Chapter Text
have you ever wandered lonely through the woods?
and everything there feels just as it should
you're part of the life there
you're part of something good
if you've ever wandered lonely through the woods
September
“Get her out of here, Joel. Go. I’ll be right behind you, but I can’t do this if either of you are in danger,” Tess insists roughly.
Joel shakes his head and grabs for the Molotov in her hand, waiting to be lit. “Your ankle is fucked. I can run faster. You take her.”
“No,” Tess insists, stumbling in her haste to get away from him. “No. You take her; you go. You’re stronger; you can protect her better than I can.”
Joel stares at Tess, calculating her odds, before swinging around to grab Ellie’s wrist. “Let’s go,” he grunts as he starts to pull her away.
“No! Get off me, you fucker! I’m not going with you!” Ellie cries, fighting against the iron grip Joel has on her arm. He ignores her and continues to pull her along in his wake. They stumble forward, nearing the bottom of the steps, when a sudden explosion rocks the building, heat searing along their necks and arms as the fireball makes its way skyward. Ellie and Joel are pushed forward, landing awkwardly on their sides as they try to avoid hitting their heads. Fiery debris rains down around them.
Joel scrambles to his feet and whips around, aiming his rifle at the building as he scans for Tess. Where is she? Suddenly, a figure in the tall grass to their left moves, coughing as they stumble to their feet. Joel jogs forward to meet Tess, who is bent at the waist, trying to catch her breath.
“I’m fine,” Tess wheezes, waving him off as she gets to her feet. “Just… got the wind knocked outta me.”
Ellie approaches more slowly, her eyes wide as she looks between Joel, Tess, and the now-burning State House. Her ears are ringing fiercely from the blast. Tess and Joel seem to be having some sort of silent conversation, and for a moment it makes rage bubble in Ellie’s gut. She’s supposed to be with Marlene and the Fireflies, not two fucking smugglers who are capable of god-knows-what. And Marlene knew her mom. Marlene could have spent the trip West telling her stories, giving her a taste of who her mom was. But no, Marlene is injured, maybe dead, and she’s stuck with Oscar the fucking Grouch and his fucking muppeteer.
Not that she’d been looking forward to being part of a military convoy crossing the country, mind. But the prospect of learning about her mom…
She’s drawn from her thoughts by Joel, who is crouching slightly in front of her so that they’re at eye level. “…kid?”
It seems like this isn’t the first time he’s tried to get her attention. Ellie blinks and takes a step back when she sees how close Joel has gotten to her. He holds a hand up in apology. “Your head is bleedin’,” he says quietly. “You hit it?”
She takes another step back, eyes darting between Joel and Tess once more. “No,” she says as she raises a shaking hand to her temple, staring at her fingers when they come away stained red. “I don’t think so.”
“Still got that handkerchief?” he grunts, one hand held out expectantly. Ellie fishes it out of her pocket and hands it to him, quickly pulling away and fisting her hand when she notices the tremor in it. He doesn’t say anything, but instead lightly grasps her chin and tips her head so that he can see the cut. He dabs at it with the handkerchief, nodding slightly to himself. “Not deep. You’ll live.”
“Good to know,” she says dismissively. Ellie steps around Joel to approach Tess. “What do we do now?”
“We?” Tess questions. “Joel and I are going to discuss our plan. You,” she emphasizes the word, “will stay here until we come back.”
Joel looks between Tess and the State House. “FEDRA ain’t gonna let a blast like this go. They’ll be sendin’ trucks. We gotta get outta the city, at least. Get some rest, plan, start fresh in the mornin’,” he says slowly. “Need to move. Now.”
Tess’s eyes are sharp as they rake over his face, but Joel ignores it. “Alright. Kid,” she says to Ellie. “Stay alert.”
Ellie is quiet as Tess leads the three of them through the city, into the Boston suburbs, and out to the mystical land of Bill and Frank. Quieter than she had been before the State House, at least. She can feel Joel’s attention on her sometimes while they walk and it makes her skin prickle. He’s more than demonstrated he really is going to protect her, but still… she’d learned the hard way you can never be too careful.
They walk in tense silence for hours before Tess juts her chin at a clearing. “This’ll work.”
“Work for what?” Ellie asks, tone tinged with tired curiosity.
“A place to sleep. Pick a tree. Check for ants before you sit,” Tess says shortly before turning to Joel. She glances at the path to the river and he nods and starts walking down it. Tess turns back to Ellie. “Stay here. You need help, you yell. Got it?”
“Got it,” Ellie parrots a little petulantly. She walks to the middle of the clearing and listens as Tess and Joel move out of earshot. When she’s certain they’re gone, she eyes the surrounding trees for the most comfortable bed. She sits in four different spots before finding one that fits just right. The vague memory of a story about… porridge? No, a shoe. And a blonde chick who slept with bears. Whatever it is, it flits through her head.
Ellie whips around at the sound of brush moving, only to find Joel emerging on the path. “Tess is washin’ up,” he explains when he notices Ellie looking behind him. “You got food left?”
“A sandwich, yeah,” she answers quickly. It’s strange that he’s suddenly interacting with her willingly, but then again he kind of doesn’t have a choice in the matter.
He nods slightly, idly scanning the surrounding woods. “Have half tonight, other half in the mornin’. We got a five-hour hike tomorrow,” he says.
Her eyes go wide and she unconsciously steps closer to him. “We… including me? I can come too?”
Joel rolls his eyes and gives her another are you stupid look. “No, we’re gonna leave a little girl in the fuckin’ woods,” he says accusatorily.
“How should I know?” Ellie shoots back angrily. “Tess made it sound like I might be on my own!”
He shakes his head dismissively. “Enough. Half the sandwich now,” he reminds her as if she were a small child with limited attention span before stepping away to presumably do a lap of whatever arbitrary perimeter he’s set up. Ellie settles into her spot and pulls her backpack in between her knees. She’s not really hungry yet so she has a quarter of it, eyes flitting around the clearing. It smells so different out here, beyond the constricting walls of the QZ. Honestly, Ellie hadn’t even realized that the walls were so confining until now. There’s just nature. It all feels so.. clean. Fresh.
Alive.
She’s packing away the remains of her dinner when Joel returns, Tess by his side. Tess tosses her bag against a tree several feet away from Ellie and stands over her. “We’ll take you to Bill and Frank’s, see what we can do with you,” she says.
Ellie bristles internally at Tess’s tone, but she swallows it in favor of blurting out: “Are they nice?” She can’t help the question; if she’s going to be stuck with more strangers, she wants to know as much about them as possible.
Joel looks sidelong at her. “Frank is,” he says after a moment.
Ellie nods sharply, her gaze bouncing between Tess and Joel as she tries to think of what to say next. “Hey, do you know a story about, like… a blonde chick who wrestles bears for cereal and a bed that’s just right?”
Tess gives her an amused look before shaking her head and kneeling next to her pack. Ellie turns her face to Joel, her expression pleading. “Do you, Joel? You’re only like, a million years old, you must know what I’m talking about.”
“I look like a goddamn library to you?” Joel mutters angrily as he scans the treeline above her.
She glances back to Tess, who is absorbed in whatever she’s doing, before taking a step closer to Joel. “You look like… someone who knows what I’m talking about. I bet you tell really good stories when you want to. Please, Joel? I won’t ask you any more questions.”
He snorts, and Ellie realizes it’s the first time she’s seen an emotion other than irritation from him. “I should be so lucky,” he sneers. After a moment, he glances at her and starts speaking. “Goldilocks and the Three Bears. Goldilocks broke into the bears’ house and tried their bowls of porridge. One was too hot, one was too cold, and one was just right.”
“Shit, that’s right. I forgot about the crimes. What about the beds? Why was she sleeping in a bear’s bed?” Ellie asks eagerly.
