Work Text:
“(If we could turn back time) If we could go back a year
(If we could turn back our feelings) Would we be different now?
Yeah, it's a foolish thought
But still, if only.”
The First Snow – EXO
It had been almost a year since Akito's death, and Toya couldn't help but think of him as he walked through the streets of the city. It was chilly, and even though he was bundled up in a large jacket, he felt his heart freeze at the thought of his friend.
Not only that, but it was only a few days before Christmas, and the lights coming from the shop windows made it clear. The atmosphere of the holidays was enveloping the streets and homes, leaving a warmth that was distinctly seasonal in its wake.
But he didn't want to feel that warmth, and instead simply wandered the streets, letting the snowflakes crash against his bare cheeks. They melted as they hit his skin; leaving a cold sensation as they disappeared.
His nose felt cold, and as he passed an art shop, he couldn't help but stop in front of the window to put on his scarf.
He faced the window to do so, but was distracted by what was behind it.
The paintings and coloured pencils behind the glass were surrounded by garlands and decorations of Christmas motifs, and, according to Toya, they seemed to mock him from their place.
The paintings did nothing but remind him of Akito.
No one could say that the death of a friend was easy to bear, and Toya could confirm that the pain was multiplied even more if that friend could have become something more.
The countless nights in which the young man had lain awake staring at the ceiling, remembering the younger boy's smile, were difficult for Toya, robbing him of his sleep and making it difficult for him to live normally the next day.
He spent days without eating or drinking, and many times he felt he couldn't even leave his room.
Toya went through a painful bereavement, and because of that pain, there were times when it was obvious that he was neglecting himself of care.
It was only thanks to Tsukasa and his friends that he was able to move on.
Gradually he was able to get back to normal. He began to eat, to go out, and to enjoy all the things that had once made him happy.
But still, learning to live without Akito was strange.
There were many times when Toya, sitting with his practically-siblings on the sofa after a film session (usually after a breakdown), would admit to feeling sick even after so many months.
And he wasn't the only one who was having a hard time.
Still not taking his gaze from the window, Toya continued to reminisce.
Ena was, without a doubt, the one who had the worst time.
Toya couldn't say how long it took to visit her, but he was certain it was months.
Very long months, in which they both blamed themselves without being aware that they could support each other.
Mizuki was the one who made them realize that.
Sick of seeing her girlfriend blaming herself for something out of her control, she went in search of Toya, and after almost fighting with a certain loud-mouthed Tenma, she managed to talk to the taller one. The reproaches she blurted out as soon as she entered Toya's room at the time annoyed him.
“This place is a shithole.”
“You look terrible, Toya, you should let the sun shine on you.”
“God, Toya, you smell awful.”
Toya smiled as he remembered the first words Mizuki said to him when she saw him for the first time after so long.
At that time, he just wanted to hide from the world to cry himself to sleep, but Mizuki's words made him feel something he hadn't felt since months ago.
Irritation.
Yes, it wasn't humiliation, nor shame, but anger.
He didn't understand why the girl reproached him for those things, even knowing what had happened, and Toya, who for eight months had only felt the soft and tactful words of his siblings, felt those words as a slap in the face.
Needless to say, they argued, and Mizuki walked grumbling out the door of the Tenma house, but it worked.
Something changed inside Toya, and for the better.
A few days later he showed up at the girls' flat, and after a long talk with Ena they decided to support each other through their grief.
It was not easy, but they managed to move forward little by little.
Suddenly remembering all that was unexpected for Toya, and as he looked up into the dark sky, Toya couldn't help but wonder one thing.
'What would have happened if everything had been different?'
[❆]
“Akito, are you sure you don't want to go home by car? I know it's a short distance from here, but you haven't walked that far in days.” Ken's worried voice chased Akito all the way from the hospital exit, as Akito tried to ignore him while holding on tightly onto Toya.
“It's no big deal, Ken.” He looked down at the floor, focused so as not to fall. “Besides, your house isn't too far away.” He couldn't see the reaction of the others at those words; not Ken frowning, nor An huffing.
“Aki, it'll be your home from now on too.” An's annoyed voice made Akito raise his head in surprise.
“Oh, that's right.” He still couldn't believe everything that had happened in the past few days.
His friends were with him, his sister loved him, and he had a new home to feel safe in.
“You're a dumbass.” An's teasing made everyone laugh, but Akito could see the fond smile An had as she looked at him.
For the first time in a long time, he felt that everything was going to be all right, and the emptiness in his chest slowly began to fade.
