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Tobio studied the bunches of bananas stacked neatly before him. He wasn’t necessarily picky but bananas were so quick to go brown and overly sweet. On the other hand, the bright green ones clearly wouldn’t be edible by his jog early the next morning.
“Kageyama?”
The voice was tentative yet familiar. He turned, his brow furrowing immediately.
“Yamaguchi?”
From behind freckled fingers, he let out a soft laugh, softer than the ones heard back in high school years accompanied by familiar slaps of volleyballs against skin. Tobio wasn’t great at people, but something was definitely different, something not right.
“Is there a reason you’re glaring at the bananas like they murdered your family?”
Dark eyes glinted subtly, the smallest quirk of the lip signifying that it was said in jest. Still, Kageyama explained. “I don’t want them to go bad too fast but want one for breakfast tomorrow.”
Yamaguchi gave a thoughtful head tilt and stepped forward, observing the bananas with him. “Well, why not pull one off of this bunch and then grab a different bunch for later?”
And they called Tobio a genius.
“I hadn’t considered that,” he stated and reluctantly turned his attention back towards the bananas. Once content with his selection, his gaze fell back to Yamaguchi. His shoulders and chest had broadened with adulthood, yet he seemed narrower. The same welcoming brown eyes looked back at him but they seemed somehow darker, as if they weren’t reflecting the light the way they should.
“You look different.”
Yamaguchi stilled. No, that wasn’t quite right. He hadn’t been moving to begin with. Before Tobio could blink, he bubbled back to life, all bright colors like he remembered. Only, they seemed muted.
“Yeah, I guess adulthood does that to a guy. You seem to be doing well, though! Your team is doing well, at least, and you look good.” It wasn’t uncomfortable the way that Yamaguchi’s eyes trailed down and back up his body, not suggestive or demeaning. It wasn’t analytical, searching for weaknesses in the way rivals did.
Oblivious to the deflection, Tobio felt himself perk up at the mention of volleyball. “You keep up with my team?”
“Well, yeah,” Yamaguchi replied as if pointing out the obvious. “You’re my friend.”
Something soft and warm and light glowed inside of Tobio’s chest, barely there. Yamaguchi was his friend. They hadn’t seen each other except sparingly since graduation and Yamaguchi still went out of his way to keep track of his volleyball team. It was unexpected but… Nice.
“Um, do you wanna get some coffee?”
Tobio furrowed his eyebrows. It was already late evening. “Not really.”
“Oh. Right, sorry. You probably have a crazy busy schedule.”
He wouldn’t describe it that way. His schedule was full, yes, planned out to keep everything running smoothly. But that was calming, reassuring in its sturdy foundation, not crazy or stress-inducing.
Once again missing his cue to speak, Yamaguchi continued. “I’ll get going. See you around, I guess?”
“Wait!” Yamaguchi stopped and turned, alarmed. An elderly woman passing by with a shopping cart gave him a disapproving shake of her head. Tobio looked over his too-slender frame again, taking note of the purplish bags under his too-dark eyes. “I can make an extra bento tomorrow if you want. For you.”
Yamaguchi chuckled behind his hands, that same soft sound from before. Tobio decided he hated it. He’d heard his real laugh before and it was nothing like that. His movements were all wrong, too. It was like Yamaguchi was an impostor in his own body.
“That’s okay, Kageyama. I wouldn’t want you to go to the trouble.”
“But you look small.”
Yamaguchi’s face did this weird, twisty thing and Tobio tried to rephrase. “I meant-”
Another laugh and Yamaguchi’s features were back to normal. “I know, I know. I haven’t played volleyball or even gone to a gym in probably over a year now. Didn’t realize it was that noticeable. But, thank you. For the offer. I’m glad you’re doing well, Kageyama.”
Before he could voice another objection, Yamaguchi hurried in the opposite direction. Had he done something wrong? Well, obviously calling people small wasn’t great. He hadn’t meant it negatively, though. Surely, someone like Yamaguchi was smart enough to understand that. While he’d originally hidden in Tsukishima’s shadow, Yamaguchi displayed further into their first year and the years since that quite good with people. He read them and interacted with them well enough, even despite the part of him who liked to mock and tease in whispers to the intolerable middle blocker.