Joel sighs as if she has asked him to scour a haystack for a pin. “First she broke two of their chairs in her search for a ‘just right’ one. Then she tried all their beds because she was tired of bein’ a brat,” he grounds out.
Her eyes are wide as she bounces excitedly on her toes. “What did they do? Did they eat her? I bet they fucking ate her.”
“What kinda fairy tales do they tell you in FEDRA? She ran away when they found her sleepin’ in the ‘just right’ bed. They never saw her again.” Joel takes one last look around the clearing before selecting the tree furthest from Ellie’s and sitting against it.
Tess’s eyes glitter with amusement as she looks between Joel and Ellie. “Think she learned her lesson about touching other people’s shit?” Tess asks Ellie as she reclines against a tree.
“I mean, waking up to find a fucking bear standing over you probably makes you think about what you’ve done to get to that point,” Ellie offers as she sits down once again.
Tess tilts her head to the side in agreement.
The trio falls into silence as night descends. Ellie shifts restlessly, her movements entirely ignored by Joel. Tess, however, gets up and crouches next to her. Ellie isn’t that surprised when Joel tenses, his handgun pointed in her direction. “Let me see your arm,” Tess says quietly.
Ellie pushes up her sleeve and holds her arm out to Tess, who takes it and holds it up to the light. “Fuckin’ incredible,” Tess breathes, looking back at Joel. “It’s actually fuckin’ healing.”
“Told you I’m not sick,” Ellie offers testily. Tess drops her arm and stands, arms crossed in front of her chest.
“Look,” Tess begins, and it’s with some amusement that Ellie notices Joel perk up slightly at the tone of Tess’s voice. “You’re old enough to have a say in what happens to you now. You can’t go to a QZ.” Ellie nods in acknowledgment. “Bill and Frank, they may be willing to take you in. Their town is secure, and they could probably use the help. Bill can teach you how to maintain everything.”
Ellie’s chest tightens at the thought of being alone with two strange men. Being alone with Joel is tense enough, and that’s with Tess around nearly all the time. Strangers though…
“What will they want from me?” Ellie asks quietly. She hates the high pitch of her voice and the tremor in her words that give away her insecurity.
It’s Joel who answers her. “Nothin’ like what you’re thinkin’. They ain’t gonna interested in you like… like that,” he says, stumbling a little over the words. “Probably jus’ like Tess says, learnin’ how to maintain the town.” He eyes her up and down. “Maybe fatten you up a little first so you don’t slip through the fence by accident.”
Ellie scowls at him. “Sure, make fun of the orphan. It’s not my fucking fault FEDRA wants its soldiers lean. And how can you be sure they’re not into kids?” she challenges.
Tess shakes her head. “Trust me, they’re more interested in Joel than you, kid.”
“Oh,” Ellie says slowly. “That… makes sense, then.” She doesn’t like being below Tess while her fate is determined, so Ellie scrambles to her feet. “What if they don’t want me? Or… can’t keep me, or I hate them, or whatever?”
Tess and Joel share a look Ellie can’t decipher and it makes her stomach clench in fear. “You’re not, like, just gonna leave me somewhere with no gear, right?”
“We’ll make sure you’re safe and well-supplied,” Tess says after a minute, tone markedly softer. “Go to sleep. We need to get moving early tomorrow.”
Ellie nods and takes her seat against the tree once more, leaning against it so that she can see both Joel and Tess when she has her eyes mostly shut.
Just in case.
Tess nudges him awake with the butt of the rifle. “Your turn, Tex,” she chides.
Joel groans and roughly rubs his eyes. “Yeah,” he grunts. “Yeah. Sleep well.” He stumbles to his feet and takes the rifle from Tess. It takes him a few minutes to wake up properly, and once he does, he decides to check the perimeter.
As he passes by Ellie, he notices that she is curled into the tightest possible ball, and still, a small shiver disturbs her slight frame. With a glance at Tess, who has her back to him, Joel shrugs off his jacket and carefully drapes it over Ellie’s body. She murmurs wordlessly and pulls the jacket closer, legs tucked up so that only her face is visible.
“Y’know, seeing as it’s just the three of us, I was thinking—”
Joel doesn’t even bother to roll his eyes. “No.”
Ellie turns to Tess, who shakes her head. She huffs and quickens her steps so that she’s keeping pace with Joel. “How’d you get that scar on your head?” she asks him quickly.
“Ellie,” Tess reprimands from a few yards behind them. “Enough. We’re stopping in a little while, lay off him.”
Ellie sighs woefully and slows so that she’s walking halfway in between Joel and Tess. She lets her mind wander as she counts her steps. Three hundred sixty-eight, three hundred seventy-nine… fuck. She kicks the dirt in frustration, wincing when a pebble hits Joel squarely in the back of his thigh. She can’t see his face and he doesn’t show any indication that he felt it, but somehow she knows that he is making the most assholey asshole face ever.
“Cumberland Farms,” she reads to break the tension when Joel veers off the street.
Joel glances over his shoulder at her and at Tess before slowing, his hand held out to discourage forward movement. “Hang back a minute, I gotta grab some stuff I stashed.”
Ellie follows Joel’s glance to Tess before turning to him with curiosity. “Stashed? Why do you have stuff stashed here?”
“You ask a lot of goddamn questions,” Joel mutters to himself.
“Yeah,” Ellie agrees cheerfully. “I do.”
Joel chooses to forget hearing Tess’s answering snort of amusement.
“And by Monday, everything was gone.” Joel’s voice rings true with a tinge of grief, a tone Ellie has discovered most adults use when talking about outbreak day.
“Tuesday,” Tess corrects quietly.
Ellie and Joel both turn sharply to look at Tess, who has been mostly silent as Joel explains how the outbreak unfolded. A dark expression crowds out the neutral one on Joel’s face for just a moment before it smooths over and he nods to her in apology. “By Tuesday, everything was gone,” he amends.
“Makes more sense than monkeys,” Ellie says sincerely. “Thanks.”
He looks down at her in surprise at the sincerity of her tone. “Sure,” he grunts, shaking his head slightly at the idea of being thanked for explaining the end of the world.
They take a few more steps before Joel stops and holds his arm out to prevent Ellie from going any further.
“What?” she questions as she scans the road and surrounding woods for a reason to pause.
He’s squinting as he looks at the road ahead. “We’ll cut across the woods here,” he says, gesturing to the right.
“Isn’t the road easier?” she questions, looking at him as he nods.
Tess keeps walking, leaving Ellie and Joel standing in the road. “She should know what happened, Joel. She’s old enough for the truth,” Tess calls as she continues forward.
Joel looks up and shakes his head in disapproval before heaving a sigh and gesturing to the road ahead. “After you,” he grunts.
“Why, thank you, kind sir,” Ellie answers cheerfully, increasing her speed so that she can catch up to Tess. “So what happened that I should know about?” she calls ahead. Tess slows to a stop in front of a clearing, so Ellie joins her, watching her expectantly.
Tess looks meaningfully at the clearing, and Ellie follows her gaze, eyes widening unconsciously at the uncovered human remains in front of her. A mix of disgust and curiosity rushes through her, and she turns to Joel when he catches up to them.
Joel sighs when he sees her questioning expression. “About a week after Outbreak Day, soldiers went through the countryside, evacuated the small towns. Told you you were goin’ to a QZ, and you were…” He pauses for a moment and looks away, “if there was room. If there wasn’t…”
Ellie is silent as she looks around the clearing, her expression somber. “These people weren’t sick?” she asks, teeth catching on her bottom lip as Joel answers.
“No, probably not,” he says lowly.
“Why kill them?” Ellie asks, her eyes focused on a too-small skull. “Why not just leave ‘em be?”