Akito could only smile and look at the people around him, but being absent-minded, he failed to notice the bump in the ground, causing him to stumble and Toya to hold him back.
“Oh, look at the weakling here! He's barely able to walk!” An's voice shouting irritated Akito, who with a frown turned to answer her.
“Shut up! I'm fine! I'm just a bit tired, that's all!” He said, as he tried to stand up straight with Toya's help.
But An didn't give up, and continued to pick on his friend. “Oh, is the widdle baby tired? Maybe I should carry you instead.” She exaggerated a hand gesture as she made it look like she was talking to a small child.
“You're so annoying…”
Akito's response caused An to laugh, finally stopping joking.
At the sight of his friend's laughter, Akito tried to pretend to be angry by frowning, but it was impossible for him to hold his smile, so without looking away from his friend, he smiled slightly.
“Come on guys, we'll be late, you're not little kids any more…” Ken's voice was what caused the two to realize that everyone was staring at them with smiles on their faces.
Seeing how everyone was watching them as if they were two adorable creatures doing something funny, the two blushed in embarrassment, averting their gaze in turn.
The others could do nothing but laugh.
“Well, we'd better get going.” Ena was the first to speak after everyone had calmed down, and her words caused everyone to look at her; some with surprise, some with sadness, and a certain someone with a frown.
“You're not staying?” Even if he had a frown on his face, Akito's voice detonated uncertainty.
Ena noticed that, and with a smile, she went over to her brother to hug him.
“Yes, Aki, now I know you're in good hands, and I need to go, or I'll be in trouble with the college.” She said as she hugged her young brother gently. “Don't worry, I won't let anything or anyone else separate us ever again.” She broke away from the hug, but kept one of her hands on her brother's cheek, who was still frowning. “I'll see you when I have a break, besides, since when did you become such a crybaby? Maybe An was right about calling y-” She finally tried to cheer Akito up with a joke, which she knew worked when she saw the younger boy smile.
“Okay, okay…” Akito reproached as he smiled a little. “I understand.” He tried to sound confident, but the uncertainty he felt was betrayed by his tone of voice. “But you must promise to call me at least once a week.” He averted his gaze as he spoke to try to hide the blush he had, and Ena, seeing it, smiled.
“I promise.” She said with a smile, then broke away and went to her girlfriend's side.
“Lil bro, I hope you get better soon.” Mizuki exclaimed as she intertwined her fingers with Ena's.
“Sure.” It was the last thing Akito said before turning around to face his friends and Ken. “I guess it's time for us to go too, isn't it?” The image in front of him was something he had always dreamed of.
His friends waiting for him and ready to continue living wonderful moments together.
His new family.
“Of course we are.” An was the first to take a step towards her friend, as they had all decided to give him space to talk to his sister. “I can't wait to show you your room, Kohane and I have decorated it.” She entwined one of Akito's arms with one of her own, and the other two moved closer.
“Yes, but it was more like me who decorated it. An spent over an hour deciding which Rad Weekend poster to hang above your bed.” Kohane nodded as she spoke, ignoring the surprised sound of her girlfriend and her complaints. “We think you'll like it.”
Akito nodded, a little unfocused from feeling so much affection all at once, but Ken's voice caught his attention again.
“Since we haven't been able to get anything of yours back, until you get better, we can't go shopping for new clothes, so Toya will lend you his.” Amidst all the chatter, neither of the teens realized that they had already arrived, and as Ken pulled out the house keys, Akito stood still in surprise.
'Makes sense' Akito thought as he watched Ken open the door to the two-storey house and walk in with the girls behind him. 'But…'
“Is there a problem having me lend you my clothes, Aki?” After being quiet all that time, Toya finally spoke up as he watched Akito fall silent at Ken's words.
He looked at him worriedly, and Akito, red with embarrassment, looked into his eyes, not knowing what to answer.
“No, it's just that-” The words were slurred, but Toya's oblivious gaze made him gulp, and with a whisper he admitted his thoughts. “It's not that I'm embarrassed, but you know, I really like you and putting on your clothes is going to make me very much ashamed.” He averted his gaze, red with embarrassment and afraid of Toya's response.
But of all the things to expect, Toya brushing one of his cheeks with the back of his hand was not one of them.
Nor that when Toya lifted his face, looking at him with all the affection in the world.
Nor that he would come so close to him until he felt his breath against his lips.
“I like you too, Akito.” Was the only thing Toya said before he kissed him.
It was so unexpected that Akito couldn't even react, who stood still with his eyes wide with surprise.
But An's shout made them both break apart.