Tobio couldn’t get over the nagging feeling that something happened to Yamaguchi, but at the same time knew in his gut that it wasn’t his place to ask.
***
Tadashi tipped back the remainder of his wine as he scrolled through a long line of texts. While he didn’t miss Mayumi, his ex, he couldn’t help but miss some of the better feelings she’d brought. He shut off his phone screen with a tired sigh and poured another glass. Just when had he become so self-pitying?
He opened his contacts and hovered over the call button next to Tsukki’s name before deciding on a text. Tsukki was fairly busy these days.
>Hey, Tsukki! Got a minute?
Tsukki:
>I was about to go to bed. What’s up?
Tadashi grimaced and took a long swig of wine, something within himself deflating. Of course he was going to bed, he had filled his schedule to the brim with classes, working at the museum, and practicing with the Frogs. Their monthly get-together wasn’t for another week and a half. He still didn’t know about Tadashi’s break up (that he’d truly meant to bring up the last time they’d hung out).
>Oh my bad! It’s not important, I hope you sleep well!
Tadashi sighed and stared into his wine glass and wondered if he’d hated himself more in his earlier school days than he did now. It was a tough call. His phone buzzed again.
Tsukki:
>You sure?
Paranoia bubbled up in his chest, drawing his lungs tight.
>How are things with you and mayumi?
Tadashi would have laughed if not for the fear that pierced through his chest. He’d laugh because Tsukki was one of the most proper texters he knew, yet when he didn’t respect someone, he seemed to always “forget” to capitalize their name. He didn’t laugh, however, because Tsukki knew . Tsukki had to know. There was no way he’d ask if he didn’t. He had been quick to voice his distaste for Mayumi within minutes of knowing her.
>Things are great :D want me to tell her you said hi?
Tadashi hated himself. He did. He’d grown so much in his years at Karasuno. Captaincy had brought on a very new and different level of confidence that he hadn’t been sure of at first. Maybe he’d been right not to lean into it immediately because here he was: a coward again. At this point, he’d have to wait another month before breaking the news to Tsukki. He felt a strange strangling feeling in his chest. He wanted to talk to Tsukki but how could he understand? He needed to vent his feelings to somebody soon or he would simply implode. There was Hinata, but he was so cheerful and overly positive. Tadashi didn’t think he could handle that right now. There was Suga or Ennoshita, but he hadn’t talked to them regularly in such a long time.
He swiped away Tsukki’s message as it came in without pausing to read it, hovering over Kageyama’s contact information. Did he even still have the same number? Probably not, right?
>Hey
He shut off the screen and walked away, leaving it facedown on the couch for good measure as he opened some cabinets in the kitchen. Seeing nothing of interest, he went to the fridge. Nothing there sounded tolerable either, despite the shopping trip only yesterday.
With no decent distractions, he returned to his phone. He eyed it warily for a moment before ultimately picking it up. To his surprise, Kageyama had already replied.
Kageyama:
>Yamaguchi?
>whts up
His brows shot up and he hastily typed out a response.
>Not much. Just can’t find anything good on tv and wanted to apologize for being weird at the store yesterday
He huffed. Was it doubly weird to apologize for being weird? Or was the weirdness halved for realizing and owning up to it? Glancing at a throw pillow and contemplating whether or not it would feel freeing or make him feel even weirder to scream into it, he almost missed his phone screen lighting up again.
Kageyama:
>Wanna play this stupid space game w me n Hinata?
Space game?
>Theirs an imposter and crew mates and Kenma keeps winning
>I think hes cheating
Tadashi muffled a snort with his hand. Hinata had convinced Kageyama to play Among Us ? And with Kenma, of all people? Wasn’t he a professional gamer now or something?
Knowing he didn’t really have the energy to keep a happy facade up for however long their gaming session would continue, he politely declined. He sipped at his wine, expecting their conversation to be over, and scrolled through the seemingly endless list of movies and TV shows available for his viewing pleasure. None of them looked at all interesting.