Tess is staring at her as she tries to understand why. “Dead people can’t be infected,” Tess answers matter-of-factly. “So the government decides to cull the population of people most likely to get infected, starting with rural America. People not likely to make it to a QZ otherwise.” Tess shakes her head in disgust and adjusts her pack. “Let’s keep moving.”
Tess starts down the road again and Ellie follows, previous exuberance dampened by reality.
“Is that where we’re going?” Ellie asks Tess as they approach a fence with several signs posted on it.
She nods and looks back at Joel. “It is. Welcome to Lincoln,” Tess says as she punches in a code and opens the gate.
Joel follows them through and closes the gate, making sure to lock it before following Ellie and Tess down the street.
She gets quiet when she’s nervous, Joel notices. He puts his hand on his gun as soon as he sees the wilted flowers at the front of Bill’s house. Tess stops in front of the pot and runs her fingers over the browning mums before giving Joel a dark look.
Joel shoulders past them both and tries the front door, closing his eyes when it opens without fanfare.
He glances back at Tess, catching her eye before slowly opening the door and stepping into the vestibule.
“Bill?” Joel calls, hope dwindling when there is no response. “Frank?”
Silence.
Tess pushes past them and heads down the hallway. “Frank?” she calls. Joel hovers uncertainly in the dining room with Ellie, focusing on the dirty plates and rotting food with a sense of impending doom.
“What if they’re gone?” Ellie’s question sounds very childish, and even though he has no reason to actually care about the cargo, he wants to reassure her that everything will be fine.
A truly ridiculous notion, since all indications are that Bill and Frank are dead.
He knows his expression belies his mounting anxiety, so instead of answering, he tells her to yell if anything happens and disappears into the kitchen.
Joel checks the refrigerator first, unsurprised to find it mostly empty. The freezer is well-stocked still, which bodes well for Ellie; she’ll have something to eat besides the jerky and hardtack in his pack.
Not that it matters.
The soft sound of someone toying with the piano reaches his ears, and with a sigh Joel turns to locate Ellie. She’s sitting in the dining room, holding an envelope as Tess reads a wrinkled piece of paper.
“Bill’s left all of this to you,” Tess says quietly. “Bunker code is the gate code, but in reverse.” She holds her hand out to him, depositing a truck key in his palm. “Left you his truck, too.”
Joel unshoulders his pack and lets it drop to the floor in the doorway. “So they’re dead?” he asks as he steps into the room.
“Few weeks ago, yeah.” Joel can feel the panic spiraling in his chest and something in his expression must give him away because Tess’s hand lands discretely on his forearm. “It’s not the end of the world,” she reminds him quietly. “We got plenty of supplies here. Take a couple of days, get our shit together, plan this route out right…” she shrugs.
He pulls away from Tess and nods sharply, squeezing his fist around the truck key before looking Tess in the eye. “I’ll see if it’s usable,” he mutters.
Joel disappears through the front door and, if he was sure Tess or Ellie wouldn’t see, he’d be bent over at the relief fresh air brings him. Instead, he hustles to the garage and busies himself with the truck. The lack of battery has him cursing until he realizes he can build it himself, and he spends the time constructing the battery keeping his mind from wandering to the question of What Do We Do About Ellie.
When he’s done and the battery is charging, Joel traipses back to the house. Ellie is seated in the same chair, expression blank with panic. “Show me your arm,” Joel demands softly.
Ellie scrambles to her feet and pulls up her sleeve to reveal her bites. Joel stares at her forearm for a moment before nodding slightly to himself. “I just finished makin’ a truck battery. It’s charging right now.”
“Okay,” Ellie says, so quiet he nearly doesn’t hear it.
“And I have a brother out in Wyoming. He’s in some kinda trouble, and I’m heading out there to find him. He used to be a Firefly.” He can’t help the way he clenches and unclenches his hands, fingers jittery even though the rest of him is composed. “And my guess is he knows where some of them are out there. Maybe they can get you to wherever this lab is.”
She nods, and he can tell from her eyes that she’s trying to not be excited about where the conversation is headed. “All right,” she says quietly.
Tess comes down the stairs, startling both Joel and Ellie. “We’re gonna need a hell of a lot more than a truck and some guns as payment if we’re movin’ her to fuckin’ Wyoming,” she says as she settles on the third step from the bottom. “I’m not taking that kinda risk without payment.”
Joel shakes his head to himself for a moment before jerking it toward the door. “Outside. You,” he says to Ellie firmly, “stay here an’ stay outta trouble.”
He heads Tess outside and down the street slightly, turning his back to the fence so he can see the house and ensure Ellie is not eavesdropping. “She’s just a kid,” he says quietly. “We leave her here, she’ll die.”
“We bring her with us, she’s just as likely to die, and then we have the Fireflies on our asses for not protecting their miracle cure,” Tess hisses in response.
Joel plants his feet, hands coming to rest on his hips. “They couldn’t protect their miracle cure, and that ain’t our fault. Look, it’s not like we can drop her at a QZ and rid ourselves of her. We might as well bring her with us. Ain’t like we’re walkin’; the truck should get us where we need to go.”
She shakes her head with disbelief and walks a few steps away before turning back to him with a flourish. “And what happens when we find Tommy and he’s got no idea where the Fireflies are? Hm? You really want to have a kid relying on us to get by?”
“You know I don’t,” he answers immediately, anger crowding his tone. “But we ain’t fuckin’ monsters, Tess. You can’t tell me you actually want to leave the kid here to fend for herself. You were worried about Bill and Frank bein’ out here alone, but now you’re okay with a little girl takin’ on this whole town?”
Tess glares at him. “I fuckin’ hate when you’re right,” she mumbles. “Fine. Fine. But she’s your responsibility. You can feed her and clean up after her. I’ll blame you if she pees on my shoes.”
He feels some of the tension in his shoulders melt away at her words. “Thank god she’s already housebroken,” he mutters.
Tess shakes her head and heads back for the house. “We’ll stay here tonight. Shower, sleep, start fresh. I grabbed one of the Fireflies’ maps; we should use that to plot the route.”
She holds the door open for Joel, who goes through and finds Ellie standing exactly where he left her. “If we’re takin’ you with us, there’s some rules you gotta follow,” he says, shifting his weight to his back foot as he stares at her expectantly. “Rule one, we keep our histories to ourselves. Rule two, you don’t tell anyone about your… condition. They see that bite mark, they won’t think it through. They’ll just shoot you. Rule three, you do what I say when I say it. We clear?” Joel asks evenly.
“Yes,” Ellie responds immediately.
Joel’s gaze doesn’t waver. “Repeat it.”
Ellie’s eyes travel to Tess before meeting Joel’s once more. “What you say goes.”
He knows his expression gives away his incredulity, but he honestly doesn’t care. “Okay,” he sighs.
Ellie takes a deep inhale and lets it out slowly. “So, what now?” she asks quietly.
“Joel and I are gonna compare our route to the Fireflies’ map. You know how to read a map?” Tess asks Ellie as she roots around in her pack for the map. Joel does the same, and soon the three of them are gathered around the end of the table.
Ellie studies the Fireflies’ map closely for a moment before pointing at Chicago. “The Chicago QZ is about to fall,” she says, trying to force some certainty into her voice. “They’ve been shipping their recruits to Boston and Atlanta to get them out.”
Tess nods slowly. “So we take 90 to Cleveland and head for 70. Go through Columbus, Indianapolis, St. Louis, and Kansas City before heading up to Omaha to pick up 80.” She looks at Ellie, calculating. “Any recruits from other QZs?
Ellie shakes her head. “No, just Chicago.”
Joel runs his finger over the route, pausing when his finger runs over Detroit. “We could—”
“Absolutely not,” Tess interrupts. “No point. And I thought you wanted to get to Tommy sooner rather than later?”