“'DAD, KOHANE,'” An shouted as he looked at her friends at the entrance of the house. “AKITO AND TOYA ARE KISSING IN THE ENTRANCE OF THE HOUSE.”
Toya simply blushed, but Akito, also red with embarrassment, tried to follow his friend into the house.
“AN, COME HERE!” Akito shouted as he tried to chase after her, still struggling to run. “ALWAYS HOLLERING OVER THINGS THAT ARE NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.
An just laughed out loud as she ran with Akito behind her.
“YOU CAN'T CATCH ME!” An exclaimed as she entered the kitchen and hid behind Kohane. “You'll have to get past Kohane first.” She stuck her tongue out at Akito, who watched as Kohane played along with her girlfriend's prank and acted out a defensive stance with a spoon in her hand as a weapon.
The scene was ridiculous in itself, but endearing enough to make Ken laugh.
“Alright guys,” Ken said as he entered the kitchen with Toya at his side. “You guys are very funny, but Akito needs to rest.” He placed one of his hands on Akito's shoulder, trying to calm the three teens down. “But Akito, you live under my roof now, no boyfriends until you're 24.” Ken taunted in an attempt to mess with Akito.
The latter simply turned red, and after they all laughed, settled down.
“What are you making for breakfast today, Dad?” asked An once everyone was seated in the living room.
“I don't know, I was thinking of asking Akito, since it's his first day out of the hospital.” Ken replied.
Akito, who up until that point had kept quiet thinking about everything that had happened while sitting with Toya on the couch, looked up.
He didn't know what to answer, as he was too busy thinking about how good it felt to feel loved.
'Things are going to go really well from this point on.'
It was what Akito thought before answering.
“Pancakes.”
[❆]
The place was illuminated with colourful lights as they wandered in awe at the vibrant fish and aquatic creatures that surrounded them, marvelling at the wonders of the deep in an enchanting underwater world.
Toya was amazed as they watched the fish swim by, and Akito was swept away by the beauty of it all, feeling his heart fluttering as he looked into Toya's enchanting eyes.
And as they stood side by side, Toya gently took Akito's hands into his own and interlocked them with affection.
The sight of their intertwined hands, the softness of Toya's fingers, and the tenderness in his eyes was a breathtaking moment for Akito. He felt their connection grow stronger with their every touch, as he became entranced by Toya's beautiful eyes and the intimacy of their handhold.
It was truly a magical, unforgettable experience.
They looked around at the different species of fish surrounding them, they were blown away by the incredible variety and beauty of the creatures that swam before them.
Some of them were brightly coloured, like the vibrant coral fish that sparkled in the water. Others were more intricate, like the elegant angelfish whose flapping fins fluttered in the current.
The aquarium was full of fascinating fish, but Toya's eyes were drawn to a particular orange-coloured fish that stood out from the rest because of how ugly it was.
But Toya didn't notice, and instead, pulled Akito's hand to go towards where the fish was.
“Look Akito! That’s you”. He pointed at the fish excitedly, his eyes sparkling with joy and emotion.
‘Oh…’ Akito only looked at the fish with horror, for it was totally wrinkled, and its eyes seemed blank.
But seeing Toya's enthusiasm, he forced a smile.
“That’s so cute, Toya…” Luckily, his boyfriend didn't notice, and instead dragged him to another tank to see more fishes.
They walked through the whole building, and by the time they finished it was time for lunch, which meant they had to leave.
But before leaving, they stopped by the souvenir shop.
“We should have matching keychains,” Akito said as he looked at all the products in the shop. “Pick the ones you like, Toya, anyone will do.”
'Damn inflation, everything is so expensive' He thought as he looked at the high prices of even a simple keychain.
“Oh, Akito, these are perfect!” Toya exclaimed as he pulled two small keychains off the shelf.
“Let me see.” And sensing the excitement in his boyfriend's voice, Akito turned around, coming face to face with two keychains.
'It can't be true'
“Aren't they adorable?” Toya's smile was tender, and sincere, which made Akito dumbfounded again.
'Hell if that's adorable'.
“Of course!” But even if he thought otherwise, he let Toya buy them, as well as put the small stuffed toy of the wrinkled fish in his backpack.
After that, they walked towards the Shiraishi's house, the date ending with a sweet and affectionate gesture, as Akito and Toya leaned in and gave each other a gentle kiss as a way to end off the night.
The gesture of intimacy was a fitting way to wrap up a lovely date, as they both were still feeling their love and affection for one another.
[❆]
Akito had come to the café to help out Ken with the prep work.