When his phone lit up again, he frowned. Kageyama was asking him if he’d eaten dinner? Had he really lost that much weight from not playing volleyball? Maybe going to the gym wasn’t such a bad idea.
He replied with a positive, though it was more of a snack than a meal. Kageyama insisted on bringing over a bento and this time, Tadashi felt a bit more hesitant to decline. After all, it would just be this once, and having some company would be nice.
Wait, shit. His apartment was a mess. Well, not exactly a mess, but it was cluttered to the point that if Tsukki was the one coming over, he’d give it his most unimpressed once-over. Tadashi didn’t want Kageyama to think he was some kind of slob. He flitted around his living room, returning things to their proper places and tossing any trash in the waste basket in his kitchen.
A knock came at the door while Tadashi held a dirty pair of boxers in his hand (and no recollection of how or when they’d ended up buried between his couch cushions).
“Just a minute!”
***
Tobio waited at the door, tugging his scarf up under his chin to fight off the December chill. He could count on two hands the number of times he’d interacted with Yamaguchi alone and one of those was just yesterday. Still, he wasn’t nervous. Tobio didn’t get nervous. Especially not because of his former captain, who had the malicious intent of a baby deer.
He smirked. Yamaguchi was a bit like a baby deer if he thought about it. Lanky and speckled and kind of clumsy. And his eyes were a really dark brown. Didn’t deer have brown eyes? Deers? No, deer sounded right. Yamaguchi would probably know.
The door swung open. “Hey, Kageyama– you okay?”
“Do deer have brown eyes?” he blurted before finding the sensibility to just shut up. Yamaguchi blinked a few times in bewilderment before venturing an answer.
“Um. I think so? Most of them, at least. Is this a bet you have going with Hinata?”
“What? No.”
Yamaguchi narrowed his eyes and tilted his head slightly. “Okay. Would you like to come in?”
Tobio nodded, eager to get out of the cold. He toed off his shoes and shrugged off his scarf and coat. “Pardon the intrusion.”
Yamaguchi chuckled, soft and light. “It’s just me here. No need to worry about formalities.”
“I thought you lived with your girlfriend,” Tobio replied, the statement lilting up like a question. Even a blind person would have noticed the way Yamaguchi stiffened.
“Ah. N-no, we broke up a bit over a month ago.” There was that quiet laugh again, the one that felt wrong. “It’s okay though, I’m in a better headspace now that it’s over.”
“Oh,” Tobio mumbled flatly. How were people supposed to respond to that? “That’s… good?”
Rather than commenting on how strangled he sounded, Yamaguchi gave him a gentle smile, hesitant but genuine. “It’s okay, Kageyama. I’m not going to make you stand there and listen to me rant about my romantic ineptitude.”
Ineptitude? Tobio nodded stiffly though he had absolutely no idea what the word meant. He held out the bento. “I brought this.”
Yamaguchi laughed again and took it. “Thank you. You really didn’t have to go out of your way like this for me.”
“It was better than listening to half of the Black Jackals team shouting ‘sus’ over discord,” he replied honestly. It earned him another laugh, closer to the full-bodied guffaws he remembered from their days going to Karasuno. He decided he’d get that laugh out of him at some point tonight, the one where he’d snort and then laugh even harder because of it, eyes crinkled shut and nose scrunched the tiniest bit.
“Oh, this smells amazing!”
Tobio floated over to the counter where Yamaguchi stared down at the bento he’d made.
“I’m still not great at cooking, but it’s edible.”
Yamaguchi speared him with a glare. “I’m sure it tastes fantastic.” He plucked a piece of broccoli and placed it in his mouth, chewing and speaking with his mouth still full.
“Kageyama, um-”
Tobio froze, listening.
“This broccoli is completely raw.”
Oh. “Was I supposed to cook it?”