Joel straightens and fixes her with a look. “I do, but if you—”
“I don’t,” she says shortly. “Ellie,” she says, turning her attention away from Joel. “We’ll stay here tonight. There’s plenty of room upstairs. C’mon, I’ll show you where the clothes are; you can pick out a few outfits for the road.”
Ellie follows Tess upstairs, helping her to move the boxes of clothes onto a bed. “What was Joel talking about before?” she asks quietly.
“Pass,” Tess says, pausing as she opens a box labeled Ladies’ - M-L. “Put the essentials in your pack, and use one of the duffel bags in the closet for heavier gear. Winter starts early in Wyoming; I don’t want to spend a month looking for proper clothes because you didn’t bring any.”
“All right,” Ellie agrees as she digs through the box of clothes Tess handed her. “Do you know Joel’s brother?”
Tess pulls out a long-sleeved shirt and considers it for a moment before folding it and putting it to the side. “Sure, I know Tommy. We traveled together before getting to Boston.”
Ellie sets aside a warm-looking jacket and starts to look through a box of socks for a few warm pairs. “What’s he like?”
“Tommy?” Tess clarifies as she checks the tag on a pair of jeans. “He’s… idealistic. Likes to look on the bright side and all that shit.” Tess sits on the bed and looks down at the jeans in her lap. “Last Joel heard, he left the Fireflies, so he’s probably near a settlement of some sort. Tommy’s friendly and he’s got good instincts, so I’ve got to believe he hasn’t done something even more monumentally stupid than leaving the Fireflies without any kind of backup plan.”
Ellie listens intently as Tess talks about Joel’s brother, trying to imagine what he might be like. She wonders how different he is from Joel — very, if Tess is calling him friendly — and if they get along. She also wonders what caused him to leave the Fireflies. And Joel.
“Oh,” Ellie says quietly. “So, you think… he’s probably okay. In Wyoming.”
Tess carefully folds the jeans and puts them back in the box she pulled them from. “I hope so,” she responds softly. She closes the box and looks at the small pile of items Ellie has amassed next to her backpack. “That’s enough. Joel should be down in the bunker; go see if he needs any help, would you?”
“Yes, sure,” Ellie says hurriedly. She swings her bag onto her shoulder and then hesitates. “Uh…”
Tess doesn’t look up. “Make a left at the bottom of the stairs, and you’ll see the entrance if Joel’s gotten it open,” Tess says as she starts to put the boxes back.
“Got it,” Ellie says as she heads into the hallway and bounds down the stairs. She goes into the sitting room as instructed and peers curiously down the hidden stairs. “So fucking cool,” she breathes to herself as she climbs down to join Joel.
Joel is bent over a computer, glaring angrily at the screen as if that will make a difference. “Ho-ly shit,” Ellie says, awestruck as she looks around the bunker. “This guy was a genius.”
He ignores her astonishment in favor of practicality. “Grab some cans from over there. Nothin’ dented or swollen.”
Predictably, Ellie ignores him. “Dude,” she says as she runs a finger along the barrel of a shotgun, pleading eyes turning to Joel.
Joel’s gaze doesn’t waver from the security cameras. “No,” he says flatly.
“There’s a wall of them,” Ellie observes hopefully. The silent glare she receives in return speaks mountains.
She sighs dramatically and turns around. “Will you at least give me, like, a fucking...” She mimes shooting a can with a rubber band. “Slingshot! That’s it!”
He doesn’t answer, instead moving over to the ammo stored next to the guns.
Ellie pouts for a moment before reluctantly moving away from the guns. She starts to wander around the room, looking at everything with fascination. Joel watches her for a moment before turning back to his work on the computer.
“What are you doing?” Ellie asks curiously, coming up behind him.
“Trying to find out any information on where the Fireflies might be,” Joel grumbles, frustration evident in his voice.
“Oh,” Ellie says quietly, sensing that this is a touchy subject for Joel. She decides to not push further and instead continues to explore the bunker on her own.
As she moves deeper into the room, she finds shelves full of books and papers scattered everywhere. She picks one up and flips through it, trying to decipher what it all means.
Suddenly, she hears a loud thud and turns to see that Joel has slammed his fist against the computer desk in anger. “There’s nothing here,” he growls, running a hand through his hair.
All of a sudden, Ellie is very aware that she is entirely alone with a man who is much larger than her and very pissed off. It seems like a good idea to do what he asked now. Ellie hums to herself as she separates out the dented and swollen cans. There aren’t many.
She gets so absorbed in her task that she jumps a little when Joel drops a box next to her. “Put the good ones in here,” he says, gesturing to the cans. “You can leave the others.”
Ellie starts to pack the box, glancing over at Joel as she stacks the cans. “Is there anything else down here that we should bring with us?” she asks when it seems that he’s gotten his temper under control.
Joel looks over at her in surprise. “No, not down here,” he answers after a moment. “Toilet paper an’ soap are upstairs. Tess got you some better gear?”
“Some jeans and a heavy coat. They don’t have shoes that fit me,” she tells him earnestly, straightening as she places the last can in the box.
Ellie goes to lift it, only to be stopped by Joel’s finger on the back of her hand. “I got it,” he murmurs. “You can go explore the house a bit. Don’t go in the back bedroom,” he warns, “and do not leave this house under any circumstances.”
“Rodger dodger,” she replies chipperly. “Hey, do they have food I can eat? Y’know, a little pre-dinner snack?”
The thought you’ll ruin your dinner flits through his mind unbridled. “Do not use the stove,” he warns instead as she races up the stairs. He hefts the box into his arms, shaking his head as he hears her pound into the kitchen.
“And I’m telling you, I’m not sleeping in the fuckin’ truck for another night,” Tess argues, standing on the passenger side of the truck and gesturing to the deserted hunting cabin in front of them. “We have plenty of gear, and we haven’t seen people since that dust-up in North Platte. Three days ago, Joel. We’re staying here,” she says with finality.
Ellie shifts, bringing her feet up to rest on the cushion as she listens to Tess and Joel bicker. It almost seems like that’s all they do. It’s not — Tess also bosses Joel around — but Ellie is certain she has a handle on who makes the decisions between the two of them.
Ellie is about to throw her opinion into the ring to see how much she can make Joel’s jaw twitch (current record: fifteen times in one two-phrase conversation) when two horses crest the hill. Tess and Joel both immediately raise their weapons, and it’s with relief that Ellie notices Joel has moved to block her from view despite the open back door. She’s contemplating slipping out the door on Tess’s side of the car when Joel suddenly speaks.
“Tommy?”
The next few minutes are a whirlwind. Tommy hugs Joel, then Tess, and introduces them to Eugene, whom he calls his ‘patrol partner’. Joel and Tess seem to have temporarily forgotten about Ellie, and it’s not until Tommy spies her leaning against the hood of the car that he acknowledges her presence. “Howdy,” he says to her with a grin. “Tommy Miller. What’s your name, darlin’?”
“Don’t call me that,” Ellie grinds out stiffly. “I’m Ellie.”
He nods, expression kind. “My apologies, Ellie. Welcome to Wyoming, though I’m sorry you had to cross the country with this asshole,” he says, gesturing at Joel.
Joel, predictably, scowls. “Wouldn’t have had to come get you if you’d just fuckin’ radioed back,” he growls.
Tommy rolls his eyes and shares a smile with Tess before turning to Eugene. He does something with his horse’s reins, tying them to Eugene’s horse and nodding encouragingly when Eugene leads the horses away.
Ellie remains quiet as she helps Tess move some of the supplies from the backseat into the truck bed. She’s grateful when Tess has Tommy take the passenger seat because Ellie isn’t exactly thrilled with the idea of sitting next to him in the truck.