He was in the behind-the-scenes room, cutting the ingredients, and preparing the café, while Ken watched him from behind the counter. The man couldn't help but appreciate the hard-working and diligent side of the kid, and after watching him for a while, he decided to approach Akito.
“Sit down here and rest, I’ll take care of everything. Just relax, okay?” Those were Ken's words as he patted Akito on the shoulder. “The place is empty, and I don't think anyone else is coming at this time of day, so sit down and wait for me to prepare something for you”. The adult continued speaking, and when he saw how Akito wanted to reply, he interrupted him, “Don't interrupt me, young man, remember that not more than a week ago you were in the hospital, be thankful that I let you help me these days”.
“But you know how useless I feel at home alone…” These were Akito's words in response to Ken's speech.
The adult was aware that Akito had serious mental problems, and that because of them he often tended to be self-deprecating, but Ken knew how to help, even if it was by distracting him with small jobs in the cafeteria.
“Akito, I'm not going to argue with you about whether you should rest or not, but I'm going to make you those pancakes whether you want them or not.” The adult said gently as he ruffled Akito's hair.
At Ken's affectionate look, Akito simply nodded, sitting down on the first chair to wait while he surveyed the place.
'Things really had changed for the better.' Akito thought as he pulled on the black sweater he was wearing.
It was already autumn, and even though the school year had begun, and his friends had started university, Akito wanted to do nothing for the year.
It was a difficult decision for the teenager, but no one had a problem with it, and Akito received a lot of support from his friends.
There were times when he thought about returning to the music business, but the uncertainty gnawed at his insides, causing him to pull back when he felt like talking it over with Ken.
In any case, Akito was happy.
He had a family, a home to feel safe in, and friends who loved him as much as he loved them.
“Your pancakes are here, boy.” Suddenly, in front of him appeared a plate piled high with warm, freshly made pancakes. “I just made them, so I'd hurry up and eat them, it's pretty cold for autumn.”
“Thank you, Ken.” Akito didn't have to say anything else to quickly start eating the pancakes.
They were delicious, and warm.
'The best pancakes for real' he thought as he felt the texture of the pastry flood his mouth.
He was so happy eating, that he didn't notice the cafeteria door open, or Ken greeting the person.
It wasn't until the presence of a man the same size as Ken sat down next to him, that Akito didn't notice Kotaki Kaiga's presence next to him.
“But look who we have here!” The man exclaimed as he saw the boy sitting next to him. “If it isn't Akito.” He patted him on the back, causing Akito, who had gaped open-mouthed at the sight of him, to choke on his own saliva.
“That's me-?” He said with uncertainty after coughing.
“Of course it is, what a coincidence, I was looking for you." His voice was loud, but somehow it didn't unnerve Akito.
“Me?"
“Him?”
Two voices answered at the same time, for Ken, hearing all the noise, decided to go out to see what was going on.
“Yes, yes, I've been looking for you for months, where have you been, boy?" He sounded cheerful, but Akito, having recovered from the shock, was able to observe the man in front of him in more detail.
Under his eyes were dark circles, obvious evidence of the man's lack of sleep, and his eyes looked tired.
“The bosses have been pressuring me all this time to find you, only to find you in my friend's coffee shop.”
Both Ken and Akito looked at each other blankly, then looked at the man again.
“Sorry, I'm not understanding anything." Akito said as he set the cutlery down on the counter.
The man seemed to notice his behaviour, and embarrassed, pulled out a business card from his jacket.
“Yes, sorry, that's right…" He said hurriedly and quietly. “Surely you know me, I was the one who organized last year's event." He held out his hand to hand the card to Akito, who simply accepted it. “I guess you're aware of who won…" He seemed uncertain whether to keep talking or not, but seeing the teenager nod, he continued. “Well, we received a report from the police, and we decided to cancel the contract with the young man when we became aware of the situation."
Akito simply looked at him without knowing what to say.
“The thing is, we were able to find out that the song was stolen from you." But Kaiga's words left him in shock. “And we've been looking for you so we can clear things up." He looked directly into Akito's eyes, who, not knowing what to do or what to respond, looked at Ken.
Kaiga realized this, and addressing the two of them, continued speaking.
“Ken, you know what this industry is like, and if this kid was just a regular one of the bunch, the bosses wouldn't have spent so much time looking for him.”
“I'm sure they want to know if you would be interested in working for them.” He said, now addressing Akito alone.
He didn't know how to process the adult's words, nor what to do, and Ken, noticing the situation Akito was in, decided to talk to Kaiga.