Yamaguchi choked, coughing and laughing and gasping for air in turn. Tobio nearly smirked at the accomplishment before remembering Yamaguchi was laughing at his food. Once he regained proper use of his lungs, Yamaguchi shook his head. “You don’t have to, I guess. I was just expecting it to be cooked. The chicken isn’t raw, is it?”
“No. Eating raw chicken is a health hazard, Yamaguchi.”
Bright peals of laughter filled the otherwise too quiet apartment and Tobio couldn’t help but relax at the sound. It sounded like Summer, like long days in the gym, sprints up a grassy hill. It sounded like the Yamaguchi he remembered.
Once Yamaguchi had eaten his fill and offered Tobio something to drink, they settled on the couch in silence. Tobio sipped at his water. Yamaguchi sipped at his wine. Tobio stared at the black TV screen and Yamaguchi glanced everywhere but at him.
“So, want to watch a movie or something? Unless you need to head home, it’s getting pretty late.”
Tobio cleared his throat. “A movie sounds nice. I can see if everyone’s still playing Among Us if you want.”
“I thought you hated it,” Yamaguchi commented with a cocked brow, the whisper of a smile on his lips.
“Because Kenma kept winning and Hinata always took his side. If we teamed up it might be more fun.”
After thinking it over a minute, Yamaguchi nodded with a determined glint in his eyes. “Sure! Let’s do it!”
As it turned out, everyone was still playing that stupid game. They all cheered when Tobio reentered the discord call, then cheered louder when he announced that Yamaguchi was with him as well.
“Yamaguchi!” Hinata cried, voice entirely too loud over his phone speaker. “Yamaguchi, you have to be green with the ‘lil plant sprout! It looks just like you!”
“Okay, okay, Hinata. Calm down, I’ll be green.”
There was a giddy shriek that cut in and out, followed by something unintelligible.
“Hinata, go get a glass of water,” Kenma ordered. “Sorry, guys, it kind of turned into a drinking game after Kageyama left.”
Tobio didn’t get the chance to remind them he’d left not even an hour ago. Hinata’s voice rang clearly over Kenma’s. “I’m not even tipsy! I’ll go get some water, though.”
“I think he’s telling the truth, actually,” came Bokuto’s voice, as deadly serious as Kageyama had ever heard him. “Hinata is scary good at holding his liquor.”
“Right. Why doesn’t that surprise me?” Yamaguchi responded with a chuckle. “Um, I have some wine but I don’t think Kageyama wants to drink.”
He gave Tobio a warm smile, nonjudgemental. Of course, Tobio couldn’t help but take it as a challenge. Especially if Hinata was drinking.
“No, I’ll have a glass.”
Yamaguchi’s eyes widened, but he nodded and shuffled to the kitchen to retrieve an empty wine glass.
“You really don’t have to drink, Kageyama,” he whispered so that nobody on call could hear. It wasn’t like they were listening, though. They were too busy shouting over each other about some play Atsumu had made in the last volleyball practice.
“I’ll only have one glass,” Tobio responded, hoping to put Yamaguchi more at ease. Luckily, his shoulders relaxed a bit and he poured a burgundy liquid into the glass. Tobio took a sip and winced.
Yamaguchi chuckled empathetically, “Not good?”
“I’ll survive,” Tobio assured, though he wasn’t entirely certain.
After a bit of corralling, they were finally able to start another match. Tobio got the role of Impostor along with Bokuto. The universe hated him.
Yamaguchi followed him around from the beginning, never leaving his side. It was decidedly unhelpful when he needed to be alone in order to kill someone. Hinata’s character wandered up to them, running in tight circles. Yamaguchi’s character was inactive on the screen, presumably doing a task. Taking the chance, Tobio hit the kill button. Yamaguchi snorted and reported the body. Great.
“Guys! Hinata’s dead! Kageyama and I just ran up on the body!”
Wait. What?
“Hm. Kuroo’s dead, too. Where’s everyone else?” Kenma queried.
“I’m tryin’ to blast these stupid asteroids and now I gotta start all over! Ya couldn’t have waited another two seconds?!”
Bokuto snorted, “And I’m in Weapons with Atsumu.”