Tommy directs Joel to drive for nearly an hour before a walled community comes into view. “Home sweet home,” Tommy quips, throwing a casual smile over his shoulder at Tess and Ellie. “Usually there’s a vetting process for newcomers, but I can vouch for y’all. Eugene radioed back; soon as we’re a quarter mile out, they’ll send a group out to check y’all for infection an’ search the car. Then we’ll see about gettin’ y’all somethin’ to eat that ain’t from a can. You won’t believe the food here. I still don’t, sometimes. No more QZ cabbage water, that’s for sure.”
Joel stiffens noticeably at Tommy’s words. “Check us for infection how?” he demands.
Tommy looks over at him in confusion, brows drawing together when he clocks a similarly concerned expression on Tess’s face. “We got a dog, trained to alert when he smells cordyceps,” he says slowly. “Why’s it matter?”
Tess and Joel have a two-second-long conversation with their eyes in the rearview mirror that ends in Tess subtly nodding. Joel’s eyes flit over to Ellie’s for the barest moment before he sighs heavily and puts the car in park. “Your patrol can check me an’ Tess. Not the kid,” he says gruffly.
Tommy’s baffled expression would probably make Ellie laugh in other circumstances; now, though, it feels like a death sentence. “Joel, if she’s infected…” Tommy starts.
“I’m not sick,” Ellie pipes in, earning exasperated looks from both Joel and Tess.
Tommy turns in his seat to peer closely at her. “Then why can’t Jackson’s patrol check you for infection?” he asks warily.
She looks to Tess for help, eyes growing wide as she realizes she has no idea how to explain herself. Tess regards her for a moment before shoving Tommy’s shoulder. “Don’t gawk. FEDRA scanner showed a positive result when we were leaving Boston. That was a week ago. Now, it’s pretty obvious she’s not a fuckin’ salad topping, and we’re not looking for trouble with your…” She pauses as she searches for the right word. “…settlement.” Tess’s gaze is piercing as they get closer to the walls. “So if we’re gonna have a problem, Miller, I need to know now.”
Tommy’s eyes narrow as he avoids Tess’s attempt to keep him facing forward. “Those scanners pick up infection within thirty seconds of a bite,” he says slowly. He fixes Ellie with a somber stare. “You bit?”
“Of course not,” Ellie protests loudly. “Do you really think Mr. Sunshine over there would be driving me all the fuck around the country if I was just gonna turn?”
Joel clears his throat, garnering everyone’s attention. “If you can’t guarantee her safety, we’ll drop you and come back once we’ve delivered her, if…” There’s a little hitch in his voice that Ellie’s never heard before. “If you’ll have us,” Joel finishes.
Tommy finally turns around, facing the windshield once more. “Ellie,” he says hesitantly. “You, uh… you’re real afraid of dogs, ain’tcha?”
She’s about to ask him what the fuck he’s talking about when she realizes he’s giving her an out. “Yeah,” she says slowly, the words feeling almost mealy in her mouth. “I can’t… get out of the car if there’s one.”
He nods resolutely. “Kid’s afraid of dogs,” he tells Joel genially. Ellie genuinely can’t detect a difference in Tommy’s tone or body language even though she knows he’s bullshitting. “I’m sure Gustavo will be fine with Ellie stayin’ in the car as long as y’all let Buckley vet you.” Tommy nods to himself before twisting to look at Ellie once more. “So how’d you get yourself mixed up with these two?” he asks, a kind expression on his face.
Before Ellie or Joel can respond, Tess smoothly cuts in. “She’s cargo.”
Joel and Tommy exchange a look so brief that Tess doesn’t even notice. “What kind of cargo?” Tommy asks, voice lowering.
“The fuckin’ valuable kind that’s none of your business, Thomas,” Tess says flatly.
Joel can sense Ellie tensing behind him, and it doesn’t sit right in his chest. “We can talk about that later,” Joel interrupts with a surreptitious glance at Ellie, who’s mouthing ‘Thomas’. “What’s this settlement of yours called, anyway?”
Tommy leans back in the seat, arms crossed in front of his chest. “Jackson. Been there ‘bout a year or so now. Look, uh... I wasn’t exactly supposed to be on the radio to you at all,” he admits a bit sheepishly. “‘Preciate it if you didn’t say anything about that.”
Joel gives Tommy a look before nodding. “We can do that.” He turns his attention back to driving, slowing to a stop when the Jackson patrol approaches.
“Everyone out,” Tommy says once Joel has the car turned off. He twists to look at Ellie. “You too, darlin’. You should get back in when the dog does its job; I’ll make sure you can.”
The inspection goes quickly and without a hitch, and soon enough the four of them are slowly trailing behind the horses. Once they’re through the gate, Tommy has Joel pull off to the side. “Mechanic’ll come drive her around to the garage,” he tells them as they step out of the car. “We’ll unload everything later.”
“No,” Tess says as Joel locks the truck and pockets the key. “We’re not unloading until we have a plan.”
Ellie is bursting with the need to ask Tommy if he knows where the Fireflies are, but the tense lines in both Tess’s and Joel’s shoulders tell her now is not the time; she needs to let them be in charge.
They eat, they get a tour, and they’re shown to a house.
Joel volunteers to shower first, more than ready to ease some of the tension driving for days has wrought. Ellie looks the slightest bit panicked when he takes his leave of the group, but he chalks that up to her unease around another adult.
He makes his way upstairs to the master bedroom, closing the door behind him and just breathing, enjoying the moment of solitude. As he starts toward the bathroom, he hears Ellie on the stairs and then in the hallway as she presumably seeks out the other bathroom.
Joel steps into the small bathroom, closing the door behind him. The shower is basic, just a tub with a curtain, but it feels like heaven after a week in a car. The water pressure is surprisingly good, and the water is pleasantly hot. He stands in the shower a few minutes longer than he normally would, eyes closed as the water beats down on him.
Shutting off the water and stepping out of the shower, Joel leans over the sink for a minute, studying his reflection. He shakes his head slightly before dressing and going downstairs.
When he emerges from the stairwell, he hears Tess and Tommy arguing about Ellie. He’s about to try brokering peace when he catches a flash of a ponytail outside the living room window. With a sigh, he grabs both his jacket and Ellie’s and steps through the front door, wincing at the chilly bite of wind that hits him in the face. He turns to look for her as Ellie disappears around the corner of the house. “I ain’t chasin’ you all around this house,” he calls out as he takes a few steps in Ellie’s direction. “Come get your jacket before you freeze to death.”
She stops moving entirely, and with another sigh, Joel traipses around the corner, stopping short when he nearly bowls Ellie over. “Jacket,” he says as he steps back and holds it out to her.
Ellie moves slowly, taking the jacket from him and slipping it on with trembling hands. She wraps her arms around her chest, and Joel can see that the knuckles on her visible hand are white with how hard she’s gripping herself. In fact, when he takes the time to properly examine her, he feels like he’s looking at a twenty-two-year-old Tommy, clean-shaven and hair cropped close, arms wrapped around himself in a desperate attempt to stave off a panic attack or flashback.
“Hey,” he says hesitantly, not exactly sure what he’s supposed to do about the situation. ‘What to do with the miracle kid you sort-of-maybe-definitely kidnapped and dragged across the country’ is not something he’s ever considered before.
The longer he stands here, the more she pales and the more her breaths start to sound like small wheezes. “Hey,” he repeats, voice gentler. “Do you trust me?”
She makes eye contact with him for half a second before looking at her feet and nodding sharply just once.
Joel steps forward slowly and reaches forward to pry her fingers away from her arms. When he has her hands encased in his, he squeezes firmly. “You’re okay,” he rumbles. “You’re safe.”