“Kaiga, would you mind coming here for a moment?" He directed him into the back room to talk, and after a few minutes alone, Akito was able to watch as the two of them came out of it smiling.
The two were left alone, and Ken, resting his arms on the counter in front of Akito, smiled at him as he ruffled his hair.
“Kid, you've just been given the opportunity of a lifetime, I'm proud of you.”
And Akito simply smiled, feeling his heart flood with both pride and warmth.
[❆]
The streets were full of activity as people rushed about, going about their daily errands.
Stores and restaurants filled the area, making it a bustling and lively atmosphere. The atmosphere was filled with a mix of scents from different stores and food vendors, and the crowd of passers-by gave off a palpable buzz of energy.
The streets themselves were lined with a variety of unique buildings, providing a colourful and vibrant backdrop to Akito and Kohane's leisurely stroll.
And Kohane and Akito were walking side by side, scouring the shops in search of a Christmas present for Kohane's girlfriend.
They were both relaxed and cheerful, enjoying the festivities and the sights and scents of the festive season. Despite their serious purpose, the two couldn't help but have fun as they chatted and laughed, joking about their own gifts and exchanging ideas for what might be a fitting present for An.
“I swear, Kohane, because of how much she talks about you in home I’ll gift her a huge plush with your face on it, Kohane”. Exclaimed Akito while texting some cuss words to An in respond of a message from her.
Kohane only laughed, too happy to share that moment with his friend to be aware of anything else.
It was a chilly day, and they were snuggled up in matching white puffers jackets (courtesy of Ken). Christmas was almost there, and everyone was excited about it because of their promise to celebrate it together.
They were going to exchange gifts and have dinner together, so to say that Akito was happy was a statement.
He was just too overjoyed to think about everything that happened in the past.
“Hey Akito,” Kohane's words made Akito turn to look at her, noticing how they stood in the middle of a street.
“An told me about the contract with the music company." Kohane smiled at him, and Akito nodded with a blush.
“Yeah, I forgot to explain…” He apologized sheepishly.
Kohane simply laughed, and with one of her hands she took a small box from her bag.
“Don't worry, Aki,” She said as she smiled at him. “It's okay, I'm really glad you were able to get a job doing something that makes you happy."
Akito stared at her, feeling a warmth flood his heart as he saw her smile.
“I know it's still early, and that tomorrow is the gift exchange, but I wanted to give this to you alone first.” She held out the box towards Akito, who, bewildered, took it in his thin, pale hands.
When he opened it, he found a delicate necklace.
It was silver, and the inscription behind the blue jewel showed a carved date.
“This is the day we sang together for the first time." Kohane said as she gently took the necklace from his hands. “I didn't know what to give you, but when I saw it, I knew it was for you." She unhooked it, and slipped it around Akito's neck. “Blue really suits you." She said mischievously as she tied the necklace around his neck. “I had that date inscribed because it was the day my life changed, and it is because of you that I'm here." She walked to stand in front of his friend, and smiled at him without expecting for Akito to launch himself at her.
“It is beautiful.” Whispered Akito while hugging Kohane without any care.
Kohane, who was surprised at first, returned the hug and patted her friend’s back.
“It’s the least I can do.”
[❆]
'What would have happened if everything had been different?'
It was difficult to tell, but Toya knew that he would have been happier if Akito was with him.
Looking at the sky above him, Toya smiled sadly before turning his back to the art shop. And without caring about the snow, he walked to the Shiraishi’s house.
He ringed the bell, and after some seconds, a certain girl opened the door.
“Hey Toya, you are just in time.” Ena smiled at seeing him, offering one of her hands to take the coat from the boy.
“Is Ken already here?” Asked Toya with a smile while entering the house.
“Yeah, he closed earlier than normal to be with us today.”
Both of them walked towards the inside of the house, closing the door behind them.
Only their muffled voices were heard from outside, but it was enough for a certain star in the sky, who twinkled harder than normal at seeing that scene unfold.
“When the snow falls, my broken heart will be covered in white?
I'm sorry, I'm just filled with regrets.
If only I could see you again, would the tears fall?”
Author note!
HIII EVERYONEEEEEE, it’s been a long time, but finally I'm on Christmas holiday (´▽`ʃ♡ƪ)
I’m so happy *^____^* , and I have so many plans for this month SO IM SO EXCITED HELPE JEEFE ヽ（≧□≦）ノ
Anyway, since in three days is going to be Christmas, I wanted to gift all of you the ending that Akito deserved + some fluff (╹ڡ╹ ), so here's my Christmas gift for all of you!
Hope you have a good day or night!
And kudos and comments are appreciated ♡