“Running through Cafeteria,” Sakusa voiced flatly. “Just passed Atsumu and Bokuto in Weapons.”
“And where was the body?” Kenma asked.
Yamaguchi made a confused sound. “It was down at the bottom? Like, in the middle?”
“Electrical,” Tobio affirmed.
“Ah. They probably vented out already,” Akaashi observed. “Any sus?”
“Nah, but I don’t think it was Yamaguchi,” came Bokuto’s voice again. “It sounds like he hasn’t played before and reporting your own kill is pretty ballsy. Especially if Kageyama was right there.”
There was a general agreement before the next round started. Yamaguchi sent him a wink and his character darted off. Tobio followed.
They arrived in electrical where Atsumu was once again on asteroids. Bokuto cut the lights and Yamaguchi disappeared from his line of sight. Quickly, he killed Atsumu and ran off to find him. His kill timer had completely reset and lights were back on with Yamaguchi still nowhere to be found.
“Kageyama,” whispered real-life Yamaguchi from his side. He looked up from his screen. “You need to take out Kenma.”
Tobio nodded and continued along the bottom of the map. His luck must have run out because he couldn’t find anyone before a meeting was called.
“I think it’s Bokuto,” Kenma spoke after a beat of silence. Sakusa was also dead.
“What?!”
“You never kill Akaashi and I know you guys were alone in Comms for a while.”
The red stamp stating that he voted appeared over Kenma’s name, then Bokuto’s.
“That’s just a coincidence! I’m voting Kenma!”
Yamaguchi voted, then Akaashi.
“And I’m guessing Yamaguchi maybe? Since Bokuto was so quick to stand up for him before?”
Tobio voted for Kenma without hesitation. The tallies went up, displaying two against Bokuto and three against Kenma. The impostors won.
“Yamaguchi! I can’t believe you watched Kageyama kill me and then stood up for him!”
“Kageyama! While I was in tha middle of asteroids!?”
“Yamaguchi, you know the point was to not let the impostors win, right?”
Yamaguchi laughed, and Tobio wondered if this was his first time in the presence of true evil. “I’m on the side of chaos.”
The discord call was silent for a beat before erupting into absolute chaos, perhaps according to plan. Yamaguchi gave him a triumphant smile. Tobio hid whatever weird thing his face was doing by taking a large gulp of wine. He shuddered. It was still gross.
They played a few more games before everyone called it a night. Yamaguchi turned to him after everyone bid their goodbyes, grinning brightly.
“Want to watch a movie?”
While he meant to say no and inform him that he had to be up for his morning jog in little more than five hours, what came out was, “You choose? ”
“ The Owl House? It’s not a movie but it’s really good!”
There was little he could do but nod as Yamaguchi rambled on, setting up the tv and launching a blanket directly into Tobio’s face. Still, he continued on about characters and plots that Tobio was completely unfamiliar with, but he rather didn’t mind it. Maybe it was due to the wine, making him feel warm and fuzzy. Maybe that’s also why he didn’t scowl when Yamaguchi plopped down right next to him on the couch, crowding into his space. It wasn’t horrible, actually, being pressed together from knee to hip, shoulder to shoulder.
“Kageyama?”
He blinked and turned to meet Yamaguchi’s dark eyes.
“You okay?”
He nodded, eyes catching on a stray eyelash on Yamaguchi’s cheek. When he reached to brush it away, Yamaguchi flinched backward. First, he was confused. Then, something hot and angry, yet icy and horrified bubbled up in Tobio’s chest.
“Did-”
“No,” Yamaguchi interrupted, uncomfortable but sincere. “She did a lot of things but she never hit me.”
Tobio swallowed thickly, jaw clenched. He didn’t know the right words. “Just because she didn’t hit you doesn’t mean she didn’t hurt you.”
Something harsh that almost resembled a laugh ripped from Yamaguchi’s lungs, punching the air from Tobio as well. “Yeah. It took a while but I figured that out.” Softer, barely a whisper that Tobio surely wasn’t supposed to hear, Yamaguchi continued, “Almost wish she would’ve hit me so I would have known sooner.”