There’s a tremor to her that he can feel but not see. “You’re safe,” he repeats as he tightens his grip.
Ellie exhales sharply through her teeth, eyes closing as she tries to compose herself. Joel adjusts his grip so that his thumbs can run slowly back and forth over Ellie’s wrists. She tenses, the skin around her eyes crinkling as she squeezes them together. She’s not safe. Not now. Not ever again. How can he be saying that when was sentenced to death in a mall in Boston a month ago? Just because he’s not her executioner doesn’t mean he gets to just say shit like this.
“Ellie.” He shifts his grip so that he has two of her hands in one of his and carefully slides the other hand between Ellie’s shoulder blades. When she doesn’t immediately throw him off, he disentangles the other hand, takes another step forward, and stacks his other hand on her spine, fingers splayed wide. “You’re okay,” he rumbles. “Promise, kid. You’re okay.”
She squirms uncomfortably but does not try to pull away. “You’re safe,” Joel repeats as he slowly tightens his grip on her. She stills in his arms, body tensed and ready to pounce. Then all at once something like ice water floods her body, starting at the top of her head and flowing swiftly down to her toes. Her breath hitches as Joel’s hand carefully cradles the back of her skull, fingers sliding delicately up her scalp to rest among her hair. “That’s it,” he murmurs as he guides her face to his chest. Her hands clutch at the back of his shirt as she presses herself against him. “That’s it, you’re okay.”
Ellie’s knees buckle at the same time she lets out an audible hiccup, and Joel finds himself carefully easing them both to the ground. “Easy now. You’re here. You’re okay,” he soothes. “You’re safe.” Her hands tighten in his shirt, and when he looks down, he discovers that she isn’t crying, really; just raggedly breathing and trying to keep herself together.
“I’m not a fuckin’ crybaby,” Ellie mutters into his chest.
He makes a sound of acknowledgment deep in his throat, fingers tensing against her back as he carefully runs his other hand over her hair. “I know you’re not,” he says lowly. “But you’ve been through a helluva lot in the past few weeks. ’S gonna take a toll on anyone.”
She sniffs and pushes away from him, face red with embarrassment. “Why are you being nice to me all of a sudden? Like, you find your brother and you’re the friendliest fuckin’ guy in the world? What’s with that?” she asks suddenly.
Joel looks away from her, gathering his thoughts. “Wasn’t real sure he’d want to see me,” he admits after a minute. “Seein’ him here, safe, happy…” he shakes his head minutely before making eye contact with Ellie. “’S more than I hoped for. Somethin’ good after two decades of absolute shit.”
Ellie wipes at her face with the back of her hand. “Are you gonna stay here?” she asks quietly.
He shrugs and gestures to the house. “Probably, unless Tess wants somethin’ different. Doubt it, though. She’s been wantin’ to get outta the QZ for a few years now.”
Ellie nods slowly. “Then why aren’t you in there deciding my fate too?”
Joel shrugs again and waves his hand toward the front of the house. “Like Tess said the other day, you’re old enough to have a say in what happens to you. Reckon they didn’t bother askin’ before they started at each other’s throats?” he asks lightly.
She shakes her head and starts walking toward the door. “No,” she says glumly. “Just fucking Fireflies versus staying here in Jackson and ‘assimilating’.”
Joel stops her before she can open the door. “Let ‘em fight,” he says quietly. “We can take another look at the stables.”
A grin lights up Ellie’s face. “Really? Do you like animals?”
“Some,” he says neutrally as he keeps pace with Ellie. “The quiet ones. Like sheep. They do what they’re told.” Ellie rolls her eyes but keeps moving forward. “So. What do you want to happen? Assumin’ that Jackson ain’t some sorta secret Firefly base camp,” Joel adds.
Ellie keeps her gaze fixed ahead of them as they walk. “I… sorta thought maybe I could stay with you and Tess until we find the Fireflies,” she says after a minute. “Just… y’know, since you already know and stuff. And, like, I know you’re not a creep. Plus, I don’t know anyone else here.” She’s picking at her cuticles, he notices, but he does nothing to stop her.
“Reckon you’re right ‘bout all that,” he says. “An’ I agree; it’ll make your life a lot easier if you’re with us instead’a some strangers.” He pauses, hand landing briefly on her shoulder to stop her forward momentum. “I ain’t sure how long we’ll be stayin’ here, but I’ll talk with Tess an’ Tommy. Straighten all that shit out so you don’t have to deal with it.”
Ellie looks up at him, eyes wide. “Really?” she asks a little breathlessly. “That… that would be good.”
“Really,” he confirms, jutting his chin out as they start walking again. “You goin’ back to the foal?”
Her face lights up with another grin. “Shimmer. She’s just a baby, Joel! I love her already.”
Joel follows along half a step behind Ellie, eyes scanning Jackson for danger. “You know,” she says excitedly, “This one FEDRA guard used to teach me and— my friend how to ride his horse. Princess.”
“The guard’s name was Princess?” Joel asks in a derisive tone.
She shakes her head and fixes him with a look. “No. The horse’s name was Princess. The guard’s name was Winston.”
Joel raises his eyebrows when Ellie twists around to look at him over her shoulder. “My mistake,” he says dryly. Ellie giggles, the sound carrying down the road. “And he just… taught you to ride his horse? Out of the goodness of his heart?” Joel asks, his tone cooling a bit.
“Nah, man,” Ellie says as she leads Joel to Shimmer’s stall. “We used to pay him in whiskey.”
Joel snags her hood, suppressing a chuckle when she is jerked back unexpectedly. “Exactly where did you get enough whiskey to pay a grown man?”
She gives him a cheeky smile and shrugs ever so slightly. “I dunno, man. Where did you get all your smuggler shit from?” Ellie asks, eyes alight with mischief.
He shakes his head and gives her a gentle shove toward the barn. “You wouldn’t have been able to get your hands on shit like that before. Way too young.”
Nodding sagely, Ellie kicks a foot up against the wall and leans on it nonchalantly. “How old were you when you had your first alcoholic beverage, Joel? I bet you were like 2 because they hadn’t figured out how to purify water yet so they just gave everyone wine.” He shoots her a look that has her holding her hands up in supplication. “Alright, alright, I’ll shut up,” she says, and he’s certain he can detect a hint of hurt in her tone.
Ellie pokes her head into the stall and starts cooing at Shimmer while Joel awkwardly stands a few feet away. When Shimmer loses interest in Ellie and wanders to the far side of her stall, Joel finds himself blurting out, “I was younger than you.”
She turns to him, surprise coloring her features. “What?”
“Alcohol,” he clarifies awkwardly. “I, uh… I was twelve. Before our dad left, he… insisted on me drinkin’ with him.” Joel scuffs his toe on the ground, hands jammed into his jacket pockets. “I didn’t like it.”
Ellie looks at him, her eyes serious as she regards him. “I’m sorry,” she says quietly. “That sounds like it was fucked up.”
He shrugs and shuffles in place. “Well, it was me or Tommy, an’ Tommy was six, so…”
She nods in understanding. “Drunk six-year-olds are the fucking worst.”
Joel gapes at her for a second before she grins impishly. “I’m just fuckin’ with you. Seriously, you need to learn to be less gullible. How did you even manage to smuggle shit with such a terrible poker face?” Ellie asks earnestly.
“Tess did the talkin’,” Joel mutters.
“That makes way more sense than you trying to negotiate with literally anyone,” she teases.
He looks at her sidelong and starts walking toward the opening in the fence. “Keep laughin’ at me an’ we’ll see where you end up livin’ ‘til we’re outta here. Maybe I’ll stick you in the garage.”
“The garage? Didn’t people keep cars in garages?” Ellie asks curiously.
