m surprised he hasn’t done the thing at least once.”

“Rude,” Dust muttered, sitting up. “The whole Internet will know now.”

Cross glanced at him quickly a few times, as though expecting something but not wanting to outright ask.

Dust let out a long-suffering sigh. “…And thanks. I guess. For knocking me over and lecturing me again.”

“Oh, you’re welcome!”

“But also you’re even more boring than I thought. The bar was a speedbump in Hell, how do you even manage to go beyond that.”

“The… what?” Cross stared blankly. “Um… does this mean I should demonstrate something better?” Cross asked. “I could show you a dropkick!”

“Fuck no, I’m not gonna get my ass kicked by a guy with the personality of a cardboard box. Not even a cardboard cut-out.”

“..Alright. Glad you’re so interested,” the ex-guard muttered quietly in a fake-cheery tone.

“Right, well- let’s hope the fuckers block this channel soon.”

“Maybe it’ll get reported to Youtube,” Cross suggested hopefully.

“Yeah.”

 

Click.

 

—————

 

 

[🐕🦺] !bondo-sweetie!
DUUUUSSSTTT YOU GOT YOUR ASS KICKED AHAHAHSHHAAHASJVGF

 

[😀] wolfboi:3!¡
 YOU HEARD NOTHING.


[🐣] iamgoingtokillyourfamily<3
you kinda suck at fighting.. idk man.. maybe you should just quit your job and do something else.. like making youtube videos..


[🤓] The Nerd
Um ackshually, Youtube has a history of not caring about their content creators’ crimes. You’ll be staying here for a while. Even if someone reports you, Youtube most likely won’t do anything.
show replies:

[🌌] WelcomeToTheCastle5.0
is this your way of saying that i’m stuck with you bitches

[🤓] The Nerd
Yes.