Without thinking, Tobio tugged Yamaguchi into him. It was awkward and stiff, but some alarm at the back of his mind screamed not to let him go.
“Don’t-” He swallowed. “Don’t say that.”
Yamaguchi’s arms tightened around him, holding him for a beat, then two. His eyes shone with unshed tears when he pulled back just enough to look at him.
“I didn’t mean it like that. I just meant-” Yamaguchi huffed and allowed his head to fall forward, forehead resting on the dip between Tobio’s neck and shoulder. “Physical abuse is pretty straightforward. If someone hits you, it’s wrong. Being manipulated and lied to is kind of hard to catch onto when you love someone.”
Tobio wished he could pretend he only imagined his voice breaking on the word “love,” wished he could do something to ease Yamaguchi’s fractured mind and heavy heart. All he could do was hold him tighter, as if his arms were the glue holding the different pieces of Yamaguchi together. It didn’t occur to him that that could be true.
“Thank you, Kageyama. I know this isn’t your thing, but it’s been so long since I had a hug.” His arms loosened as if he was about to pull away so Tobio held him in place. If Yamaguchi needed a hug, he could at least do that.
Yamaguchi leaned against him, letting out a soft sob. Tobio thought he felt a tear drip to his neck. “Being able to talk about it is really nice, too.”
“Wait. Am I the only one who knows about this?” Tobio questioned, irritated with the coldness in his tone.
He could almost feel Yamaguchi’s anxiety simmering below the surface, his fingers knitted tightly into his shirt. “I- I was going to tell someone. It was just never the right time, and I couldn’t worry my mom like that and-”
“Yamaguchi,” Tobio cut him off. He ran his fingers awkwardly through Yamaguchi’s hair, suppressing the weird, sparkling feeling of delight at its softness. “It’s fine. But people… care about you.”
Yamaguchi laughed at his strangled yet somewhat robotic speech fluctuations and peered up at him, a mischievous twinkle in his eyes. Tear tracks stained his cheeks, going right over freckles rather than swerving around them. Not that Tobio thought they would. “Never thought I’d get emotional advice from you.”
Tobio scowled.
“It’s good advice, though! Promise!” Yamaguchi assured with a laugh, poking his cheek. His face softened. “Thank you.”
Tobio’s face felt hot and he studied an empty space on the wall, grunting quietly rather than attempting to speak. Yamaguchi spared him, if not looking a bit too pleased for Tobio’s taste. He readjusted to face the TV, his head resting on Tobio’s shoulder. His hand curled into the loose fabric at the bottom of Tobio’s T-shirt, but neither of them commented on it. They watched Yamaguchi’s show in comfortable silence, broken up by the occasional laughter or Yamaguchi’s commentary or Tobio’s questions. He didn’t feel it creeping up on him, but they eventually both fell asleep.
***
Tadashi awoke the next morning sprawled over Kageyama. He attempted to free himself and thus save both of them from an awkward conversation, but Kageyama’s arms tightened around him the second he moved.
Unable to do much else, he reached for his phone.
Tsukki:
>Stopped by to check on you but you were asleep. Breakfast is in the fridge. Call me when you’re free.
He panicked for a moment. Had Tsukki seen them and gotten the wrong idea? Wait, Tadashi still hadn’t even told him about Mayumi yet!
>There should be enough to share. Tell Kageyama I’ll end his volleyball career if he hurts you.
A soft smile spread across his face. He typed out a quick reply, assuring Tsukki that he’d explain and asking if he had free time to meet up this week. Fresh nerves buzzed in his stomach but, satisfied that this would do for now, he placed his phone back down and rested his head on Kageyama’s chest. He allowed himself to relax to the steady breathing and booming heart beneath him.
Things hurt just a bit less, and Tadashi held onto that. He wasn’t magically cured, but he had his friends. With them at his side, he could heal. He could hurt and lean on them without worrying that they would leave. Life wasn’t easy, but he remembered for the first time in too long that he wasn’t living it alone.