“Cars, bikes… all that useless shit you didn’t have room for inside your house. Y’know, the stuff you only haul out for a couple of months every year,” he teases.
She shoves him, causing him to stumble forward a few steps before he’s able to right himself. “So I’m ‘valuable cargo’ but not worth keeping in the house. That’s real fucking nice of you, Joel. I’m suddenly so fucking thankful that you showed up at the Fireflies’ headquarters. You can’t make me live in a garage if there isn’t, like, a toilet and heat and shit. It’s a war crime. It’s against the Geneva Convention,” she wheedles.
Joel glares at Ellie for a moment before rising to her bait. “Oh, and you’re the goddamn United Nations? You’re doin’ a bang-up job here.”
“Dude, if I were in charge of the world I’d fix everything. I mean obviously…” She gestures to her arm, rolling her eyes in exasperation when he tries to hush her. “But also, like, hunger and shit. I’d get rid of all that. Everyone could do whatever they wanted as long as it’s, like… nice. Not hurting other people. You know?” Her voice trails off as she looks at him expectantly.
“Yeah, kid,” Joel agrees quietly, sadness coloring his tone. “I know.” After a moment, he gestures vaguely in the direction of the house. “We should get back. Straighten them out before they kill each other.”
Ellie chuckles at the statement, eyes glittering as she walks alongside Joel. “Do Tommy and Tess always fight?”
“Only when Tommy thinks he’s right about somethin’,” Joel says glibly. “Sounded to me like he mighta been makin’ the same points I would.”
She nods and shoves her hands in the pockets of her jacket. “Oh. Are… are you and Tess gonna fight too?”
He looks at her sidelong for a moment before purposely bumping her arm with his. “Ain’t somethin’ you gotta worry ‘bout. Me an’ Tess, we go back a long time. One argument ain’t endin’ that.”
As they round the corner and the house comes into view, they see Tommy standing outside, idly kicking a mound of dirt, expression twisted into a scowl. Ellie sticks close to Joel’s side as he approaches Tommy. “So?”
Tommy sighs deeply before fixing Ellie with a look. “You’re travelin’ with them by choice, right? They ain’t forcin’ you to do anything?” he asks Ellie seriously.
She nods, eyes wide. “Yeah. I mean, yeah by choice. Do you know where the Fireflies are?” The question has been burning in her chest since finding Tommy, and for some reason she feels safe enough to ask now.
“University of Eastern Colorado. It’s a week or so on horseback, but it’s fucked up between here and there. Infected, hunters…” He shakes his head in a manner that looks exactly like Joel. “Probably only a day in the car, though. Tess says y’all are leavin’ tomorrow.”
Ellie nods again, slower this time. “Cool. That’s good.”
Joel doesn’t like the hesitancy in her tone. He steps away from Tommy, one hand on Ellie’s shoulder to draw her with him. “If you ain’t ready to go to the Fireflies yet or you… you changed your mind, an’ you don’t wanna go at all, you need to tell me now,” he says, head bent low so that his voice is only audible to her. “Just ‘cause that was the goal don’t mean it still has to be.”
“No, we should go tomorrow. The sooner I get there, the sooner…” she trails off, eyes darting over to Tommy for the barest second before landing on Joel once more. “You know.”
Joel has his asshole face on, but Ellie knows deep down it’s not being directed at her. He nods sharply and glances at the house. “Alright then.”
About ten minutes after Ellie goes to bed, there’s a soft knock on the door. “Ellie?” Tess calls softly.
Ellie shifts on the window seat, pulling her knees up to her chest as she glances over without moving her head. She doesn’t respond. Tess taps again before slowly turning the knob and pushing the door open.
“Come right the fuck in,” Ellie mutters under her breath. She twists a pressed flower between her fingers as she continues reading the diary in her hands, watching from the corner of her eye as Tess takes a seat on the bed.
Tess sits quietly for a moment before speaking. “Joel said you were upset earlier. I just wanted to see how you’re holding up.”
Ellie keeps her eyes down, shoulders hunched forward as she doubles down on staring at the diary. “I’m fine,” she mumbles.
“Are you sure? It’s okay if you’re not, you know. This is… a lot. For anyone,” Tess says gently.
Ellie shrugs and closes the book in favor of looking out the window.
Tess sighs. “Tommy wants us to stay a while before we go off to find the Fireflies. Settle in a bit, get our heads around living someplace like…” She gestures toward the window. “This.” There’s a pause before she continues, “I get the sense that you want to be with the Fireflies as soon as possible, but I should have checked with you before arguin’ with Tommy about the trip. I’m sorry about that.”
Ellie nods slowly, finally turning her head so she can see Tess full-on. “I do want to get to the Fireflies as soon as possible,” she says quietly. “Tommy said we can leave tomorrow?”
“If this is what you want,” Tess answers simply. “Did Marlene tell you what they’ll need from you to make this vaccine?”
She shakes her head as she runs through her conversation with Marlene. “No. Probably just, like, blood. She said they think it’s something about chemical messengers.”
Tess nods thoughtfully, considering Ellie’s words. “I hope that’s all it is,” she says after a moment. “Just some blood samples or something simple like that. But Ellie…”
She pauses as if carefully choosing her next words. “The Fireflies are fighting for something they believe in. And sometimes, when you’re that driven… people can lose perspective. So I just want you to be prepared, in case they ask you for more than you’re willing to give.”
Tess holds Ellie’s gaze, her expression serious but gentle. “Me and Joel, our job is to get you to the Fireflies. But if when we get there, you change your mind about going through with it… you just say the word. We’ll turn that truck around and bring you right back here if that’s what you want. Alright?”
Tess’s unexpected apology and concern touches Ellie. She feels seen and heard in a way she hasn’t before. “Thank you,” Ellie says softly, “for saying that. I know getting me to the Fireflies is important, but… it kinda freaks me out not knowing what they’ll want from me.” She pauses, chewing her lip. “I trust you and Joel though. I know you’ll have my back.”
Tess smiles, the tension in her face easing minutely. “Of course, kid.” She rises from the bed and starts toward the door, only to stop and turn to Ellie. “When we get there, do you want one of us to stay with you? Make sure they respect the boundaries you set?”
Ellie considers Tess’s offer for a moment. Having Joel or Tess there with her would provide some comfort and security. But she also feels like this is something she needs to face on her own.
“I appreciate that,” Ellie says. “But I think I should do this by myself. It’s kinda my responsibility, you know? Since I’m the immune one.
Tess nods slowly. “I understand. But the offer still stands if you change your mind.”
“Thanks, Tess,” Ellie says with a small smile.
Tess returns it, gesturing to the bed with her chin. “Get some rest. We’re leaving early.”
After Tess leaves and shuts the door behind her, Ellie stays curled up on the window seat, watching the moonlight outside. She tries not to think about what the Fireflies will want from her when they arrive.
Will it just be blood, like she thinks? Or will they want to do tests and experiments? The thought makes Ellie’s stomach twist into anxious knots. She’s never liked doctors or going to the school clinic.
Ellie glances down at the diary still cradled in her hands, running her fingers over the faded cover. She found it tucked away in a desk drawer, a relic from some girl who lived here decades ago.
It’s calming to lose herself in the girl’s accounts of daily life - complaints about chores and school, crushes on boys, plans for the future. A normal life, Before. Ellie wonders what happened to her when Before became After.
She sighs and tries to rid her mind of anxiety, standing and making her way over to the desk to return the diary to its tomb. Once she’s shut the drawer, she looks around the room. It’s a nice room, even with the pink wallpaper and the green trim. If she had a choice, she’d paint the walls blue and all the wood white. She saw pictures of a bedroom that had a lot of white wood on the walls once, and it looked so clean and cozy.
