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Summary
“You know,” Kaveh murmured under his breath, “that I love you, right?”
Alhaitham’s chest continued to rise and fall, his lips slightly parted. Kaveh wanted nothing more than to kiss them.Kaveh confesses his feelings and regrets to a not-so-asleep Alhaitham.
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Bookmark Notes:
🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🥹🩷
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Bookmark Notes:
1. “All those years ago, when I rejected you, you know it wasn’t because I didn’t like you. You know it’s because I was scared, right?”
He remembered the morning after kissing Alhaitham under the stars he’d gone to lecture like every other day. He remembered catching Alhaitham’s eye across the hall, and the way they’d been bloodshot and puffy.
“I’m sorry for breaking your heart. I know you cried because of me.”
Kaveh had spent that entire lecture staring into space. Then he’d skipped class the rest of the day to go cry in his room.
He’d never apologized to Alhaitham for that night. He couldn’t bring himself to even acknowledge it. But in the quiet of this home he shared with Alhaitham, with an Alhaitham who’d opened up his heart to Kaveh again enough to fall asleep on the same divan as him, he found the words slipped past his lips easily.
“I’m sorry.”
Kaveh studied Alhaitham’s sleeping face. He’d fallen asleep on Kaveh’s shoulder once. Kaveh remembered thinking the same thing then:
“When you sleep you look like you’re smiling. It’s so pretty,” he whispered. “You’ve been smiling more these days. You’ve been—you’ve been smiling, and laughing. You’re so beautiful when you smile. It makes me so happy but at the same time I can’t help but wonder if you’ve found someone new. I knew you’d gotten over me, but I supposeI hadn't wanted to believe it.” Kaveh traced the outline of his sketched eye, imagining how the soft lid would feel under his finger. “I love you so dearly. I’ve loved you since that day I came across you reading all by yourself in that dusty corner of the House of Daena you used to be so fond of.”
2. He could never regret meeting Alhaitham. Even if Alhaitham hadn’t forgiven him with the simple gesture of opening his home to him, he would always remember being young and in love with Alhaitham.
“Do you remember the first time you got drunk?” Kaveh smiled. “You told me you were going to marry me someday. I laughed, and so did you, and it was the most beautiful sound I’ve ever heard.” He let his chin rest in his palm as he confessed, “I think about kissing you every day. Once in this lifetime has not been enough for me. I’ve let you slip right through my fingers, haven’t I?” He shook his head to himself. “You baffle me endlessly. You let me live in your home, you let me miss rent, you cook me dinner and make me coffee and walk me home from the tavern when I’ve been thinking about you too much. Why aren’t you repulsed by me? Why aren’t you repulsed by my love for you? It should be uncomfortable for you. You who’s heart I so selfishly broke because I guess I thought you’d always be there.” He sighed. “I guess I thought you’d wait for me.”
“What do you think I’ve been doing for seven years?”
The quill dropped from Kaveh’s loose grip as his heart skipped a beat. “Alhaitham?”
Alhaitham cracked a sleepy eye open.
“Alhaitham!” Kaveh gasped, his sketchbook and quill falling to the floor as he sat up. “How—how long have you been awake?!
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Bookmark Notes:
makes me heart melt like uGH I LOVE THIS.