Ellie shakes her head as she pulls herself from the daydream. This isn’t her room – it won’t ever be – so there’s no point in mentally decorating it. She crawls into the unfamiliar bed, pulling the striped quilt up to her chin. She tosses and turns, unable to quiet her racing mind. What will the Fireflies ask of her? Will it hurt?
Will it work?
She falls asleep long after the soft sounds of Joel and Tess moving around the house cease.
In the end, Ellie spends nine days with Joel and Tess. Seven crossing the country and searching for Tommy, one in Jackson, and one traveling down to Boulder.
Ellie shifts restlessly in the back seat nearly the entire time they drive. When Joel says they’re close to the university, she can’t help the anxiety that zings through her chest and down her arms. Her fingers are tingling, and she tries to dampen the feeling by clenching and unclenching her fists.
It doesn’t work.
As they approach the campus, Ellie’s heart sinks at the sight of abandoned buildings and overgrown lawns. It feels like a ghost town. She can’t imagine how it must have been Before. The car is tensely silent as Joel eases down narrow university roads. Ellie holds her breath when they see the Fireflies’ symbol painted on the health sciences building sign. “Guess this is it,” she says eventually.
Joel meets her gaze in the rearview mirror as two Fireflies emerge from behind barricades in front of the building. “Reckon so,” he agrees quietly.
They’re ordered out of the car and onto the ground for a search. Joel and Tess lay on either side of her, face down, and it’s comforting, having them there with her. Certainly better than being alone and going through all of this.
Search complete, the guards start to question why they’re there. When Tess explains, their eyes grow comically wide. “We thought she was dead,” the taller one says. “Oh, Dr. Anderson is going to be thrilled.” He looks at Tess and Joel. “I don’t know what Marlene promised you as payment, but Dr. Anderson will have to agree to it. We don’t have the same capabilities or resources as a fully-armored QZ.”
Joel and Tess exchange a glance as they get to their feet. “We were promised supplies and ammo,” Joel says gruffly. “And a vehicle.”
“We’ll accept medical supplies instead of the vehicle,” Tess adds in a disinterested tone.
The guards nod. “I’ll take you to Dr. Anderson. He’ll sort everything out.”
They follow the guard into the building, Ellie sandwiched between Joel and Tess. She can feel her heart pounding as they walk down the sterile halls. This is it. She’s going to save the world.
Dr. Anderson turns out to be a stern-faced man in a lab coat. When Ellie is presented to him, the doctor’s eyes widen. “Remarkable,” he murmurs. “Absolutely extraordinary. Taylor, we’ll need to prepare the specimen for tissue sampling. Bring her to the lab to get started.”
“She’s a girl,” Joel says suddenly, causing Ellie to jump. “Not a specimen.”
Something dark clouds Anderson’s eyes. “Of course,” he agrees easily. “Now, I believe there is the matter of your payment? If you’ll follow me…”
Taylor firmly grasps Ellie by the bicep and starts walking in the opposite direction of the other adults. “Wait!” Ellie gasps, wrestling her arm free. She runs over to Joel and Tess, skidding to a stop. The only reason she doesn’t fall on her face is that Tess reaches out to steady her. She darts forward to quickly hug Tess, then Joel, before stepping back. “Thanks,” she says quietly, looking between them. “For… everything. Thank you.”
Taylor approaches and takes her arm once again, fingers digging into muscle. Tess’s eyes narrow when Ellie winces, and she looks back at the doctor, brows furrowing. “What, exactly, does making this vaccine entail for Ellie? What kind of tissue samples do you need?” Tess asks loud enough for Ellie to overhear.
Anderson crosses his arms across his chest, patience clearly wearing thin. “Making a fungal vaccine is particularly challenging. We’ll need regular access to the specimen’s blood, spinal fluid, and stem cells in order to study the chemical messengers that prevent cordyceps from taking over. I assure you, we have adequate pain control measures in place to ensure she is comfortable.”
Tess widens her stance, vaguely aware of Joel subtly moving to make himself seem more imposing. “And how long will you need ‘access’ to the kid? Do you have any female nurses here? Forgive me for being concerned about leaving a young girl alone with a bunch of militia wannabees,” Tess asks, tone turning caustic.
The doctor straightens and drops his arms to his side. “I appreciate your caution, but I assure you, no one here would ever do anything untoward. My daughter has been here with me for years, and I’ve never once worried about her safety at this facility.”
Joel exhales sharply at his words. “If your daughter were immune… would you put her through the same tests as Ellie?”
Anderson nods emphatically. “Absolutely.”
“How long will you need to develop it? The vaccine?” Joel asks as he takes a half-step forward. He feels a tinge of pride when Anderson takes a full step back.
Anderson opens his arms to the side slightly. “Science cannot be rushed. It took months to develop a vaccine, even before the outbreak. Now…” He shrugs a little. “Who can say?”
Tess turns to face Ellie. “Ellie… you’re sure this is what you want? It’s alright if you’ve changed your mind; you have every right to not be turned into a lab rat indefinitely.”
Ellie’s eyes dart between Anderson, Joel, and Tess, lingering the longest on Tess. “I’m sure,” she says, her voice small but steady. “This is what I’m supposed to do. If I can help make a vaccine that saves people… I have to try.”
Tess searches Ellie’s face, then nods slowly. She squeezes the girl’s shoulder. “Alright. You be brave, kid.”
Joel shifts his weight, face unreadable. For a moment it seems like he might object, but then he simply puts a broad hand on the top of Ellie’s head. “Don’t let ‘em push you around too much,” he rumbles.
Ellie gives a faint smile. “I won’t.” She turns and allows herself to be led away by the guard, skinny shoulders squared. She turns around several times to watch Joel and Tess leave over her shoulder. Anderson disappears through the door, but Joel and Tess both stop and turn around for one last look. “Ellie,” Joel calls across the room.
Ellie digs her heels in and forces Taylor to stop pulling her out of the room. “Yeah?”
His eyes travel up and down her body before landing on her face. “You know where to find us,” he says simply.
She nods. “Yeah. I do,” she agrees.
“Good luck, kid.” And then they’re gone.
Taylor’s grip on Ellie’s arm tightens to the point of being painful. She lets him drag her out of the room. For some reason, she thinks of Captain Kwong sending her to the Hole as he roughly jerks her through the doorway and down toward the lab.
At least whatever the Fireflies need to make the cure won’t be as bad as a stint in the Hole, she thinks as she’s tugged through a door and into what appears to be some sort of procedure room. She’s given a thin gown and told to change in the adjoining bathroom. When Ellie comes out with her jeans on under it, the guard actually shoves her into the bathroom to take them off.
She emerges from the bathroom once again, feeling exposed and vulnerable without any of her usual layers of armor. It’s growing dark outside, and movement outside the window draws her attention; when she walks over to it, she can just make out Joel and Tess loading something into the back of Bill’s truck.
Ellie is so focused on Joel and Tess that she doesn’t see Taylor in the reflection of the window. He’s joined by another guard now, and together they wrestle her onto the bed in the middle of the room, securing her arms and legs to it with unyielding restraints. Ellie bucks and strains, shouting until her voice cracks.
The guards ignore her.
When her muscles burn with exertion, Anderson comes in and gives her some sort of shot that makes her head go all fuzzy and out of focus. As Ellie struggles to keep her eyes open, she tips her head toward the window, staring listlessly at the dark night. She can’t see the stars.
Another strap connects her to the bed, this time across her chest. Anderson picks up a scalpel just within her line of vision. That doesn’t make sense; he hasn’t even drawn her blood.
One of the guards straightens her head out and ties it down in such a way that she can’t move it.
With a jolt, Ellie realizes she may never see the stars again.
have you ever stared into a starry sky?
lying on your back you're asking why
what's the purpose
i wonder who am i
if you've ever stared into a starry sky